


And The Stars Sang

by CalWritingByStarlight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aurors, F/M, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:27:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 74
Words: 215,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalWritingByStarlight/pseuds/CalWritingByStarlight
Summary: Locked away, trapped in a box of grey stone, Calandra searches her memories for a clue on how to escape. She relives her youth and sheds light on what happened all those years ago, when Death Eaters terrorized the wizarding world and the threat of He Who Must Not Be Named hung over everyone's heads. Will she ever figure out a way to reunite with those she loves most?
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of JK Rowling's characters or ideas. This story uses exact excerpts from the Harry Potter books when characters remember specific events or conversations.

October 2, 1998

She walked around the room, running her fingertips along the stone wall; her fingers ached to find a window and fling it open. To feel the sun on her face or the rain on her cheeks. She missed the rain.

How long had it been since she'd felt the rain on her cheeks? Years, definitely, but she wasn't sure how many. Maybe ten now, maybe fifteen. Time seemed to twist and turn inside these walls. Seemed to creep by so slowly she thought the days might never end. But at the same time, it flew by. Sands of time slipping through her fingers faster than she could catch them.

She stared at the grey stone that surrounded her and allowed her mind to gloss it over. To make it softer and warmer and almost sparkle. It was bearable that way. If she turned the cold stone into a color that was everything she wanted, she could survive.

It was going to be one of those days. One of the days where it would take everything in her to hold her mind together. One of the days that threatened to scatter the fragments of her memories to the far corners of this little room and hide them there forever.

She touched the wall again, trying to ground herself enough to actually feel alive again. She looked at her hands and was pleased to note that they no longer trembled.

A noise came from behind her, but she didn't turn. The door would open, she knew. The healer would come in, leave the vials, and walk back out the door. The door would close behind her and she'd be alone again with nothing but her thoughts.

She pressed her head against the stone wall and lost herself in the grey. She focused her mind and brought memories forward. This was how she spent her days, reliving a life she'd once had, wondering where it all went wrong and hoping she'd find something locked away somewhere that would fix it. Like she'd done so many times before, looking for answers, she remembered.

* * *

September 12, 1964

It was raining. Calandra held her hand out and felt the rain drops on her palm. She could hear her father in the next room. Her mother had shut the door, but it didn't quite muffle the sound.

"Don't know why you insist on coddling-"

She edged farther away from the door, going to stand on the furthest most corner of the porch, tears streaming down her face.

"It wouldn't be a problem if she were normal!" Her father bellowed. "If you were n-"

Calandra sank down to her knees and sobbed. The rain grew so intense that it finally drowned out her father's shouts. She wished more than anything she was normal.

Her mother found her there; hunkered down on the porch, staring out at the garden, tears slowly tricking down her face.

"Oh, love. What are you doing out here?" she knelt down and wrapped the small girl in her arms.

"Watching the rain." Calandra mumbled, wiping her nose.

"It's beautiful at times isn't it?" Her mother smiled down at her and wiped away her tears. "Early in the morning when it's just barely misting over the garden."

"I like it better when it rains a lot. When it thunders loud."

Calandra lay her head against her mother's shoulder and breathed in the familiar smell of lavender and cigarettes.

"Oh my," her mother shook her head. "You don't think it's a bit scary when it's a downpour?"

The little girl shook her head and looked up.

"I like hearing just the rain." she whispered.

Her mother looked down at the blue eyes staring up back at her, then back up out at the garden. It had stopped raining.

"I like hearing the rain, too." she whispered.

* * *

July 24, 1966

Calandra skipped in the garden, picking flowers and singing softly under her breath. She loved her mother's flowers. She had never seen flowers that changed color before. None of the neighbors had flowers that could do that. They were her favorites.

"Lu lu skip to my lu. Lu lu skip to my lu. Lu lu skip to my-"

"Calandra!" Her father's voice stopped her in her tracks. "Stop that at once. No one wants to hear that racket."

"Yes, sir." she called and hung her head, looking down at the flowers in her hands.

They didn't change colors.

They were grey. She didn't really like the grey flowers.

* * *

March 10, 1969

"Calandra!"

Calandra jumped, almost spilling her tea.

What did she do?

"Calandra! When I call for you, you're to answer me! Where are you?" Her father's voice grew louder as he approached the dining room.

"Yes, I'm ...in here...in the dining room." she said, her eyes on the door, waiting for him to enter .

Her father walked through the door way and crossed his arms. He stared at her. She couldn't tell if it was a challenge or open curiosity

"I've just had the most curious conversation with Ms. Pierce. Would you like to know what we spoke about?"

Calandra's shoulders relaxed a bit. Ms. Pierce was the nicest teacher at her primary school. She didn't get into trouble at school and Ms. Pierce was her favorite teacher.

"Sure," she said putting a bookmark in her book.

"She wanted to congratulate me, it seems."

His voice was light, but Calandra knew that meant little.

"On what?" The young girl asked warily.

"On my daughter for being so gifted, apparently." he said each word with careful precision.

Oh no. She'd asked Ms. Pierce not to saying anything. Calandra clutched her book to her chest.

"Apparently, my daughter has a natural talent," his eyes were nothing but ice as he continued. "In the arts."

"Yes, well. I wanted to get good marks and the whole class had to do it, and I just..." she trailed off at his expression.

"She gave me this," he said taking a piece of paper from his pocket. "Said she was amazed at the techniques you used at your young age."

Calandra didn't have to look to know it was the portrait of her mother.

"I thought mum would like it." Calandra said, knowing she shouldn't.

Her father was furious.

"You will not waste your life on trivial things such as this. No more. NO MORE!"

He moved from the wall and slammed his hands on the table.

"I never want to see anything like this again. Not at school, not at home, not anywhere."

He stood up and crumpled the paper in his hand and leaned over the table. Calandra stared at her teacup.

"You're to tell your teacher you're not interested in the little art classes and you're to leave the choir."

Her eyes shot up.

"Oh yes, I know all about that," he said quietly and smiled. It was wicked.

"Why?" She whispered.

She always asked, hoping the answer might be different.

"You know why. There is no need for you to waste your life singing songs or doodling on papers. You heard what I said. No more."

He dropped the paper, turned on his heel, and strode out the door. Tears pricked behind er eyes. Calandra heard raindrops on the window as she smoothed out the paper. Her mother's eyes stared up at her from the wrinkles. She placed the paper in her book, wiped away her tears, and went out to the garden to wait for her mother to come home from the market. She couldn't stay inside that house any longer.

* * *

May 28, 1972

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I don't know what happened!" She cried.

It was raining. So hard. She couldn't see much through the grey sheets that flung cold raindrops in on them.

"What did you do?" Her father grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"Nothing! I didn't touch anything. I promise. I just wanted to be outside! I didn't do anything. I'm sorry."

Calandra trembled in his vice-like grip.

"So you're telling me you didn't slam the door so hard it broke the windows in the front room and caused the door to come off its hinges."

His fingers would bruise her.

"No. No, I promise I didn't. I turned the knob and it just broke. I didn't slam it. I promise"

"DONT LIE TO ME!" her father roared, shaking her.

The wind whipped her hair everywhere and the rain lashed at her face.

"Calandra! Johnathon! What's wrong?" her mother was running up the drive.

"Are you hurt? What's wrong?" She knelt beside Calandra.

"Johnathon," her mother's voice was sharp. "Let go of her."

Her father released her, and she sank into her mother.

"I. I.. I don't know," she sniffed. "I didn't slam the door but the…the windows broke and I..."

"Shh. Shh. It's ok, let's go inside." she picked her up and carried her, big as Calandra was. "Johnathon, you can carry the groceries in."

"Mum, I promise-" she began

"I know, I know love. It's ok. You didn't do anything wrong." her mother sat her down on the sofa and ran gentle hands down her arms.

"Mum..." Calandra started. She'd tried to say this so many times.

"Yes, my darling."

Her mother tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear.

"I think something's wrong with me," she said, scared of the words.

She hurried on before she lost the courage to speak.

"I didn't mean to make it happen, but I wanted it to. I didn't slam the door, but I thought about breaking the door. I think it was me."

Her mother stared at her.

"It's..it's other things, too. I made Richard fall at the park when he stole Margaret's shoes and told her she couldn't do anything because she was a girl, and I...I wanted the car to break down when we went to the market last month. I just...I didn't want to come home and I wished that we could stay there...and I...mum...there's something wrong with me. He's right." she broke off with a sob

Her mother held her and stroked her hair. They just sat there, dripping on the carpet for a few minutes and as the storm died down. Then her mother sat up. Her mouth was a thin line when she spoke.

"Darling. I need you to go up to your room for a bit. You're not in trouble and you've done nothing wrong."

She brought Calandra's face up to look at her.

"You have done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you." her mother's voice was fierce.

"Mummy will be up in just a moment and we'll spend some time together. Go on up now."

She patted Calandra's hand and stood her up.

"Go on. I'll be right there. Remember, you've done nothing wrong."

Calandra nodded and walked up the stairs. She went to the bureau and took out her pajamas. She changed out of her wet clothes and slipped into her pajamas and sat on the edge of her bed. Her mother wasn't upset with her...she rarely was. But her father was livid. She'd never seen him that angry and that was saying something.

Her mother's voice echoed in her head.

_There's nothing wrong with you._

But she was wrong. There was something wrong with her. Calandra couldn't figure out what it was, though. Sometimes it felt like she was on fire. Like her fingers were burning and her throat was burning, and she didn't know what was wrong.

She could hear her father's voice downstairs. He was yelling at her mother. He was always yelling at her mother...but her mother was yelling back this time.

That was new.

Their voices faded away and she heard footsteps. Her mother opened the door to her bedroom and stood there staring at her, a small smile playing on her face.

"He's upset with me." Calandra said.

Her mother's smile fell.

"He'll get over it," she said.

"He thinks there is something wrong with me." Calandra said, quietly.

"I told you. There is nothing wrong with you." her mother said.

"There is though, mum. There is something wrong with me." Calandra twisted her hands in her lap

Her mother came over and sat on her bed. She kicked off her shoes and settled against the headboard.

"Come here." she said and opened her arms.

Calandra climbed up and settled against her mother.

"There is nothing wrong with you," her mother said against her hair. "There isn't a single thing wrong with you."

She hugged her tight, then pulled away a bit to look down at her.

"There is nothing wrong with you, but there is something very special about you." her mother said, stroking her hair.

"There is something so so very special about you. You're bright, and you're kind, and you're hardworking, and you're beautiful. But there is something else, you know."

Calandra looked up at her mother who was staring down at her with tears in her eyes.

"You have magic in you." her mother said.

Calandra's face scrunched up.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Just what I said, love. You're magical. There is a whole world you'll find out about. A word with witches and wizards and magic and just so many things you'll love."

"What?"

"I know it's a lot. I know. But I'll show you. Mummy has magic too, you know."

Her mother pulled a long thin stick from her pocket. Then with a smile and a flick of the stick she made a teacup appear.

Her mother laughed.

"I love doing that. I've missed it."

"Why can you? How can you do that?" Calandra asked. "Do it again!"

Her mother obliged and handed the teacup to Calandra.

"It's real, I promise." her mother said.

"It's real." Calandra breathed.

"How long have you been able to do that?" she asked in wonder.

"Years and years," her mother said setting her teacup on the bedside table.

"And you will be able to as well. You have magic in you." Her mother smiled at her. "You'll do great things"

"How do I do it? Will you show me?" Calandra asked eagerly

"I'll help, but I can't teach you everything. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. There is a special school for people who can do magic."

Calandra's eyes narrowed at her mother.

"This isn't some sort of trick is it. He isn't trying to put me away? Is special school just a nice way to say asylum?"

Her mother looked like she wanted to cry.

"I'd never let him put you away. He's kept you in a box for long enough."

She took a deep breath and continued.

"The school is real. I'll show you myself. We'll do everything, just the two of us. We'll go look at books and supplies and meet teachers and he'll stay here."

A smile slowly stole across Calandra's face, then dimmed.

"He doesn't want me to go, though. Does he? That's what you argued about isn't it?"

Her mother's eyes grew guarded. She chewed her bottom lip and shook her head.

"He thought you'd be safer if you lived here. Away from the magic." she said carefully.

"Why? Is it very dangerous?" Calandra asked.

"It can be, just like everything else in the world, but that isn't exactly why your father wanted to keep you here."

Calandra's mother stroked a finger up and down her daughter's arm.

"There is a part of the magic that you have that is very, very dangerous." she said. "I wish that it wasn't, but it is. Your magic is very special. It's different than other people's magic."

Calandra looked up at her mother, wide eyed.

"Mummy's grandmother was a very powerful magical lady. She had a magical voice. Lots of people were, and still are, scared of that."

Calandra nodded and sat thinking.

"That's why Daddy doesn't want me to sing." she said.

Her mother nodded.

"So, if I promise not to sing, I can go to the school?" she asked hopefully.

Her mother laughed and squeezed her.

"Not exactly," she said, brushing Calandra's hair down. "It's more than that, love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. This is my very first fan fiction and it has been very enlightening to write. I tried very diligently to get all the details of the characters, setting, and time period correct. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it!


	2. Chapter 2

June 18, 1972

Calandra stared at the shops along the narrow street. Each window held something fascinating from this new world Calandra was a part of. One shop had intricate silver machines and pieces to telescopes. Another was full of cats and rats and toads and animals Calandra had never even seen before. A small black lizard in the window opened its mouth and a puff of smoke swirled in the air.

She clutched her bag and followed her mother down the street, trying to take everything in. She saw old wizards with great long beards in flowing robes. She saw women with strange hats charming their bags to float in the air beside them. When they turned a corner, Calandra caught sight of two young dark-haired boys standing behind a tall stern-faced woman. She giggled when she saw that one of the boys was turning the woman's hat from green to red.

Her mother led her into a shop with boxes everywhere. As far up as Calandra could see there were boxes stacked on top of one another. A white-haired man peered at them over his glasses.

"Good afternoon." Her mother said. "How are you today Mr. Ollivander?"

"Quite well, quite well." The old man replied. "What can I do for you today?"

"We're here for a wand." Calandra's mother smiled. "For my daughter."

She stepped to the side and motioned Calandra forward. Calandra stepped up to the old man and he studied her. With a wag of his finger he turned around and rummaged through one of the shelves. He turned back to them with two boxes in his hand. Mr. Ollivander sat them on the counter and studied the shop. Then, with a quick movement he swung up on a ladder and climbed toward the ceiling.

Muttering to himself he rose high above the shop floor. Calandra watched him with a guarded expression. He seemed rather odd. She saw that he had on a pair of violent purple socks. They reminded Calandra of the flowers in her mother's garden. She looked over at her mother and was surprised to see her watching the old man with a fond expression on her face.

Calandra watched as Mr. Ollivander descended the ladder, with a long thin box under his arm. He dusted off the box and placed it alongside the others on the counter.

"Now." He began. "Let's see what they say, shall we?"

Calandra looked to her mother and back to Mr. Ollivander.

_Who was he talking about?_

Mr. Ollivander lifted the lid off the first box and held a pale wooden wand out to Calandra. She tentatively reached a hand out and took the wand from him. Her hand immediately felt warm and she looked down at it, intrigued. Mr. Ollivander held an arm out.

"Give it a go." He said.

Calandra looked around. She peered at her mother, not knowing what to do. Her mother smiled at her and nodded encouragingly. Calandra swallowed and held onto the wand firmly. She closed her eyes and thought back to her mother's flowers.

Mr. Ollivander gasped, and Calandra opened her eyes. The entire floor of the shop was covered in thick mud with little tufts of grass poking out from it in a few spots. Calandra's mother raised her eyes and Mr. Ollivander shook his head.

"Not this one." He said plucking the wand from her hand and vanishing the mud she had created with his own.

He replaced the wand back in its box and lifted the lids to the other two boxes. In one lay a dark wand, so brown it almost looked black. In the other, a pale wand with a ridge along the widest part of it. Calandra reached out, without thinking and picked up the pale wand.

It felt as if something inside her came alive. The wand fit in her hand as if it were made specifically for her. She lifted her hand and marveled at the hum that seemed to flow through her veins. Suddenly, Mr. Ollivander laughed and held his leg out.

"Thank you." he said, peering down at his socks, which now sported small white daisies opening and closing on the purple fabric.

"Oh!" Calandra gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"Nonsense!" Mr. Ollivander said. "They're much more fashionable now. That's quite some talent you have there."

He peered at her over the rim of his glasses and held his hand out. She placed the pale wooden wand in his hand, and he held it up to examine it. She watched him, curiously. After a moment he handed the wand back to her with a smile.

"I can see that this is the one." He said and gestured down to his socks. "Pine and unicorn hair. Eight and a half inches."

Calandra nodded. Her mother smiled at her.

"You did much better than your old mum." She said, wrapping an arm around Calandra's shoulders.

Mr. Ollivander chuckled as he walked back behind the counter.

"If I'm not mistaken, you gave my chair spider legs and it scampered off." He said.

Calandra's mother laughed and nodded. Calandra studied the wand in her hand as her mother paid Mr. Ollivander. She felt full of light. With this piece of wood in her hand a whole world of possibilities stretched out before her.

Calandra and her mother went out to lunch together at a pub full of witches and wizards. Bottles floated through the air and a broom swept the floor all by itself. Calandra saw two witches gesturing at a newspaper they held in front of them and gaped at it. The photographs on the front page of the newspaper were moving.

Her mother led her over to a table and ordered them both steak pies. Calandra sat and watched in wonder at the scene before her. She felt that she would never grow tired of watching the people in the pub.

Her mother breathed a contented sigh and sat back against her chair. She took in Calandra's wide-eyed expression and smiled.

"Amazing, isn't it?" she asked.

Calandra nodded and clutched her wand tightly.

"When can I start using it?" she asked excitedly.

"When you go to school." Calandra's mother laughed. "You can't do magic outside of school. It's against the rules."

Calandra's brows furrowed.

"What about all the stuff I did before?" she asked nervously.

"Those were accidents." Her mother said, reassuringly. "You won't get in trouble for those. But you don't need to go around using magic willy nilly."

Calandra nodded and looked back up to her mother.

"When can I go to school?" she asked.

"We're going to find out after lunch." Her mother replied. "We're going to speak with one of the teachers. He was your father's head of house. Mine, too when I came to Hogwarts."

"Will he be mine?" Calandra asked.

"Maybe." Her mother said, sipping her tea. "Probably. Most of your father's family were in the same house. There were a few sorted into Slytherin, and one into Hufflepuff I think. But most of them have been Ravenclaws."

"What about yours?" Calandra cocked her head. "Have they all been in the same house?"

"Well, I didn't go to Hogwarts until my fifth year." She said. "We lived in a different country. My mum didn't go off to school. Her mum taught her at home."

Calandra digested this information.

"Will I have to take a test?" she asked nervously. "I don't know how to do anything."

"No, you probably won't have to take a test. He might ask you to try to cast a few spells, but that will probably be it. We're only meeting with him because most children go off to school when they're eleven."

"So how will I catch up with everyone else?" Calandra wondered.

"We'll find out today!" her mother said.

Calandra's mother took her to a small corner of the street that they'd been walking down and cautioned her to hold tightly to her hand.

"We're going to travel to the school, and this will get us there quickly." Her mother said. "Hold tightly to my hand and don't let go. It'll probably be best if you close your eyes."

Calandra did as she was told and a moment later, she felt a sickening sensation come over her. It felt as though someone were pulling her up into the air and forcing her into a sweater that was three sizes too small. She felt her body squeeze and tried not to be sick. Then the pressure lifted, and Calandra felt the ground beneath her feet again.

Calandra peeked one eye open and found herself looking at a completely different place than the place she'd been standing a moment ago. He mother straightened her clothes and gave her a smile.

"Quicker than the bus, isn't it?" she grinned.

Calandra nodded and studied the place they'd come to. The path they were on led back to a bustling street. Ahead of them was a grassy hill. Calandra's mother motioned up the hill.

"That's where we're going." She said.

Calandra followed her mother up the hill. She didn't say a word as she looked around. This looked like any other hill in the country. Trees lined one side of the path, leading into a small forest. The farther up they went the more rooftops Calandra could see of the little town. Finally, they stopped at a set of large gates. A slim woman with dark hair severely pulled back away from her face greeted them.

"Mrs. White." she inclined her head toward Calandra's mother.

"Professor McGonagall!" Her mother seemed surprised. "We're here for a meeting regarding my daughter attending Hogwarts. Professor Flitwick said he'd let us onto the grounds."

"Filius has come down with a bad case of Scrofungulus, I'm afraid." Professor McGonagall grimaced. "I volunteered to take over his meetings this month."

"I'm sorry to hear he's ill." Calandra's mother said.

"Poppy is tending to him." Professor McGonagall said. "He should be better soon. Shall we go up to the castle?"

"Of course. Calandra," she said turning to her daughter, "This is Professor McGonagall. Professor this is my daughter, Calandra."

"Please to make your acquaintance." Professor McGonagall nodded to Calandra.

They followed the professor through the gates and up a path that led past a large forest and by a small house. Calandra breathed in a breath of wonder at the Castle that loomed above them on up the path. Towers rose tall above the stone structure. A large lake stretched out before the castle and Calandra saw carriages off to one side of it.

Professor McGonagall ushered them through the large wooden doors and up long corridors. Calandra followed closely behind her as they wound their way up flights of stairs. Finally, she opened a door and walked inside, waving her hand toward them.

"Come." Professor McGonagall sad. "Have a seat."

Calandra sat in one of the chairs in front of the professor's desk. She watched in amazement as Professor McGonagall took a quill out of a stand and dipped it in ink. The woman peered over her spectacles at Calandra and her mother.

"So, young lady." Professor McGonagall addressed Calandra. "You wish to enroll here at Hogwarts?"

Calandra nodded.

"I can assure you, you will get the very best education here." Professor McGonagall said with a swift nod of her head.

"Now, I need to copy down some information. When did you receive your letter?"

"My letter?" Calandra asked.

"Yes, your letter to attend Hogwarts." Professor McGonagall glanced at her. "I do not have a note of it."

"It came last year." Calandra's mother interjected.

Professor McGonagall peered at Calandra's mother.

"May I ask why young Ms. White was not enrolled when she received her letter?"

Calandra's mother glanced down at her.

"My husband has been very apprehensive of certain rumors here in the magical world. He knew a group of students who, immediately after graduating, joined up with a bad lot."

Professor McGonagall nodded.

"It scared us. We thought, perhaps it would be safe for Callie if we stayed away from the wizarding world as much as possible."

Professor McGonagall studied them.

"I see." She said. "You are not the only parents with concerns regarding the rumors."

"So, Ms. White here has no experience with magic at all?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"Pretty much." Calandra's mother answered. "But she's incredibly bright and I've no doubt she'll excel at her classes."

Professor McGonagall smiled.

"I'm sure she is." She said and dipped her quill in an ink pot. "All we have to do really is enroll you, young woman and you'll be ready to go in September. When is your birthday?"

"November." Calandra said. "November fifth."

"You'll be thirteen this year?" she asked shrewdly.

Calandra nodded.

Professor McGonagall sighed and Calandra's mother spoke up.

"Professor, I know Callie is lacking a year in her schooling. I know she is behind the others, but please put her in the year with others her age. She'll be almost two years older than the other students if she enters in as a first year."

"I do not know if that would be the wisest course of action Mrs. White." Professor McGonagall took her glassed off and rubbed her eye. "There would be a lot of course work she'd be missing. A lot of groundwork is laid first year."

"What if we do all the work at home?" Calandra's mother asked. "We'll work all summer and I'll have her do assignments and practice her spell work and everything. If she can get caught up before the new school term starts will you let her into the class with others her age?"

"That is only two months away." Professor McGonagall said.

"A lot can be done in two months." Calandra's mother said.

Professor McGonagall perched her glasses back on her nose. She pursed her lips and thought very hard for a long moment.

"Very well." She said at last. "I shall give you a list of expectations we have for our second years. _If_ Ms. White can adequately preform those tasks, I see no reason why the Headmaster would be opposed to her joining those of her age group."

Calandra's mother stood up and grasped Professor McGonagall's hands and shook them.

"Thank you." she said. "Thank you, professor."

"Alright." Professor McGonagall said, scratching her quill across a sheet of parchment on her desk. "Here are your goals, Ms. White."

She held out the parchment to Calandra. Calandra peered at the list. She looked up at Professor McGonagall and bit her lip.

"Won't I get in trouble for doing magic outside of school?" she asked.

Professor McGonagall smiled at her.

"Not as long as your mother pays careful attention." She said conspiratorially.

She tapped the parchment with her finger.

"I look forward to seeing your progress, Ms. White."


	3. Chapter 3

August 29, 1972

"Remember the wand movement." Her mother said, scanning the list. "And pronunciation is key. Say what you mean and-"

"Mean what I say." Calandra finished. "I know mum."

Her mother nodded and pulled a thick folder from her satchel. She handed it to Calandra.

"Here's all the work you've done," she said. "McGonagall will probably ask you about it."

Calandra nodded.

"I'll be right here." Her mother gestured to the hallway outside Professor McGonagall's office. "When you're finished. You'll do great, Callie."

Calandra nodded and took a deep breath. She and her mother had worked tirelessly the past two months. Calandra had copied down facts and memorized ways to move a wand. She'd practiced opening doors and turning on lights. Her mother had helped her plant magical flowers and charmed them to grow quickly. She'd done nothing but study for the past eight weeks. And it all came to this.

She knocked on Professor McGonagall's door and walked on in at the welcome. Calandra was surprised to see other people besides Professor McGonagall in the room. Professor McGonagall sat with another lady and a tiny man. They all nodded at Calandra and Professor McGonagall stood up.

"Good afternoon, Ms. White." She said.

"This is Professor Sprout," she gestured to the lady.

"And Professor Flitwick," she gestured to the tiny man. "We are all excited to see what you've learned." 

Calandra held out the folder to Professor McGonagall.

"This is my work for the classes you wrote down." she said. "All the assignments are in there."

Professor McGonagall flipped through the folder and raised her brows. She handed a few papers to Professor Flitwick and rifled through the rest of the work in the folder. Professor Flitwick smiled at the paper he held in his hand.

"You certainly are very thorough." Professor McGonagall said.

"Can you tell me how levitation charms and softening charms are similar?" Professor Flitwick asked.

"Oh yes." Calandra nodded. "In theory you make things lighter with either charm, but the mass never actually ever changes when you levitate something. If you soften things, like turning a rock into rubber, the mass usually changes."

Professor Flitwick smiled at her.

"Can you tell me why?" he asked.

"Well." Calandra thought. "When you cast the spell on the rock, it turns into a bunch of very tiny pieces that reassemble themselves back together in a different structure. Little bits of those pieces get lost in the magic, or rather the energy of the magic. That's why if you keep softening an item over and over and over it will eventually disappear."

Professor Flitwick nodded.

"Very good," he said. "Some of my second and third years couldn't have answered that."

"Will you demonstrate some charms for us?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Calandra nodded and lit the end of her wand. She loved doing the charms. She showed them how she could lock and unlock the door and levitated Professor Sprout's hat onto Professor Flitwick's head.

"Wonderful." Professor Flitwick said.

"Well," Professor McGonagall said. "You seem to have a grasp on Charms. What about Transfiguration? I see you've defined the transfiguration alphabet here. Can you apply that to spell work?"

Calandra nodded and held her wand tightly.

"I can transfigure some things. It's a bit harder." She said and pointed her want at the books on the desk. She flicked her wrist and the covers of the books turned to glass, then wood, then back to normal."

Professor McGonagall nodded.

"What is the wand movement to turn items into birds?" she asked.

"A figure eight, but sideways."

"And what is the spell that transforms an object into a matchbox?"

"Flintifors." Calandra replied.

Professor McGonagall nodded and Professor Sprout spoke up.

"Where did you find a Devil's Snare?" she asked. "And did you draw and label this yourself?"

She held up one of the illustrations Calandra had labeled.

"My mum took me to a place called Dogweed." She said. "It's in that little village past the gate. The owner let me draw it in the shop before selling it to a man who wanted it to guard his 'Quaffle' collection."

"It's very good." Professor Sprout said.

"Thank you." Calandra said and bit her lip. "I'm not very good at Herbology, really. I can identify the plants and I know what they can do, but I'm awful at growing them. My mum and I tried to grow Puffapods, but I only got three beans out of my spore."

Professor Sprout gave Calandra a soft smile.

"I'm sure you'll do fine," she said. "Magical plants are tricky little things. Most people need help at first."

Professor McGonagall read over some of the other pages in the folder. Professor Sprout looked through all of Calandra's plant labels and Professor Flitwick quizzed her on different events throughout magical history. Finally, Professor McGonagall looked at her.

"Well, Ms. White," she said with a smile. "I think we all agree that your grasp of magic is on par with those entering their second year."

The other two professors nodded.

"I see no reason why you cannot attend Hogwarts as a second year, provided that you do not fall behind your classmates and can cope with the work."

Calandra nodded happily. She'd done it! She'd done it! She felt giddy with excitement. All that time she'd spent reading and re-reading all the textbooks. All the work her mother had helped her with. She'd done it!

"Now we only need to see which house you'll be sorted into." Professor McGonagall said and walked toward a bookshelf by the wall. "I trust you know the four houses, from reading Hogwarts; A History."

Calandra nodded.

"Then you know you'll share a dormitory with others in your house and share classes with them and the like. Take a seat there on the stool, Ms. White."

Calandra perched on the stool by the door and watched Professor McGonagall take a pile of tatty old leather off the shelf. She brought it over to Calandra and Calandra realized it wasn't just a pile of old leather. It was a ratty old hat, with a large rip running the seam of the brim. Professor McGonagall held the hat out and Calandra realized she was supposed to wear it.

She dipped her head and Professor McGonagall placed the hat atop it. Calandra waited for something to happen. She jumped when she heard a tiny voice speak in her ear.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" the voice said.

Calandra looked up towards the professors.

"I can hear your gears turning." The voice said. "You're a smart one, you know it isn't them."

Calandra looked upward toward where the hat sat on her head.

"Now, where shall we put you?" the hat asked. "Ravenclaw is a good choice, with a mind like that."

Calandra swallowed. Her father had been in Ravenclaw. She didn't want to be anything like him.

"No?" the hat questioned. "You don't seem much like a Hufflepuff. Too much self-preservation for now. Time tends to change that, you know."

"There's something more, though, isn't there?" the hat said. "You've got something in there, deep down. A bit different from the others."

Calandra's heart thudded in her chest. She held her breath and waited for the hat to say something else.

"Gryffindor!" the hat called out.

All of the professors smiled at her and Professor McGonagall plucked the hat off her head.

"Welcome to Hogwarts Ms. White. You'll be in my house."

Calandra smiled and shook hands with the all the professors. She opened the door and went back out into the hallway where her mother waited. Her mother took one look at her and scooped her into a tight hug.

"I knew you'd show them," she said into Calandra's hair. "My clever, clever Callie."

Calandra smiled wider than ever before. She held her mother tightly and a laugh bubbled out of her.

"So what house are you in?" her mother asked.

Calandra pulled back.

"You knew I'd be sorted today?" she asked.

"McGonagall mentioned it in her letters. She said if you passed, they would sort you today so you wouldn't have to be sorted with all the first years."

Calandra gazed into her mother's happy, open face.

"Gryffindor." She said.

Her mother's eyebrows shot up.

"Gryffindor," she mused. "Where the brave at heart dwell."

Calandra looked up at her apprehensively. Was she disappointed?

Her mother pulled her into another hug and whispered in her ear.

"It's perfect Callie. My brave little girl. It's perfect."

* * *

September 1, 1972

Calandra stood at the platform and stared at the shiny red engine. Her mother fussed over her, straightening her collar and smoothing her hair. Calandra watched people milling around, pushing trolleys and hugging children.

"If you need anything at all you just send an owl, ok?" Her mother repeated, for the twelfth time.

Calandra nodded.

"Remember what I told you," she knelt down and looked Calandra in the eye. "You are going to do great. You deserve to be there. Don't let anyone make you feel different."

Calandra nodded again.

"I'm going to miss you so much," her mother pulled her in for a tight hug. "I love you, Callie. Write to me!"

Callie said goodbye to her mother and boarded the train. She finagled her trunk into an empty compartment and sat with it under her feet. She couldn't lift it to the ledge that was overhead and didn't want to get in trouble for using magic, so she just left it on the floor and looked out the window at all the people.

Some students had animals in cages on their trolleys. One very tall boy had a rat perched on his shoulder. A pretty girl with long blonde hair stroked the head of a large tawny owl through its cage. Cats meowed and toads croaked from all different directions.

"Hi."

Calandra turned to find a girl about her age standing in the doorway to the compartment. She had light brown hair and huge amber eyes. 

"I'm Alice, want some company?" the girl asked.

Calandra nodded.

"Sure." She said.

The girl pulled her trunk into the compartment and sat a cage with a sleek black cat inside on the seat next to Calandra. She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes and nodded toward the trunks.

"If we both lift them, we can get them up there. Then they won't be underfoot."

Calandra stood up and helped the girl put her trunk on the ledge above the seats. They hoisted Calandra's up, too and pushed it back beside the other one. Then the girl turned around and sat across from Calandra. Calandra held out her hand and introduced herself.

"I'm Calandra. Thanks for helping me with my trunk."

"Oh, it's no problem," she said easily. "Is this your first year at Hogwarts?"

"Yes, but I'm entering as a second year." Calandra answered.

"Ooh, it's my second year!" the girl said.

Calandra nodded and smiled. This girl seemed nice. Alice. She said her name was Alice.

"What house are you in?" Calandra asked her.

"I'm in Gryffindor." Alice said. "Have you been sorted?"

Calandra smiled.

"I'm in Gryffindor, too."

"How fun!" Alice said. "Hopefully you can share our dorm. Have you ever been to Hogwarts before?"

"Yes, I visited over the summer and met some of the Professors." She said.

"It's wonderful." Alice said. "Oh, look! There's Mary!"

She poked her head out of the compartment and waved to a girl with short sandy brown hair. The girl smiled and pushed her way into the compartment. She sat next to Alice with a huff.

"The Prewett twins had a Chomping Cabbage." She said. "Everyone was crowding the walkway trying to see it."

"Oh!" Alice breathed. "Maybe they'll let Professor Sprout show it to the class."

"I don't know." Mary said. "That's for what, fourth years?"

"Mmm." Alice pulled a face. "Yeah."

She turned to Calandra and motioned to Mary.

"This is Mary. She's in Gryffindor, too. We share a dorm."

Mary looked at Calandra curiously.

"This is Calandra. She's in our year, but this is her first at Hogwarts. She's already been sorted. She's in our house."

Mary smiled at her and gave a small wave.

"Nice to meet you. Where are you from?"

"I'm from Hertfordshire. Where are you from?" she asked.

"Bromley." Mary said. "Alice lives in Wiltshire."

"Sounds like we're getting ready to go." Alice said, pressing her face against the window.

Sure enough, the train whistle blew and the engine lurched forward. Calandra watched as the people on the station waved goodbye. She couldn't help the smile that crept across her face. She was going to Hogwarts. She was going to magic school!


	4. Chapter 4

September 1, 1972

Calandra sat next to Alice at one of the long tables in the Great Hall. The girl named Mary sat with them and they were looking for another girl they knew. Candles floated overhead in the air and when Calandra looked past them the whole entire ceiling of the hall was dotted with stars.

Students filled in all the spaces at the tables. Three older students who looked like they were already eighteen or nineteen sat to Calandra's right, conversing about something called Harpies. A tall girl with close cropped brown hair dumped books at the table next to them. A pair of red headed twins sat across from Mary, smiling and laughing with one another.

Two boys about her own age ran up and sat across from Alice. Alice seemed to know them fairly well. Both were skinny with lots of dark hair; perhaps they were related, brothers maybe. One was gregarious; he spoke to everyone and seemed to just take up space. Even his hair followed suit, sticking out in all directions. The other was quieter; sitting up straight on the bench interjecting now and then, always getting a laugh out of the others when he did so, but mostly just looked indifferent.

A short boy with his tie tucked up into his collar bounced over to them and sat next to them, telling them that someone else was on his way. Alice vigorously waved to someone across the hall and scooted Calandra closer to her on the bench. A girl with dark eyes and dark hair appeared in front of her.

"Dorcas! I didn't see you on the train." Alice said, nodding to the space across from Calandra.

Dorcas looked curiously at Calandra and sat in front of her.

"I fell asleep." She said to Alice. "Woke up with that lot stacking chocolate frog boxes on me."

She gestured to the three boys that sat nearby. Alice rolled her eyes and laid a hand on Calandra's arm.

"This is Calandra." Alice said. "She's in our year. Was sorted over the summer."

Dorcas smiled and held out her hand.

"I'm Dorcas. Most people call me Meadows, but you don't have to. These ninnies call me Dor."

Calandra shook her hand and introduced herself.

"Calandra. Nice to meet you."

Dorcas asked her a few questions about who she was and where she came from. Calandra replied with carefully rehearsed answers. Alice, Mary, and Dorcas started a lively conversation about one of their teachers and Calandra listened intently.

"Longbottom said she was much better than last year's." Dorcas said. "Who knows who we'll end up with next."

"She won't stay?" Calandra asked.

"Oh no." Alice said. "It changes every year."

"Do _all_ the teachers change every year?" Calandra asked, confusedly.

"No, just the defense teacher." Dorcas said and leant forward. "Some people say the position is bad luck. No teacher wants to stay for more than a year."

Just then, the doors to the great hall swung open and Professor McGonagall marched in with a group of children following behind her. She strode up to the front of the room and deposited a stool there, then pulled a familiar looking hat out from under her arm and sat the hat atop it.

Calandra waited for a student to step forward and try on the hat, but none did. Suddenly the hat started singing.

_Another year has passed us by_

_Into the school you walk_

_Go on and place me on your head_

_I do not bite, don't balk_

_Old I am, my threads are worn_

_But they hold me true and fair_

_This old hat has seen it all_

_So set me on your hair_

_I'll tell you where you ought to go_

_Where your glory lies_

_The colors of the house you'll join_

_You'll wear on emblems, scarves, and ties._

_Will it be blue of Ravenclaw_

_Where wit and wisdom drive_

_Where cleverness and knowledge gained_

_Makes one feel alive_

_Or perhaps the green of Slytherin_

_You'll wear proudly on your chest_

_Where ambition and leadership_

_Set you apart from all the rest_

_Maybe Hufflepuff for some of you_

_Ties striped bright with yellow_

_All you hardworking patient folk_

_Will join those loyal fellows._

_Or it could be the crimson red_

_Of Gryffindor banner flying_

_Where you brave and courageous folk belong_

_Of that there's no denying._

_How does this hat decide the fate_

_I'll tell you how I know_

_The story is an old one_

_It started centuries ago_

_The founders four who made the school_

_Fashioned me as the guide_

_For I can see and hear your thoughts_

_Though I have no ears or eyes._

_So, step right up, sit right down_

_The show just can't be beat._

_Place my brim upon your brow_

_My verdict you'll soon meet._

The hat finished singing and McGonagall picked it up. She unfurled a parchment and read off it.

"Adams, Thackery."

A young boy with large brown eyes and horn-rimmed glasses stepped forward. McGonagall motioned toward the stool off and Thackery sat on it, facing the door. McGonagall placed the hat on Thackery's head and stepped back. Everyone waited.

"Ravenclaw!" the hat shouted.

The table next to hers shouted and whooped. Thackery hopped off the stool and went to sit among the students there. Calandra clapped along with the rest of the students and watched as McGonagall straightened her glasses and looked back down at her parchment.

"Aglefirth, Magdolen."

A tiny girl with thick blonde braids perched herself on the stool. The hat took almost no time at all in deciding the house she should be in.

"Gryffindor!"

Everyone around her burst into applause. People whistled and cheered. Magdolen sat next to a tall girl with a badge on her robes and McGonagall called out another name.

"Allerson, Richard."

Students came forward, one by one, and the hat told them where to go. Calandra watched as each one made their way to the table they were supposed to sit at. Calandra wondered how the hat knew where to send them. A quietness seemed to fall over the students next to Dorcas and Calandra looked to see what had happened.

It was the group of boys. Up until now, they'd been quite noisy; sniggering under their breath and jostling one another. But now they were all silent. A new boy sat with them. Brown hair curled over his forehead. He slumped on the bench, as if he wanted to be smaller than he was. When he turned to face the front of the room Calandra's eyes grew wide.

His face was lined with long, pink scars. He had dark shadows under his eyes and looked like he was ready to fall asleep at the table. But worse than that, was the look in his eyes. Calandra saw exhaustion there, and perhaps a bit of mischief, but mostly fear. She recognized the look all too well; she saw it most every time she looked in the mirror.

_What was he scared of?_

"Black, Regulus."

McGonagall's voice rang out and jolted Calandra out of her thoughts. She looked toward the front of the room and saw a small dark-haired boy sit himself on the stool. McGonagall perched the hat on his head and stood to the side. The boy sat there, hands holding the seat of the stool with the hat perched on his head for longer than any of the other students. People at Calandra's table shot glances out of the corner of their eyes towards the boy with the scars.

_Was this who he was scared of?_

Calandra studied Regulus Black. He didn't seem very frightening. He looked like any other young boy. His eyes darted around the room and Calandra found herself fascinated by the color of them. She could see them clearly all the way from her seat. They were grey. Stormy grey. Calandra hated the color grey, but in his eyes it looked different.

She looked back to the boy with the scars and realized that he was not the one people were looking at. It was one of the others; the quiet boy with the dark hair. He'd risen up in his seat just a bit and was watching Regulus Black with interest.

"Slytherin!"

The hat's voice pierced the room. A tall blonde boy stood at the table furthest away from her and clapped. Regulus Black slid off the stool, and with a glance over his shoulder, turned and walked to the table full of clapping students.

Mary whispered something to Alice beside her. The students at her own table went back to their own conversations. Calandra looked back to the dark-haired boy down the table.

He'd sat back down on the bench. His friends nudged him and clapped him on the back. They whispered among themselves and the dark-haired boy shook his head. He stared at the table in front of him while the others turned back to the front of the room. Calandra saw him give a small sigh. He blinked twice and smiled a faint ghost of a smile before his features settled back into indifference and he turned back toward the front.

Professor McGonagall read off more names. The hat sent students off to their tables and the sorting ceremony ended with Stephanie York sorted into Hufflepuff. Professor Dumbledore stood up behind a podium. The chatter died down.

"Welcome!" he said. "It is wonderful to see all your familiar faces. It is equally as wonderful to see those of you whose freckles and smiles have not stamped themselves upon our memories. Our first order of business is to welcome a new teacher into our midst."

He gestured back towards the teacher's table with his hand.

"Students, allow me to introduce Professor Hayes; our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."

A tall, broad woman stood and dipped her head. The students applauded politely. Dumbledore stroked his beard and graciously nodded his head toward Professor Hayes.

"Our second order of business is dinner!" he clapped his hands Calandra leant back. Food had appeared on every table.

"Tally ho." Dumbledore said jovially and went back to his seat.

Calandra gaped at the table in front of her. Plates of food stretched as far as she could see. Roast chicken lay on silver platters. Corn and peas and carrots and beans filled bowls; the ladles of spoons sticking out of them. Tankards of something sat next to Calandra's plate beside a steaming pile of bread.

Calandra reached out and took some chicken. Alice passed a platter of jacket potatoes to her and reached for the salt. Calandra handed off items as people asked for them and took a bite of her meal. It was delicious. Dorcas poured an orange liquid into her cup and Calandra nodded her head toward it.

"What is that?"

Dorcas looked up in surprise.

"Pumpkin juice. Have you ever had any?"

Calandra shook her head and Dorcas pushed her cup forward.

"Try it!" she encouraged. "It's great."

Calandra tilted the cup up to her lips and took a sip. It was good. She was getting ready to tell Dorcas as much when she caught a conversation between Mary and another student.

"My mum let my sister and I pick out one each. She got Donny Osmond, but I got Dan McLean. My mum likes his song Vincent." A girl with dark red hair said. "I like the American Pie one. It's so long, though, I don't know anyone who can remember all the words."

Calandra's eyes lit up.

"I love that one." She said, leaning forward to see the girl better. "My mum said it was about the President, in America."

Alice, Mary, and the red-haired girl looked at her. The red-haired girl looked surprised.

"You know Don McLean?" she asked.

"Yeah." Calandra nodded. "Well, I mean, I don't _know_ him. But I like his music. My mum and I dance to some of them when we tidy the house."

"Are your parents muggle?" Dorcas asked curiously.

Calandra glanced at her and sat back.

"No." she said. "Both of my parents have magic."

The girls looked at her with interest. Calandra saw the boy with all the scars glance at her out of the corner of his eye.

"How do you know about muggle music?" the red-haired girl asked.

"We…we…we live next to muggles." Calandra wracked her mind for answers. She hadn't prepared for this. "We have a radio. My mum likes the music. So do I. We listen to it in the car."

"You have a car?" Alice asked interestedly. "Do you have other muggle things?"

"Like what?" Calandra asked nervously.

"Like a tevilision?" Alice asked.

"A television." The red-haired girl corrected. "Honestly, you're hopeless."

"Yeah." Calandra nodded, thinking of the box in the living room that almost always remained off.

"Wow." Alice breathed. "How does it work with the magic?"

"What?" Calandra asked.

"I've never heard of anyone who could use magic around their muggle things. Usually it makes them go haywire." Mary said.

"No, that's not true." Dorcas said. "You can use magic around them, just not on them most times. My mum uses magic in our house and my dad still watches football."

Calandra didn't offer anything more to the conversation. She didn't know how to answer their questions. Her parents were both magical, but they'd lived as muggles in their home for years. Calandra thought they were muggle until a few months ago. She didn't even know her father had a magical job; just that he left for business often.

Alice nudged her elbow and leant forward.

"Come on." She said. "Let's go ask McGonagall if you can bunk with us."

"What do you mean?" Calandra asked as Alice steered her towards the teacher's table. McGonagall was standing and pushing her chair in.

"There are two rooms for girls in our year. There were too many of us to put into one, so four of us share each of them. Leslie Baxter is in the other one and she's horrid."

Alice marched up to Professor McGonagall and spoke lowly to her. Calandra stood behind Alice and watched McGonagall's expression. The stern woman nodded as she listened to Alice. She turned to Calandra and peered over her glasses.

"I see no reason why you can't share a dorm with Ms. Fawcett and the other girls, if you wish Ms. White." She said. "After you get your things settled please come see me in my office. I'm sure Ms. Fawcett would be glad to show you the way if you can't remember where in the castle it."

Calandra nodded and Alice gave her an excited smile. She grabbed Calandra's hand and bounced back over to the others.

"Guess, what!" she said. "McGonagall just gave her permission to share our room."

The girls all smiled at Calandra.

"That's great," said the red-haired girl. "I need someone around with better taste in music than this lot."

The others rolled their eyes and laughed. The red-haired girl held out her hand to Calandra.

"I'm Lily, by the way."

"Calandra." She took Lily's hand.

Alice pulled Calandra down beside her and leant in close, telling her all about the dorm rooms she'd be in and the teachers that were starting to rise from their table. Calandra let her soft voice wash over her, and she gazed around the room. A smile worked its way onto Calandra's face and when she turned back to Alice's kind, excited face, she was happy. She had a friend.

Calandra stuck close by all the other girls as they wound their way through the castle. They walked down corridors and up staircases. Alice rattled off information as they walked. Some of these staircases moved, don't take directions from someone called Peeves, Nearly Headless Nick will help if you get lost. Calandra didn't know who these people were, but she filed the information away anyway.

They came to a halt in front of a portrait of a large woman in a silk dress. Calandra looked around, wondering why they'd stopped here. She was about to ask when the lady in the portrait looked right at her. Calandra gasped and the lady spoke.

"Password?" she asked.

"Serendipity." Dorcas said.

The lady nodded and the other girls stepped back. Calandra followed suite. The portrait swung out and behind it was an opening. Alice grabbed Calandra's arm and pulled her forward.

"Come on!" she said. "This is our common room."

Calandra crawled through the hole and looked around. Armchairs and comfortable sofas were scattered around the room. Writing desks and bookshelves lined two of the walls. Staircases led up the other two walls. Doors dotted the landings the whole way up.

The other girls led Calandra up the stairs and through a door. Inside was a large room with five beds in it. Dorcas jerked her thumb toward the one closest to the window.

"That one must be yours." She said.

Calandra walked over to it and saw her trunk sitting at the foot of the bed. Deep burgundy sheets lined the bed. Atop them lay a fluffy duvet. The other girls started unpacking their things, so Calandra followed suite. She put away jumpers and trousers in the drawers of the chest by her bed and hang her school uniforms in the wardrobe beside it.

Calandra looked around at the room and took in the other decorations. Mary had pasted lots of pictures to the wall above her bed. All the people in those pictures moved. Lily had regular photographs mixed through her magical ones. Dorcas had a poster of five green skinned people in matching black robes and another poster of a girl in blue robes flying on a broomstick.

Alice had a large Gryffindor banner over her bed and posters of scenes underwater. There were a few photos by her bed, but Calandra couldn't see everything. Half of the curtains were down, surrounding the mattress.

Calandra sat on her bed and ran a hand over the bedspread. Alice and Mary came over and leaned against her bedposts. They looked at her excitedly.

"What do you think?" Mary asked.

Calandra looked around the room and at the bright hopeful faces of the girls in it.

"I love it." She said with a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

December 20, 1972

The first half of the term flew by for Calandra. She learned how to mix things together to make a potion that shrank her schoolbooks down to the size of paperclips. In Professor Flitwick's class she learned a charm that made people tap dance when she cast it.

She got lost going to class by herself the first few times, but most people were nice enough to show her where to go. The boy with the scars on his face showed her which staircases moved and which didn't. He'd been very kind and eased Calandra's embarrassment when he'd told her he got lost, too.

"I tried to go to Astronomy one night and ended up at the Ravenclaw tower." He said. "I was so confused I made myself a map."

"That's a good idea." She said. "Could I borrow it?"

"My mates stole it." He rolled his eyes. "They soaked it in a potion that made the ink disappear. Sorry."

Calandra laughed.

"That's ok. I'll figure it out."

Her first Quidditch match exhilarated her. All those people, flying around so quickly. On broomsticks! She watched as the people swooped and twirled through the air. Calandra knew then that she had to learn to fly on a broom.

Dorcas showed her how one day. She took her down to the Quidditch pitch and, using a school broom for Calandra, showed her how to control the broom. Calandra rose up in the air, shakily at first. She gripped the handle of the broomstick and did what Dorcas told her to do, and soon she was zipping around the pitch. She fell off many times, but the worst injury she got was scraped up hands.

Calandra would have been perfectly happy if it were not for her secret. She felt like any moment someone would corner her and tell her they knew what she was and make her leave. She didn't join in any conversations the others had about their families. She stayed vague about her childhood and tried to be as unassuming as she could.

Alice often looked at her like she wanted to ask questions, but she never did. Calandra was thankful that she didn't. She didn't want to lie to Alice. Alice was the nicest person she'd ever met. Alice was the one who sat next to Calandra in class and the one who answered Calandra's questions about the wizarding world. The two of them shared desserts at dinner and worked through their homework together.

The Wednesday before the Christmas holiday Calandra walked up the stairs toward Gryffindor tower, lost in thought. It didn't seem like it was time for Christmas. It seemed like the school year had just started. Calandra missed her mother, and wanted to see her, but she didn't want to have to leave school. She especially didn't want to have to go home to her father.

She sighed and turned the corner, then lit up. The little tabby cat was there. Calandra rushed forward and called out to the cat.

'Here kitty, kitty." She said. "I've missed you."

The cat turned to her and held its head up toward Calandra's hand when she knelt down. Calandra stroked the soft fur between its ears. She'd come across the cat all over the castle. It had been down by the Potion's classroom close to Halloween, then back outside Gryffindor tower after they came back up from a Quidditch game. Last week she saw it outside the boys' loo on the third floor.

Calandra scooped up the cat, who had become quite familiar with her. She rubbed her chin across the cat's head and leaned against the wall. Calandra sighed and petted the cat.

"I have to go home next week." She whispered to the cat.

The cat blinked up at her.

"I don't really want to go." She said. "Everything here is so open. When I'm at home it feels like I'm stuck….like I'm in a box."

The cat stretched in her arms and Calandra sank to the floor.

"My father is going to ask me if anyone knows." She said quietly. "I don't think they do. I haven't told anyone."

She sat there petting the cat, wishing she didn't have to go home. A group of students turned the corner and walked towards her, toward the Fat lady's portrait. A professor was with them. Professor Slughorn, the potion master. He was laughing with the students as he passed her, then did a double take.

Calandra pressed herself back into the stone wall as Professor Slughorn gaped at her. She looked around warily and gave him a nod.

"Hello, Professor." She said timidly.

He nodded at her and continued walking with the group of students. Calandra got up and walked the other way down the hallway. She ducked into an alcove and held the cat close to her. Her heart beat madly.

"Do you think he knows?" she asked. "Is there a potion that detects Sirens?"

The cat meowed in her arms. Calandra ran her hands through its fur. She sighed and leant back against the wall. She needed to go back to her dormitory. She hadn't packed at all.

She slowly went back up the hall. Calandra cradled the cat in her arms as she walked to the Fat Lady's portrait. Before she could give the password, the portrait swung open. Two older students popped through and looked at her curiously.

"What are you doing?" one asked.

"Err, going to my dorm." She said.

"How'd you catch her?" the other asked.

"What?" Calandra asked.

"McGonagall never lets anyone hold her." He nodded to the cat in her arms.

Calandra drew back. She stared at the tabby cat she held. It blinked up at her.

"McGonagall?" she asked. "Professor McGonagall?"

"Yeah," he said in surprise. "I thought she showed all the first years. See the glasses?"

He pointed to the white patches on the cat's head. They did look like glasses, now that Calandra thought about it. The older students scratched the cat on the head and walked away.

"Evening Professor." They said and walked down the corridor.

Calandra stood there, confused. McGonagall was a cat? How was she a cat? She peered at the cat in her arms, then froze. Her eyes grew wide and her heart stuttered in her chest. If this cat was McGonagall, Calandra had ruined everything.

She set the cat down gently and ran through the portrait hole. Calandra didn't stop until she was in her dorm. She rushed to the bed and collapsed on it, clutching her knees to her chest. She'd been so stupid. Why had she had to go and talk to cats? What had she done? She buried her face in her hands and tried to breathe.

Calandra didn't hear to door open or the soft footsteps that approached her. She gasped and flinched away when someone touched her arm. She looked up, horrified to see Professor McGonagall standing beside her.

"We need to have a chat, Ms. White." She said gently. "Let's go to my office."

Calandra mutely nodded and followed Professor McGonagall out of the door, feeling sick to her stomach. She trudged down the corridor and sat in the chair in front of Professor McGonagall's desk. Calandra stared down at her hands, waiting for Professor McGonagall to start yelling at her.

"Would you like a biscuit, Ms. White?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Calandra shook her head.

"That was some news I just heard, Ms. White." She said.

Calandra nodded again.

"I would like to apologize." Professor McGonagall cleared her throat.

Calandra looked up at her, waiting for her to tell her she couldn't come back.

"It never occurred to me that you would divulge anything of that nature to me. I show all of my students my Animagus form in their first year. Most recognize me. It slipped my mind that you were not in my first year Transfiguration Class."

Calandra waited.

"I'll admit I've been a bit worried about you." Professor McGonagall said. "I check up on students from time to time in my other form. Some naughty children try to catch me. None have been as patient as you, though."

Professor McGonagall smiled. Calandra did not. She sat, rigid on the edge of her chair.

"Do you want to talk about anything Ms. White?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Calandra shook her head.

"Well." Professor McGonagall pushed her glasses up her nose and stood. "We'll need to inform the Headmaster of this."

Calandra sucked in a breath.

"No." she whispered. "Please. No. I'll leave. But don't tell anyone. Please."

Professor McGonagall surveyed her.

"I'm afraid the Headmaster must be informed. It is his duty to his students that he know these types of things."

"I won't do anything." Calandra said desperately. "I've been careful. I haven't done anything. Please. Don't tell him. I'll go home. I'll leave, just please. Don't tell him."

Professor McGonagall's face softened.

"Ms. White. You do not have to leave. Professor Dumbledore will not expel you because of what you are."

"You don't understand." Calandra shook her head. "Everyone hates….them. What if they come for me?"

Professor McGonagall sat back down and leant forward.

"Tell me about your family." She said gently. "How far back does it go? Was your mother a siren?"

Calandra shook her head.

"My great grandmother."

Professor McGonagall smiled.

"I assure you, Ms. White. You have nothing to fear. No one will come for you. You won't be expelled."

Calandra watched her, suspicious.

"Though I am far from an expert in these matters, the Siren blood in you is so diluted that you pose no threat to any of your fellow students."

Calandra shook her head.

"I do." She whispered. "If they hear me sing."

"We can take care of that." Professor McGonagall said. "There are plenty unused rooms in the dungeons we can silence if you are ever inclined to use one."

Calandra watched the witch in front of her.

"You're serious?" she asked.

Professor McGonagall nodded.

"I can stay?" Calandra asked.

"Yes, you can stay."

"Professor Dumbledore won't tell everyone, will he?" she asked, frightened.

"He may inform the teachers." Professor McGonagall said. "But, given as how the manifestation of your ancestry is so minimal, I doubt that he will. The only other person whose knowledge would be required would be your head of house. And I'm ahead of him on this news."

Calandra sat back in her chair and breathed an uncertain breath.

"I can stay." She said. "I can stay."

* * *

December 22, 1972

"There's my little Callie Waggle." Calandra's mother pulled her into a tight hug.

Calandra wriggled in her mother mother's embrace, smiling into her mother's jacket.

"Mum!" she said. "Not in front of my friends."

Her mother pulled back and looked behind Calandra. Alice and Dorcas stood together right off the train platform. Dorcas waved to a dark-skinned couple who stood a little way down the platform. Alice smiled at Calandra's mother.

"Of course!" Calandra's mother pulled Calandra to her side. "Please, introduce me."

"Mum, this is Alice and Dorcas." Calandra motioned to the girls. "And this is my mum, Thalia."

Calandra's mother shook hands with both of the girls and greeted them warmly.

"It is so nice to meet you. how was the train ride?"

"Fine." Dorcas said.

Alice stepped up.

"We wanted to know if Calandra could visit us." She said. "Dorcas is coming to my house a few days after Christmas and we'd love for Calandra to come, too."

Calandra's mother hesitated. She looked down at Calandra's hopeful face and back to the other two girls. Finally, her face creased into a smile and she nodded.

"I think it could be arranged." She said. "I like to meet your parents first, though."

"Of course!" Alice beamed. "Let's go find them!"

She grabbed Calandra's hand and said goodbye to Dorcas. Then, she led them through the throng of people to find her parents. They were waiting for Alice further down the station platform.

"Mum! Dad!" Alice cried and two people turned toward her.

A lovely woman with soft brown hair pulled into a bun leant down and pulled Alice close to her. Beside her, a tall man with spectacles and a mustach smiled and wrapped an arm around Alice.

"Oh, how we've missed you!" the woman exclaimed.

The man knelt down and pulled Alice into a hug.

"The house hasn't been the same without you rucking things up everywhere. Your old man's been lost without you, poppet."

Calandra watched the interaction with a hint of envy flowing through her. She hung her head, feeling a bit ashamed and looked away. An old man and woman were waving wildly to someone with their backs turned toward Calandra. Both of them wrapped their arms around a boy and tousled his hair.

Alice tugged her mother and father forward, toward Calandra and her mother. The two women introduced themselves and Alice bounced with excitement.

"Calandra's mum wanted to meet you. She said Calandra might be able to come visit." Alice said.

"Of course." Alice's mother said. "We've been wanting to meet Alice's new best friend."

She turned to Calandra.

"We've heard all about you from Alice's letters." She smiled warmly. "You are more than welcome to come for a visit."

Calandra smiled at the woman and listened as her mother and Alice's mother chatted. Alice had written home about her. She looked at Alice's excited face and felt her chest grow warm. _Best friend_. The words were the most wonderful words she'd ever heard.


	6. Chapter 6

October 2, 1998

She crossed the room and sat on the bed, thinking hard. There were gaps. Things she couldn't quite recall. It was as if the new memories pushed the old ones out. New days walking the same sad paths along the walls crowding out the old ones; the happy ones. The ones where her mother was there, and Alice was beside her, and the world was full of light. It was harder to remember those these days.

She sighed and lay back against the pillow on her bed. Calandra breathed in the scent of cotton and tried to imagine it was jasmine or lavender or caramel. Any of the scents that used to make her feel welcome.

She pulled the sheets up tightly around her and stared up at the white ceiling. The flat had white ceilings. She thought about jumping ahead in her memories to times there. To happy times that were later splattered with worry and fear and blood. So much blood.

But no. She needed to go in order. She didn't want to lose any others. She'd remember it all soon enough. She focused on the white ceiling and thought back to school. She thought back to Alice. When Alice found out. That was the day she knew what true love really was.

* * *

March 21, 1973

"Callie." Alice bounced over to her. "Guess what I just heard!"

"What?" Calandra asked warily.

"The Hufflepuff prefect that showed us the giant squid. You know, the short girl with dark hair; Emily something. She just got caught with the Head Boy of Slytherin."

Calandra just stared at Alice.

"In his dormitory!" Alice almost shrieked.

"Oh my." Calandra said weakly. "That's against the rules."

Alice giggled.

"Quite right it is." Alice said.

"Hey!" Dorcas bowled into the room. "Did you hear?"

"Yes, I just told Callie!" Alice said.

"I wonder when we get to go!" Dorcas said excitedly.

Calandra and Alice looked at each other.

"Go where?" Alice asked.

"In the lake!" Dorcas crowed. "Professor Hayes is charming a boat that can go underwater!"

"Wow!" Alice breathed. "Do you think we are going to get to go see the Merpeople?"

"I hope so!" Dorcas said.

The two of them put their heads together and started discussing the upcoming class excitedly. Calandra chewed her lip as she thought about the lesson. She didn't really want to go down into the lake. She wanted to stay out of the water. Her mother stayed far away from water because she was scared to go in. Because of what she was. Calandra didn't dare risk it.

Calandra scratched her arm and wondered if she could pretend to be ill the day they were supposed to go in the lake.

* * *

April 15, 1973

"I've been looking for you!" Alice called down the hallway.

Calandra waved at her and forced herself to breathe evenly. She'd been in the dungeon Professor McGonagall had set aside for her.

"I was in the library earlier." Calandra called.

"I looked for you and didn't see you." Alice said.

"Well, I had to go to the loo, too." Calandra said. "And I handed in my Charms homework to Professor Flitwick."

"Yeah, I looked both of those places, too." Alice frowned. "How on earth did I miss you?"

Calandra shrugged and changed the subject.

"What did you need?" she asked.

"Nothing really." Alice said. "My mum sent me a package from home. It has sweets in it, and I wanted you to try them with me."

Calandra smiled and walked up the steps.

"Thanks!" she said. "Magic sweets?"

"Yeah." Alice said absentmindedly. "She sent me all sorts of stuff."

They walked the rest of the way to the dorm in silence. Calandra stole glances at Alice along the way. Alice looked lost in thought over something. Calandra gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole hoping that Alice was thinking of the sweets that they were walking towards.

* * *

May 18, 1973

Calandra sat in the dormitory and stared out the window. The rest of the class had gone down to the lake with Professor Hayes. Calandra half wished she was with them but couldn't risk it. The Merpeople might know what she was.

Calandra had stayed in bed that morning, feigning coughs and a horrible stomachache. Alice had been crushed for Calandra when she found out she wouldn't be going down into the lake with them. She offered to take Calandra to Madam Pomphrey to see if there was a quick fix, but Calandra ushered her away saying she'd be fine soon enough, it was probably just something she ate.

She sighed and watched the class file onto the boat that Hagrid had docked for them. Alice turned around and looked back up toward the castle. Calandra hurriedly ducked out of view, not wanting to be seen. Then, after a few moments she peeked around the curtain again.

Professor Hayes had her wand out and was steering them towards the middle of the lake. She cast a charm on the boat with a shower of orange sparks and slowly the boat sank beneath the water.

Calandra sighed and sat on her bed. She crossed her legs and rested her chin on her hand. She closed her eyes and imagined how excited Alice must be right now. She smiled and settled back against the bed to wait for them to get back.

* * *

June 17, 1973

"Callie?"

Calandra turned around to find Alice standing in the doorway. She stood, frozen to the floor, as Alice stepped into the room. How did Alice get in? The door was locked. Calandra's hands shook as her eyes wildly roved across the items in the room. She couldn't hide the instruments if she tried. Alice peered around the room and came over to Calandra.

"What is this place?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

Calandra's tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth. She wracked her brain, trying to come up with an excuse. Alice walked toward the piano and looked toward Calandra.

"Is this where you go?" she asked. "When you disappear from the dorm?"

Calandra nodded, silently.

"Why?" Alice asked.

Calandra opened her mouth. She couldn't think of anything to say. Alice started to run her fingers over the piano.

"No." Calandra choked.

She didn't think anything would happen, but what if there was some magic in that piano because she'd played it? What if it hurt Alice?

Alice paused and turned back to Calandra. She furrowed her forehead and looked between the piano and her friend. Her eyes scanned the room. Calandra saw her register the broken instruments in the corner. Alice's eyes grew round.

Calandra swallowed. She hadn't meant to break the instruments. Sometimes when she sang too loudly, they just fell apart in her hands. McGonagall was teaching her the spells to repair them, but she hadn't quite gotten the hang of it yet.

Alice turned back towards Calandra and watched her warily.

"Callie what are you doing in here?" she asked. "This is one of the dungeons."

Calandra couldn't bring herself to speak.

"Those broken instruments." Alice gestured toward the corner of the room. "How did they get like that?"

Calandra just stared at her friend.

"Did you do that?" Alice asked.

Calandra nodded.

"It looks like they've been smashed to bits." Alice said. "Like they've been cursed. How did they break?"

"I….I don't…I didn't want…didn't mean to." Calandra stammered.

Alice came up to Calandra and gazed anxiously into her eyes.

"Is someone hurting you?" Alice asked anxiously. "Are they trying to make you curse them? With dark magic? Let's go to Dumbledore."

Calandra drew back sharply.

"No." she said.

"What if you've been Imperiused?" Alice asked. "Slytherin dorms are right down the hall, no wonder they chose this room."

"I'm not-" Calandra started, but Alice grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the door.

"Come on!" Alice said.

Calandra pulled her arm back and hung her head. She couldn't let Alice go to Dumbledore. He would investigate, and other people would want to know why.

"It was me. It was my magic."

Alice looked at her with worried eyes.

"What do you mean."

"It's me." Calandra said. "It's just me."

"But how?" Alice asked.

"I'm….I'm…part Siren." Calandra whispered. "Sometimes when I sing my magic does that."

Alice looked extremely confused.

"But it's not…I don't hurt anyone." She hurried on. "I never sing in front of anyone or anything. Professor McGonagall is helping me figure it all out. When I sing, my magic just gets a little more…..more."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Alice cocked her head.

"Er…It's not a good thing." Calandra hung her head. "To be one."

"Why not?" Alice asked.

"Haven't you heard the stories?" Calandra asked.

"What stories?"

"The stories about Sirens enchanting sailors and wizards, then killing them." Calandra whispered.

"But those are just made up." Alice said. "They're just kids' stories."

Calandra shook her head.

"Not to everyone else." She said.

Alice just stared at her.

"Please don't tell anyone." Calandra begged. "I'll move dorms and I won't bother you anymore, but please don't tell anyone."

"Why would you leave?" Alice asked. "Don't you want to be my friend? Is it because I'm not one, too?"

"You mean, you still…" Calandra swallowed. "You still want to be around me?"

"Of course." Alice said. "You're my best friend."

"But I'm….I'm….dangerous." she said.

"I think I can handle myself." Alice grinned.

Calandra's heart beat madly. She looked at Alice's round, happy face and felt her chest fill with light. Alice didn't care. Alice was her best friend and she knew her secret. And she didn't care.


	7. Chapter 7

July 6, 1973

"Mum?" Calandra's voice shook.

"Yes, love." Her mother looked up from the book she was reading.

"I have something to tell you." Calandra said nervously.

"What's that?" her mother asked.

"I….it's…you can't tell Father." Calandra whispered.

Her mother put down her book and turned to face Calandra fully. She grabbed hold of Calandra's hands and held them firmly.

"You know that you can tell me anything, Callie." Her mother said. "Without worrying about your Father."

Calandra took a deep breath and met her mother's concerned gaze. Eyes the color of her own were steady and comforting.

"Alice knows." Calandra whispered.

Her mother's face paled, but other than that showed no emotion. Calandra watched it carefully, afraid of what she would see.

"I had to tell her." Calandra tried to explain. "She thought it was something else and was going to go to Professor Dumbledore."

Her mother didn't speak.

"She promised she wouldn't say anything." Calandra's voice came out small and frightened.

Calandra's mother squeezed her hands and moved to the window. She hugged her arms around her middle and chewed on her bottom lip. Calandra stood beside her mother's empty chair, unable to move. Her mother turned toward her and shook her head. Her voice was thick when she spoke to Calandra.

"You don't have to worry, Callie." She said. "Everything is ok."

"But, Mum." Calandra said.

Her mother shook her head. She smiled an exhausted but exhilarated smile at Calandra.

"Alice wrote me." She said. "She didn't say that she knew, she didn't betray your confidence. Do you know what that lovely girl said to me in her letter?"

Calandra shook her head.

"She said that you were the best friend that she's ever had. That you took up for her when some of the boys picked on her and you helped her with her homework and just so many more wonderful things. She said she was worried about you. Said you seem scared a lot and wanted to know if she could help."

Her mother shook her head.

"That twelve-year-old little girl kept your secret and wrote me trying to help you."

Tears sprang to her mother's eyes.

"You don't have to worry about anything Callie." She said. "It's ok that Alice knows."

Calandra's lungs breathed in relief. Her mother wasn't upset. Her mother pulled her into a warm embrace and kissed the top of her head.

"We're getting there, Callie." She said. "We're not there yet, but we're getting there."

* * *

September 7, 1973

"Why do you have to keep it a secret again?" Alice whispered to Calandra.

They were sitting in the library together, flipping through books, looking for mentions of Sirens. Alice wanted to know everything she could about them, and Calandra went along with her for she was curious as well.

"Because everyone thinks that Sirens are very dangerous. My father said they beheaded a girl in Estonia when they found out her mother was a Siren."

Alice huffed and turned back to her book. Calandra flipped the page in her own book. Honestly, Calandra was fascinated by all the research they'd been doing. She knew very little about what she was. Her mother didn't have many answers to Calandra's questions, and she tried not to speak to her father if she could help it.

Alice pushed a book under her nose. Calandra looked down at the page. A beautiful woman with no arms, but wings like a bird was illustrated on the page. There was a description under the drawing.

_The Siren (Latin sirena, Greek seirēn):_

_A magical creature native to coastal countries. Part human- part aves, with an extra set of vocal cords capable of magical song. Very dangerous creatures who have been known to sing to lure unsuspecting people to their deaths._

"Three books and this is the only mention." Alice said.

Calandra nodded sadly at the book. Alice shoved them to the side and pulled more from the shelves. Her mouth was set in a firm line when she stacked them up on the table. Calandra watched her friend with unabashed admiration and affection. She loved Alice.

* * *

September 25, 1973

She sat between Lily and Alice at dinner trying to mediate their heated discussion on whether a Hippogriff would win a fight against a Sea Serpent. Alice was very much in favor of the Hippogriff.

"But Alice, the Sea Serpent is so much bigger." Lily protested.

"They're peaceful, though." Alice waved her spoon around. "And the Hippogriff can fly. It isn't bound to the water."

"Two bites and the Hippogriff is done." Lily shook her head.

"They're so smart though. They'd never fly close enough to get bitten." Alice said.

"She's right." Calandra pointed out. "The Sea Serpent can grow too big for the lake out there, but a Hippogriff can just fly away."

"But if, IF, a Hippogriff were to get close enough the Sea Serpent could just chomp chomp, and it would be gone." Lily said.

"IF." Alice said. "Which is not very likely."

"But it could still happen." Lily said.

"Well, yeah." Calandra admitted. "But you've got to admit, it's not really in their nature is it; for either of them. The Sea Serpent is pretty peaceful so it wouldn't bite the Hippogriff unless it was really hungry."

"And the Hippogriff would be too smart to fly too close in the first place." Alice said.

"I know that." Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm saying, if the circumstances lined up, the Hippogriff wouldn't stand a chance."

"Well anything could happen if circumstances line up right." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, what circumstances have to line up for you to get better marks than me in Potions?" Lily nudged Calandra with her elbow.

Calandra smiled.

"Easy. A confunding charm to Professor Slughorn." Alice said.

The girls laughed as they continued their dinner. Calandra sipped her pumpkin juice and wondered if they'd have time to play exploding snap tonight after they finished their homework.

* * *

October 15, 1973

Calandra sat on the edge of the lake with the rest of her class. Professor Kettleburn had stationed them in small groups by the water for the lesson today. They were going to be studying Salamanders.

Professor Kettleburn walked around to each group and allowed them to light small fires of twigs and leaves. He gave each group a few everlasting logs and told them to be careful with their fires.

Alice peered into the bucket of coals they had sitting before them. A bright red Salamander lay curled on the hot coals, sleeping peacefully. Calandra added their logs to the fire in front of them and waited for Professor Kettleburn to give them instructions.

"Alright!" Professor Kettleburn addressed the class. "Put on your dragon hide gloves and someone, very gently, transfer your Salamander to your fire."

Calandra drew on her glove and reached into the bucket. She carefully scooped up the little creature and placed it on the log in front of her. The little thing opened its eyes and turned in a few lazy circles.

"Now," Professor Kettleburn announced. "These little creatures can only live as long as the fire that they were born in lives. Can anyone tell me how long a Salamander can survive out of its fire?"

Mary raised her hand. Professor Kettleburn nodded to her.

"Six hours." She said.

"Very good." Professor Kettleburn nodded. "Those of you in Runes will see Salamanders in your alphabets. Specifically, for the number six, for that exact reason."

Calandra watched the Salamander in her fire walk the length of the log. Professor Kettleburn continued the lesson.

"Each of your fires have been lit with the same flame that these little fellas were born in." he said jovially. "So, we need not worry about their longevity."

"Meadows." He called. "Smith. Come up here and hand these out to the class if you would."

Dorcas and Hobert took the packages from the professor and handed out one packet to each group. Alice opened the pack and showed Calandra what was inside. Tiny little white seeds.

"These are pepper seeds." Professor Kettleburn said. "Had a chap down in Brazil send them to me. They pack a lot of heat so be careful. Feed a couple to your Salamander and it'll perk them up. You can see how they run and jump."

Alice shook out a couple seeds beside the fire in front of them. The Salamander raised its head and stuck it's tongue out. It turned toward Alice and crawled down the log. It stuck it's tongue out once more and hopped off the log. It scooped up two of the pepper seeds and darted back into the fire.

Sparks shot out of the end of its tail and Calandra leant up excitedly. The Salamander seemed to glow from within. It hopped up on the log and quickly ran up and down it, jumping over and under and spinning around.

"Quick little things with some pep in their step when they want to be." Professor Kettleburn said.

A loud bang sounded from a few fires down and Calandra looked over to see an orange Salamander jumping about three feet in the air. Sparks rained down around it as it jumped out of the fire over and over. Laughter rang out from around the fire.

"I said a couple seeds, boys!" Professor Kettleburn hurried over. "Not the whole packet. Catch it before it gets loose!"

Peter Pettigrew jumped up and held his hands out to try to catch the creature. Professor Kettleburn pulled on his own dragonhide gloves and stood on the other side of the fire. The Salamander hopped into the air again and landed in the next fire over. Pettigrew stepped over the students there and tried to wrangle the creature into his grasp. But it hopped out again.

Remus Lupin had pulled on his own gloves now and came to help. Pettrigrew had stumbled around to the next fire and was on his knees trying to retrieve it from the coals. Lupin stood over him ready to catch the creature if it jumped up again. The other two boys from their group rolled on the ground in laughter.

"Boys!" Professor Kettleburn warned. "Be useful or you'll find yourselves in detention cleaning doxy dung out of the cupboards. Ah! Good job Mr. Pettigrew."

Professor Kettleburn nodded toward Pettigrew who clutched the sparking Salamander in his gloved hands. His face was streaked with soot and his cheeks were red.

"Fifteen points to Gryffindor for quick work of it, lad." Professor Kettleburn clapped him on the back and held a bucket out for him to drop the Salamander into. The professor looked sharply back toward the other boys.

"And five points from whoever fed that poor thing the whole packet of seeds." He said.

James Potter and Sirius Black smirked at Lupin from where they stood around the fire. Calandra glanced at Alice and they both bit back a smile. This class was turning out to be fun.


	8. Chapter 8

November 7, 1973

Professor Tuttle waved his wand and the chalkboard filled with writing.

"I want you to copy down these notes," he said, pocketing his wand." Then we'll discuss today's lesson and practice."

Calandra read the passage in the book about today's lesson.

_A Boggart is a shape-shifting creature that will assume the form of whatever most frightens the person who encounters it._

She swallowed and started copying down notes.

"What do you think yours will be?" Alice whispered.

Calandra glanced around to see if anyone was listening to them. Almost all the other students' heads were hunkered down over their parchments, their quills scratching away.

"Err…" Calandra mumbled. "Probably my father."

"Oh," Alice said. "You could probably talk to Professor Tuttle, if you wanted. He might not make you do it."

Calandra shook her head.

"No, it's ok."

Calandra read back over her notes and underlined the spell. _Riddikulus_. That's all she had to say, and the boggart would go away. She swished her wand under the table, practicing the motion. Professor Tuttle checked his pocket watch and gathered up a few pieces of parchment on his desk. Calandra hastily scribbled the rest of the notes on the chalkboard and read over them.

Professor Tuttle rapped his cane on the floor.

"Alright class." He said. "Come along, it's only the next room over."

The students scooted their chairs back and stood up, filing out of the room clutching their wands excitedly. Calandra went slowly, walking next to Alice. They gathered in the classroom beside their Defense Against the Dark Arts room and watched as Professor Tuttle pulled a ratty old briefcase off a shelf.

"Now." He began. "This is just a bit of practice. Most of you have never come across one of these creatures before, so you won't be graded on how you handle it today."

A sigh of relief swept through the students.

"That does not mean you shouldn't take this lesson seriously." Professor Tuttle's voice sounded out. "That means you Mr. Potter."

"Everyone line up and we'll give it a go." Professor Tuttle bent down to the briefcase. "Remember, ridiculous thoughts! Ridiculous, Riddikulus! Easy peasy."

All the students hurried to form a line. A figure darted in front of Calandra as she was about to take her place in line. She huffed and Sirius Black stuck his tongue out at her over his shoulder. Alice rolled her eyes and they watched as Professor Tuttle unlocked the briefcase and motioned for Mary Macdonald to come forward.

Mary stepped forward, her wand outstretched, and Professor Tuttle opened the lid to the briefcase. A large snake slithered out, and Mary took a step back. She swallowed and brandished her wand.

"Riddikulus!"

The snake turned into a balloon animal and the class laughed. Professor Tuttle patted Mary on the back and turned to the next student in line.

"Marvelous, who's next! Step forward!"

Lily Evans stepped forward and the balloon turned into a large, hairy spider. She pointed her wand at it and said the spell loudly.

"Riddikulus!"

The spider turned into a ball of yarn that kept unravelling. Mr. Tuttle thumped his cane and called the next student up. One by one Calandra's classmates took their turns standing in front of the boggart.

Paul's skeleton started playing drums with two of its own bones. Jacob's gargantuan rat with red eyes turned into a hamster in a tutu. Dorcas's coffin burst open and multicolored jellybeans cascaded out of it.

On and on the boggart bounced from person to person. Calandra counted the people in front of her and found there were only two left. She looked back at Alice with wide eyes. Professor Tuttle rapped his cane on the ground and called out to them.

"Alright, you last lot there." He stood up and motioned them forward. "Step up. We'll demonstrate how to get rid of the little creature."

Calandra stepped forward with the rest of the students.

"Stand together now. We need to confuse the boggart." Professor Tuttle said.

The boggart spun around and stopped in front of Alice. It transformed into a Cerberus. The large creature's three heads were ferocious. It's mouth's snapped and Alice jabbed her wand forward.

"Riddikulus!"

The boggart turned into a tiny puppy with a top hat perched on its head. It leapt past Calandra to the person on her right. Calandra looked over to find a white-faced Remus Lupin rooted to the floor. His eyes were wide and absolutely terrified, the scars on his face stood out starkly against his pale skin. Calandra took a step forward at the same time as the person on his other side.

The puppy spun around and turned into a tall man. His back was to the class, but Calandra knew who it was. As the boggart started to turn around, it spun in another whirlwind and the man turned into a ghastly looking woman. She turned to face them and opened her mouth. Her head disappeared and was instantly replaced with Calandra's father's head.

"Good, good!" Professor Tuttle called. "You're confusing it!"

The boggart spun around and passed Alice. It turned back into a Cerberus, but this time it was a tiny one. The three headed dog chased its tail and bounded back over to where Calandra stood. The boggart flashed back and forth between her father, the dog, and the woman. The dog in a dress. Her father with a lady's hat. The mean looking woman with dog ears.

Calandra raised her wand and cast the spell.

"Riddikulus!" she cried.

The boggart exploded in a huge puff of dust and the force of it caused the students to stumble. Calandra looked to Professor Tuttle with a horrified expression. That wasn't supposed to happen. Professor Tuttle dusted off his robes and coughed.

"Well. That took care of the little rascal. Good work Ms. White, Mr. Black." He said.

Calandra looked to her right and was surprised to see Sirius Black standing there, clutching his wand tightly and clenching his jaw.

"Although you both needn't have cast the spell." Mr. Tuttle went on. "When the boggart is so thoroughly confused, one person's magic is enough to dispose of it."

Calandra nodded and stared at the spot where the boggart dissolved. Professor Tuttle started speaking to the class, assigning study material and homework for the day. What would her father say if he knew what her Boggart was?

Alice and Calandra went down to the groundkeeper's shack after class. Calandra preferred being outdoors to cooped up in the castle, so she and Alice would work on homework outside whenever they could.

They set their bags down beside the little house and waved to Hagrid through the window. He threw up a large hand in welcome and waved to them. Calandra sat with her back against the wood and stone and pulled her bag close to her.

She rifled through it for a moment, trying to find her Potions book. It wasn't in her bag. She turned to Alice and nodded towards Alice's schoolbag.

"Did you pick up my Potion's book by accident?" she asked.

Alice peered inside her bag and shook her head.

"it isn't in here." She said. "Did it fall out?"

Calandra shrugged and rose to her feet.

"I'm going to go check the path, I'll be back in just a moment."

She walked back up the hill scanning the ground beside the path for her book. She hadn't felt anything fall from her schoolbag. She was certain she'd brought it with her to classes today. Calandra hoped that she would find it. Her father wouldn't be happy at all if she lost one of her schoolbooks.

She spied a book a little way ahead of her. Breathing out a sigh of relief, she stooped to pick it up. Calandra brushed the dirt off of the cover and flipped it open. Her name was written on the inside of the front cover; she had dropped it.

She turned back down the hill and started walking down the path when James Potter stepped up and walked alongside her. He stared at the ground.

"Thanks, White." He said. "For today in class."

With that he peeled off and walked towards the greenhouses. Calandra stared after him. Alice came walking up the path toward her.

"Did you find it?" Alice called.

"What?" Calandra said. "Yeah. I found it."

She held up the book in her hand. Alice nodded and waited for Calandra to reach her. They walked back to the edge of the garden plot and sat down together. Calandra watched Potter walk toward the Quidditch pitch.

She hadn't even spoken to him, today in class. Honestly, she tried not to speak to him at all. He was loud and annoying most of the time. Why had he thanked her? She puzzled over his words until it finally clicked. He wasn't thanking her for himself.

* * *

November 27, 1973

The stands were filled with people, the air was crisp and crackling with excitement, and the students were cheering and laughing. Calandra sat with Dorcas and Alice in the Gryffindor stands waving flags and banners as Gryffindor and Hufflepuff faced off in the air.

"We've got Jones with the Quaffle." Gideon Prewett spoke into the microphone.

"And here comes Baker alongside of him hoping for an in." Fabian Prewett leant up and said.

"Jones goes for the goal, but ah!" Gideon groaned. "Davidson gets him on the wrist with a Bludger."

"Andrews swoops in and recovers the Quaffle!" Fabian said excitedly. "He tosses it to Potter and Potter dives for the left hoop."

"Potter's blocked by Hufflepuff keeper and tosses it back to Andrews!" Gideon rattled off. "Andrews goes for the shot! Andrews takes the shot!"

"Bloody hell, Andrews! What the fuc-"

"PREWETT!" Professor McGonagall warned.

"Sorry Professor." Gideon apologized, as his brother yelled over him.

"Andrews throws the ball BACKWARDS to Potter! Potter takes the shot and it's in!"

"Gryffindor scores!" Fabian crowed and the crowd applauded madly.

"They've called a time out to have Pomphrey look at Jones's hand." Gideon peered down at the ground. "Both seekers stay in the air. No sign of the Snitch yet, but its early still. "

Half the players of each team flew down to the ground and the Gryffindors crowded around Jones. The Hufflepuffs leant together around their captain and gestured wildly.

"Hufflepuff will need an early catch if they're going to beat Gryffindor." Fabian said and a chorus of boos rang up from the Hufflepuff stands.

"No offense, lads." Fabian soothed. "Scorecards don't lie. Gryffindor chasers are working wonders this year. Andrews has already been scouted by the Falcons _and_ the Magpies. He's been running tight plays all season. Gryffindor keeper hasn't let anything slide the entire game."

"Hufflepuff chasers are better this year than we've ever seen, but if they don't figure out Kelly's weak spot, that talent won't do much good."

"Just calling it as we see it." Gideon echoed.

"And Jones is back in the air!" Fabian said excitedly. "Both teams are back at it. Score stands at Gryffindor leading 150-10. Kristenson better keep his eyes peeled for the Snitch if he wants the victory."

"Velton takes possession of the Quaffle. Let's see if he can get it past Kelly." Gideon said.

The Hufflepuff chasers passed the ball back and forth between them. Mitchell Kelly, the Gryffindor keeper hovered in the air just under the middle goal post. He watched the other players intently.

Calandra watched as the Gryffindor chasers weaved in and about the Hufflepuffs. Jones tailed the Hufflepuff captain closely. Suddenly Gideon and Fabian's voices rang out through the stands.

"Kristenson has eyes on the Snitch!"

"Jacobs trails not far behind him. He dives for it and tries to cut Kristenson off but falls short."

Everyone leant over the stands to watch what would happen. Hans Kristenson leant over his broom and sped along, close to the ground. He stretched his arm out in front of him. Calandra looked up at the other players just in time to see James Potter lob the Quaffle halfway across the Quidditch pitch to Ollie Anderson who chucked it into the right goal post half a second before the whistle blew. The twins spoke at the same time.

"Andrews scores at the whistle!" Gideon yelled

"Kristenson gets it!" Fabian called. "Kristenson gets the Snitch!"

Everyone looked toward the scoreboard and the numbers glowed back at them.

160-160

"It's a tie!" the twins yelled in unison.

Madam Hooch mounted her broom and flew up into the air. She motioned to the captains of each team and spoke with them. Calandra looked on with interest. She'd never seen a quidditch match end in a tie before. Fabian leant forward and spoke into the microphone.

"It seems as though we're going into overtime, folks!" he said jovially. "First team to score a goal will be the winners!"

Calandra and Alice sat close together as they leant forward and watched the teams circle in the air. Madam Hooch tossed the Quaffle up and the air was a flurry of red and yellow uniforms.

"Kirk has the Quaffle, he passes it to Velton, Velton drives for the goal."

"Jones intercepts and Gryffindor takes possession of the Quaffle."

"He tosses it to Potter. Potter takes a Bludger from Davidson. A right strong hit Davidson has. Potter sends the Quaffle back to Jones."

Calandra eyes darted back and forth trying to keep up with the game. Alice clutched her hands to her face. Dorcas bounced up and down on her seat.

"Velton stays on Andrews, trying to keep them from passing to him. Jones is forced to send it back to Potter. Blimey! Good one Potter. He catches it by the tips of his fingers."

"He's bleeding quite a bit." Fabian cut his brother off. "Only has one good arm now. Using his off arm to throw. Not looking good for Gryffindor."

"Kirk tails Potter, looking to intercept." Gideon said. "Andrews finally shakes Velton. Potter passes to Andrews."

"Andrews takes it!" Fabian shouted. "He goes for the goal. Will Gryffindor win the match?"

The crowd erupted in cheers as the Quaffle passed through the goal. Alice jumped up and down. Dorcas put her fingers between her teeth and whistled. Calandra cheered along with the rest of them.

They'd won! Alice hugged her and Dorcas joined in. Soon half the Gryffindor stands were piled on top of one another jumping about. Calandra laughed at the tangle of arms around her and looked up to find herself staring directly into a piercing set of grey eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

January 4, 1974

Professor Ratsel waved his wand across the slab of stone that hang suspended in mid-air. Calandra looked closely at the markings on the stone and flipped a page in her book. Today was the first day they were actually translating things in Ancient Runes.

"Alright!" Professor Ratsel addressed the class. "It's time for you to put all your studying to work."

He gestured toward the slab of stone and continued.

"These runes were carved into this crystalline stone around the sixteenth century. The stone came from the Norrland of Sweden. Those are your parameters for figuring out what these runes say. Use them wisely."

He ran his eye down a parchment on his desk and looked back toward the class.

"You'll be partnered up for this, and no you may not choose your own partners." He said sternly.

The whole class groaned and Professor Ratsel waved them away.

"You'll sit with your assigned partner to work through translations. No more bellyaching. Let's get to it. Michaels, you'll be with Yardley. Fawper with MacDonald, Aster with Black, Baxter with Zinns, Lupin with White, Jasper with Bloom, Ritley with Spinner, and Cole with Mulligan."

He rolled the parchment back up and placed it on his desk.

"Go on and switch seats." He motioned for them to sit with their partners. "And let's see you put your knowledge to use. First pair to translate the whole slab gets a prize."

Students shuffled among each other, gathering their belongings and moving to different desks. Before Calandra could even grab her school bag, Remus Lupin was already walking towards her with a pile of books in his arms and a quill behind his ear.

He slid into the seat next to her and gave a tight smile. She returned his greeting in the same way and gestured toward the slab of stone floating in the middle of the classroom.

"I think we should use the Dalecarlian translations." She said. "Since it came from Sweden. He wouldn't have told us that bit if it wasn't important."

Lupin nodded and chewed his lip.

"I'll do the first half if you want to do the second half." He said quietly.

Calandra looked up in surprise.

"Ok." She said. "That's fine. Do you have your alphabet with you?"

He nodded and pulled a blank piece of parchment toward him and set to work, immediately. He wasn't very talkative, was he? Well, that was fine by her. She opened her book and pulled her own parchment towards her. They didn't speak at all for the rest of the class.

* * *

February 6, 1974

Calandra read the letter she held in her shaking hands. Then she read it again, and again, and again trying to make sense of it. She shook her head and sat back on the bench.

No.

Her father must be mistaken. Calandra gripped the parchment in her hands and forced herself to read each word very carefully.

_Calandra,_

_It is with great sadness I write this letter to you. There was a horrible accident and your mother did not make it. I was informed of her passing by the ministry official who found her._

_As she would not want any fanfare surrounding her death, there will be no public funeral. She will be interred in the family cemetery where we can pay our respects. I will take you there when you return home during the Easter holiday._

_Sincerely,_

_Johnathon White_

Calandra's eyes swam with tears. Her mother couldn't be dead. She'd seen her in Hogsmeade not even a week ago. Her father was just being cruel. He was upset with her over something she did. Her mother was still alive. She had to be. Calandra pushed back from the table and abruptly stood. She'd go prove it. She walked quickly from the Great Hall and ran down the corridor toward the doors that led out of the castle.

She shoved open the heavy wood and ran down the path. She heard voices behind her but didn't slow down or stop. She had just made it to the gate when Professor McGonagall suddenly appeared beside her.

"Ms. White!" she demanded. "What is the meaning of this?"

Calandra moved to walk around her, her lip trembling.

"Ms. White." McGonagall caught her by the arm. "Just where do you think you're going?"

Calandra looked up into the professor's eyes and her resolve crumbled. She flung herself at McGonagall and buried her face in the old witch's robes. McGonagall staggered back a step, then wrapped her arms around Calandra and patted her back. Calandra held up the parchment and McGonagall took it, peering down over her spectacles.

The witch's demeanor softened. She stroked a hand down Calandra's hair and conjured a handkerchief for the young girl. McGonagall let Calandra cry herself out and lay a hand on her shoulder. Calandra felt McGonagall cast her wand and say some spell, but she didn't know what it was.

"I'm very sorry, Ms. White." She said softly. "You're excused from classes today. Would you like to go back to my office? Or perhaps you'd rather go back up to the dorm with Ms. Fawcett."

Calandra wiped her nose and nodded.

"I'll go with Alice." She mumbled.

Professor McGonagall nodded and, wrapping an arm around Calandra's shoulders, led her back up the path. Alice was waiting by the groundskeeper's shack. Calandra sniffed and wiped her eyes.

Professor McGonagall led the two girls up to Gryffindor tower and into their dormitory. She sat Calandra on her bed and knelt down in front of her. McGonagall's face was softer than Calandra had ever seen it.

"I'm terribly sorry to hear this news, Ms. White. I'll speak with the headmaster tonight to arrange for you to go home."

Calandra's head jerked up.

"You're sending me home?" she asked.

McGonagall looked flummoxed.

"I'm sure your father will want to make sure you're doing well." She said. "You can go home and grieve, then come back to school when you're up to it."

Calandra shook her head. She didn't want to go back to that house without her mother in it. She didn't want to have to see her father with his cold indifference.

"I'll go back during Easter." She said.

McGonagall studied the girl and laid a hand on her knee.

"If that's what you'd prefer, then of course you can stay here. We will have to contact your father, though. To make sure he doesn't want you to come home so that he can check on you."

Calandra shrugged. Her father wanted her home about as much as she wanted to be there. Alice came and sat next to her on the bed. McGonagall stood up and lay Calandra's school bag by her bed.

"I'll have supper sent up here for you girls. If you need anything at all, call for a house elf or come find me. I'd like to offer my condolences once more, Ms. White. And let you know we care for you a great deal."

She left the room and closed the door softly behind her. Alice gently pushed Calandra back until she was laying on her bed and crawled in beside her. She wrapped her arms around Calandra and held her tightly. Calandra clung to her and cried. Sobs wracked her body.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." She choked out. "I didn't even get to say goodbye."

* * *

February 7, 1974

Calandra went back to class the next day. She didn't want any attention drawn to herself. She especially didn't want people asking questions about why she was missing, so she drank a calming drought McGonagall got Madam Pomphrey to send up, donned her robes, and went to class.

Alice sat beside her in almost every class, peering at Calandra every few moments to make sure she was holding up alright, offering Calandra her notes when she was called on in class to answer a question, and just generally being the best friend anyone could've ever been.

Calandra got through most of the day in a haze from the calming drought. She couldn't bring herself to summon up any emotion until it was almost dinner time. She was bone tired as she sat in the great hall. The calming drought was wearing off, but her exhaustion took over.

She picked at her food as she tried to fight the sadness and desperation that were creeping back into her bones. Alice carried conversations with their friends, sending warning glances to people who steered the conversation to close to Calandra's demeanor.

Calandra swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared down at her dinner plate. She felt like crying. She felt like crying and screaming and breaking things. But she didn't. Calandra didn't do any of those things. Like so many times before when she felt overwhelmed or upset, she buried the reaction deep down and ignored it. It wouldn't do for her to get upset and fling her feelings into the world. She had to keep quiet. So, she did.

* * *

February 20, 1974

She braided Alice's hair on the floor of their dormitory. Mary and Lily came in arm in arm talking about their Potions Class. Lily loved that class; she was quite good at it. She always helped Calandra and Alice with homework if they needed it and Slughorn had nothing but compliments about the things she brewed.

"We get to make something that makes you stronger." She was saying excitedly. "Well, not really stronger. But gives you stamina. You could run for ages with the potion. Imagine being in the Olympics and everyone had that potion."

Calandra smiled as she twisted a tie around Alice's hair.

"Ooh." Lily looked over at them. "Will you do mine next?"

Calandra nodded and patted Alice's shoulder.

"You're all set." She said.

Alice walked over and surveyed her hair in the mirror. Lily sat in front of Calandra and ran a brush through her hair. Calandra wrapped a hair tie around her wrist and ran her fingers through Lily's dark red hair.

"Are you all going to go to Hogsmeade next week?" Lily asked. "It's the first trip since Christmas break."

"Yeah." Calandra said, twisting Lily's hair over and under. "I want to go to Honeydukes and get more bubble gum. Alice keeps nicking all mine."

"You told me if I could guess which hand you had it in, you'd give it to me." Alice stuck her tongue out at Calandra. "That's different than stealing."

"Yeah, yeah." Calandra laughed. "I still need to restock."

"My mum loved the sugar quills I brought home over the holiday. She and my dad tried them and the pepper imps." Lily said.

"My dad tried those, too." Mary piped up. "He liked them, but didn't care for the jelly beans."

"Bleh." Calandra said. 'I don't really care for them all that much either. They're only fun if you're playing a game with them. Imagine just eating them on your own and getting grass instead of green apple."

The girls laughed and Calandra tied off Lily's hair. She laid back on her bed and sighed a contented sigh. She still missed her mother, but some moments of the days were getting bearable. Laughing with Alice almost felt happy again.

* * *

March 15, 1974

Calandra wandered outside after lunch. Her friends were all working on homework, but she'd finished hers already. The castle walls were starting to close in on her, and flinging open the windows didn't help much, so she'd ventured outdoors.

She walked down the path towards the lake. Calandra had avoided the lake as much as possible up until now. She'd sit by its edge when there was class out here, but never waded in with the other students. Never splashed her feet in the shallows.

She sat on a patch of grass beside a shock of tall reeds and watched the water. Her mother didn't like the water. She said that it was unpredictable and held too many unanswered questions. At school, at muggle school, Calandra learned that the ocean was too deep for anyone to ever explore the bottom. So, in a way, her mother had been right.

But the different species of fish and seaweed weren't the questions her mother worried about. Her mother was worried that the water would reveal the truth. That it would awaken something in her and turn her into a monster. So, Calandra avoided the water.

But her mother was gone. Calandra felt tears sliding down the end of her nose. Her mother was gone, and the water was just water and it wasn't scary at all. It was just muddy water. How could it be scary now? The thing she didn't even know she feared most had already happened.

Calandra peered down at the water and watched as one of her tears made small ripples on the surface. She tore her socks and shoes off and plunged her feet into the cold water of the lake.

She half expected something to happen. Half expected her mother to be right. She looked over her shoulder; she hadn't magically sprouted wings. She stood there, in the shallows of the lake and wished with everything in her that the water could still frighten her.

One of her pant legs had rolled down and water was slowly seeping up the denim material. Calandra's toes were going numb, but still she stood there in the murky water. The giant squid raised a long tentacle out of the lake and curled it around, furling and unfurling it. The wind blew and rustled the reeds beside her.

Calandra sighed and pulled herself from the water. She washed off as much mud as she could, and trudged back up to the castle, shoes and socks in hand. She swung open the doors and walked down the corridor.

"What's this?" Filch's voice rang out through the hallway. "Mud and mess everywhere!"

Calandra looked behind her. There were a couple muddy footprints on the floor, but it wasn't too horrible. She was opening her mouth to offer to clean it up when Filch shook his head disgustedly and pulled a quill from his parchment.

"Detention, it'll be." He said savagely. "You lot will learn, I tell you."

He tore off a piece of parchment and thrust it toward Calandra. She pursed her lips and left the corridor, making sure to track as much mud as she could through the halls. She ducked into the empty Transfiguration classroom and closed the door behind her.

Out of habit, Calandra walked over to her desk and sat down. She read the detention slip that Filch had given her and sighed. She'd have to spend tomorrow night cleaning out the cupboards on the fourth floor.

She laid her head down on the table, trying not to think about what her father would say if he found out she got detention. He'd be furious and her mother wasn't there to buffer. Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. She'd be alone with him now, and he hated her so much.

"Ms. White?"

Professor McGonagall strode up to Calandra and peered down at her. Calandra jumped and wiped her nose.

"Why are you in my classroom?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I…I was…outside and came back in." Calandra started.

"Yes, I can see that by the state of your dress. Did you go in the lake?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Calandra nodded.

"Why?"

"I just….I don't know." Calandra said sadly.

Professor McGonagall set her lips in a thin line; a half smile half grimace. She laid a hand on Calandra's arm and spoke gently.

"I must say, you've held up very well bearing the brunt of the news you received. It is ok to not know all the answers Ms. White." She said. "Not in my Transfiguration class, mind you, but in life."

Calandra nodded and folded the paper in her hands. Professor McGonagall's eyes zeroed in on it.

"What's this?" she asked.

Calandra held it up to her.

"Filch gave me detention. I tracked mud in the castle." She said.

Professor McGonagall gave a long sigh and shook her head. She ripped up the detention note and vanished the pieces. Then, with a tilt of her head she looked around the room.

"I don't see a detention slip at all, Ms. White. Perhaps Filch only threatened you with detention."

Calandra smiled to herself and nodded.

"Off to the dormitory with you, Ms. White. And I'd steer clear of the west corridor if I were you. Young Black and Potter were receiving quite the talking to from the caretaker just moments ago."


	10. Chapter 10

April 6, 1974

Calandra looked around the Ancient Runes class for Lupin. Class was getting ready to start and there was still no sign of him. They had to present today. Twelve lines of translated runes and their origins, and she really only knew about eight of them since they'd split the work again.

Professor Ratsel walked up to his desk and faced the class. He had a pile of parchment in his arms and held lots of small chunks of stone in his hands. He looked out at his students from over the tops of the parchment sticking up in his face.

"Presentation day, class!" he announced. "I have your assignments here, and the stones you deciphered. If we work quickly, we can get through all of you today."

He dumped the parchment on his desk and pulled his wand from his pocket. A swish and twirl later the chunks of stone grew to ten times their normal size and floated in the air. Calandra looked over her notes and tried to memorize all the details of the first four lines of Runes from her sparse notes. If she'd have to give the presentation by herself, she needed to know them to get a good grade.

"Alright." Professor Ratsel called. "Who's up first? Any volunteers?"

No one raised their hand. Professor Ratsel pursed his lips and glanced down at his attendance roster.

"We'll go." A voice called from across the aisle.

Sirius Black stood up and motioned for Johnathon Aster to follow. Johnathon looked surprised but rose from his seat, gathering his materials. Black pulled a sheaf of parchment from his desk and followed Aster up the aisle. He slid a folded-up parchment on Calandra's desk as he passed by.

The two boys took their place at the front of the room and Professor Ratsel positioned the stone they'd worked on front and center so everyone could see it. They started talking about translations and origins of the runes, but Calandra tuned them out.

She unfolded the parchment and scanned the words there. Neat lines of Lupin's handwriting filled the page. Descriptions of the runes they'd translated; origins, comparisons, and more. Someone had underlined the main points of the translations and added a summary at the bottom.

She read the lines and re-read them, trying to burn them into her memory. Professor Ratsel called up other groups and the presentations continued. Calandra glanced toward the front of the room every so often, murmuring the translations of her own rune stone over and over to herself.

"Lupin and White." Professor Ratsel called. "Or rather, Ms. White. Mr. Lupin is absent today."

"I'm afraid we can't wait until Monday, Ms. White." Professor Ratsel frowned. "Your homework for the weekend moves on from these runes. Otherwise we could wait until your partner is present."

Calandra gathered her things and walked to the front of the room. Professor Ratsel waved his wand and sent the rune stone she'd worked on to the front of his desk. Calandra glanced at the professor and started speaking at his nod.

"The markings on our stone are Elder Futhark Runes, some of the earliest runes we've studied. The first eight lines on the stone make up a sort of poem. It was very difficult to translate these lines, because Futhark Runes can either represent sounds, words, or complete ideas depending on the context."

Professor Ratsel nodded and Calandra went on.

"We've worked out that the poem was probably written by a witch from a rural village in the North. Here's what we've worked it out as saying:

_The men drove me out,_

_Into the mountains and the snow._

_Though all I've done is give,_

_They fear what they can't control._

_I was sent out here to die,_

_They expect me to expire._

_Foolish they are, these men,_

_I won't freeze when I have fire."_

Calandra stared down at her paper; at the notes Lupin had written.

"We think it was a woman who was accused of witchcraft who was sent to freeze to death as her punishment. If that was the case, it turns out she _was_ a witch. A witch who knew how to conjure fire."

"The last four lines were a bit tricky to translate." She said. "They weren't as difficult as the poem, but it took us a while to figure them out."

"The first two are guides." She said waving her wand and making the runes glow. "On how to conjure fire, but the markings in the middle aren't runes at all; they're wand movements."

"How did you come to that conclusion?" Professor Ratsel looked impressed. "Who figured it out?"

"Both of us." Calandra said. "We kept going over the different alphabets trying to figure out what it meant. Nothing made sense. We found a couple runes that looked a bit like the Greek alphabet, but the rest of the runes in that line were Germanic. Lupin mentioned that the markings looked too fluid to be runes. They're almost curved."

Professor Ratsel nodded.

"So, we started wondering if they were something other than runes. We started writing down everything they looked like."

"What made the list?" Professor Ratsel asked interestedly.

"The wishbone to a roast turkey was the first thing we wrote." Calandra said.

The class laughed and Professor Ratsel smiled.

"It does look rather like one, doesn't it?" he said. "Go on."

"We thought it might be a compass; the kind you use to draw circles. Or maybe pincers, but it never made sense. It wasn't until I thought back to Professor Flitwick telling us our wand movements needed to be more fluid that it clicked. I mentioned it and we went over each spell in the book until we figured it out."

"Very good." Professor Ratsel nodded.

"So, the whole stone reads from top to bottom as a poem about the witch who carved the runes, the steps it takes to conjure fire, and a warning for if you do conjure it."

Professor Ratsel marked something on his parchment and nodded.

"Good work." He said and turned to the class. "This weekend you'll need to read chapter eight. I expect a summary of the differences and similarities between magical runes and Nordic runes on Monday. Ms. White please stay after class for a moment, I'd like a word."

Calandra swallowed and glanced at the rest of the class. She walked to her seat and remained seated while the rest of the students filed out of the classroom. Professor Ratsel surveyed her from where he stood in front of his desk.

"Ms. White." He said. "It seems that you've borne the brunt of the assignment you presented today."

Calandra's brows furrowed.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean you did most of the work, correct?"

"No." Calandra shook her head. "Just the presentation, but that's just because Lupin was absent. We split the work. He even volunteered to take the more difficult lines."

"Mmmm." Professor Ratsel intoned. "Very well."

Calandra held her schoolbooks to her chest.

"Is that all?" she asked.

He nodded and she grabbed her things and hurried out of the room. Someone was turning the corner as she emerged from the door. She breathed a sigh of relief that no one was in the corridor and walked toward the dorm.

* * *

April 17, 1974

Calandra and Alice sat on the Quidditch bleachers watching Dorcas spin and twirl in the air. Her father had bought her a new broom and she was so excited to fly on it, she'd talked the other girls into going down to the quidditch pitch with her.

Calandra watched as Dorcas dipped down toward the ground and pulled up on the handle of the broom. She shot up into the air and spun in a circle. Alice pulled a book out of her bag and flipped through it, but Calandra watched Dorcas.

Flying was so much fun; being up in the air with nothing closing in on you. It was so freeing. Calandra had wanted her own broomstick since the very first time she went flying but her mother thought they were dangerous, and her father…well her father thought anything that gave Calandra joy wasn't worth the money or effort. So, she was stuck on the ground.

Dorcas flew over and hovered beside the stands.

"Want to give it a go?" she asked.

Calandra perked up but didn't make any move to rise.

"You sure?" she asked, a bit apprehensive. "It's new, and probably cost a lot."

Dorcas rolled her eyes and swung her leg onto the bleachers. She hopped off the broom and held it out to Calandra.

"They're made for flying." Dorcas said. "You like flying. Go on, try it out. It's smooth."

Calandra took the broom and stood on the very top bleacher bench. She gave a little jump and pulled up on the broom handle. The broom shot forward and Calandra leant back as she floated through the air. Dorcas was right, it was pretty smooth. She leant forward and zipped past the bleachers.

This feeling was one of the best in the world. Cold wind on her cheeks, the wide-open air, her hair flying out behind her. Calandra felt free up here. She never wanted to come down.

Dorcas clapped her hands and cheered for Calandra. Calandra laughed and spun in and around the goal posts. She spun the broom around and weaved back through the right hoop when a tug almost jerked her off the broom. She coughed and held onto the broom with her knees.

"Your scarf!" Dorcas called.

Calandra pulled at the material with her hands and tore it from her throat. She looked back and saw that one of its trailing ends hand wrapped itself around one of the goalposts. Calandra shook her head, disgusted with herself and unwound the scarf from the goal post. She folded it as she nudged the broom back toward the bleachers and hopped off.

"Bloody thing tried to kill me." She said tossing it in her school bag.

Dorcas laughed.

"Imagine the Prophet article." She said. " _Student Strangled by Stole_."

Calandra chuckled and held the broom back out to Dorcas. Dorcas hopped back on and flew laps around the Quidditch pitch. Calandra sat back against the bleachers next to Alice and watched.

"You're pretty good at flying, you know." Alice said. "You should try out for the Quidditch team next year."

Calandra scoffed.

"I'm not nearly good enough to do that." She said. "Besides, I only like flying. I don't care about any of the other bits."

Alice pulled a face.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to have to fiddle with Quaffles or Bludgers while handling a broom."

"The flying is fun, though." Calandra said. "Dorcas's broom is a good one. She'll probably try out next year."

"She'd love it." Alice nodded.

"We'd have to come to all the matches." Calandra said. "If she made the team."

"We already go to them all anyway." Alice said.

"No." Calandra shook her head and grinned. "We only go to Gryffindor matches. If Dorcas made the team you know she'd drag us to all the matches to get a feel for her competition."

"Oh." Realization dawned on Alice's face. "You're right."

"Still, I hope she makes it if she tries out," Calandra said.

"Yeah, me too." Alice said.

* * *

May 6, 1974

Calandra duplicated her Arthimancy notes and gathered her schoolbooks. She shoved her quills into her bag and left the classroom with the other students. She caught up to Sirius Black a little way down the corridor.

"Hey, Black!" she called.

He turned around and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Here's the notes for Arithmancy." She said holding out the parchment and shoving her books into her satchel. "Give them to Lupin for me, will you?"

He wrinkled his nose at the papers she held in front of him.

"Why?" he asked.

"He missed today. He missed a few weeks ago, too. I already do it with our notes in Runes so he doesn't fall behind. It's not hurting me to do it in this class, too."

"You're not partners in this class." Black pointed out.

"Well, no." Calandra said, feeling foolish.

"I'm in this class, too." He said. "He can just use my notes."

"Did you even pick up your quill once the entire class?" It was Calandra's turn to arch an eyebrow.

"Shove off, White." He said turning to walk away. "We don't all need to write everything down to learn it. Remus is fine, I'll give him the notes."

He walked away from her and she was left standing there in the hallway, holding an extra set of notes and feeling wrongfooted. Why did they all have to be such prats. Lupin was less obnoxious than the others, but he was still in the thick of all their shenanigans. Just last week he'd glued all the doors to the girls' loos locked with magical super glue. McGonagall had been furious. She shoved her notes down in her bag and went to find Alice wondering why she'd even tried to be civil to them in the first place.


	11. Chapter 11

October 2, 1998

The tiles in the bathroom were different than the tiles in the room where her bed stood. When all that dark grey became too much to bear, she would come in here and sit on the edge of the tub and stare down at the bathroom tiles.

There were one hundred fifty-two tiles that made up the bathroom floor. Calandra had counted them probably that many times. They were her respite. When the grey stone of the other room buried her in guilt, she came in here.

She couldn't escape that color completely, though. She never could. Back when she hated grey it would follow her in sad flower petals or sheets of rain. Then later, when grey was her favorite color, she only had to look beside her to find it. It was fitting that she was tapped here, forever, with it.

Grey swirls cut their way through the white of the tiles in the bathroom, too. Soft tendrils of smoke that floated up from the end of a cigarette. The color of one of her best friend's hair at the temples, early in its arrival from too much stress.

It was impossible to escape that color here and it was impossible to escape him, here. She didn't really want to, but some days it would've been nice to pretend. To pretend that her life wasn't intertwined with his and he was out somewhere happy in the world.

But it seemed as if this place wanted to remind her every day. Remind her of her failures. Remind her of him. Calandra closed her eyes and allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts.

She couldn't remember when she started loving him. It had been gradual; sneaking up on her before taking her over completely. But then again, it had had to be. She'd sworn she'd never give anyone that power.

She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it started, but she could remember when his life and hers had started intertwining. New friendships, practical jokes, and borrowed books. That had been the start. If only she could change the ending.

* * *

October 17, 1974

She sipped her pumpkin juice and listened to Alice and Mary's conversation about the latest Herbology class, letting their words wash over her without really hearing them. It was such a nice night. Everyone was celebrating the Quidditch victory, the common room was as festive as it could be. Candles floated everywhere, streamers draped over all the windows and most of the furniture. Someone had charmed the Zonko's Confetti Cannons to hang at the top of the ceiling and one went off every few minutes. It would be a huge mess tomorrow, but really who was worried about that right now?

She gazed out at the crowd in the common room. Most of the first, second, and third years had been chivvied up to bed, but the room was still pretty crowded. Gideon and Fabian were in the corner gesturing animatedly and waving their wands over some sort of balls in their hands. Lily and Dorcas were making stars appear out of their wands and flinging them up to the ceiling.

Johnathon Aster had charmed the gramophone in the corner to self-wind and brought out his extensive collection of muggle records. Quite a few of the students had never heard any of the songs before, being raised exclusively in the wizarding world, but everyone was enjoying the music. People were dancing and swaying along to the beat.

She took a sip of her drink and half listened to her friends as she continued to look out at the sea of people. She truly loved it here. She loved the hum of magic in the air that had nothing to do with there being so many witches and wizards in the room, but everything about the comradery of the evening.

She loved the group of students playing a drunken game of exploding snap. She loved the couples slowly coming together dancing along to the music. She loved the seventh years scribbling on parchments, probably debating something that had to do with their NEWT's. She even loved the blasted Quidditch team that had hoisted Potter on their shoulders, dancing and singing and jumping about. His head was already big enough, this would make him unbearable. She shook her head, smiling at them, then looked back. Usually wherever Potter was the rest of them would be close by.

She ran her eyes over the common room again. Johnathon put on a Styx record and more people joined in dancing. They weren't among the group on the dance floor. They weren't part of the poker game in the corner. They weren't crowded around the fire or over at the table where all the food and drinks had been piled. That was pretty odd, the lot of them were usually in the thick of things. She peered around Mary and saw a familiar shock of black hair.

There they were. Almost hidden towards the back of the room. Lupin leant against the wall and Black was sitting on the window ledge beside him, talking very intensely to his friend. Pettigrew sat on the sofa beneath the window staring at the two and shaking his head. Lupin didn't look very well. Actually, he looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes and a bandage on his neck. His shoulders were tense as he cocked his head to the side as if trying to hear something clearer. After just a moment he smiled a sad, bitter smile and shook his head, staring out the window at the sky.

She looked out the window she was closest to and saw the faint glow of the moon. She looked back over at the group and saw that Potter had joined them. He listened for a moment, then drew himself up, and gestured toward Johnathon. She heard the words of the song then.

She'd wondered for a while now. Probably over a year, honestly. She was friends with Lupin. They were partners for a lot of class work in Arthimancy and Runes. She copied notes for him when he missed. And he missed a lot. Almost every month, in fact. And he came back exhausted. And this song was making him upset.

She watched as Potter made his way over to Johnathon and stuck a galleon in his hand. He didn't have to do that. Johnathon was a good guy. All Potter had to do was ask to play his favorite song or something like that. Just ask him to play a record from a different band.

Potter probably didn't know any of them, come to think of it. He didn't have muggle relatives or anything. Johnathon looked oddly at Potter and over to the other three, then shrugged and picked out a different record.

Potter joined the others and Lupin shook his head at him. Calandra shook her head, too. They were obviously in on the secret, but they weren't exactly the image of discretion. The act he'd just pulled proved that. It was plain to see they tried to help him, though. They just didn't know what it was like to live with a secret like that. To always be on edge because it could ruin everything if people knew.

"I'm going to go get another drink and maybe a dance or two." Calandra said suddenly.

Mary and Alice looked at her. Alice smiled.

"Nice to see you've joined us here on Earth again," she said. "Go have fun, but not too much fun."

Alice winked and Calandra rolled her eyes.

She went over to the table where all the butterbeers had been deposited. She wasn't surprised to find two bottles of firewhisky there either. She started to grab a butterbeer or some more pumpkin juice but made a snap decision and grabbed two shot glasses.

She waved her wand to fill them with the amber liquid. Her mother had poured herself a drink the night she'd decided to enroll Calandra in Hogwarts. She said that she needed a little something extra for courage. Well, Calandra would need all the courage she could get, if she were going to go through with this.

She made her way over to the corner where the boys were and held out a glass to Lupin.

"Come dance with me," she said downing her own drink.

Calandra grimaced as the liquid burned down her throat. She swallowed and nodded at the glass she held. Lupin just stared at her outstretched hand.

"I'll give you the notes from Arithmancy." She smiled and offered up the drink once more, setting her glass down on the windowsill.

He glanced at the glass and then looked back at her.

"And the notes for Runes. I'll even throw in the origin of the rune we worked all last week on."

He smiled at her and sighed. She held her empty hand out and passed off the glass to her right. She led him to the dance floor. The song was upbeat enough that they could actually dance but slow enough that she could talk to him.

They spun around once and just followed the basic steps. Neither spoke. She supposed he just wanted it to be over and she was working up her nerve. This might not be the smartest thing to do, but she wanted someone to talk to. Alice was wonderful and supportive, but she just couldn't understand. Lupin would.

"The last song was a bit much wasn't it?" she finally asked.

His head shot up, but his face revealed nothing. "I'm not a big fan of Styx."

She smiled and shook her head, "I was thinking the lyrics, rather than the band."

He looked scared now. His eyes searched her face. She plunged ahead.

"I know."

He said nothing.

"We all have secrets you know." She looked straight into his eyes trying to reassure him. "Everyone has monsters. Some are harder to live with than others, but it doesn't change the type of person you are."

He looked away.

"How did you know?" he whispered.

"I know what it's like to hide part of yourself from the world. I knew what I was looking at." She said simply.

"You're not-" He began.

"A werewolf." She finished. "No, I'm not."

He looked down at her and she saw open curiosity in his eyes. But he wasn't going to ask. She knew he wouldn't. Because he wouldn't want anyone to ask him. She stood on her tiptoes to and leaned toward him.

"You've heard of Sirens?" she whispered.

His brows knit together in confusion then his eyes widened. She lowered herself back onto her heels.

"My great grandmother." she said.

He swallowed and nodded. The song was coming to an end.

"I'll bring the notes you missed to the library tomorrow." She said looking up at him. "And don't worry. I'll never tell."

She let go of his arm and stepped back. She offered him a smile and a wave and turned around and headed back to her dorm.

Two people knew. Two friends now knew, and she hoped she hadn't just made a huge mistake.

Alice caught up with her on the way up the stairs.

"You looked quite cozy." she said.

"Yeah?" she smiled.

"Yeah, so…will we be seeing more of you two together?" she giggled.

"I'd expect so. We're friends." She nodded.

"Well, you have my approval. I like him." Alice said linking her arm through hers.

"You know I don't want anything like that." She shook her head.

"I know," Alice sighed. "But sometimes it just happens."

She looked back down the stairs to the corner where they'd been. All four boys were watching her and Alice. Lupin had a small smile on his face, Pettigrew looked curious, Potter looked a bit confused, but was smiling, and Black just stared at them with a blank expression as he tilted the shot glass in his hand back and swallowed. Calandra lifted a hand in a small wave and walked up the rest of the stairs to her room.

* * *

October 18, 1974

"I told him." Calandra told Alice as they sat by the lake.

Alice looked at her sharply.

"Lupin?" she asked.

Calandra nodded. Alice sighed and stared out at the water.

"I'm glad." She finally said. "You deserve friends who know."

Calandra picked a few blades of grass on twisted them in her fingers.

"I won't let him do anything." Alice said seriously. "If he tries to say anything, I'll make sure he won't."

Calandra smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Alice." She said fondly. "He'd never be foolish enough to cross you."

* * *

October 26, 1974

Was it your mother or your father?" Calandra asked setting her quill down.

"What?" Remus Lupin looked up from his book.

"What you are," she said. "Was it your mother or your father?"

"Oh." he looked around furtively, "Umm, neither. It was someone else who, you know," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Bit me."

"Oh." she said surprised. "I'm sorry."

He smiled at her and went back to his book.

She sat lost in thought for a bit, then returned to her homework assignment.

"I won't tell anyone." He said quietly.

She looked up and he nodded in her general direction.

"I just wanted you to know." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"I know." She said. "I never thought you would."

* * *

November 10, 1974

"Is that why you don't answer questions in class?" Lupin asked.

Calandra nodded.

"I answer when the professors call on me." She pointed out. "But I don't volunteer."

"You probably could, you know." He said.

She pulled a face and he went on.

"We've been partners for months now. You talk to me almost every day, and I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary about your voice."

Calandra pondered the thought for a moment. If he didn't notice anything maybe others wouldn't either. She smiled and nodded her head at him.

"Maybe I can." She said.

* * *

November 19, 1974

Alice and Calandra sat with their knees together in their Care of Magical Creatures class. A bucket sat at their feet with a Niffler in it. Calandra reached down and picked up the little thing and sat it in her lap. She rubbed its tiny head with her finger and laughed when its body wriggled.

"You and Lupin have been spending more time together here recently." Alice said.

Calandra nodded.

"Runes is actually a bit difficult this year. We haven't translated the whole Germanic set yet, but Professor Ratsel said we'd be cross referencing both alphabets this month. Seems backwards to me, but it's the assignment. We've been translating the Germanic alphabet on our own in our spare time, just so we know what we're looking at."

Alice fed the Niffler a bit of spinach.

"Has he said anything about, you know…" Alice asked, tentatively.

"Not really." Calandra shook her head. "He's asked a few questions but hasn't really made many comments about it."

"Good." Alice said. "If he ever says anything mean you tell me; I've got a few new hexes I want to try out."

Calandra laughed and shook her head at her friend.

* * *

November 25, 1974

"All you ever do is study!" a voice whined.

Calandra walked through the shelves of the library towards the table in the back where she and Lupin worked on their Ancient Runes homework. This week had been particularly difficult.

"I told you." Lupins voice responded. "Class is hard this week."

"Yeah, sure." Someone retorted. "I'm sure you're ditching us to work on homework. Not to spend time with your new little girlfriend."

"Piss off, James." Lupin said. "We're friends, we have class together. And I have homework for that class."

"Come off it." A voice spat. "She slip you a love potion? Cast a spell on you? Why are you all of a sudden so interested in Runes?"

"I told you." Lupin said. "It's new material and it's getting more difficult. You should know as well as anyone Sirius, you're in the bloody class. Besides, you're always-"

Calandra didn't stay to hear the rest. She shoved the library books she had in the shelf and left the library, heart pounding. They thought she'd done something to him. He was acting different and they suspected her. She'd been so careful. So bloody careful. He'd told her that he didn't notice a difference in her voice. Was he lying? Is that why he'd agreed to study together?

Calandra walked, not paying attention to where she was going. She found herself on the Quidditch pitch, lost in her own thoughts. She climbed the steps and sat in the stands. The wind whipped her hair around and Calandra rubbed her hands together to warm them.

She wished more than anything she were normal. She'd been wishing that her whole life. She used to wish to be a normal little girl, who didn't make doors shut or flowers grow. Then, when her mother showed her magic, she wished more than anything to be a normal witch; a witch who didn't have to keep secrets about herself, or her mother, or her grandparents. Now, she wished that her magic was normal. That she could say spells at normal volume and not be worried something would go amiss. That she could volunteer to answer questions in class. That she could have a friend without other people wondering why she was friends with them.

Calandra sat in the wind. She watched as groups of students milled about the grounds, talking and laughing with one another. She sat there until it was almost sundown and the wind turned chilly. It wasn't until Calandra's hands were thoroughly numb and her lungs ached from the cold, did she go back in the castle.

* * *

November 30, 1974

Dorcas tossed a bishop from her chess set at Calandra and motioned her over.

"Bet you ten sickles you can't beat me." She said.

"You know I won't take that bet." Calandra laughed and tossed the bishop back.

"And why not?" Dorcas demanded.

"Please." Calandra said. "I know you've got the gold. If you want to be serious just bet the galleon. Besides, you know I'm horrible at chess."

"Why'd you think I asked you to play and not Alice?" Dorcas laughed.

"I've been trying to teach her for months." Alice chimed in. "She's hopeless."

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"I am not hopeless." She contradicted. "I'd rather do something more exciting. Besides, my father knows how to play chess. If I learned, he might make me play."

"Fair enough." Alice relented. "I refused to learn cross stitch with my Gran for the same reason."

Calandra walked toward the door and turned back toward Dorcas.

"We're going up to the astronomy tower to release some Estrevoars. Want to come?" she asked.

"Nah." Dorcas grimaced. "I've not even started my Transfiguration. Thanks though."

Alice and Calandra said goodbye and walked down the stairs, through the common room. They climbed out of the portrait hole and walked up the staircase to the astronomy tower.

"Do you think the Bloody Baron is up there?" Alice asked.

"Probably not." Calandra replied. "He usually doesn't show up there until after all the students go to bed. It's not even curfew."

They wound their way up the staircase and walked around the telescopes to the ledge. Alice sat her bag down and unzipped it. The two girls reached in and drew out a handful of the small, black eggs. Each egg was perfectly round and about as big as a gobstone.

Alice had found them while she was visiting her grandmother. She'd gone out one night to pick moonflowers and, in each flower, she found a few eggs. Her grandmother showed her what the eggs were in her Fantastic Beasts book. Alice had watched them carefully, and when it was safe to take them, she did. She brought them with her so Calandra could see how they hatched.

The two girls had studied the creatures in their schoolbooks and had even checked some extra books out of the library. All the texts said that the Estrevoars would be ready to hatch when they glowed bright blue at night. In order to hatch they had to be at least a hundred feet in the air. Usually the moonflowers would spit them out when they glowed and the Estrevoars would hatch in midair.

Calandra and Alice had gone to the astronomy tower to be up high enough, so they didn't have to throw the eggs. They each held out their hands and watched the eggs. One of the eggs in Alice's hand glowed first. A deep, midnight blue around the edges of the egg, and a brighter blue in the center. The two girls watched in amazement as the little egg glowed.

One by one the eggs in their hand glowed, until almost all of them were radiating light. They carefully sat the other eggs in Calandra's bag and walked back to the edge of the tower. Calandra lifted one of the eggs up and looked at Alice. They smiled excitedly at each other and Calandra tossed the egg into the sky.

It looked like a mixture between a shooting star and a firework. The egg left a glowing trail in its wake and with a small puff, burst open in the air. Tiny sparks rained down and a small creature twinkled where the egg was moments before. Calandra leaned over the ledge to look at the creature.

It was a small thing; only a bit bigger than one of Calandra's fingers. It had two wings that stretched out on either side of its long, thin body. The creature was all angles, sharp and pointing looking. But it was beautiful. Two long antennae looped up from the top of its body and attached to each was a tiny ball of light.

The whole creature glowed a bright, shocking white. The more Calandra studied it, the more colors she found in it. Prisms of brilliant blues and pinks twinkled when the Estrevoar fluttered its wings. When it flew up toward the top of the castle it looked exactly like a star twinkling in the night sky.

"Wow!" Alice breathed. "That's amazing. The picture in the book doesn't do it justice."

"I know." Calandra said.

"Come, on." Alice said. "Let's do some more."

The two girls tossed up egg after egg. Alice tossed a whole handful up into the air and they watched as the whole area was lit up with fluttering, twinkling wings. Some of the Estrevoars flew over and landed on Alice. Calandra laughed and laughed at her friend's shocked excitement. She wished she had a camera.

They were tossing up the last few eggs, when a they heard footsteps behind them. Calandra turned to find Remus Lupin picking his way through the telescopes. He shoved his hands into his pockets and offered the girls a smile.

"I was wondering where you were." He said to Calandra. "You didn't come to the library for the past few days. Thought you might be getting ill."

Alice picked up her bag excused herself. Calandra shot her a dirty look. She leaned against the ledge of the tower and watched Alice disappear down the stairs. She looked down at the eggs she still had in her hand.

"What are those?" Lupin asked, nodding toward the glowing eggs in her hand.

"Estrevoar eggs." She said. "Alice found them. We've been watching them hatch."

She held out her hand and offered him one. He reached out and plucked one up and studied it. He sat it on the ledge and rolled it back and forth between his hands.

"How far have you gotten in your translations?" he asked.

"I've translated the whole Germanic alphabet." She said. "I've started on the Egyptian set, too. I figure it won't be long until Ratsel adds that one in."

"You've been busy." He said, raising his eyebrows. "I don't know why he is having us cross reference when we don't even know the alphabet."

Calandra shrugged and looked out at the grounds. She rolled the egg around in her hand and watched the different blues glow in her palm.

"I guess you heard them." Lupin said.

Calandra didn't answer.

"Listen." He said. "I know they're a bunch of gits sometimes, but they didn't mean anything by it. I don't think you've slipped me a love potion or anything."

"But they do." she said, turning to him.

He stared down at the egg he was rolling across the ledge.

"Nah, they don't." he said. "They were just cross with me."

"Yeah," she scoffed. "That's why they think I drugged you or have you under an Imperius Curse; because they're cross with you."

Lupin hunched his shoulders.

"He didn't really mean it." He said. "Sirius gets ratty when he's cross. He doesn't truly think you've done anything to me."

Calandra crossed her arms and leaned over the ledge.

"They don't know, you know." Lupin said. "I haven't told them. I won't tell them."

"You don't have to." Calandra said. "People can guess secrets."

She gave him a pointed look. He laughed and rolled the egg into his palm.

"That's true." He admitted. "But yours is a bit harder to guess."

He stepped closer to her and spoke sincerely.

"I'm really sorry about what they said. They are, too, although I know you probably don't believe it. If you don't want to be partners in class anymore, that's fine. But I'd still like to be friends."

Calandra studied him. After a few moments she nodded and sighed.

"You're just trying to get in my good graces so you can have my translations." She said.

Lupin laughed and shook his head.

"I'm not, but if you're ever inclined to share them, I'd be grateful." He said. "It's impossible to work with Sirius. He never writes down any of the translations. He just stores them away somewhere in all that hair and hopes for the best."

Calandra laughed and shrugged.

"Seems to work, he's not far behind us in class."

Lupin rolled his eyes.

"Don't remind me. It's disgusting." He tossed the little egg up and caught it. "I've never seen one of these before, how do they hatch?"

Calandra grinned and tossed hers into the air. A streak of blue flashed across the sky and the little creature emerged in a puff of sparks. Little wings sparkled and fluttered as the Estrevoar took flight. It swooped in the air and flew up towards the stars, glittering and shining like it belonged there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally figured out how to upload images! It took me far longer than I care to admit. 
> 
> This was my very first attempt at any sort of digital artwork. It was fun to try out, but I still prefer oils and acrylics! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!


	12. Chapter 12

January 18, 1975

Alice read aloud from the newspaper she had spread out in front of her. They were sitting on Calandra's bed in the dorm, putting off their homework and waiting until it was time for dinner.

"There's a sale on Sleakeazy's." Alice murmured. "Madam Malkins is expanding."

Calandra flipped a page in her book and hummed in reply.

"The Warbecks are playing next month in London."

"That's not music." Calandra scoffed. "That's just noise."

"You could do that, you know." Alice said, running a finger down the page. "You're much better than they are."

"Yes." Calandra said. "Let me announce to the world where my voice comes from and see how fast they flock to me."

"Maybe one day you can." Alice shrugged.

"Maybe one day McGonagall will get drunk and dance the Rhumba with the Queen." Calandra rolled her eyes.

Alice giggled and flipped the page.

* * *

January 21, 1975

Remus Lupin slid onto the bench in front of Calandra and pushed a piece of parchment across the table at her. She swallowed the bite of pudding she had in her mouth and read the parchment. Her eyes widened in appreciation.

"How'd you figure out that rune?" she demanded. "I've been searching for over a week on its origin."

Lupin sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I wish I could take credit for it." He said. "But I can't."

"What?" Calandra asked, reading the page.

"Sirius figured it out." He said.

"His royal hairdo figured out this rune?" Calandra asked. "All by himself?"

"It's French." Lupin said, as if that explained it.

"Right." Calandra said. "And I suppose he knows French."

"Yeah." A voice answered from behind her.

Sirius Black reached over her shoulder and grabbed the page.

"I do. And I'll thank you to not steal my homework anymore you traitor." He glared at Lupin.

"Who helped you when you were stuck on the Baltic set?" Lupin said pointedly.

Calandra snorted. "I was the one who translated that set. You picked the Sanskrit ones."

"Yes, well." Lupin pulled a plate of jam tarts toward him. "I was the one who pointed this poor creature in the right direction."

Black shook his hair back and sat down beside Lupin with an exaggerated eye roll. Calandra pointed her spoon toward the parchment he held.

"How'd you figure out it was French?" she asked.

"I recognized some of the runes." He said with a shrug.

"From where?" Calandra wondered. "We haven't had any with French origins so far. I didn't even know there were French Runes."

He shrugged again cut into an apple crumble.

"My family has runes as part of our wards." He said. "We'll probably learn about them next year."

Calandra chewed her lip and thought about that. She didn't even know if her own home was warded. She knew wizard families used them to protect their homes, but as far as she knew all that it took to get into her house was the key she kept in her trunk.

"How does that work?" she asked.

Lupin looked up from his tarts.

"Wards?" he asked.

"No, runic wards." She said, stirring her pudding. "Do you just carve them into the door frames?"

Lupin looked to Black.

"You can." Black said. "Most people carve them into stones with magic abilities, though."

He peered at her with a puzzled expression.

"Don't your family use wards?" he asked. "They're not muggles."

"No, they're not muggles." She said. "But I don't know if we have wards up or not."

He shrugged and turned back to his food. Lupin cleared his throat and spoke to Calandra.

"Anyway." He said. "Now that we know the origin of the rune we can work from that to decipher those markings on the Rubis Stone. Bloody stupid of Ratsel to have us looking at markings that aren't even in the book."

Calandra nodded, lost in thought. Wards kept people out, but could they also be used to keep people in? What if her father tried to do that?

* * *

February 2, 1975

Alice held the magazine above their heads. Calandra tilted her head up and looked at the photos. She hooked a hand behind her head and read the article. Alice's eyes scanned the pages.

"And who is this?" Alice asked, pointing to a picture on the page.

Calandra smiled.

"The Who." She said.

"They sing the song with the Irish name." she said.

Calandra nodded.

"And this is the American that Mulligan is mad over." Alice said. "I recognize that hair."

"Yeah." Calandra said.

"My Gran calls those hats billycocks." Alice said and snorted. "What an awful name."

Calandra laughed.

"His hair is rather long though." Alice said, surveying the picture.

"Dumbledore has hair longer than both of us." Calandra pointed out.

"Yes, well." Alice said. "I meant long for a muggle, don't you think?"

"Not especially." Calandra shrugged. "Lots of muggles have long hair. There's a man on my street whose hair is longer than mine. He wears little green tinted glasses."

"Hmmm." Alice hummed. "I don't know if I'd like it. Imagine marrying someone with great long hair like that. What if I tried to kiss them and the wind whipped it straight into my mouth?"

Calandra laughed.

"The bloke you marry will have to deal with that with you, you know." She said.

"I guess so." Alice admitted. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Calandra asked.

"Does the future Mr. White have hair to rival Dumbledore's or is he a close-cropped fellow?"

"I shouldn't think it matters." Calandra said. "He doesn't exist."

"We're not talking about now." Alice said seriously. "We're talking about a future perfect world where you and I get neighboring houses and plant gardens muggles take pictures of."

"Oh, that world." Calandra said, laughing. "In that case, I don't suppose it matters either."

"You're not even trying, Callie." Alice admonished. "This is a perfect world we're talking about. You could marry that bloke from the color band you like."

"Pink Floyd?" Calandra deadpanned.

"That's the one." Alice nodded. "Humor me."

Calandra sighed and stared past the magazine Alice held and up at the ceiling.

"I don't know." She said. "I've never thought about it."

"Well, is Mr. White a very tall fellow?"

"Taller than me, I guess." Calandra said.

"Well, does he lean more towards this bloke?" she pointed to a photo in the magazine. "Or this one?"

Calandra studied the photos.

"I don't know, Alice." She shrugged. "That one? My hair's long and curly, a bloke like that would understand it. Wouldn't complain when I shed on the furniture like a bloody cat."

"Hmmm." Alice hummed. "That's true, but you don't sound very convinced."

"What does his hair matter for?" Calandra asked. "Who gives a fig about it?"

"I'm just trying to get a feel for the fellow. Paint me a picture, Callie. You know you can." Alice said.

Calandra looked back to the ceiling. She let her mind travel to Alice's perfect world.

"I don't much think about how he'd look." Calandra said. "But I'd want someone who could make me laugh. Who doesn't take life too seriously. I do that enough for two people."

"What else?" Alice asked quietly. She put the magazine down and stared at the ceiling with Calandra.

"Someone who likes being outside." Calandra said. "I don't think I would like being with someone who likes staying at home all the time."

Images of beaches and mountains and deserts flashed in Calandra's mind.

"I'd like to be with someone who likes to travel. We could go to all sorts of different places. There's so many things I've never seen and would love to."

"You plan on catching a rich bloke?" Alice joked.

"Nah." Calandra said. "I don't care about that. We could travel the world in a tent for all I care. As long as I'm not stuck in a box."

"I'm guessing he'd have to be a bit proper." Alice said.

Calandra furrowed her brows and Alice continued.

"He'd probably ask your father's blessing." She said. "I can't imagine he'd give it for just anyone."

Calandra scoffed.

"I wouldn't need it." She said. "Who wants some proper ponce with no brains and no sense of humor?"

"Right." Alice said. "So, a funny bloke who likes being outdoors and will travel the world with you. Who doesn't care about your father's blessing."

Calandra laughed.

"Pretty much." She said.

"Well, I'll keep my eyes open." Alice said. "Maybe you'll catch a dragon trainer."

Calandra shook her head.

"We're talking about your world, remember?" she said. "Not this one."

"Yeah." Alice echoed. "I know."

* * *

February 13, 1975

"I found it!" Calandra said, slapping a paper down in front of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

They looked up at her and Lupin slid down on the bench to give her room. She sat down and pushed the sleeve of her robes up. She held the page up and tilted it just a bit to the right and pointed at the rune she'd scribbled.

"It matches!" she said proudly. "It's from the Marcomannic set. Means power. It isn't the Greek alphabet at all!"

Lupin reached for the paper and Calandra turned to Black, excited. He looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"Now we don't have to try to figure it out this weekend." She explained. "We can go to Hogsmeade or whatever. It's done!"

"Why are you telling me?" he asked. "Remus is your partner."

"But I did tell him." She said. "I just showed the both of you."

"Right." He said.

She turned to Lupin and pointed at the rune in the upper left-hand corner of the page.

"This one is Marcomannic, too." She said. "If I had to bet, I'd say all of them are from that alphabet."

He nodded and continued studying the page. Calandra reached for a piece of toast. She spread jam on it and bit off the corner.

"Were the two of you working on them?" she asked, gesturing to the pages on the table.

"A bit." Lupin said, pushing the pages toward her.

She studied them as she munched on her toast. A series of markings at the top of the page caught her eye. She tilted her head and tried to make sense of them.

"What are these?" she asked. "I've never seen them before."

"Mer-Runes." Black said. "Runes the Merpeople use."

"Wow." Calandra breathed. "How do you know? They aren't in the books."

"Books?" he asked.

"Yeah, I got one of the older students to let me look through the Runes book for next year and the year after. They're not in there."

"Why'd you do that?" he wrinkled his nose.

"I wanted to see the other French Runes." She said. "There were only five though. I couldn't find anymore. Are there more?"

"Yeah." He said absently.

"I wonder why they're not in the book." She said. "Are they Dark Runes?"

"Why would you ask that?" he asked, affronted.

"Why else wouldn't they be in the book?" she asked, surprised.

"What are you saying?" he asked with a sneer.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why'd you automatically think they were Dark Runes?" he demanded.

"I can't find them anywhere." She said and thought back to trying to find answers about herself; Alice by her side, flipping determinedly through spell books.

"If you can't find something, it usually means people want to hide something dark." She said a bit wistfully.

"Well, they aren't." he said. "They're just Familial Runes."

"Your family has its own runes?" she asked.

"All pureblood families do." He rolled his eyes. "Yours probably does, too."

Calandra thought about asking her father about their Familial Runes. Not very likely.

"So, where do they come from?" she asked. "If they're only for your family, how do you know that the translation from the other day is correct?"

Black rolled his eyes again.

"They're not only for my family." He said. "My family just kept the record for them. They used them for their own wards and somewhere down the line they started calling them by the family name. They're really just runes made up by a French wizard hundreds of years ago."

"So, anyone could use them." She said.

"Of course." He replied.

"Then how do you ward your house with them?" she asked. "Couldn't just anyone get in if they cast a spell to reverse the rune?"

"They're blood wards." He said. "If you're not a Black then the wards expel you. Unless someone grants you entrance."

"You soak your runes in blood?" she asked with a wrinkle in her nose.

"I don't." he said. "And they've been set for over a hundred years."

"So, this one." Lupin leant toward her and pointed to a different rune. "This one could be the marking for life or birth."

Calandra turned her attention to the page in front of her and went over a few of the different possibilities. She took a swig of pumpkin juice and turned back to her left, to ask about the Mer-Runes, but Sirius Black wasn't there.

* * *

February 18, 1975

She sat in the Transfiguration classroom with Alice and went over her notes. They were transforming their inkwells into iguanas and Calandra just couldn't get the last bit of it right. She muttered the spell to herself and chewed her thumbnail.

She scribbled a formula on her parchment and worked through it, making sure it would work and focused back on the inkwell. She flicked her wand forward and the inkwell glowed and grew to the size of a Quaffle.

Calandra stuck her tongue between her teeth and concentrated on the image of an iguana in her mind. Students chattered all around her and she tried to tune them out.

"Mate." A voice came from the table next to hers. "I'm telling you, we could conjure up a harness for the giant squid and ride it."

Calandra flicked her wand upwards to finish the transfiguration. The inkwell glowed brightly and turned into an animal. But it was the wrong animal. An octopus lay on the desk where Alice's inkwell was moments before.

Calandra gasped and turned to look in her book. As she did so her wand sent the octopus straight into the next table. Black ink spurted everywhere and students all around the tables shrieked and jumped away from the creature.

"Mr. Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out fiercely.

"I've never seen such a mess in my classroom." She said. "Detention! You and Mr. Black, both."

"Professor." Calandra said, but Professor McGonagall didn't hear her.

"I suppose this was your idea of a practical joke." She said waving her wand to vanishing the octopus. "I, for one, do not find it very funny."

"Professor..." Calandra repeated.

"This ink will have to be scrubbed out." She said. "Students, you're dismissed. Spend the ten minutes of class you're missing studying the Transfiguration book please. I'll have no repeat performances of this."

Alice pulled Calandra from the room and they made their way up to Gryffindor Tower. Calandra felt horrible. She sat on the common room couch with Alice and chewed her thumbnail, nervously.

"It was me, Alice." Calandra said. "They shouldn't have gotten detention over that."

"They still probably deserved it." She said.

"Still." Calandra said. "It wasn't very fair."

She sat there watching the fire for a moment, then got up.

"I have to go tell Professor McGonagall." She said. "I'll tell her it was an accident."

Alice nodded and pulled a jelly button from her bag.

"I'll meet you outside Charms." She said, popping the sweet in her mouth.

Calandra climbed out of the portrait hole and walked toward the Transfiguration classroom. She chewed on her lip at the thought of what Professor McGonagall would do. She turned the corner and ran into someone.

She stumbled back and rubbed her forehead. James Potter stood in front of her rubbing his mouth. She grimaced. Of all the people to meet right now.

"I'm telling McGonagall it wasn't you two." She said in a rush. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make the octopus fall on you."

"Did you mean to make the octopus?" Potter asked.

"No." Calandra shook her head. "Is Professor McGonagall still in the classroom?"

"Nah, she's going to find Filch." Potter said. "Don't worry about it White. It's no big deal."

"Yeah, but you have detention." She said.

"All she's having us do is practice our Transfiguration." He shrugged. "Hardly a detention is it?"

Calandra glanced at him and looked toward the end of the hallway.

"You don't care?" she asked.

Potter snorted.

"Please." He said. "Give me your notes for our next Charms class and we'll call it even; I didn't do mine."

She laughed.

"Deal." She said.

* * *

March 17, 1975

Calandra walked with Dorcas, Alice, and Cecilia Marpole toward Ravenclaw tower. They'd been up at the astronomy tower, watching the meteor shower and lost all track of time.

"See you guys tomorrow." Cecilia said and turned toward the door that led to Ravenclaw common room.

"What has a neck but no head?" a voice came from the door.

Cecilia thought for a moment and looked at the door.

"A shirt." She said softly and the door swung open.

Calandra and the other two girls hurried back down the staircase and through the corridor toward their own dorms, muttering under their breath at one another.

"I'm glad we don't have to worry about any of that rubbish to get into our dorm." Dorcas muttered.

"What if you don't know the answer?" Alice whispered.

"It probably isn't so bad." Calandra said.

"Oh yeah, and would you have thought of a sodding shirt for that question?" Dorcas asked.

"I'd have said a nobleman after the bloody guillotine." Calandra said. "I wouldn't be wrong."

Alice giggle and they heard a laugh sound from down the hallway. All three girls turned quickly to see who it was. No one was there. They looked at one another and hurried on down the hall.

"That didn't sound like Peeves." Alice whispered.

"As long as it wasn't a professor or a prefect who cares who it was." Calandra said and rushed to the Fat Lady's portrait.

* * *

March 29, 1975

"Well, if it isn't the dark horse herself." Lupin smiled as she sat next to him in Runes.

"I'm never telling you anything ever again if you keep it up." She warned.

"Who else would you tell all your secrets to?" Lupin asked.

"What secrets you spilling, White?" Sirius Black leant against their table. "If you've got any particularly juicy ones, my ears are primed and ready to hear. And I'm much better at keeping my mouth shut than this lug."

"I doubt that." Calandra said.

"And why's that?" he asked.

"Because I've told Lupin a few choice things and you haven't given me a hard time about any of them. So, by the looks of it, he's a pretty good confidant."

Lupin smirked at him. Black rolled his eyes.

"Like what?" he scoffed. "You only worked ahead two chapters instead of three in Arthimancy?"

"No." Calandra rolled her eyes. "Like Alice and I snuck into Ravenclaw Tower and charmed all the banners to flash red and gold instead of blue and bronze at the Quidditch match."

"That was you?" he asked surprised.

Calandra gave him a look.

"What's got you both so fired up over the Quidditch match? Fancy a bloke on the team?" he asked.

Lupin rolled his eyes and snorted.

"No. The opposite, actually. Alice can't stand Roberts." Calandra shrugged.

"Well." Black raised his brows. "Never pegged you for a rule breaker, White."

"Some of us know how to keep from getting caught." She smiled.

"Maybe I'll come to you for pointers next time I try to sneak into a different dormitory." He said and sauntered back over to his seat.


	13. Chapter 13

April 4, 1975

"Hey, White. Have you finished the Muggle Studies assignment yet?" Sirius Black asked walking up the table she shared with Alice.

"Almost." She replied. "I'm working on it now. Why? You need help?"

"Are you offering?" he smirked.

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"Well." She said. "Do you need help or not?"

He pulled a chair out and sat in it.

"I can do it on my own. I just have a few questions." He said, propping his feet on another chair.

"Ok." Calandra said, turning back to her assignment. "About what?"

"Muggles." He said.

"Right. I gathered that." Calandra quipped. "What about them?"

"So they can't use magic to run their machines. They use explosives." He said.

"Well, in a sense. They use petrol for cars and electricity for lights." Calandra nodded.

"How do they cook with it?" he asked.

"What?" Calandra laughed.

"They use that stuff for cooking right?" he said. "I get that the stuff runs their machines, but how does it cook the food?"

"Oh." Calandra put down her quill. "Well it happens two ways. The stove is either heated up by gas and you cook on a metal ring over a flame or the stove is heated by electricity and you cook on a metal ring that heats up on its own."

"So they do use fire to cook." He said.

"Some do. Ours is a gas range. It works better with the magic in the house." She said turning the page in her book.

"What about the electric ones?" he asked.

"What about them?" she asked absently.

"How to they get hot enough to heat the pots?"

"It's all about the energy we went over this term." Calandra flipped a page and continued. "Some places have windmills, some places use water, a lot of places use things like petrol. All the energy that comes from those things makes the electricity."

Sirius rested his elbow on the table and put his chin in his hand. Calandra flipped to another page in her book. Alice looked between the two of them and fought back a smile.

"The electricity makes the stove heat up. And when you put a metal pot on the metal part of the stove that heats up….well, obviously the pot is going to heat up. Just like if you put a pot over the fire it will heat up. The whole stove doesn't get hot. Just certain parts."

She looked over at him.

"Did that help?" she asked.

"Oh, er, yeah." He said.

"Mary has an electric range at home." Calandra said. "And her dad works on them. She could tell you all about them if you need more help."

He shook his head and smiled.

"No thanks. I'm good."

"Are you doing your assignment over electric stoves?" she asked interestedly. "I went with something much simpler. We have to break it down into steps and that's just too many steps for me."

"Maybe." He said. "I haven't decided yet."

"Oh!" she said, surprised. "Well, you better look through the book and pick something out. It's due this week. If you need any more help just let me know."

"Will do, White." He grinned and stood up.

"See you ladies later."

Calandra lifted a hand and turned back to her book. Alice smirked.

"A whole conversation and he didn't use a single insult." She mused. "Imagine that."

"What?" Calandra glanced up from her book.

"Nothing." Alice said with a smile. "Just he's gotten friendlier here lately, hasn't he?"

"Yeah." Calandra nodded. "I suppose so. He's much more palatable this way, don't you think."

Alice bit back a smile and nodded her agreement.

* * *

April 27, 1975

Alice sank onto Calandra's bed and flopped onto her back. Calandra pulled her feet up and set her sketchbook aside. Alice turned her head toward Calandra.

"I'm exhausted." She said.

"It's almost dinnertime." Calandra said.

"I don't even want food." Alice said rubbing her hands over her face.

"I stayed up until midnight last night finishing the homework for Transfiguration." She said.

"I offered to help you with it." Calandra said, swinging her legs off the side of the bed.

"I'll never learn it on my own if I let you help me with it." Alice said, sleepily.

"Come on." Calandra pulled her friend's arm. "Get in bed. Take a nap. I'll bring dinner to you."

"Would you?" Alice yawned rolling onto a pillow.

"Of course." Calandra pulled her duvet over Alice. "Get some sleep."

"Thanks, Callie." Alice murmured and snuggled down in the bed.

Calandra smiled and set her sketchbooks on her desk. She pulled Alice's shoes off and set them under the bed. Then, she extinguished the lights and crept out the door.

* * *

May 2, 1975

"I thought you, of all people would understand!" she threw her parchment into her school bag.

"Why do you think I'm having this conversation with you?" he said evenly.

"I don't know. Because you're tired of me coming to you with my problems? Because Alice put you up to it? Because you're tired of hearing me complain about myself when you have it so much worse?"

She shoved his schoolbooks toward him.

"Alice hasn't put me up to anything." Remus said reaching down and plucking up a spell book. "And I don't think I have it worse than you."

She gave him a withering look, "You don't have to lie, Remus, I know how you really feel."

His shoulders slumped.

"Ok." He conceded, "Sometimes I do feel that way, but look. I transform once a month. It's awful, truly, and exhausting. But for the other few weeks I can pretend nothing's wrong. That I'm just a normal bloke. When's the last day you just did something normal without worrying or hiding?"

She grabbed a handful of quills and threw them in the bag.

"My parents are there for me. I don't have to worry about them using me. You don't have that luxury."

She glared at him, lips turning down. He went on.

"And I have friends who don't care. For some reason, they don't give a fig about it. You have Alice. One person who you can truly be yourself with. At least I can go back to my dorm and speak freely. You have to hide everywhere."

He held out the spell book to her, "Are you going to hide the rest of your life? Going to turn to your husband when you're forty and say, 'Oh, love, sorry I forgot to mention, I'm a Siren. How about shepherd's pie for supper?' are you?"

"Isn't that just the pot calling the kettle black." She jerked the book from his hand. "Besides, that won't be an issue and you know it. I'd never have children and who's going to want that?"

He just sighed and nodded.

* * *

May 2, 1975

"I'm sorry, you know."

She turned from her perch on the rock by the forbidden forest. Remus Lupin stood there with his hands in his pockets. The wind tossed his hair up and his shirt collar flapped.

She nodded and turned her attention back to the forest. She'd been watching squirrels climb through the trees.

"Are you going to talk to me, or are you just going to ignore me?" He asked.

Calandra sighed.

"I don't really want to talk." She said.

"Well, you can listen to me, then." Remus said jovially, and came to sit beside her on the rock.

"I didn't mean to make you upset. I honestly was trying to help."

"Yeah, I know." She said, watching the trees sway.

"I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have said some of those things, it wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry about it."

"How'd you know where to find me?" Calandra asked.

"I had a bit of help." He said, after a pause.

Alice must've ratted her out.

"Look, I won't bring it up again after today, ok?" Remus said. "It's just…. sometimes people surprise you."

"Yeah, well, maybe you're the exception." Calandra said. "Maybe that only extends to you because your mates don't have the self-preservation God gave a Grindylow. Not everyone is like them, you know."

"Alice is." Remus pointed out.

"Who else would be, though?" she asked. "Who else would keep it to themselves? Do you trust anyone else with your secret besides the three stooges?"

"You." he said.

She laughed. "There's a nice little security blanket there isn't there, though? I have a secret, too. If I tell yours, you tell mine."

"That's not why I trust you." he said. "Is that why you trust me?"

She thought for a moment and shook her head.

"No. It really isn't. I didn't even think about that when I told you. I just trust you because…well…you understand."

He sighed.

"So, look." He said. "Maybe you can't trust other people like you do Alice or me, but you don't have to run away from everyone."

"I don't run away." She contradicted.

"There are other people who want to be your friends, you know," he said exasperated. "I hear it all the time. But, other than polite conversation, you don't give an inch."

"How am I supposed to know?" She said turning to him. "I've read the books. I know what I am. I'll never know if they're being around me _for_ me or _because_ of me."

He didn't say anything. She didn't either. They just sat together in silence. The wind whipped through the trees and birds called to one another. Calandra wrapped her arms around herself and took a breath.

"I don't have a clue what people hear in my voice. If they hear the things they want to or if they just hear words. I can't even find anything in the library about it because who no one wants to talk about it, let alone write about it."

She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them.

"And it's not like I can ask anyone, can I?"

"It's just words. Your voice is nice and soothing even when you're going a bit spare, but that's it." He replied. "Why didn't you just ask me, if that's what you're worried about?"

"Well, you're not exactly normal, are you?" she asked gesturing to him.

He laughed. "Fair point."

She sighed and grabbed a leaf that had fallen onto the rock. She twirled it in her fingers, deep in thought.

"Would it be so bad?" he asked softly. "If people liked you for what you are? I mean, it is a part of you."

She ripped the leaf slowly in half.

"Yes." She said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Where's my choice in all of that?" she asked slapping her hand on her thigh. "I say a few words and people want to be near me? Well, what if I don't want to be near them?"

"Then you leave." He said.

"As if it's that simple." She laughed. "As if they wouldn't follow."

"Well. If they follow maybe it means that its more than just the Siren stuff."

"You're romanticizing it." She shook her head. "I'm being practical."

"What's wrong with looking at it glass half full?" he asked.

"I know where that future ends. Me, married to someone who doesn't love me, wishing I would've never spoken to him."

"You don't know that." He said.

"I do." She answered bitterly. "I've watched the scene play out once before; I don't care for an encore."

* * *

May 10, 1975

She sat with Alice in the common room in front of the fire. Alice flipped through a magazine while Calandra leant over a sketchbook. The fire crackled and students filtered through the common room, killing time before supper.

"You're looking less ferocious today, White." Sirius Black said, walking by with James Potter. "You and lover-boy get over your spat?"

"Which one?" she asked without looking up.

"What?" Potter asked.

"Which lover-boy?" she deadpanned. "I've got them queueing up, you know."

Potter scoffed. Alice giggled.

"I think they're talking about Lupin but it could be that Slytherin fellow." Alice said with a smirk.

"Ahh, you ruined it Alice." Calandra wrinkled her nose. "I'd go with a Hufflepuff before a snake."

She turned toward the two boys.

"You should know better than anyone else Remus is my mate, nothing more. He's got eyes for Elise Conners."

"What?" Potter's mouth dropped open.

"You didn't know?" Calandra laughed.

"He has class with her." Potter said. "They do homework together."

"Right." Calandra said tapping her pencil to her chin. "They have one class together, which he also shares with all of us, and he chooses to do homework with her."

The two boys looked at one another.

"Four days a week." Calandra added.

"He does homework with you and I'm in your Runes Class and your Arithmancy Class." Black pointed out.

"We're partners in Runes. We do homework together Tuesdays and Thursdays and half the time you're there now, too." Calandra laughed. "When's the last time either of you joined in on one of his other study sessions?"

Black and Potter looked to one another flummoxed. Calandra flipped a page in her sketchbook and hurriedly drew lines across it. She bit back a smile and rubbed her pencil across the page.

Alice looked between the two boys.

"You're really saying you haven't noticed, Black?" She asked. "You're always sweet talking some witch, figured you'd notice."

"I'm not very well trying to do homework with them, Fawcett." He scoffed.

"Maybe she's really good at Charms." Potter wondered.

Alice laughed and flipped a page in her magazine.

"I'd say she is, but not the kind you learn about in class." She said. "And Callie's got top marks in Flitwick's class."

Calandra gave a self-satisfied grin. The portrait hole swung open and Remus Lupin ducked inside. He called out to his friends and cocked his head.

"You coming to down to dinner?" he asked. "Pete's waiting for us."

"Where have you been?" Potter asked.

"Going over homework." He said.

"What class?" Potter narrowed his eyes.

"Charms." Remus said, looking between Potter and Calandra.

Potter rolled his eyes and shook his head, disgusted. He and Black crossed the room muttering to each other. Remus looked at Calandra confusedly. She smiled and held up her sketchbook.

"Isn't their reaction priceless?" she asked.

"Their reaction to what?" he asked staring down at the sketch of his two friends.

"Your torrid love affair." Alice said.

Remus's face grew red and he shook his head. Calandra smiled and put her things away. She hopped off the couch and motioned for Alice and Remus to follow her.

"Come on!" she said. "It's dinnertime!"


	14. Chapter 14

October 2, 1998

She swept her feet back and forth across the floor. Her hands lay clasped in her lap, holding onto pieces of the past that got her through the days. She held them up to her chest and breathed a deep breath in.

She'd not think about the summers spent at home with her father. Locked doors and cold stares. She lived that enough each day here in this room. Instead she let her mind travel straight back to school each year.

Back to quickened heartbeats and new feelings she didn't allow herself to truly feel until she was too far gone to stop it. Back to the security that was her best friend. Back to a life she wished she still had.

* * *

September 8, 1975

Calandra had finally convinced Professor Vector to give her a permission slip for the book, but when she went to check it out who should she find hidden in the restricted section of the library. Sirius Black and some Hufflepuff snogging like their lives depended on it. Honestly. It was the second week of school, and already this was happening.

Calandra cleared her throat. The girl jumped and blushed. Black ran a hand through his hair.

"There's an empty classroom just outside," she said. "Do you have to do that here?"

The girl gathered up her things and muttered, "I'll see you later," and fled from the room, mortification showing on her face.

Black smiled and ran his hand through his hair. Calandra rolled her eyes as he tightened his tie and straightened his robes.

"What?" he said, noticing her eye roll. "You don't like having all the knowledge in the wizarding universe around you while a dashing young bloke kisses you senseless? I like the irony of it."

"I'm sure you do," she said drily. "Well, some of us actually want to read the books. Not use them as tricks to get into knickers."

"Bit of a waste of the books if you ask me." Black leaned back against the shelf.

"I didn't ask you." she said reaching up to a small leather-bound book with bright blue writing on the spine and puling it down. "Aren't you going to go comfort your damsel in distress?"

"Why go after that one when there's one in front of me?" He said examining his fingernails.

"I'm not in distress," she said opening the cover of the book. She frowned. It was the wrong edition. She put it back on the shelf and scanned the rows.

"Seems to me like you're in need of help." He smirked at her.

"I'm looking for a book, Black, not fighting a dragon." Calandra bent down to look on the bottom shelf. "I have eyes that can read and hands that are more than capable of holding a book, so you can just fall off of that white horse you're trying to ride."

He didn't say anything, just watched her as she pulled two more books off the shelf and peered at the covers before depositing them back where they came from. Her brows drew together as she scanned the top shelves. He bit back a chuckle.

"Seems like maybe I should take the high road and offer my assistance again, though you did spurn me quite harshly." He said when as she paced back toward him the second time, her eyes roving the shelves.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"You have it don't you?" she asked crossly.

"Have what?" He asked innocently.

"You have the book. The book I'm looking for." She frowned, just her luck.

"I did get permission to check out a book from the restricted section, yes. But how could I know which specific book you're looking for." His eyes sparked.

"You were doing so well, last term." She huffed. "On being quite tolerable. Why'd you have to ruin it?"

He shrugged and raised his eyebrows at her.

She sighed. She didn't have the energy for this. She picked up her bag.

"Just let me know when you return it. I'll have to get Vector to sign off on it again." She hoisted the strap of her bag onto her shoulder and slipped out between the bookshelves.

She walked towards the great hall and found Alice on a bench in the corridor, reading a book. She looked up and closed her book.

"Hey," Alice said. "I figured you'd be in the library when I couldn't find you out by the lake. You ready for dinner?"

"Yeah, I'm starving. How'd the meeting with Sprout go?" she asked as they waked towards the entrance to the great hall.

"Great!" Alice said. "She said I could take one of the little cacti babies home with me over break if I wanted."

They walked over to the table and sat down. The table quickly filled up. Gideon and Fabian came over and sat with them and soon Dorcas joined them. They started talking about the upcoming quidditch match. Calandra just listened, her head in her hand, when a familiar voice said her name.

"What?" she said looking up.

"Can I borrow a quill?" James Potter asked her. He had a piece of parchment spread out on the table in front of him and was standing over it absentmindedly chewing on his thumbnail.

"Oh, yeah. Sure." She replied.

She reached for her bag and flipped it open. She reached into the usual pocket where she kept her quills and felt something different. She pulled it out. A small leatherbound book was in her hand. She flipped it over and blue writing swirled across the front.

"Thanks." Potter said plucking a quill out of the book.

She looked up and saw Sirius Black smiling at her from where he sat beside Potter. He gave her a wink and filled his plate. She looked back down at the book and ran her hand down the spine. 

* * *

September 19, 1975

"Oi, Meadows!" Dorcas and Calandra turned and saw James Potter throwing up his hand in a greeting.

"Oh, White too! Perfect!" He said dropping his broomstick from its perch on his shoulder. "We're doing practice plays and I'm looking for someone to scrimmage. We need two more fliers, care to join?"

"Sure," Dorcas looked to Calandra and tilted her head in question.

"Yeah, I'm all through with classes for today." Calandra said. "I don't have a broomstick, though. I'll have to use one of the school ones."

"Some of those things are older than Godric himself." Potter huffed. "One of us will let you borrow a spare. Come on."

He tossed his broom back on his shoulders and motioned for them to follow him. As the three made their way to the quidditch pitch, Potter explained some of the plays he wanted to practice.

"You're a good hand at flying, White, but I've never seen you handle a Quaffle." Potter was saying.

"You don't want to either." Dorcas laughed. "Put her on seeker. Just let her tail yours and trip him up a bit."

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"Gee thanks."

"You know it's true, Callie." Dorcas said fondly to her friend, then turned to Potter. "She'll give your beaters good practice."

"Alright," Potter said nodding his head. "I might need to rotate some of you, how are you at keeping?"

"I can manage if I have to, but you'll probably want Dor for that. I'm really only good at flying, none of the rest of it." She said as they walked toward the bleachers.

"Okay." Potter said. "I've got a couple people who'll be chasers for me. Meadows, you can join them or be keeper; whatever you choose. White, just keep on my seeker for now while we go through some plays and then I'll switch people around and you can be beater for a bit, give you a break."

He set his broomstick against the bleachers and ran off.

"I'll go grab a couple brooms for you," he tossed back over his shoulder.

Calandra pulled her hair back and secured it with a hair tie.

"Which team do you think has got them so wound up they're running scrimmage this early in the season?" she asked Dorcas.

"I'd put my sickles on Ravenclaw. They've got a new keeper this year; she must be something else." Dorcas tied her own hair back and shrugged her cloak off.

Potter came running back up with two broomsticks and his friends. Sirius Black matched his strides while the Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin trailed behind them, kicking a Quaffle like it was a football.

"Morgana's tits James, why?" Black's voice carried to where the girls stood.

"I told you, I need Jacobs to have competition and he bloody well won't get it on the school brooms, a first year could outfly them. You've got two and I need one of them." Potter shook him off.

"Any decent flier has a broom of their own!"

"Sod off Sirius!" Potter had stopped in front of the girls. "Here you go ladies."

He handed them each a broom. Dorcas twirled hers across her hand. It was sturdy, with a pretty good fan of broom bristles. A great broom for a keeper and would work for a chaser, too. Calandra ran a hand down the handle of the broom he gave her. It was a lightweight thing; it's bristles sleek and smooth. She swung a leg over it and Dorcas turned to Potter.

"Put all that bragging about your transfiguration to use Potter, give us some trousers."

Calandra looked down at herself, she'd forgotten she was still in her school uniform skirt. She looked up at Potter and realized she wasn't alone.

"Err, right," he said, "Let me go get my wand."

He jogged over to the bleachers. Sirius Black snorted. Calandra stood up from her broom. She leaned it against herself, the handle lodged in the crook of her elbow, as she rolled her sleeves up and loosened her tie. She slipped it over her head and threw it in her school bag when Potter came jogging back up to them.

"No funny business, Potter, or you've lost yourself two players. I won't have the entire quidditch pitch see me in Slytherin shorts or whatever else you could prank us with." Dorcas gave him a shrewd look.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," Potter shot back at her and waved his wand. Their skirts lengthened and wrapped around their legs. "Fit alright?"

"Yeah, thanks." Calandra swung her leg back over her broom and shot up into the air just as Remus and Pettigrew reached the group.

It was a good broom, faster than any of the others she'd been on. She made one lap around the pitch in hardly any time at all. This would be so fun. She landed back down next to the others and hopped off the broom.

"That was great," she smiled. "Where'd you get this broom? What kind is it?" She looked over the handle, searching for the model or the name.

"I bought it in Diagon Alley." Black said crossing his arms. "It's the newest Nimbus."

"Wow." Calandra said impressed. "It flies like a dream. Thanks for letting me use it."

"Yeah," he said rolling his eyes at Potter. "I didn't have much of a choice in the matter."

"Don't start, mate." Potter said waving him off. "Come on, let's go. I want to talk to everyone."

They all walked over to the bleachers where the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team had settled themselves alongside a few others Potter must've roped into playing.

"Alright," he said, clapping his hands together. "I've got enough for a scrimmage team so we're jumping right into it. Jones, Mulaney…we'll be chasing against Remus, Peter, and Meadows."

He turned to a burly seventh year.

"Finch, you alright with being keeper?"

The boy nodded and Potter went on, "Sebastian, you and Travis will be beaters for now, while White plays seeker, then she'll switch off with one of you after this round."

"Where's Baker?" Dorcas asked.

A snort of laughter went through the Gryffindor team and Blake Jones, one of the Gryffindor chasers, answered.

"Our illustrious captain is in the hospital wing, probably will be for a couple weeks. Black's stepping in as beater until he's back."

"Alright!" Mulaney said jumping up. "I've got places to be, let's go!"

They all got to their feet and grabbed broomsticks. A few at a time, they pushed off the ground and flew into the air.

"Bridges charmed the Snitch to stay within the pitch and glow after 20 minutes. So keep an eye out!" Jones yelled as they took formation.

Calandra rose a bit higher than the others and saw Lawrence Jacobs, the Gryffindor seeker, do the same. A whistle blew and she surveyed the teams for a moment, just watching. She watched Jacobs fly. He was methodical, always tracing the same circles above the others looking for the snitch. She dove down to Sebastian Podopulus and flew alongside him.

"Jacobs is an easy hit, always flies the same pattern." She said and shot back up.

She scanned the pitch, looking for the Snitch, but didn't catch sight of it. She enjoyed flying but didn't really care for the rest of the game. The chasers were cycling through plays and she ducked out of the way of a Bludger Brinkley sent flying her way. She saw Dorcas slip the Quaffle past the Gryffindor keeper and smiled.

Sebastian had relayed the information on Jacobs to the other beater and the two were disrupting his flying with well-aimed Bludgers. Black and Brinkley stuck close by, fending them off. Remus passed the Quaffle to Dorcas and she flew toward the goal posts, but Mulaney headed her off. The Gryffindor chasers were very good, but Finch was turning out to be quite the keeper. They hadn't managed to get a goal past him yet.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jacobs whip around and lean over his broom zipping towards where his team's keeper hovered. She wheeled her broom around and shot through the air, easily catching him. She looked around for the Snitch but couldn't see it. Her only option was to tail him and head him off before he could catch it. She flied neck in neck with him for a couple seconds then swerved her broom in front of him. He pulled up on the handle of his broomstick, jerking it to a halt, and shot her a dirty look.

She flew back up the pitch and cast her eyes over everything. Travis and Sebastian, and Black and Brinkley kept the Bludgers flying through the air. Her team was ahead thanks to Dorcas's early goal, and Finch's keeping skills. But Mulaney managed to swoop in and grab the Quaffle when Pettigrew dropped it, and she knew they wouldn't be in the lead for long.

Suddenly, she caught sight of tiny silver wings fluttering in the distance. She leaned close to her broom and flew up to the tiny gold ball. It darted forward and then off to the side. Before Jacobs even noticed what she was doing, she leaned to the right and reached her hand out, closing her fingers around the Snitch.

It let out a high, shrill whistle and a dozen or so heads turned toward her. She held her arm up and waved it just as a Bludger hit her shoulder from behind. She lurched forward, gripping the broom handle with her left hand and dropped the snitch from her right. She was losing air quick. She could see people flying up towards her and she pulled up on the handle of the broom hard. She hovered in the air for a moment and felt someone grab her broom handle.

"Easy there, White. You took a good hit." Potter said, steadying her broom. Ilya Bridges flew along on her other side and Dorcas dropped to fly a bit below them. Slowly they descended and came upon the rest of the players standing between Sirius Black and Quillian Brinkley.

"What did you think you were doing?" Black barked. "She had the Snitch, right there in her bloody hand and you send a Bludger straight at her head?"

"I swear I hit it before she caught it," Brinkley looked over at her with a pained expression. "Calandra I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had the Snitch."

"S' okay Brinkley." she said dismounting. "No big deal, Pomphrey can fix it."

"You don't have to go to Pomphrey if you don't want to," Finch said walking over to her. "Looks like it's just dislocated. Episkey will fix it."

"You sure, Finch?" Dorcas said pulling the collar back and looking at the bruise forming on Calandra's shoulder.

"Yeah," he said peering at her shoulder. "I'm taking an apprenticeship as a healer and it's one of the first things we learn. Pop the buttons on your shirt and let me see your arm."

She reached up and unbuttoned her shirt with one hand, letting the other just hang limply. The rest of the players looked away. She chuckled.

"I have clothes on you gits. Merlin, you act like you've never seen a girl in a vest before." She laughed, then let out a hiss as Dorcas helped her ease her arm out of the sleeve. Finch peered at the back of her arm.

"You've got a bit of a scratch," he said. "Blood's seeping through your shirt, but other than that it's just popped out of socket."

"Go ahead and fix it." Calandra jerked her head towards her shoulder.

"It'll hurt like hell for a second, you probably want to sit down." He walked over to his bag by the bleachers and got his wand. She followed him and sat on the bottom bleacher, leaning forward and gripping the seat. The other players stood beside them.

Finch walked up behind her and said, "You might want to hold her arm still, Meadows, make sure she doesn't move it."

Dorcas wrapped her hand around Calandra's elbow and pain shot up her arm.

She winced and said, "Get on with it, Finch."

She screwed her eyes closed and heard him mutter the spell. She heard a faint pop. Then all of a sudden, a sharp searing pain shot down her arm. She almost cried out, but stopped herself. After a few seconds the pain ebbed to a dull ache.

"Try moving it." Finch said and replaced his hand where Dorcas's was.

He helped her stand up and she tentatively raised her arm. It was sore, but that was all.

"It's good." she nodded at him and he held her arm up, rotating it this way and that, asking if anything hurt.

"Well, you should be all set. It'll hurt through the night. You can go to Pomphrey for pain potion if you want."

"I'll go get one after dinner," she said shoving her arm in her shirt and buttoning it back up. "Everyone ready for another match?"

A few of them looked at her warily. Potter was holding her broom in his hand.

"You don't have to fly anymore if you're not up to it." He said.

"Nah," she said waving him away. "I'm good, but I don't think I'll be up to taking over beater with my arm."

She looked over at Sebastian and Travis.

"That ok with you, boys?"

They nodded and she held out her hand for the broom.

"Come on, we won that match. I bet we'll win this one, too!" she said with a grin.

Potter smiled and threw the broom to her, "We'll see about that!"

Most of the players mounted their brooms and pushed off. She walked on out onto the pitch and picked up the beater's bat laying there. She tossed it over to Black, who was still standing on the ground.

"No cheap shots!" she laughed and flung her leg over the broom.

"Who do you think was batting them away from you the first go around?" he asked shaking his head.

"You're just jealous we won!" she smirked and kicked off the ground.


	15. Chapter 15

September 26, 1975

"Listen, Marty, I'd love to help you right now, but I have to go. I've got Potions and if I'm late there's no telling who Slughorn will partner me with." Calandra walked down the corridor towards the dungeons.

"Maybe I could meet you afterwards? I don't have Transfiguration until tomorrow. We could meet in the library?" Marty Gregors walked quickly to keep up with her.

"It's double Potions today then I have to go straight to Sprout's. I'm really sorry, but I can't do anything today. I promised Dorcas I'd go to the Quidditch pitch with her, then I've got Astronomy tonight, too."

Marty's face fell.

"Tell, you what," she said running down the hall. "I'll get Potter to meet you in the library! He knows transfiguration better than any of us! He'll help you!"

"Oh, uh well…" Marty stammered.

"Gotta go! See you later."

She slid into the classroom and saw Professor Slughorn's back was to the class. He was rifling around in his store cupboard. She went to an empty seat in the back of the class and looked over the room. She forgot they were sharing potions with Slytherin this year. She dreaded partnering up. Sometimes Slughorn let them choose partners, but sometimes he chose for them. It would be her luck to get Snape or Fidis.

"Alright, class."

Professor Slughorn stood in front of the table at the front of the room, placing bottles and jars along the length of it.

"Today we'll be brewing Calming Draught. Since it's the weekend tomorrow, and I'm feeling generous, if you brew it correctly there will be no homework. If you can't give me a satisfactory vial, I'll need 10 inches of parchment on the mistakes you made and what the correct method is." Slughorn chuckled. "Go on and partner up. I've laid out the less common ingredients here, so you won't have to dig in the cupboard for them."

Calandra got up and moved toward the middle row on the right side of the room. Alice was already walking toward her. She smiled.

"Just go back. "Alice told her when they met in the middle. "I'd rather sit back here."

Calandra nodded and handed Alice her bag, "Here, take this back for me will you. I'll go get our cauldron and put the water on."

Alice took her bag and went back to the table at the back of the classroom. Calandra took her cauldron down from the shelf and set it up on the table. She'd read over this potion a few days ago. She knew she needed a pint of water and bloodroot but couldn't remember what else. She opened her textbook and flipped the right page.

She waved her wand and said "Aquamenti". Water filled the bottom of the cauldron. That was such a handy spell for potions. She and Alice had practiced it for two days before they got it right. She made a couple notes on her parchment and looked to see where Alice was.

Alice was gathering ingredients at the table, her textbook propped open on one arm. Calandra moved to get up and help her when Alice turned back and levitated the ingredients back to the table.

"We have most of the things in our kits," she said when she got back. "I only had to get a few things."

Calandra nodded and lined everything up. Alice lit a fire with her wand, and they set to mincing Valerian roots and shredding Skullcap.

"Why were you almost late?" Alice asked as she used a dropper to add fluxweed oil to the cauldron.

Calandra rolled her eyes and said, "Marty Gregors wouldn't leave me alone."

She crushed the insides of her bloodroot stem. She dumped them in the cauldron and peered at her notes to check the direction she should stir the cauldron. Alice beat her to it, using her wand to mix the ingredients.

"Ooh," Alice wiggled her eyebrows. "Do tell."

"Nothing really to tell." she said.

She pointed to the cauldron with one hand, lining up Asphodel and Peppermint on the table with the other.

"You'll want to add in some counterclockwise stirs. You're supposed to alternate them." Calandra said.

"He just wanted me to help him with transfiguration."

She added her Valerian root when she saw steam.

Alice snorted. "Yeah, right."

Calandra handed her the next ingredient.

"What do you mean?"

Alice dumped in the pollen and stirred her wand around three times and held up a finger.

"Hold on. We're supposed to be concentrated and calm when we do this, I don't want to have to write out homework for this."

They spent a good portion of class adding in the rest of the ingredients, carefully watching the fire and stirring in a clockwise motion. They breathed a sigh of relief when it flashed bright blue and added in their Hyacinth flower.

"You keep it steeping, I'll go get the frog slime." Alice said and walked over to the terrariums.

Calandra looked around the classroom. Everyone was doing pretty well today. No explosions, nothing was boiling over, no one's eyes had bulged out of their head or had their hair turn white; a pretty good day. Especially since James Potter and Sirius Black were at the table directly in front of them; mayhem seemed to follow those two like Bowtruckles on a Wiggentree. She made a note to catch Potter as class ended to tell him about Marty. He'd whine about it, but he owed her.

Alice came back and added the frog slime. Calandra tossed in her peppermint leaf.

"Ok," Alice said, turning to her. "We should be good now; we just have to make sure everything incorporates."

"Care to elaborate on your earlier statement, then?" Calandra said cleaning up the scraps of ingredients on the table.

"Marty is probably at the top of his class in transfiguration." Alice said. "He obviously just wanted to spend time with you. What did you say to him?"

"I told him I didn't have time today to help him." She watched the potion start to thicken. "Then I told him I'd get Potter to help him with his transfiguration."

Alice snorted in laughter just as someone said "Hey!"

She looked up to see that Potter had spun around on his stool and was giving her a reproachful look.

"Where do you get off going around offering my services to people?" He demanded.

"Eavesdrop much, Potter?" she shot at him.

He ignored her.

"Well, you do owe her for getting you out of detention with Professor Lofton." Alice pointed out, pouring in the last ingredient. "But don't worry, I'm sure you won't actually have to help him. He's quite good at transfiguration. He was just looking for a reason to spend time with Callie."

"You don't know that." Calandra said to Alice darkly.

"Anyone with eyes can see that the Hufflepuff fancies you, White." Black spoke up, stirring his potion lazily. "He's always asking for help with homework, following you to the library, always turning up like a sore thumb whenever you're around."

Calandra rolled her eyes and filled a vial with her potion. She took it up to the front of the classroom and waited in line to give it to Slughorn.

"Funny you should describe Marty like that, Black." Alice said.

He looked up from putting a stopper in his vial.

"Why's that?"

"Sounds an awful lot like you." Alice said raising her eyebrows.

He looked up toward the line in front of Slughorn and back to Alice. He gave her a wink and went to hand in his potion.


	16. Chapter 16

October 23, 1975

As if her day couldn't get any more aggravating. She'd spilled an entire ink pot in her potions cauldron and had to start from scratch. She knew she wouldn't have had anything to hand in at the end of class if it hadn't been for Lily helping her out. She got stuck in that stupid step on the staircase. Johan, her father's owl, hadn't returned with a response from home, and now she had to partner up with Remus Lupin and James Potter in transfiguration.

That in of itself wouldn't have normally been so bad. She and Remus got along fine and always had a good time together. They'd become good friends in the past year. She didn't usually mind being partnered with Potter in McGonagall's class either, he was top of the class in transfiguration. He could do the work with his eyes closed, but his eyes weren't the problem. His mouth was. She never thought she'd live to see the day where she would want him to talk. They'd probably already be done with the assignment if he would just open his mouth!

It had been three weeks since he and the others started that godforsaken vow of silence. Three weeks of having to wait for them to write answers to everyone's questions on those stupid floating parchments they enchanted to follow them everywhere.

She banged her head on the table as she heard the quill scratch.

"I'm sorry." she heard a voice on her right.

Calandra turned to Remus, who was apparently the only halfway sane one in that bunch.

"Why? Just why?" She groaned

He chuckled. "You'll have to ask them that, I don't know what the excuse for today is"

She rolled her eyes. The last four excuses his friends had given for not speaking were:

Protesting against unjust school rules (as if they cared what the rules were in the first place)

Their mothers told them if they didn't have anything nice to say they shouldn't say anything at all (given while standing in front of a bunch of Slytherins...so ...fair enough)

They'd all come down with some sort of laryngitis (as if Madam Pomphrey couldn't cure that in a second)

Someone had hexed their mouths shut (that one sounded true...she wished she'd have thought of it)

"And why aren't you a part of this newest cult?" She asked him, giving him a frank look.

"Because I'm not insane." he said with a smile.

"Ugh, you still live with them...just give it time. I'm sure it'll rub off on you," she rubbed her temples, the quill still scratching to her left grating on her nerves.

"Please. For the love of everything magic! It was a simple question. You don't have to write a book!" she turned to her left.

Potter scowled at her and continued writing. His glasses slipped down his nose and he pushed them up with the back of his hand. She sighed and looked up at the next table where Mary sat.

God help her, Mary had to deal with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. At least Calandra could talk to one of her partners...Mary was stuck with two silent idiots. Well, Black was actually quite good at transfiguration. So, one silent idiot and one silent prat.

A parchment rattled and shook in front of her. She looked up to find Potter shaking it at her face

"Finally." she muttered.

He made a face at her.

Well. Well, well, well. Potter really was hiding quite the brain under that nest he called hair. He had pretty much everything finished. At least the theoretical components. She continued to read the parchment, making her own notes as she read. The formulas were where she stopped.

"Ok. So, your points on transfigurative theory are correct." Calandra said, scanning the page.

He smirked and took a bow

"But listen, you're talking about transfiguring items into 'existence' here," she pointed to his parchment with one hand and held up a finger to her right with her other as Remus drew a breath, "figure of speech Lupin, I know Gamp's Law."

She looked at Potter. He arched a brow as if to say, _"Well yes, we are in transfiguration."_

She went on, "We're supposed to be vanishing them."

Potter raised his eyebrows, shook his head, and held out his hands in exasperation.

"They're crabs." She shook her hands in his face. He just blinked at her.

Calandra turned towards Remus.

"They're exoskeletons. We can't approach it like invertebrates or even regular vertebrae." She said.

"It isn't as simple as inverting the conjuring formula." Remus mused.

He smiled and looked up at Potter.

"She's right, mate" he said laughing.

Potter snatched the parchment back out of her hands and started scribbling on it, marking things out, and looking up a reference in his textbook.

"I think if we start with more power behind the wand it would work. Then as we get to the less complex parts of the crab, we use less force..." she trailed off as she worked out a few formulas on her parchment.

"You know...it may be better to keep the force the same but change the concentration." Remus sat forward showing her an excerpt from their transfiguration book, "see here, it says that constant force always results in-"

The book was pushed out of his hands as Potter plopped between them shaking his head vigorously from side to side.

He slapped the parchment down on the table and pointed at the bottom.

"Both of them?" Remus asked. "It won't make it too unstable?" He reached for a textbook to look up something.

Potter shook his head and pointed again

"Not if they're both used at the same pace... we incrementally lower the force we use and our concentration...hmm." Calandra spoke up from where she was reading over Potter's shoulder.

James smiled and nodded, then held his hand up with his finger and thumb barely apart.

"Just slightly?" Calandra said. "That makes sense."

Potter scribbled a formula and pointed to the outcome. It would work.

"Mmhmm, wow. Nice one there, mate." Remus said clapping him the back.

"Now go tell your friends." Calandra said handing him the parchment.

He looked affronted.

"Don't look at me like that. This is Peter's worst subject and Black is trying to be nonchalant about his formulas not working out."

Potter glanced up at his friends. Black marked something out on his parchment and propped his feet up on a chair; the picture of casual indifference. When he picked up the spell book and started leafing through it, his hands moved slowly but his eyes searched the pages quickly for something. Peter was chewing on his nails as he looked up theories on wand movement. Mary was diligently working through formulas.

Potter screwed up his lip in a half smile half grimace.

"Go on. The class is hard enough when you can talk to your partners and Mary's stuck with two she can't talk to. Stop being a prat long enough to let your decency show then you can go back to being yourself." she nudged him.

He sighed and shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip as he pushed his chair back and walked up to the group to show them what they'd found.

"I know you know why they're doing it." Calandra said looking at Remus.

His shoulders hunched, and he drew a breath.

"I don't pretend to know why they do a lot of things they do." Remus shook his head.

"Yeah, well. I'm not talking about their psychology...that's a dark path I don't have the time or the energy or the desire to go down." she shuddered, and he laughed. "I'm talking about what they're up to."

She looked up at him and he glanced at her. "It's their secret"

"Mmhmm, just theirs? Or maybe a little of yours as well?" she asked.

He looked up at her sharply and she went on.

"I'm not going to pry; I don't really need to know. I've known you all long enough to know you're in the thick of whatever it is they're doing, though. Just let me know if you need any specific books from the library. I help Madam Pince sort on Thursdays."

She winked and grabbed her wand, turning to the crab in front of her.

* * *

October 27, 1975

"BLACK!" her voice bellowed through the common room.

Heads shot up to the top of the stairs that led up to the girl's dormitories. A couple of first years ran off to their rooms. Calandra emerged and stomped down the stairs, Dorcas and Alice following behind her with wide eyes and smiles on their faces.

"I KNOW IT WAS YOU!" she roared looking around the room for a pair of grey eyes or dark hair. He wasn't there.

She stormed up the staircase to the boys' room and flung the door open. Everyone in the room jumped except Sirius Black. Pettigrew drew the curtains around his bed, peering out from behind them. Potter jumped up and held a jumper to his bare chest giving her an angry glare. Frank Longbottom fell off of Remus's bed at the same time Remus grabbed his wand. Black lounged back on his bed, his shirtsleeves rolled up at the elbows and his tie hanging loosely around his neck, as if he were in the middle of getting dressed for the day and decided to go back to bed instead.

"Oh," Remus said, lowering his wand. "Hi, Callie."

"Bloody Hell, White! What do you think you're doing?" Frank exclaimed rubbing his shoulder where he bruised it when he fell.

Alice and Dorcas clapped hands over their mouths to keep from laughing.

"I know it was you!" she fumed at Black.

"Now see here," Frank stood up. "You can't just barge in here, like that. What if we'd been indisposed?"

Potter, who had finally managed to pull his jumper over his head, nodded fervently. She ignored them and walked over to the end of Black's bed. She held up a piece of parchment and shook it at him. He grinned up at her, eyes laughing.

"What's that?" Remus asked.

"This is a love poem. Written to Barnaby Fitz. In my handwriting." She bit out.

"The Ravenclaw chap?" Frank asked. "The one with the all that curly blonde hair?"

"Yes," she said angrily, still looking at Black.

She threw the letter on the bed and Frank grabbed it. He held it up to read it and Remus stood to peer over his shoulder. Both their eyes grew wide and Frank threw his head back and laughed.

"Well, I can't say I'd ever imagine you going after a bloke like that, but good on you making the first move."

"I didn't make any move," she spat. "I didn't write it and I didn't send it."

She turned and stalked back to where her friends stood in the doorway. She reached out her hand and Dorcas held out the other piece of parchment. Calandra grabbed it but Dorcas didn't release it.

She flicked her eyes over to Black's bed and whispered, "Hit him where it hurts. He can't fight back that much if he won't talk." She had wicked gleam in her eye.

Calandra looked at her friend and smiled a slow smile. She turned and walked back into the room. Potter had joined Frank and Remus and his eyes ran over the page they were holding. Peter still clutched his bed curtains to his face. Black was sitting up on the edge of his bed now, lazily tying his tie. He smirked at her.

"So now you've all read it, you want to see Barnaby's response?"

All their heads shot up. She shoved the parchment at them as she watched Black's eyes narrow. He watched the other three reading the parchment and scowled when he saw their mouths drop.

"He's quite forward isn't he?" Remus said rubbing the back of his neck.

Black stood up and stalked over to them grabbing the paper and reading it.

"I thought so, too." She said crossing her arms. "You, know I'd never given him much thought before but after reading that I have to say…I might take him up on the offer."

She watched Black's nostrils flare.

Frank guffawed, "You mean you're going to meet him in a broom closet for a snog?"

She took a step forward, standing right in front of Black.

"It's on the table. But you know, he's a couple years older than me. Probably has more experience."

Black crumpled the paper in his hands as he glared at her. Dorcas was right on the money.

"What say you give me a bit of practice before I go meet up with Barnaby, Black?"

She reached out and twirled his tie around her finger. Dorcas let out a satisfied bark of laughter behind her. Black's mouth fell open.

"Seems like I walked in on you all over the place this past year with desperate witches, you might be up to the task."

She raised an eyebrow and went in for the kill.

"But, then again, maybe you're just all talk…and no tongue."

She felt his hand brush her arm, then Potter pulled him back. He glared at her and turned to Black, pushing him out of the room and shaking his head vehemently. Remus laughed behind them. Black was throwing his hands up and Potter was still shaking his head, violently squinting his eyes, and mouthing something to him. He pushed Black between the two girls in the doorway and toward the stairs.

She smirked at them as they disappeared from sight, and said loudly, "See you later boys, I've got an engagement I just can't miss."

She walked out of the dorm between her two friends and smiled to herself. Served him right for everything he'd done to her.

Alice and Dorcas followed her back to the common room. The portrait was just closing. They dissolved into laughter as they collapsed on one of the couches.

"I wish I had a camera. I'd love to have a picture of the face he made when you told him that." Alice laughed.

Dorcas gave her a shrewd look, "I didn't know if you were quite following me there for a moment, you were so angry. But I have to say, you really gave it to him."

"Serves him right." Calandra said, feeling satisfied. "Someone needed to take him down a peg or two."

"Ohh, I'd say you took him down more than that," Alice said smiling. She looked over at Calandra and asked, "You're not really going to go meet Barnaby in the broom closet, are you?"

"No," she said laughing. "I've no desire to go meet Barnaby Fitz in a broom closet, or anywhere for that matter."

"I read the letter," Alice raised her eyebrows. "It _was_ quite forward."

"I know," Calandra admitted. "I thought Black chose him because he'd be sure to turn me down, probably in the great hall or something. I thought he…you know…didn't like girls."

Dorcas dissolved into laughter, "He doesn't!"

"What?" Calandra asked.

"Dorcas you need to read the letter. It's obvious he does." Alice said.

"No, I can assure you, he doesn't" Dorcas said, laughing madly. "He came up to me when I saw him in the library. He knew we were friends. Asked me how to let you down gently; he really is quite nice. He showed me the letter and I told him I'd take care of everything for him."

"You wrote the letter!" Calandra exclaimed. "The one from Barnaby?"

"You're welcome," she laughed. "Look at how sweet your revenge was."

The girls looked at each other for a moment and then all three burst into laughter.

* * *

October 28, 1975

"Callie!" Alice's voice rang out through the common room.

Calandra looked up from her perch on the windowsill to find her friend rushing toward her, flapping a handful of papers through the air.

"Look what Johnathon just gave me!" she said, excitedly.

Alice shoved one of the papers at Calandra's face. It was a flyer for a concert. Santana would be at Edinburgh this month. Calandra looked up at Alice. Her friend's face was shining, and she was bouncing on her feet.

"It's a concert." Alice explained. "A muggle one."

"I know." Calandra said. "Paul has his record."

"Yeah!" Alice said. "And it's on a Hogsmeade weekend."

"Ye-es." Calandra said slowly.

"So, we can sneak out and go!" Alice said.

"What?" Calandra laughed.

"We can go!" Slice repeated. "We go to Hogsmeade then come back to the castle, that way Filch counts us and tells McGonagall we're here. Then we sneak out. We can't be that far from Edinburgh. We'll fly."

"Alice." Calandra shook her head. "Are you insane? Have you even been to Edinburgh?"

"Yes!" Alice said. "My mother's best friend lives there. I know exactly where it is. I can find it."

"Ok. Say we go. Say we actually find the place and don't get lost in the mountains. What if we get caught? We could be expelled. I don't want to have to go home." Calandra said.

Alice snorted and waved a hand at Calandra.

"Please. You think we'd get expelled. Neither of us have ever even gotten a detention. They'd make us write lines or clean the potion's lab for a week." Alice said.

Calandra looked down at the flyer in her hand. She looked back up to Alice, whose face was beaming with hope. Calandra slowly nodded and smiled.

"You'll have to get brooms for us." She said.

Alice squealed and wrapped her arms around Calandra.

"Leave it to me!" she said and waved her hands in excitement. "I'm going to a concert!"

* * *

October 30, 1975

Calandra tilted her telescope towards the sky. She made a note on her parchment on the position of the Pisces constellation and rifled through her textbook. Astronomy was one of her favorite classes. She didn't care very much for the text; it was quite boring, and she just couldn't bring herself to care all that much to read it. But she loved the practical lessons. The magical telescopes allowed her to see so much more detail than a normal, muggle telescope would.

Professor Darwish had assigned them constellation mapping tonight. It was a bit difficult, sometimes the stars seemed to all run together, but Calandra really enjoyed it. It was like a puzzle, where you had to connect the dots to find out what was hidden in the stars. She trained her telescope a little toward the left of Pisces and peered through once more. She felt a nudge on her foot and looked down from the telescope.

Sirius Black sat next to her; his telescope perched by his side. She gave him a tight smile and went back to the assignment. A tap on her shoulder made her look up. He pointed to the telescope and shook his head. Calandra bit back a groan. What now?

Black pointed up to the sky and tilted his head back. She followed suite and looked upwards. Stars in the night sky twinkled at her. She looked back at him and nodded, confused, then readjusted her telescope. She heard an exasperated sigh and a tug on her robes.

"What?" she asked. "I know there are stars. I'm trying to do the assignment."

He shook his head and flicked his wand toward that blasted floating piece of parchment at his shoulder. She watched the quill dart across the page and come to a stop. He held the parchment out to her, and she read it.

_It's better to look at the whole sky. Easier to pick out the constellations._

She handed the parchment back.

"Thanks," she said. "But it's harder to pick out the specific stars we have to name that way."

He shook his head, then bent to scribble something on the parchment. She read over his shoulder as he wrote.

_Naming stars is easy once you've mapped them._

He lifted his wand and cast some sort of spell nonverbally. Calandra looked around. Nothing had changed. He gestured up to the sky with his other hand and she looked back up. Black pointed his wand up into the sky and a star glowed. He chose a different star and pointed his wand at it; it glowed as well. Several more stars glowed as he poked his wand at them, and he held up their Astronomy book.

Pisces glittered out of the page at her. She held the book and looked back up at the sky, where the stars shone unnaturally bright from the charm. She could see it very plainly now, the three smaller stars in line next to the two large ones. Black pointed a finger to a word that was bolded on the page. Alpherg. He pointed back up to the sky and held his hands up as if asking a question. She studied the constellation in the book and then pointed to the second largest star glowing in the sky. He nodded and smiled at her.

"Thanks!" she softly exclaimed. "Can I do all of them like that? With my wand?"

He nodded and waved his wand through the air above them, and the stars twinkled back to their normal brightness. Calandra looked down at the list of constellations they were supposed to be observing and labeling. She pointed to Lyra in the book and lifted her wand to the sky. She prodded her wand at the sky and five stars glowed. She looked back to Sirius and smiled.

"Did I get it?" she asked excitedly.

He held his finger and his thumb close together and pointed his wand up to the sky and prodded a star close to the others. He held up six fingers and smiled. She looked back up to the sky and drug her wand along the path the stars made, connecting them. The constellation shone down on them. She flipped to the next page in the book and labeled the constellation's stars on her parchment.

They went through two other constellations together. He pointed out other significant stars to her and she trained her telescope on different planets and moons to show him. Jupiter was her favorite and she spent about ten minutes telling him the differences between all the moons. Finally, Calandra read the last constellation on the page. She smiled and waved her wand to make the last set of stars turn back to normal.

"I can do this one by myself!" she said. "It's one of my favorites!"

He looked at her curiously as she pointed her wand upwards, dotting the sky with the Canis Major constellation. She turned back to him with a smile and raised her eyebrows.

"No mistakes on that one!" she said.

He shook his head and Calandra tilted her telescope back up to the sky. She spun it around until she found the constellation. The stars shone out from the inky black sky. She traced the pattern they made with her finger as she looked through the lens. Professor Darwish's voice announcing five minutes left of class time made her jump. She needed to finish her work.

She looked over to find Black still looking at her. She shot him another thankful smile and drew the book closer to her. She peered down at her parchment, scribbling names of stars from the previous constellation she'd forgotten to actually label. Calandra was just starting to label Canis Major when a finger tapped the page. She looked up to see Black smiling down at her from where he stood.

He tapped the page again. Calandra looked down to find him pointing at the brightest star in the Canis Major constellation. She looked up at him. He wiggled his eyebrows at her and gave her a wink, then turned and walked away.

She glanced down at the book and saw the names of the stars she was supposed to be labeling. Sirius; the brightest star of the lot. Professor Darwish asked them to duplicate their parchments and turn in one as the class assignment. Calandra turned hers in and waited for Alice. While she waited, she gazed up into the sky and found the constellation. Her eyes were drawn to the brightest star there. How fitting.


	17. Chapter 17

November 4, 1975

"You know, love, it would go a lot faster if you used your wand," a voice drawled out from the shelf behind her.

She rolled her eyes and without turning around said, "To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your opinion, Black. I thought you'd taken a vow of silence."

"I had; it was a month-long vow. Month's up." he leaned against a shelf and crossed his ankles.

"What, couldn't resist talking to yourself in the mirror everyday so you had to make it something easy?" She raised an eyebrow at him and said, "Next time give yourself a challenge and make it six months."

"You know you missed me," he said shaking his hair back. "You can go ahead and admit it, I won't tell anyone."

"Missed you?" she laughed an easy laugh. "I've had a whole month free of your voice."

She poked a finger into his chest and said, "Then you had to go and ruin it by opening that big mouth."

He grinned and said, "Ah, but how would we have such titillating conversations if I couldn't speak?"

"That's not exactly how I'd describe our conversations." Calandra replied.

"Well, what would you use to describe them?" he stood up straight and stepped closer to her. "Mesmerizing, perhaps," he grabbed a book from her hands and flipped through it, running his finger down a page. "Fascinating? Ooh, stimulating maybe?"

"Annoying mostly," she said as she set two books on the shelf.

"Mmm, keep telling yourself that," he said flipping the book shut.

"What do you want, Black?" She shot at him

"A book, White. What else would I be in the library for?" He drawled.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "Which book?"

"Jumping straight into I see," he shook his head. "Such a pity, warming up is the most fun."

"Well, seeing as you're impossible to warm up to, I find that getting straight to the point is the most painless way to deal with you. Which book did you want?"

"As much as I love the whole sexy librarian role play, love, I'm perfectly capable of finding my own book." he said twirling his wand.

"Good, go get it and leave me alone." she muttered and turned back to the shelves she was organizing.

"I'll be sure to stop back by the front desk when I find it, so you can...check me out." He said.

A wink and the flash of a smile and he was gone.

Calandra huffed a breath out and turned to get a few of the other books on the table. She leaned her back against the bookshelf. She thought it would be easier to deal with him now. She'd had a whole month to get his voice out of her head.

She shook her head and thought of her father. She wouldn't give anyone the power to break her like that. He was her friend, nothing more.

She grabbed her wand and sent the rest of the books flying into the shelves, she'd come back later and make sure they were in their proper place. She had promised Madam Pince she'd help her at the desk for a bit, organizing everything. She'd go do it now and leave before he'd have a chance to approach her again.

She grabbed her bag and walked up to the librarian. The woman gave her a stern and tight-lipped smile and handed her a stack of cards. She catalogued a few items and organized the desk while Madam Pince allowed students to check out books. She worked quickly and said a hasty goodbye to Madam Pince not even five minutes later.

Calandra grabbed her bag and the book she had borrowed and walked out the library doors. She'd managed to avoid him. That was good, she needed to put some distance between them. She headed towards Gryffindor tower lost in thought She'd almost made it to the final staircase when she heard a long low whistle behind her.

She turned and saw Sirius Black a few steps behind her. She rolled her eyes and kept walking. He closed the distance between them easily and fell into step beside her.

"You know," he said conversationally. "I had a mind to be upset when I saw you weren't at the counter. My ego took quite the blow."

She snorted, "I'm sure you'll recover fine."

She shoved her book down in her bag as they climbed the stairs.

"But really, I should thank you," he said giving her a wicked look. "As much as I'd have loved to have you check me out, I very much prefer checking _you_ out."

She stood stock still on the stairs staring after him as he walked the rest of the way up. He turned at the top and gave her a long appraising look before saying, "Well, look at that. I got you to check me out after all."

He disappeared into the portrait hole with a smirk and a wink. Calandra stared after him. Did he? Was he? No. No. He was an incorrigible flirt. Probably taking the piss with her.

* * *

November 10, 1975

A loud crash awoke her. Calandra startled, hitting her head against the windowpane. She'd fallen asleep in the common room, staring out of the window. She rubbed her head and looked around, sleepily.

A couch was overturned, and a coffee table flipped up on its end and the contents that were sitting on it lay strewn across the rug. James Potter lay panting, half in and half out of the portrait hole. She was just about to ask him what was going on when she did a double take. Right next to the jumbled furniture, a large black dog sat half covered in the rug.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and heard a loud bang and shuffling. She opened her eyes and looked back at the dog, but it was gone. What? Potter had made his way into the common room now and Peter Pettigrew was standing at the portrait hole. They both seemed ruffled and a bit out of breath.

"Hey, there Calandra!" Potter said jovially. "Lovely night, tonight isn't it?"

Pettigrew kept glancing up towards their dormitory.

"Did you sneak a dog in?" Calandra asked.

"A dog?" Potter asked. "I don't think dogs are on our approved pet list."

"No, did you sneak one in tonight?" she asked again.

"Me?" he intoned. "Sneak a dog in? That's not really the kind of prank I enjoy pulling, White."

"I saw a dog." She said firmly. "Just there." She pointed to the upended couch and coffee table.

Pettigrew bit his fingernail and said, "There's no dog there."

"I can see that, now. But there was one. Just a moment ago." She crossed her arms.

"You should probably go see Madam Pomphrey. You took a hard hit today in Defense Against Dark Arts." Potter said turning the coffee table back up on its legs.

A couple older students poked their heads out of their dorms. As soon as they saw no one was hurt and took in Potter and the furniture, they quickly went back to bed.

"Pete, help me with the couch, will you?" he asked. Pettigrew went over and helped him turn the couch right side up and they picked up the books and pillows that were scattered about.

"What was all that, then?" Calandra eyed the two of them.

"Just having a bit of a laugh." Pettigrew said.

"Dueling. It got a bit out of hand." Potter said. "Don't worry, we're cleaning it up."

"You're hiding something." Calandra said, narrowing her eyes at the two of them.

"I'm not hiding anything," Pettigrew said. "Goodnight."

He scurried up to his dormitory.

Potter followed his friend's movements with his eyes. He glanced back towards the portrait hole.

"Tell me the truth." Calandra stepped over to where Potter was standing. "Did you sneak a dog into Gryffindor Tower?"

"Look, White. I can honestly promise you I did not sneak a dog into the Gryffindor common room." Potter threw up his hands.

"Well, you weren't just dueling." She said.

"Lay off, White." Potter said, darting his eyes toward the stairs.

Calandra drew a breath to bite a retort back at him then stopped.

"Does all this have to do with Remus?" she asked.

Potter looked at her warily.

Calandra eyed him, too. His hair stuck up in all different directions, somehow messier than it usually was, and there was dirt smeared across his face. Whatever he'd been doing hadn't been very clean. Probably not very safe or in line with school rules either.

"I know." She said. "And I know he told you that I know. Is whatever you're doing going to get him hurt?"

"No!" Potter exclaimed.

They watched each other in silence.

"Ok, then." She stared at him for a moment longer. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"I think I'll do the same. Sweet dreams, White." Potter said picking up a stack of books and setting them on the coffee table.

"You should take a bath first, Potter, you smell horrendous." Calandra said as she walked up the stairs. She looked back and saw him sniff his jumper and recoil. She laughed softly as she pushed the door to her dorm room open.

* * *

November 16, 1975

"Come on!" a small voice cried out somewhere close to the quidditch pitch. Calandra squinted her eyes, trying to see what was going on.

"Give it back!" the voice pleaded. "Please!"

Calandra strode quickly to the pitch and looked around. A small boy in Ravenclaw robes was jumping up and down, trying to reach a broom that Evan Avery held over his head. Avery had his wand trained on the young boy's feet, shooting jets of light at his shoes while laughing. The young boy squealed in pain as one of the sparks hit his leg.

"Stop it!" She said furiously.

Avery's head popped up.

"Give his broom back to him!" Calandra said, pointing her wand toward Avery.

Avery glanced at the boy, then back to Calandra. He held the broom aloft but stopped cursing and hexing the boy's feet. The boy stood off to Avery's side, rubbing his leg and looking up at his broom.

"Why should I do that?" Avery asked.

"Because if you don't, I'll hex you to next Tuesday." Calandra growled.

"I'd like to see you try. White right?" Avery sneered.

"Put the broom down and I'll show you." she retorted.

Avery rolled his eyes and shoved the broom at the young boy, knocking him down.

"Beat it kid." He said and turned to face Calandra.

The boy grabbed his broom and looked up at Calandra with big, frightened eyes. He scrambled to his feet and gathered all his things. He turned and fled from the quidditch pitch and Avery laughed at his retreating figure.

"Don't even think about it." Calandra said, sending a stinging jinx to Avery's wrist as he raised his wand toward the boy.

"Salazar's bollocks." Avery bit out, rubbing his hand. He wheeled around to her, furious.

She kept her wand trained on him as he took a step closer to her. She held her ground and stared him down. Avery's eyes glinted and his face contorted in an awful smile. If she hadn't been expecting it, she'd have never caught the slight flick of his wrist as he sent a hex her way.

She deflected it and sent out a jelly legs jinx. Avery sidestepped it and threw a body binding curse her way. He missed and she laughed. Calandra jerked her wand through the air and sent a tapdancing hex at him. Avery jumped over the bolt of light and growled. He jabbed his wand forward and a bolt of dark sparks shot out at her. She ducked and sent a leg binding curse toward him.

He struggled as large ropes appeared out of thin air and tied his feet together. He stumbled and fell, cursing. She laughed and he looked up, furious. She saw him fling his wand and winced as something sliced her shoulder open. She silenced him and cast a immobilizing jinx at him.

Avery lay in a panting heap on the grass. Calandra wiped the sweat from her forehead and stalked over to him. She bent down low so that her face was inches from his and grabbed his wand.

"Remember that next time Avery, when you think you can best me."

Calandra threw his wand past the bleachers, turned on her heel, and walked off the pitch. She made a beeline for the bathroom as soon as she was in the school and took a look at her shoulder. A long gash jagged down her arm. Blood was oozing from the wound. She sighed and buttoned her shirt. She'd need to go to Madam Pomphrey. She caught a Slytherin first year and told him to go tell Slughorn one of his students was out at the Quidditch pitch, then headed to the infirmary.

She made her way to the hospital wing and assured Madam Pomphrey she felt fine, she just needed her arm healed. Madam Pomphrey fussed over her and gave her a potion, before training her wand on Calandra. She said healing incantations and pursed her lips when they didn't work. Madam Pomphrey gave Calandra a shrewd look, then turned back to the wound in front of her. She slathered on some green goo and went through another series of incantations before telling her to sit and rest while the goo did its job.

Calandra looked over at the bed next to hers and was surprised to see Peter Pettigrew. He lay with his foot bandaged and propped up on a stack of pillows. He had a nasty bruise on his cheek, and it looked like his nose had been bleeding and someone didn't quite clean it properly. It was a bit odd to see him there, all alone. His dorm mates usually made every step he did. He looked up from his book and gave her a friendly wave.

"Hey, White!" he grinned. "What are you doing here?"

She motioned to her shoulder, and the thick green paste on it.

"Dueled Avery on the quidditch pitch. Don't tell Pomphrey, though."

"Avery? Evan Avery?" Pettigrew wrinkled his forehead. "What were you doing around the likes of him?"

"He was being an absolute prat." She said, pulling a face. "Tormenting a second year. What's got you all torn up? Where's your mates?"

"Here and there." He said vaguely. "Sirius is in McGonagall's office. Remus is probably in the dorms. Want a chocolate frog?"

He tossed a box over to her, and she opened it up.

"You want the card?" she asked, taking a bite of chocolate.

"Nah," Peter said. "Give it to Longbottom. He uses them for target practice."

Calandra slipped the card in her pocket as Madam Pomphrey bustled back over. She checked Calandra's shoulder and gave her some bitter potion to drink. Then, with a wave of her wand, the green paste disappeared. Calandra looked down at her shoulder and saw a long white scar snaking its way down toward her arm. Madam Pomphrey pursed her lips and frowned at it.

"It will leave a scar, I'm afraid." She said disappointedly. "I've never come across anything like it before. It didn't take very well to my mending spells. Dittany seemed to work alright, though."

Madam Pomphrey gave her a look. Before the older witch could say anything else, Calandra hopped out of bed and gathered her things.

"Thanks so much for helping, Madam Pomphrey. I feel loads better."

Madam Pomphrey nodded and waved her away.

"See you around, Peter. Hope the leg feels better." Calandra said on her way out.

"Thanks, White! I'll be in tip top shape soon!"

* * *

November 20, 1975

Calandra and Alice were just passing the library when Calandra caught sight of a thatch of curly brown hair. She told Alice to wait for her outside the great hall and swung the library doors open. She gave Madam Pince a nod and went to the table next to the Magical Creatures section.

"Hey!" she said brightly. "Fancy going to Hogsmeade for lunch?"

Remus looked up from the parchment he was scribbling on. He glanced to his right and Calandra followed his gaze. James Potter and Sirius Black were watching Peter Pettigrew charm a quill to change colors. She rolled her eyes.

"Come on," she said. "They can survive without you for one day."

Remus scratched his temple.

"I'm not so sure that's true." he said with a laugh.

"My treat!" Calandra said giving him a look.

"What do you want?" he asked and looked at her suspiciously.

"Alice is going to meet Louis there and I refuse to be a third wheel to that." She shuddered. "Dorcas doesn't want to go and I don't know where the other girls are."

"Oi! White! Looking for a date?" James Potter must have heard their conversation. He sauntered over to where they stood.

"Not with you, Potter. Bugger off and let me talk to Remus in peace." She pushed him to the side and looked at Remus.

"So?" she asked.

Remus glanced at his friends, who had all come to stand next to them. He nodded to her.

"Yeah, sure. I'll go."

"Great!" Calandra smiled. "I'm meeting Alice outside the great hall. Want to walk down with us?"

Remus nodded.

"Sounds good." He said.

"Hear that, James?" Sirius nudged the other boy with his elbow. "Remus is abandoning us for a date. Maybe we should find a couple birds to accompany us to Hogsmeade."

Calandra rolled her eyes. Potter grinned and shook his head.

"I think I'll go stag." He said, laughing.

The rest of the boys shook their heads at him and laughed more than they should have. Sirius punched him in the arm and Peter lifted his eyes to the ceiling. Remus slung his school bag over his shoulder and turned to the others.

"I'm not abandoning you. Shove off, I'll see you tonight."

He nodded his head toward her, and they walked toward the library doors. Remus shot a glance over his shoulder and grimaced. Calandra looked back to see what had happened but only saw Peter Pettigrew talking with some Ravenclaw bloke. She felt something brush past her and found herself staring at the backs of James Potter and Sirius Black when she turned back toward the door.

"Enjoy your date." She heard one of them say, and they were gone.

* * *

November 20, 1975

Calandra and Remus walked back up the path to the castle, laughing together.

"How is it, that you managed to become a prefect?" she asked.

"I know how to be somewhat subtle." He said.

"No, you do not." Calandra contradicted, with a laugh. "You gave Johnson feathers right in front of McGonagall."

"Yeah, but James and Sirius are over the top with everything. Anything I do just kind of slides by." He laughed.

"That's evil!" Calandra said.

"It's called reading the room!" Remus said.

They filed in behind other students at the front of the castle. Filch scowled at them as they stomped the snow off their shoes and walked down the corridor. Peeves bounced off the wall, throwing snowballs down on all the students. One landed on Professor Sprout's hat and the students around her laughed as she shook snow on them.

Peeve's turned cartwheels in the air as he sang.

" _Fun with the kiddies, and a bit with old biddies._

_Peeve's a fine fellow, his snow's white and not yellow."_

"Peeves!" Filch roared. "Off with you! Stop that!"

He took his broom and swatted the poltergeist. Peeves cackled and dropped all the snowballs he held in his arms right on Filch. Filch sputtered and shook his head, furiously.

Peeves saluted Filch and continued singing.

' _Stop it, just stop it.' Old Filthy Filch said._

_Peevesy's a sport, sees he's all out of sorts._

_So, Peeves drops them on his head."_

Calandra and Remus skirted past the rest of the students and made their way up the tower to the fat lady's portrait. As they passed through the portrait hole, Calandra remembered her excursion with Alice planned for later that night. She pursed her lips and looked around the common room. She tapped Remus on the arm and gestured for him to lean in closer to her.

"If anyone asks," she said. "I'm having a late night in the library. I have to study."

He peered at her curiously.

"Ok…" he said. "Want to elaborate on that."

"Yes. Alice is going to study with me." Calandra said.

"Right." Remus said. "You and Alice, in the library, studying."

She nodded.

"Why do I feel like the library is the last place you'll be tonight?" Remus asked with a grin.

"I couldn't imagine." Calandra said breezily.

"Mmhmm."

"Well." Remus pulled a sweet from his pocket and popped it in his mouth. "You'll have to tell me all about your study session tomorrow. I'll save you a seat at breakfast."

Calandra winked at him and climbed the stairs to her dorm.


	18. Chapter 18

November 24, 1975

Calandra stared out of the window. Trees swayed in the forest and a shock of birds flew up into the sky. She tried to swallow but her throat was dry. She had woken up to a package from her father. She heard a door open and close, but didn't turn around. Someone was talking to her, but she just shook her head, grabbed the parchment attached to the parcel, and walked out of the room. She couldn't stand being inside, so she headed out.

It was early morning and, thankfully, there was no one outside. She headed straight past the groundkeeper's hut and down to the forest. She wanted to be alone. Calandra walked through the trees and sat herself on an old stump. She was far enough in the forest that no one would notice her but could still make out the words on the parchment from the faint rays of light peeking between the trees.

_It is time I took a more active role in proper society. I have neglected it for many years, but with hindrances out of the way we can move forward._

Her Father's words suffocated her. Hindrances. He meant her mother. Now that her mother was out of the way, like she was just some pesky little gnome he just had to clear out of a garden. She read the rest of the letter. Father wanted to make more connections with the pureblood society. He'd cultivated his business with them but wanted something more now that he didn't have her mother to be ashamed of.

He had sent her some books along with this letter. He explained that there were duties tied to them both now and she should learn of them and be knowledgeable about what was expected of her. She didn't need to read the books to know that meant marrying some pureblood ponce and producing and heir to carry on the lineage, preferably without her ever revealing the fact that her ancestors were Sirens.

Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he just ignore her like he'd been trying so hard to do for the past sixteen years? If he hated her and was so ashamed of her why did he want to be associated with her now?

She heard a rustling and looked up. An animal moved through the trees. Calandra caught a glimpse of antlers and breathed a sigh of relief; not dangerous. She got up anyway and left the shadow of the forest. She needed to go get her schoolbag and head to breakfast. She was trudging her way toward the entrance when a flurry of feathers accosted her.

Johan flapped and landed on her shoulder. Calandra reached up and ran a hand over him and untied the roll of parchment from his leg. He gave a soft hoot and pushed off her shoulder into the sky. Another message from her father. She ripped the tie off the parchment and unfurled the page.

_If your actions are not satisfactory, I am sure I could secure a passage to the Black Sea. A few of my associates have told me of Durmstrang Healers who are quite adept at experimental procedures. Perhaps we should arrange an appointment to relieve you of your burden?_

Her blood ran cold. He wouldn't do that to her would he? Send her off to let them experiment on her? She could've slapped herself. Of course he would. There really wasn't any doubt. She stared at the paper in her hands and watched it burst into flames.

She made her way mindlessly up to the owlry. She scribbled a reply to her father and somehow ended up back in her dormitory. For the life of her she couldn't remember how. She lay on her bed fully clothed and stared at the ceiling. It could've been for three seconds or three days for all she knew. Someone came and pried her fingers away from the parchment in her hand and laid a blanket over her. She went to sleep looking up at the grey ceiling and dreading the dreams she knew she'd have.

* * *

November 25, 1975

She sat silently beside Alice at lunch the next day, looking at her plate but not really seeing it. People laughed and talked around her, but she couldn't bring herself to join them. Her responses to Dorcas and Lily were brief and automatic when they tried to include her in their conversations. Soon the meal was over, and the plates cleared, but she hadn't touched a thing.

She stood up when Alice did and followed her to the greenhouse for Herbology. She sat next to Alice and some Ravenclaw boy whose name she didn't know. Mercifully, Professor Sprout didn't really make them work in groups. Each table had a plant and they had to sketch and label it, but that was it. She didn't have the energy to work with anyone.

She pulled out a parchment and a piece of charcoal she used to sketch with. It felt foreign in her hand. She stared at the plant specimen on the table in front of her. It was a good-sized thing. Long, yellow tendrils stood tall and curled at the ends. Small leaves sprang from the base of the plant in many different colors; red, purple, blue, and green.

She looked down at the parchment and rubbed the charcoal across it. She worked slowly, her hands feeling numb. Professor Sprout came to check on them and seemed surprised she was still sketching when most other people had moved on to labeling their drawings. She'd barely written the last letter of _glastiomal leaf_ when they were dismissed.

She was exhausted. All she wanted to do was go to bed. She sighed and walked up to the castle, following the others down the corridor to Muggle Studies. She often wondered why she took this class. She knew more about muggles than most wizards, having lived like one for twelve years. But there was something about it that made her feel at peace. Like she already knew the ending to a book. No matter how many twists and turns the story took, she knew how it ended.

She sat down in a chair at the back of the classroom but couldn't bring herself to listen. She stared at the desk in front of her until class was dismissed. Someone helping her scoot her chair back finally jolted her out of her stupor. She nodded at whoever it was and left the classroom, not stopping until she reached her dorm.

* * *

November 30, 1975

The sun glinted off the lake. Soft waves lapped at the shore and for a moment Calandra wanted nothing more than to fling herself into the water and sink to the bottom. She sighed and settled for sticking her feet into the shallows along the edge of the lake. Her feet floated in the water, feeling strangely light in comparison to the book that seemed to weigh her lap down.

It was one of the books her father had sent. A small gray book full of "qualities" that were important if one wanted to "secure a bright future in the wizarding world." Just as she'd guessed, it was all about arranged marriages, pureblood etiquette, and different lineages.

She really could not care less. It wasn't as if she'd ever need to know anything in the book. She'd never be marrying into pureblood aristocracy. She'd take out space in the Daily Prophet advertising the fact that she was a Siren before she'd let him trap her in a box like her mother.

She thought back to his message and frowned. She had to make it another year. She was sixteen, so just one more year and she'd be of age and he couldn't do anything to her. She could play his game for a year. Accompany him to societal functions and let him introduce her to his business partners' sons. She could do that for a year. Then she'd be rid of him forever.

Or would she? Did he have some other way of keeping his claws in her? What was the end game? Why was he so horrible? Why did her mother love him? Why did her mother leave Calandra with him? Why didn't she stay?

Calandra wiped angry tears from her eyes and stood up. The book fell from her lap and she stared down at it. The pages flipped in the wind and fell on the page that spoke of betrothals, dowries, and bride prices. She picked up the book and flung it as far into the lake as she could.

* * *

December 1, 1975

"I've tried," Calandra heard a whisper from behind the bookshelf.

She stared at the book on the table. She and Alice had come here to do homework. Well, Alice had come and Calandra had followed. The voices continued.

"I read it…felt awful about it, but….never seen her like this. Not even…..mother"

She let the bits of conversation wash over her. Listening to the voices but not really hearing them. She felt frozen, chilled over.

Someone let out a whistle. Madam Pince wouldn't be happy. Calandra heard footsteps.

"Wanted to ask…..about…still partners?"

A boy answered the question. She knew the voice but couldn't seem to care about matching it to a face.

"…No, I've noticed as well….."

"Worried…..don't think…"

"Not eating anything….."

" _Anything?"_ a different voice.

Someone shushed them. Probably Madam Pince. The voices continued murmuring and she rested her head on her hand. The voices swam in her head, round and round and round. All she wanted to do was float away with them.

* * *

December 3, 1975

Calandra felt tears and laughter bubbling up inside of her; the first time she'd felt anything other than numb in three or four days. The bag of crisps lay in her lap. She'd almost been reduced to tears by a bag of crisps! What had she come to? She held the bag in both of her hands and just stared at it. Her mother's favorite flavor. How did he know?

"Practicing your nonverbals, White?" came a voice from the stairs.

"Something like that." She wiped her eye. "What are you doing up so late?"

"Couldn't sleep."

Sirius Black plodded down the stairs and threw himself on the other end of the couch. He propped his legs up on the table in front of them. Calandra watched him, wondering how he managed to keep himself so unrumpled and put together when he did everything with Potter, whose uniform was perpetually wrinkled or untucked and was about as graceful as a baby Nogtail?

"What's all that?" he waved his hand to her lap.

She smiled and held up the crisp packet.

"Late night snack?" he asked.

"A gift, actually," she said holding up the note.

He raised his eyebrows and she handed it to him.

"They didn't sign it." He said reading the small scrap of paper.

"Nope," she said. "Just 'Hope You Enjoy.' That was it."

He looked over at her a bit hesitantly and held up the note, "You know…. Maybe I shouldn't say anything, but this handwriting….it's-"

"Remus's." she cut him off. "I know. I've been partners with him long enough in Runes to recognize it."

He nodded and handed the note back to her.

"Wish he'd extend the courtesy to his mates. He knows my favorite snack is Caramel Cobwebs." he groaned and turned his head to her. "What finally brings you back to life?"

She held up the crisps and gave a half smile.

"These really. I've been feeling a bit down the past few days. These always chirp me up." She opened the bag and crunched a crisp.

"Want one?" she held the bag out to him.

"Oh, sure. Thanks." He took one and popped it in his mouth. "Why these? Why not sugar quills or nougats?"

"They make me happy." she said simply. "Picking out crisps with my mother when we went to the supermarket were some of the happiest times of my childhood."

She tucked her feet up on the couch and reached into the bag.

"We'd pick out a new packet each time, then we'd share them on the drive home in the car. I used to wish I could live in that supermarket forever or that the road home would never end, and we could keep driving and eating our crisps together." She gazed at the fire.

"But we always went home." she said softly, holding the bag out to him again.

"I have to say," she said taking another bite. "Crisps are one area where the magical world disappoints me. There's nothing that compares here."

She stood up and held the bag out to him. "Here, you can have the rest. As a thank you."

"For what?" he asked, looking up at her.

She smiled and tapped her wand to the note she'd stuck back on the bag. The letters slowly changed into a different script.

"I recognize your handwriting, too." She turned and walked up the stairs to her room.


	19. Chapter 19

December 5, 1975

"You never just unwind and have fun." Lily admonished from the end of her bed.

"You're a right one to talk." Calandra replied sipping her butterbeer.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily demanded

"Oh, please. Ms. I have prefect duty, I have homework, I have to go to the library, I have a wand so far up my- Hey!" she cried as a pillow hit her smack in the face.

Lily giggled and rolled her eyes, "Ok, ok. I get it, but I've been slowly relaxing about it all and I think you should, too."

Calandra rolled her eyes and said, "If you'd have paid attention the past few years, you'd realize that I've been relaxing and having fun all along." She finished off her butterbeer, set the bottle down on the floor, and rolled over on her back.

"We just have different ideas of fun," she said staring at her friend upside down. "Your version is brewing a thousand different potions and hanging out with Sni- with Snape. And my version of fun is normal things. Going to Hogsmeade, pranking Peeves, playing music, tossing Winged Puffwods off the astronomy tower with Alice, practicing dueling, turning Slytherin Quidditch team's hair pink."

"That was you?" Lily cried. "I thought it was Black and Potter."

"Yeah, well. I had a bit of help. I'm not on the bloody quidditch team, now am I?" Calandra retorted.

"O.K. so you're not a stick in the mud, I concede." Lily smirked. "Now will you come out and celebrate with all of us? Everyone is out there, and no one is being obnoxious or anything. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"And by no one, you mean James Potter?" she gave her a pointed look as she sat up and dangled her feet off the edge of her bed.

"Ha, ha." Lily pulled a face. "I'm serious, Calandra it'll be fun, and we all need a bit more fun in our life right now."

Calandra sighed and looked around the room. She'd hardly left it for the past three days. She'd just been going through the motions. Her mother wouldn't want her to live like this. Last night had been the push she needed to snap out of the fog she'd been walking around in.

"Last chance to come with me, before Alice comes for you." Lily quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Fine, fine, I need another butterbeer anyways." Calandra huffed and stood up.

Lily stepped over to her and ran her hands up and down her arms.

"We'll have fun tonight. I promise." She said, then grinned. "Five galleons says you won't join us on the dance floor."

Calandra laughed and hit Lily's arm.

The common room was much like it was during any other celebration. Food and drinks spread out on tables by the wall, Johnathon in the corner with his gramophone, streamers and glitter everywhere, and all the Gryffindors reveling in their celebration.

She smiled. She was back among the living.

Lily steered her over to Mary and Dorcas by the food table. Dorcas poured them all a shot of firewhiskey and they toasted the night. Calandra waved her wand and they immediately refilled. She downed another and refilled the glasses twice more. She was usually the one to keep an eye on Alice when drinking, but Alice had already told her she'd be staying sober that night and to let loose. Calandra would take her up on it this once. She was ready to drown her father out any way she could.

Calandra grabbed a glass and held it out to Dorcas who was holding a bottle of some sort of rum.

"If you want to remember tonight you better go easy there." a voice warned.

She turned to see Alice. Speak of the devil.

"That would be true if I were a lightweight like yourself." Calandra joked. "I learned the art of drinking my peers under the table from the best teacher out there. Being the sole disappointment of a bitter father."

Calandra turned to Lily.

"Right, I want those galleons, come dance with me Evans."

"I'll make it ten if you sing, too." Lily said, laughing. "You can hit the high notes in Bohemian Rhapsody. We'll be a regular duet."

Calandra glanced at Alice and saw her almost imperceptible nod. The music was loud, and she could mute her voice and she was tipsy and for once in her life she wanted to just be herself without worrying about her stupid secret. If she was going to have to play her father's game, she wanted one night to just forget about him. Alice wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"You're on Evans!" she crowed and twisted her hair up with her wand.

She ran her hand across her throat murmuring muffling charms. Calandra looked over at Alice and saw that she had a huge smile on her face.

"Go." her friend said. "Go have fun."

She really loved Alice.

"You have the record for us Aster?" Lily called. Calandra took a sip of her drink.

"Try this one on for size ladies." Johnathon called as he set a record on the gramophone.

A cheer went up as the familiar strains of Queen filled the room.

Lily grabbed Calandra's hand and twirled her around.

They danced and sang along to the music in the crowded common room. Everyone was laughing and joking and dancing as best they could with so many people in one space. Lily waved to someone and the next time she twirled Calandra around she spun her until she was face to face with Remus.

She laughed and grabbed his hand. She knew what Lily was trying to do. It wouldn't work, but he was still one of her friends and he was fun. They laughed and danced a couple steps then she let go of him, spinning on her own straight into Dorcas.

She was tipsy and dancing and singing and she was happy. Lily grabbed her hand and sent her into a low dip, and they came up laughing. She spun Lily around and saw someone out of the corner of her eye.

Payback time.

She went over and grabbed Potter's hand and forced him off the couch he was sitting on. She danced with him leading him towards the others singing along to the music. She nodded her head to Lily and winked at him then spun him straight into her. They clashed together and held each other's arms to keep from falling over. She grinned at the two of them then stood off to the side sipping the drink she realized she'd never set down.

She was swaying along to the music when a hand reached out in front of her. She looked up to find a smiling Sirius Black. She laughed and set her drink down. She put her hand in his and danced through the crowd until the last notes of the song faded and he spun them around to flop down on the couch.

"I probably shouldn't have done that. I'll have an awful headache." She looked over at him with a huge smile on her face.

He looked amused and made a move to get up saying, "I'll go get you a potion."

"No," she said putting a hand on his arm. "No, not yet. I just want to sit here and be drunk and be happy."

"Fair enough," he laughed. "Although you know, it doesn't always work. I've tried, and tomorrow's never pretty."

"Yeah but seeing as I don't make this a regular occurrence, I think I can handle one night." She leaned her head back on the couch.

"You're probably right." he said, then raised his wand and cast a summoning spell.

"Have those words ever come out of your mouth before? Should I be worried about the castle crumbling? Sirius Black admitting I'm right!" she exclaimed sarcastically, her voice coming out in a croak.

"What's going on with your voice? Are you getting sick?" He asked.

"Oh no. I'm fine." She drew the wand out of her hair and said the counter spell, then suddenly raised her head up off the couch.

"Remus! My darling, my muse! Come sit with me." she called to the approaching wizard, patting the seat beside her.

He sat down and raised his eyebrows. Calandra laughed. She understood his surprise. She wasn't one to drink at school and she hadn't said more than ten words the past three days. Remus looked at Sirius over her head and he saw him shaking a hangover potion.

"You are a surprisingly good dancer!" Calandra hit his arm. "You should dance more often."

He chuckled and said, "I'm not really one for fancy footwork like your other dance partners."

He nodded towards Sirius.

"No, no. That's not what I mean. James dances exactly like you think he would, the big gangly thing he is, and Sirius here…well, he dances exactly how you think he would, too actually. Noble aristocrat he is. A dream leading you. But you," she wagged her finger at him. "Mr. I want to shrink in on myself don't look at me, you've got some moves."

Remus and Sirius laughed.

"I'll add that to my ever-growing list of capabilities." He said.

"Take out an ad in the Prophet mate, might find you a wife." Sirius said pouring a drink from an end table.

Remus just smiled and shook his head.

Calandra cocked her head and looked at him. Maybe he should do that. He deserved someone to share his life with.

Remus looked down at her and his brow furrowed.

"What are you thinking in that oversize brain of yours?"

"You should do that. If I saw it, I'd marry you." She said bluntly. Sirius jerked his head up from the glass he was holding.

Remus looked like he was trying to keep from laughing.

"Is this you proposing?" He asked, biting back a smile.

Calandra shot him a withering look.

"You don't love me." She said.

"You know I do." Remus replied, as if they'd had this conversation before. "You're one of my best friends."

"Yeah," Calandra replied. "I know, me too. But it's not like that is it?"

She grimaced.

"No, it's not." he replied looking amused.

He squeezed her hand then started to rise.

"You just wait Remus Lupin." She said as he got to his feet. "One day you're going to find a blushing bride who loves all the things on that list of yours, dancing included. And I'm going to tell you a big fat 'I told you so' when you do."

"I'll hold you to that." he grinned and made his way towards the dorms.

Sirius held out the glass he was holding. "Here, drink this. You'll feel better."

She recognized the purple liquid and sighed.

"Ahh, well. Has to come to an end sometime, right?" She said tilting the glass up to her lips.

He was silent for a bit as she finished the potion.

"Do you really wished he loved you?" he asked her, staring into her face.

"Remus?" she looked up in surprise. "Not especially. Sometimes I guess."

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"He deserves to be happy. He's my friend and a damn good person." She laid her head back against the edge of the couch again, "We're kind of even."

She looked over and saw his brow furrowed.

"He's had a shit time of it. He deserves a life full of happiness." She went on. "Sometimes, I wonder if he loved me, would it be enough to make me love him back? I'd probably marry him if it would work."

She looked up sadly, "It doesn't work like that though does it?"

"Not that I've seen, no." He agreed, then said, "It wouldn't be fair to you, though would it?"

"Life isn't fair." She said simply.

"Yeah, but wouldn't you want someone you didn't have to try to love?" He asked her.

"I never wanted to fall in love with anyone. That was never part of my plan." She replied closing her eyes.

She could feel the potion starting to take effect. She wouldn't have a hangover tomorrow, that was good.

"I'm guessing the plan went awry?" he said.

"Yeah, you could say that." she let out a laugh, which turned into a yawn.

They sat in silence for a few moments. She could feel herself falling asleep.

"Why not go after that bloke?" she heard him ask.

She let out a breath of laughter, and sleepily said "You don't look at me like that."

* * *

December 6, 1975

She woke up in her bed, around noon on Saturday and found Alice reading in an armchair beside her bed.

"She awakes!" Alice sang.

"She wants to go back to bed." Calandra said groggily.

"No, none of that. Get up and eat and you'll feel better. We've got to return all these library books today. You've been finished with them for days." She said handing her a plate of toast and eggs.

Calandra took a bite of toast. She really wasn't that hungry, but it was such a nice gesture on Alice's part.

She looked over at her friend and swallowed.

"Thanks for everything these past few days, and last night." She said. "I know it wasn't very smart of me, but I was just so tired of…just…everything."

Alice sat beside her on the bed and reached for her hand.

"I told you, I'd watch out for you. I'm glad you let loose a little. I watched you. You spelled your voice to hide it. You weren't too drunk. You know you're allowed to be young. I'm glad you're back to yourself."

"Me, too." She looked at her friend.

"My father wrote to me," she said.

"I know," Alice said. "I read the parchment. I'm really sorry, but I didn't know what was going on-"

"It's ok, I don't mind." Calandra waved her worries away. "That wasn't the only one, though."

Alice frowned and said, "There was only one in your hand."

Calandra nodded.

"I destroyed the other one…on accident."

She took a deep breath and carried on.

"He told me that if I didn't cooperate with him that he'd send me to some experimental healers."

Alice's eyes grew wide.

"To try to fix me." Calandra finished.

"That's…That's…That's barbaric. There's nothing wrong with you!" Alice exclaimed.

Calandra shot her a withering look.

"I'd say the majority of the wizarding race would disagree; my father included." She said wearily.

"What more does he want from you?" Alice's voice was fierce. "You already close yourself off all the time, you hide your voice, you hardly ever let your guard down! You should be able to just exist, Calie, without having to worry about all that."

"Yeah." she sighed. "I know. I just don't want anyone to find out."

Alice looked at her for a long moment.

"You know," she said tentatively. "Everyone won't think the worst. You've got lots of friends who care for you so much. Everyone doesn't feel the same way as your father. It wouldn't change the way they saw you, if you told them. Lily won't think any different of you. Mary adores you; it won't matter a fig to her. And Dorcas won't care either, she's cleaned us up enough after our experimental spells, so she's already seen us at our worst."

"Yeah," Calandra said thinking back on all the times Dorcas had helped them. "I should've known she'd be the one to put me to bed last night. You hate levitating."

"Oh, that wasn't Dorcas." Alice said. "Sirius carried you up to the dorm."

"Oh." Calandra said surprised. "How'd he make it up the stairs."

"Not a clue." Alice said. "But if anyone would've figured it out, it would be him, wouldn't it? He probably levitated himself."

Calandra laughed.

"You could tell him, too you know." Alice said softly. "He knows what it's like to have your family hate you, and he's been a good friend to us this year."

Calandra thought back on the past year. He had been a good friend to them. To her. He hadn't said a word when the goblets had shattered at the breakfast table when she sneezed back at the beginning of school. He'd taken the blame when Calandra had made the mice in Transfiguration grow four times their normal size by accidentally saying the spell too loud. He'd even taken notes in Astronomy when she and Alice were sick, and Merlin knows that wasn't something he normally did, especially in that class. 

Then last night crossed her mind. Oh God. She'd passed out drunk on him last night. He'd been trying to have a conversation with her, and she just fell straight asleep. She needed to go apologize.

"I'll go take my books back to the library," she said pulling on a clean jumper and jerking on trousers.

"I'll help you," Alice said getting up to grab a book.

"No that's ok. There aren't as many as you make them out to be. I'm sure Louis is somewhere in the castle thinking about you. Go find him." She said with a wink and gathered up the rest of her books.

Calandra headed toward the door.

"Hey, Alice?" she called.

Alice looked up.

"Thanks. For everything."

Alice smiled at her. "What are friends for?"

She cast a featherlight charm on the books and made her way to the library. Might as well stay on Pince's good side. After returning her books, she spent some time browsing through the shelves. She knew it was a lost cause. She'd already read every book on it in the library, but she still checked out two books to study again.

She couldn't put it off any longer. She set off on her mission; apologize for being obnoxiously drunk. She thought about what Alice said, pushing her father's voice down in her mind. She could trust him. He'd kept Remus's secret all this time. He wouldn't say anything to anyone. She could probably trust the girls, too. She should tell them. They only had another couple years at school and she was tired of hiding part of herself from the people she cared about. Maybe with them knowing, the rest of the world wouldn't think it was such a big deal.

She looked out the window towards the lake but didn't see him. He wasn't in the library and she doubted he was in the dorms. She checked the corridor where the Runes class was held but found no one. She walked up the tower stairs and checked the quidditch pitch through the window. Judging by the practice jerseys a couple Hufflepuffs were practicing plays, but the pitch was otherwise empty. If he was with the others, they'd probably be bothering Peeves and avoiding Filch. Probably not the astronomy tower or the corridor by Filch's office.

The thought for a moment and set off towards the Transfiguration classroom. As she turned the corner, she saw a pair of figures up ahead of her in the corridor huddled over something on a bench in front of them. She'd recognize those manes anywhere.

"Hey, Black." she called speeding up.

Their heads jerked up then Black looked back down at whatever they were studying. He glared up at Potter who seemed to be trying to hold back laughter.

"Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to you." she said.

She turned to Potter.

"Alone." she drawled.

"Say no more," he raised his eyebrows and shot a smirk at Sirius. "There's an empty classroom used for storage just up there if you're wanting some quality alone time."

Calandra rolled her eyes and said, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind."

"Glad to be of service," Potter said rubbing his hands. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find an empty classroom for myself if I can convince a certain bird to join me."

"She isn't in the dorms or by the lake, your best bet is the green house. Tie your tie and try to act civilized, won't you?" Calandra said and turned to Sirius, who had just muttered something and was folding up a piece of parchment and shoving it in his robes.

"Did I ever tell you you're my favorite, White?" Potter said speeding down the hallway.

She laughed and Sirius shook his head fondly at Potter's retreating back. "What do you need?" he asked.

"Well. I …" she rubbed the back of her neck. "Which classroom?"

"What?"

"Which classroom is it? The one used for storage?"

"Oh, third on the left." he said in surprise.

She turned and walked toward the room.

"What…gonna pull me in an empty classroom for a quick snog, White?" He said following her. "Maybe I should thank James for mentioning it."

"Yeah, in your dreams," she retorted. "I wanted somewhere private."

She flicked her wand and lanterns on the walls lit up. He leaned back against the wall; arms crossed and one ankle propped up on the other.

"I wanted to talk about last night." She said a bit hesitantly.

His eyes narrowed and she went on in a rush.

"I'm really sorry."

"Sorry? For what?" he asked.

"For what? I passed out drunk on you." She gave a breath of nervous laughter. "I wanted to apologize. We were having a conversation and I was just out like a light. I shouldn't have drunk that much, but I just wanted to…yeah…no…I mean…I wanted to apologize."

She trailed off, looking at him. He stared at her like she had three heads.

"And I wanted to say thanks for helping me to my room. Alice told me you were the one who brought me up there."

"Yeah, no problem." He said finally. "Is that why you wanted to hide in a classroom? To apologize for being drunk? No one cares, you could've told me that in the hallway."

"No, that's not," she broke off. "I wanted to tell you something else, too."

He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"You're a good mate to me, and I wanted to tell you…" she stared at her hands trying to figure out how to say it. "And I want you to know if you don't want to be my friend after what I tell you, then I'll understand O.K."

She looked up at him. He looked a bit bewildered.

"White, what are you going on about?" he asked.

"I'm part Siren." She said breathlessly.

"What?" he asked almost laughing.

"I'm part Siren. My great grandmother was a Siren." She scratched her elbow, forcing herself to go on. "I know you know the stigma around it all. Probably more than I do, really, but I wanted to tell you."

He ran a hand through his hair and looked sharply at her.

"Is that what last night was all about?" he asked, his voice hard.

"What?" she choked.

"Your song. You sang it last night?" his eyes were intense.

"Yes I sang last night, with Lily-" she started, but he cut her off.

"No, not that. Your Siren's song. You were singing it last night?"

"Oh, no. I don't even think I have one. I don't know a lot about them, there aren't that many books about it. It's really taboo. But I was just singing last night. I know my voice is different when I sing, I know it kind of entrances people. But that's why I cast the spells." She knew she was babbling, but this wasn't going exactly how she'd expected.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" he stared at her incredulously.

"I mean I don't know. McGonagall has tried to tell me everything she knows, but it isn't all that much. None of the textbooks have anything of use about it. I don't know anyone willing to talk to me about it, so…I'm a bit lost on it." She shrugged.

"Half your bloody family are Sirens!" he expostulated. "How can you not know?"

"They're all dead." She exclaimed, tears smarting behind her eyes. "I never met my grandparents and my mother is dead, as you well know. She didn't know a lot about it either because her family was ashamed of it, too. But she told me everything she knew."

She hugged her arms around herself and met his gaze.

"I'm still the same person. It's just something I have to deal with."

"Why are you telling me now?" he asked uncrossing his arms and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't want anything to change when we were becoming such good friends, but that wasn't fair. You deserved to know."

His eyes flicked between hers for a moment then he said "Thanks."

She nodded.

"I have to go meet Peter and Remus, I'll see you later." He spun on his heel and left the classroom.

Calandra stood there wondering if she made the right choice. She wasn't sure.


	20. Chapter 20

December 6, 1975

Calandra sat in the empty classroom for a few minutes after he left. It hadn't gone great, but at least he said he'd see her later. What was all that stuff about a Siren's song? She knew a bit about it. They were all unique, and always used to lure sailors out or enchant people. Her great grandmother probably had one, and maybe even her grandmother, but as far as she knew she didn't. Thank Merlin she didn't. Her life was already complicated enough.

But he thought she did. Because she was singing. Her father's words floated back up to the surface of her mind. She laughed a bitter laugh. She never should've drank last night. Never should've sang and danced. That was for the dungeons. Not for everyday life. She shook her head at her own stupidity and left the classroom. She saw something by the door and bent down to grab it.

It was the parchment Sirius and Potter had earlier. She shoved it in her bag to give to them later and went off down the corridor. She didn't want to go outside. She'd have to face her friends and she didn't really want to see their happy faces right now. She'd already gone to the library today and didn't feel like making a second stop there. She definitely didn't want to go back up to her dorm, she knew she probably wouldn't come back down for a week if she went up there.

She'd go to the dungeon.

She skirted around a group of students playing gobstones and made a beeline for the stairs that led to the dungeons.

She walked down the corridor towards the wing that held the classroom McGonagall designated for her to use. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice the people in the hallway up ahead of her until she was about two meters away from them.

"Oi! White." Her head jerked up and she saw Avery leering at her. "What are you doing in this part of the castle. Fancied yourself sneaking into the Slytherin dormitories?"

Devin Mulciber, Severus Snape, Damian Fable, and Regulus Black were all standing around him. Mulciber laughed.

She squared her shoulders and rolled her eyes at him.

"There's not enough Galleons in Gringotts to get me in your dormitory, Avery." She spat at him moving towards the wall to walk around them.

He moved, too.

"Who said anything about gold?" He laughed, smirking at the others. "Who even needs gold when you've got my charm, and wits, and power?" He walked up closely to her and almost whispered the last word.

"Funny," she glared up at him. "I didn't know you had any of those qualities."

She made a move to go around him and he stepped in front of her again. She glanced over at the others. Mulciber was closer now than he'd been before, grinning at Avery and running his tongue along his teeth. Snape had his arms crossed and looked bored. Fable was looking between Avery and Mulciber, and Regulus was staring at her with a look of disgust.

"Out of my way Avery, or I'll hex you again." She growled at him, gripping her wand.

"That's fine by me love," he said grabbing her arm. "I like it rough."

She raised her wand and had half the hex out of her mouth Mulciber grabbed her wrist and twisted it with one hand, wrapping his other over her mouth. She heard something pop and crack, and felt a searing pain in her wrist. Her wand clattered to the floor.

Avery laughed and grabbed her shoulders. He started to run his hands down over her chest when she kicked out at him and struck his shins.

"You bitch!" he grunted stumbling back.

She used her arm to elbow Mulciber in the stomach. He fell and took her down with him, she scrambled to her knees looking for her wand and saw a black shoe nudge it. She grabbed it, jumped up, and backed away, training it on the group.

"I will rip you all to pieces if you make one move towards me." She glared at them. "Fuck off and leave me alone."

Avery helped a fuming Mulciber to his feet. They glanced at each other, then seemed to come to some sort of agreement. She saw Avery's foot start to make a step when Regulus stepped forward and spoke in a low voice.

"He won't be happy if we're late. It's almost time."

Avery startled and looked at his watch. He nodded his head and motioned for the others to follow.

They made their way down the corridor towards the dormitories and just as they were about to enter Avery looked back over his shoulder and called out,

"Remember next time you're down here, White. I like it rough."

She waited until they were all inside then backed her way up the corridor. When she made it to the stairs she turned and ran up them, running all the way to the Fat Lady's portrait. She bit out the password and stumbled through the portrait hole. She leaned against it as it swung shut and pulled her knees up to her chest gasping for breath. She stared down at her hand. It was definitely broken. Long purple bruises wrapped around her wrist. She hated them more than she hated the pain.

She stared down at the bruises, not hearing a door open and close somewhere in the dorms. Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. She was choking on her breaths, forcing air into her lungs when she heard a familiar voice.

"Callie, love…what happened." She looked up and saw Alice in front of her, flanked by Paul Aster and Sirius Black.

Alice knelt down.

"Callie, talk to me, what happened. What's wrong with your hands?" Alice's warm fingers softly wrapped around her arm as she brought it away from her injured hand.

"Nothing, just a broken wrist," Calandra stammered. "Pomphrey can fix it."

She looked everywhere but her friend's eyes. She knew she'd break down if she looked into them.

"This isn't just a broken wrist, Callie." Alice whispered barely running her finger over the bruises.

"Who did that?" Sirius demanded furiously looking over Alice's shoulder at the bruises.

Paul put a hand on his shoulder and started to talk to him, saying, "Mate, come-"

"Who was it?" He repeated, words filled with rage.

She shook her head and looked at Alice. Her friend's eyes held so much concern she couldn't bear it. She tore her gaze away and looked over to Sirius. His eyes were nothing but ice. It was too much. After everything that happened today. She sobbed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry… I never should've have come here." Her shoulders shook with her sobs. "Never should have...I knew this…this would happen."

She buried her face in her knees. Paul excused himself and left the common room.

"He was right." Calandra choked on the bitter words. "He was right."

She felt arms wrap around her.

"Listen to me," Alice said, her hands stroking though Calandra's hair. "He isn't right. You know that."

She shook her head into Alice's shoulders.

"Whatever he told you about yourself isn't true." Alice went on. "You don't get to blame yourself for this. It wasn't your fault. Your father was wrong."

Calandra choked out an unbelieving laugh. She noticed movement behind Alice, and looked up. Sirius was looking at her like he suddenly solved a difficult riddle. His eyes flicked back and forth between hers and he seemed to be arguing with himself. All of a sudden, he leant down toward her.

"We need to get you to Madam Pomphrey." He said gently.

She swallowed and let him and Alice pull her up. Sirius and Alice shared a look over her head and he cleared his throat.

"I can make sure you get there," he said, then glanced at Alice. "Unless you'd rather Fawcett take you."

Her friend had taken care of her for the past three days. She couldn't bear any more of Alice's soothing words. They gave her too much hope. Alice needed a break from Calandra's mess of a life.

She shook her head and murmured, "I'm fine."

Alice stepped up to her and held her face between her hands, "Go to Pomphrey. Remember what I said. This isn't your fault. I'll be down soon with dinner."

She stepped back and reached for her bag, but it was gone. She looked over and Sirius already had it flung over his shoulder. He walked over to her and reached behind her.

"Easy does it now, White." He made a move and she realized he was going to pick her up. She laughed, but it sounded hollow to her ears.

"My wrist is broken, not my feet."

He chuckled and shook his head, "A bloke's just trying to live up to his house name and be chivalrous. Come on then, but I warn you. The first sign of wobbly feet and up you go."

He swung open the portrait and held out a hand.

She cradled her wrist to her chest and reached out with her good hand and followed him out of the portrait hole.

They walked in silence down the stairs.

They passed Gideon and Fabian close to the doors to the great hall and Sirius nodded to them. They threw up a hand in greeting but were too focused on the book they had in front of them to pay them much mind.

They neared the infirmary and she dreaded going in.

"Come on," he said pushing the door open. "You know Pomphrey won't pry too awful much."

She nodded and went inside.

Madam Pomphrey fussed over her a bit. Her wrist was broken. Madam Pomphrey had to vanish a few bones that were crushed, and she'd need Skelegrow. Pomphrey couldn't really do anything about the bruises, but she gave her a potion to make the pain go away. She'd have to stay till the Skelegrow worked its magic, but then she could leave.

Madam Pomphrey leaned in close and said in a low voice, "Do you have any other bruises like this dear."

She knew he heard. She shook her head.

"No, I promise this is the only one."

Madam Pomphrey gave her a tight smile and said, "I have to check."

She closed the curtain. She ran her wand from the top of Calandra's head to her feet.

She glowed faintly as Madam Pomphrey's wand flicked over her, but the only injury that stayed glowing after she took her wand away was her wrist.

Calandra glanced through the crack in the curtain at Sirius and saw him looking at the ceiling, his jaw tense.

Pomphrey tried to ask her what happened, but after a few vague answers she opened the curtain halfway and bustled off to her office.

"I'll go see if she has any of the cream she gives Remus. Sometimes it helps with bruising." Sirius made his way to the Mediwitch's office.

She sighed and looked at her wrist. She'd rather the bruises be gone than the bone healed if she were honest with herself. Her father told her this would happen. That if she came here this would happen. And it would be her fault. Because of what she was. She thought back to Alice's words. _It isn't your fault_. She wished it weren't. But who was she kidding?

Sirius came back around the curtain apologizing that Pomphrey didn't have any cream for the bruises. She looked over at him and felt a familiar wave of affection. She squashed it down. She was stupid if she thought they could even still be friends. He settled down into one of the chairs beside the bed.

"Thanks," she said looking at the door. "You can tell Alice I'm fine."

"Oh, err…I was going to stay for a bit."

She looked at him. His knee was jumping up and down. That was different, he was usually calm and collected.

"That's ok. You don't have to." She might as well make it as painless as possible. "I'm sorry about earlier today. Alice told me it wouldn't matter to people, and I wanted to believe her. But it does matter. I should've just left things the way they were. I'm sorry it ruined everything."

She looked over at him and saw him swallow. She went on.

"Tell Alice that she doesn't have to bring me any dinner, if you don't mind. I'm not reall-"

"It doesn't matter to me." he cut her off.

"What?" she said staring at him.

His eyes met hers and he spoke calmly.

"It doesn't matter to me. What you are. Doesn't change anything."

She laughed, bitterly, and shook her head.

"Of course it does. I know what happens. When people know. The good ones avoid me. They want nothing to do with me," she gestured to him and saw him wince. "And the not so good ones, well…" she trailed off and held up her bandaged arm.

"You think that's the reason you're in the infirmary?" he asked.

"Do you have another answer?" she shot back.

"Of course!" He expostulated, dragging his chair closer. "The reason you're here is because some vile, disgusting pig did this." he gestured to her wrist. "Not because of what you are, but because of what they are."

She stared at him and remembered Alice's words. He looked her straight in the eyes and went on.

"When you told me, I was shocked. I had..." he searched her eyes trying to find the right words. "I was a coward about it and I want to talk to you more about that, but you need to know that this," he reached out and lightly ran his finger across her bandage, "this wasn't your fault. You didn't ask for this. Nothing in you asked for this. This would've happened no matter what blood you've got running through you."

She was reminded of her mother's voice soothing over her a couple years ago.

" _The world is full of all kinds of people, love. Don't listen to your father. Some want to hurt you just because they can, not because of what you are."_

Her mother had never lied to her. Neither had Alice. Neither had Sirius, come to think of it. But her father had. So many times. Maybe it was time to stop believing his lies.

She nodded.

He looked at her with a serious expression and said, "I'll make sure they never get a chance to touch you again if you tell me who it-"

The door to the infirmary opened and Madam Pomphrey's voice carried over to her bed.

"Well, I never…what's all this!" she exclaimed.

"Someone here decided to pick a fight with the wonder twins." A familiar voice drawled.

She looked around the curtain and saw Snape standing beside a bleeding Regulus Black. His nose was gushing blood and his leg was growing tree branches from his knee.

"They were asking for it." Regulus bit out with a grimace and Sirius tore the curtain back.

The two brothers stared at one another for a moment while Madam Pomphrey stopped the blood pouring from his nose.

"Ah, yes, standing outside the great hall reading a book. The fiends." Snape rolled his eyes.

"Let's get you to a bed and I'll fix you up in a jiff."

Madam Pomphrey bustled them over to the bed beside Calandra. She glanced between Snape and Sirius who were scowling at one another.

"I'll have no dueling or brawling in my ward, boys. I won't tell you twice."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sirius said, crossing his arms.

Pomphrey set his nose with a quick wave of her wand and a jovial "Episkey" and shuffled off to her pantry for a salve to put on his knee before she pruned it.

"Fancy seeing you here." Snape sneered at her.

"Shut it Snivellus." Sirius snapped.

Regulus glanced over at Calandra as Madam Pomphrey came back and handed him a potion.

"Drink up dear, this will kill the roots." She said and started rubbing a thick orange paste on his knee.

"Makes twice in one day we've had the displeasure of bumping into you." Snape continued.

Regulus shot him a fierce look.

"Snivellu-" Sirius started, but a familiar voice cut him off.

"Sirius! Mate," Potter's voice rang out as he came into the infirmary. "I've been looking for you. Aster said you'd be here."

Madam Pomphrey took her wand and started whacking off the branches sprouting from Regulus's knee.

Sirius nodded at James and looked back at Snape and his brother. Snape was now glaring at Potter. Regulus shot her another glance. Madam Pomphrey cut away the main branch then rubbed more orange paste on his knee.

The tension in the room was palpable.

Madam Pomphrey looked between the two beds and cleared her throat, "He'll be fine in a couple minutes. You can wait for him in the hall."

Snape rolled his eyes and walked out the door.

"You can visit for a moment, Mr. Potter, then out you go. She needs rest." Potter nodded at her.

She patted Regulus's knee and said, "You're all fixed up, if anything starts hurting you can come back anytime." She gathered the pots of goo and levitated them back to her office.

Regulus straightened his clothes and started walking towards the door.

Sirius cleared his throat and said, "You alright there, Reg?"

Regulus nodded and stopped at the end of her bed. He glanced at his brother before saying, "It would be in your best interest, White, if you stayed out of the dungeons."

He gave her a pointed look and Sirius exploded.

"You? You? My? You vile-" he lunged at the end of the bed, but Regulus had already started walking toward the door.

"No, it wasn't-" she tried to say, but he didn't hear her.

James grabbed a hold of him and tried to reign him in, "Mate, Mate, calm down."

"If you ever…Just like the lot of…you-" Sirius screamed clawing at James, his hair falling in his face.

Regulus glanced back at her once more and opened the door as Sirius yelled.

"Brother or no brother! Do you hear me?!"

"Sirius, it wasn't him." Calandra yelled to be heard. "It wasn't him."

Sirius seemed to finally hear her words as Madam Pomphrey bustled back in the rooms.

James held up his hand before she could talk, "It was my fault Madam Pomphrey, I'll leave."

She looked between the two boys and nodded.

James squeezed Sirius's shoulders and said, "I'll see you later, Pads. Alright?"

He nodded at his friend and shot Calandra a smile, then gave Madam Pomphrey a salute and waltzed out the Pomphrey sniffed, a small smile playing at the corner of her mouth and went back to her office.

Sirius ran his hand through his hair and let out a long breath.

"It wasn't him." She said again. "He never touched me."

He looked at her for a beat before he said, "But he was there wasn't he? And he just let it happen, rotten little fuc-"

"I didn't ask for his help and I didn't need it." She said pointedly.

His mouth was set in a grim line.

"All they did was threaten me and hurt my wrist. Nothing else happened." She laid her hand on his arm. "Regulus didn't do anything. He didn't even speak to me."

He looked up at her, but she knew he didn't believe her.

"Madam Pomphrey wouldn't have let you stay if anything else had happened. You know she wouldn't." she pointed out.

She saw his shoulders relax just a hair then tense back up.

"Why on Merlin's left tit were you even in the dungeon in the first place?" He collapsed in the chair beside of her.

She smiled and said, "I play music there. McGonagall set me up in one of the rooms. Its warded somehow and we've got about ten different silencing charms on it, but sometimes the noise still gets out. I go there to sing and play."

He looked at her a bit sadly.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"For what?" she asked curiously.

"That you have to do that. That you have to lock it away in a dungeon." He sat up in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'm sorry I was such a wanker when you told me."

She waved her hand through the air, "Could've been worse. At least you didn't call me names and slam the door in my face." She joked.

"No, really. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that." He ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, "I just…. My family hates everyone who isn't pureblood. I was told stories all my life of how others were dirty little tricky creatures that you couldn't trust, Sirens included."

He ran both hands through his hair and shoved them down between his knees.

"I couldn't think of anything but those stories when you told me. Stories of how Sirens would use their songs to bleed men dry and throw them away. It made me question our friendship. I'm ashamed that it did. But it made me think that it had all just been a ruse to get something. That I'd been played. That I was just some fickle little part of…I don't know."

"Sirius-" she began but he cut her off.

"No, I need to tell you, please. I need to explain." He leant forward and put his elbows on his knees. "You've heard of my family. What they are, how they act. Well, all my life my family has been drilling into my head that I'm not worth the Black name and that no one would ever care for a dirty blood traitor such as myself."

He looked up at her and smiled, "Complete shite, I know, but sometimes I believe them. It's hard not to. And when you told me, you know, what you were; I believed them. I thought it was all to get something."

He shook his head to himself and looked at her.

"There's no motive." She said gently "I'm your friend because I like you, disgraced aristocrat you are."

He smiled at her and nodded, "I know. I know you aren't trying to use me. Wouldn't matter if you were, I'd wager I've been disinherited."

He winked at her. She laughed and looked at him curiously.

"Is that why you asked if I was using a Siren's song last night? Because you thought I wanted something? I don't even remember asking for anything." She queried.

"Well, you were a bit drunk, and you did fall asleep towards the end," he pointed out, then rubbed his neck. "But, no. That's not it. You didn't ask for anything."

She looked at him curiously waiting for him to go on.

He looked everywhere but her. Finally his eyes met hers, "Do you remember our conversation on the couch?"

She thought back. "Yes, of course, I wasn't that drunk."

"You told Remus you wanted to marry him." He said seriously.

"Yeah, I know." She snorted. "It's a bit of an ongoing joke between us. Neither of us feel that way towards one another."

"You told me you didn't want to fall in love though." he said.

"Yeah," she sighed.

She saw that he couldn't figure out was she was trying to say and continued.

"It's easy for me to say that to him, and for him to say it to me, because we know it won't go anywhere. I know he doesn't feel that way about me and I don't feel that way about him. Remus is safe, he's not very well going to tell anyone what I am is he? It's easy to want the idea of something when you know you'll never get it."

She broke off and looked at him, "I've seen what love does and I'd rather have the idea of it than actually live through it. It just breaks you in the end."

"Are you talking about your father?" he asked.

"No," she said quietly. "My mother."

His eyebrow quirked in surprise. She went on, "My mother loved him. I don't know how, and I don't know why. I hate him. But she loved him."

"And he broke her?" Sirius asked gently.

"No. I broke her." She stared at the curtain by the bed. "He chipped away at her for years, but I was the one that broke her. With me gone she couldn't take it."

He leant forward and spoke gently.

"You can't blame yourself. You don't know that she-"

"She left me memories." Calandra cut in. "She put them in my room so I would find them. I know the report said it was an accident. But it wasn't. She couldn't swim. She hated the water. It reminded her of what she was. She left her wand and a vial of memories in the hiding spot in my room where she used to leave sweets."

A tear streamed down her cheek, "I broke her. It was me."

His throat bobbed and he shook his head, "No, No. Listen to me. I don't know a lot about love. My parents are shit, but I'll tell you this right now. You didn't break her. Love doesn't break you. Not like that. There's no way you could have broken her."

He looked down at their hands, "What makes you say that?"

"Because you loved her back." He said simply.

She stared at his eyes and felt her heart ache. "You're wrong" she said.

His brows drew together.

"It does break you." she said. "Sometimes you just don't care if you break."

They heard footsteps and Madam Pomphrey peeked behind the curtain.

"The Skelegrow has almost had time to do the job dear," she said unwrapping Calandra's wrist. "You might be able to make it to dinner."

"Thanks," Calandra replied. "It'll be good to break out of here before bedtime."

Madam Pomphrey smiled at her and said, "Give it another hour or so. I want to make sure that wrist is in tip top shape."

Calandra nodded and watched Madam Pomphrey walk away.

She looked back at Sirius and noticed her bag by his chair.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" she exclaimed. "I have something of yours. It's in my bag."

She reached her hand out and he picked up her schoolbag and gave it to her. She rifled through it for a moment, shoving quills and ink pens out of her way.

"Aha, here it is," she pulled the parchment out with a flourish. "I think you dropped this earlier."

His eyes grew round and he felt in his pockets.

"I did, thanks for grabbing it." He said.

She handed it out toward him, and he reached for it, then stopped.

"You want to know a secret?" He said grinning at her.

"About what?" she asked.

"This," he said tapping the parchment. "It's only fair. You told me a secret of yours today, so now I tell you a secret of mine."

"OK…" she said warily, eyeing the parchment.

"It's a map." He said.

"A map?" she repeated. "Of what?"

"Of Hogwarts. It's got the whole grounds on it and everyone inside the grounds." He looked at it fondly.

"How did you find it? It just looks like a bit of parchment." She turned it over in her hands.

He shot her a smirk.

"I helped make it."

He took it out of her hands and tapped his wand to it.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

At his words, the map came to life.

Ink traveled across the pages as she watched the parchment transform into a magical blueprint of the castle. Small moving dots littered the area where the great hall was, and she found herself reading names of her classmates. This was incredible. She watched as Professor Sprout's dot made its way from the greenhouse to the main entry.

"This is amazing," she breathed, studying the map.

"It is, isn't it," he agreed. "Nice bit of work there, if I do say so myself."

She looked up at his smiling face and laughed.

"This is how you pull off all those pranks isn't it? How you get away from Filch and how you know no one will catch you?"

"It does come in handy." he joked.

He showed her different areas of the map. It showed the forest and the lake. They'd even given the giant squid an honorary dot. She laughed and he pointed out the different common rooms. They joked when she saw Louis and Alice's dot in an otherwise empty classroom. He showed her a couple different secret passageways that lead out of the castle.

She rolled her eyes and said, "Of course you'd know a way to get into Honeydukes."

He explained the different charms they used, and she half listened, pouring over the map. He was in the middle of explaining the way they modified the Protean Charm when she pointed to a spot and said, "What does this one lead to? It starts right where the Whomping Willow is. Where does it go?"

He hesitated. He glanced down at the map and looked back up at her.

"I..it's…it leads to the shrieking shack in Hogsmeade."

"Oh," she said a bit taken aback. She thought for a moment. There was something different about that passageway. He'd readily told her about the one to Honeydukes. Why didn't he want to answer about this one? He picked up an edge of the map, looking at it intently.

"Have you ever gone?" she asked.

"Err, yeah, I've been." He nodded, then went on quite seriously. "But it's really dangerous. It isn't…isn't very safe. Everyone says it's haunted you know"

She looked back down at the map where he held it. She glanced at the corner he was studying and saw three dots moving through a secret passageway that broke off the corridor toward Ravenclaw tower. She saw the names: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, and James Potter.

Remus. It had something to do with him. Sirius didn't want to give away his friend's secret.

"Well, I have to say, this is absolutely amazing." She said breaking the tension. "You know, if you put in any effort at all you'd be at the top of our classes."

"I'm already at the top of our classes without the effort." he shot back.

"You're near the top." She corrected rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He huffed looking over the map.

"So how do you turn it back into a plain piece of parchment?" She asked rubbing her wrist. The potion was wearing off and she was feeling the effects of the Skelegrow.

"You just say 'Mischief Managed' and no one can read it." He said demonstrating.

He folded the map up and stuck it in his pocket.

She was surprised when Madam Pomphrey popped around the curtain and said, "You're all set dear. Take it easy for a bit and if anything hurts just come back."

It had been over an hour already.

She said a quick thanks to Madam Pomphrey, then grabbed her bag and slid off the bed. Sirius rounded the end of the bed and they left the Infirmary and headed toward the main corridor.

"We still have about fifteen minutes till dinner, you going up to the dorms?" He cocked his head towards the staircase.

"No, I'm just going to wait in the hall. Do some homework till dinnertime. I'm not really hungry, but I'll never hear the end of it from Alice if I skip it." She stopped by the doors to the great hall. "You can go on and find the other three, thanks for everything."

He smiled and said, "Anytime" then turned toward the stairs. He'd made it up two of them when she called out.

"Hey, Sirius!"

He turned and cocked an eyebrow.

"I liked your secret. It was fun." She smiled.

He grinned and ran his hand through his hair, then turned and bounded up the staircase.


	21. Chapter 21

December 13, 1975

"I figured you'd be in Hogsmeade, White."

Calandra looked up from the canvas she was working on to see Sirius Black propping himself elegantly on the arm of a couch in the common room.

"Didn't really feel like going," she said looking back down at her work. "I never get anytime to myself. Why are you here? Where's your better half?"

He harumphed.

"You have this," he gestured to himself. "In front of you and you call James the better half?"

She snorted. "Well?"

"You're not the only one who needs alone time." He said sliding down to sit on the couch.

She dipped a paintbrush into a bit of blue and added tiny dots of it on the canvas.

"Wow," she looked up to see him leaning close to her, staring at the canvas. "This is incredible. I had no idea you could do this."

"Come off it, everyone knows I can't keep my nose out of a sketch book."

"Yeah, but I had no idea you could do _this_!" He said

She smiled, "Thanks. I always say I'll stop when I get someone just right. But the problem is, I can never get anyone completely right. It drives me insane."

"What are you talking about? Look at Fawcett. She looks exactly the same." He pointed his finger at Alice on the canvas.

"I get the closest with her," Calandra agreed. "But, I can never quite get her smile right. Her cheeks are easy, but her smile is different than this. It's soft, but still a little mischievous. I just can't seem to ever get it right."

"How many times have you painted her?" Sirius asked.

"Alice?" she said distractedly. "Oh, about ten or twelve times now I'd say. Mostly just for practice."

She brushed a broad stripe of paint on the canvas, creating the general form of the sleeve on a shirt.

"I'm giving this to her this year as part of her Christmas gift. It's kind of a running thing now. This makes the fourth year in a row I've given her one."

She chuckled and concentrated on finishing the portrait.

"Why so many?" he asked.

"Well, like I said, I'm always working on getting it right," she held her tongue between her lips as she painstakingly detailed lace on the collar of the shirt. "But they're magic paintings, too. When I gave her the first one, she said she would keep it and put it in her children's nursery one day. She's singing a lullaby in it."

Calandra gave the portrait an appraising look. She needed to add in some shadows and depth. She mixed a couple colors on the back of her hand and leant over to add the details she wanted.

"The next one was of her telling jokes and laughing. There's one of her twirling around and dancing, too. You know, stuff like that. This year's is going to be her reading a story. Beedle the Bard. I thought it would be a nice addition to the first one someday."

"How do you make them do it?" He asked grabbing a book from off the coffee table and flipping through it.

"A couple potions, a good bit of old magic I stumbled across while researching stuff in the library," she blew a strand of hair out of her face. "And I need to capture whatever it is that I want to add. Her voice was easy; that's why the lullaby was my first. Making sure she could dance properly was more difficult. They don't constantly move or anything. There's a spell you use."

She worked in silence for a moment, admiring the way the portrait seemed to come to life even though she hadn't cast the final spells needed to make the subject move or talk.

"Why do you have so many drawings of eyes?" he asked confusedly.

Her head snapped up. She looked at the book in his hands. Her everyday sketchbook. Of all the things he could've picked up to look at, he'd chosen that.

"Oh…er….eyes are some of my favorite things to sketch and paint." She said a slight flush staining her cheeks.

"These never seem to change though." he said, flipping back and forth between a few pages.

"That's because they don't." she said vaguely.

She dropped her paintbrush in the cup on the table and stood up. She waved her wand over the canvas and cast the incantations while the paint was still wet. On the canvas, Alice opened her book. Calandra smiled. Now Alice could hear the story any time with the wave of her wand. She leaned against the arm of the couch, feeling satisfied.

"These seem really familiar." Sirius said, staring down at the sketches. "But they're not Fawcett's."

She snorted. "No, they're not Alice's eyes."

Was he just taking the piss at her? 

"Whose are they?" he asked curiously.

He really didn't know.

"Yours." The answer just slipped out of her.

_Why did she say that? What was wrong with her?_

He brought his eyes up to hers and then looked back down at the sketchbook. She just watched him. His finger traced the outer corner of one of the eyes on the page. How could he not see it? That book might have well been a mirror.

"You have a whole book of my eyes?" he asked.

"It isn't the whole book." she said.

She twisted so that she sat on the arm of the couch, running her feet over the velvet cushion. She could feel her pulse beat in her ears.

"Why?" His eyes searched hers.

Her heart beat madly. She had no idea what to do or say.

"I always get them right."

They looked at each other for a moment and he snapped the book closed.

"I never answered your question." He said.

"Err?" she must have missed something, "I didn't ask anything?"

"In the infirmary," he said. "You wondered why I asked about you using a Siren song."

"Oh," she said surprised.

She hadn't really thought back to any of that. Truthfully, she was trying to forget the whole ordeal had even happened.

"Well, that's ok," she said. "I don't mind-"

"It's because I've fancied you for the past year and a half." He stated.

"What?" she breathed.

"I kept telling myself it was just a passing fancy, and it was the chase because you bloody well never seemed to be interested in me. But it wasn't." He looked steadily up at her. "I asked about that song because I was falling for you, honestly had already fallen for you. And just when I thought things were going well between us, just when I thought you were warming up to me, you dropped that bomb of wanting Remus."

He shook his head and grimaced. She let out a breath and said, "I already told you, I don't feel that way about him."

"I know, I know." He said, running a hand through his hair and turning to her. He gave her a smirk and said, "He told me that night. You did, too. Rambled on a bit about how you never wanted to fall in love. But then you said that your plan had gone wrong."

She nodded. He sat up closer to her he, his feet on the couch cushion beside hers.

"I don't think you remember the end of our conversation that night. You were falling asleep pretty quick."

She gave a half smile and thought back…that had been the end of their conversation. She'd told him she didn't want to fall in love. Then she fell asleep.

"I asked you why you didn't go after the bloke you'd fallen for."

Those intense grey eyes held so much in them. He nodded his head and shrugged his shoulders at her in an unspoken question.

"Because you don't look at me like that."

He smiled and leaned up, his eyes never leaving hers.

"You must be blind." he said as his lips met hers.

* * *

December 13, 1975

She barely breathed. This absolutely couldn't be real. All that time telling herself they were just mates. And here she was, resting her forehead against his after the most exhilarating few moments of her life.

"I've been thinking of nothing but that kiss ever since you stormed into my dormitory waving that letter around." he said leaning back. "I wanted to throttle James."

She laughed, "I knew you wouldn't do it. I was just trying to make you suffer."

"You think I wouldn't have done it?" he asked twirling her hair around his finger. "I'd have full on snogged you right there in front of Merlin and everyone. I was this close," he held up his thumb and forefinger, "Then he came and ruined everything."

She rolled her eyes and bit back a smile.

He leant back, "As much as I'd like to very much prove that point," he gave her a wink. "I want to explain things to you."

She cocked her head to the side.

"I don't care about what you are. I admit, when you told me, I was gutted to think that you could just sing a few notes and have any bloke throw himself at your feet. The more I thought about it, the more I tried to convince myself that I didn't really fancy you at all, it was just what you were that made me fancy you."

"Alice gave me quite the talking to that day, after I left you. I came back up here a mess and when I saw Alice I kind of lost it. I ranted at her for all of about ten seconds before she set me straight." He smiled at the memory. "She told me to stop acting like gassy Flobberworm and offered to answer any questions I had when I could act my age."

Calandra laughed. There was nothing on earth she could have ever done to deserve Alice.

"She did," he said with a smile. "She listened to me and answered me straight out when I asked her questions."

"I still wasn't quite sure," he went on. "About it all. I couldn't let go of the thought that maybe everyone feels like this around you. But then you burst into the common room looking like you'd just taken on a Hippogriff and I saw those bruises and…."

He leaned up and pushed a curl behind her ear, "I knew right then that none of that mattered. I'd just get in line. If there were twenty blokes vying for you, you'd just have to make it twenty-one."

"There isn't." she said softly.

"I know," he said with a laugh. "You don't give any poor sod the time of day."

"I fancied you, too." She said with a smile.

"You know," He said running a hand across her cheek. "I kind of gathered that from the sixty-two drawings of my eyes you have here."

* * *

December 13, 1975

Calandra found Remus sitting with his back against the groundkeeper's hut. He had on blue jeans and a jumper and looked oddly out of place in his muggle clothes among the magical flowers that grew along the walls of the little house. Calandra came up beside him and sat down.

"Two things." She said turning to him. "One; I have a book for you. Two; he kissed me."

Remus nodded and reached a hand out.

"What's the book?" he asked.

She dug in her school bag for the book while she spoke.

"You don't seem very surprised."

"Well, you're always bringing me books." He said, stretching his legs out. "And I very much appreciate you trying to help me, which is why I always read them, even though we both know there's nothing that can be done."

She rolled her eyes and handed the book over.

"And, I live with him, Callie. I've been listening to him go on about you for ages. I knew it would happen sooner or later if you gave him half a chance."

"I'm serious Remus." She turned to him.

"So is he." He said with a smirk.

"Is it real?" she asked.

Remus nodded.

"I've never seen him like this before. It's always been just a bit of fun to him before now." Remus said.

"I'm terrified of that." She said, tucking her knees up to her chest.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Because, I can handle a bit of fun. I'd be fine with that. A bit of fun is harmless. This isn't. This feeling isn't harmless at all. What if he tries to put me in a box? What if I end up like my mother? She stayed, Remus. All on her own. He didn't make her."

Remus slung an arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm.

"He knows what it's like to be kept in boxes, Callie. You don't have to worry about him doing that to you."

Calandra nodded, deep in thought.


	22. Chapter 22

December 19, 1975

Calandra sat in the train compartment, staring out the window at the mountains as they sped by. The others in the compartment laughed and joked with one another. Johnathon Aster and Emmaline Vance got into a heated discussion about a quidditch team, Dorcas was mediating. Julia Meehan, who shared a dorm with Emmaline, was fast asleep propped up against the cushion.

"Callie!"

Alice's voice startled Calandra out of her daydream. Alice waved through the compartment window and motioned Calandra to come out to her. Calandra excused herself and went to see what Alice wanted.

"Took you long enough in the loo." Calandra said, closing the compartment door behind her. "What is it?"

"I found a compartment with no one in it." Alice said. "Figured we'd rather sit there."

"Oh, sure. Where is it?"

Alice motioned for her to follow and Calandra walked behind her toward the end of the train. Alice slid open a door and stretched out on the seat inside. Calandra sat and leaned her head back against the wall. She breathed a contented sigh and looked out of the window.

"So." Alice said, looking up at Calandra from where she lay on the seat.

Calandra raised her eyebrows.

"Oh, come on." Alice said. "What's the use of having a compartment to ourselves if we don't use it to dish?"

Calandra laughed.

"To sleep." She said. "To stare out the window and contemplate life's miseries."

"Hey!" a voice sounded from outside the compartment.

"That's my thing, get your own." Remus stuck his head in and winked.

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"You seen the trolley witch?" he asked. "She hasn't come to our compartment yet."

"No. Send her this way when you find her." Alice said, waving him away. "I'm starving. Close the door behind you."

He walked away and Calandra looked at Alice.

"You ate all of my Jelly Buttons this morning." She said. "How are you hungry?"

"It's almost lunchtime." Alice said haughtily. "That was breakfast."

"I'm sure your mother will be thrilled to hear of your choices."

Alice rolled her eyes.

"I'll just tell her you gave them to me." She said. "You can do no wrong in her eyes. It's sickening."

"It's pity." Calandra pointed out. "There's a difference."

Alice watched as Calandra turned back toward the window.

"She does love you, though." Alice said.

Calandra smiled at her.

"I know. She's wonderful. She really is." Calandra said.

"She's going to invite you to ours, you know." Alice said.

"She always does." Calandra chuckled. "I don't know if he'll let me this time. I have to start those classes over break."

"Maybe they won't be so bad." Alice ventured.

Calandra gave her a look.

"Maybe not, but I'm sure they'll be infernally boring. Learning how to dance and walk and sit and sip tea properly."

"I could get my mum to sign me up." Alice said. "We could do them together."

Calandra laughed.

"Alice, you don't need to waste your holiday sitting in a stuffy old room while some stuffy old bat gives you etiquette lessons."

"I know, but what if you can't visit? I won't see you again until school starts back." Alice said.

"Then we'll write and pine away the time until we reunite." Calandra said, trying not to think of spending the Christmas holiday without seeing Alice.

"Yeah, I'm sure I'm the one you'll be pining for." Alice snorted.

Calandra stuck her tongue out.

"Are you going to try to visit him?" Alice asked.

"That's rich." Calandra laughed. "I can hear it now; 'Yes Father, I know you won't allow me to go see my best friend who happens to fit your ever so necessary mold of pureblood witch in proper society, but I'd love to go see the boy who kissed me senseless at school who just so happens to be the antithesis of everything you think is proper.' Sounds promising doesn't it?"

Alice sighed.

"So what's happening between the two of you?" Alice asked.

"Nothing really new." Calandra said. "We agreed to write each other over the holiday. What about you and Louis?"

Alice sighed.

"He's nice. I like him, but I don't know. He's just nice."

"Would you rather him not be nice?" Calandra asked.

"Of course not!" Alice huffed. "But I'd rather him be more than just nice."

Calandra nodded and looked out the window. They'd be arriving at the station soon.

"We should probably go back to the other compartment." Calandra sighed. "All our things are there."

"Nah." Alice said. "We'll just wait until they leave, then we'll get our trunks."

Calandra watched the trees go by in green smudges. The sky blurred into blues and whites and greys and Calandra allowed herself to get lost in the colors. She sat there with Alice, in companionable silence, wishing she didn't have to go home.

* * *

December 19, 1975

"You'll write to me, right?" Alice peered at Calandra anxiously.

"Every day." Calandra said. "I promise."

"You'll tell me if he does something horrible won't you?" Alice gave her a fierce look.

Calandra sighed.

"I will be fine. I'll come visit if I can and if I can't, I'll meet you back here when school starts back."

Alice pulled her into a hug and squeezed her tightly.

"I'll miss you, Callie." She said.

"I'll miss you, more." Calandra replied. "Go on. Go find your mum."

Alice squeezed her one last time and went off in search of her mother. Calandra sighed and grabbed the handle of her trunk. She weaved her way through the crowd toward the bench she knew her father would be waiting on. She said goodbye to her friends as they walked by her toward the waiting arms of their own family and walked toward the back wall.

Remus waved at her from off to the side and she threw up her hand in return. While doing so, a stern-faced woman caught Calandra's eye. She was familiar. She looked over at the woman and narrowed her eyes. The woman was fondly smiling down at a young boy. His dark hair fanned down over his collar and the woman placed a loving hand on his shoulder. The boy turned toward her, and Calandra realized who it was.

This was Sirius's mother and his brother, Regulus. Calandra watched them curiously. The woman was talking to Regulus, seemingly asking questions and he was nodding in response. Then the woman's mouth set into a thin line and her nostrils flared. Calandra watched as Sirius made his way toward them.

His mother hardly acknowledged that he was coming their way. He walked up to them and she gave a brief greeting, then turned on her heel and led Regulus along the platform. Sirius rolled his eyes and followed behind them. They passed by her and Sirius shot Calandra a wink. He turned around and walked backwards behind his mother. He mimed writing on his hand.

"Write." He mouthed and gave her a smile.

She smiled, nodded, and watched him walk away. Then with a sigh, made her way to the bench and stood in front of her father who, as usual, was behind a newspaper.

"Hello, Father." She said in greeting.

"I trust everything is in order to travel home." Her father said lazily from behind his paper.

"Yes." She replied.

Her father closed his newspaper and glanced over Calandra. He gave a curt nod and stood. Calandra followed behind him as he left the station and walked toward a taxi on the street. The driver put her trunk in the boot of his car and Calandra slid into the backseat next to her father. The ride home was completely silent. It was only as they were walking up the steps to the house that her father spoke.

"I've had a new fireplace installed." He said opening the door. "We'll floo from here on out."

Calandra nodded and walked inside. In the living room was a massive fireplace. She ran a hand over it and peered inside.

"It is simply a fireplace." Her father said. "Nothing more, take your things to your room and put them away."

Calandra went up to her room and put all her school things away. She carefully put her charmed sketchbooks between her schoolbooks and sat them on her desk. Her clothes went in the wardrobe and her other belongings into bookshelves and tables. She looked around the room and made sure nothing was out of place. She turned around ad was surprised to find her father standing in her doorway.

"You start your lessons Monday morning." He said. "I trust you can make yourself presentable."

Calandra nodded and her father continued.

"Our roles in society have shifted and we must act accordingly. The reading material I sent you should have enlightened you on our heightened rank in the world."

Calandra swallowed and nodded.

"As long as you do as you should, there is no longer a need to hide you in the shadows."

Calandra watched him, her shoulders tense and her eyes wary. He looked at her and raised a brow.

"If you disobey me, the consequences will be dire." He said stonily.

Calandra watched him turn on his heel and walk away. She let out the breath she'd been holding. Without changing into pajamas, Calandra crawled into her bed and pulled the covers up around her. She tried not to think about consequences and etiquette lessons. She tried, but she failed.

* * *

December 19, 1975

_Dear Alice,_

_I'm home and unpacked and bored out of my mind. My father has a business partner over, so I'm stuck up in my room. I've rearranged all my books three times and refolded my jumpers._

_I start classes on Monday. He hasn't told me how long they'll last, but I should think forever if he plans for them to stop when he's satisfied with me. I miss you! Write to me soon!_

_Love,_

_Callie_

* * *

_December 19, 1975_

_Callie!_

_My mum said she's going to write your dad after we've been home a bit. She said she'd take you to your lessons and everything if you want to come. I hope he says yes._

_My Gran wants me to learn cross stitch with her. I've said no about a dozen times already, but she conveniently forgets. You know what she told me today? She said that cross stitch was groovy. She said the word groovy. Where has my Gran heard that word?!_

_I miss you, too. I'll send you the crossword from the Prophet so you can work it while you're stuck in your room._

_Love,_

_Alice_

* * *

_December 20, 1975_

_My father was cross with me because Johan was out sending you a letter and he needed him to send a contract to someone. Tell Button to stay next time and I'll send a response back with her._

_Thanks for the crossword! I've decided to reread the Stephen King book. I'll send it with a letter when I finish it and you can read it, too._

_Love,_

_Callie._

* * *

_December 20, 1975_

_Dear Callie,_

_This is why he should've let you get your own owl. Mum says I have to help Gran with dinner tonight so I probably won't be able to write again tonight, but I will tomorrow._

_Have a goodnight! Dream sweet dreams of a certain someone!_

_Love,_

_Alice_

* * *

_December 22, 1975_

_Dear Alice,_

_My father is upset that owls are coming to my windows throughout the day. So, I am only allowed to write two letters a week. Please don't send letters more than that. I wish you could._

_I made dinner last night and my father actually ate the food. I think he's tired of going to the restaurant down the street. He wants a house elf, but doesn't approve of them having their own magic, so I doubt we'll get one._

_I'm sorry I can't write to you every day anymore. I've been adding to this parchment a little every day until I can send it, so it'll probably be pretty long. I start classes tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous._

_I'm allowed to go to Mrs. Thisbee's after classes on Wednesday, so maybe he'll let me come to your house. The neighbors got a new puppy and it's adorable. It's a tiny little black Labrador and it is the clumsiest thing I have ever seen. It ran into their fence trying to catch a ball they threw. I felt bad for the poor thing, but it was so funny I had to laugh._

_If I can come visit you, I'm going to ask your Gran to teach me how to make her bread pudding. I would try it out here, but if I mess up I know it won't end well, so I'll just wait._

_I've been looking ahead in our Defense book. Did you know there is a spell that turns your opponent's hands into dinner plates. Could you imagine Flitwick casting that? I've overheard Professor Kettleburn tell Hagrid that Flitwick is one of the best duelists he's ever seen. I wonder if that's true. It's hard to imagine tiny little Flitwick knocking someone on their rear in a duel._

_I miss you! Send me a list of what you want for Christmas!_

_Love,_

_Callie_

* * *

_December 23, 1975_

_Dear Callie,_

_I don't like writing to you twice a week. We need a way to talk without owls. We need telephones! But I don't know how they work, and I doubt your father would buy one, so I don't think that's the answer to our problems._

_My mum said she's going to send your dad a letter in the middle of next week. She went on about work etiquette and proper manners so I'm sure he'll appreciate whatever it is she sends._

_My Gran said she'll show you how to make whatever you want. Be warned, she'll try to get you to cross stitch with her. Do Not Agree! It's horrid. Even with using magic._

_Has Sirius written to you yet? What has he had to say?_

_Dorcas wrote and asked what colors you used most when you paint. So when you send me a Christmas list don't add paint. Also, don't tell her I told you what she's getting you. She'll never forgive me._

_My uncle is getting married to one of Gideon and Fabian's cousins this summer. He just proposed yesterday. He gave her a goblin made ring with an emerald the size of a grape. It was ghastly looking. If someone were to ever propose to me with such a ring, I'd for sure say no. Could you imagine having to lug that monstrosity around on your finger for the rest of your life?_

_My gran said Flitwick really is a great duelist. She told me all about the professors. Did you know that McGonagall figured out how to turn into a cat when she was seventeen? That's got to be the youngest anyone has ever done it._

_I'll send a letter again in a few days! I miss you!_

_Love,_

_Alice_

* * *

_December 24, 1975_

_White,_

_I'm swallowing my pride and writing to you first. How has your holiday been? Have you painted Fawcett on your walls yet?_

_I unpacked my school trunk yesterday and came across one of your rolls of parchment on Runes. What are you doing stowing your things in my schoolbooks?_

_Nimbus is releasing a new broom in a week. You'd probably like it. It's supposed to have great speed and hardly any resistance._

_Hold up your end of the bargain and write a fellow back._

_Sirius_

* * *

_December 25, 1975_

_Black,_

_Isn't the bloke supposed to make the first move? I was simply doing my duty as a fair young maid and waiting for you to screw up the courage._

_In response to your questions;_

_My holidays have been fine. I have to go to class with a horrid old French lady named Madam Decoste three times a week, but other than that life at home is pretty uneventful._

_I have not painted Alice on my walls. My father would be appalled._

_As to my schoolwork ending up in your things, if I remember correctly you asked for it. You said, "Please, White. Just this once. I'll translate four of the runes next week if you give me the one on animagi right now."_

_The new nimbus sounds amazing. As soon as I'm of age, I'm buying a broom of my own!_

_How has your holiday been? Have you gone to any fancy smancy parties? My father said we'll be attending some event at the Williams Estate. He listed off "prominent families" that would be in attendance. And of course, The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black made the list. Maybe I'll see you there._

_Remus said you like reading the cartoons in the muggle newspaper, so I'll send you some. Have a happy holiday! Try not to die of heartbreak without Potter there with you!_

_Happy Christmas,_

_Calandra_

* * *

_December 25, 1975_

_Alice,_

_Tell your mum to wait before she sends my father a letter. He's horribly cross with me right now. If I get to come at all it will probably be after my class on Friday. I know that only gives us a couple days, but it's better than nothing._

_I was going through our Astronomy book and sketching star patterns and he found me doing so. I told him it was a bit of homework but I'm almost certain he doesn't believe me. I'm just glad he hasn't found my sketchbooks._

_Sirius wrote to me. It was nice. When he's not being insufferable, he's a laugh._

_The classes aren't so bad. I mostly do things right. I mean it isn't that hard to drink tea without breaking the teacup is it? The worst parts the organization and planning sessions._

_I'm supposed to learn how to "manage" a household and what "proper furnishings and décor" look like. As if I'm ever going to need either of those skills. When I get my own house, I'm painting the walls however I please. Why do rich wizards use so much tapestry? Its horrid._

_I sent off for your Christmas present. It should come to you via owl soon. I can't wait to go back to school. I got Dorcas a broom kit for Christmas. She'll love it! DON'T TELL HER!_

_I miss you! I can't wait to see you!_

_HAPPY CHRISTMAS!_

_Callie_

* * *

_December 25, 1975_

_Dear White,_

_Thanks for the newspaper cartoons! They're great! You could do those if you wanted. My holiday has been predictable. Nothing of interest happening._

_The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black attendees of the event in Surrey are my aunt, uncle, and cousins. Though perhaps if you're pining away after me, I could finagle my way in._

_Why are you going to Madam Decoste. I had lessons with her when I was younger. She really is a horrid old bat._

_Why wait til you're of age to get a broom? You can have one at Hogwarts now._

_I'm enclosing a Christmas present for you. I hope you like it. I'll wait to get mine in person, if you catch my drift._

_Happy Christmas, White._

_Sirius_

* * *

_December 25, 1975_

_Deal Callie,_

_My mum said your father wrote back and said that you couldn't come stay with us before school starts back. I wish you could. I'm sorry. I miss you._

_I'm sending charmed paper to you. You can draw on it and all anyone will see it potions ingredients._

_I have to go help Mum, but I'll write more later!_

_Love,_

_Alice_

* * *

January 4, 1976

Calandra sat on the train and looked out the window for Alice. She held her sketchbook close to her, holding it tightly closed. Letters and bits of papers lined the pages inside. Calandra had read and re-read every piece of post she'd received over the holiday while sitting on the train.

"Have a good holiday, Callie?" Remus poked his head in her compartment.

She nodded.

"You?" she asked. "Father Christmas leave anything good under your tree?"

"He left three jumpers that I specifically did not ask for, I can tell you that." Remus laughed.

"First Hogsmeade weekend I'll take you to Honeydukes. Buy you as many chocolate frogs as you want." She smiled. "Pick up where Father Christmas dropped the ball."

"Hey, Remus!" a voice called out. "James on board yet?"

Remus gave Calandra a smirk and turned to the hallway.

"Nah, mate. He's not here, yet." He said.

"Then who are you talking-" Sirius trailed off as he peered in the compartment.

"White!" he brightened. "Should've known it was you. Did you have a good holiday?"

She nodded.

"Thanks for your gift." She said with a smile. "It was great."

Remus raised his eyebrows at them then walked on down the hall. Sirius sat across from her and propped his feet up on the seat beside her. He shot her a devastating smile.

"Thought you'd get a laugh out of it." He said modestly.

"You never said you could draw." She said, cocking her head and looking at him.

"I can't really; not like you. Those are just doodles." He shrugged.

"You should send them in to the prophet. The one about the quidditch match was hilarious."

"I'm glad you liked them." He smiled warmly.

"I brought you something." She said hesitantly. "As a Christmas gift."

He raised his eyebrows. Calandra held out a few pieces of paper. He peered down at them and flipped through them.

"It's for your map." She said. "I sketched out a couple different parts of the castle, and the grounds that you only had outlines for."

He smiled and continued flipping through the pages.

"You don't have to use them if you don't want to." She said. "But I thought you might like them. All you have to do is duplicate them on your parchment. You probably already know the spells."

He looked up at her and folded the pages.

"Thanks, White." He said. "They're great."

She smiled and nodded.

"That's not really what I wanted for my Christmas gift, though." He said, leaning forward.

"I'm not weak in the knees over you, Black." Calandra warned.

"Yet." He said.

Calandra rolled her eyes. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let his thumb rub against her cheek. Calandra's heart stuttered. Sirius leant forward and softly pressed his lips to hers.

"Happy Christmas to me." He said when he drew back.

Calandra breathed out a breath of laughter. Sirius stood and put the pages in his pocket. He shot her a wink and handed her a small package wrapped in bright red paper.

"Fawcett's just boarding." He said. "See you at school."


	23. Chapter 23

October 2, 1998

Going back to school had been freeing that year. Leaving her father behind on that train platform felt better than anything Calandra had ever done in her life. Calandra smiled at the memory.

She sat on her bed and folded the sheet between her fingers, trying not to let the walls remind her that she wasn't free. That she'd made too many mistakes. She grappled in her memories for something to keep her from feeling the guilt that overwhelmed her every day.

She closed her eyes and thought back to simpler mistakes. Mistakes that didn't lock you in boxes. They'd made so many mistakes while figuring out what they were and what they meant to one another. It had been over twenty years and she still cringed when she remembered Professor McGonagall walking in on them kissing in one of the empty classrooms.

Some mistakes weren't so innocent, though. Some mistakes almost ruined everything. Calandra's thoughts swam with possibilities of what could have happened if those mistakes had had the intended consequences. Would he have still ended up there? Would she have still ended up here?

* * *

January 8, 1976

"Hey, Fawcett." Sirius said sidling up to Alice. "Sit with James for today will you?"

"Why would I do that?" Alice said.

"Because I'm asking nicely." Sirius said.

"Tell me the real reason and I might actually do it." Alice crossed her arms.

Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Because I want to talk to White." He said.

"So, go talk to her." Alice said. "Class doesn't start for another five minutes."

"It'll take longer than that." Sirius said.

Alice gave him a look and he sighed.

"I just want to sit with White for today Fawcett. Give a bloke a break, I want to talk to her."

Alice smirked and moved her schoolbooks to the next desk up. Calandra followed a group of students into the Transfiguration classroom and ran into someone who had stopped suddenly in front of her.

"Oi! Mate, what are you doing?" James Potter asked.

"Fawcett wanted to sit with you today." Sirius leant back in his chair. "Who was I to dissuade her."

James looked skeptically at Alice. She pursed her lips and gave a knowing look toward Sirius. James sighed and shook his head.

Calandra pulled out her chair and turned to Sirius.

"You'll need to come up with a better excuse next time." She said.

"A better excuse for what?" he asked innocently.

"To sit here." She said. "Alice wants to sit next to Potter about as much as I want to see Slughorn streak across the Quidditch pitch."

"I didn't know you had a fancy for portly older wizards." Sirius smirked. "Should I grow a beard and eat a few more cauldron cakes?"

Calandra rolled her eyes and pulled her spell book forward. Sirius crossed his feet at the ankles and angled his head toward her. Professor McGonagall strode into the room and stood at the front of the class.

"Turn in your books to page two hundred and six, class. Today we are going to be studying the effects of transfiguration on people." she said primly and gathered some items on her desk.

"What say we go out to the quidditch pitch this evening, White." Sirius said out of the corner of his mouth.

Calandra looked up from her book and surveyed him.

"Err, sure. Why?" she asked.

"James has a new broom. Told me I could give it a go. You're a decent flier, figured we could fly."

"Umm. Ok." Calandra said. "Sure."

"The three most important things to remember when transfiguring yourself or another person is intent, concentration, and-" McGonagall addressed the class.

"I was thinking about it." Sirius leant close to her. "And since we both missed the last Hogsmeade trip we should do something to make up for it."

"Mr. Black." Professor McGonagall's voice rose. "Do pay attention."

Sirius nodded toward Professor McGonagall and shot a smirk at Calandra. She copied down notes on what Professor McGonagall was saying.

"You're being awfully quiet, White." Sirius said. "Don't leave a lad hanging."

"What do you want me to say?" she asked fiercely. "No, I'd rather not spend time with you? I already told you I'd meet you on the Quidditch Pitch."

"Ms. White!" McGonagall addressed her. "If your focus could remain up here, please."

"Sorry, Professor." Calandra murmured and shot Sirius a dirty look.

They looked back up toward the front of the classroom where Professor McGonagall had waved her wand over the chalkboard and drawings of people in various stages of Transfiguration had appeared. Sirius scooted closer to Calandra and whispered.

"What I'd rather you say is 'Sirius Black, you God among men, take me to the broom closet and snog me senseless.' But try as I might, I just can't see you really saying that right now."

She huffed and turned back to her notes.

"Unless that is what you're thinking."

"No!" she said louder than she meant to.

McGonagall peered at them over her glasses.

"Perhaps the both of you will be more focused on the lesson in detention tonight. My office, directly after dinner." Professor McGonagall said.

Calandra sighed. Sirius smiled at her and turned to Professor McGonagall.

"It's a date, Professor." He said jovially.

* * *

January 8, 1976

"How was it?" Alice asked.

Calandra sat next to her, smiling.

"Not so bad." She said. "We had to give her eleven inches of parchment on Transfiguration effects."

"Right." Alice said, glancing toward the window. "And that took three hours?"

"Not completely." Calandra said.

"So your extended absence is due to…" Alice trailed off.

"We went to the Quidditch pitch." Calandra said.

"And here I'd thought you'd be caught in a broom cupboard." Alice said.

"What's the point of hiding in a broom cupboard when you can just fly up to the roof of the Astronomy tower?" Calandra quipped.

"You did not snog him on the roof of the Astronomy tower." Alice said, unbelievingly.

"You're right." Calandra said. "I didn't snog him on the roof of the Astronomy tower. Because I didn't snog him."

Alice crossed her arms.

"You expect me to believe that?" she asked.

"It's true." Calandra shrugged. "We just talked."

"For two hours?" Alice asked.

"Apparently." Calandra said. "It didn't feel like that long, though."

"What did you talk about all that time?" Alice wondered.

"Everything." Calandra said. "Everything and nothing."

* * *

February 12, 1976

She went in search of Remus about a month later. She'd found a potioneer mentioned in a book, who was researching cures for lycanthropy and wanted Remus to know the name in case the wizard was ever successful.

Calandra knocked on the door to his dorm and heard a muffled "Not interested."

She stepped up to the door and said, "It's Calandra. I'm looking for Remus."

Someone grumbled and she heard shuffling footsteps. James Potter opened the door and mumbled, "He's not here," then promptly shut the door in her face.

"What made you lose the plot, Potter?" She muttered as she went back down the stairs.

Calandra wandered through the castle, looking for her friend. She glanced at her watch and pulled a face; Alice was helping professor Kettleburn with Knarls and would be finished within the hour. She finally found Remus in a far corner of the library, huddled over that map.

"Hey!" Calandra said, bouncing over. "I've been looking all over for you."

Remus shrugged and pulled the chair beside of him out for her.

"Been here most of the morning." He said.

"Are you ok?" Calandra asked, sitting down. "You weren't in Runes. Neither was Sirius. And Potter's acting about as friendly as a blast ended skrewt."

Remus shrugged again and rested his head on his palm.

"Remus?" Calandra reached a tentative hand toward him. He shifted away from her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He said shortly. "What did you want? You said you've been looking for me."

"Yes." She said, pulling her hand back to herself and running a finger along the pages of the book she'd brought.

"I found a book I wanted to give you." she said, tapping a finger on it. "There's a wizard who's referenced in it. He's a potion master, he's been working on different potions for…well…you know."

Remus laughed one short laugh.

"For monsters?" he finished. "Monsters like me."

"What?" Calandra recoiled. "No! That's not-"

"It's ok." Remus said. "You don't have to try to spare my feelings any longer. I know what I am."

"Remus, I don't think you're a monster." Calandra said, putting a hand on his arm.

He shrugged it off and pushed his chair closer to the table.

"Well, you should." He said coldly.

"What happened? Is it something with the others?" she asked anxiously. "Remus, they know you'd never hurt them."

"But I would." He finally looked at her. "I would, and I wouldn't be able to stop myself."

"Did you…." Calandra trailed off.

"No." he said, shaking his head. "No, but I could have. All because of a stupid prank! That's what he called it! A prank!"

Calandra tried to follow him. She didn't know what he was going on about, but obviously it upset him.

"He could've died." Remus said quietly. "And it would've been my fault."

"Remus, I'm sure it wasn't-"

"Mr. Lupin." Professor McGonagall strode up to their table. "The headmaster would like a word with you. He's waiting for you in his office, now."

Remus stood and shoved his parchment in his bag. He slowly pushed his chair in and McGonagall laid a hand on his arm.

"You're not in any trouble Mr. Lupin, I assure you. Professor Dumbledore just fancies a chat."

Remus nodded and left the library. Professor McGonagall bid Calandra a good day and followed after him.

What was that all about? She wondered. What had happened?

* * *

February 19, 1976

"Want to go try to find Clabberts at the edge of the forest after we're finished?" Calandra asked Sirius as they walked through the castle.

"No thanks." He said absently.

"Want to work on our Arithmancy homework?" she asked. "We still have four more problems to work through."

"Mmmmm." He murmured in dissent.

"Want to find a broom cupboard and snog?" she asked sarcastically.

He pulled her around a corner and pulled open a door. Calandra used her wand to shed light on the room. Huh. It actually was a broom cupboard.

"Always." He said.

Calandra laughed.

"I wasn't being serious." She said.

"Oh how you wound me, White." He said, stepping back and throwing his hand over his heart.

"I'm sure you'll live." She said as he opened the door.

"Probably." He said. "Too early to tell if it's fatal or not."

They walked up to the Owlry and Calandra attached her letter to one of the school owls. Sirius stood by the door and petted a barn owl on the head. Calandra watched him. He seemed a bit sad. He'd been a bit off for the past few days. She didn't know what was wrong.

He looked up at her and smiled.

"Blue looks good on you." he said. "Must be why the hat put you in Gryffindor. It knew that if you wore Ravenclaw colors no one would focus on their studies."

Calandra blushed and shook her head.

"You're a horrible flirt." She said.

"I'll have you know, I'm incredible at flirting." He said. "Thank you very much."

"Adequate at best." Calandra said.

"Adequate?" Sirius echoed. "If it were an OWL I'd get an Outstanding."

Calandra laughed.

"You probably would." She said.

He nodded haughtily and leant against the door frame.

"You know." Calandra said. "We've got a bit before dinnertime."

She gestured to where they stood.

"It's not a broom cupboard or anything." She bit her lip.

"Calandra White." Sirius smirked. "Are you flirting with me?"

"Sirius Black...I should have thought that was obvious." She said.

* * *

March 2, 1976

Two weeks later, Calandra was still befuddled as to what happened between Remus and his other friends. She had no idea what was wrong with Sirius, either. Remus was frequently cross with her, which was a bit unusual. James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were the only two found together between classes. Remus brushed Calandra off when she would invite him to sit with her or study together.

Sirius skipped out on classes and when he showed up to meals he always sat with Calandra or Gideon and Fabian or Peter, but never James or Remus. He joked around a bit with Calandra and Alice, but there wasn't light behind his eyes anymore when he did. Calandra was getting worried about him. About all of them, really. Alice asked her what was wrong with him more than once, but she couldn't ever give her an answer. Quite frankly, she didn't know.

Calandra tried talking to Sirius. Tried asking if there was anything she could help with, but he'd just flick her hair and give her a smile. Remus avoided her as much as he could. Calandra copied her notes in Runes and handed them in for the both of them a few times, just so they'd have marks for the week. But after a while, she was left thinking perhaps she'd done something to upset him.

Calandra walked toward the greenhouses, deep in thought. She'd volunteered to go water Alice's Screechsnaps and Tentacula for her, while she studied for her Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL with Dorcas. Calandra let herself in the greenhouse and peered at all the pots on the table by Professor Sprout's desk. She drew her wand and cast an aguamenti charm over Alice's pot and watched the water splash down the leaves of the small blue plant.

She plucked off a couple dead leaves and made sure the pot was positioned under the large pane of glass in the greenhouse, to get proper sunlight. She turned to the rows of Venemous Tentacula and watered them all from a few feet back, then she tucked her wand into her robes and left the greenhouse. On her way back up to the castle she caught sight of messy dark hair disappearing around the edge of the bleachers to the quidditch pitch.

Calandra ran to catch up. She caught him as he was about to mount his broom. James Potter jerked his head around when she grabbed ahold of his arm. His face turned into one of suspicion almost immediately.

"What do _you_ want?" he said derisively.

"I want to know what's going on." She said. "Did I do something? Remus seems to hate me, and Sirius…well, he's not acting like himself."

James laughed at her and crossed his arms.

"I'd say he is acting a bit differently. Guilt can do that to a person." He said.

"What?" Calandra asked.

"Did he tell you what he did?" James asked angrily.

"Sirius?" Calandra asked. "No. He won't talk to me."

"Yeah, well, he told someone about Remus." James said.

She staggered backwards, as if someone slapped her.

"No." she shook her head. "He would never…"

"Oh, he did." James said furiously. "I was there."

"You were not!" Sirius exclaimed, suddenly appearing around the edge of the bleachers and stalking toward them.

"You were not there!" he said.

"I WAS!" James exploded.

"You were not, Prongs!" Sirius stood there fuming. "You were not there. Not for that. You didn't see the look on his face when he told me how promising Regulus was."

Sirius was almost shaking with fury.

"I told him to bugger off and leave me alone, but he just wouldn't quit. I got to hear all about Reg's new friends. He loved telling me about how he took Reg under his wing. How proud Reg was to finally have an older brother who looked out for him."

James looked like someone just took the wind out of his sails.

"I never told him outright." Sirius shook his head. "But I did tell him to go. He's been sneaking around after us for months. Been tormenting Peter and poking fun at Remus for ages. So yeah, I told him to go find what he was looking for."

James swallowed and took a step forward.

"Pads," he said. "I didn't know about….about…"

"Doesn't matter though, does it? Not to you lot." Sirius expostulated.

"Sirius!" James shook his head. "Remus would have never forgiven himself if something had happened. You have to see that. I don't care about Snivellus, but Moony's our mate."

The two boys stared each other down. Neither of them spoke. Calandra didn't know what to do. She felt like she should leave but couldn't force her feet to move. Sirius's chin was lifted defiantly. James was breathing harshly. Calandra looked between the two of them for several long minutes.

"I've already apologized to him." Sirius finally said. "He won't listen to me."

"He'll come around." James said. "Just give him time."

James walked the few steps between them and slung an arm across Sirius's shoulders.

"You know Moony needs to brood over everything before he gets back to normal."

Sirius laughed a jerky laugh and clapped James on the back.

"I'm sorry, Pads." James said quietly. "I should've talked to you, instead of flying off the broom at you."

"You can stop avoiding me, now." Sirius said with a smirk.

"Fat lot of good it did. You found me, didn't you?" James protested good naturedly.

"I wasn't looking for _you_ , you prat." He gave James a shove, then seemed to remember Calandra was there.

He turned to her and gave her a lopsided smile.

"Sorry, White. Got a bit carried away there. Fancy a stroll in the moonlight?" Sirius asked.

"No, that's ok. You two go on." She said.

"Raincheck, then." Sirius said with a wink and turned back to James.

The two of them walked around the edge of the castle together and Calandra made her way back up to the dorms. She went straight to Remus's dorm and went in without knocking. He and Peter were playing a lazy game of gobstones on the floor in front of their beds. Peter looked relieved when he saw it was her.

"I want to say something to the both of you." she said.

"There's more to the story than you know. You need to let up on him."

She turned to Remus and gave him a penetrating look.

"I know that you're furious." She said. "I know that he screwed up. I know what he did was wrong, but you need to listen to him if he tries to talk to you. That's all."

She turned to leave but Remus's voice stopped her.

"Easy for you to say. _We're_ not blinded by his charm, you know." He said, a sneer seeping into his words.

Calandra stood by the door and turned back to him. She looked him square in the eye.

"Neither am I." she said, evenly.

She saw something flicker in Remus's eyes before she turned around and closed the door behind her.

* * *

March 20, 1976

Things returned to normal fairly quickly. James and Sirius fell back into their normal routine of pranks and general mischief. Many people had noticed their absence and Calandra even saw Professor McGonagall hide a smile before reprimanding them when she caught them turning Mary's quill into a self-playing flute.

Peter gladly joined in, thankful to have his friends back. He and Sirius got detention right off for flinging dungbombs at Filch's office, then again for hiding more dungbombs in his mop bucket.

Remus took the longest. He was distant for weeks afterwards, even to Calandra. She'd catch him looking at her with a guarded expression during meals. She tried to get him to talk about what happened, but he wouldn't.

She knew the whole story now. Sirius had told her everything the night after his confrontation with James. He'd taken a deep breath and explained what had happened. It wasn't very pretty.

Snape had cornered him outside of the dungeon and goaded Sirius about his brother. Sirius had told Snape that he'd find something interesting if he went down to a secret spot on the grounds. Sirius glossed over where exactly, but Calandra knew he meant the Whomping Willow. She'd seen the tunnel plain enough on the map. When James found out, he had gone after Snape and saved him before anything could happen.

Calandra was horrified. That night was the full moon and Remus would've absolutely hurt Snape; probably killed him even. He'd have never forgiven himself for it either, loathsome as Snape was. She thought back to the way Sirius had looked when he told James what Snape had said about Regulus. As horrified as she was at what he did, she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. If someone used Alice against her, she could only imagine the type of reaction she'd have.

Calandra smiled when Sirius looked over at her from where he sat in Runes. He pulled a face at the chunks of stone they had on desks in front of them and turned back to his work. She looked down at the slab on her own desk and flipped though her book. Usually she and Remus would split the work, but he'd been in no mood to talk to her that day, so she'd worked through the runes on the stone by herself.

She was just translating the sixth marking when a parchment on the table was pushed closer to her.

"I've got the last four." Remus said.

She looked up at him to find a crooked smile on his face.

"Well," she said, pulling the parchment toward her and studying the runes he'd translated. "I've translated the first five."

"Want to trade?" he asked.

"Have you finally forgiven me?" she asked.

He nodded. "There's nothing to forgive really. You were trying to be a good friend. I was just upset."

"Have you forgiven him?" Calandra looked up her friend.

Remus hesitated. He glanced up to where Sirius sat and then back to her. Finally, he nodded.

"Yes. I'm still furious with him. With his disregard for what could have happened, but I don't lay all the blame on him anymore."

"Did he tell you what happened?" Calandra asked.

"No." Remus shook his head. "James gave me the gist of it."

Calandra nodded and turned back to her parchment. She copied down the meanings of the runes Remus had translated, then sat back with her arms crossed.

"Go on, then." she nodded towards her parchment. "I did all the hard ones."

Remus grinned and pulled the parchments to him, carefully copying down her translations. He floated both their assignments up to Professor Ratsel and then class was dismissed. Remus followed her to the door and held it open for her.

"Thanks for handing in notes for me." He said softly. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime, Remus. Anytime." She said with a smile


	24. Chapter 24

June 10, 1976

"Fifteen minutes!" Professor Flitwik called out.

Calandra scratched her quill across the parchment, carefully writing out the last answers for the exam. She rolled her neck and reread her answers. All in order, she should get an Outstanding, no problem. She looked up and waves of black hair caught her eye just like always.

She sighed and swallowed a smile. He'd leant back in his chair and was balancing it on two legs. His parchment and test booklet pushed off to the side. She hoped he'd taken it seriously. Potter turned around from where he sat toward the front and grinned at whatever Sirius did. She shook her head and smiled down at the table. Those two were something else.

She yawned and put her head in her hand, her face tilting towards her left. She noticed Remus, a couple seats down, absorbed in his work. He scratched his chin with his quill and sighed. He looked tired. She knew he was worrying himself over the upcoming week. He looked up and then caught her gaze. He smirked then rolled his eyes at something in front of them.

When she looked over, she found grey eyes taking her in. She smiled and raised her eyebrows at him, and he lifted his in return. Sirius gave her a wink and leant forward, his chair setting flat on the floor.

"Quills down, please," Professor Flitwik called out. "That means you too, Stebbins!" He gave a sharp look at Phillip Stebbins who was still scrawling. "Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio."

Her parchment floated up and flew towards Flitwik along with all the others. She heard an "Oof" and saw the tiny man fall back at the force of all the parchment. She chuckled and watched a couple Hufflepuffs help Flitwik back to his feet, giving him a clap on the shoulder.

"Thank you…thank you," Flitwik straightened himself. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

She stood up and put her exam paper and quill into her bag, looking around for Alice. She was waiting at the end of the row for her. Calandra went and met her there. Dorcas joined them and as they were walking toward the door they fell into step with Mary and Lily.

They chatted about the test. Mary was a bit nervous.

"I always get the defensive spells mixed up. I don't think I matched Langlock to the right offensive spell." She chewed at her fingernail.

"I'm sure you did fine," Dorcas said patting her on the shoulder, "It didn't seem to be as bad as I thought it would be."

"That's easy for you to say." Calandra laughed, walking out into the sunshine. "As if anyone could ever best you in a duel. You're always the quickest to attack and the first to disarm."

"It's so interesting!" Dorcas looked off into the distance. "Kettleburn signed off on that library book and I've been reading it for the past three days. There are some wild spells in there. I can't wait to practice them."

"You're a right force to be reckoned with, Dor." Lily said. "By the time we're through with school you'll probably be able to duel Dumbledore."

The girls laughed and settled themselves on the bank by the lake. Alice tore off her shoes and socks and sat kicking her feet lightly in the water. Dorcas and Mary did the same. Lily leant back with her hands behind her, her legs stretched out and her face tilted up. Calandra sat next Alice, her arms crossed over her knees.

"Can you believe it?" Lily said disgustedly.

"What?" Alice asked.

Lily gestured across the lake and the girls turned to see what she was talking about. James Potter, of course, sitting with his friends. Dorcas rolled her eyes, Mary smiled and shook her head. Alice shared a look with Calandra and turned her attention back to the water. Calandra watched Potter. He was playing with a Snitch and Pettigrew was watching with rapt attention. The other two were ignoring the display, Remus studying a book and Sirius laying back on his elbows looking bored. She smiled to herself, him being bored usually ended in mayhem.

"It's a wonder Madam Hooch hasn't tracked him down yet." Lily said darkly.

"Doesn't seem to be hurting anything," Dorcas said easily, kicking her feet in the shallows.

Lily scowled in Potter's general direction, then turned her attention back to the girls. "What do you want to do for your birthday, Dor?"

"Ahh, I don't know," Dorcas said splashing water towards Alice. "Probably just meet up and have dinner. Maybe go flying or something."

"Just owl and let us know which restaurant you choose and we'll be there." Calandra said.

"Even if its that French place Mary dragged us to?" Dorcas gave them all a look.

They laughed.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad. You were all just put off by the escargot." Mary protested.

"They were magical snails, Mary." Alice laughed. "Great big orange things with purple spots…who knows what they'd have done to us."

They heard a shout and saw people getting to their feet. The girls looked up the hill. Familiar figures faced off.

"You've got to be joking!" Lily fumed getting to her feet.

"He can take care of himself you know." Mary said tiredly. "He put Peter in the hospital last month."

Lily stood there; arms crossed. They all looked toward the small crowd. Laughter rippled through it and a few people shifted. Calandra saw Sirius and Potter standing in front of Severus Snape, who was wiggling on the ground.

"Well, two against one is hardly fair is it?" Lily bit out and stomped up the hill.

Mary sighed. She started to dry her feet off and pull her socks on. Alice and Dorcas followed suit. They heard Lily yell at the boys. Calandra looked across the lake. Remus sat with his book by the lake; he made no move to get up and join his friends. She sighed and stood up, reaching out a hand to Alice and helping her to her feet. The other girls stood up and they made their way up the hill.

They'd just reached the top of the hill when they heard Snapes voice spit, "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

Alice gasped. Mary huffed. Calandra looked at Lily. The fire seemed to go out of her friend's eyes. She blinked.

"Fine," she said. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you Snivellus."

That was new. Calandra exchanged a glance with Mary.

Potter was furious.

"Apologize to Evans!" He demanded, pointing his wand at Snape.

"I don't want you to make him apologize," Lily turned on Potter. "You're as bad as he is."

James looked like someone had knocked the wind out of him, "I'd NEVER call you a—you-know-what!"

Lily scoffed, "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch," Alice shot Calandra a look and she smiled. Mary let out a sigh beside them. They'd heard all this before. Lily stared Potter down as she continued her tirade. She spun on her heel and stalked away.

"Evans! Hey EVANS!" James called.

She never looked back. Mary sighed another long sigh and followed the path Lily had taken towards the doors.

Dorcas grimaced at them and said, "See you in the dorm," and followed after them.

Alice just looked at Calandra and said a little sadly, "Do you think she'll ever admit it to herself?"

"Not if he keeps acting like that." Calandra shook her head. She moved through the crowd up toward the castle. There was a flash of light and she looked back, Snape hung in the air.

"Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?" James crowed.

She met a pair of grey eyes and glanced back up to where Lily had disappeared. She looked back at Potter, then met those grey eyes once more. She gave a soft shake of her head and turned back towards the castle.

* * *

June 10, 1976

Mary walked into the dorm and went over to the bed in the corner.

"I tried to get him to leave. He won't. I reckon he's planning on sleeping out there." She said softly.

"We'll go get rid of him if you want us to," Calandra said nodding towards Dorcas. Dorcas nodded and grabbed her wand from the night table.

"No, it's fine. I'll go." Lily got up and threw on her dressing gown.

"Do you think she'll finally cut him off?" Alice asked looking after her.

"If this doesn't do it nothing will," Mary said taking her robes off. "She's made excuses for everything else, but he's never directed any of that towards her. If she tries to excuse this there's no hope."

"Do you think he's tried to get her to join their little club?" Dorcas asked disgustedly.

Mary shook her head as she pulled on her pajama pants, "I don't know. She won't hardly talk to me about him. It wouldn't surprise me if he did try, though."

"You don't think she'd ever do it would you?" Dorcas asked quietly.

"No," Calandra said. "She hates the dark arts, you know that."

"Yeah, well, most people have a price." Dorcas said a little sadly.

"What's yours?" Alice asked.

"I said most people," Dorcas shot back. "I'd rather die than be a Death Eater."

"Me, too." Calandra said, thinking of Avery.

The door opened and Lily came back into the room.

"Goodnight." She said in a tight clipped voice and crawled into her bed.

The girls all exchanged glances and went to their own beds.

* * *

June 19, 1976

"Want a bit of company?" A voice came from the top of the stairs.

Calandra looked up to find Lily leaning against the railing. Her blue pajama pants clashed brilliantly with an orange dressing gown.

"You look like you've been dressed by Filch." Calandra said with a smile.

Lily started walking down the staircase

"Alice's cat got ahold of my dressing gown so I borrowed Dor's. Could you imagine me choosing this color on my own? With my hair?" She pulled a face and came to the window.

"What's keeping you up at all hours of the night?"

What wasn't?

"It's just nice to sit here." Calandra said, staring out the window. "I come down here sometimes and think of my mother. We'd sit in the window seat at home and she'd tell me stories."

"What was she like?" Lily asked. "I only got to meet her one time, but she seemed like such fun."

"She was," Calandra grinned. Her eyes grew wet like they did most times she thought of her mother. It hurt to smile. "She was my best friend."

"She used to braid my hair at bedtime and sing to me. Her hands were so soft, but her voice was softer somehow. My father...didn't...didn't like noise." She looked out the window, staring at the stars. "So, she'd sing as softly as she could."

She drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Rain fell softly against the window.

"That's what I think of when I think of home. Her hands in my hair, her voice, and her smell." She laughed a sharp laugh. "You know the smell your mum has? Like, you can catch a whiff of it somewhere else and you turn around expecting her or she sends you a package and it's so comforting because it smells like her...like home"

Lily nodded.

"That's what I miss the most, I think. That feeling of being at home." Tears dropped from her eyes.

Lily didn't say anything, she reached out and rubbed Calandra's arm.

"What about you?" Calandra asked, looking out at the grounds.

"What about me?" Lily asked.

"You haven't eaten a proper dinner in days, you won't talk to anyone, you don't even raise your hand in Slughorn's class anymore." she said looking over at her.

"I haven't felt well." Lily said looking at the fireplace.

"Yeah, I wouldn't either if my best friend talked to me like that " Calandra said drily.

Lily's head whipped around and she opened her mouth to say something then closed it. She pulled her feet up into the window seat and both girls just stared out at the dark for a moment.

"I always thought he'd come to his senses and stop hanging out with them, " she said. "He always pulled away when I'd question him about it so I figured if I didn't push it then he would just figure out on his own how horrible they are and how wrong it is to use what we have for such bad things and how vile those beliefs are." She shook her head. "I guess I always thought we'd be friends. That he didn't care what I was."

"Don't say it like that." Calandra said, voice strong, eyes on Lily.

"What do you mean" Lily said.

"Don't say it like there's something about you people have to look past. Because there isn't." She took Lily's hand and said. "Who your parents are don't make you any less of a person and they don't make you any less of a witch."

"Ha. You say that like you believe it." Lily said with a sharp laugh.

"That's because I do believe it. And if you asked any decent person, they'd say the same."

"Not the purebloods." Lily said quietly.

"I'm saying it now. Mary would say it. Longbottom would say it. Gideon and Fabian would say it. Alice has said it. Sirius would say it." Lily looked up at Calandra. "Potter has said it a thousand times. Lewis would say it. Spence would say it. So many other people would say it too. And they'd be telling the truth. Because it doesn't matter. The people that don't carry around that sort of hate in their heart can say it, because they know that it doesn't make them less of a person to admit that you're just as magical as they are even without having magical parents."

Lily smiled at her.

"There is nothing wrong with you. Not one thing."

Lily smiled and said, "You know, I can tell myself that during the day. When they whisper Mudblood and try to hex my ears to grow or charm my shoes stuck to the floor. I can dish it out to them, and it doesn't bother me. But when there's no-one around to fight and I'm lying in bed it's a lot harder."

"I know." Calandra said. "I've watched you spit fire at enough people to know that it would have to die down sometime."

Calandra grabbed her wand from the windowsill and conjured two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Here, nothing like chocolate to go along with a nice girl's chat." she held out a mug.

Lily smiled and took a sip. The sat in silence for a bit.

"That wasn't the first time he'd said it you know?" Calandra said looking down into her cup.

"It was the first time he'd said it in front of me. To me." Lily said.

"Did you love him?" Calandra asked, unsure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"What?" Lily's head jerked up.

"Did you love Snape?" She repeated. Lily just looked at her, so she continued, "Love makes you do stupid stuff. Like staying with someone even though they're no good for you."

Lily stared out the window and breathed a long breathe.

"Not like that, no." She finally said. "He was my best friend. The first person who showed me magic and the only person I could talk to for so long about ...well...everything. Magic and my family, and just life. And apparently I wasn't good enough to hold that position." her shoulders slumped.

"Ridiculous!" Calandra barked. "You think you weren't good enough to be that slimeball's best friend. You're too good for that greasy, creeping git of a..." she trailed off at the smirk on Lily's face.

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away."

"Is that really what you think of him?" Lily asked curiously.

"Oh, well. Yeah." Calandra admitted. "He never made any effort to be friendly with any of us, even back in the beginning. I tried and he'd just brush me off. He always just lurked around you until you two left. He hexed a second year earlier this year just because they asked him if he'd ever heard of a thing called shampoo. He and Avery used some sort of dark arts on the pumpkins down at the edge of the school and the next thing you know half of Hufflepuffs are sick with something from drinking the pumpkin juice. Then there's what he said to you. And you know...how he duels."

"What do you mean how he duels?" Lily asked. "Black and Potter duel twice as much and you-"

"No, not the fact that it happens," Calandra said, "How he does it. He goes straight for the kill. I don't like what Sirius and Potter do either and I've told them as much. But you have to admit...when it first started it was just a bit of fun. Just pranks. Just charming his hair into pigtails or putting snails in his school bag."

  
She looked at Lily to find her brow furrowed. "Snape always came with a curse that would hurt. He gave them third degree burns our second year for turning his robes pink. So, they decided to fight dirty, too."

Lily frowned and opened her mouth, but Calandra continued.

"I know Snape's probably had a rough go of it at home. I've overheard some of your conversations. I know some of it is just self-preservation. But look at Sirius. He never duels like that. He can't have had an easy life all these years. His family hates him, really hates him. I hadn't realized just how much until here recently. But he never tries to actually _hurt_ people with his magic."

Lily seemed to be lost in thought.

"I'm not excusing what they did. Those two are always looking to get a rise out of Snape, but he's started his fair share of those fights."

"I'd forgotten about that in second year." Lily said chewing on her thumb.

"It was the first time I'd seen anyone hurt someone else with magic," Calandra ran her finger around the rim of her mug. "I'll never forget it."

"I guess...I just looked past all the negatives because he was my friend." She said. "I still don't think he's really a bad person, but-"

"Bad people can do good things, Lily. And lots of good people do bad things, too." Calandra said gently.

She sat her cup down on the windowsill and stood up, "I'm going to head to bed…you coming?"

"I'll be up in a bit," Lily raised her mug up and said, "I'm going to finish my chocolate "

"Goodnight, Lily."

"Goodnight Calandra."

* * *

June 21, 1976

She left McGonagall's office feeling strangely light. Like some of the weights on her shoulders had suddenly lifted and she could breathe again. McGonagall had agreed to write to her father mentioning extra credit studies she could participate in over the summer if she wanted. Between that and Alice inviting her to stay, she may not have to go back home at all. She felt freer than she had in ages.

She was walking up the corridor towards Gryffindor Tower. She'd just turned the corner when a small golden ball came flying out of the classroom to her right and hovered right in front of her. A snitch. She reached out and grabbed it before she even knew what she had done. She turned her head towards the open door of the classroom and found James Potter's surprised eyes looking back at her. This would be fun.

She smirked and kept walking. Just as Potter got over his initial shock, she waved her wand behind her back and closed the door in his face, charming it locked. She heard muffled laughter and "Oi! White! That's my snitch" and giggled. She set off running to the portrait hole and gave the password. They'd have the door open in no time at all. She needed to find…. There she was, sitting with Alice.

Calandra strode over to the couch where her friends were sitting, grabbing a handful of sweets from the bowl on the side table as she went. She leant toward Lily Evans and dangled the snitch in her fingers.

"You want to get a little revenge on Hogwarts' resident prankster, here's your chance."

Lily's eyes glinted as she plucked the snitch from Calandra's fingers. Calandra sat down and drew a journal and a quill from her bag as Lily waved her wand over the snitch and shoved it in her pocket. Calandra found the candy she was looking for and propped her feet on the stool in front of her giving Alice a wink.

She'd just opened her journal and perched her inkpot on the arm of the couch when the portrait hole burst open and James Potter jumped through. He searched the room for a second, then his eyes found her. He strode over to her, his three friends following behind shaking with laughter.

"I think you have something that belongs to me, White." He stopped in front of her.

"Oh?" she said looking up at him. "What's that?"

"Come on, White, just give me the snitch. I have to have it back on the quidditch pitch tomorrow evening." He said.

"I don't have a snitch," she said casting a gaze around the room. "Did you lose it? I can help you look for it."

"I didn't bloody well lose it. Just give it back." He said throwing his hands up in exasperation.

His friends were watching in avid anticipation.

"I told you, I don't have it." She shot back at him.

"Oh yeah," he said crossing his arms. "You wouldn't be hiding in in that sodding book you're always carrying around." He gestured to her journal.

"I wouldn't think so," she said calmly.

"I don't have time for this." Potter said reaching for his wand. "Accio snitch."

Nothing happened.

"You didn't have to do that," Calandra said with a smile. "I told you I'd help you look for it."

"Merlin's sweaty-" Potter reached for her journal just as she pulled a small sweet from between the pages. He stared at it in her fingers.

"Now, Potter!" she said with a laugh. "You didn't think this was the snitch, did you?"

She held up the small round sweet wrapped in gold paper.

"I told you, I didn't have it." She said unwrapping it.

He looked from the sweet in her hand back to her face. Remus gave a snort of laughter behind him that he didn't quite manage to turn into a cough. Sirius was shaking with laughter. Peter looked on with rapt attention between the two of them.

Calandra brought the truffle up to her mouth and took a bite. She looked up at Potter and said.

"I'll be willing to look over your mistrust of me if you'd like some." She held up the candy.

"No?" she said raising an eyebrow. "Ahh, well. More for me."

Potter turned and strode toward the stairs.

"Oi! Potter!" Calandra called.

He turned and glared at her.

"Would you be a dear and throw this away for me." She waved the golden wrapper in the air.

Potter grumbled and stomped his way up the stairs.

"Where's your sense of chivalry! Are you a Gryffindor or what?" she called after him, then turned to the girls beside her. "Here, I thought he was raised to be a gentleman."

Alice laughed and Lily shook her head. Calandra felt a small tug on the wrapper in her hand.

"Allow me to prove chivalry isn't completely dead." Sirius Black said, his eyes laughing.

Lily snorted next to Calandra. "Brave Sirius Black riding in on his white horse to save a damsel from a sweet wrapper? Come off it!"

Calandra sat up straight.

"Quite right you, are. Slay the foul beast, Sir Black." She said with mock severity.

"Oh, I think you wounded him enough, don't you think." Sirius jerked his head toward the boy's dormitory.

Calandra raised her eyebrows at him.

"It appears I don't need a knight to save me then." She quipped.

"No, you don't." he agreed. "But I'm sure he'd still love a token of your affection."

She held out the sweet wrapper to him with a wink.

"I'll treasure it always, fair maid." He said clasping it to his heart.

Remus rolled his eyes as he chuckled.

Calandra watched as Sirius turned back to his friends and walked up the stairs. She turned to see Lily rolling her eyes and Alice watching her with a soft expression. She grinned at Alice and turned to Lily.

"So, what's your plan?" she asked, excitedly.


	25. Chapter 25

July 7, 1976

Their first date outside of school had been that summer. They'd gone to a concert. Sirius had dragged Remus out to London and made him help him buy tickets and learn how to use the bus.

Sirius took Calandra out to Lyceum Theatre and they'd almost deafened themselves with rock music. They got fish and chips at a little diner and walked around London hand in hand before going back to Alice's house.

Calandra watched him walk down the path from Alice's house and smiled. It had been such fun, going out in the muggle world with him. He'd taken everything in stride and absolutely gagged over the clothes that some of the people their age were wearing.

He turned around and jogged back up the path to her and she looked at him with surprise. He swung up onto the porch and leaned over the rail, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"What was that for?" she asked with a laugh.

"Just didn't want the night to end yet." He said and hopped over the rail.

He leant back against it and ran his hands through his hair. He turned to face her and spoke quickly.

"I'm in love with you." He breathed. "No…that's not what I wanted to say."

Calandra recoiled and he shook his head, disgusted at himself.

"No. That's not…I am." He said. "I _am_ in love with you. I've been half in love with you for….But that's not what I was trying to say tonight."

"I love you." he finally met her eyes.

"I like spending time with you," he said. "It's been almost eight months since the first time I kissed you and I'm still reeling from that honestly."

Calandra's breath caught in her throat.

"You're the most amazing person I've ever met. You're smart and you're funny and you're so nice and beautiful and just pretty much everything that I've ever wanted."

He scratched the back of his neck and looked at his feet.

"And I just wanted you to know." He said. "This isn't me giving you the run around. It isn't just a bit of fun. I don't want it to be just a bit of fun."

Calandra nodded and swallowed.

"You don't have to say it back." He said quickly. "I'm not saying it to you, so you'll say it back to me. But I wanted you to know."

Calandra lost herself in grey pools of tender emotion. It was supposed to be difficult. She'd always thought love was supposed to be hard and something you always had to work at, and maybe it was. Maybe it would be, later on when they'd lived a bit more life. But right now, it was easier than breathing.

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his hair. He stroked her back soothingly, speaking calmly and quietly in her ear.

"I know how you feel about it all." He said. "I don't need you to do anything other than be yourself. I'm not expecting anything. I just wanted you to know."

"I know." Calandra said.

She swallowed at the look in his eyes.

"It's going to be hard for me to say it." She said, feeling ashamed. "It doesn't come easy to me. But it doesn't mean that I don't feel it."

He smiled and pressed his forehead against hers.

* * *

August 9, 1976

"I still say this is mad." Calandra laughed as she stepped into the dusty stairway.

"Yeah, well, I am mad for you," he said turning to give her a kiss. "Consider it my Christmas gift."

"Christmas is almost six months away," she slapped his arm and followed him up the stairs. "Besides, you already got a gift this year, in case you've forgotten. I gave it to you weeks ago."

"And let me tell you, I've never appreciated a gift more," He laid a hand across his heart dramatically. "I thought I'd died and gone to heaven when I opened that box."

"Exactly, so why am I sneaking through here?" She exclaimed quietly.

"You mean, you don't find this thrilling?" he gave her a devilish grin. "Knowing we could get caught, sneaking around, that sort of thing?"

"So, this is just one big fetish to you?" she whispered back.

"Nah, I just missed you. Anything else is just the cherry on top. Stay here." He stopped at the wall in front of him and said a password.

The wall glowed with a constellation and he softly pushed open the square and looked out. He crawled through the opening and she waited. She heard a door open and held her breath. A moment later his head poked back into the opening.

"Come on," he whispered.

He took her hand and helped her out of the opening. They silently made their way across the room and turned the knob on the door. He swung it open and they came face to face with Regulus Black. Calandra gasped.

Regulus looked between the two of them, glancing down at their hands and back to their faces. He looked a bit bored when he spoke.

"You know she won't be happy if she finds out."

Sirius just looked at his brother.

"Sirius Black, get down here this instant!" Walburga's shriek echoed up the stairs.

His eyes grew wide and he muttered, "Bloody hell. I thought she'd gone to bed."

"You ungrateful, disappointing, excuse for a-"

"Go on," Regulus said lowly, cutting through the noise. "It'll only get worse. I've got her."

"Shameful, disgraceful, sorry…"

Sirius sighed and went downstairs, loudly stating, "I am coming Mother!"

Regulus jerked his head towards a room further up the hall and she followed him to it. She read the nameplate on the door and stepped into the room. Silver and green painted the room. The Slytherin crest was on his headboard and a photo of him in his school robes stood on his bureau.

"He seems to have a death wish." Regulus said sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Tell me about it," Calandra said rolling her eyes. "What's she going on about?"

Regulus shrugged and loosened his tie, "It's always some sort of the same thing. He's exists and she finds something wrong with it, then he can't keep his big mouth shut, and she goes off."

He sighed, "He'd have an easier time if he didn't do everything in his power to defy her."

"Like you?" she asked bitterly. "Mummy's perfect little pureblood."

He shot her a dirty look, "Keeps me from getting hexed every holiday, doesn't it?"

Her eyes grew wide. She knew Walburga was a horrid old bat. But she didn't know that.

"She does that? To him?" she asked horrified.

Regulus stared at his feet. "Not so much anymore. She used to when we were younger."

She just stared at him.

Regulus's door opened and Sirius swept in.

"Right," he said putting on a quick smile. "I've gotten the daily disappointment meeting out of the way. Shall we go somewhere a bit more private, love?"

He snaked an arm around her waist, and she smiled a faint smile at him.

Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, Reg. I'll return the favor anytime you sneak a bird in, yeah?" Sirius raised his eyebrows at his brother.

"Why even sneak her in?" Regulus asked in a bored voice. "She's a pureblood. I mean, she's not in the book, but it might put you back in her good graces."

"Well, the old bat wouldn't very well let her spend the night, now would she?" Sirius spat. "And who says I want to be in her graces?"

Regulus shook his head and waved his hand at them.

"Go on." he said. "I won't tell her."

Sirius shot him a quick smile and pulled Calandra out of the room and down the hall. They slid into his room and she bit back a laugh. He'd hung the pictures up.

"Made quick work of it didn't you?" she said gesturing to them.

"Can you blame me?" he said twirling her around. "It's the perfect way to fall asleep every night and the perfect thing to wake up to every morning."

She walked over to the bookcase in his room and ran a finger down their spines. His room couldn't have been more different from his brother's. It could have easily been the Gryffindor common room. She peered at the drawer pulls on the bureau.

"Lions?" she laughed. "A Gryffindor through and through."

"Ahh," he said, his eyes gleaming. "You've found my hiding spot."

"Your hiding spot? What, you hide dirty magazines in your dresser drawers?"

"I hardly need a reason for dirty magazines now do I?" he gave a pointed look towards the pictures on his walls. "Have a little decorum."

Calandra rolled her eyes at him.

"Watch this." He said waving his wand and murmuring a spell. He gave his password and before her eyes a new drawer appeared.

Her eyes widened.

"Impressive." she said. "An undetectable extension charm?"

"Ten points to Gryffindor."

"And the password?" she intoned.

"A bit of fun." He smiled. "Giving a nod to family tradition, while turning it on its head."

She peered into the drawer as he opened it. She recognized the stack of letters in one corner and her heart swelled. He'd kept them all. She reached in and grabbed one of his school ties.

"Why's this in here?" she asked. "It's not like they don't know which house you're in."

"It's not mine," he said, a smile playing at his lips.

"Whose is it?" she asked.

"Whose do you think?" he replied cocking an eyebrow at her.

She laughed, "Why do you have one of my ties?"

"You gave it to me." He said sitting on the edge of his bed.

"What? No, I didn't" she protested.

"Mmhmm." He said smiling, "McGonagall was getting ready to dock points because I wasn't in uniform and you threw it at me. Told me to stop being such a bloody git and dress myself properly."

She smiled at the memory. "I forgot all about that. You kept it all this time?"

He nodded.

"What else have you got stashed away in here? Is this where you keep your sweets safe, too?" she asked, turning back to the bureau.

Sirius stretched out on his bed and kicked a foot toward the small table at the side of his bed.

"Crisps and sodas are in there; you won't find snacks rummaging around in drawers full of my socks."

"You bought crisps?" Calandra turned around.

Sirius grinned at her.

"Of course. They're your favorite. What kind of host would I be if I didn't provide appropriate sustenance?"

Calandra pulled a bag out of the pocket of her cloak and tossed it to him. He opened it to find Caramel Cobwebs.

"Consider a gift to the host." Calandra said, giving a deep curtsy.

Sirius scooted to the end of the bed, popping a sweet in his mouth.

"What other surprises are you hiding in there, Cal?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.

"I guess you'll just have to wait and find out." Calandra said mysteriously, wrapping an arm around his neck.

* * *

August 10, 1976

"You look like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth." Alice smirked at her from where she sat on her bed.

Calandra rolled her eyes at her friend. She plopped down beside Alice and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks for covering for me." She said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Alice said. "I expect retribution one day."

"That's it?" Calandra was surprised. "You're usually much more ruthless than that. I expected to have to do your Charms homework for a week."

"Oh no." Alice said. "That's not it, that's only part of it. I fended off my mother for an entire night. I deserve details. Spill."

"Alice!" Calandra's cheeks grew red. "That's….that's…"

"So you did?" Alice laughed.

"No!" Calandra cried.

"You didn't?" Alice's eyes grew round.

Calandra blushed furiously. She didn't look at Alice when she answered.

"Not everything, no."

"But, something." Alice prompted.

"Merlin's balls, Alice." Calandra threw herself back on the bed. "I'll tell you, just stop asking me questions, ok!"

"Girls!" a voice called out. "Calandra! Alice! Dinner is ready!"

"Thank god." Calandra hopped off the bed and rushed toward the door.

Alice followed close behind her.

"Don't think you're getting out of it that easily." Alice warned. "I expect a full report after dinner."

Calandra laughed and looked toward the stairs.

"Maybe your Gran will want someone to cross stitch with her." She said.

"Oh no." Alice said pityingly. "Was it that bad? You'd rather cross stitch with my Gran than tell me about it? And here I thought he'd be rather good at it."

Calandra drew herself up.

"I'll have you know that-" she cut off at Alice's failed attempt to hide a smile.

"No." Calandra shook her head. "Nope, you're not getting me with that."

"Come on." Alice weaved her arm through Calandra's. "You can tell me all about it after dinner. We've only got a couple more days until you have to go back home. Let's make the most of it."

* * *

August 15, 1976

"I'm going out, Father." She grabbed her cloak and wrapped it around her.

"We've an engagement with the Selwyn's at six this evening. You won't be late." He said without looking up from his newspaper.

"Yes, sir." She said donning her scarf and gloves.

She bounded out the door before he could say anything else. She ran down the street and into an alley. She needed to get to a floo, and quickly. Sirius had sent her a short note saying that she could reach him if she needed to at James's, but it hadn't been his usual owl.

She ran down to the corner of the road and walked up to the house with the blue shutters. Mrs. Thisbee was a kindly old witch who adored Calandra's mother. She'd let her in many times before when Calandra was trying to avoid her father.

She knocked on the door and heard shuffling footsteps. The door opened and the tiny witch stood before Calandra in a robe and house slippers that looked like Nifflers.

"Well, hello dear!" Mrs. Thisbee said with a smile, she peered around the young girl, looking to see if anyone was with her. "Your chap not with you today?"

"No," Calandra said with a smile. "I'm on my way to him, now. When did you see him with me?"

Mrs. Thisbee ushered her in and said, "I keep my eye on you, young lady. I used to use your hiding spot behind the arbor there myself."

"I can't imagine your father approving of the handsome rogue." Mrs. Thisbee smiled.

"He doesn't approve of anything I do." Calandra replied squeezing the old woman's hand.

"Well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." She sent the young girl a wink, "You apparating or do you want floo powder?"

Calandra smiled. Mrs. Thisbee was one of a kind.

"Floo, please."

"Go on, then," she pointed a finger towards the fireplace. "You know the address for the way back, too."

Calandra wrapped the small witch into a hug.

"Thank you, Mrs. Thisbee." She whispered and turned toward the fireplace.

Mrs. Thisbee smiled at her and waved her on. Calandra disappeared in a flash of green flames and stumbled into an unfamiliar sitting room. An older man peered at her from over the rims of his glasses. He folded his newspaper calmly and said,

"Second room on the right. You've got about ten minutes before my wife will descend on you."

She glanced toward the door.

"Don't bother apologizing for intruding," the man said, taking his glasses off and cleaning them. "We knew you'd be here. If you go on through now, I'll win ten galleons off James."

She smiled at him and said, "I'll make sure you get it, then. I'm Calandra White. Wonderful to meet you."

She strode out the door and down the hall, stopping outside the second door on the right. She knocked then went right on in.

Two boys looked up at her from the floor beside the bed. James Potter's face split into a wide grin then he glanced at his watch. He pulled a face.

"You couldn't have waited another thirty seconds? Now I owe Dad ten galleons."

Sirius just stared at her.

"Are you ok?" She asked crossing over to him. "What's wrong?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I told you she'd come, mate." James said kicking his shoes off and flopping on his bed.

"Of course I came. I got your note." She searched his face. "What's happened?"

He looked over at James, then back to her.

"I left." he said.

It took her a second to understand.

"You left? Home? For good?" she asked.

He nodded.

"I couldn't take it anymore. I finally realized they were never going to change."

"What happened?" Calandra asked.

Sirius just looked at her.

"What did she do to you?" she demanded.

James stared at his feet. Sirius stared at the floor.

"Nothing she hasn't done before. I just couldn't live there anymore. So, I left. Came here." He smiled at James.

"Are you hurt? Should I go get potions?" She reached over to turn his face in her hands.

"He's fine, Mum" James said with a laugh.

She looked at Sirius's face. There was a thin scratch above one eye, but nothing else.

She breathed out a sigh and sat back. He flung an arm across her shoulders and she hugged him.

"I'm sorry." she said resting her head on his shoulder.

"You two have about two minutes before Mum starts the third degree," James said picking up a quidditch magazine and flipping through it.

"So give us some privacy, yeah mate?" Sirius said, "Twenty sodding rooms in this house and you're still in this one."

"This is my room." James said.

Calandra gave Sirius a wink and cut him off from what he was about to say next by pulling his shirt until his lips were on hers.

"Ugh, alright, alright" James huffed, rolling off the bed. "As if you could do anything worthwhile in two minutes anyways. You sure you weren't supposed to be in Slytherin, White?"

They all laughed. James strode over to the doorway and walked into the hall.

"Hi mum!" he said cheerfully from the hall. "Just the witch I wanted to see."

Sirius rolled his eyes and helped Calandra to her feet. She followed him out of the room and came face to face with the most motherly person she'd ever laid eyes on. Dark hair swept back from her face and kind hazel eyes shone at Calandra behind a pair of gold rimmed glasses.

"Euphemia, this is Calandra." Sirius said, nodding between the two. "Cals, this is Euphemia Potter."

Euphemia beamed at Sirius. She enveloped Calandra in a warm hug.

"I've heard so much about you! James mentioned you'd probably show up." She said warmly.

"Yes, thank you for allowing me to intrude in your home. I got your family's owl and I wanted to check and make sure everything was ok." Calandra said.

"Of course, dear. I'd be just the same. Would you like to join us for supper?"

Euphemia linked an arm through Calandra's and walked down the hall with her. Sirius smirked at them and followed behind.

"I'm very sorry, but I can't. My father has a business dinner and I'm required to attend, but I would love to some other time." Calandra said sincerely.

"Sirius, would you go tell Fleamont that Calandra won't be joining us for supper tonight? We'll be in the sitting room, love."

Sirius nodded and went off down the hall.

Euphemia looked after him fondly.

"He's finally out of that house." she murmured.

Calandra nodded; she felt close to tears.

"Don't let him go back." she whispered to the older witch. "Please don't let him go back."

Euphemia squared her shoulders and spoke with a fierce determination, "No son of mine will ever darken that doorstep again. Not while I'm alive."

They walked into the sitting room where James stood leaning against the wall. Sirius came in behind them with Fleamont.

"It was wonderful meeting you, and I'd love to stay and visit, but I really have to go back."

"Come back anytime, we'll keep the floo open for you." Fleamont said jovially.

"Lovely meeting you, dear. Take care." Euphemia patted Calandra's arm. She shook both of their hands and they walked from the room hand in hand. She smiled and turned to the other two people in the room.

Calandra surprised herself by flinging her arms around James Potter. He took a step back and Calandra whispered very quietly in his ear.

"Thank you."

He patted her back and gave her a smile.

She turned to Sirius and said, "I wish I didn't have to go, but my Father expects me at supper. Owl me ok? For anything."

He nodded and smiled.

"I'll see you soon."

"Won't be soon enough," he said with a wink and wrapped his arms around her.

She grabbed a handful of powder and stepped into the fireplace, hating the way the syllables of Mrs. Thisbee's address tasted on her tongue.


	26. Chapter 26

October 2, 1998

Calandra tapped her fingers against the table that stood next to the bed. The wood grain on the surface ebbed and flowed in dark circles out toward the edge of the table. A large knot in the center of it overshadowed the rest.

Such was Calandra's memories of her sixth year. One memory overshadowed them all. There were everyday memories held back in the deep recesses of her mind but pulling them forward exhausted her.

She ran her hands over the table and let her memories come forward of their own volition. Familiar faces and voices crowded her mind and she lost herself in another place and time.

* * *

September 10, 1976

Calandra and her friends sat around the breakfast table, eating and conversing with Marlene McKinnon and Emmaline Vance. Emmaline was a year behind her and had become very good friends with Marlene. Marlene was a nice girl who'd been attending Uagadou up until her family moved to London over the summer. She'd been telling everyone about her school and how much she was enjoying Hogwarts so far.

"I've read about the Forbidden Forest." She said. "There's a magical forest close to our school, but not near as many creatures live in it."

"You know it's not really forbidden." Potter leaned forward conspiratorially. "The name's just a bit of a deterrent."

"Don't listen to him," Emmaline said. "It is forbidden. It's just that some idiots pay absolutely no mind to school rules. It can be quite dangerous in the forest."

Marlene's eyes got wide.

"Pfft," Potter puffed. "It isn't that dangerous. I've gone in lots of times."

"Are you serious?" Marlene asked.

Many people spoke at once.

"No!" Dorcas said.

"Ugh, not again." Alice groaned.

"Just when we were over-" Calandra laughed.

Potter's eyes crinkled and he smiled as Sirius cut across everyone and drawled, "Nope, but I am."

Marlene looked bewildered.

Sirius leaned across James and held out a hand.

"Sirius Black, pleasure to meet you."

Marlene shook his hand and said, "Your name…is Serious?"

"S-I-R-I-U-S." Emmaline spelled out, rolling her eyes.

"Oh," Marlene breathed. "Ok. Nice to meet you."

Sirius looked at Calandra and winked at her. Calandra shook her head and smacked Potters hand with her fork when he tried to nab the last sausage on the plate in front of them. She skewered it and took a bite.

"You did that on purpose." she said.

He swiped his wand through the air and half the sausage fell from her fork. He grabbed it before it hit the table.

"Ahh, come on." Potter popped the whole half of sausage in his mouth. "We haven't done it in ages."

"That's because everyone caught on and stopped giving you the opportunity to." Remus said. He turned to Calandra and stuck his spoon out toward the book in front of her. "Who is it this time?"

"How do you know it's a who?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his tea.

"You've drawn everything in the school twice already. What, trying to capture the giant squid in a more flattering light?"

"Shove off." she laughed and opened the book to show him.

He looked at the drawing, puzzled, then realization dawned on him. "The grey lady?"

She nodded, "She's so interesting. I hardly ever see her, and she's never still enough in one place for me to actually sketch her. I have to do it bit by bit, by glimpses."

Pettigrew looked around Remus and studied the page.

"Try the seventh floor," he said. "I've seen her in the corridors up there before."

"Yeah," Calandra nodded, thinking. "I found her floating up the staircase the last two times. Thanks."

"Oi! You lot!" Dorcas stood up and whistled. "We'll be late for Defense, lets go."

* * *

October 18, 1976

She and Alice sat looking through job descriptions in pamphlets the ministry had given their professors to hand out. Alice was chewing on her lip as she read through different qualifications they'd need.

"What do you think you want to do?" Alice asked.

"Paint." Calandra said. "I know there aren't many jobs for it, but I could paint portraits or go to Italy or Egypt and mix paints."

"You'd do great at either of those." Alice said. "Are you sure you want to paint? You're the best in our year at Charms."

"Yeah, I want to." Calandra said. "I love it. Creating something, making something out of almost nothing….it's like how I felt the first time I did magic."

Alice nodded and went back to pouring over the pamphlets. Calandra watched her as she chewed her thumbnail in concentration. A wave of affection rushed over her. Alice would do great no matter what she chose.

* * *

November 4, 1976

"Hey."

Calandra looked behind her at the door to the Charms classroom. Sirius was leaning against the wall. He pushed himself off came up beside her.

"Want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend?" he asked. "Have a birthday celebration? McGonagall just posted the schedule."

"Sure." She said. "It's a bit late though, isn't it? Usually the first weekend is in October. It's halfway through November, it'll be Christmas break before long."

Sirius shook his head.

"The professors are worried about the people going missing." He said.

"How many is it up to now?" she asked.

"Four." He said. "They've got Aurors combing every magical village they can think of. Hogsmeade included."

"Speaking of Christmas." He went on. "What have you got your eye on this year?"

"Listen." Calandra pulled him to the side. "I want to talk to you about that. You don't have to get me anything. Save your gold for when we have to leave school."

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I'm getting you something for Christmas." He said. "And I already promised that I wouldn't give you anymore stolen goods."

She let out a small laugh.

"Black family heirlooms are hardly stolen goods if a Black gives them to me." She pointed out.

"They are when he's been disinherited." Sirius said.

"I promise." Calandra said. "All I want for Christmas is to spend time with you. That's it."

"Why do you have to make showering you with affection so difficult?" he groaned.

"It keeps you on your toes." Calandra winked and walked down the hallway.

"That it does, Cal." Sirius said and followed behind her. "That it does."

* * *

December 16, 1976

"I need your help." James Potter plopped down in front of Calandra.

"The kind of help you need isn't the kind I'm qualified to give, Potter." Calandra snarked.

"Really?" James looked affronted. "I thought we were past all that. You haven't called me Potter in such a derisive manner in months now."

"So, obviously, I'm due for a backslide." She quipped.

"Whatever. Listen, I need help." James repeated.

"Yeah, I gathered." Calandra rolled her eyes. "With what?"

"I want to buy Sirius a motorbike for Christmas." James said, excitement shining in his eyes. "I need help going about it."

"Oh. Wow…that's great. He'll love it, but why not ask Remus?"

James snorted. "As if Moony would know the first thing about motorbikes."

"And I do?" she asked.

"Fair point." James said. "Do you?"

"No." she laughed. "But I know someone who does."

"Excellent!" James clapped his hands. "Shall we go to the motorbike store?"

Calandra laughed and shook her head.

"No." she said. "Before we go to a shop, we need to go see Mrs. Thisbee."

"Who is Mrs. Thisbee?" James asked, jumping up and grabbing a coat.

"My neighbor." Calandra said. "And you won't need your coat, we can floo."

James looked up, surprised.

"You know a witch with a motorbike?" he asked.

"Yeah." Calandra smiled. "I do."

They stepped into the Potter's fireplace together and Calandra threw in a handful of floo powder. They swirled into the green flames and stepped out of Mrs. Thisbee's fireplace a moment later, dusting themselves off on the hearth.

"Mrs. Thisbee!" Calandra called out. "It's Callie!"

"I'll be there in just a moment, dear! Come on in!" came a voice from another room.

Calandra lead James into the sitting room and settled into her favorite sofa. James sat next to her, looking around the room. Mementos of Calandra's life were scattered all around. She watched as James clocked a couple items from school, but he didn't say a word.

Mrs. Thisbee came bustling around the corner with a plate of biscuits in one hand and a small box in another. She smiled when she saw the two young people on her sofa. Calandra jumped up and wrapped the woman in a hug.

"It's so good to see you, dear." Mrs. Thisbee set her plate down on the coffee table. "Who is your friend? Introduce me to this strapping young thing."

Calandra smiled and stepped back. James popped up from the sofa and held out a hand.

"This is James Potter. James, this is Mrs. Thisbee."

"Oh, tosh, Callie." Mrs. Thisbee waved her hand through the air. "Call me Alwilda, young man."

"Alwilda, it's a pleasure." James winked, and kissed her knuckles.

Calandra rolled her eyes. Mrs. Thisbee laughed and wagged a finger at James.

"You've got spark. Where do you find these young men, Callie?" Mrs. Thisbee perched in her armchair.

"I don't go looking for them." Calandra rolled her eyes. "They just seem to show up. This one was part of the package with the other one."

Mrs. Thisbee chuckled and reached for a biscuit, waving the other two toward them as well.

"Now, love." Mrs. Thisbee cautioned. "Don't take it for granted. Many a young witch would love for a wizard to just show up in their life."

James smirked at Calandra and she rolled her eyes at him. Mrs. Thisbee crunched the last bite of her biscuit and clapped her hands together.

"I forgot the tea! Callie, would you be a dear and help me? Young man, we'll be right back, help yourself."

Calandra followed Mrs. Thisbee into the kitchen and looked around in surprise. The tea kettle was boiling, and teacups were already on a tray. She raised an eyebrow at Mrs. Thisbee. The old woman gave her a stern look.

"I didn't want to ask about your other beau in front of your young man."

Calandra couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of her.

"Mrs. Thisbee." Calandra smiled fondly at the old witch. "James isn't 'my young man.' He's Sirius's best friend. We're here to ask your advice on a gift for him. For Christmas."

Mrs. Thisbee sniffed as she waved her wand toward the kettle.

"Good. I knew I taught you better than that. I will say, your other young man is ever so much more handsome, though this one seems like he could hold his own with you if he really tried."

Calandra rolled her eyes and followed Mrs. Thisbee out of the kitchen, shaking her head. Mrs. Thisbee busied herself pouring the tea, then sat in her chair. She peered at Calandra and James over the rim of her teacup.

"Callie tells me you need my help with a gift."

James nodded and sat forward. He looked sideways toward Callie, then set his teacup down on the table.

"I'd like to get Sirius, he's my best mate, a motorbike. He's absolutely mad for them, has pictures of them up on his wall and everything. But I don't know the first thing about them. Calandra said you could help."

Mrs. Thisbee turned to look at Calandra. A soft smile tugged at the corner of the old woman's mouth as her eyes met Calandra's. Mrs. Thisbee nodded and turned her attention back to James.

"I can." She said and slowly stood up.

James looked quickly to Calandra. She nodded at him and stood, James popping up out of his seat not a second after. They followed Mrs. Thisbee through a narrow hallway and stopped at a closed door. Mrs. Thisbee ran a hand down the frame of the door and turned the knob.

Calandra and James stepped into the garage behind Mrs. Thisbee. Calandra put a hand on James's arm to halt his footsteps while Mrs. Thisbee switched on a light. When the bulb lit up, James looked curiously around the room. Calandra watched him, bemused for a moment, then cast her gaze around the room.

A record player sat on a folding card table beside a long work bench. Wrenches and pliers and plugs and sprockets littered the workbench and half the little table. Boxes lined the walls, stacked neatly onto shelves and carefully labeled. Tires lay propped against the shelves and the legs of the workbench.

Motorbikes in various stages of maintenance were scattered throughout the room. A large black one lacked a handlebar, a seat, and one of its tires. A smaller one was barely recognizable as a motorbike, stripped down to its frame. Bits and pieces of others sat on shelves or lay on the workbench.

James raised his eyebrows at Calandra, and she shot him a smile. He turned to Mrs. Thisbee and opened his mouth to speak, but abruptly closed it again. Calandra turned to look at the witch.

Mrs. Thisbee was staring at a black and white photograph that had been tacked up on the wall, eye level above the workbench. Calandra watched the old woman's throat bob as she brought a hand up to the photograph and softly caressed its edge. Mrs. Thisbee's eyes never left the photograph.

Calandra walked over to her and slid an arm around Mrs. Thisbee's waist. Mrs. Thisbee smiled down at her. The old witch nodded, as if to herself, and tucked a strand of hair behind Calandra's ear. Mrs. Thisbee chucked her on the chin, then turned to James.

"This was my husband's favorite room in our entire house." She said. "A house full of comfortable furniture and he'd rather spend his days perched on a rickety old stool at this bench."

"I can see why." James said, nodding at the room.

"Me, too." Mrs. Thisbee agreed. "I used to spend hours out here watching him fiddle with these things."

She picked up a carburetor and ran her fingers over a valve.

"He'd light up as he explained how all the little pieces of the machine would fit together, I never grew tired of hearing him talk about it."

Calandra watched as Mrs. Thisbee floated around the room, picking up objects as she went, running her hands along the curves of the motorbikes. The old witch had a serene look on her face, a dreamy gaze and a soft smile.

James took a step further into the room, near the workbench and peered at the photograph.

"Was this your husband?" he asked.

Mrs. Thisbee turned to him and nodded.

"Handsome thing, wasn't he?" she said with a grin.

James laughed and nodded.

"He was a wild thing, my Ray. Used to box with the dockhands down in the East End." Mrs. Thisbee said. "He loved these old things. Loved the wind in his hair, loved the sounds they made, loved figuring out what made them run."

She chuckled to herself and looked at Calandra.

"He loved them even more when _I_ charmed the old things to fly." She wiggled her eyebrows at the two of them.

James's mouth dropped open in surprise, then he smiled. His brows drew together, and he looked at the picture, then back to Mrs. Thisbee.

"Yeah," Mrs. Thisbee nodded. "My Ray was a muggle."

James nodded and looked back at the photograph. Mrs. Thisbee ran a hand along one of the tires propped up on the shelf.

"We were a pair, the two of us." Mrs. Thisbee said. "It used to seem like the world was against us, and I guess in some ways it was. Still is, really. My parent's muggle friends used to look down their noses at him and ask if he was our hired help when I'd bring him along. I used to hide dungbombs around their cars afterward. Our third date we didn't even get to have dinner. They didn't want my Ray in the restaurant. Said it might upset the other diners."

Mrs. Thisbee swallowed, then carried on sadly.

"Even in our world, people didn't want us together. Some of my own family, even. Didn't have anything to do with his skin this time though. This time it was his blood."

Mrs. Thisbee looked back at the picture on the wall.

"They all told me I could do so much better. I could find a nice wizard to settle down with. But no one could hold a candle to my Ray. My own father told me I was making a mistake, saddling myself with a muggle. But I'd give up every ounce of magic in me, if it meant a life with Ray."

Calandra felt a chord of recognition strike in her very soul. Mrs. Thisbee looked over at her and Calandra was captivated by the love she saw in the old witch's eyes. The spell was broken by James clearing his voice and speaking.

"It sounds like you two were very lucky to have each other."

Mrs. Thisbee nodded and straightened her blouse.

"Well, that's enough babbling from an old woman. You two are here for a reason."

"Yes." James said. "Any advice you could give us at all, would be helpful. I've been reading some of Sirius's books on them, but I don't know which make or which model to get."

Mrs. Thisbee waved a dismissive hand through the air as she picked her way toward the far wall of the garage.

"I know all that, dear boy. Not to worry."

"Well." James said thoughtfully. "We don't know what features the motorbikes have. I mean, don't some of them come with extra bits?"

Mrs. Thisbee laughed and moved two tires out of her way.

"Don't worry, dear. I told you, I know all about it."

"Mrs. Thisbee, we don't even know which shop to visit. Could you give us a list of places Ray used to go to?" Calandra chimed in.

"No need dear." Mrs. Thisbee said, moving a pile of leather from the corner to a shelf.

James and Calandra shared an uncertain glance with one another. James pulled a face at her and she shrugged back.

Mrs. Thisbee straightened up and turned to the two young people.

"You won't need the names of any shops, or the specifics of a bike. I know just the one your young man needs."

Mrs. Thisbee pulled a long bit of tarpaulin off the mound in the corner. A sleek motorbike stood propped on its kickstand.

"This one." Mrs. Thisbee said. "This here is the motorbike for your young man."

James picked his way over to Mrs. Thisbee. He ran his hands along the bike and studied it with wide eyes. Calandra watched Mrs. Thisbee watch James. The old woman tilted her head to the side and smiled at the young wizard. Calandra's eyes narrowed when she saw Mrs. Thisbee blink harder than normal.

"We can't accept this." Calandra said.

James's head jerked up at her and Mrs. Thisbee turned Calandra's way.

"Not Ray's bike." Calandra said, softly.

Mrs. Thisbee looked at the bike. She ran a hand along the handlebar and nudged the tire with her shoe. When she turned back to Calandra her face was soft and open and warm.

"Ray has been gone for nearly fifteen years, Callie. I'd say it's about time these old things got a bit of use. It's what he would have wanted."

Calandra shook her head.

"Just tell us where to go. We have money, we'll buy whichever one you recommend. But Ray's bike belongs here, with you."

Mrs. Thisbee smiled at Callie.

"Ray's bike belongs out in the world, zipping round curves, love. It serves no purpose sitting here collecting dust. I'd get much more joy from knowing Ray's bike is out there, being driven by someone who loves it, than sitting in this dusty old garage. It would honor his memory to pass it on to your young man."

A tear slid down Calandra's cheek.

"I wish your Sirius could've met my Ray. They'd have gotten on like a house afire. I always thought it such a coincidence that you fell for him. A young 'black boy.' Just like me, but in a different way."

Mrs. Thisbee lay her hand on the vehicle.

"You take this motorbike. You shine it up real nice and put a big red bow on it. And when you tell him who it's from, you add my Ray's name to the list."

Calandra blinked the rest of her tears away and nodded. James turned back to the bike and peered at the engine.

"So, Alwilda." He said with a grin. "Tell me about those charms."

* * *

December 25, 1976

"He's going to love it." Calandra said, sitting next to James on the bench outside his house.

"Yeah." James smiled. "I hope so. I put your name on it, too, you know. It was only fair."

"You don't have to." Calandra shook her head. "It was all your idea. This one is yours."

"You giving him yours now, or are you waiting for alone time?" James asked with a grimace.

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"I gave him my gift this morning. I didn't want to go after you. As it is, mine's already completely overshadowed by yours."

James grinned. The two sat there in silence for a bit, listening for Sirius's footsteps to signal his return. James bounced his knee and chewed his lip. Soon, they heard familiar footfalls coming up the drive. Sirius rounded the corner and James hopped up.

"Happy Christmas, Pads!" he crowed.

Sirius stood there; his eyes wide. Calandra held up a small camera and waited for the shock to leave his face. She wanted to keep his reaction forever. A smile lit up Sirius's face. The camera clicked. He bounced on his feet, then stepped over to the bike. He gripped James's arm then swung a leg over the motorbike. The camera clicked.

"Hop on, Prongs." Sirius said, and started the engine.

James climbed on behind Sirius with a whoop of excitement. The camera clicked. Sirius crowed and the bike shot forward. They yelled with excitement. The camera clicked. Sirius drove one circle, a bit shakily though he'd never admit it, then flipped the kickstand out.

The two boys jumped off and Sirius immediately knelt down to examine the bike. James sank beside him and pointed out things Mrs. Thisbee had told him about. When he said that the bike was charmed, Sirius breathed a sigh of wonder. Calandra's heart melted as she watched his captivation. She got lost in his excitement and only came to when James said her name.

"Me." James was saying. "I had a bit of help from White, but most of the heavy lifting came from a young Ray Thisbee."

Sirius looked up at Calandra, recognizing the surname. She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows. He stood and pulled James in for a hug with lots of back thumping and hair ruffling.

"There's one other feature." Calandra said. "But you can't use it until you've learned to drive it properly."

Sirius cocked his head.

"It can fly." Calandra said with a smirk.

Sirius's eyes grew round. He barreled forward and swung her in his arms around and around. She laughed with him, dizzy from all the spinning. He set her back down with a kiss and turned back to the bike. Calandra watched as he and James fiddled with the knobs and talked about adventures they could have on the bike. This was the best Christmas she'd ever had

* * *

December 25, 1976

"How was it?" Alice asked as Calandra padded into her friend's bedroom.

"Great." Calandra smiled. "He loved it."

"We knew he would." Alice said, putting her book down. She chewed on her lip and pointed to her desk. "Your father's owl came while you were gone."

Calandra looked to where Alice pointed. A sealed letter lay on the edge of the table. She walked over and broke the seal, lifting the flap and pulling out a sheet of parchment. Her eyes scanned the page and she groaned in frustration.

"I have to go back." She said. "We have to go to meetings and events."


	27. Chapter 27

December 31, 1976

Calandra whirled through the front door with a gust of wind and a few snowflakes. She rubbed her hands together and shivered in her cloak. Her father sat behind a newspaper in the wingback chair. He tilted one corner of the paper down and shot an uninterested look at his daughter.

"I'm sure you've been out doing something productive." He drawled.

"Of course." She replied, tactfully.

"I'll thank you to head on up to your room and ready yourself to leave. We have a dinner arrangement." Her father went back to the prophet.

Calandra walked toward the stairs.

"Your robes are freshly pressed. We leave in ten minutes." Her father said, still reading his paper.

"Which one is it?" she asked, her foot poised on the step.

"We are attending the first New Year's Gala hosted by the young Malfoy couple." Her father responded and turned the edge of his paper down. "You'll be on your best behavior."

It wasn't a question. Calandra trudged up the stairs and went to her room. Dark blue dress robes lay across her bed along with a new cloak and white gloves. Calandra bit back a groan. Stupid, bloody aristocrats and their stupid, bloody dress codes. She tore off her clothes and donned the robes her father had picked out. She waved a wand over her head and her hair smoothed and untangled itself.

She trudged her way back down the stairs and waited by the fireplace for her father. He emerged from the kitchen a moment later dressed in dark dress robes. Her father cast an appraising eye over her and flicked his wand through the air. Calandra felt a heaviness on her throat and a pull at her ears. She looked down to find diamonds choking her neck. She fought the urge to roll her eyes and waited for her father to throw the floo powder into the fireplace.

"Remember what I said." Her father said, barely sparing her a glance. "Best behavior."

"Yes, sir." She said, biting her cheek.

She stepped into the fireplace and watched as green flames danced around her. A moment later, she stepped out of a different fireplace in a grand hall. Marble shone everywhere; the floors, the walls, the pillars that supported the ceilings. Long tapestries flowed across the walls, ornately embroidered and luxuriously expensive.

Calandra followed her father to the doorway in front of them. A small house elf greeted them and, with a snap of his fingers, their cloaks were in his hands as he assured them he'd take excellent care of them. The elf motioned for them to pass on through. Her father stepped forward through the doorway then stopped in his tracks.

He spun around quickly and grabbed her arm, his mouth set in a thin line and his eyes wide. She flinched at the roughness of his hand on her arm and waited, her breath held. Her father jerked her closer to him and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, guiding her through the doorway. He breathed a sigh of relief when she was in the room and released her shoulders. She leaned away from him, instinctively and he looked down at her arm. His hand was still clenched around it. He abruptly let go of her and smoothed his robes.

"You will not leave this room without me." He said quietly.

"Why?" she asked, rubbing her arm.

Her father breathed heavily, and his eyes flashed in anger.

"There are wards in place. Wards that the hosts have opened to guests…of a certain bloodline." He refused to look at her. "I daresay you wouldn't have been granted entrance if I had not escorted you."

Helped her. She almost laughed. She wished he hadn't helped her. Wished the wards would've expelled her from the manor.

Calandra sighed and looked around the room. Guests milled about further inside and she could see light spilling from the room past this one. Most of the guests seemed to be entering that room. She followed her father across the marble floor to the other guests. He halted a few steps before they reached the group.

"Best behavior." He repeated. "I have business transactions I must attend to. You know your place; act accordingly. No moping in corners."

She nodded and followed him into the crowd. Calandra found herself in a grand ballroom. The marble tiles on the floor created a pattern of peacock feathers. Huge chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Father's family was wealthy, she knew, but it didn't hold a candle to this. This was opulence.

Champagne glasses floated about on solid silver trays. Black opal sconces lined the walls, light dancing off the smooth stones. Silk tapestries hung in flowing sheets. The ceiling was bewitched to show a twinkling night sky. All the guests were dressed in the finest dress robes money could buy, almost all of them some dark inky color. Gemstones and different jewels adorned witches and wizards, alike. Everything was elegant and expensive, but Calandra felt overwhelmingly reminded of a funeral.

Calandra took a glass of champagne from a floating tray and searched the crowd for someone, anyone to converse with. Elderly wizards stood in groups, laughing and gesturing to one another, their wives talked amongst themselves. The host and hostess of the evening stood at the center of the ballroom, matching blonde hair shining like white gold through the sea of black. Calandra caught sight of a few witches and wizards her age but didn't recognize them.

A movement from the side of the room caught her eye. She watched as two young wizards leant their heads close together and spoke with one another. They were familiar, but she couldn't quite place them. One was quite tall with light brown hair and a few freckles. The other was shorter, about her height and had dark hair and a mustache. She moved closer and watched as the shorter of the two snapped his fingers in the other's face. Of course! Gideon and Fabian. What were they doing here? Why were they disguised?

She weaved her way through the crowd and found them talking intensely to one another, over by a buffet table filled with small hors d'oeuvres. They didn't notice her approaching and their heads shot up in surprise when she spoke.

"What brings the wonder twins to the gala of the century?" she whispered.

The tall one's eyes glanced around them and the short one drew a shaky breath. They stepped close to her and bent their heads toward her.

"White!" the tall one said. "What are you doing here?"

Calandra frowned. What was going on?

"I came with my father." She said. "Which one are you?"

The short one snorted.

"Finally, we've been able to confuse you about that."

"Come, on." She whispered. "What's going on? Why are you disguised? What are you doing here?"

The tall one bent down even further and whispered.

"Order."

She nodded in understanding.

"How can I help?" she asked.

The short one shook his head and frowned.

"No. We're not even supposed to let anyone know we're here. Strict rules. Sorry, White."

She nodded and grimaced.

"In fact, we have to go speak with a few people." The tall one pulled on the short one's arm. "See you later."

Calandra nodded and waved them away. She set her, now warm, champagne glass down on the hors d'oeuvres table untouched. The glass disappeared and she found herself wishing she could do the same. She saw her father scanning the room and moved toward a group of people in front of her so he couldn't accuse her of sulking in the shadows.

An elderly witch bumped into her and she found herself profusely apologizing, even though it wasn't her fault in the slightest. That's how you had to act here. Just always assume the blame. The elderly witch waved her apologies off after about the fifth "I'm terribly sorry" and drew her into conversation. Calandra answered the questions on autopilot; her parentage, her bloodline, her house at Hogwarts, her future ambitions. Each response had been drilled into her by her father ages ago.

Narcissa Malfoy announced esteemed guests and dancing started. Soft music filled the ballroom and Calandra sighed with relief. Tonight would be blessedly short, her father never stayed long after the music started. Couples broke off and glided to the dance floor. Middle aged witches dragged their sons or daughters to different prospects and soon the younger couples were stiffly waltzing, too.

Calandra heard a familiar voice and bit back a groan. Walburga Black's awful voice pierced her eardrums. She turned and almost recoiled in horror. The blasted witch was talking to her own father. He nodded his head thoughtfully and listened to her brag about her relationship to the hostess. That was probably the only reason she was even invited. Calandra's father looked up and caught sight of her. He smiled at Walburga and nodded in his daughter's direction. Calandra looked about frantically for some escape but found none.

She watched, horrified, as her father and Sirius's mother approached her. Her father introduced the two and Calandra found herself shaking hands with the Black Matriarch. Walburga spoke to her with what was obviously supposed to be charm. Calandra had to physically keep herself from retching. Walburga had known Calandra for less than two minutes and already she'd spoken to her kindlier than she ever spoke to her eldest son.

Calandra nodded at whatever Walburga said, and her father actually smiled at her. Wait, what? That couldn't be good. She forced herself to hear past the blood rushing in her head and grimaced at what was happening. Walburga had turned and called out to someone and her father had followed the witch's gaze. None other than Regulus Black appeared in front of her.

"Pleasure to meet you, young Mr. Black." Calandra's father said, extending a hand. "I've heard a lot about you."

Regulus nodded but didn't smile. "Please, call me Regulus, sir."

Walburga cut in and waved a hand toward Calandra.

"Regulus, darling. Mr. White was introducing me to his daughter. I daresay you already know her from school, though don't you?"

Regulus glanced at her and nodded.

"We've met before, yes."

Walburga gave her son a pointed look and he turned to Calandra.

"Would you like to dance?" he said extending a hand.

Calandra looked at his hand and nodded.

She looked over to her father and found him staring at her. His eyes hardened and he flicked his eyes toward the boy in front of her. She understood the meaning plain as day. Best behavior.

Regulus led her to the dance floor, and they settled into a stiff waltz. She didn't want to look at his eyes, so she settled on some point above his right ear.

"You'll never survive in this society if you won't let your partner lead you." he quipped.

"Who says I want to be led?" she snapped.

"Just trying to give you some advice." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Well I don't need it." She said resolutely.

Regulus smirked at her. It was the first time she'd ever seen him do anything resemble a smile.

"He's met his match with you, hasn't he?"

She saw red. Her eyes burned into his. Those grey eyes.

"Don't you dare talk about him. Don't you dare." She was shaking with fury, one of her hands clamped on his shoulder, the other crushed his in her grip. "You don't get to talk about him. You lost that privilege when he left the lot of you."

Regulus didn't say anything. He stared at her shoulder and continued the waltz. He had just opened his mouth to speak when a voice came from their right.

"Mind if I cut in?"

Calandra looked over to find Sirius, dressed in elegant dress robes, holding out a hand to her, studiously ignoring his brother. He didn't wait for an answer, just pulled her into his arms and twirled them across the dance floor into the shadows.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, dumbfounded.

"Dancing with the prettiest witch at the ball, I thought it was obvious." He smiled.

"How did you get in?"

He scoffed.

"Black family wards that only exclude muggleborns. I just walked right in." He said smugly, then carried on in an undertone. "Seems that Lucius has found that he can't keep Narcissa on a leash if she was the one to set the wards."

She laughed, then gave him a knowing look.

"Why are you really here?"

He glanced around and leant his head toward her.

"I'm the distraction for tonight, love. I just couldn't resist stealing you away for a dance when I realized you were here."

He winked at her and twirled them close to the instruments.

"Meet you back home later tonight. I'll leave the window open."

With that he turned and disappeared into the crowd of guests standing by the violins and cellos. She stood on her tiptoes, trying to get a glimpse of him, but couldn't see him through the throng of people. She turned and walked back to where her father was standing. He looked at her with something almost akin to approval.

"You need to attend a few more dance classes with Madam Decoste. Your steps were barely adequate."

Her father straightened his cuffs and looked around at the crowd.

"Who was your other dance partner?"

"Some relative of Regulus Black's." she replied vaguely.

"You'll need to make a better impression on that boy's mother, next time. I could see she wasn't all that impressed with you."

Calandra opened her mouth to return the sentiment but was cut off by a young man grabbing her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles. Her father smiled at the wizard and extended his hand, introducing himself.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir. Evan Avery."

Calandra felt a chill run down her spine. They needed to leave. Avery turned to her and ran a hand down his dress robes. He wore a large signet ring on his right hand and had slicked his hair back. Emeralds dotted his cuffs and his collar. He turned to Calandra's father and inclined his head.

"I was just wondering if I could favor a dance with your lovely daughter?"

The older wizard nodded his approval and Avery extended his hand to Calandra. She glanced at her father and it was enough to make him scowl at her, his mouth pressing into a thin line and his eyes narrowing. She sighed and placed her hand in Avery's.

She glared at him when he placed his hand far lower on her back than was appropriate. He just grinned and pulled her closer to him. She set her jaw and placed her hand firmly against his shoulder, ready to press him back if he dared anything else.

"What would lover boy say if he saw his little slag fraternizing with the enemy? His own brother no less?" Avery whispered.

She pursed her lips and stared at the handkerchief in his pocket. His cologne was cloyingly sweet. She hated it.

"You know, love. If you're looking for a real wizard, you don't have to just go after the Black prats. There are lots more of us, myself included, who could show you a good time."

He leant down and whispered in her ear.

"Seems like you like a bit of a rebel, if pretty boy is any indication. I can show you much wilder of a time than him."

She looked around, realizing he'd waltzed her right into the shadows. Calandra tensed and willed herself to breathe.

"Remember, love. I like it rough and I'd say you put up a hell of a fight."

Her hand met his jaw. Avery ran his tongue across his teeth and rubbed his cheek. He still had one of her hands in his and held it in a vice like grip. He chuckled and raised his eyebrows at her. He stepped into her and smiled darkly.

"I can't wait to return the favor." he whispered. "Makes twice now you've gotten to lay your hands on me, and I've yet to mark you at all."

He brought his free hand up to her neck. She recoiled.

"Don't you fucking touch me." She hissed.

"Ah ah ah." He purred as he slid a finger across her collarbone and down her arm. "What would your father say about that language? Doesn't quite fit the proper pureblood persona does it?"

"Ha." She scoffed. "As if you'd know. You think mauling me is proper etiquette? I pity your future wife."

"Careful now," he cautioned. "It could be you, love. Maybe your old man would be grateful to me for taking you off his hands.

Her blood ran cold. What did Avery know? He leant down to her and spoke lowly.

"I'd love breaking you in, witch. Making you scream my name in more ways than one."

Calandra brought her fist up to his face, but Avery caught her wrist. He smiled at her and she snarled. She threw her head back and hurtled forward as hard as she could, her forehead hitting him squarely in the nose. Calandra heard a satisfying crack and shook her head to clear its spinning. Avery stumbled back, but instead of trying to stop the blood pouring from his nose, he was cradling his hand. It had sprouted huge green boils and was smoking.

Calandra caught sight of a shock of black hair behind Avery and grey eyes winked at her before disappearing into the crowd. Avery cursed and sputtered. She turned on her heel and strode away, leaving him bleeding in the shadows. As she made her way back through the crowd, she heard snippets of conversations.

"Disgraceful….showing up now."

"Dancing with my Isabell…I was shocked."

"No good…that one…"

"Trying to….back in….good graces….young witches."

"Sorry excuse for a Black…..if you ask me."

_Well, Sirius had done his job._

Calandra kept a careful eye out for him as she weaved her way through the throng of people. A yell came from toward the front of the ballroom and Calandra whipped around. All of a sudden, the instruments onstage burst into pieces. A familiar laugh hit her ears and she shook her head. Of course, Sirius had to cause some sort of mayhem.

Fireworks filled the air and people yelped as the sparks rain down on them. Calandra bit back a smile and made her way to the entryway. She saw Sirius slip out and peered around for the others. She couldn't make them out in the insanity, so she turned to watch the door.

Soon, two familiar figures disappeared through the doorway. She breathed a sigh of relief. They'd gotten out. Calandra caught sight of Avery beating the sleeve of his dress robes, trying to smother the flames that had caught on the fabric just above his hexed hand. Walburga was shrieking, thumping her cane against the tiles. A young woman with dark curly hair stood beside her, nodding her head and scanning her eyes appraisingly across the ballroom. Something in her calculating eyes unsettled Calandra. She turned away from them to see Lucius Malfoy speaking furiously to a terrified house elf. Her father appeared in front of her and grabbed her elbow. He appeared unbothered by the scene before them.

"Your conduction was adequate tonight. There are other acquaintances I'd like to introduce you to, but the Black and Avery families are well respected. I shall contact them next month."

"There's no need for that." She said. "I don't-"

Her father cut her off with an unspoken silencing charm. His nostrils flared and he pulled her until her back was pressed against the marble wall. Calandra tuned his words out, knowing they'd come back to her later that night in a nightmare anyway. She focused on the stars that twinkled through the shining glass in the window. She hated it when he took her voice. Finally, he jerked her arm and led her away.

"We are leaving. Now."

He steered her through the doorway and called for an elf, barking out an order to fetch their cloaks. He shoved Calandra's towards her and draped his own across his shoulders. Calandra trailed after him fastening her cloak around her throat and wondering if he was going to lecture her further about tonight's events. She followed him into the fireplace and let the green flames take her home.

"I'll inform you of how things progress with your betrothal opportunities. Goodnight."

With that, her father turned and strode up the stairs to his bedroom. Calandra sighed and followed him to the second floor. She went to her room and closed the door. She could still smell Avery's cologne on her, it suffocated her, and made her sick. She tore off her robes and threw them in a heap beside her bed. She went to the bathroom and turned on the taps to the shower. Calandra scrubbed until her skin was pink but couldn't shake the vile feeling that Avery left behind.

She sat on her bed and watched the stars twinkle in the sky, waiting for the silencing charm to be lifted. She traced the constellations on her windowpane with her finger and stopped when she got to Canis Major, her vocal cords hummed and she cleared her throat. She grabbed the miniature figure of the Appleby Arrows seeker and plucked the broom from its hand. Calandra opened the window and cast an illusion spell on her room. One engorgio spell to the broom and she was zooming above the clouds to the window where she knew he'd be waiting.


	28. Chapter 28

October 2, 1998

She never went back.

Calandra smiled at the thought. Her father had been furious. Sirius had flown back and gathered a lot of her things. He'd snuck in and out without her father even knowing.

The rest of that year flashed quickly by in her memory. She'd stayed with Alice after that night. They'd gone back to school together and Calandra felt like she was part of a family again when Ms. Fawcett hugged her goodbye.

Sirius's uncle died that year and left him everything. His mother was furious. She sent howlers every day at breakfast. They'd made a game out of it on who could incinerate them the fastest. James won. Calandra was a close second. Sirius just laughed and let them burn the letters.

Alice started dating Frank Longbottom that summer and was surprised that he'd chosen the same career as her. They'd bonded over talk of recovering dark artefacts and Alice was smitten. Calandra liked Frank immensely. She was happy for her friend.

Lily finally admitted to herself and the other girls that she fancied James Potter. They'd all pretended to be shocked but all of them had known for ages. They danced around each other a bit, but finally got together the beginning of seventh year.

Sirius moved out of the Potter's house. Bought his own flat with some of the money Alphard had left him and tried to convince Calandra to move in with him. She stayed with Alice mostly, but visited him there on holidays. Sirius bought her paint and told her to do whatever she wanted to the walls. They got tattoos together and invited Remus over and played exploding snap until they were too drunk to stand. She had never loved him more, back then.

Calandra ran her hands over the gray stone walls of her room. She'd thought she couldn't love him anymore than she did in that moment. Oh, how she was wrong. She focused her mind and willed the memories to slow down. She wanted to remember it all; not just brief glimpses of it.

* * *

March 4, 1977

"I need you to paint me." Sirius slid onto the bench beside Calandra.

"Er, ok." she said, giving him a look. "I'll have to get a canvas next time we go to Hogsmeade."

"No, no, no." he waved his hand through the air. "I want you to paint _me."_

He circled his face with his finger.

"I want you to paint my face." he said.

"Ok." Calandra said, slowly. "Why?"

"For the Quidditch match." he said as though it were obvious. "Turn me into a lion."

Calandra laughed and pushed her plate of eggs and toast away. She turned and surveyed Sirius's excited face.

"You want me to paint your face like a lion?" she asked.

"Yep. Not just me, actually. Moony and Wormtail are doing it, too. So are McKinnon and Jones and Fin."

"But mine will be the best." he said. "Because you're a much better artist than any of them."

"What if Remus or Peter ask me for help, too?" she asked.

"I've told them to stay away from you. I called dibs." he said smoothly.

"Dibs?" Calandra echoed.

"Obviously." Sirius said. "On account of us being romantically involved."

"Remus was my friend first." Calandra said.

"But was he the one who wooed you?" Sirius played with one of her curls.

"He didn't try." Calandra said with a laugh.

"As if his tawdry efforts could compare with my suave." Sirius scoffed.

"Too right." Calandra said. "Ok. I'll paint you, but if Remus and Peter come to me for help I'm not telling them no."

"Thanks, love." he kissed her on the nose. "You're the best."

* * *

May 19, 1977

Calandra sat squashed between Alice and Remus on the couch in Gryffindor common room. The sixth and seventh year students were eating and drinking and laughing with one another over a deposit of over two hundred points into Gryffindor's hourglass today. Calandra sipped a butterbeer and watched as Sirius and James showed the crowd how they could balance on one another's shoulders.

"Fuck, Prongs!" Sirius said as he wobbled on top of James. "Stop moving so bloody much, it's like trying to mount a broom after downing a whole bubble potion."

"Stop pulling my hair." James protested. "How do you weigh this much?"

"Call yourself a Quidditch captain and you don't even have the muscle to hold me up. Right bloody phony you are." sirius muttered as he stood on James's shoulders.

James grabbed a hold of Sirius's feet and planted his own feet far apart, trying to keep his balance. Remus rolled his eyes at them and motioned for Peter to come sit with them. Alice held her magazine up to Calandra and showed her a new potion some witch had invented that would make the consumer invisible for up to twelve hours. Calandra read the article with interest, until a shout drew her attention back to the others in the room.

"Whoa!" Sirius called. "Stop moving!"

James stumbled forward and he and Sirius fell in a heap at the foot of the couch. They laughed and untangled themselves from one another and Sirius looked up at Calandra from where he sat.

"Looks like I fell for you." he said with a wink.

Alice scoffed and Calandra snorted.

"How original." she said, holding a hand out to help him to his feet.

* * *

October 3, 1977

A voice woke her. She rolled over and groggily pushed heavy legs off her.

"Padfoot! Padfoot! Mate, wake up, we've got to go to-" James Potter pulled the curtains of Sirius's bed back and broke off.

"Bloody Hell, White, don't you have a dorm of your own?" he rolled his eyes at her. She smiled sleepily up at him.

"You're just jealous." She said.

"Disgusted, more like. This dorm used to be just me and my mates and now you're always here." He sneered down at her.

"A couple weekends a month hardly classifies as always." She retorted, rubbing her eyes.

He looked toward the ceiling and sighed. She sat up and stretched. James peered at her.

"Are you wearing my clothes?" he asked, affronted.

She peered down at her shirt. "Thought it was Sirius's. Sorry."

"Merlin's left-" James muttered under his breath.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist," she said, yawning. "I'll wash it and give it back."

He grimaced. "Yeah, no thanks. You can just keep it."

She grinned at him, "Trying to make Evans jealous, are you? Sending me back up to her in the dorm with me in your clothes?"

His face broke into a grin and he laughed, "Think it'll work?"

"Not a chance," Sirius grumbled from beside her, snaking an arm out to wrap around her, "Go away Prongs."

"No." James said stubbornly. "You know we have things to do today. You can sneak off with White after we're finished."

"We can be a little late," Sirius said into her hair. She smirked up at James.

"Pads," James said seriously, "You have exactly three minutes to be fully clothed and completely ready to go or else."

"Or else what?" Sirius said lazily.

"Or else I won't let you use the cloak to sneak off with White, here anymore." James crossed his arms.

"You git." Sirius threw a pillow at James, "Give me ten minutes and leave us alone and I'll make sure Evans is your partner for potions next week." He pulled Calandra closer to him and ran his hand through her hair.

"No. No No No. You're not pulling that with me again." James jerked the covers off them. "Out of the bed. I'm not leaving."

"I'm not shy mate," Sirius said.

"No, thank you." Calandra said extraditing herself from Sirius's arms. She gathered her things into her school bag and leant to give him a kiss.

"Have fun boys!" She walked out of the room.

"Well, well, well." Alice smirked as Calandra waltzed back into the girls' dormitory. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"What pleasure?" Calandra asked dropping her things on her bed.

"The pleasure of your presence at," she glanced at her watch. "Nine on a Saturday. I didn't think I'd be seeing you until suppertime."

Calandra laughed. "James kicked me out. They've got plans today."

"Want to go down to the dungeons?"

"Sure! But, aren't you and McGonagall meeting to go over all that paperwork for Auror training?" She pulled on a clean jumper.

"I already went over it." Alice said evasively.

Calandra looked closely at her friend. Alice was blushing.

"With Frank." Alice coughed.

She raised her eyebrows at her friend. "Well, come on. Let's go down to the dungeons. I want to hear all about your paperwork."

Alice laughed and put on her shoes.

* * *

December 13, 1977

The dormitory was bathed in light. Snack wrappers lay beside the group of people grouped together on the floor, a boardgame spread out in front of them. Pieces littered the rug and James Potter was scanning a piece of paper, sitting cross-legged right in the thick of things.

"Why, though?" he asked.

Lily Evans looked at the ceiling. "That's the game, James. I didn't make the rules. That's just how you play."

He pushed his glasses up his nose and said disgustedly, "Are you fucking serious?"

"She better not be!" Calandra called out, coming through the doorway with an arm full of butterbeer. James pinched his nose, Lily rolled her eyes, and the rest of the group laughed.

"I'd hate to have to hex her." Calandra said and blew a kiss to Lily.

"You're hilarious, did you know that?" James deadpanned.

Calandra sat down next to Sirius and handed him a drink.

"Turnabout's fair play, Potter." She clinked her glass with his.

"Now you know how we felt all those times the two of you would pop up with that little joke." Mary gestured between Sirius and James.

James huffed and asked, "Can we please just play exploding snap?"

"Nah, mate." Remus said swigging his butterbeer.

He tossed an arm over Calandra's shoulder and motioned between the two of them.

"You're just a sore loser and you know you don't stand a chance of winning if _we_ play this." He said.

"Is that one new?" Mary leant over and peered at the tattoo on Calandra's leg with interest.

"No. I got it over the holiday." Calandra replied. "I haven't gotten any new ones. I like them, but I like them better on other people. I don't know if they quite suit me."

"On the contrary, love." Sirius took a swig of his drink. "I think they suit you just fine. Especially the one you've got down by your-"

"Oi!" a pillow hit them both in the head. "None of that. None of it. Make eyes at each other on your own time." James protested.

"Did I complain when I walked in on you and Evans snogging in quite a compromising position? On my bed, no less, Prongs?" Sirius threw the pillow back across the room and answered his own question. "No, I did not. Be a good mate and sod off."

Lily turned scarlet and scowled at Sirius.

"You were supposed to keep that to yourself, Black."

"Well, keep your bloke in line, Evans and I won't have to divulge any of your other secrets." Sirius chirped.

"Two can play at that game, Pads." James threatened and everyone laughed.

"Yeah right." Peter said.

Dorcas snorted and popped a jelly bean in her mouth.

"Empty threat, Potter. They," Dorcas pointed between Calandra and Sirius. "Unlike civilized folk, have no shame."

"Hey!" Calandra stole the package of sweets from Dorcas. Dorcas laughed and shook her head.

"Don't try to deny it. You'd snog in front of McGonagall and you know it."

"Of course we would!" Sirius said giving Calandra a wink. "She could correct us on our technique. Always willing to learn, I am!"

Calandra shook her head at him and burst out laughing along with the rest of the group. Merlin, if she didn't love that man.

* * *

February 21, 1978

Alice sat next to Calandra, parchments spread out in front of her, her nose stuck in a pamphlet. Calandra flicked through her Astronomy book, revising constellation patterns and planetary movement. The library was full of students; fifth years revising for OWL's and tired seventh years studying for their NEWT's.

"Why couldn't Herbology be one of the NEWT's required for the Auror program?" Alice groaned. "That would be one less I'd have to study for."

Calandra rolled her eyes and pulled one of the pamphlets toward her. She scanned the page and flicked a finger against it.

"Defense isn't an issue." She said. "Neither is Potions, you hold your own there. Just practice your Charms and Transfiguration and you'll do fine. I'll quiz you on charms."

"I have to get an Exceeds in all of them." Alice bit her lip nervously. "My transfiguration is Acceptable at best. I only got Exceeds Expectations last year because I studied nothing else for a week straight."

"Go get James to give you pointers on the harder ones." Calandra suggested. "I promise, you're going to do fine. You do this before each exam. You're a bundle of nerves until you sit it, then it's smooth sailing."

"Mmmm." Alice checked her watch. "Where you reckon he is? We could go over the conjuring spells this week. Then Vanishing next week. Probably transfigurative properties after that. Maybe advanced transformation over the weekend before exams, but I'm ok at those."

"Very funny if you think he'll give up all his evenings this month to coach you in transfiguration." Calandra mused, leaning back and crossing her arms.

"Ugh." Alice said, laying her head on the table. "Why did she have to wait until seventh year to get together with him. They're still in that sickening stage where they only want to spend time with each other."

"Buck up." Calandra said. "He'll help you. Just whittle away at your demands a little."

"Ugghhh." Alice moaned.

"Come on." Calandra laughed. "You're fine at vanishing things. Drop that one. We can practice those ourselves. Ask him for help with transfigurative theory and advanced transformation. He really is good at breaking it down."

"Still leaves conjuring. I always leave out some part of what I'm supposed to conjure. Last week I tried conjuring a bookmark and I conjured a whole book."

"Sirius will show you how to do it." Calandra said.

"No." Alice shook her head. "No."

"I'll be there, too." Calandra rolled her eyes. "He'll show you the easy way to do it and I'll explain the stuff behind it."

"Why can't you just show me?" Alice asked.

Calandra gave her a look.

"Sure, let me just open up my vocal cords, and show you the magic that is my voice." She said sarcastically.

"That's just not fair." Alice said. "You don't even have to think about putting magic behind your words. You just say stuff and your magic listens."

"Come on." Calandra said. "Sirius will show you the easy way and I'll fill in the gaps."

"He's awful at explaining it, Callie." Alice laughed. "He forgot to tell me a step when we transfigured our doves into doormats, and I ended up with a feathered Persian rug."

"Yeah, I know." Calandra said. "He skips over parts because he understands it and thinks everyone else does, too. Which is why _I_ will help."

"Fine." Alice sighed. "But I'll have to work myself up to it. Let's go practice charms first."

"Alright!" Calandra jumped up. "Let's go out by the lake, it's a perfect day to be outside. Hurry!"

"Yes, Professor White." Alice said. "Anything you say, Professor White."

* * *

March 27, 1978

"Hey, Calandra!"

Calandra turned to find Peter Pettigrew running down the corridor. His shirt was untucked, and his tie was flapping over his shoulder. She stood off to the side and waited for him to catch up to her.

"Hey, Peter." She said. "What do you need?"

"Padfoot said you were thinking about not sitting your Potion's NEWT." He said, catching his breath.

"Yeah, I haven't decided yet." She said. "I don't have to have it for what I want to do after school."

Peter shook his head and dug in his school bag. He pulled a piece of the Prophet out of it and held it up to her.

"You should take it." He said. "Says here that this potioneer sells his potions for magic painters."

Calandra read over the article.

"You could do it yourself if you sit your NEWT and pass." Peter said. "Just hang a sign in the window saying you're qualified."

Calandra smiled and folded the article up.

"Thanks." She said. "I will. I didn't know about that. How did you find out?"

"I'm looking at working in an apothecary after school." He said. "Been reading the paper to look for jobs."

"Thanks for telling me." She smiled.

"No problem." He said looking a little abashed.

"So you're going to sit for Potions, too. Right?" she asked. "Working in an apothecary and all."

"Yeah." He said. "Been studying like mad."

"We can revise together before NEWT's." she said. "We'll get Lily to help."

* * *

April 10, 1978

"I want to show you something, Cals." Sirius said as they walked back from Hogsmeade.

"What?" she asked looking around.

"It's a secret." He said. "You already know pretty much everything about me and it doesn't seem fair to keep this from you."

He steered them toward the forbidden forest and strode inside. Calandra followed, curious as to what he'd found in there. He turned around and faced her.

The wind picked up around them and he spun quickly around. To Calandra's amazement, a dog stood where he had just been. She quickly looked around to see if Sirius had hidden behind a tree. The dog trotted over and nudged her hand with its head.

She looked down and swallowed when she saw its eyes. Grey eyes. Familiar grey eyes. His grey eyes. She let out a breath of laughter and scratched the dog behind its ears. He nipped at her hand and trotted back over to where he'd first appeared.

The dog turned in a circle, looking very much like it was chasing its tail, and Sirius stood before her. She looked at him incredulously.

"You're a dog?" she asked.

"I am an Animagus." He corrected. "My form is a dog."

Calandra just stared at him. Incredible. It was absolutely incredible.

"How long have you been able to do that?" she asked.

"Since fifth year." He said. "We finally figured it all out that year. We were able to do it before Christmas break that year."

"We?" Calandra echoed. "The others can do it, too?"

Sirius nodded.

"Remus can't, but the rest of us, yeah." He said. "It's a secret. No one else knows."

"Why'd you tell me?" she asked.

"You've kept Moony's secret all this time. Figured I should give you one of mine."

"Moony." She said. "Moony. Padfoot! Oh my goodness. The nicknames!" she held a fist up to her head. "Finally! Padfoot! I've been wondering for years what that meant."

Sirius smiled.

"What the hell does Prongs stand for?" she asked.

"A stag." Sirius said. "He's a stag. Pete's a rat."

"And you're a dog." She said.

"Yeah."

"And you're named for-"

"Not you, too!" he cut her off. "Remus has already given me that particular run down, thank you."

Calandra laughed and held her hand out to him.

"Come on Padfoot, let's go see if the kitchens have any dog treats."

He shook his head and grabbed her hand.

"You'd be insufferable if I didn't love you." he said.


	29. Chapter 29

October 2, 1998

She pressed her hands against the door; the only interruption in those grey stone walls. She willed it to open, but as always, it remained firmly shut. Calandra breathed a deep sigh and moved past it.

She walked the length of the room, then turned and walked it again. Over and over. She walked the same steps that she walked thousands of times before, thinking of what came next in those memories.

She was coming up on the time that changed their lives forever. The time that entangled them all together and twisted their fates until they were all interwoven. She swallowed and tried to look at the brighter side of it.

The bravery. The strength.

But she couldn't ignore the darker side.

The worry. The fear.

They came hand in hand.

* * *

May 17, 1978

"Where have you been?" Calandra asked, putting her book back on the shelf. The library was pretty quiet. She'd been using this time to try to revise for her Astronomy NEWT.

"Dumbledore's office." Sirius said, shucking off his robe and loosening his tie. He sat on the edge of the table and propped his feet up on a chair.

"What did you do this time?" she asked turning back to the shelf full of planetary maps.

"Nothing. We went on our own." Sirius said. "You're looking at the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"What?" Calandra wheeled around and stared at him.

Sirius smiled. "Yep. James and I just signed up."

"You're not even out of school!" Calandra said.

"So?" Sirius crossed his arms. "You know that the other side's recruiting students left and right."

"I know…" Calandra broke off. "Everything is just so dangerous. People are going missing."

"I know." He said. "And you know who they're targeting."

She nodded.

"Muggleborns, half breeds, and blood traitors." He listed. "Pretty much everyone I care about."

He slid off the table and stood in front of her. He lifted her chin until she was looking him in the eye.

"You'll never be safe as long as someone like him is out there. Do you really think I could stand by and not try to fight him?"

"What did Dumbledore say? When you approached him?" she asked.

He moved his hand to rest on the shelf at her shoulder. His shoulders grew a bit tense and he ran a hand through his hair.

"He wasn't really jumping for joy, but he welcomed us in. He kept reminding us how serious the endeavor was and how young we were. He seemed surprised Moony wasn't with us."

"Really?" Calandra asked. "Why?"

"Don't know." Sirius said. "Seemed pretty keen on seeing him, though. We got our first assignment."

"Already?" her voice rose.

"I've already been helping the Prewett's; have been for almost two years, ever since they left school. This one is just more official." He shrugged.

She turned and held both of his shoulders.

"Look at me." She demanded. "You have to be careful. No, don't try to interrupt me. You have to be careful. I know you. You can turn the most serious of conversations into a joke. Don't think for a second that I don't know you'll have the time of your life with James on this mission. Just promise me you'll be careful."

He nodded and she dropped his shoulders.

"If something doesn't change, there's going to be a point where it won't be a laugh anymore." She said.

"I'm not doing it for a laugh." He protested.

"I know." She held up a hand. "I know. But, like I said, I know you. Don't get caught up in the thrill of it. You're an amazing wizard, Sirius. You're smart and brave and creative and intuitive. But you've got an eye for making a laugh out of things. Don't let them blindside you because of it."

He crossed his arms and looked at her coldly.

"Seeing the brighter side of things isn't a weakness." He said.

"I know that." She said carefully.

"How else am I supposed to live my life? Tell me, Cal. After all the absolute shite I've seen, I have to have a laugh. If I didn't, I'd go mad!" he ran his hands through his hair.

"I know that!" She repeated.

"Then why are you trying to keep me from having a laugh with my best mate while we try to help the wizarding world?"

"Because I don't want you to end up dead!" she said through clenched teeth, eyes darting between his. "You can go have as much fun as you want with James. You can save the world and poke fun at all the Death Eaters you want while you do it. Turn their hair blue while you stun them or whatever. But I don't want that to be the reason you end up dead! You don't get to die on me like that, Sirius! I want you to be there when the world is a better place. When it's all over. That's where I want you smiling and laughing. Not falling over from a killing curse while you take a jab at You-Know-Who."

He took a deep breath and pulled her to him. She felt him drop a kiss to the top of her head as the tension left his shoulders.

"I know." He said. "I know. I promise. I'll be careful. You're not getting rid of me any time soon, White."

"Good." She said firmly. "Now, where's this mission? Can I help?"

"London. In a few weeks." He said grinning. "As a matter of fact, you can. I'll need your help with a few levitation charms."

She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"We're taking my bike." His face broke out in a smile.

* * *

June 29, 1978

"Think of it, Alice." Calandra said, packing up her things. "After this we won't come back."

"I know." Alice said. "It doesn't seem real does it?"

"No. I feel like I just got here." Calandra said.

"Mum's making us a celebratory supper." Alice said. "Then we're helping you move into the flat over the weekend."

"You don't have to." Calandra said.

"Of course we do. That's what family is for." Alice said and took the pictures off the wall behind her bed.

She looked at them for a few moments and Calandra peered over her shoulder at them. Her own face shown out of almost all of them, laughing and grinning and occasionally pulling faces at Alice.

"I'm going to miss you, Callie." Alice said suddenly.

"I'm not going away, Alice. I'll be close by. And you can floo over anytime. You're already worked into the wards."

"It won't be the same, though." Alice said.

"No." Calandra agreed. "But it will still be good. We're heading to France together in a few days. I'll come visit when we get back. We'll have girl's night every week. And anytime you need anything you let me know. We made those journals for a reason."

"We should've made them ages ago." Alice said. "Instead of tiring out our owls so much."

Calandra laughed and pulled Alice in for a hug.

"Want to stay up late gossiping about everything and nothing, then sleep in the same bed tonight?" she asked.

"Just like old times?" Alice cocked an eyebrow.

"Just like old times." Calandra nodded.

* * *

July 2, 1978

"Well, what do you think?" Sirius spread his arms wide.

Calandra looked around and the boxes and bags that surrounded them. She smiled at his excited face.

"I can't believe James didn't give me a hard time about it." she said. "I figured he'd want you two to set up some bachelor pad."

"Prongs has his own place now, too." Sirius said. "He was all fired up to stay here until he realized that having his own place meant he could have Red over anytime he wanted without me taking the piss at him."

Calandra raised her eyebrows and looked back at the flat.

"Besides," Sirius said. "We're not really bachelors and you've been half living here for two years."

"Yeah," she smiled. "Wonder what it's going to feel like 'whole living' here now?"

"Good," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "It's going to feel good."


	30. Chapter 30

July 9, 1978

The French Rivera was absolutely marvelous. Sirius had taken Calandra and Alice to wonderful restaurants in the beautiful town of Ramatulle. He led them through magnificent gardens of some of his distant relatives in Bormes. They'd all had a grand time. Calandra had never felt so free in her life. She'd spent the past three days with the two people she loved most in life walking along white sand beaches in St. Tropez; life was nearly perfect.

They were standing at the French Ministry of Magic outside the portkey office. Alice had scheduled a nine o'clock portkey back to Britain and Calandra already missed her. She straightened Alice's collar and squeezed her friend's shoulders.

"Promise you'll be careful." Calandra said.

"I promise!" Alice laughed. "Don't worry! You know I'll take this seriously."

"I know, I know. But you've got a stubborn streak in you. Don't go looking for trouble." Calandra cautioned.

"I won't." Alice promised. "It's just training right now, anyway. I won't have field work for quite some time."

Calandra wrapped her arms around her friend again.

"Write to me, ok? I want to know everything that happens." Calandra said.

"I will." Alice squeezed her and pulled back. "I wish I could stay. It's been wonderful, but I have to be up bright and early tomorrow."

Calandra nodded and let her friend go. Alice turned to Sirius, who pulled her into a warm hug.

"Keep the ministry in line for us Fawcett." He said.

"Thank you so much for inviting me." Alice said. "I can't remember when I've had this much fun."

"My pleasure!" Sirius laughed. "Go back and tell Longbottom about your time in the country of lovers with a dashing young bloke, make him a bit jealous."

Alice laughed and picked up her suitcase. She kissed Calandra on the cheek and walked across the tile to the door. Alice turned back and blew Calandra a kiss.

"I love you!" Calandra called. "Be careful!"

Alice walked through the door and not a moment later a blue light glowed from the sides of the door. Sirius pulled Calandra to face him and enveloped her into a hug. She pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I don't know why I'm even crying." She laughed. "I'll see her in two weeks."

Sirius smiled and rubbed a hand along her back. She wove her fingers through his and they made their way out of the ministry and back down the cobblestone streets of the little town.

"Thank you." Calandra said sincerely.

"For what?" Sirius asked.

"For everything. I've sorely neglected you these past few days. You haven't said a word of complaint."

"You were happy." He said simply. "I got to watch you laugh with Fawcett and impress you with my French. What could I possibly have to complain about?"

"Ohh, I don't know." Calandra said. "Possibly the fact that I shared a bed with Alice instead of you for almost a full week."

"Ahh, yes. That did put a damper on the holiday, but we can make up for lost time this week. We've got five whole days to ourselves before Prongs and Red join us." He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, yes. And what are your plans for seduction, Black?" Calandra said, batting her eyelashes at him.

"Maybe I'll wine and dine you." he said. "Or perhaps I'll whisper sweet nothings in your ear….in French. Or I'll just lay back and let you seduce me."

"Oh really?" She asked with a laugh.

"Sure. You're an independent woman. Maybe you want to do the seducing."

Calandra smirked and pulled a small parcel out of one of the bags she carried. She handed it to him and tapped the lid with her wand. Silver flowing script snaked across the lid of the box. _Séduire et Aimer_ _._ Sirius read the words and his eyes grew round. He looked up at her with a smile.

"Maybe I do." She said.

* * *

July 15, 1978

"Pads!" James Potter's voice carried down the beach.

Calandra looked over to see Sirius jump up run towards James. They met in a tangle of arms and Sirius clapped James on the back. She rose to her feet and went to meet them. Calandra enveloped Lily in a hug as the two men made over each other.

"Well," Lily said, laughing. "I've lost James for the remainder of our holiday, what say we go find ourselves a bit of fun?"

"Of course! We'll do whatever you like!" Calandra said.

"Well, I heard through the grapevine that Bob Dylan is just across the channel tonight." Lily said.

"Who do we have to confund to get tickets?" Calandra said immediately.

"I knew you'd be on board." Lily laughed.

They'd bought tickets off a scalper in Blackbushe and spent the night swaying along to the music that floated on the air. Artists sang and played and Calandra never wanted to leave. She and Lily were still in awe when their portkey whirled them back to France that night. James and Sirius met them outside the French Ministry of Magic and they all had dinner together at a small bistro. As they were getting ready for bed that night Calandra told Sirius all about her day with Lily.

"What about you?" she asked, running a comb through her hair. "What sort of trouble did you and James get into?"

Sirius tossed his shirt into the open suitcase in the corner of the room. He sat at the edge of the bed and smiled at Calandra.

"Prongs required my expertise." He said.

"With what?" Calandra asked, tossing the socks she'd pulled off into the suitcase.

"He needed someone who knew what they were looking at when it comes to expensive jewelry." Sirius said.

"And exactly how many galleons did your expertise wrangle out of his money bag?" Calandra asked.

"Not that many. By pureblood standards the ring's really more of an insult than a gift." Sirius said pulling off his socks.

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"Good thing Prongs doesn't care about all that." Sirius said with a grin. "Good thing I don't either."

"And why is that?" Calandra asked.

"Well." Sirius plucked his toothbrush out of the cup on the sink. "If I cared about all that I couldn't be with you, now could I?"

"I'll have you know; I can trace my lineage back just as far as you can, on one side at least." Calandra punched his arm lightly. "And mine has a lot less inbreeding in it."

Sirius laughed as he brushed his teeth. He spat into the sink and rinsed his mouth.

"Quite right you can, but last night would've been absolutely scandalous to our ancestors. If we were proper purebloods, we wouldn't be here together, now would we? Courtships and whatnot."

He wrapped and arm around her waist and nuzzled into her neck. Calandra smiled and ran a hand along his cheek.

"I'm not, though." Calandra said. "Not a proper pureblood."

"Trust me, love." Sirius said. "I know there's nothing proper about you at all. And, like I said, I don't give a shite about any of it. You could be a muggle and I'd still be pining after you."

Calandra rolled her eyes as he kissed her. She ran her hand through his hair and mussed it up before walking into the bedroom and turning the duvet down on the bed.

"Wait." She said, turning back to Sirius. "You said ring. What kind of ring?"

Sirius just gave her a look.

"No!" Calandra exclaimed with a giggle.

Sirius nodded.

"Ten galleons says he does it before the weekend." Sirius said.

Calandra shook her head.

"Of course, he'll do it before the weekend. Be more specific, Black." She said. "My money is three days. One day to get over his nerves and the next one to plan some stupid romantic gesture."

Sirius stroked his chin.

"Alright then." He said. "I'll rise to it. Two days. He probably already has something planned."

"Damn it." Calandra cursed. "I didn't think of that."

Sirius smiled at her.

"You could go ahead and give me my galleons now, love." He said.

"Nope." Calandra protested. "I'm still holding out. You may have a leg up on me with James, but I still say he's going to try to pull out all the stops."

She dug in the drawer and tossed a pair of pajama pants to him and shrugged on a night shirt. A shriek from the next room over made them both jump and they both looked at the wall in surprised.

"Yes! Of course! Yes!" could barely be heard from where they stood.

Sirius and Calandra shared a grin.

"I guess we were both wrong." She said, wrapping her arms around him.

"Prongs always was a little quick on the draw." Sirius said. "Let's hope his proposal is the only thing that's a bit premature, eh."

Calandra batted his arm and he scooped her up and spun her around. They landed on the bed together laughing when someone knocked on the door. James burst into the room holding Lily's hand.

"She said yes! She said yes!" he declared joyously and jumped on top of Sirius.

Calandra laughed at the tangle of arms and legs on the bed. Lily came over and held out a hand. Calandra pulled herself up and embraced her friend. She kissed James on the cheek and offered her congratulations to the both of them.

"What made you choose the moment, Prongs?" Sirius asked, ruffling James's hair.

James shoved him off.

"I was going to wait until our reservation on the beach. Had candles and music and the whole lot." He smiled. "But when we were together, I just looked at her and thought, sod it. She's perfect. Any moment I pick will be perfect."

He looked over at Lily.

"I just couldn't wait." He said.

They ordered champagne and toasted the betrothed. The four of them stayed up late into the night chatting and joking and just enjoying each other's company. When they finally told one another goodnight, Calandra relaxed against Sirius in their bed.

"You know." She said. "If James would have stuck with his original plan, I would've won the bet."

Sirius chuckled and pulled her close.

"I was still closest." He said.

"By a technicality." Calandra pointed out.

"I still won." Sirius retorted.

Calandra laughed. "You hardly need the galleons, so what exactly did you really win, Black?"

Sirius ran a finger down her jaw and tilted her face up to his.

"Everything." He murmured as he leaned into her.

* * *

July 16, 1978

"We're thinking a spring wedding, but maybe we won't be able to hold out that long." James said, enthusiastically. "Then a long honeymoon. Don't know where yet. Somewhere warm, though. No need for extra clothes."

He winked at Lily and she smiled and rolled her eyes at him.

"There'll be great music, and lots of champagne. Oh, and as much bolognese as Guido's can make." James said enthusiastically.

"Wow, Prongs." Sirius poured wine into their glasses. "Do you have your sprogs names picked out, too."

"Of course." James said, unphased by Sirius's teasing. "Marigold if it's a girl. Harry if it's a boy. For the first one, that is. We've got a few options for the next two."

"We have not agreed on Marigold." Lily said. "James just wants it to be a flower. Says it's a new tradition."

"You want three?" Calandra said in surprise.

"I'd like five." James said, cutting into his crepe. "Three's the most I could get her to agree to."

"I'm going to be doing the heavy lifting." Lily laughed.

"I'm not complaining, love." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "Anyway, clear your schedules, you two. It'll be the party of the century."

Sirius smirked and shook his head at his friend. Calandra sat and sipped her wine deep in thought.

* * *

July 16, 1078

She walked along the beach in the moonlight with Sirius that night. He shrank their shoes and put them in his pocket, then grabbed her hand as they wound their way through the sand. He pointed out stars to her and she half listened, reminded a bit of an Astronomy lesson years ago.

"Sirius." She said, stopping and turning to him.

He looked down at her.

"Yeah, love."

"I've been thinking." Calandra said. "And I don't know what you see when you look at the future, and I don't expect anything from you, but I need to tell you something."

His brow furrowed and she pressed on.

"I don't want to have children."

He studied her face and she swallowed.

"I mean I would like to have children, but I don't think I ever will. I don't want to pass on what I am. I hate what it means to be me in our world. I can't make another little girl go through that. I can't do it. I need you to know that. I need you to know that _now_."

He nodded and wrapped one of her curls around his fingers.

"I see you." he said softly. "In my future. Every way I've ever imagined it, you're there. With me."

Calandra reached up and held his hand.

"This may change that." She said, thickly. "And I'll understand if it does."

He started to shake his head and Calandra held up her hand.

"You deserve a family, Sirius. A real family. I can't give you that. I need you to really think about what I'm saying before you tell me what you think Ok?"

She saw heartbreaking tenderness in those beautiful grey eyes as he watched her. He nodded softly and brought her hand up to his lips. They turned back toward the dock in the distance. Calandra held his hand tightly in hers as they walked back, silently. If he decided on a future without her because of this, she'd let him go. She would, but not tonight.

She pointed out Jupiter and rattled off names about her favorite moons and he listened. He took in every word she said, although he'd heard it all before. Calandra got lost in his eyes as he gazed at her.

* * *

July 19, 1978

She sat on the beach and watched Sirius and James dive into the waves. Lily had fallen asleep under the umbrella about ten minutes after the two wizards had jumped into the ocean. Calandra pushed her hat back and smiled at the sight before her.

James emerged from the water; lanky legs sticking out from his swimming trunks and hair slicked against his head. He turned around and laughed at Sirius who had popped up out of the water and was shaking sand out of his shorts.

Calandra drank Sirius in. Dark hair plastered to his neck; legs covered in sand. He was tanned from spending so much time in the sun on their holiday and looked more carefree than Calandra had ever seen him. His eyes danced with light and laughter as he ran toward James and swung him up over his shoulders. James clutched his glasses as Sirius tossed him into the waves.

Calandra could see it now; two little boys, one with a mop of messy dark hair, the other with grey eyes and a tiny black ponytail chasing one another on the beach. They'd laugh and toss sand at each other, and their fathers would probably join in. A pretty woman with red hair would warn the messy haired little boy to play nicely and the little boy with gray eyes and dark hair would look to his own mother, waiting for a warning. When she called out to the little boy, she wouldn't worry about being too loud. That woman's voice wouldn't stop strangers on the street. That woman couldn't make magic with nothing but her words, but she could give him a family. That woman in the future who got to watch Sirius playing with the little boy with eyes that matched his own wouldn't be her. And it broke her heart.

* * *

July 25, 1978

Calandra unpacked her suitcase. She went through and put her clothes away by hand, without magic. She took her time folding jumpers and sliding them in the drawer, tossing socks in the dresser, and hanging dresses in the closet. She picked through the suitcase, separating Sirius's clothes from her own. He followed her into the bedroom a few moments later, tossing his suitcase on the bed.

"If you used your wand, things would go a lot faster love." He said waving his own over the suitcase.

"You've told me that before, if I recall correctly." Calandra smiled at him and plucked the last pair of trousers from the suitcase.

"Knowing you, I'll probably be telling you that when we're eighty." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stubborn thing you are."

Calandra's hands paused in folding up the trousers. The words shouldn't have pierced her heart, but they did. She slowly pulled out a drawer, lay the trousers inside, and pushed it back in. She turned back around, and Sirius hoisted her up in the air, hooking her knees around his waist.

"Whoa!" Calandra said with a laugh.

Sirius kissed her and took a step forward until she sat perched on the edge of their bureau. He leaned in closely to her and wrapped his arms around her. Calandra rubbed a hand across his back and hooked her ankles together behind him.

"I meant that." He said, pulling back. "I probably will be telling you that when we're eighty. I hope I am. Merlin, I should be so lucky."

Calandra searched his eyes.

"We don't have to have kids to be a family, Cal." He said softly.

Calandra swallowed and shook her head.

"I mean it." He said. "I'm not taking the piss at this."

He cradled her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks.

"I'm not with you for some mythical future sprogs you could give me. I'm with you for you. That's all I want."

Calandra felt a tear snake its way down her cheek. Sirius kissed her nose and she smiled.

"You deserve everything, though." She said. "And I can't give you that."

Sirius shook his head.

"You're already more than I deserve." He said.

Calandra bit back an incredulous laugh.

"Life with you will be more than anything I could've dreamed up for myself." He said and chucked her under the chin.

"Besides." He ran his hands down her arms then wrapped one around her waist and slid the other under her thigh. "Just because we won't be having any babies, doesn't mean we won't spend lots of time practicing making them."

He leant in and kissed her as he spun them both around and dropped Calandra on the bed.


	31. Chapter 31

October 2, 1998

She let his words comb through her tangled thoughts and felt their gentle balm against her heart. She still didn't think she was enough. He'd never given her any reason to doubt it, but how could she be when he deserved the world?

Calandra danced her fingers across the blue light that shone from the square in the door. That was the color blue she'd mixed in one of the paint shops to show the owner she knew what she was talking about. But she didn't get the job.

She didn't get any of the jobs. Her father had paid off everyone she'd gone to. It made her blood boil when she found out. She was absolutely furious. She screamed and cried and yelled. But no one would hire her.

She ran fevers after that. There would be nights when her skin felt like it was on fire and Sirius would cast cooling charm after cooling charm. Her throat burned and her fingers tingled. None of the healers knew what was going on.

So, they went looking for answers. She travelled to Greece, hoping to meet Sirens there. They went to Rome and Ireland and countless other places, in between Sirius's work for The Order. But didn't find anything.

The memories came quickly now. Those times where she sought answers and only found hints of them in threats from her father. She ran her hand down the blue square and allowed herself to get lost in the memories again.

* * *

September 10, 1978

Calandra waved goodbye to Tom and left the Leaky Cauldron. She walked down the busy street absentmindedly; thinking about libraries in the old cathedrals in Italy and Rome. The Greek Isles hadn't been very enlightening, but perhaps the other countries would hold the answers to all those secrets that swam in her blood.

She didn't even notice the man who pulled her into the alley. Calandra jerked her wand out in front of her, but it did no good. The man pulled the wand from her grasp and shoved her against the wall. Calandra struggled for a moment until she realized who it was.

Her father watched her; cool gaze meant to intimidate. Calandra lifted her chin and waited for him to speak. He held both of her arms in his hands in a punishing grip. Slowly, his lips split into a horrible smile.

"Hello, there Calandra." He said. "You haven't been returning my letters. My owl always turns up empty taloned."

"I don't have anything to say to you." Calandra muttered.

"Come now, Callie." Her father said.

"Don't call me that!" Calandra bit out.

Her father peered at her curiously.

"You disappoint me, Callie." He said, his voice dripping in condescension. "You could've been something great. Something I could be proud of."

"Don't. Call. Me. That." Calandra seethed.

"Perhaps I should start delivering the letters myself to ensure I get a reply." He said. "I daresay, I could find where you and the young Fawcett girl live."

Calandra smirked at her father.

"Look at that." She said. "He cares so much about his daughter; that she doesn't respond to his owls. But daddy dearest didn't even know she moved out, got her own place."

Johnathon's eyes narrowed.

"What kind of father is that?" Calandra asked pityingly.

Her father's grip tightened on her arms.

"The kind who should've put you in your place a long time ago." He bit out.

Calandra stood firm and glared at him.

"My place?" Calandra laughed. "Hidden in the shadows somewhere? Locked away so I can't cause problems?"

Johnathon sneered at her.

"Do you have any idea of what you do to my reputation? Even without the world knowing what kind of monster you are. Traipsing around with the dregs of society. Blood traitors! Werewolves!"

"All of them are better people now than you could ever hope to be." Calandra spat. "That werewolf you despise is the kindest person I've ever met. Those blood traitors are the smartest, most talented people out there. One's a bloody good shag, too."

Johnathon jolted, as if someone had hit him with an immobilizing spell. Calandra gave a wicked smile.

"That's right." She said. "Whatever little pureblood façade you wanted to play is over. Who would ever have me now? Used goods and all. You're out of boxes, _Father._ "

Johnathon pulled his hand away and slapped Calandra across the face. She stared at him as her cheek stung and smiled once more.

"Leave me alone and there's nothing to fear." she said and silently acciod her wand.

Johnathon looked down at his empty hand with wide eyes, then looked back up to his daughter. Calandra watched his mask slide back into place before he smiled at her.

"You think I'm scared? Of you?" he asked.

"No." Calandra said. "I know you are."

She turned on her heel and spun, apparating away.

* * *

September 10, 1978

"I saw him, today." Calandra told Alice that night at dinner.

Alice looked up from her roast chicken in surprise.

"What did he want?" she asked.

"Same as always." Calandra said. "Me put away neatly, unable to stir up trouble in his life."

Alice slammed her fork and knife down on the table.

"You're already out of his life." She fumed. "You left and told him you wouldn't be back. And you haven't been back. Why isn't that enough?"

Calandra smiled sadly at her friend.

"You know why." She said.

Alice's eyes softened and she reached a hand out across the table to link fingers with Calandra. She searched Calandra's face for a long moment before she spoke.

"I just wish…" Alice trailed off.

Calandra nodded.

"Me, too."

* * *

September 27, 1978

Calandra sealed her parchment in an envelope and sent it off to the ministry with Abba. Sirius had sent his in yesterday, so his was taken care of. Calandra checked her watch and grabbed her sketchbook. She had some time before they were meeting James.

Calandra cast an Imperturbable Charm on herself and headed out the door. She came out on the street and breathed in the crisp air. She stuck her wand in her pocket and walked to the park near the flat. Ducks floated on the water of the small pond beside the shelter. Children chased one another around the swing set and a couple people walked around the path, their dogs leading them on leashes.

Calandra pulled out her sketchbook and a pencil. She made broad lines across the paper and drew trees. She rubbed her thumb across one of the lines to smudge it. Calandra sat at the picnic table absorbed in the world she was creating on the small page. Bit by bit, the lake took form. The trees crowded its edge and ducks glided across its surface.

"I figured I'd find you here." Sirius said, sliding onto the bench beside her.

"Hey." She said giving him a kiss, then checking her watch. "You're back early. I didn't expect you home until closer to five or six."

Sirius leaned in to look at her drawing.

"Didn't take as long as I thought it would at Eyelops." He said. "Prongs got finished early, too. Wants to know if you want to go get fish and chips for supper."

"I don't care." Calandra shrugged. "That sounds as good as anything else."

"Perfect." He said lighting a cigarette. "We'll meet him in about an hour."

Calandra nodded and pushed the sketchbook and pencil toward Sirius.

"Want to add something to it?" she asked.

He blew smoked over her head.

"And muss up your beautiful work of art? Hardly."

"I've probably got ten others just like this." Calandra laughed. "It's just the pond."

"Give it here, then." Sirius pulled the book closer to him.

Calandra watched as he worked. Cigarette dangling from his lips, hair falling into his face. His nose scrunched up when he couldn't get the pencil to translate what he was thinking, and he absentmindedly tucked his hair behind his ear. He reached up and plucked the cigarette from his mouth, flicking the ash off it and blowing out smoke. He added a few lines and pushed the book back toward Calandra.

She looked down and laughed out loud. He'd drawn a startling likeness of Dumbledore on a surfboard in the middle of the lake. His features were cartoonish; beard stretched out long enough to wrap around his ankle, his nose long and crooked. Sirius had put him in swim trunks with shamrocks all over them and long open robes covered in stars.

"I love it!" Calandra laughed. "We should send it to Remus. He'd get a huge kick out of it."

Sirius smiled and flicked his cigarette into the trashcan nearby.

"Yeah, he would." He said. "We used to do stuff like this all the time. Mine and James's schoolbooks were full of them."

"What a great use of schoolbooks." Calandra mused.

"It is when you already know what's inside." Sirius said.

"Come on, Einstein." Calandra got up from the picnic table and held out a hand. "Let's go meet up with Bergmann and have supper."

"I think of James as my assistant, too." Sirius said, getting up. "Nice to know you consider me the main brain of the operation."

Calandra raised her eyebrows at him, impressed.

"I did take Muggle Studies, you know." He said.

"Oh, I know. I sat right behind you for three years." She said.

"And right beside me for the next two." He quipped.

"What can I say." She said walking backwards while she spoke. "Genius attracts genius."

* * *

November 2, 1978

Calandra sipped her tea, perched on the edge of the windowsill. She loved the view from this window. She could see part of the pond at the park and the trees surrounding it. It offered a wide view of the sky as it stretched out before her. Sitting in the windowsill reminded her of her mother and of days at school.

Sirius padded into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of tea. He waved his wand over the breadbasket and pulled out two slices of toast. Sticking one in his mouth he carried the other over to Calandra and held it out. She took it with a smile and sat it on her knee.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sirius?" she asked.

He looked around.

"What?"

"Toast without jam or butter at least?" she nodded toward his slice of toast.

He laughed and waved his wand. Jam appeared on both slices of toast. He leaned against the wall and crunched his breakfast.

"I was getting there." He said. "Toast without jam is just sad."

"Well, suffer through your peasant breakfast today." Calandra said taking a bite of her toast. "Tomorrow you get to plan the menu."

"Mmmm." Sirius closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. "Anything I want?"

"Of course." Calandra laughed. "Birthday breakfasts are made to order.

"In that case, your drop scones and a full English." Sirius said. "Plus smoked salmon and fresh melon."

"Ahhh." Calandra smiled. "There's that pristine pureblood palate. I was wondering what you were going to order to appease it."

"I haven't finished." Sirius shot her a withering look.

"Oh, do continue, though you might want to save room. We've got lunch with James and Lily tomorrow, too." Calandra smiled into her teacup. "Perhaps something light, like caviar, Mr. Black?"

"Overrated." Sirius rolled his eyes. "No, I'm more interested in how my birthday breakfast will be prepared."

Calandra shook her head at him.

"You should know by now, that I can cook, you prat. Very well, mind you."

"Right I do." Sirius patted his stomach. "But what if I want you to prepare my birthday breakfast in the apron, I so devotedly sewed for you?"

"Then I'll wear the apron." Calandra said, laughing.

Sirius shot her a devilish look.

"What if I want you to prepare my birthday breakfast in the apron, I so devotedly sewed for you, and nothing else?" he asked and swung her up into his arms.

Calandra laughed and kissed his nose.

"Who am I to refuse a wish from the birthday boy?" she said.

* * *

November 3, 1978

"You want more?" Calandra asked as Sirius flipped through his new book, Magical Mechanics, that Lily sent him.

"Of course." He said. "Don't you?"

"Well, yeah." Calandra admitted, dragging the box she'd wrapped out from under the bed. "But I don't have near as many as you. Do you even know what all of them are?"

Sirius scoffed at her and crossed his arms, still holding his book.

"I know exactly what they are." He said, loftily.

"Mmmhmm." Calandra said, setting the box down on the table. "And if I were to ask, oh, what this one was, you could answer me?"

She pulled his shirt apart and pointed to a tattoo that snaked its way across his arm.

"That one is a star cluster." Sirius said, easily.

Calandra raised her eyebrows.

"And this one?" she asked, pointing to another.

"Ok, so that one is upside down." Sirius admitted. "We were drunk and the man looked at my perfect illustration from the wrong side."

"You know runes mean something completely different upside down right?" Calandra laughed and scooted the box closer to him.

"They're right side up when I look at them, love." He said and tore the paper off the box.

Calandra watched him as he pulled items out of the box. She was always at a loss as to what to get him. He had more galleons than he knew what to do with and James always ended up picking out the things Calandra had her eyes on for Sirius's birthday, so she'd stopped trying to go shopping with him to pick things out for Sirius long ago.

He pulled out a scroll of parchment and peered at it, interestedly. Calandra watched his eyes scan the page, then crinkle in recognition. She'd found new charms to make his motorbike fly faster and higher. He kissed her nose and reached into the box for the other items. He pulled out two black boxes, one long and a bit thinner than the other, and a small square box.

He opened the larger box first, just as Calandra figured he would. He threw his head back in laughter as he reached into the box. He pulled out a silver hairbrush ran it theatrically through his hair. Calandra smiled at the gesture and motioned toward the other items in the box he held. Sirius rifled through the rest of the box. A shaving kit with a magical razor, a bottle of Sleakeazy's, a magical comb to match his hairbrush.

"You sure this isn't a gift meant for Prongs?" he asked.

"Please." Calandra rolled her eyes. "James wouldn't know a hairbrush if he met one on the street. His father creates the best hair potion around and he still walks around with that bird's nest."

Sirius laughed and pulled the ribbon off the smallest box and removed the lid. He tilted the contents into his hand and studied them. Calandra bit her lip as she watched him. He looked at her curiously and she spoke.

"Obsidian." She said. "It's supposed to offer protection and shield the wearer from negative magic. It's beautiful. I love obsidian. It's a dark stone, but it's magic is nothing but light. I thought it was fitting. The Runes are infused with Unicorn blood, Dragon blood, and Phoenix tears."

Sirius ran a finger along the stone and looked at Calandra with a reverential expression.

"This must have cost a fortune, Cal." He said.

"It would have." Calandra said. "If the man didn't have four Class B Nontradable items on his counter. Alice agreed not to turn him into the Auror office if he disposed of them in front of her and offered me a deal."

Sirius laughed and hooked the band over his head, looking down at the pendant on his chest.

"I pity the fool who tries to cross you two." He said and wrapped her in a hug.

"I got another gift in case you didn't like it." Calandra said nervously.

"I love it, Cals." He said. "It's perfect."

"So you don't want me to go get the Rubix Cube I bought you?" Calandra asked innocently.

"I don't…wait." Sirius stopped.

"You got me a Rubix Cube?" he asked excitedly. "One of those little puzzles like they had at the muggle shop?"

Calandra waved her wand and acciod the cube. Sirius tore it from the box and set to fiddling with it immediately. Calandra dropped a kiss to the top of his head as she gathered the wrapping paper.

"Happy Birthday Sirius."

"I'm not finished with you yet, Cal." Sirius reached an arm out and pulled her onto his lap.

"What say we end the night with a birthday present for you?" he asked suggestively.

"For me?" she smirked.

"Of course. Although I'm sure we'll both get equal enjoyment out of it."

"Alright, Black." Calandra ran a hand through his hair. "You're on."

"Great!" Sirius said and jumped up. "Get your shoes on woman, and let's go."

"Go where?" Calandra asked, wrongfooted.

"To the tattoo shop by the pub." Sirius said with a smirk. "You said you wanted more."

Calandra laughed and went to get her shoes from the bedroom. She grabbed her coat and slid her feet in her boots. Sirius took her hand and spun her around when she came back out into the living room. He kissed her and followed her out of the door.

"You're a horrible tease, you know." Calandra said as they walked down the steps.

"Anticipation, love." Sirius raised his eyebrows at her.

Calandra shook her head at him and wound her fingers through his.

"Any idea what we're getting?" Sirius asked.

"We?" Calandra echoed.

"Of course. I told you, we'd both get enjoyment out of this."

"You want matching tattoos?" Calandra asked.

"Sure." Sirius said. "And since this is an early celebration of your birthday, you get to pick."

They weaved their way through the night traffic. Sirius spun Calandra around and waltzed with her on the sidewalk. They were laughing when they stumbled in the tattoo parlor, tripping over one another's feet. The burly man behind the counter gave them an uninterested look as he pulled two chairs over. Calandra watched Sirius unbutton his shirt. She took in the markings on his chest and thought back to her seventh-year runes class. She smiled when the man turned to her and asked what they had in mind. She drew a sketch for him, and he showed it to Sirius.

Sirius gave Calandra a devastating smile as he pointed out which one he wanted. The man smoothed his mustache down and studied the page. He gathered his supplies and set to work. Sirius joked with him as black ink sank into his chest. The man gave a few gruff laughs but remained mostly silent. When he was finished, Sirius looked down at himself with a smile.

"You getting yours in the same spot?" the burly man raised his eyebrows at her.

Sirius shot him a dirty look and stepped forward. Calandra rolled her eyes and silently transfigured her shirt to have a zipper up the back. She turned around and sat with her back to the man, puling the zipper halfway down her back.

"Right here." She pointed to her shoulder blade.

The man gave a sound of acknowledgment and brushed Calandra's hair to the side. She smiled when the needle touched her skin. This wasn't her first tattoo, not by a long shot. But this would probably be her favorite. She looked up at Sirius and found herself drowning in the silver of his eyes.

"What do you think?" she asked that night as she brushed her teeth.

"I love them." Sirius said glancing down at his newest tattoo.

"Up to your standards, are they?" she smirked.

"What, pray tell." He shrugged his shirt off. "Is that supposed to mean."

Calandra rolled her eyes and gave him a look.

"It means that you've got some "young and dumb" tattoos." She said.

"What else is youth for?" Sirius said pulling her down on the bed. "But for being young and dumb?"

Calandra smiled and kicked her socks off. She traced a finger along Sirius's chest, not quite touching his newest tattoo. She glanced up at him and cocked her head.

"You chose need. The one for fire." She said.

"Reminded me of you." he said. "You go up in flames when you're angry."

"And you ice over." She murmured. "How fitting."

Sirius kissed her collarbone and moved behind her, pulling her hair off to the side to study her tattoo. His breath felt cold on the hot skin of her shoulder.

"Why'd you choose here?" he asked.

"Would you rather I show my tits to the man at the shop?" Calandra smiled.

"Course not." He said wrinkling his nose. "But you rarely do things without a reason. I was just curious."

Calandra pushed him down on the bed and snuggled up against him. Her shoulder flush with his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"They fit together." She said.

Sirius breathed a contended sigh into her hair, and she smiled.

_Just like us._


	32. Chapter 32

January 3, 1979

"How am I supposed to seduce you when you won't pay attention to me?" Sirius joked from the doorway.

"What?" Calandra looked up.

"You haven't put that bloody book down for three days. What's got you so wrapped up?"

"I want to learn the Patronus charm." She said, flipping the page and tapping her wand against the book.

"Really?" Sirius seemed surprised. "Why?"

Calandra scoffed at him.

"You learned how to turn into a dog for fun, you've no right to judge."

"Fair enough, love." Sirius said, coming to perch on the arm of the chair.

"Alice was telling me about them. They're required for Auror training. They even use them to send messages." Calandra said eagerly.

"Useful little things, then." Sirius murmured, reading over her shoulder.

"They take the form of an animal. I wonder what mine will be." She said, handing the book to him.

"A fox, maybe." He winked at her. "Or a tiger, you're quite fearsome sometimes."

Calandra rolled her eyes and stood up. She flicked her wand toward a piece of parchment on the side table and it floated in the air. She cast a sticking charm to it and placed it on the wall. Calandra stared at the figure of a dementor on the page.

"OK." She said, taking a breath. "Read me the steps again, page sixty-three. I want to make sure I didn't miss anything."

Sirius flipped through the pages and read aloud.

"Patronus, blah blah blah.

It requires focus and concentration. One must imagine an experience of pure unadulterated joy. Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. Just think back to the night before last. You seemed pretty blissful to me."

"Sirius!"

"Only the happiest of memories will suffice for a corporeal Patronus."

"Alright." Calandra said turning back to the parchment on the wall. "A happy memory."

Her mind seemed to shuffle through memories. Her mother buying crisps at the supermarket, Alice braiding her hair, Sirius throwing snowballs at her. She focused on her memories and swished her wand through the air.

"Expecto Patronum!" she called.

Silver whisps shot out from her wand and vanished into thin air. She pursed her lips and focused her thoughts once more. Happy memories. Joking with Dorcas, laughing with Remus, watching Frank and Alice play exploding snap.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Silver whisps emerged from the end of her wand again. They hung in the air for a few seconds before disappearing. She shook her head. Her wand movements were correct, she pronounced the incantation right, she needed to focus more.

"Says here, many wizards are capable of producing non corporeal Potronuses with happy memories. The focus on one instance of pure joy is what separates corporeal and non-corporeal Patronuses." Sirius spoke up.

He snapped the book closed. "You've got to think of happier memories."

Calandra gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. She let her mind wander to happy thoughts. What made her happy? Her mother. No. Memories of her mother were so tainted with _him._ Alice, Sirius, Remus. Her friends. Flying. Painting.

The happiest memory. Pure joy. Her mind automatically went to the Malfoy's Gala. The inexplicable warmth that had filled her chest when Sirius had asked her to dance. He was like a beacon of light in that sea of darkness. She focused on that feeling and repeated the incantation.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Calandra opened her eyes to see the silver mist gathering at the end of her wand. It pooled and floated, forming a vague shape before sputtering out like the flame on a candle. So close. Sirius jumped up and down on the balls of his feet, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"You were so close! One more time!"

She nodded and closed her eyes again. Pure joy. Pure joy. Absolute happiness. Sirius kissing her in the moonlight. Alice singing along to a record. Leaving her father. Her mind paused. That feeling. That feeling of absolute freedom when she left. Alice had met her, had embraced her, had kissed her cheeks. She remembered that feeling. Like she was floating on air; seeing Alice so happy, knowing she'd never have to go back home, her life open to a future with endless possibilities.

"Expecto Patronum!"

She was almost scared to open her eyes. If that memory didn't work, she didn't know what would. She looked up and saw it. A silvery wolf floating in the air. A wolf? Calandra wondered what it meant. The wolf padded around her, nipping its head up in a playful motion. She reached a hand out to pet it, but as soon as she was a hair's width from touching it, the wolf turned and bounded circles through the air. It leapt up and, with its eyes on hers, dove straight into her chest.

Calandra staggered back. She looked over her shoulder, but the wolf wasn't there anymore. She looked down at herself, expecting to see silver on her clothes, but nothing shone. She looked over to Sirius to find him with his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide with wonder. He smiled at her and ran to her, swinging her up in his arms.

"That was amazing!" he said, laughing. "Absolutely incredible!"

He spun her around and set her back down.

"You're one hell of a witch, Cal."

* * *

January 28, 1979

Diagon Alley was bustling that morning. Shoppers scurried up and down the streets, clutching their bags and chattering away. Calandra shrank the box of potion ingredients and stowed it in her pocket. She still needed to go to Flourish and Blott's to see if her order had arrived or not. She peered through the window of the shop, searching for a familiar shock of black hair. Sirius was supposed to meet her here. It was already past time for them to meet, in fact.

"Hey, Callie!" she turned to find Frank Longbottom waving at her. "What brings you to Diagon Alley today?"

"The apothecary and the bookstore!" she smiled. "Is Alice with you?"

"No. She's helping my mother today." He made a face.

"I'm sure she's thrilled." Calandra laughed.

"Wedding planning has taken a bit of a backseat, here lately." Frank said.

"Training still intense?" she asked, stepping to the side so a hag could pass by.

Frank leaned in closer.

"They're pushing pretty hard. I've already been out in the field." He said.

"What? You've barely been in two years!" Calandra said.

"I know. They've waved the three-year training period before field work. If you've got a year under your belt and you're able, you're in the field." He said.

Calandra's mind raced.

"That means that Alice…" she trailed off and looked at Frank.

"Yeah." He said. "I know. She's top of her class, too."

A loud bang went off, down the street to their right, halting their conversation. They both jumped.

"Do you think that came from Zonko's?" Frank asked suspiciously.

"I don't know." Calandra replied peering down the street.

Another bang went off to their left, behind the robe repair shop and they saw smoke snake up into the air. All of a sudden, the streets filled with people running out of the shop doors. A huge explosion shook the street and the sound of people screaming surrounded them. Calandra saw flames in the window of the broom shop. A young man with blood pouring down his face stumbled out of the door coughing, and Calandra ran to him.

"We've got to help!" she called to Frank.

They had just reached the man when he fell to the ground in a heap. Calandra knelt down and felt for his pulse. Frank had his wand trained on him, doing a diagnostic spell. She looked up and saw Frank wince and shake his head. The young man was dead. They couldn't do anything.

Another explosion shook them. The ground rumbled. Frank lost his footing and fell against the bench outside the apothecary. Calandra held on to the side of the next building and reached an arm out. Frank grabbed hold and made his way to his feet just as the ground stopped shaking.

"I was supposed to meet Sirius here. I have to find him." She trembled.

Frank looked around. Flames licked upwards toward the sky. Smoke filled the streets and sparks shot through the smog. People were running in all directions and they could hear shouts getting closer.

"Come on!" he said grabbing her hand. "This way."

He turned and they ran down the street towards the shouts and the sparks. They passed groups of witches and wizards huddled against store fronts, trying to escape the mayhem. They were just crossing to the other side of the street when something exploded in front of them, causing rocks and pavement to fly up in their faces.

Frank pushed Calandra behind him as they skidded to a halt. Pebbles and other debri scratched against their face. Calandra coughed from the dust that rose up. Frank groaned. Calandra turned to him and saw him clutching his side, the seam of his shirt ripped open and a large purple bruise was already forming under oozing blood. She reached out to stabilize them when Frank looked over her shoulder. His eyes widened and he pushed them both toward the side. Calandra looked back and found herself staring at an alley full of masked figures. Death Eaters. She grabbed Frank by the waist and threw a shield charm up across the length of the street.

"GO!" she yelled towards the groups of people. "GET OUT!"

"Come on." She grunted as she hefted Frank up, watching the people scatter. "We've got to go."

Calandra ground her feet into the rubble and focused on the apparition point near St. Mungo's. She held tightly to Frank's arm and twisted. Nothing happened. She tried a different location, but still nothing. She couldn't apparate. Damn.

She pushed Frank to the side of the road and wedged him between herself and the shop fronts. The streets were deserted here. She saw shadows running toward them out of the mist and caught sight of a mask. She flung her wand over her shoulder and fired stunning spells and jinxes blindly. Frank was leaning on her more and more with each step and as soon as they made it to an alley, she shoved Frank in and turned around, facing the masked figures.

One was moving quickly towards them, a few others trailing farther behind. She shot an _Impedimenta,_ but the Death Eater deflected it. The smoke was getting thicker in the street. She shot another curse and the Death Eater swerved, barely escaping it. She ducked back into the alley and cast a silent disillusionment charm over herself and Frank. Calandra pressed him up against the wall and turned back around just as the Death Eater stepped around the corner into the alley.

"Stupefy!"

The Death Eater dropped to the ground. Calandra grabbed Frank and flung his arm back over her shoulders. His breathing was getting heavier by the second and she knew he was having trouble standing. They made it down the street as quickly as Calandra could drag him. She ducked into another alley and rounded the corner behind the shop. Frank sucked in a sharp breath.

"Stop. Please. Stop." He begged.

Calandra eased him down to the ground and lifted Frank's disillusionment charm.

"I'll heal you." she said. "Then I'll disillusion you again. I promise."

Frank nodded and looked down at his side. The whole side of his ribs were purple and yellow with bruises. Blood was pouring from nasty scrape that ran the width of his torso. She was almost certain that he'd broken a few ribs but couldn't risk fixing them right now. Calandra ran her wand lightly across the scrapes and stopped the blood flow. She cast healing charms and held Frank's head up to look at his eyes. He seemed to be lucid.

"Listen, Frank." She said urgently. "I don't know what else might be wrong with you. I've done what I can, but we have to move. Can you walk?"

He nodded and gripped her arm, moving to stand up. He stood there testing his weight, then stepped forward.

"I can walk on my own." He said.

"Good." Calandra breathed a sigh of relief. "We have to go."

Calandra disillusioned Frank once more and grabbed hold of his robes so she wouldn't lose him. They skirted the back of the building and darted back up the next alley. She felt Frank lean out of the alley, checking the street, then she felt him nudge her arm forward. They made their way out of the alley and quickly crept up the pavement.

A stupendous boom rang out and they fell against the shop front. Calandra rose to her hands and knees and pressed a hand against her temple, trying to stop her swimming head and the ringing in her ears. Her vision was blurry. She knelt there, on the ground, until she could see again and stood. She felt around for Frank and finally grasped his pant leg.

"Frank! Frank!" she whispered. "Are you ok? Can you move?"

"Yes." He said. "We need to apparate."

"I tried already," Calandra said quietly, helping Frank to his feet. "We've got to get further away. There are anti apparition wards up."

"There's an emergency point not far up ahead. It's the spot where the trash bin is by the brick wall behind the Owlry." Frank rasped. "No one knows about it but Aurors."

He grabbed her hand and stumbled forward. They moved clumsily. Calandra's head was throbbing, and she couldn't get her ears to stop ringing. Dark figures moved through the fog in front of the shops across the street from them. They had just made it to the front of the Post Office when Calandra heard a familiar voice.

"Prongs! To your left!"

She shoved Frank down the alley toward the back of the Owlry and whispered to him.

"Get out of here. I'm right behind you. GO!"

She felt him pause, like he was about to fight with her, but she shoved him back.

"I promise. I'm right behind you. Go to Alice! I'm not leaving without him!"

"I'm bringing Aurors back. Get out as soon as you can." He breathed.

She heard him run down the alley, then there was a faint pop. She wheeled around and ran into the street, searching for Sirius.

"Pads! We've got to go! Four more are coming down the alley!" James's voice came from up ahead.

"We haven't found her!" Sirius said.

"Never thought I'd be playing hide and seek in the middle of a duel to the death." James said then cursed.

Calandra saw a bright flash of light.

"I have to- Damn!" Sirius shouted and more lights flashed through the fog.

Calandra could barely make anything out in the fog. She picked her way around the rubble and found James and Sirius in the middle of the street firing hexes and curses at Death eaters coming from the alley ways and the storefronts. She lifted her illusion charm and ran to them.

"I'm here!" she yelled. "Come on!"

Sirius spun around and fired a curse over her shoulder, dropping a Death Eater who popped out of an alley. James grabbed hold of their shoulders and started pushing them to the right side of the street. She cast the disillusionment charm on all three of them then jerked on James's collar.

"Back that way!"

Sirius grasped her hand and ran. James followed behind her gripping her robes tightly, firing hexes in all directions. They stumbled across the mess in the street and made it to the corner of the Owlry. She glanced to her left and saw a group of Death Eaters running up the street toward them. Calandra felt something wash over her and knew without having to look, that the charm had been lifted. She grasped both Sirius and James as tightly as she could and ran forward, looking for the garbage bin.

She shoved them around the back of the building. Calandra looked around desperately. There in a corner was a garbage bin, sitting right in front of a brick wall. She ran toward it, dragging both men with her. They were two steps away when James tripped, and they all went sprawling.

Calandra landed in a heap against the trash bin and Sirius skidded to a stop flat against the brick wall. James was all tangled up in boxes and crates. She heard footsteps pounding up the alley and flung her wand out.

"Levicorpus!" she shouted.

James flew up into the air. She flicked her wand and braced herself. James crashed into her. Her head smacked against the brick wall. She reached over and grabbed Sirius by his shirt front and jerked him toward her, sandwiching James between the two of them, and yelled.

"Don't let go of him!"

She turned on her heel just as a bright flash of purple light cut through the air. She felt searing pain fill her skull as her body began to pull through the air. She held her breath as they spun and a second later, she felt the pressure release and her ears popped. They fell in a heap in front of a forest.

She lay there, breathing heavily, as James untangled his legs from hers. Sirius jumped up and reached his hand down to her. James stepped in front of him and pointed his wand at her.

"How do you close the Marauder's Map?" James asked.

"Prongs! She just saved our arses!" Sirius moved to step around James.

"Mischief Managed." She said sitting up.

Calandra's head was splitting. She heard James and Sirius talking, but their words just jumbled in her head. She reached a hand up to the side of her neck and her skin felt white hot. Whatever curse they'd used, had grazed her. If it had hit her straight on, she'd probably be dead. She felt pulses of pain beneath her hand and gritted her teeth.

She raised her wand and cast her Patronus.

"I am safe. James and Sirius are both with me." She said clearly and told the wolf to go to Frank.

"You hurt?" she asked them.

"No." they both shook their heads.

"You are." Sirius stepped forward. "Your face is scratched to pieces. Sit still and I'll heal it."

She shook her head and pulled her hair back.

"Neck's worse." She mumbled. Sirius studied the wound as James started talking.

"I need moonwater." Sirius interrupted, cursing. "They hit you with dark magic."

James's head shot up and he quickly knelt beside them, eyes drawn to the place on her neck that was pulsing.

"If I try to heal it without removing the curse it'll turn inward." Sirius muttered.

"I've got some," she said digging in her robes.

She pulled out the box from earlier and gave it to Sirius. He resized the box and dug through the parcels and vials. He pulled the cork out of the vial of moonwater with his teeth and dropped a drop on her neck.

Something that sounded like a hiss emitted from the curse wound and a faint tendril of smoke curled up into the air. As soon as the smoke drifted up, blood started pouring out of that part of the wound.

"Damn." Sirius gritted. "I can't do it. It's too close to her veins."

"Arteries." Calandra corrected automatically.

Sirius clenched his jaw, not even bothering to roll his eyes like he normally would. James trained his wand on Calandra's neck and nodded to Sirius.

"I'll heal as you go. She'll bleed out otherwise."

Sirius held the vial over her neck and started slowly dropping the liquid over the curse. Each drop burned and hissed, and the acrid smell of smoke filled her nostrils. She didn't feel any blood dripping down her neck, though. When she glanced up at James, she saw that his jaw clenched tight and sweat was dripping down his forehead.

The throbbing and pulsing pain slowly faded away, and Calandra felt her head clearing. She felt Sirius's hands on her neck and breathed a sigh of relief when there was no pulsing pain.

"Stay still," Sirius said, "I've got to heal your face."

James stood up and watched Sirius work.

"What happened?" she asked as Sirius patched up the cuts and scrapes on her forehead. "I was waiting on you outside of the apothecary and Death Eaters just started blowing things up."

"We were just coming out of Gringotts." James said. "Death Eaters flooded the street. We're not sure why they were there."

"We saw them. They took Gambol, the advisor for the Minister." Sirius said waving his wand across the left side of her face. "I don't know if they got anyone else. We need to let the others know."

James nodded and said, "When you're up to it, we'll head back and call a meeting. Moody will want to know about this."

"Frank's bringing Aurors to Diagon Alley." Calandra said, wincing as a deep cut closed up above her eye.

"There probably won't be any Death Eaters left when they get there. They were disapparating all around us." James shook his head.

"We'll go to the safe house and let everyone know. We can take it from there. You know they'll call a meeting." Sirius finished his healing charms and ran a hand through her hair. "How'd you know Longbottom is bringing Aurors."

"I met him while I was waiting for you." Calandra said. "We were together when everything happened. He got hurt and I tried apparating him out, but it didn't work. He told me of an Auror apparition point, and we found you guys on the way."

She rubbed her face with her hands.

"I told him to go and he tried to stop me, but I told him I'd be right behind him. He promised to get Aurors and I came to get you two."

Sirius looked furious. He opened his mouth.

"No!" James cut across him, his voice firm.

Sirius rounded on him and James shook his head. "You know you would have done the same. None of that. You don't get to blame her for getting us out of there."

Sirius was silent. Calandra looked at James; she'd never really seen them like that before. Sirius finally nodded and wrapped Calandra in a hug.

"Come on. Let's go."

James gave the address and spun on his heel.

Sirius and Calandra followed suit and landed in a small kitchen.

"We're safe here." Sirius said, planting a kiss on her temple. "I'll go contact Moody."

Sirius walked toward the hall. James leant against the sink and Calandra swung up to sit on the counter; there wasn't a table or chairs in the room. She rested her head back against the cabinets and closed her eyes.

"Thanks, White." James said softly.

She opened her eyes to find James looking in her direction.

"You were right beside Sirius. You could've left with him before that curse. But you got me out, too." James swallowed.

"Did you really think I'd leave without you?" she asked incredulously.

He didn't meet her eyes.

"James," she hopped off the counter, "I love you. You're practically my brother. You _are_ Sirius's brother. I'd never leave you behind."

James's throat bobbed. He pursed his lips.

"I'm so sorry." He said. "It'll probably scar."

"I'm fine." Calandra said. "I'll take as many scars as they can give me if it means keeping you all safe. Don't pretend like you'd be any different."

"I just….." he started then crushed her into a hug. "Thank you, Cals."

She patted his back.

"Thank you." he repeated.

"Anytime, James. Anytime."


	33. Chapter 33

February 3, 1979

She sat next to Remus and Peter, a few rows back from the front. Lights twinkled everywhere and the sun shone through the stained-glass windows of the small chapel. It was a small ceremony, not even fifty people in attendance, but it was perfect.

An elderly witch in front of them turned around and nodded approvingly. The feathers on her flamboyant hat bobbed up and down with the movement.

"Good to see you've settled down, yourself Mr. Lupin." She nodded at Remus and Calandra, then fixed her gaze on Peter. "And Peter, dear, why didn't you bring along your young lady friend?"

Calandra and Remus shared an amused glance, then set their sights on Peter.

"Yeah, Pete." Remus said elbowing his friend. "Where's the pretty little healer you've been going on about?"

"I still haven't gotten a chance to meet her!" Calandra said, giving Remus a wink.

Peter scowled at them and lifted his head to the witch in front of them.

"I…err.. decided to come by myself. Didn't want to bother anyone." He said evasively.

"Oh no, dear!" the lady said, adjusting her hat. "Weddings are no bother. I daresay your young witch might get some ideas of her own."

She gave Calandra a pointed look and winked at Remus. Calandra bit her lip to keep from laughing. Remus covered up a laugh with a cough and nodded seriously. Peter blushed furiously and scowled at his friends again. Remus linked his arm through Calandra's and leant forward to the lady.

"You know," he said, conversationally. "I think you're absolutely right. Sometimes a wedding is just the nudge a bloke needs in the right direction."

"Quite right, dear." the older witch patted his arm. "Peter, you just listen to Remus here next time."

Peter rolled his eyes.

"I don't see a ring, though, dear." The lady peered at Calandra's hand.

"Oh, I'm sure you will soon." Remus said in a stage whisper and smiled at the woman.

The witch gave her nose a tweak and glanced back up to the front of the chapel. She sighed and shook her head.

"Now, if only that Sirius Black would settle down." She shook her head. "I'd hoped young Potter would curb a few of his wilder tendencies since meeting Lily. But I don't think there's a witch alive that could tame that one, though."

Remus glanced down at Calandra.

"I don't know. He may just surprise us all."

* * *

February 3, 1979

She swayed to the music and sipped her champagne, gazing at the group of people under the tent. It was a beautiful ceremony, small and intimate. James and Lily seemed to glow the entire time, completely wrapped up in one another.

She looked up at the table where they sat. Lily was leaning over James to say something to Sirius and he laughed. He was so handsome, especially so tonight; clad in dress robes and happy for his best mate. She'd not seen him this lighthearted in some time.

"He's a sight for sore eyes, isn't he dear?"

Calandra looked beside her to find Euphemia Potter smiling up at her. The witch had on robes of deep red. They were quite simple but made her look like royalty. She wore a strand of pearls around her neck. It was so different from the attire she'd seen on witches at the formal events she'd attended with her father, with witches and wizards draped in robes of heavy embroidery and dripping in jewels. But Euphemia had such a grace about her, she seemed more elegant than all the other witches combined.

Euphemia nodded up towards the main table. Calandra followed her gaze. James and Sirius had their heads close together now, talking quietly to each other. Lily was smiling at someone congratulating them.

"Yes, James is looking quite handsome today. It's different seeing him in anything other than school robes or quidditch gear. He cleans up nicely." Calandra smiled.

"Ahh, James does look quite spiffy, but I was talking about another wizard. One who's hair doesn't resemble a Puffskein." Euphemia's eyes twinkled at her.

"I can't imagine Sirius not looking handsome." Calandra said with a smile.

Euphemia nodded and gazed up at the table. Calandra just watched the witch beside of her. Euphemia had more lines on her face than the first time Calandra had met her. Worry had left its mark on her, but she looked radiant right now. Her eyes misty as she looked on.

Calandra knew that she was watching James and Sirius; reliving some scene in her mind as she drank them in. Euphemia stood there, a smile on her lips and her hand held to her chest. Calandra felt like she was watching something very personal but couldn't look away. So much love radiated from the older woman.

Calandra found herself suddenly throwing her arms around the woman. Euphemia seemed a bit surprised but returned the embrace sincerely. The two stood like that for some time, Calandra clinging to the older woman trying to pour everything she felt into that hug. She finally pulled away with tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said wiping her face. "I just….Thank you. For everything."

Euphemia put her palm to Calandra's cheek.

"I should be thanking you." Euphemia said.

"I can't imagine what for." Calandra said with a shaky laugh.

"For making him so happy. For giving him love, while expecting nothing in return. I can probably count on one hand the number of people who have extended that courtesy to him."

Calandra smiled at the woman.

"I often wondered if Sirius would ever allow himself to love someone. If he'd ever find someone he could be that vulnerable with, after all he'd been through. The minute I saw him looking at you on that train platform, I knew."

Euphemia stroked Calandra's cheek. "I knew I wouldn't have to worry about that anymore."

The two stepped back from each other and Euphemia set her drink down and reached for Calandra. She held the young witch's hands in hers and squeezed them.

"All I want for my sons is their happiness. Sirius has found that with you. The two of you have our full blessing when the time comes."

Calandra couldn't say anything. She just nodded. She looked back up to the table and found his eyes watching her. She smiled and watched him light up. She saw her whole future in those beautiful grey eyes.

* * *

February 3, 1979

"Would you like to dance?" she looked up to find James holding out a hand.

"Of course." She smiled.

"To what do I owe this honor? I thought dances with the bridegroom were reserved for mothers and the bride." she asked as he guided her onto the dance floor.

He smiled as they settled into the dance.

"I figure I owe you one for all the times you dragged me around on the dance floor." He said easily.

She looked at him. He looked so like the boy she'd seen that first day she'd gone to school, charming mustaches to all the paintings in the corridor by the great hall. He smiled down at her and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"I'm happy for you," she said. "You finally did it, Prongs."

"Yeah," he said glancing towards his wife. "Who would've ever thought?"

She snorted. "Oh, please. We all knew you fancied each other. You didn't try to hide it, but she did. We heard nothing but James Potter this and James Potter that nonstop since fourth year."

He raised his eyebrows and his face broke out in a grin.

"You're off the hook on getting a wedding gift, Cals." He said sending her spinning. "That right there can be my gift."

Calandra laughed. "It's a fine thing, you telling me that now. When the gift is already wrapped and on the table."

The song flowed into a slower one and she stepped back, letting him go so he could go find his wife, but James stepped forward.

"One more dance, then I'll leave you alone." He said.

"Sure." she said in surprise.

They swayed to the music for a moment, comfortable in the silence, then he broke it.

"He's really gone for you." James said. "You know that, right?"

Calandra looked up to find his eyes boring into hers. She nodded.

"I know he's stubborn, and haughty, and compulsive, and intense, and everything in between." James said. "But, damn it all, if he isn't the best person I've ever met."

She didn't say anything. He looked down at her and she saw that his eyes were wet.

"He's my brother, Cals." He said, softly. "The best friend I've ever had."

"I love him." She said.

"I know." He replied. "He loves you, too. More than you'll ever know. Just remember that when he does something incredibly stupid."

"I'll remember that." she said with a smile.

"Oi! Prongs, stop making eyes at my date!" Sirius's voice came from behind her. "Do I need to you remind you that you're married, mate?"

James laughed and bowed theatrically to Calandra. He smiled and looked between the two people standing in front of him. He flung an arm around each of them and said a bit unbelievingly, "I'm married!"

"I think I'm going to go dance with my wife."

Sirius gave him a friendly shove and turned toward Calandra.

She shot him a smirk and he grinned.

"May I have this dance?" he held out a hand to her and she laid her fingers on his.

He grabbed her and pulled her to him, causing her to laugh. They swayed and twirled to the music for a bit. Calandra rested her head on his shoulder and felt his arm tighten around her waist. His cheek pressed against the top of her head and she relaxed into him, relishing in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

"Well, well, well." Sirius said as a new song started to play. "Would you listen at that."

Calandra smiled up at him as they swirled to the music of the song they played all the time.

"You look lovely tonight." he murmured against her hair.

She pulled back and looked at him.

"Funny that," she said with a smile. "I was thinking the same about you."

He pursed his lips and said, "I was going for roguishly handsome. I think it fits my personality better, don't you?"

"Hmm," she looked toward the sky as if in thought. "I don't think roguishly handsome quite suites you. It's usually reserved for those with a bit of a wild streak isn't it?"

"Are you calling me tame, White?" he asked, a grin playing at the corner of his lips.

"You've a huge penchant for trouble, you drive an unbelievably dangerous vehicle-that you illegally charmed. You have gobs of tattoos that most people, magical and muggle alike, do not find appropriate, and you're an incorrigible flirt." She listed. "All in all, quite tame don't you think?"

"Quite tame," he agreed. "I'll have to remedy that tonight."

"How so?" Calandra asked.

"Dance the night away, get absolutely drunk with my best friend, go home with the prettiest witch here, and charm the knickers right off her." He rattled off.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"In fact, I've already got a pretty good start on that list." Sirius said, spinning her around.

"Dancing…..check."

He lifted a glass of champagne off a floating tray and downed it.

"Getting a bit smashed….check."

He ran a hand down her back and leaned close.

"What do you say, White?" he whispered. "Think I've got a shot with the prettiest witch here?"

She breathed him in and gave him a long look.

"Euphemia's already taken, Sirius. Besides, I think she rather looks at you like a son."

Calandra felt him smile against her neck. "I was talking about the prettiest witch in the under thirty category, Cals."

He smiled down at her and she tiptoed up and whispered in his ear.

"In that case I think you can mark another item off your list."

His brows furrowed for a split second then he tilted his head back, roaring with laughter. She'd give anything in the world if she could just live in that moment forever. Seeing him happy and carefree and full of light.


	34. Chapter 34

March 7, 1979

Calandra had ordered every book Flourish and Blott's had on wolves. She poured over them and reread every footnote but couldn't find anything worthwhile in explaining the reasoning behind her Patronus. She sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"What's got you so blue?" Sirius asked, setting a cup of tea in front of her.

Calandra pushed the book back and rubbed her face.

"I'm trying to figure out the wolf thing." She said, pulling the teacup toward her. "None of the books are helping."

Sirius pulled a chair close to her and pulled the book towards him. He flipped through a couple pages and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Why do you care so much?" he asked.

"Your Patronus is supposed to be the animal you share the strongest affiliation with. Yours is a dog for crying out loud. I just want to know why it's a wolf."

"You don't think of yourself as a wolf?" he asked with a laugh.

"I don't know. Everything always means something else in the wizarding world. I don't know what the wolf means. What if it means I'm a horrible predator?"

"Moony's is a wolf, too." Sirius pointed out. "Do you think he's a predator."

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"They're obviously different." she said. "I made him show me. His looks different."

"Well his is the brown wolf." Sirius said easily. "Yours is the grey wolf."

He reached up and pushed her hair back off her face.

"Have you ever heard the stories of Morgana Le Fey or Medeina?" he asked.

"I've read Morgana's chocolate frog card, and we had to give Binn twelve inches of parchment on her." Calandra replied.

Sirius shook his head.

"Have you ever heard the legends?"

"I don't think so, why?" she asked.

"Well, I think you'd like them." He said, settling down into his seat, plucking a bunch of grapes off the plate in front of Calandra.

"Medeina was considered a goddess by muggles, but she was a witch. She was the most powerful magical being the north land had ever encountered. She was desperately sought after but lived her life fiercely independent and never married; choosing to, instead, focus on protecting the forests that she called home. She could transform into a she-wolf at will and led a pack of grey wolves throughout the forests, protecting magical creatures from muggles. It's because of her protection that we have half the creatures we do today."

"Sound familiar?" he mused, popping a grape in his mouth.

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"Just because I don't view marriage like the rest of the world, doesn't mean I'm a she-wolf."

"I meant the fierce independence and protective nature." He said with a smile.

"Of course you did." Calandra said. "What about Morgana?"

"Ahh, yes." He crooned. "This was one of my favorite stories as a child."

"Morgana was a powerful witch. Lots of people claim she was a dark witch; it even says so on her card. But if she was, she didn't start out that way. The story starts out a long time ago, in one of the most magical places on Earth; Avalon."

"Nine sisters tended the land, Morgana being the ruler of them all. She was enchanting, the most beautiful of the sisters, and an extremely gifted witch. She was a shapeshifter, a healer, and a mind weaver. Some people say she was one of the first Animagus and Legillimens. Story goes that she and Merlin were taught by Salazar Slytherin himself. In any case, she was truly a force to be reckoned with."

"One day, Avalon was attacked by a vicious group. The story doesn't tell if they were magical or muggle, but they tried to destroy the whole realm. Morgana was livid. She transformed into a wolf and went on a rampage through the invaders, killing them all. When she turned back into a human, she went through Avalon herself, tending to all the wounded. The story says that some were so close to the brink of death that she summoned all her magic and breathed life back into them, that's how gifted of a healer she was."

"Morgana vowed to never let her people be harmed like that again. She and her sisters acted as sentries from that moment forward. They lay in wait at the edges of the island and defended Avalon from those that would harm it."

"How?" Calandra breathed.

Sirius smiled.

"Morgana read the minds of the sailors who approached. If their intentions were pure, they passed unharmed. If not, she and her sisters would call to them, offering their hearts desires, singing beautiful songs to them. Morgana wove silver threads through their thoughts to show them the way. Then, when they got close enough, Morgana transformed into a wolf and destroyed them. She protected Avalon."

"They were…." She trailed off, her hand at her mouth.

"Sirens." Sirius nodded, munching on another grape. "Some of the firsts, the Morgans. Or so the stories go."

He ran a hand through her hair and cupped her cheek.

"I'd wager that's one of the reasons they called her a dark witch. But she wasn't, not really. Neither are you. Your Patronus doesn't make you a monster. It shows you your true heart, the lengths you'd go to in order to protect the people you love."

"Further than that," he went on. "You're the grey wolf."

His thumb traced a soft pattern at the corner of her lip.

"Grey wolves used to be companions to ancient witches and wizards. They were the protectors of magic. Their direct descendants are dogs."

"You're not a monster at all." He said with a smirk. "You're pretty much a puppy."

She laughed and smacked his hand away.

"Says the man who literally turns into a shaggy overgrown Labrador."

Sirius shrugged good, then tossed a grape up in the air and caught it in his mouth.

* * *

March 30, 1979

Sirius darted into the bedroom and threw a cloak to Calandra. She jumped as the fabric hit her. He jerked a drawer open in their bureau and grabbed two boxes.

"We have to go, they're sicker than they've been letting on." He said shortly.

Calandra threw on the cloak and shoved her feet into her house slippers. She grabbed the satchel that always sat beside their bed and scooped up the keys to Sirius's motorcycle from the nightstand. He grabbed her hand and went straight to the fireplace. She flung in a handful of floo powder, and followed him in.

Calandra watched his face as they stepped out of the fireplace into the parlor of the Potter's. He was tense, his jaw set in a firm line. A vein jumped in his forehead and his eyes were steely. She followed him down the hall and saw Lily outside a bedroom. One look at her and Calandra knew it wasn't good.

Sirius didn't say a word. He gripped Calandra's hand tightly and strode into the room. Fleamont and Euphemia were propped up in the large bed by the window. A low fire danced in the fireplace and the nightstand held a number of bottles and vials of different colored potions. James sat on a stool by his father's side.

Sirius dropped Calandra's hand and the boxes he held and went straight to the bed. He knelt down on the floor by the bedside. Calandra watched him softly take Euphemia's hand in his and stroke it. The older witch smiled and turned her head to him.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Euphemia said, reaching up to caress Sirius's hair.

Calandra watched Sirius lean into Euphemia's hand. Neither of them said anything more. The room remained silent until Euphemia's breathing evened and she settled to sleep. Sirius slipped her hand back under the blanket and went to stand beside James. Fleamont held a shaking hand out and Sirius took it in his, his other hand resting on James's shoulder. James gripped his father's arm.

"So very proud of you." Fleamont said closing his eyes. "Both of you."

Calandra backed her way to the wall, feeling for the door. This was a moment for them, as a family. Children with their parents. Her hand found the door handle as James stood from the stool. She saw him drop his head to Sirius's chest as his shoulders shook. Sirius wrapped his arms around him as Calandra slipped out of the room.

She stood in the hall, her back to the door. Lily had sunk down to the floor and was resting her head against the wall. She opened her eyes and offered a watery smile to Calandra.

"I cast as many protection spells and charms as I could before you went in." she said. "I don't know if they'll work."

"Thanks." Calandra said. "How long has James been here?"

"He got here this morning. Brought in two healers before I even knew where he was. He's been a mess. He tried contacting Sirius, I promise."

Calandra nodded.

"Why didn't they let anyone know how bad it was?" she asked.

"I don't think they knew. At first it was just a bit of a cold. They took potions but then three days later, well, you saw the shape they're in."

Calandra didn't respond. She didn't have anything to say. Dragon Pox was almost always fatal to the elderly. The Potter's were no spring chickens, she knew where this would end.

"I'm going to make some dinner." She said, suddenly. "Call for me the minute they come out, ok?"

Lily nodded.

Calandra walked down the hall toward the kitchen, lost in thought. She lit the fire in the oven and set to chopping potatoes by hand. The sound of the knife thumping against the wooden cutting board grounded her. She set peas and carrots in pots on the range and slid a roast in the oven. The preparations seemed to take no time and she was left wishing there was something else to occupy her racing mind and twitching hands.

She turned to Euphemia's recipe box and opened the lid. She flipped through a few of the cards. Long loopy handwriting filled the small spaces, little notes written at the top corners.

_Mother's recipe. Fleamont's specialty. Easy enough for James. Sirius's favorite._

Calandra stopped at that one. Roast Chicken. She put the card back and kept flipping through the stack until she got to the desserts. Euphemia had a recipe for everything, and they were all delicious. Calandra thought about picking one out at random when a note at the top of one of them stopped her.

_For my boys._

Calandra felt tears behind her eyes as she set the card on the counter and closed the box. She acciod the ingredients from the list and went back to work. She'd just removed the roast from the oven and slid the pan with the treacle tart in when she heard footsteps approaching. She turned and quickly walked toward the hallway.

Sirius met her at the doorway to the kitchen. He looked around the room and ran a hand through his hair. Calandra took his hand and sat him at the table. He wrapped his arm around her waist and leant his head toward her. She just stood there, stroking her fingers softly through his hair, letting him just exist in his emotions.

* * *

March 30, 1979

Fleamont died in his sleep late that evening, his hand in his wife's. Calandra knew as soon as James walked out of the room that something had happened. She was just walking by with an armful of blankets when he closed the door behind him. He looked around the hall, his eyes not focusing on anything. Calandra set her laundry down and put an arm around his waist, running her hand up and down his arm. She gently led him down the hall to the room Lily was in and handed him off to his wife. She softly closed the door and went back to the other bedroom.

She knocked quietly and peeked in the room. Sirius was sitting on the stool beside Fleamont. He got up and waved his wand over the bed. It magically widened. He reached over and removed Euphemia's hand from her husbands. Another wave of his wand and the mattress split down the middle to form two separate beds. She stepped back through the door and widened the doorway so the bed would fit through. Sirius levitated it out into the hall and into the next room. He walked back out and let out a breath.

"I'll make sure everything is taken care of if you like." Calandra said softly.

Sirius entwined his fingers with hers and gave her hand a squeeze.

"There's a stasis charm in there. We'll wait for James." He said and brushed a kiss to her temple.

Calandra changed into pajamas and walked through the halls and different rooms tidying everything, putting items where they belonged. She stayed up through the night washing bed linens and making sure there was hot food on trays in the bedroom, not that any of it was ever touched.

* * *

March 31, 1979

Euphemia slept through the night and the better part of the next day. James and Sirius would help her sip tea when she would wake up, then sit with her as she'd slip back to sleep. Lily wrote to the local wizarding mortuary and contacted Gringott's to inform them of Fleamont's passing. Calandra made lunch and helped Lily with supper that evening, but all the two men would eat were slices of the treacle tart with their tea.

Sirius went with James into his father's study as Calandra cleared the dishes out of the bedroom. She smoothed Euphemia's hair back from her forehead. A grandfather clock chimed somewhere in the hallway. Lily slipped in the room and together the two witches made sure Euphemia was clean and comfortable.

They left the room when James came back and Calandra headed to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Lily joined her there, and the two worked in silence handwashing all the plates and bowls and teacups. Lily broke the silence, telling Calandra of the first time she ever met the Potters.

"I was terrified." She said. "I didn't know what they'd think of their only son marrying a muggle born."

Calandra shook her head as she wiped the plate she held.

"They don't care about that. The family's married muggles before." She said.

"Yeah, I know that now. What was it like for you? The first time you met them?"

Calandra thought back to the day she'd stormed through the floo looking for Sirius.

"I loved them the first second I ever met them. They're wonderful." She finally said.

She'd never be able to put into words how thankful she was for those two people. Never be able to express her gratitude for what they'd given Sirius.

James walked into the kitchen then, and Calandra excused herself, giving them some space. She went back down the hallway, slowly, stopping to look at pictures hung on the wall along the way. A portrait of Euphemia and Fleamont when they were younger, probably just married. Black and white photographs of the couple smiling at each other.

Further down the hall hung pictures of a smiling baby, tufts of dark hair sticking up all over its head. James as a toddler, standing on wobbling legs as two hands held him steady. Pictures of his childhood lined the walls. Calandra passed by one of them and did a double take. She stepped back and studied the photos. Scattered throughout the images of James were pictures of a different dark-haired child. This one had wary eyes and a timid smile.

How had Euphemia gotten them?

Calandra watched them intently. A skinny little boy stood in front of a silk tapestry and looked off to the side before turning to face the camera and smile. In another he shook his hair back and mounted a broom. She traced her fingers over them. They were few and far between at first, but the farther down the hallway she went, the more photos he appeared in. As she went, his smile grew easier and his eyes shone less troubled.

She stopped at a picture of the two of them; Sirius and James. Both were on brooms, whoever took the photograph had probably been on one, too. James threw his head back in laughter and Sirius gave him a good-natured shove. James laughed and slung his arm around Sirius. Sirius smiled and clapped an arm around James's back before they looked up to the camera, bright smiles painted on their faces.

The next picture showed Fleamont with an arm flung around both James and Sirius's shoulders. Euphemia stood on the other side of Sirius, her arms around his middle. All four of them looked as happy as could be. A family.

Calandra looked away from the pictures and kept moving down the hallway. She went into the bedroom and pulled a chair over to where Sirius sat beside Euphemia. Silently, she reached for his hand and rubbed her thumb over his knuckles when his fingers gripped hers. They sat there in silence, comforted by each other's presence, not needing to speak.

Sirius reached for a teacup but set it back down on the end table when he realized there was nothing in it. Calandra got up and dropped a kiss to the top of his head, moving to reheat the tea in the pot and pour him a cup. The bed shifted and both of them looked to the witch laying there. Euphemia had opened her eyes and was looking at Sirius. She wrang her hands together before reaching out a thin hand to Sirius. He knelt beside her, taking it.

Euphemia cleared her throat and spoke softly.

"I love you, Sirius."

Calandra watched Sirius swallow repeatedly.

"You're the best son a mother could ever ask for." Euphemia went on.

Tears shone in Sirius's eyes. His mouth set itself into a small watery smile.

"I love you, too, Mum." He said softly.

"I know you're older than James, but you came into our lives after he did, so I've always thought of you as the baby. You'll always be my baby boy."

Sirius nodded, tears spiling down his cheeks. He reached down and brought up one of the boxes he had grabbed from the bureau at home. He opened the lid and tilted it up so Euphemia could see the contents. She smiled.

"I kept all yours, too."

She reached over with her other hand and slipped it into where their hands joined. Sirius's eyes searched the old witch's.

"I love you, you handsome thing. My Sirius." Euphemia said.

The door opened and James slipped in. Euphemia looked to him and he rushed to her side, kneeling down beside Sirius, taking one of his mother's hands.

"There, now." Euphemia said contently. "I've got both my boys with me."

Calandra quickly wiped her eyes and slipped out.

* * *

April 2, 1979

The funeral was a small affair; the vicar, James, Sirius, Calandra, Lily, and a couple other relatives. The healers at St. Mungo's warned them that they were all at risk of dragon pox, so the interment to the family cemetery was brief.

They all sequestered back at the Potter's house. Cleaning the rooms and quarantining themselves. Sirius and James went through the rooms, boxing up mementos and reliving happy times they spent together, there. Sometimes Calandra and Lily joined in, but more often than not they just let the two of them do it alone; with each other.

After a month with no signs or symptoms, the healers at St. Mungo's gave them a clean bill of health and released them to go back home. Sirius turned to James as they were getting ready to step into the fireplace and grasped his shoulder.

"Floo's always open Prongs." He said. "If you ever need anything."

James slung an arm around Sirius's middle and tousled his hair with his other hand.

"Mine, too Pads. Mine, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always thought a lot about the relationship between Euphemia and Fleamont Potter and Sirius. Them welcoming him into their home and sort-of adopting him. This chapter pays homage to that relationship.


	35. Chapter 35

April 6, 1979

Peter stopped by the flat with a couple rolls of parchment and a bottle of Odgen's. While stuck in the Potter's house awaiting a clean bill of health, the Order had gotten wind of some dark activity in London. Peter was briefing Sirius on it while Remus filled in James. It wasn't so important that they all needed to be together to go over a plan, but they all needed to be aware of it.

Calandra unpacked one of the boxes they'd brought back from the Potters'. She hefted the box labeled S. Room up on the bed and opened the flaps. Calandra piled the stacks of parchment on the bureau for Sirius to go through and placed two fancy quills in quill stands on the desk. She pulled a gold watch out of the box and ran her thumb over the face of it. She flipped it over and a glowing inscription was carved into the back.

_Fleamont Potter_

Calandra laid it carefully on the chest. Sirius and James got matching watches for their seventeenth birthdays. They'd shown them off proudly at school. James had mentioned that his Father gave him his Grandfather Henry's watch as well, but he preferred the one he and Sirius picked out. She didn't know Fleamont had given Sirius his own watch.

Calandra looked toward the photo that stood proudly on their dressing table. She and Sirius and Euphemia and Fleamont; all smiling wide smiles with their arms wrapped around one another. Calandra waited, knowing that the picture wasn't complete. Sirius threw a hand up in the photo and a second later James ducked into the picture, making a funny face and setting his parents to laughing. He pulled Lily into the shot in the nick of time. Then the scene started over.

There were other photos from the wedding taken from more flattering angles and with better lighting. But Sirius loved this one. She'd asked him why he wouldn't rather have one of the other ones framed and displayed and he'd just smiled and said that that particular photo was perfect.

Calandra wiped a tear from her eye as she watched the photograph play its scene over and over. This was his family.

* * *

May 13, 1979

"You seem so tired." Calandra rubbed a hand across Sirius's back. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

He smiled and shook his head. "Not much, but I'm fine."

"Was Peter ok?" Calandra asked.

"Yeah, I gave him the potion on the hour, every hour and his head stopped smoking around two this morning." He nodded absentmindedly.

"So, it's him I get to thank for my little wake-up call in the wee hours of the morning?" she laughed and threaded her fingers through his.

Sirius didn't laugh, just offered her a small smile.

Was Peter really ok? What was wrong?

"Hey," she said, snapping a finger in front of his face. "You ok? What's going on?"

"I wanted to talk to you." he said.

"Ok. What about?" she linked an arm through his.

He didn't say anything, he just gazed out over the pond. She waited a minute or so and turned to face him.

"Sirius? Are you alright?" she asked worriedly.

He let out a harsh breath and turned to her.

"I can't do this anymore."

"Do what? The Order?" she asked.

"I can't do this." He gestured between them, looking somewhere over her eyes. "Us. We can't do this anymore."

"What? What are you talking about?" Calandra let out a nervous laugh. She was missing something.

"I can't be with you anymore." He said still not looking her in the eye.

"You're…you…" she started. "Why?"

Sirius scratched the back of his neck.

"Listen, Cal. I really like you. We've had fun, and I've enjoyed every minute, but we should quit now."

"That's all you think of us." Anger rose in her chest. "A bit of fun. After everything, I'm nothing but a bit of fun to you?"

"I didn't mean it like that." he said running a hand through his hair.

"So, it's just me. You don't want to be with me?" she demanded.

"No. I don't." he said, turning back to the pond.

"I don't believe you." she said crossing her arms.

"Well, you should." he bit back.

"You expect me to believe that you don't want to be with me after all we've been through?" she demanded. "No, I don't buy it. I don't know what's going on with you, you've never lied to me before."

"I'm not lying to you now." He said in a soft voice.

She was silent.

"I don't want to be with you." he repeated. "This is over between us."

"No." she said, furious. "No, you can't just do that without explaining. What did I do?"

"Nothing." He said shaking his head, staring at the water.

"Then why? Did you meet someone else?" her heart froze at the thought.

He laughed and scrunched up his nose.

"No. There's no one else." He said.

"Is it because I don't want children?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Then why? Just tell me." She said furiously, rounding on him.

He took a deep breath and turned to her. He still didn't look her in the eye.

"I realized that what we have will never work." He said softly.

"Yes, it can. Of course it can." She said desperately. "I'm not letting you do this. Let's go home and talk about this. We can fix whatever it is."

He shook his head. "You can't. I've changed the wards. It's over between us."

"You changed the…." She was gobsmacked. He really meant it.

"Look at me!" she demanded. "Look me in the eyes."

He tore his gaze from the ground and looked her square in the eyes.

"Tell me you don't love me." She said, heart racing. "Tell me you don't love me, and I'll walk away and never bother you ever again."

Pain. Longing. Hope. Agony. They all flashed in his eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes.

"Tell me." She repeated.

He just shook his head and spoke in a detached voice.

"James will make sure you get home safely. Goodbye."

He turned and walked to the apparition point and vanished.

She stood frozen for a heartbeat then ran after him. She apparated to the stoop outside the flat and ran up the stairs. She shoved a key in the front door and tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. She waved her wand and tried the spells and passwords that should work. They didn't.

Rage filled her chest. She pounded her fists on the door. He couldn't do this. She wouldn't let him.

"Sirius! SIRIUS!" she yelled. "Let me in!"

Tears ran down her cheeks as desolation filled her veins. A hand wrapped around her upper arm and she felt herself being gently pulled away from the door.

"Come on, Cals." James said softly. "I've got your things. We'll go to Fawcett."

She jerked her arm away from him and glared at him.

"Go talk to him." She said furiously. "He'll listen to you. Go talk to him, I know you can get in."

James just looked somewhere near her feet and didn't say a word.

"Go on!" she demanded. He just shook his head and she shoved past him, knocking into his shoulder.

"Fuck you." she spat. "Fuck the both of you."

She ran down the stairs, ignoring James calling her name, and disappeared as soon as she got to the stoop.

* * *

May 13, 1979

Calandra appeared at Remus's house a raging mess. She composed herself and knocked on the door. Remus opened the door and stared at her in surprise. He wore striped pajama bottoms and a robe that looked hastily thrown on, the sash not even tied properly.

"Come in." he stepped to the side and Calandra rushed through the door.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked closing the door and moving to where Calandra stood.

"No." she said in a huff. "I'm not. Not at all."

Remus didn't say anything. Calandra looked at him. His hair was messy, and his eyes were bloodshot. A long scar roped its way down his chest and disappeared under his robe. He looked exhausted, more so than usual. Her heart softened toward him until he opened his mouth.

"Did he dye your hair again? Catch him checking out another bird? What's got you all riled up?"

Her anger boiled up inside her again.

"You!" she pointed a finger at him. "I trusted you."

"Me?" he said in surprise. "What did I do?"

"You told me it would be ok. I asked you, years ago. I asked you. After he told me, I went straight to you. I asked you if he was telling the truth. Or if it was another joke."

"What?" Remus looked poleaxed.

"You told me it was real. You promised you'd never seen him that way. Promised that he wasn't just using me. That he wasn't going to hold any of it against me or try to hurt me like that."

"You lied!" she cried.

"No I didn't." Remus said.

"You did!" Calandra said. "You did, because he did!"

"What?" Remus repeated.

"I'm nothing but 'a bit of fun' to him."

"No, that's not…" Remus started. "He…he told you that?"

Calandra nodded.

Remus ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck.

"Listen, Calandra. You should really talk to him about this. I don't think-"

"Well, I can't very well do that when he's warded the flat against me now can I? So, since I can't go yell at him, you'll have to do." She sneered.

"Death by association doesn't seem like your style." Remus quipped moving to sit on the sofa in the room.

"Hell hath no fury and all that rot." She retorted stomping to stand in front of him.

Remus looked up at her pensively.

"Did he really say that?" he asked quietly.

His question took the wind out of her sails. She slumped down onto the couch and stared at the floor. Her hands lay in her lap and she stared down at them, not really seeing them. A large lump stuck in her throat and her eyes felt hot with tears.

"Why?" she looked up at Remus. "I thought he…I thought I….I don't-"

Calandra buried her face in her hands and cried the tears she'd been holding back. Her hair fell in a curtain around her face and her shoulders shook. Remus shifted on the couch and laid a hand on her back.

"Why did it have to be him?" she said, raising her head. "Why didn't I just ignore him? Why? I should've never….always knew…."

She rubbed her nose.

"Why did I let myself love him? I knew this would happen." She said quietly.

"No, you didn't." Remus said.

"Yeah, I did. I told you. I'd end up with someone who doesn't love me, wishing I'd never spoken to him." She smiled ruefully.

"At least I'm not stuck in a box. At least I could run." She ran a finger along the sofa.

Remus cleared his throat.

"I'm going to go make you some tea." He said and got off the couch.

She watched him walk toward the kitchen and sighed. He came back with two mugs of tea and sat down beside her. She stirred her spoon around listlessly as they sat.

"I didn't lie, you know?" he said softly. "I truly thought he was gone for you."

Calandra shook her head and frowned. "I guess we didn't know him as well as we thought."

A sharp knock at the door startled Calandra. Remus set his mug down on the small table by the couch and crossed the room. As soon as he unlocked the door it burst open and James Potter stomped in the room. Calandra's eyes hardened at the intrusion.

"Moony!" James said brightly. "Thanks mate, where-"

He cut off as soon as he saw her sitting on the couch. She rose to her feet, fuming. The mug she was holding clattered to the floor, tea spilling everywhere.

"You told him?" she screamed. "Where do you get off, Remus? Where the hell do you get off, doing that?"

"Cal-" Remus tried to cut in.

"No!" Calandra yelled. "I came to you, because you're one of my best friends. You're the person I thought would understand. But as soon as you could, you went and told him?"

She flung a hand out towards James.

"Calli-" Remus repeated.

"No." Calandra laughed, shaking her head. "No. Goodbye boys. Give Sirius my best won't you."

With that she turned and disapparated on the spot, straight to Alice's house.


	36. Chapter 36

May 13, 1979

Alice let her cry. Calandra sat on her friend's bed and watched her own tears soak the duvet. Alice rubbed her back and summoned pints of ice cream and let Calandra vent. Then, when all her tears were spent, Alice levitated all of Calandra's things into the spare room down the hall and put fresh sheets on the bed.

Calandra unpacked her belongings. Alice put on music and they stacked books on the small bookcase, folded clothes, and sorted through odds and ends. In a box full of paint pots Alice pulled out a money bag and tossed it to Calandra. It landed heavily on her lap. She looked down at it. It was hers; had her initials on it and everything, but she hadn't used it in over a year. She pulled it open and stared down at the gold inside. The bag was almost full, there had to be almost a thousand galleons inside.

Calandra threw the bag in the corner and shook her head. She stomped over to the boxes of paint and shoved them under her bed. Alice looked over from where she stood. She put down the pillow she held and stopped the music with a wave of her wand. She turned down the blankets on the bed and closed the curtains. Calandra climbed into bed and curled into a ball. Alice slipped out of the room and softly shut the door.

Calandra didn't think she had any tears left, but she was wrong. She wanted to go throw the gold back in his face. Wanted to march over and drop the bag on his feet or fling the coins one by one at his head. But most of all she wanted the bag to be empty. She wished he'd have just thrown it in the box with all her other things instead of filling it with his gold.

A few hours later the door to her room slowly opened and Alice crept back in. She slipped in the bed beside of Calandra and cried with her.

"I'm sorry." Alice whispered.

Calandra nodded and sniffed.

"Do you want me to go talk to him?" Alice asked.

Calandra shook her head.

"I never thought he'd do this." Alice said. "He's always been so crazy about you."

"Not anymore." Calandra said.

Alice held Calandra's shoulders and looked her in the eye.

"Look at me." She said. "You are absolutely amazing. He can search the whole world over, but he won't find anyone to compare to you. You hear me?"

Calandra nodded and closed her eyes. She heard her; she just didn't believe her.

* * *

May 27, 1979

Calandra's days were all one big blur. She woke up, made breakfast for Alice and herself and tried to make conversation as Alice ate her breakfast. Calandra pushed her food around on her plate until Alice left for work and then she left for the beach. To go stare at the water then order more books and work on paintings for the ministry.

The monotony was endless. Every day was just an extension of the one before. It was pathetic. She was pathetic. One goodbye from a good-looking bloke and she dissolved into a tearful mess? Merlin's beard, what on earth had she come to?

She'd taken to browsing bookstores a few days a week, looking for books about magic bloodlines and Sirens. She alternated between muggle bookstores and Flourish and Blotts. Afterwards she'd drop in at a muggle pub for a quick drink. She didn't bother going to the Leaky Cauldron and she stayed away from Rosemerta's. She didn't want to chance bumping into Sirius or James or Remus or even Peter.

She signaled the bartender and ordered another drink. Last one. She only ever let herself order two. If she didn't it would be all too easy to try to drown herself in them.

She tilted the glass back and welcomed the burning in her throat. It cut through the numbness quite nicely.

* * *

June 4, 1979

Calandra had just laid her items on the counter at the bookstore when she heard a scream. She whirled around and saw two figures with dark hoods pass by the window of the shop. She darted behind a bookshelf and listened. The bell over the door tinkled and she heard footsteps slowly approach the counter. Please let them be thieves, she thought. Just thieves. Muggle thieves.

"'Ere now." She heard the shopkeeper's voice call out. "What's all this? You blokes take your devilment somewhere else."

Cruel laughs rang out and Calandra saw flashes of green and red lights illuminate the ceiling. Damn it. The shop keeper cried out in pain. A whimper caused Calandra to look down. A small girl crouched behind a wingback chair. She was crying. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Her whole body shook.

Calandra put her finger up to her lips in a warning to the girl and took a step to her right, closer to the child. She crouched down and held out her arms and the girl stood, reaching out to her. A book thumped to the ground, falling from her lap, and the shopkeeper's cries abruptly ended.

Calandra scooped the girl up and whispered, "Stay quiet" in her ear as she cast a disillusionment charm on the two of them. She slowly backed her way to the wall, keeping one arm firmly around the girl.

"See if you can find something to entertain us in the back." A voice said.

Footsteps echoed off the wood flooring, getting closer and closer. They stopped one row over from them and Calandra heard a chuckle.

"What's this?" a gravelly voice rang out.

A man answered him.

"Please." His voice shook. "You can have all my money. Here's my wallet. Just don't hurt them."

"Them?" the gravelly voice purred.

"My family. Please. Here are the keys to my car. You can have it."

Calandra heard the metallic sound of keys sliding across the floor. The little girl in her arms cried harder, trembling and shaking.

"What would I want with that?" the gravelly voice sneered. "I'd rather have what you're hiding behind you."

"No!" the man's voice rang out. "You can have me. You can have all my money. Just leave her alone."

The man with the gravelly voice laughed. He shouted something and Calandra saw a flash of light at the same time a tall, dark woman rounded the corner, looking very much like she'd just been shoved that way. The little girl wrenched out of Calandra's grip and ran to the lady.

"Mummy!" her voice rang out.

The woman wheeled around, looking for the little girl. Calandra bit back a cry as a cloaked figure stepped into view behind the woman. Calandra rushed forward as the cloaked figure lifted his wand. The woman suddenly fell backwards, and Calandra knew the little girl had finally reached her mother. She shot a spell at the Death Eater and quickly disillusioned the woman on the floor as the cloaked figure fell behind her.

She ran up to them and leant down.

"Please, stay there. Don't say a word. I'll keep you safe." She whispered, pushing them back into the corner.

Another cloaked figure rounded the opposite end of the bookshelf, wand in hand.

"Avada Kadavra."

Calandra ducked as the flash of light whizzed down the aisle. The window next to them shattered and the bookshelf toppled backwards. Streaks of light shot from the Death Eater's wand and Calandra flattened herself against the wall, casting shield charms on the two figures huddled in the corner.

The Death Eater stopped about halfway down the aisle and started levitating the fallen bookshelves out of the way. Calandra turned around and grabbed onto the bodies in the corner. She tugged them toward the window and urged them out.

"Go!" she said as quietly as possible. "Go! Run!"

She hefted the woman up and watched the splinters of the window frame drag across the sill as the woman climbed out of the window. She turned back to the Death Eater just in time to get hit with an acid hex.

She screamed out as the hex hit her left leg and dove into the next aisle. Books flew off the shelf beside her as she ran towards the checkout counter. She looked around wildly for the shopkeeper and turned away quickly when she saw him. His body was ripped to shreds. Sliced into many pieces. She could feel her charm slipping and turned on her heel, hoping and praying they hadn't put up anti apparition wards.

She breathed a sigh of relief when she found herself on the doorstep at St. Mungo's. Calandra stumbled up the steps and leant against the front desk, her left leg burned and shook. The reception witch, who usually looked perpetually bored, started when she saw her.

"Acid Hex." Calandra bit out through clenched teeth. "I can't walk anymore."

The witch nodded and tapped her wand to Calandra. She felt herself being floated onto a stretcher and heard healers talking about removing bones and skelegrow.

"Who shall we contact for you, miss?" she heard someone say.

"Alice." She said, through the pain. "Alice Fawcett."

* * *

June 7, 1979

She'd given statements to four different Aurors, not counting Alice. Apparently, her experience was just one of a long line of cases of Death Eaters tormenting muggles for sport.

The woman and the little girl had gotten away. The woman required healing for a couple injuries from stray hexes, but they were safe. The ministry had not obliviated them yet, because the woman was still recuperating, but they would be released later in the week. The woman's husband was dead, they'd recovered the body and fed a story of an aneurysm to the morgue. Protective charms were being put on their house.

After she was released from the final interview, an Auror named O'Riley cleared his throat and handed Calandra small, orange sheet of paper that was folded lengthwise. She opened it to find a shaky crayon drawing of a tiny stick figure with a purple triangle dress holding hands with a tall stick figure with long, curly hair. The tall stick figure had wings and held a stick with a star at the end of it. Tiny rectangle books were drawn all over the page.

Calandra felt tears pool in her eyes as she read the neat, flowing script at the bottom of the page; the same words written in black ink over and over again.

_Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You._

She nodded her thanks to O'Riley and took the floo with Alice back home. Calandra went straight to her room and curled up on her bed. She stared at the drawing until she fell into a restless sleep. That night she dreamed about a small girl in a purple dress clinging to her as people screamed and green lights flashed all around them. When the girl looked up at her Calandra saw she had grey eyes. Beautiful grey eyes.

* * *

July 20, 1979

Calandra and Alice sat together in the dirt outside Augusta Longbottom's country home. Frank had commandeered his mother into giving up a patch of her back garden so Alice could grow different plants. She was testing how well two different plants could cross breed to see if their flowers could be used for better concealment than charms for all the Aurors.

Alice came home bone tired most nights. Calandra was worried about her, more so now than before, ever since they'd waived the extended training period. The ministry must be extremely on edge about all the Death Eater activity if the Auror program had been cut short. Alice had already been in the field, on assignments with more experienced Aurors, but still in the field. Last time they'd only sent her out with one partner.

Calandra pulled the weeds carefully from around the Caveatis Flower, lest it get spooked and turn invisible. Alice had already finished her whole row and was working her way back down to Calandra. Calandra tossed the weeds onto the pile on the grass and sprinkled some fresh dirt around the base of the little plant.

Alice looked over to her and smiled. Calandra couldn't help but smile back. Alice had a streak of dirt across her cheek and a daisy petal stuck to her forehead. Much to Mrs. Longbottom's chagrin the both of them were wearing muggle blue jeans and tatty jumpers. Frank's mother didn't care that the clothes were muggle, just that they were dressed so casually. Calandra had yet to see the old lady in anything other than full robes, complete with some intricate hat perched atop her head.

"What are you staring at, over there?" Alice said, as she plucked weeds from the tiny plants.

"I can't tell." Calandra said. "Maybe a mandrake, but I'm not sure. Possibly some new ghastly little flower that can make peoples ears bleed when it sings in the shower."

Alice threw a handful of weeds at Calandra with a laugh.

"No fair." She laughed. "We can't all have magical voices."

Calandra rolled her eyes.

"Ahh, yes." She said. "Such important talents to have at a time like this; singing and wielding a paintbrush."

"That's not all you can do, and you know it." It was Alice's turn to roll her eyes.

"Seriously, Alice. I may as well be in primary school." Calandra said, moving to the terra cotta pots that sat on the small table in the garden.

"You can always join the Auror program, you know." Alice said. "They're recruiting."

Calandra shook her head as she tore off the dead leaves of one of the flowers.

"They'd find out." She said. "There's no way I could hide it from them. Besides, I'm not cut out for that."

"What makes you say that?" Alice asked as she repotted a plant.

"I'd rather not kill people if I can help it." Calandra said.

Alice looked sadly down at the pot in front of her. She nodded and topped it off with dirt.

"Yeah." She said softly. "I always wonder when it's going to come down to it for me."

* * *

July 23, 1979

The barkeep pushed a shot glass of vodka toward Calandra. She looked up at him, puzzled. She had not ordered another drink. The barkeep nodded towards the other end of the bar.

"From the young bloke sitting over there." He said.

Calandra looked back to the young man that sat at the end of the bar. He was handsome. He had dark red hair and flashing blue eyes. He gave her a smile. She looked back at the drink in front of her.

She looked back to the young man and lifted her hand. At the wave of her fingers, the man bit his lip and gave her an apologetic smile. It was a little too wide, but still seemed sincere. He nodded toward the drink in front of her then held his hands up.

Calandra studied him as she reached for the shot glass. As she upended it and swallowed the burning liquid something familiar flashed in the man's eyes. Calandra gave him a nod and pulled a note from her pocket and slid it across the counter.

The barkeep gave her a salute as she hopped off the barstool and left the pub. The ring on her hand glinted in the sunlight. She twisted it around on her finger. She should stop wearing it. Should probably send it back. But that family ring did come in handy sometimes.

* * *

July 25, 1979

Calandra sat straight up in her bed, heart pounding wildly. Alice was screaming. Calandra threw her covers off and jumped out of her bed, running for the door. She wrenched it open and stumbled into the hall to the other bedroom, her sock feet sliding on the hardwood floor.

She barreled into Alice's room and flung her hand out when she realized she forgot her wand. No one was there. Alice lay on the bed writhing, her head thrashing back and forth as she screamed and whimpered. Calandra knelt on the bed beside her and summoned her wand.

"Alice. Alice." She said, holding her friend's wrists. "You're ok. You're ok. It's me. It's Callie."

"No! Please!" Alice cried, her eyes clenched shut.

"You're safe, Alice! I've got you! You're safe. It's ok."

Alice's eyes flew open and she gasped for breath.

"It's ok. You're ok. I'm here. It's ok." Calandra repeated. "It's just a dream."

Alice looked around desperately before she crumpled against Calandra.

"I'm sorry." She said between gasps. "I'm sorry."

"Shh." Calandra stroked her hair. "It's ok. You're alright. Nothing to worry about."

She rocked back and forth, soothing Alice, and whispering comforting words to her. She felt tears fall on her arms and squeezed Alice tightly. Calandra hummed a soft lullaby as she rested herself against the headboard, one arm holding Alice and the other stroking her back. It wasn't until the sun shone through the curtain the next morning when she realized she'd fallen asleep like that.

* * *

August 2, 1979

The tattoo shop was almost empty. The woman behind the desk looked up at Calandra and put down the pen she held. She motioned her to come up to the counter and flipped a folder open.

"Anything here strike your fancy or do you already have something in mind, love?" the woman asked.

Calandra didn't even bother flipping through the pages. She pulled a few wrinkled notes out of her pocket and unfolded them.

"Dealer's choice." She said sliding the money to the woman. "You pick. Anything McGarret'll get me."

The woman peered at Calandra.

"You drunk?" she asked. "Cause, I don't want no one calling up tomorrow bellyaching about-"

Calandra shook her head.

"I've only had two pints. I'm not even halfway there."

"Well." The woman gestured toward the back of the room. "Come on, then."

Calandra sat down on the chair and watched the woman pull on a pair of gloves. The woman had lots of curly red hair, piled on top of her head. She was quite pretty. Roses and snakes and birds wound their way around her arms and Calandra thought that she saw flames peeking out from under the woman's collar.

"Where you want it?" the woman asked.

Calandra looked down at herself. She lifted her shirt and pointed to a spot on her ribs.

"That'll hurt." The woman warned.

"S'not my first one." Calandra said pointing out the others.

The woman nodded and pulled up a stool. She pulled a small pot of ink toward her and held the tattoo gun in her hand. She gave Calandra a piercing look and raised her eyebrows.

"You sure you don't have something in mind?" she asked once more.

"Surprise me." Calandra smiled.

The woman bent down and soon Calandra was lost in the buzz of the machine and the sting of the needle.


	37. Chapter 37

August 7, 1979

"I say," a voice came from behind her. "As much as you've been avoiding me, I never expected to see you in such a public place. Alone."

Calandra took a deep breath and slowly turned. She looked her father in the eye and set her jaw. She looked up from the back room of the small bookstore. There was no one there except the two of them. Damn. She shouldn't have come here alone, but she didn't really expect _him_ to show up at a muggle bookstore.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Is it too much of me to ask to see my only child?" he countered.

"It is when you've made it clear you don't care for me in any capacity other than the societal gain I could give you." Calandra raised her chin.

Johnathon White glared at her. She saw the fury simmering behind his eyes. His fists clenched and his mouth set into a thin line, before his face settled into cool indifference.

"I'll get right to my point." He said. "I've been extended an intriguing offer; quite lucrative if I can come through."

"Good for you." Calandra said. "I'd say I'm happy for you, but that would imply that I care."

Johnathon gave her a frosty smile.

"Oh, I'm sure you will." He said. "You play quite the role in it."

"Like hell I do." she spat. "You have no hold on me anymore."

Johnathon took a measured step up to her.

"We both know that's not true. How else could I find you here?"

Calandra swallowed.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Your cooperation." Johnathon quipped, tapping his wand against a bookshelf.

Calandra didn't speak.

"I know you've been off playing vigilante with that rag tag group of yours. Quite unbecoming of you, when you could've been at the right hand of one of the most powerful forces in the magical world."

Calandra scoffed. "Avery is hardly the most powerful force in the magical world. I'd go as far as saying he's borderline squib."

"Evan Avery is quite the wizard," her father contradicted. "But he isn't to whom I am referring."

Calandra's blood ran cold. No. Johnathon didn't choose sides. He sat on fences and paid off both parties. He wouldn't be caught up with You-Know-Who. He didn't like getting his hands dirty. Johnathon took a sip from a tumbler in his hand and glanced at Calandra, lazy and unhurried.

"The Dark Lord has expressed interest in expanding his ranks." Johnathon crossed his legs at the ankle. "He was extremely interested to hear of what you are."

She didn't move. She was frozen in place. She should run.

"He was most sympathetic to hear of how I, a pureblood wizard, was taken advantage of by a monster. He was quite impressed when I told him of her demise. It proved to him that I had the strength to overcome that sort of weakness. That magic truly is might."

Calandra's blood boiled. Her mother; a monster. What a lie. Her mother wasn't the monster, he was.

"The Dark Lord is being gracious enough to grant you a private audience."

Calandra mutely shook her head.

"He's very intrigued to see the depths of your magic."

"No!" she said, finally finding her voice.

"No!" she repeated. "I'll never. You'll have to kill me, because I'll never join them."

Johnathon placed a hand in his pocket and stared at his shoes for a moment. His fingers moved beneath the fabric and he looked up at her with an evil grin.

"That can be arranged." He practically purred.

She bolted for the door, but Johnathon jerked his wand through the air sealing the door shut. Calandra shot an arc of red light through the air and busted the window. She swung up on the ledge just as her father laughed and flipped something up into the air from the palm of his hand. His wand flicked forward and the small object flew through the air towards her.

Her mother's wedding ring landed on her collar bone but didn't fall to the ground. She reached a hand up and clawed at the ring, but it wouldn't budge. Her father moved closer to her.

"I took the liberty of placing a sticking charm on that little memento." He said. "I thought you'd like to keep it with you."

She clawed at the ring; shoved her wand up to it and cast loosening charms and releasing spells but they didn't work. She watched as it glowed faintly, and her eyes grew round. Her heart skipped a beat. Her father laughed and waved his wand toward her.

"Enjoy your trip." Johnathon said as a jolt of light sent an electric shock through her wand and up her arm. She felt a tug behind her navel.

Calandra whirled through the air, struggling to pull the ring off of her. She grasped her wand and tried to pry the ring off. The tugging behind her navel faded away and she found herself in the air, falling quickly.

She looked around her as she plummeted. Water, everywhere. He meant for her to drown. She tried to cast a floating charm on herself, but her wand wasn't working. She desperately looked around as the water rushed up toward her.

A lighthouse stood on a small outcrop of rocky island a few miles to her right. She knew exactly where she was. Her mother loved that lighthouse. She felt stinging pain as she plunged into the icy cold water, her nerves crying out at the freezing temperature. She kicked her legs and thrashed her arms about, trying to kick to the surface.

Her head broke through the waves and she took a deep breath. Almost immediately she was pulled back under the waves. She had to stay above the surface. Calandra kicked and kicked until her nose was above the water. She tried to cast a nonverbal floatation spell, but her wand felt dead and heavy in her hand.

Her teeth chattered and she choked. She should've learned to swim, should never have given him this power over her. She kicked and struggled but her arms were already growing weaker. The water was too cold. She'd never get out. She coughed and sputtered as she broke the surface again.

A large bird dipped down and dove into the water. The movement triggered another image in Calandra's mind, and she drew up all her strength and kicked as hard as she could. He raised her left hand out of the water and focused on her mother's smile.

"Expect-" her voice gurgled as she went under.

Calandra kicked and struggled to swim. A wave tossed her up and she broke the surface. She gulped in a breath and focused her mind. Happiest memory. Happiest memory. She shouldn't have thought of him, but she did. Sirius making Alice laugh flashed through her mind. She lifted her hand out of the waves.

"Expecto Patronum."

A silver wolf shot out of her palm and as she went under. No! She waved her arms and forced her legs to move. As soon as her mouth was above the crashing waves she choked.

"Lighthouse. Broom. James. Pleas-"

Then she was back under. She flung her arm to the side hoping that it would send the patronus away. Her limbs were getting heavier. The water was so cold. Her brain told her legs to kick, but they weren't cooperating. She flailed her arms about, trying to stay above the growing waves, but they sucked her under again and again.

Her nose burned and her throat ached from coughing up the freezing saltwater. She could feel her heartbeat in her head and tried to focus on moving her arms with every beat. She felt herself slipping under the waves again, her limbs too heavy to push her upwards now. She fought to lift her head, to try to keep her nose above the water, but it was no use. She was numb. She couldn't force herself to move. This was it. She'd never get out, never see Alice again.

Calandra sank below the water's surface. The waves crashed against her and spun her under the water. She opened her eyes once more, trying to see something, anything that would help her. But there was nothing there. She held her breath, but her lungs burned with the need for air. She felt her head go dizzy and opened her mouth, gulping for air. She choked as water filled her lungs. It hurt so much more than she thought it would. Her world started fading away. Blackness crept along the edges of her mind, as she drowned in gray water. The last thing she felt was a jerk to her arm.

* * *

August 7, 1979

"Come on, White." A voice spoke to her from somewhere far above.

A sharp ache in her chest set her mind ablaze with pain. She couldn't breathe. Her lungs were on fire and her head was numb.

"Come on." The voice rang through her head. It was familiar, the voice.

She tried to open her eyes, but her thoughts weren't connecting to her body. Was this a dream? Her chest ached and she felt another stab of pain. Her lungs burned. Something warm pressed against her frozen lips.

"Come on, Cals. You can't do this. It'll kill him." The voice was louder now.

Calandra felt like she was going to throw up. Something pressed down on her and water tore through her throat, stinging her nose. The burning in her lungs was replaced by a dull ache as they drew in fresh air. Something rolled her to her side, and she coughed up more water.

"Thank, Merlin." A voice washed over her.

She couldn't force her eyes open. Her arms were heavy, and she couldn't even feel her legs. Her head swam and she just wanted to go to sleep. The voice was talking to her, but the roaring in her head was too loud. She couldn't hear what the voice was saying. She felt something wrap around her arms and heard a popping sound. She felt herself being jostled, then laid back against a wall.

A wash of warmth ran over her, helping the ache in her throat but making her arms tingle in pain. The warmth faded away quickly and the voice said something else. Her arms tingled again as something warm settled over her, but the feeling soon left. Over and over she felt like someone was putting a blanket over her, then cruelly yanking it away.

Calandra felt herself being lifted and then set down on something hard. Soft drops of water fell on her, warm and soothing. Her head lolled to one side, landing on something very soft. Whatever it was, was pulled out from under her cheek and she rested her head against something smooth and cool. Rain poured down on her head. It felt hot against her cold skin. She just sat there and let the rain wash over her. She felt like she'd never truly get warm.

Pain cut through her mind when she felt something pulling and pushing on her legs. Something was kneading them, and it burned. She hissed in pain and fought to open her eyes. Her fingers tingled and burned. She begged it to stop, her mind pleading with the thing holding her to stop; please stop. The voice said something, but the pain didn't stop. The voice kept repeating the same words over and over as the pain grew and grew and grew until all she saw was white; blinding white. Calandra sat there and burned for what felt like an eternity.

Slowly; agonizingly slowly, the pain receded. She could finally form thoughts through the ache that settled over her whole body. Calandra focused on opening her eyes. On making her eyes listen to her brain. Her eyelids felt so heavy as she pushed them open. Everything was blurry and her eyes burned. She closed her eyes and took a breath. She could make out a figure in front of her when she opened them again, but it hurt to keep them that way. She clenched her eyes closed, trying to give them some relief. Open your eyes, her brain said. She blinked. The pain wasn't as bad. She blinked again and again. The figure in front of her cleared.

A man had one hand on her foot, rubbing in painful circles and the other hand clutched his wand as he pointed it to her knees and thighs, muttering something. Rain dripped down his face, weighing down his hair in a slick helmet against his skull.

James?

She almost didn't recognize him without his hair sticking up in every direction. Why was he hurting her? Why were they in the rain? Was he Imperiused? Calandra twitched, frightened, and James jerked his eyes up to her face. He wasn't wearing his glasses.

"You're ok!" he said dropping her foot and grabbing her shoulders. "You're going to be ok!"

Sharp jolts of pain ran up and down her legs. She lifted her arms and found that she could barely get her hands to her knees. Her head pounded, the pounding getting louder and louder with every second, like footsteps against her skull.

A door flung open somewhere with a loud bang and the sound of it felt like it split her skull open. Why did everything hurt? Where was she? She heard voices. James was talking to someone. Someone with a soft voice. A voice she knew. She opened her eyes to two new figures. A tall man and a shorter woman. The woman turned around and sat next to her. The woman was dry, but the rain was pouring over her head, soaking her hair. She had such a pretty face.

Calandra felt herself smiling as her eyes started to close again.

* * *

August 7, 1979

The sound of voices arguing woke her. Calandra opened her eyes and lifted her head. Her entire body felt like she'd been hit with a stinging hex. She was incredibly sore, and she felt something pull in her shoulder when she tried to sit up.

"No!" a voice came from behind the closed door. "Don't you dare. After what he did-"

"That isn't fair!" another voice protested.

Calandra slid off the bed and padded across the room. She pushed the door open and saw Alice standing toe to toe with James Potter. Frank was trying to push between them. All three looked up at Calandra, where she stood in the doorway.

"What are you doing up?" Alice demanded. "Get back in bed."

Calandra rolled her eyes and said, "I'm fine, mum."

Alice turned and came to Calandra. She grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"What were you thinking? Going there alone, with no protection. With them out there! After what happened!"

Calandra couldn't say anything. She wasn't thinking when she went out. She'd just been trying to get through the days. She'd just been trying to survive. Trying to survive her loneliness and survive run ins with Death Eaters. She looked up and saw James looking at her anxiously. He'd come.

She looked back at Alice and said quietly. "You can scold me as much as you like later. I'll sit through it all and agree with everything. But I need to talk to him right now."

"No." Alice shook her head resolutely. "Absolutely not. You've finally started eating meals again, I'm not letting you run off-"

"No. I meant James." Calandra interrupted.

Alice stopped and Calandra could see the wheels turning in her mind. At last she nodded and walked back to where the two men were standing. She leant close to James and whispered something, then strode out of the room with Frank following her. James wouldn't look Calandra in the eye.

She just stood there; her throat felt thick with the thanks she couldn't choke out. He'd come. He'd gone out to the freezing ocean on a broom with nothing but a vague cry for help and he'd gotten her out of that deathly water that the blasted portkey had sent her to. Even after everything.

She looked down, suddenly, to her chest; expecting to find the portkey still attached to her skin. On her collarbone was a neat bandage. She started to peel it up when his voice stopped her.

"Don't."

She looked up to find him staring at a point over her shoulder.

"Not yet. It needs to heal more." He said.

"You got it off?" she asked.

"Slicing charm. I couldn't pry it off or anything. The dittany needs a little longer to properly heal it."

She nodded.

"It was the only way." He went on. "I'm sorry. It started to glow as soon as I got you out. I didn't know where it would take you."

She nodded again.

He finally looked at her. Looked into her eyes and scanned her face. His eyes seemed dead before, but now were almost shining. He took an unsteady breath and shoved his hands down in his pockets. They both started talking at the same time.

"Thank you."

"I didn't think you were going to make it." His voice carried across hers. Words kept spilling from him, as if he couldn't stop them.

"You were limp on that broom, practically dead when I pulled you out of the water. Then when I finally got you breathing, I still didn't think you were going to make it. You were ice cold." His shoulders slumped with the admission. "The warming charms weren't working, and the shower didn't seem to be helping and I…I just…I didn't think you were going to make it."

"Thank you." She said. "For coming."

His shoulders jumped up with a breath of laughter. He shook his head.

"You really think I wouldn't have?" He asked.

"I knew you'd try. But after everything that's happened, you didn't have to. You didn't even know if I was still on your side. It could've been a trap." She pointed out.

James crossed his arms.

"You'd die before you'd join the Death Eaters." He said.

"Yeah, I think I just proved that." Calandra quipped.

James ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes.

"I'd never let you just die out there. You're practically my sister, Cals. You saved my bloody life in that alley."

She nodded.

James looked at her like he wanted to say something else, but never spoke.

"Thank you." she said again. "I'll never be able to thank you enough."

James nodded and gave her shoulder a squeeze.

"Next time we go flying, let's do it somewhere other than a freezing ocean, yeah? Maybe somewhere tropical."

Calandra rolled her eyes and laughed.

"I hear Australia's lovely this time of year."

James laughed and turned to leave.

"How did you know?" she asked. "How did you know which lighthouse?"

James turned back to her and gave her a long knowing look.

"I didn't know you knew." She whispered.

He paused with his hand on the knob.

"You know, Cals. If you ever need anything, I'm always here to help."

Calandra nodded, a bit confused at his sudden change of subject, and watched him turn the knob.

Alice came back in the room and marched through the other door to the bedroom. Calandra sighed and followed her friend, preparing for the lecture of the century. She rolled his words around in her mind as Alice told her off for her for being so irresponsible.

" _You can't do this. It'll kill him."_

" _If you need anything, I'm always here to help."_


	38. Chapter 38

August 11, 1979

She caught him getting ready to leave Alice's flat, not even a week later.

"I can't do this anymore." She said grabbing James by the arm. "Whatever stupid, noble excuse he keeps telling himself can go right up his arse."

James made to speak, but Calandra shook her head.

"I can't do this anymore, James. I know he's not ok. He's been volunteering for every single assignment. He's been throwing himself at the dangerous ones like they're just April Fool's pranks. Frank told me."

James's eyes took in her face. The shadows under her eyes and the sharpness of her cheekbones and jawline. She knew it was obvious she hadn't been sleeping or eating well. He sighed.

"I wasn't on board with it, you know." James took his glasses off and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I was against him leaving. I told him off about it. We had a huge row."

She watched James rub his eyes, wearily.

"Why did he do it?" she asked.

James shook his head. "Apparently, some Death Eaters approached him on behalf of his brother, extending an invitation to join the ranks. He said no, of course."

"Told them to get bent, more like." Calandra muttered.

"Yeah, he did." James smiled, then his face grew serious. "Then they mentioned you; threatened you. Told him they knew what his weakness was, and Voldemort wasn't afraid to bring him to his knees."

James sighed and rubbed his glasses on his shirt. "He didn't want anything to happen to you, and bloody idiot that he is, decided the best way to keep you safe was to cut ties with you. That way they couldn't use you against him."

Calandra erupted.

"Of all the stupid…noble...I will kill him for this!"

She reached her hand out.

"Give me the key." She said.

James rolled his eyes and put his glasses back on. "I'm not getting hexed for you, White."

"Hand it over, Potter, or you'll get worse than a hex." She demanded.

"Merlin, Cals!" James expounded. "It's not even the same flat!"

"So, tell me where it is and hand over that key." She snarked.

"You honestly think I'm going to go against his wishes?" He gave her a withering look, but she saw through it.

Calandra pulled her wand out of her hair and trained it on him.

"If he's already warded it against me, I promise I won't go." She said evenly. "If it isn't, hand over that key and give me an address."

James grinned at her and dug in his pocket. He took out a jelly slug and she saw a scrap of paper flutter to the floor.

"I'm not saying anything." He said popping the sweet in his mouth.

She picked up the paper and saw an address written on it.

"The key." She repeated.

He raised an eyebrow at her and glanced toward his left pocket.

She put a cushioning charm on him without saying a word, and then said "Petrificus Totalus" right before he said "Expelliarmus."

Her wand flew out of her hand, but not before the jet of light flew out of it. It hit him in the chest, and he fell. She walked over to him and dug the key out of his pocket, then retrieved her wand. She waved it over him, casting the counter to the spell, and helped him to his feet.

"He made you promise not to give me the key didn't he." She asked.

He smiled. "I might have made a certain vow along the lines of not _giving_ you the key or _telling_ you his address."

She rolled her eyes.

"As soon as you mentioned the wards, I knew you'd figure it out."

"Yeah, well, not all of us are currently acting like idiots. Some of us use our brains." She said.

"Seriously, though, Cals." James put a hand on her arm. "He could've made it a lot more difficult. I know he wants you to find him, even if he'll never admit it to himself. He almost went insane when he found out about last week."

She nodded and headed for the door.

"Thanks for saving my wand! I forgot to thank you for that last time I saw you." she called.

"Yeah, yeah. Anytime."

"You're welcome, by the way!" she sang. "I didn't have to use the cushioning charm."

"And I didn't have to drop hints for a week, White." James muttered as the door closed.

* * *

August 11, 1979

Sirius wasn't anywhere to be seen when she opened the door to the flat, but she heard a noise from a different room. Calandra walked in the room and let the door shut behind her.

"Prongs!" she heard him call out.

"I was wondering when you'd get back. I have a lead on those-" His voice grew louder as he exited the room he was in and walked into the living room, but he cut off when he looked up and saw it was her. His eyes widened and his shoulders stiffened.

He was wearing black. He looked pale and thin and tired. His hair was pulled back from his face and tied off at the nape of his neck. His cheeks looked so gaunt, like he hadn't been eating. There were shadows under his eyes and, by the looks of it, he hadn't shaved in a few days.

"I'm not letting you do this." She said, fury dripping through every word.

"You can be brave, and you can be noble, and you can act like a stupid prat if you want." She walked toward him. "But if you love me, you're not doing any of it without me."

He didn't say anything. Just watched her move closer to him. She stood directly in front of him and raised her chin.

"Tell me right now. Say you don't love me, and I'll turn around and leave. But you have to say the words."

His eyes burned into hers, but she didn't look away. Calandra had to know. He closed the space between them in an instant, his mouth on hers. She sighed in relief. He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, his thumbs softly caressing her cheeks.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry. For hurting you."

"You better be." Calandra said. "I haven't decided if I'm going to forgive you yet."

He pulled his head back and looked at her. Up close, she could see his eyes were bloodshot and his lips were chapped. There were faint scars that crisscrossed the side of his neck and he had a bruise on his forehead, near his hairline. She wondered how many other scars he had just from the past couple months.

"You already have." He said, a smirk playing at the edge of his mouth.

She shot him a scowl and watched as the smirk on his face turned into a sad frown.

"Not that I deserve it."

Her gaze softened and she ran a hand up to his shoulder.

"Promise you'll never leave like that again and I won't make you grovel." She smiled.

He laughed a horrible, bitter laugh.

"You think I could do that again? The look on your face made me want to kill myself. I've been running from that look for the past two months. I see it every time I close my eyes."

He held her head in his hands and stared into her eyes.

"I will absolutely never leave you again. I promise. I'm not strong enough for that, love."

Calandra smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "You still have a lot of explaining to do. And I come with stipulations this time."

Sirius nodded, and moved to sit on the couch, turning to face her.

"I didn't want you to get hurt." He said quickly. "That's why I left. Not because I don't love you, or because of your parents, or because I met someone else."

"I believe you." she said.

"The Death Eaters came for me. Told me to join up or die, pretty much. Said they were extending uncommon courtesy because Reg had told them I'd probably join up. Little fucker. I told them there wasn't even a snowball's chance in hell of me joining ranks."

Sirius stopped and drew a breath.

"They told me they had other ways of persuasion. One of them said he'd been dying to get a taste of you, and it would be even sweeter knowing that he'd be using you to get to me." Sirius's eyes were dead as he said the words.

"It was Avery." Sirius said.

Calandra nodded. She'd known all along it would be him.

"I just wanted to keep you safe." Sirius said, his voice pleading.

"I know that." Calandra said. "But you can't just muck about doing the things you think will keep me safe without talking to me about it. I'm a grown woman Sirius. I can take care of myself."

"I know that!" he exclaimed. "This isn't about you not being capable."

"Then what is it about?" she asked.

"It's about you being put in danger because of me. Because you're with me." He said yanking on his shirt.

"It should still be my choice to be with you or not!" Calandra said.

"But you weren't there! You didn't see them, didn't hear what they were saying."

"Then tell me next time!" she said. "No more of this self-sacrificing nonsense. I am choosing to be with you, no matter what that entails. Danger and all. You're just going to have to live with that."

He was silent for a good while, his eyes flicking back and forth between hers. Finally, he reached a hand up and stroked her cheek.

"Ok. I can do that. Any other stipulations, love?"

"I'm sure I'll think of some." Calandra smiled. "You should talk to Alice."

"Oh, I have." He said "I barely made it through the night when Prongs told me what happened with your father. I went straight to Fawcett's. She hexed me."

Calandra swallowed her smile.

"I couldn't get a word in edgewise for quite some time. I think she cursed my familial name back to the twelfth century." He gave her a lopsided smile.

"When she tired herself out, she took one look at me and realized what had happened. Told me that I was an idiot and I had better thank my lucky stars if you ever gave me the time of day again. She gave me a lecture McGonagall would've been proud of."

"Best friends are great, aren't they?" she smiled.

"Speaking of, is James tied up somewhere or did you have to kill him to find me?" He asked.

"Neither." She said with a huff. "I wasn't born yesterday, Black. I know how that brilliant brain of yours works."

Sirius smiled and leant down to her.

"He wasn't very subtle, was he?" he whispered against her mouth.

Calandra just laughed.

"Good old Prongs." Sirius said as he kissed her.

* * *

August 11, 1979

She lay next to Sirius that night, more at peace than she'd been in ages. She ran a finger along the inside of his arm and stared at the ink that marked his skin there.

"You got a new one." She said softly.

He ran a hand down her arm and looked down at her.

"I did." He agreed.

"Did it hurt?" she asked.

"Worse than any of the others." He murmured.

"You don't sound too torn up over it." She teased.

"It cut through the fog." He said stoically. "I wanted it to."

"Pretty fearsome looking for a dog, don't you think." She quipped.

He smiled down at her and tucked a curl behind her ear.

"I'd have thought you'd recognize a wolf when you see one. Bearing in mind you can conjure up one at any time."

Calandra looked back at the tattoo. How oblivious could she be? Of course, it was a wolf. A grey wolf.

She blinked back tears and looked back to him.

"You got my Patronus."

He nodded.

"Why?" she asked.

"It represents all your happiest memories. I thought it might help fight the darkness that I was stuck in." he said.

"I got one, too." She said. She hiked her shirt up to show her ribcage. Sirius leant down to read the words on her skin. He drew back sharply and gave her a puzzled frown.

"I told the tattooist to do whatever she wanted. She saw the crest on the necklace and went with that. I didn't even know what it was until I got home."

She smoothed a hand down his cheek and kissed him.

"Describes my love for you quite nicely, don't you think?" she asked.

"Always pure." He murmured.

She studied his face, hoping it wouldn't darken. She didn't know how he would feel about it.

"I'll cover it up if you don't like it." She said, nervously. "I can get something else over it."

He shook his head.

"Keep it. It's perfect." He breathed and ran a finger along the words. "I don't know how it's possible. But you turn every single part of my horrible family you touch, into something full of light."

He kissed her eyelids, then her cheeks, and moved to her nose.

"I love you."

* * *

August 17, 1979

"You're not going to tell me I'm making a mistake?" Calandra asked as she packed up her things. "Not going to try to get me to stay?"

Alice labeled boxes of paint and shrank them. She gave a Calandra a look out of the corner of her eye.

"No." she said.

"I expected the third degree, honestly." Calandra said, folding a jumper. "I'm surprised at you."

"Callie." Alice laughed. "You've been walking around half asleep for the past two months. You look more alive today than you have in weeks."

Calandra folded the top of the box down and went to sit beside Alice on the bed. She held Alice's hand and squeezed it.

"He told me he came to talk to you." she said.

Alice nodded and her eyes glinted.

"He tell you what I hit him with?" she asked.

"He said you hexed him." Calandra said.

"Figures he wouldn't give details." Alice smiled. "Instant Scalping Hex and a stinging hex for good measure."

"Alice!" Calandra giggled. "You're ruthless."

"Yeah, well. I thought he deserved it at the time." Alice shrugged.

"And you don't now?" Calandra asked.

"Not for the same reason." Alice said. "I stand by it for him being a prat. But no. I don't think he deserved it for lying to you. Because he didn't."

Calandra nodded.

"You know I'll stay if you tell me you still think I should." Calandra said.

"As if." Alice snorted. "When have you ever done what I've told you?"

"I would." Calandra said. "If you think I'll just end up back here six months from now, tell me. And I'll stay."

Alice shook her head and smiled.

"Trust me, Callie." Alice squeezed her hand. "If you go back, you'll never get rid of him."

Calandra breathed a sigh of relief. A huge weight lifted off of her shoulders and she smiled. Alice had never lied to her. She would trust Alice with her life. So that's what she did.

* * *

August 24, 1979

"We checked into it." Frank said, pulling a quill from behind his ear and marking something on a piece of parchment.

"There's absolutely no ties." He said.

"None?" Calandra asked, unbelievingly.

Alice shook her head.

"We checked everything." She said. "There are no links between your father and any Death Eater activity. Every galleon is accounted for, every business transaction is solid. There's nothing that points back to You-Know-Who."

"We know he was threatening you." Alice said. "We know what he did. But we can't prove it. He has an alibi for that whole day."

Calandra shook her head.

"I don't care about that." She said hotly. "But I know what he said."

"I know." Alice said. "We believe you. I still think he's hiding something."

"But," Frank cut in. "We don't think it's Death Eater activity."

Alice bit her lip and sighed.

"I just don't see how he could hide it so completely if it was." Alice said.

Calandra shook her head.

"He was just trying to scare you, Callie." Frank said. "Just throwing around weight that he didn't have because he knew it would hit hard."

Calandra sighed and looked to Alice.

"Is that what you think?" she asked.

"I don't know." Alice said. "I just don't know, Callie."

Calandra nodded and stared out of the window. Perhaps her father wasn't cavorting with Death Eaters. Perhaps he'd only been trying to intimidate her. Perhaps he was lying. But there was a chance he wasn't. And Calandra couldn't rest easy until she was sure.


	39. Chapter 39

September 30, 1979

The streetlights cast a faint glow along the sidewalk. Calandra walked toward the intersection quietly, drawing herself into the shadows. She just had to make it to the intersection. No one knew she'd be here. There was a pay phone and a mailbox at the corner of the sidewalk at the intersection. All she had to do was grab the box out of the post bin and get in the phone booth. Then she could disapparate.

She was safe enough. All the Aurors were being tailed. The Order members were being followed. That's why she volunteered. She wasn't being watched like the rest of them. Even so, she glamoured herself. James said they had ways of detecting the disillusionment charms, so she refrained from it. She needed to seem like an inconspicuous muggle mailing a letter and calling a friend. She took a deep breath and kept going.

She heard footsteps behind her and forced herself to keep a steady pace. She glanced over her shoulder and saw three figures walking in the shadows. She kept going, holding to her wand in her pocket. She stopped at the post bin and took out an envelope. She opened the flap and shoved the envelope in and grabbed the box stuck to the underside of the opening. She put her hand back in her pocket and walked over to the telephone booth. She could see the reflection of the people who were walking behind her in the glass. They were walking straight for her. She turned the handle of the door.

It was locked.

Calandra cursed under her breath then turned down a side path, letting the box fall from her hand in her pocket and reached further down in the fabric for the portkey. Just as her hand found the key in her pocket that would take her to the edge of McAllister Forest she felt a pair of hands grab at hers. Shit.

Her feet hit the ground at an odd angle, and she stumbled. She righted herself and swirled around training her wand on the person who grabbed her, but there was no one there. She turned around once more then whispered "Homenum rev-" but was cut off with a whispered _Silencio_ from beside her. She threw out four nonverbal stunning spells in every direction but hit nothing. She felt her wand fly from her hand and knew she'd been disarmed.

 _That's okay,_ she thought. _I can do wandless magic, but I'll have to take them all out. Can't risk them side apparating with me. I'll have to wait till I can see them. Have to wait till I can speak._

Calandra stood poised to run when she was struck by a nonverbal binding curse. She fell on her side and when her head hit a rock she winced in pain. She could still get out, she just had to find them. She had to see them.

Slowly, as if they were images popping up on a polaroid picture, she could see them as their disillusionment charms lifted. Three masked figures, black cloaks billowing out behind them. Death Eaters. She heard a chuckle and one of them spoke.

"Thought you could get away that easy? Thought we didn't know your little muggle post trick?"

The voice was coarse and rough and very familiar. Avery.

"Aurors gave you so much training, but you didn't even bring backup?" he sneered.

This Death Eater stomped straight up to her and grabbed her by the hair. He started to speak then pulled her roughly upright staring at her face.

She heard him mutter a revealing charm.

All at once her glamours faded and the eyes behind the mask glittered.

"Well, well, well, well. Isn't this a pleasant turn of events? We came out here expecting Meadows, but we end up with you."

"So tell me, love, where are they?" He whispered. "If you tell me now, I'm sure he'll show you some mercy and offer up a spot. I'll even put in a good word."

She spat at him.

"Have it your way….Crucio" He barked.

Pain. So much pain. She was on fire and she was being stabbed thousands of times. She writhed in her binds and screamed but no sounds came out. Her vision went white and she couldn't feel anything but the pain.

Mercifully it stopped.

Then it started back. She felt like she was being electrocuted. Like she was being ripped in two. She screamed and screamed and screamed in her mind. She wanted to die. Please let her die. Just kill her.

It stopped again. She thought of Sirius. Of his laugh and his eyes and how he'd probably never forgive her for this. Rain spattered her face as she tried to catch her breath.

"Crucio"

She was on fire again. Constantly burning and burning and every nerve ending was ablaze with the pain. She couldn't focus on anything but the pain. So much pain. She felt tears in her eyes.

Finally, it stopped.

"It's not so much fun when you can't hear the screams." she heard him chuckle off to the side and she felt her vocal cords relax.

He ran a hand across her hair and roughly pulled her head up. His breath was hot on her ear when he growled, "Remember, I told you I like it rough, love."

"We don't have much time to play, call for him so he can just search her memories." A different voice said. She wasn't sure who. Whoever he was he was standing further away, as if keeping watch.

"Nah," Avery said. "Bring the kid over here, he's been teaching him. He can do it."

She felt herself being jerked up and felt someone walk up to her.

She looked up into the mask and saw two grey eyes staring back at her. Eyes she looked into every morning. They widened in shock and glanced to Avery.

He sneered, "You'll finally be able to rid your family of that awful blood traitor now Reg."

The Death Eater in front of her nodded.

Sirius was right. They were looking for him.

"Now," Avery spat at her, grabbing her throat. "All you have to do is open your mind and think of where lover boy is. He and Potter are connected at the hip and the Dark Lord has a proposition for them."

She gulped. She was awful at Occlumency. She kept thinking of her childhood home, trying to push back her flat with Sirius.

"We're not together," she choked. "He left me."

No one spoke. The third Death Eater walked towards them slowly. Just a bit closer, she thought, that's all she needed.

Avery looked sharply at the Death Eater kneeling in front of her.

"Well, kid. Is she telling the truth? Put yourself to use."

Grey eyes met hers and she felt something pushing against her mind. She threw up a quick wall, but it was no use.

She felt something like a knife slicing through her mind and her memories were flying by in brief glimpses. Scraping her knee as a child. Climbing the tree in her front yard. Her mother holding her hand to cross the street.

She had to fight it. She'd never be able to get away if she couldn't stay focused.

She felt something shift and newer memories surfaced. James laughing. Alice hugging her. Sirius walking away from her. Her pounding on his door.

"He did." She heard him say. "He left."

"Hmm. Blood not dirty enough for him? Or was it something else? Not willing to put out?"

She heard the third Death Eater laugh at Avery's remarks. She needed him to come closer.

"I bet you know where he is though don't you." Avery sneered, tightening his hand at her throat. "Part of that stupid order of Dumbledore's."

"Not..in…the Order." she gasped, trying to suck in air.

"Well, we'll see about that," He said breathing in her ear. "And if you can't give us what we want, I'm sure we could put you to use in other ways." She felt the tip of his wand poke her throat and he dragged it down across her collar bone to her chest and back up to her face.

He jerked his head and barked, "She's all yours kid, for now. Get to it."

Knives in her mind again.

"Where is he?" Avery growled.

 _Think of father's house. Think of father's house. Think of father's house_.

She tried and tried to think of anything else, everything else, but the knives sliced away her memories. A picture of her favorite window at home flashed in her mind before she could stop it and her heart stuttered. She wouldn't be able to keep him safe. She was looking up at the window from the street in her mind.

Just as the memory started to shift down towards the door to the flat, she saw silver threads wrap themselves around her mind. They wove together, under and over until they formed two words.

Never Tell.

Over and over and over. The words Never Tell clouded her mind and she didn't know what was going on. They wove into the stone around the window until she could see nothing but the square of glass.

She stared up into grey eyes and she saw the words reflected there. Her eyes widened and her jaw fell open. She felt the knives slip away and his eyes held hers for a second longer.

"All I see is that she'll never tell."

Avery cursed and pushed her back.

"Well, we'll just have to take her with us." The third Death Eater stepped forward. "Let Se-

"Stupefy!" she screamed with all the power she had.

They jumped in surprise as it hit them all three and they dropped.

Her binds fell and she acciod her wand. She looked at the Death Eater with the grey eyes for a split second and disapparated on the spot.

* * *

September 30, 1979

She ran as soon as she saw the house and the barn. She'd apparated to a farm in Wales. It was the first place that popped into her mind. She loved the windmill behind the barn. Her legs pumped as she sprinted towards the fields behind the house. Leaves slapped at her as she ran through the rows of corn. When she was about halfway through the field, she turned on her heel and disapparated again, this time to the safe house.

Calandra stumbled a bit and looked around her. A quiet, still night. No one around, and there very well shouldn't be. There were muggle repelling charms and wards set up to keep others out. She'd been added to the wards earlier that day when they went over plans. She probably couldn't apparate here after tonight, though.

She pushed open the gate and walked up to the house. She knocked on the front door and heard footsteps inside. A faint red light glowed briefly behind the door and she knew they'd cast a shield charm. The door opened and her heart dropped.

Eyes steely and face iced over, Sirius stared at her with his wand out. Beside him stood Alastair Moody and Lily, both with their wands trained on her.

Lily stepped forward.

"What did you conjure for us the night you confided in me about your mother?" she asked.

"Hot chocolate with Bailey's cream." She replied. "In mugs with Labradors on them."

Lily rushed forward and wrapped her in a hug. She wanted nothing more than to crumble to the floor wrapped in the embrace.

Calandra tried to hold herself together. She was falling to pieces in her mind. She threw up shaky Occlumency walls to hold it all in. Lily led her over to a plush couch and made her sit. Every time she blinked, she saw flashes of herself writhing in pain and Avery's hand on her neck.

Moody stalked over and trained his eyes on her.

"You got it?" he asked. She nodded.

"Good work. Hand it over, I have to take it to Dumbledore straight away."

She shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out the box. She laid it in his hand, and he turned to the others.

"Check her good and make sure she's safe, wherever she goes, they'll be looking for her now." He growled.

He slammed the door and they were alone. She should tell them what happened and leave. Let them do whatever they had to do. He'd be home later, and they could argue, then. He was safe; that's all that mattered. She glanced up at Lily, ready to speak, but Lily was looking at Sirius. Calandra's eyes moved of their own accord; drawn to those grey pools she knew better than her own.

Her walls crumbled. She trembled and felt tears behind her eyes. Her throat felt thick. She couldn't swallow and was trying to breathe. Suddenly she was enveloped in a crushing hug.

"I could kill you." he said against her hair. "You brave, ridiculous thing."

He rocked her back and forth.

She fell apart in his arms. He wasn't supposed to be here tonight. Who knows what he did to James to figure it out? She thought she'd never see him again, never be wrapped up in this embrace. Thought they'd find him.

"Shhh," he whispered. "I've got you, you're safe."

"They were there." She finally managed words. "They were there."

His arms tightened around her and Lily sat on the coffee table in front of her staring at her.

"Death Eaters. How many?" she asked.

"Three. There were three of them. They've disabled the apparition point." She felt for the key in her pocket and held it out. "I had to portkey, but they grabbed hold of me. You'll want to destroy that," she nodded toward the key. "They can only trace where they port to, but still."

They both stared at her incredulous.

Lily broke the silence.

"They were there in the forest with you?" she looked to Calandra's shaking hands. "What did they do to you?"

Calandra looked up into Sirius's eyes and she hated the pain she saw. She knew the look all too well, she saw it reflected in the mirror every time she looked at herself when he was gone with the Order.

Lily waved her wand and plucked a teacup out of the air. She handed it to Calandra and said, "Here, drink this. When you're ready you can tell us everything."

Calandra nodded and looked mutely down at her cup. She didn't want tea. She wanted to forget all that had happened tonight, but she couldn't. They needed to know. Every detail she could give them would help. She sat up and told them what happened.

She told them of the locked phone booth, and of the disillusionment charms they must have used seconds before the portkey took them to the forest. Of how she tried to stun them as soon as she landed and how they disarmed her and bound her.

"They were expecting Dorcas," she said. "He said they were expecting Meadows. You'll need to warn her."

Lily nodded and said, "She already knows they're following her, but I'll make sure she knows they wanted her specifically. What happened next? Did you recognize any of them?"

"Yeah," Calandra said staring at the teacup in her hand. "Evan Avery was the one who silenced me and bound me. He recognized me."

She felt Sirius stiffen beside her.

"Through the glamours?" Lily asked.

"Yeah…no…I guess. He knew they were glamours and he vanished them. Then he knew exactly who I was." She said and finally took a sip of her tea, just to have something to do.

Sirius had his arm around her shoulders, and he squeezed her arm. She had to tell them the rest.

"When Avery figured out who I was he must've changed his mind about that box. He never mentioned it or even tried to get it. All he wanted was information on you all." She looked up at Lily. "He asked me about the Order, and he wanted to know where Sirius was."

"I spat at him and he took that as a no, then…." She shut her eyes and saw herself in agony. "then he tortured me. The Cruciatus."

Sirius let go of her and jumped off the couch. He strode to the window and stared out it. His breath came out ragged and he ran his hand through his hair. Lily looked between the two of them with a sad smile on her lips.

Calandra looked up at the window and saw Sirius's shoulders shaking. She set the teacup on the coffee table and walked over to him. His hands gripped the windowsill, his knuckles white.

She reached a hand out to his arm and he flinched when she touched him. He rounded on her and she saw a tear running down his face. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.

"I told you. I told you. I begged you not to get involved. I tried to leave. To keep you safe." His eyes burned into hers. "Why didn't you listen to me? You could've died tonight." His hands left her shoulders and he wrapped his arms round her.

His voice was softer as he repeated his last sentence, "You could've died tonight."

She embraced him for a moment, feeling his heartbeat against her cheek, then pulled back.

"But, I didn't." she said evenly.

He let out a breath he'd been holding and shook his head. She grabbed his hand and turned back to Lily.

"He got tired of it after a few minutes. I couldn't scream because of the silencing charm and he made a joke about it not being as much fun. He seemed to know that I wouldn't give anything up like that anyways. It was just a game to him."

She remembered how his eyes glittered when he cast the curse. She shivered.

"One of them wanted to call for someone else. I don't know who. Wanted him to read my mind, but Avery said that other one with them could do it. He called him 'the kid' and said that whoever they'd been about to call had been teaching him."

She looked up and saw Sirius gazing at her face, his eyes guarded. She had to tell him. He knew Regulus had joined; she couldn't not tell him.

"It was Regulus." she said softly.

His face hardened.

"Avery started asking me about you. About where to find you."

She felt him suck a breath in, she forced herself to go on.

"Said that Sirius and James were joined at the hip and Voldemort wanted them. Had a proposition for them."

His eyes never left hers.

"I told them that you left me." she said bringing a hand up to push the hair out of his face.

She felt his jaw clench under her hand.

"He saw you walking away that day and told Avery I was telling the truth. But Avery was convinced I still knew something. He wanted anything I knew about you all. Told Regulus to try again."

She thought back to that last memory. The silver threads weaving into it. The words she read in those grey eyes.

Never Tell.

Did he mean he would never tell? Or did he mean that she should never tell?

_Never Tell._

"All he saw was the window at the flat. The one with the geraniums on the ledge." She smiled a small smile. "We'll need to get rid of those."

He nodded.

"How did you get away?" Lily chewed on her bottom lip.

"The one keeping watch got impatient and said they should just take me with them. Started to say another Death Eater could have a go at me, but I stunned them all when he got close enough. I grabbed my wand and disapparated to the country, then apparated here." She said.

"Bloody Hell." Sirius breathed.

Lily let out an exasperated laugh, "You say that like it's the most normal thing in the world; to stun three death eaters at once. Wandless! While bound!"

"I'm good at wandless magic, you know that." she shot back defensively. "But I wouldn't have had a chance if they'd kept me silent. I had to scream the curse at them to make sure it got them all."

Lily stared at her, then slowly nodded. Sirius broke the silence.

"Reg must be shit at Legilimency. Because you can't occlude worth a damn."

"Yeah, I know." she said quietly.

Lily got up and wrapped her in a warm embrace. "I have to go. I told James I'd be home before midnight. But if you need anything, and I mean anything, I'll be there."

She walked to the coat rack to put her cloak on and turned back to Sirius.

"You're not coming with me tonight. Don't even try to argue with me. I can make it home on my own just fine."

"Prongs will kill me." he muttered.

"You leave James to me." She said throwing a scarf around her neck. "This little agreement you two have about protecting us ends now. You're right where you need to be."

She gave them a smile and reached for the door, "The wards are already set, just say the password when you leave and be sure to let us know you get home safe."

Sirius watched her go then looked back down at Calandra.

"Come on." he said. "Let's get you home."

He took a step toward the door, but she stood rooted to the spot.

"You're not mad at me?" she asked bewildered.

"I'm furious." he replied drawing her into his arms. "But I can be cross later. Right now, I want you safe at home with me."


	40. Chapter 40

October 2, 1998

She held herself tightly in the cold room to keep her hands from shaking. It had been years, but she could remember that night like it was yesterday. She'd played it and replayed it hundreds of times in her mind trying to make sense of those silver words.

Was Regulus defying orders because he defected? Or was it simply to protect his brother?

Calandra thought back to that fall and winter. They'd shared Christmas celebrations with James and Lily that year. The whole evening was dotted with talk of the Order. Neither Remus or Peter had seen any further sign of Regulus with the other Death Eaters.

She'd never get answers to her questions. She wouldn't have then if she'd found him either. Dead people can't give those kinds of answers.

* * *

January 17, 1980

Calandra waited for Alice outside Madam Malkins. She breathed in the cold air and felt refreshed. Shoppers bustled along the street, chattering away to one another. Calandra noticed that almost everyone was shopping or travelling in groups of two or more. No one felt safe enough to go anywhere alone these days.

Calandra sighed and checked her watch. She still had to go to Wizeacre's. The Order needed matching portraits of two different ministry officials and one healer from St. Mungo's by the end of the week. They were quick ways to communicate with each other and perfect lookouts. Hardly anyone thought to check the paintings.

A man in a bowler hat nodded to her as he passed and Calandra absently dipped her head to him, absorbed in her own thoughts of the three portraits she needed to finish by next week. His shoes made her do a double take. Black dragonhide, stamped with gold W's on the bottom of the heel. Those were familiar.

Alice came bouncing out of the shop and interrupted Calandra's train of thought. She handed Calandra a bag and guided them down the street. Calandra peeked into the bag as they walked. Royal blue fabric with glittering silver stars lay nestled in the bag.

"What's this?" Calandra asked.

"A late Christmas gift." Alice said innocently. "What do you think?"

"It's gorgeous." Calandra said. "Is it for Frank's mum?"

Alice wrinkled her nose and laughed.

"Now you're making me second guess myself. It's for you, you ninny."

Calandra peered at Alice in surprise.

"You already got me a Christmas gift." She said. "You ordered me that paint from Italy made from the Mordrecampanula teeth. I showed it to Willy and he's going to start stocking it."

Alice rolled her eyes and gestured to the bag.

"Yeah, but you'll use that for work." She said with a shrug. "I wanted to get you something just for you."

Calandra pulled out the fabric and held it out in the light. The different stars glittered and sparkled in different spots. Silver thread weaved through the blue material in thin lines. Calandra recognized the Libra constellation glinting against the material.

"It's beautiful, Alice." She said and wrapped an arm around her friend.

"Matches your eyes quite nicely, doesn't it?" Alice asked smugly.

Calandra rolled her eyes and folded the material back down into the bag.

"You know this means I get to get you another gift." Calandra pointed out. "And you can't complain about it."

Alice linked her arm through Calandra's as they weaved their way through shoppers and onto a less crowed side street.

"Of course." Alice said. "Fair is fair. I can even give you a few ideas of what I'd like."

"Mmhmm." Calandra murmured, examining a display in the window of Pillywinkles. "And what would they be?"

"Just practical things." Alice said casually. "Blankets, bottles, nappies. You know; those sorts of things."

Calandra's head whipped around. Alice giggled and raised her eyebrows.

"You're?" Calandra gestured toward Alice.

Alice smiled and nodded.

"A complete surprise." She said.

Calandra laughed and scooped Alice into a hug, sweeping her feet off the ground. Calandra felt like crying and laughing and dancing and throwing up; all at once. Alice was going to have a baby!

* * *

January 18, 1980

Calandra sat at the table smiling to herself. She wrapped her hands around her mug and took a sip of her tea. Alice was going to have a baby. She could hardly believe it. Calandra looked down at the list she'd made.

Nappies

Bottles

Blankets

Baby gowns

Socks

Shoes?

Blankets

Crib

Pram

Dummies

Toys

She'd have to ask Alice if she needed anything else, and what colors she'd like the items to be. She'd happily buy every item on the list. A baby! Calandra couldn't keep herself from smiling. She heard a key in the lock and her smile grew wider. She couldn't wait to share the news with Sirius.

* * *

January 20, 1980

Calandra took the ministry portrait to the receptionist at the International Relations Division. She levitated it behind her as she took the lift up to the fifth floor. As she stepped out of the lift, she caught a whiff of something that smelled vaguely familiar. It reminded her of the dining room at home when she was young.

It only lasted a moment, and Calandra couldn't quite place it. How odd. She shrugged and walked through the hallway to the receiving room and left the portrait with the secretary. Just two more portraits to finish, this week.

* * *

January 28, 1980

"I'm terrified." Alice said.

"Why?" Calandra asked, setting a plate of shepherd's pie in front of Alice.

"Apart from the fact that I did not plan this and haven't the slightest idea on how to be a mum." Alice said sardonically. "Just the mortal danger that everyone is in right now. Genocidal wizard on the loose."

Calandra paused pouring the drinks. She'd been in a bubble since Alice had told her a few days ago. She didn't even think about how dangerous the world would be for Alice's baby. Alice and Frank were Aurors. They'd both joined the Order. They'd already been targeted by the Death Eaters.

She handed Alice a glass of apple cider and sat down at the table, thoughts whirring through her mind. Alice pointed to Calandra's plate with her fork after a few minutes.

"You not going to eat?" she asked.

Calandra scooped up some food and took a bite. She tapped her fork against her lips and nodded.

"When is the next Order meeting?" she asked.

Alice looked up in surprise.

"Friday, I think." She said. "You can send the paintings by Sirius if you like."

Calandra nodded absently. She wouldn't have to send anything by Sirius. She'd be there herself. Calandra stabbed a piece of carrot resolutely and crunched it. She'd join the Order and make sure Alice and the baby were safe. She'd tell every single one of them what she was and dare anyone to try to stop her from joining.

* * *

January 29, 1980

Calandra met Remus for lunch in Hogsmeade the next day. She rushed down the street toward the Three Broomsticks, cursing herself for being late. She bumped into a wizard in dark green robes and gave a hurried apology as she continued down the street. That color green was familiar. It looked almost exactly like the shade Calandra used to paint the shadows of the trees at the pond by the flat.

Calandra shook her head and pushed through the door. Remus waved at her from a table in the corner. He stood up when she made her way to him and kissed her cheek. He pulled her chair out for her and ruffled her hair.

"Be sure to be there on time, she says." He gave her a look.

"I know. I know." Calandra held her hands up. "You have full permission to give me hell over it."

"What did he do?" Remus laughed. "Or do I want to hear about it?"

Calandra gave him a withering look.

"One time." She said. "That happens one time and you've never let me live it down. Next time you bring it up, how about I tell you all the dirty little details; position and all-"

"Please, no!" Remus held up a hand. "I don't want to have to scourgify my ears. I did that enough in school."

"You want to go there, Lupin?" Calandra lifted her chin. "I pretty much lived in that dorm seventh year. At least I had the decency to cast silencing charms."

"Ok. Ok." Remus held his hands up, blush creeping across his cheeks. "Truce."

Calandra sent him a satisfied smirk and picked up a menu.

"He couldn't find his keys." She said. "How'd you know it was him?"

"Please, Callie. I've known the both of you for years." He took a sip of his drink. "You thrive on punctuality, and he thrives on general mayhem."

Calandra laughed and looked over the menu.

"You're one to talk. How many times did I sit in the library, waiting for you to show up and do your portion of our assignments?"

"Not many at first." Remus smiled.

"That was before we were really friends." Calandra rolled her eyes. "After we ate too many Rum Razzies together and ended up tossing our dinners back up in the bushes together, your regard for timeliness went straight out the window."

"They stopped selling them to schoolkids who aren't of age. I still can't look at one without feeling ill." Remus pulled a face. "And people generally overlooked my tardiness."

Calandra rolled her eyes and set her menu to the side.

"And you were a prefect. How disgusting."

Remus laughed and set his menu on top of hers.

"I've missed you, Callie."

"You know you're more than welcome to stay with us." Calandra said. "We've talked about getting a bigger place anyways. You just say the word and its done."

Remus shook his head.

"I'm not doing that to you." he said. "Or to myself."

Calandra rolled her eyes and turned to the waiter that had suddenly appeared.

"I'll have the chicken and veg, please." She said.

"Lunch is on me." She added to Remus and gave him a pointed look.

"I'll have…" Remus glanced at the menu and Calandra fixed him with another look.

"I'll have the roast." he said to the waiter.

"Don't even try to argue." Calandra said, sipping her drink.

"I have gold Callie." He said.

"And so do I." she said. "And Sirius has more than he knows what to do with, even after being disinherited. Makes you a bit sick, doesn't it?"

"There are much more disgusting things about him, besides his gold. Believe me." Remus said.

Calandra smiled and sat forward in her chair.

"There's the Moony I know." She said. "Now that he's back, I can tell you the news."

"What?" he asked, tearing a bread roll in half.

"I'm joining the Order." Calandra said. "And I want you to fill me in on everything that's going on."

* * *

February 1, 1980

Calandra woke up early Friday morning. She stretched her arms out above her and basked in the warmth of the sunlight shining through the window. Sirius scooted closer to her in his sleep, and Calandra lay there running her fingers through his hair as she thought about everything she had to do that day.

They needed groceries. She'd have to go to the market before lunch. The only food they had in the flat was oatmeal and tins of tomatoes. She'd meant to go out last week but forgot. They'd been throwing together a mish mash of meals or going out to the pub to eat for the last little while.

She had to finish the portrait of Fletcher Bluford. His beard was proving to be quite the pain in the arse. Why couldn't he just comb it and be done with it? What was the deal with all those intricate braids?

She wanted to quiz Sirius about the Order, too. She got a lot of the logistics from Remus, but he'd been travelling for the past few months and didn't know all the latest developments or the most up to date details.

Calandra paused her movements and looked down at Sirius. He hadn't exactly been enthused when she'd told him. But _she_ hadn't exactly been enthused when _he'd_ told her, either. He understood though and supported her. He put in an order for custom made dragon hide coats, cloaks, and gloves straight away and joked that they would practice dueling every evening.

He whiffled a snore in his sleep and Calandra smiled. She dropped a kiss to his cheek and carefully slid out of bed, not wanting to wake him. She dressed, slid a few quid in her pocket, and left him a note in case he woke up before she got back.

Calandra went to the small market down the street and filled a basket with groceries. She was placing tins of beans in the basket when someone cleared their throat. Calandra looked up and her heart immediately started racing. Her father stood a few paces from her, studying the canned goods on the shelf. He turned to her and gave her a frosty smile.

"What do you want?" Calandra asked.

"You don't know?" Johnathon asked curiously.

Calandra turned on her heel and walked away. She went to the produce stand and shoved apples into her basket. He was just trying to intimidate her. The supermarket was full of people; he couldn't do anything here. She'd ignore him and go home. She turned to reach for pears and almost ran into her father.

"Leave me alone." Calandra bit out.

Calandra rolled her eyes and shoved pears into her basket.

"You're still doing your fingerpainting, I've noticed." Johnathon said nonchalantly.

Calandra clenched her jaw.

"Still meeting up with that ragged boy with ghastly scars all over him." Johnathon went on.

Green robes flashed in Calandra's memory. He was there. He was the wizard in green robes.

"I thought the gift from the young Fawcett girl was quite luxurious."

The familiar black shoes. The scent in the elevator. It was him.

"You're having me followed." Calandra swallowed.

"So, you haven't read the letters." Johnathon smirked.

"Just tell me what you want." Calandra said, clutching the basket. "Just tell me what it is, then leave me alone."

"The world is changing, Calandra." Johnathon looked in her basket. "The powerful are rising, and I plan to be one of them. I can't afford setbacks. Setbacks would be detrimental to my future. Setbacks in the form of dirty little secrets. Dirty blood secrets."

Calandra ground her teeth together.

"I have no desire to be a part of your life." She fumed. "Just pretend like you don't know me and leave me the fuck alone."

Johnathon took an apple from her basket and held it up.

"Your existence outside of your place is a setback." He said. "As much as I would love to pretend you don't exist, the fact remains that you do. I have to keep an eye on you, make sure my secrets are safe."

"You think I'd tell anyone?" she spat.

"You already have." Johnathon said. "I'm going to make sure you don't tell anyone else."

"Like hell you will." Calandra spat and shoved the basket toward him. "Just pretend I'm a ghost, Johnathon. Pretend like my little trip to the ocean worked and stay out of my life."

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Calandra." Johnathon grabbed hold of the basket. "You forget your place."

"My place?" she scathed. "You mean some pureblood box you could lock me into. Like you locked her into?"

Johnathon pursed his lips at the mention of Calandra's mother.

"I know the reason you dragged me to all of those society events." Calandra said. "I know that you don't care all that much about blood purity. But you care an awful lot about me, because of her. Because of what she was and because of what I am."

Johnathon's nostrils flared. Calandra knew she was toeing the line, but she pressed on.

"A pureblood marriage is the perfect way to keep a witch in line. A wizard with enough money and power to keep her silent. Lock her away so she can only ever be a beautiful accessory to be brought out and paraded around when it's convenient. The perfect plan to get rid of your little problem without all the scandal murder would bring, right?"

Johnathon pushed the basket into Calandra's stomach.

"You wanted a box to put me in." she spat. "One even sturdier than the one you kept her in. She was more powerful than you, and you hated that. So, you tried to keep us locked away. But she got me out, didn't she? She outsmarted you and you can't risk me doing the same. Too late, Johnathon. I already have."

She stalked away, raging mad.

"Watch the step on the second landing." Johnathon called after her. "They haven't fixed it yet."

Calandra felt a chill run down her spine. She ran through the door of the supermarket and continued running the whole way home. She took the stairs two at a time, past the crumbling step, up to the door of the flat. Her head was pounding when she finally closed the door and locked it. She cast concealment charms and warded the entire flat, shaking.

She ran over to the table and pulled the small red box to her. They tossed all the post in this box. She rifled through the envelopes, pulling out all of the ones with the black wax seal on them. She usually incinerated the letters, but Sirius didn't. He set them aside for her to read. Only he didn't know she didn't read them.

She tore open the envelopes and read the letters. Some were short notes, hardly more than one line. Some were a couple paragraphs long. All in the same familiar handwriting.

_It would be in your best interest to cease your 'artistic endeavors' Calandra. There has been talk at the ministry of your talents. Drawing attention to yourself is not the best idea is it? You don't bear up well under scrutiny, do you?_

Calandra tossed the page aside and read the next one.

_I'll tell you this once, and once only. Conducting yourself the way you do with that disgraced Black boy, will not end well. If you ever hope to join proper society, you will end that charade at once._

_I can still secure a betrothal with Evan Avery if you wish, though I've no idea what he finds appealing about you. Perhaps you've used snares such as your mother's. Do write me, Calandra. I await your reply._

The letter in Calandra's hands burst into flames. She breathed deeply and reached for the next one.

_My patience has grown thin. You will learn your place in this world, or I will show it to you. I know where to find you._

She ripped the page and pulled the last one from the envelope.

_I always know where to find you._

Calandra slammed her fists on the table. She smacked her palms against it and screamed. She shoved everything off the table and ripped the envelopes in half. Sirius came running from the bedroom; hair mussed and his shirt rucked up.

"Cal!" he ran to her. "What's wrong? What happened?"

Calandra breathed heavily as hot tears sprang to her eyes.

"He's following me!" she spat.

She gestured to the letters and Sirius smoothed out a crumpled piece of paper. His eyes scanned the page and he frowned. He picked up the pieces of paper scattered about and put them back together. Calandra felt like pulling her hair out.

A horrible expression passed across Sirius's face and Calandra focused on him. He'd pulled a parchment out of an envelope and was reading it. Calandra had missed one. He looked up at her and swallowed. She strode to the table and picked up the parchment.

_I've silenced you before. I do not need magic to do it again._

Calandra dropped the page. Her hand moved to her throat on its own. Sirius gathered all of the parchment and tossed it in the bin. He stood before her and pulled her into his arms. Calandra blinked and tried to listen to his words.

"We have to move." She stammered. "He knows where we live. He'll come for me."

She started shaking and her words came out frenzied.

"He'll come after me and he'll hurt you and he'll take me away."

Sirius tried to calm her down.

"He'll take me away, Sirius. He'll take my voice and lock me up and hurt anyone that tries to stop him."

Sirius held Calandra's face in his hands.

"Cal." He said. "Cal. Listen. Listen to me. He won't. I won't let him."

"He knows!" Calandra shook. "He knows. He always knows where I am."

"Cal. It's ok. We'll-"

"How does he find me?" Calandra asked, wide eyed and frightened.

Sirius pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't know." He whispered. "But we'll find out. He won't get you."

* * *

February 23, 1980

They packed through the night. Alice wrote to Calandra and told her the Order meeting had been postponed, but Calandra was too preoccupied to think about it. She and Sirius moved into a different flat the very next day. Sirius bought it under a false name; a flat in the same building they were already in. James had bought three other flats under false names and left paper trails that led Sirius to two of them. Calandra was hesitant to stay in the same building, but Sirius pointed out that her father expected her to go somewhere different. He'd never expect them to stay.

Sirius warded and concealed the flat himself. They packed everything, shrunk it down, and used the floo to move it all. Calandra added wards of her own as soon as she walked through the fireplace. She soaked Jet Stone in dragon's blood and carved protective runes in it herself. They hung them over each window and door.

Calandra was still wary. She sat up most nights with her back against the headboard, wand trained on the door. She didn't go anywhere without shield charms and concealment charms. She always looked for him. Constantly checked over her shoulder expecting to see him.

She took muggle transportation most places, knowing her father hated it. After about three weeks Calandra was finally getting back to normal. She sat on the train and stared at the posters plastered above the windows. A new slew of passengers boarded, and Calandra felt something touch her legs.

She looked down and found a small black box on her lap. She picked it up and looked around, waiting for someone to say they dropped it. She flipped it over and saw her name written in gold. She swallowed and opened the box with shaking fingers.

Inside, against black felt rested two feathers. Calandra recognized both immediately. One was a canary feather; bright yellow and thin against the black felt. The other was a phoenix feather; crimson and orange and gold. Both feathers were cut in half.

Calandra shoved the lid down on the box. She breathed furious breaths as the train sped along. The message was clear; Calandra was the canary and if she joined, both she and the Order of the Phoenix would be destroyed. The worst part about it was Calandra knew it was true. She'd lead him right to it if she joined. As long as he could find her, the only way she could help the Order was to stay away from it.


	41. Chapter 41

March 1, 1980

Calandra sat on the couch in the safe house, her knee bouncing up and down. She chewed her thumb nervously. The scrolls of parchment she brought along to revise lay untouched in her bag. She alternated between staring at the fireplace and glancing out the window, just waiting for some movement.

Sirius had brought her here so she could be added to the wards. He and James had bought this place specifically as a safe house for the Order to use. There were half a dozen other houses the Order used as well. All of them had extensive wards and charms placed on them, but this safe house was the only one Calandra could get into by herself, since she wasn't a part of the Order.

She'd brought supplies with her and had already restocked the kitchen and the pantry with food. She'd put pain potions and healing supplies in the bedrooms and bathroom under stasis charms, so they would last until someone needed them. She'd even conjured extra furniture and put it in the basement. She knew Remus stayed here pretty frequently, and from what she read and overheard from Sirius and James, if he could take out his more violent urges on something else, he would be less likely to hurt himself. All she could think to do was give him furniture to destroy.

But now, she had nothing else to do but wait. Calandra pulled a roll of parchment form her bag and unrolled it a bit. She tried to read the different charms on tracing magic, but she couldn't focus. Sirius and James should have been back already.

Suddenly the fireplace roared to life with green flames. Calandra jumped up and trained her wand on the flames. Soon two figures appeared, spinning in the flames. Sirius and James fell out of the fireplace, laughing. Calandra peered at them and cleared her throat.

"Sorry, Cal." Sirius wheezed. "What's the question?"

"What's my favorite item of your clothing?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Ooh." Sirius chuckled. "Low blow. My pants with Kneazles on them."

James groaned and she caught sight of him shaking his head out of the corner of her eye. Calandra smirked, and turned to James.

"When did you ask me on a date, Potter?"

James rolled his eyes and Sirius turned to him, affronted.

"Excuse me." He said. "Why is this the first I'm hearing of this?"

"Because I didn't really ask her on a date." James shook his head.

Calandra gave him a pointed look.

"I thought she was someone else." James muttered. "Her hair was straight, and I was behind her. Thought she was Diedre Murphy fifth year. I asked her to Hogsmeade."

Sirius started laughing again and Calandra kissed him on the cheek.

"I said no." she said. "I was quite enamored with another bloke at the time. Now, tell me. You two go off to intercept Death Eaters, I wait here worried sick, and you come back laughing as if you'd just nipped out to the pub. What's that about?"

Sirius and James burst out laughing again, slapping one another on the back and wiping their eyes. They collapsed on the sofa still shaking with laughter.

"We've got to tell Moony and Wormtail about that spell." James said.

Sirius rubbed his face and smiled at Calandra.

"Oh Cal." He said. "You should've seen it."

Calandra crossed her arms and tapped her foot.

"Alright, alright." Sirius said, sitting up. "We found them. The information was right, they were hiding out at McHavelock's waiting. They had plans to go after one of the ministry officials. We heard them talking about it. We were getting ready to head back, and inform the Aurors just like we'd planned, when they figured out we were there."

"What he means is; he tripped and fell on our way out of the alley and said, 'Merlin's saggy bollocks who puts a crate full of Homburg hats in a perfectly good alley?' And, they heard him." James said.

"Sirius!" Calandra admonished.

Sirius waved her away.

"There were only two of them. And I stand by it; why clutter up the alley? With suede hats, no less. One dew fall and those hats will be ruined." he said coolly.

"You are ridiculous!" Calandra rubbed her temples. "What if they'd have hexed you, or cursed you, or killed you?"

"Bit hard to do that with the spell we hit them with." James said, and Sirius laughed.

"Relax, Cal." He said. "We're fine, they didn't even get a shot at us."

"You expect me to believe that you disarmed two Death Eaters before they shot a single curse at you? Do you think I was born yesterday?" she demanded.

"Look who you're talking to, love." Sirius gestured at himself. "That's exactly what happened. They didn't know what hit them."

"Literally." Snorted James.

Calandra turned to Sirius and glared at him. He held his hands up and nodded.

"We hit them with Anaticula." He explained. "Every spell they tried to cast just ended up causing ducks to appear out of their wands."

James started chuckling again, at the memory, and even Calandra smiled a small smile.

"Every spell?" she asked.

"All of them." Sirius nodded. "One tried to Avada us, and poof, ducks."

He smiled a disarming smile at her, and James giggled on the sofa. Calandra looked between the two of them and shook her head.

"Will the two of you ever learn to take anything seriously?" she asked.

* * *

March 14, 1980

Calandra drew the blade across the top of her arm and winced. She picked up her wand and trained it on her left arm. She focused and swished her wand in a half circle. Sirius came into the room holding a cigarette and a piece of parchment.

"Bloody hell, Cal!" he said when he caught sight of her arm. "What happened?"

He stubbed his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe and threw his parchment on the bed. Calandra held up her hand and shook her head.

"I'm fine." She said. "I'm just practicing."

"Practicing?" Sirius echoed. "What the fuck are you…"

He looked at the knife sitting on the bedside table and back to Calandra's arm.

"Godric's balls, Cal." He expostulated as he trained his wand on her.

"No!" she moved away. "I want to see if I can do it."

She brought her wand back to her arm and muttered the spell, turning the wand in a half circle again. She watched as the wound sealed itself shut and when there was nothing left of the incision but a thin pink line, she flicked her wand straight up and said the other spell. The scar faded and her skin smoothed itself back out to the way it was before. Sirius stood there, shaking his head and staring at her.

"You've been carving yourself up like a Christmas ham just to practice a few spells?" he asked.

"No. Don't be daft." Calandra said. "I know how to heal normal scrapes and abrasions. This is a goblin wrought blade."

"Yes." Sirius said shortly. "I was aware of that when I bought the bloody thing."

"Well, you know more about Goblin wrought silver than me. You know that they can absorb things that strengthen them. Some people soak their blades in dragon's blood to enchant them."

Calandra turned her arm over and ran a hand across where the scar should've been, impressed.

"This spell completely heals any wound from the goblin blade as long as the blade hasn't been soaked in something as strong as Nundu mucus or, I don't know, Manticore poison. You know, stuff like that."

Sirius pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He shook his head at Calandra as he took a long drag off it. He blew a lungful of smoke in the air as he sighed.

"That still doesn't explain why you're slicing yourself open." He motioned to her arm and sat on the bed.

Calandra sat next to him on the bed and tucked her leg under her. She plucked the cigarette from his fingers and inhaled. She wrinkled her nose as she blew smoke out and handed it back to him.

"I have to do something, Sirius." She said softly. "I can't go out with you, but I can help when you all come back injured. I can do that. I've been reading up on healing charms and counter curses to dark magic. I came across these and decided to try them out. I needed to see if I could do it, and I can."

Sirius waved his wand and vanished the cigarette. He blew smoke out of the corner of his mouth and held Calandra's hands in his. She traced her thumbs along his hands and gave him a smile.

"You're something else, Cal. You know that?" he asked.

Calandra rolled her eyes at him and leant in to kiss him. She pressed her lips to his and sank into the familiar taste of caramel and tobacco.

"You trying to seduce me, Black?" she asked.

"Always." Sirius grinned and leant back in to kiss her.

* * *

March 21, 1980

"I brought back the books you wanted." Sirius called out.

Calandra piled her hair up on the top of her head and stuck her wand in it. She helped him put the groceries away and sat at the table in front of the pile of books.

"Wonderful." She said. "Thanks so much."

She flipped open the first one and pulled a notepad forward. Sirius opened two bottles of beer and set one in front of her. She tucked her feet under her legs and leant over the book, refreshing her memory of healing potions.

She made notes and conjured bookmarks for different points she wanted to go back to. Sirius made sandwiches for them and sat next to her at the table. He pulled the notepad close to him and scanned the page.

"You know you don't have to do this." He said softly.

Calandra looked up and gave him a tired look.

"I do." She said. "This is all I can do. I have to do it."

"You do enough already." He said. "Those portraits have helped more than you know."

Calandra took a bite of her sandwich and stole a crisp off his plate.

"I'm glad they did." She said. "But I can't just paint portraits and hope for the best. If I can do something to help, but don't; well, that doesn't make me much better than them, does it?"

Sirius shook his head and smiled at her.

"One day." He said scooting his chair closer to her. "We won't worry about all this. One day, we'll go over to Prongs's or head to Fawcett's, and it won't be to patch people up or go over plans. It will just be for fun."

She leant over and kissed him on the nose.

"I look forward to it." She said and wound her arm through his. "But until then, we have to do what we can."

"Sirius!" a voice rang out from the counter.

Sirius jumped up and grabbed the hand mirror off of the counter. Calandra saw James Potter's concerned face staring out of it.

"Yeah, mate." Sirius said. "What's going on?"

"Have you heard?" James asked. "Has anyone contacted you?"

"Heard what?" Sirius's forehead wrinkled. "No one's contacted me."

James ran his hands through his hair and looked pained. Lily could be heard in the background speaking softly.

"Tell him, James. If he hasn't seen it in the Prophet, he will soon."

"Prongs." Sirius said. "Spit it out."

Sirius stalked over to the windowsill and picked up the bundle of post the owl left.

"Pads, floo on over to ours." James said. "I want to talk."

Sirius snapped the twine around the Prophet and shook it open.

"I've got the paper right here." He said scanning it. "What is it?"

Sirius was still scanning the pages. He read through the articles on the latest happenings in the wizard world and advertisements for magical transportation. Those were the sections he always read first. He read the paper for news to assist the Order, she read the obituaries to see if her friends were still alive.

Calandra stood beside him, looking at James. He had a sad distant look in his eyes. She knelt down and picked up the middle page of the Prophet and folded it back up. A name caught her eye and she froze.

"Let's go see what he wants." Calandra said in a small voice.

Sirius looked over at her and his eyes narrowed. His eyes dropped to the page in her hand and he reached for it. Calandra bit her lip.

"Mate, floo on over." James said. "Lily has Bolognese ready and waiting."

"Who was it?" Sirius asked unfolding the page.

"Pads." James said.

"Who was it?" Sirius asked again. "Was it Moony? Wormtail? Longbottom?"

Calandra laid a hand on his arm and turned the paper over. He read the name on the page and his face went white with shock. His mouth set itself into a firm line and his eyes turned to steel.

"Pads, I'm so sorry." James's voice seemed to echo throughout the room. "The Floo is open. Come on over."

Sirius nodded and set the mirror down. Calandra gently took the paper from his hands and folded it up. He just stood there, arms dangling at his sides, eyes lost. Calandra laid a hand on his arm and he stared down at it.

"I'm sorry, Sirius." She said. "I'm so sorry."

Sirius shook his head and made a horrible face; something between a smile and a grimace. He shrugged his shoulders and turned away from Calandra.

"I got what I wanted." He said gruffly. "It didn't come down to me facing him in a duel. It wasn't me."

Calandra didn't know what to say. She looked at him helplessly as he withdrew into himself. Her throat felt thick and she blinked back tears. He stood there at the window, staring out of it, searching for something in the whirl of snow. Calandra picked his jacket up off the chair and pulled two bottles of Odgen's and a jug of Rosemerta's mead from under the counter.

She steered Sirius toward the fireplace and tossed in the floo powder. She studied Sirius's face as the flames licked up around them. She didn't know what this would do to him; his relationship with Regulus was so complicated. But she knew he needed his brother.


	42. Chapter 42

April 18, 1980

Sirius spent a lot of time at the Potters' house after the news of Regulus's death. They almost always had dinner with James and Lily. On the surface, he was the same as always; joking around, poking fun at his friends, and just generally being himself. But Calandra knew the news hit him hard. He'd come home some nights and just sit at the table, eyes locked on the paper. Calandra would wake up in the middle of the night to find Sirius standing at the bureau, staring down at something inside his mahogany box.

James talked with Calandra about a month after they'd heard the news. She'd stopped by the Potters' to get the keys to Sirius's motorbike. James sat down at the kitchen table with her and filled her in on all the details he'd found out.

"One of the portraits told them." James said. "They overheard Walburga meeting with someone from the Magical Accidents Department. In the Missing Persons Office. Apparently, there's a tapestry they have. Family tree or whatever."

Calandra nodded.

"Well. Up until late November last year it only read with his birth year. Walburga said he left home one day and never came back. The tapestry read 1960-1979 after that."

"What happened?" Calandra asked. "Most of the Order don't curse to kill when they go out. Moody doesn't either."

"It wasn't us." James said. "Fenwick and Vance overheard some rumors when they were at the Hogshead that he wanted out. They think it was one of the Mulciber brothers talking, weren't sure. Said that Regulus hadn't been living up to expectations. He didn't show up for a meeting and You-Know-Who didn't seem to care."

"You think he killed him?" Calandra asked.

James shook his head.

"I doubt he was high up enough for You-Know-Who to personally take care of. He was barely eighteen."

Calandra sighed.

"He was just a kid." She said.

"I don't think either of them ever got to be just kids." James said.

"He told me that he got what he wanted." Calandra said, staring off into the distance. "That it didn't come down to him having to kill Regulus."

"That wouldn't have happened." James said.

"I know." Calandra said. "I don't think he could've killed him."

"No. It's not that." James shook his head. "Why do you think we always go out together?"

Calandra looked at him curiously.

"I'd never let him do that." James said quietly. "He'd never survive it if it came down to him having to kill Regulus."

"You'd do that for him?" Calandra raised her eyebrows.

"You wouldn't?" James mirrored her look.

"I would." Calandra admitted. "He'd hate me for it, though."

"Better him hate us than himself." James said and got up.

He plucked Sirius's keys out of a little dish on the counter and tossed them to Calandra.

"It'll take time, Cals." James said. "But we're getting him through it."

Calandra ruffled his hair and headed back home.

* * *

April 24, 1980

Alice had asked her to come over that next week; she was decorating the nursery and had asked Calandra to paint a mural. Calandra left Sirius with James and Peter at the Potters' and flood to the Longbottom's. Alice was waiting when she got there, in an ancient dressing gown and gardening gloves.

"That's a fetching ensemble." Calandra said as she stepped though the fireplace.

Alice looked down at herself and rolled her eyes.

"None of my trousers fit me anymore." She said. "I'm stuck in robes or pajamas."

"I'll buy you some new ones." Calandra said, kissing her cheek. "What's got you elbows deep in dirt?"

"I'm taking care of some starts that we're going to try to use with the Order." She said. "I've got Venomous Tentacula and Mugwort and some others. I figure we've got a potion's prefect, why not use her?"

Calandra laughed and murmured her agreement.

"Well," she said gesturing down the hall. "You ready to get started?"

"Almost." Alice said. "I've still got to water the rest of them."

A loud sound came from the fireplace and they turned to see Alastair Moody's face in the flames.

"You go take that." Calandra said. "I'll water the plants. Which ones haven't you done?"

"The ones in the red pots." Alice said, kneeling in front of the fireplace.

Calandra went down the hall and onto the screened in porch. She got the watering can from the old bench there and poured it over the small plants. She peered at the little white flowers on some of the stems. They looked vaguely like baby's breath.

The water soaked into the dirt and Calandra leant over the pots to reach the others a bit further back. She was almost finished when a sharp pain in her side made her catch her breath. She clutched her ribs and set the watering can down.

Calandra looked down to find small holes singed in her shirt. When she pulled her hands away blisters glistened on the skin of her stomach and chest. A faint hissing sound hummed in her ears and all of a sudden Calandra's hands, chest, and neck burned.

She stepped back, not knowing what was happening and fumbled with the door. Her vision was getting hazy and some sickly-sweet scent was clouding her mind. She stumbled down the hall toward the living room, holding onto the walls for support. She felt like she'd downed an entire bottle of vodka.

Alice appeared in her line of vision and Calandra had to blink rapidly to keep from seeing double. Alice's voice sounded far away and distant when she spoke.

"Oh, no!" Alice cried. "I didn't think the Hissing Hemlock were old enough to spit yet."

She grabbed Calandra and led her to the kitchen. Alice rooted around in her cupboards and Calandra collapsed into a chair. She leant back and tried to focus her vision. Alice came over and shoved something down her throat. Calandra swallowed against the intrusion and choked down the object.

Alice sat in front of her and dipped a knife in dittany before slicing through the blisters. Calandra's vision started to return to normal and the pain from the blisters faded away. She sighed as Alice dabbed dittany on the tender skin where the plant's poison had burned her.

"I'm sorry, Callie." Alice said. "I didn't even warn you. I never thought they'd be ready this early."

"S'ok." Calandra said. "What were they?"

"Hissing Hemlock." Alice said. "The roots of them are great for potions, but the flowers spit poison when they're disturbed."

"How do you usually water them?" Calandra asked.

"Usually at this age they're not dangerous. When they start spitting, I wear a dragon hide apron and charm them to sleep."

"You shouldn't have those here. Not in your condition." Calandra admonished.

Alice levitated a cup of tea to Calandra and sat beside her.

"Drink up, then we'll get you home." She said.

"Wait." Calandra said. "We haven't painted the nursery. You haven't even told me what you want?"

"I'm not asking you to paint the nursery after my flowers tried to kill you." Alice laughed. "Go home and rest and we'll do it another day."

"Nonsense." Calandra stood up. "I'm fine. Just a little plant juice. I'm right as rain."

"A right pain, more like." Alice muttered under her breath.

"What was that?" Calandra said walking past her. "You admire my brain. Thanks Alice. I think you're pretty clever yourself."

Alice rolled her eyes and followed Calandra out of the kitchen.

"Why do I put up with you?" Alice asked as they walked down the hall.

"Because you love me." Calandra said and studied the room. "And you've never held a paintbrush in your life. You need my artistic capabilities."

Alice smiled at her and spread her arms out.

"Alright Oh Artistic One. Show me some magic."

* * *

April 24, 1980

They sat on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, and gazed at the wall. Alice sighed and leant her head on Calandra's shoulder. Calandra smiled and scanned the mural.

"It's perfect." Alice sighed.

"Turned out pretty well." Calandra said.

"It turned out better than that." Alice said. "You've really got a gift, Callie."

"It's just a bit of paint, Alice." Calandra said. "You could do it if you tried."

"No." Alice contradicted. "I'm sure I could learn how to paint, but I couldn't do this. You just make everything…come alive."

Calandra looked back to the painting and smiled. It was beautiful. Flutterby bushes shimmered in one corner. Puff pods of blue and yellow and green lined the floor; their fluffy puff balls bouncing up and landing back down on upturned leaves. Bottlebrushes and bulrushes swayed in the other corner. Sprouts of all different kinds of plants popped up and bloomed before their eyes. It was the perfect painting for Alice's baby.

"How are you feeling?" Alice asked.

"I'm fine. No harm done." Calandra said. "I'm glad I stayed."

She nodded toward the wall.

"Me too." Alice said. "Sometimes I miss when it was just the two of us. I know you weren't the happiest you could've been, but it was nice having you here with me."

"It was wasn't it?" Calandra agreed. "It was like being back at school, but without all the rules."

"You reckon our wall art is still there?" Alice asked with a giggle.

"I don't know." Calandra said. "I'd imagine they got the elves to take care of it."

"I kind of wish they'd just leave it, don't you?"

"Yeah." Calandra said. "Yeah, I do."

* * *

_May 3, 1980_

_**Do you think I could convince Frank to run out and get me some Jelly Buttons?** _

_Alice, everything is closed._

_**Sometimes Mr. Flume stays open late.** _

_Not this late._

_**Well, you never know.** _

_Alice, it's two in the fucking morning. Why do you need Jelly Buttons?_

_**I don't know, I just woke up wanting it. What are you doing up this late** _ _?_

_Do you really want to know?_

_**Ooh, yes. Do tell! I've been so sick these past few weeks I've barely held Frank's hand, let alone hi-** _

_NO! DO NOT WRITE THAT DOWN! STOP IT!_

_**You're supposed to be my friend. You know, be supportive and all that.** _

_I'm writing you at two in the morning Alice. All because you want Jelly Buttons._

_**It's a craving. I don't control it.** _

_So, the baby wants Jelly Buttons. That's what you're saying._

_**Yes! Frank can't say no to the baby, can he?** _

_Let that poor man sleep, Alice. I've got some in the kitchen. I'll owl them over._

_**Thanks Callie! You're the best!** _

_Yeah Yeah! Eat your candy then go get laid. Stop waking me up at all hours of the night._

_**You were already awake.** _

_Love you, Alice._

_**Love you, Callie.** _

* * *

June 20, 1980

There was no way she’d let Alice be the one to come today. Auror or not, she refused to let her out in her condition. Alice had fought tooth and nail to go, saying that she had a job to do and her maternity leave didn’t start for another three days. But Frank was on Calandra’s side. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, Frank begged her to stay home, but she refused. Now that she was farther along, he worried constantly. Between the two of them, they convinced her to stay home this one time. Alice glared at them both and made her swear that she’d never do this again. That she’d never go in her place.

They’d gone over the plan twelve times or more. Frank was pretty confident that none of the Death Eaters would be around. They had a lead that put most of them towards the east mountains. They had someone tailing her father and he’d cast about ten charms on her, protecting her from the most common types of tracing magic. Hopefully, she wouldn’t need them. With any luck, the Polyjuice potion would muddle however her father traced her enough so that he couldn’t find her tonight. She’d be fine. She had an emergency portkey and could use it anywhere, not that it had helped all that much last time.

She took a breath. She’d do this for Alice and go home. Alice and Frank were in enough danger.

She pulled the collar of her jacket up and thought back to the last time she’d gone on a mission like this. To pick something up. Her hands still had tremors, they told her they might never leave. She shivered and made her way into the shop. She looked around. This was a muggle shop, but there was a wizard somewhere in the crowd who would pass off the vial. She had no idea what was in the vial and she didn’t ask.

Look for a purple scarf. Purple scarf. A man in a purple scarf.

She skirted past a couple of middle-aged women talking about Tupperware and weaved through the crowd. Lots of light jackets and a few knit caps, but no sight of the purple scarf. She smiled at a young lady who bumped into her and offered an apology and checked her watch.

7:15. She only had fifteen minutes to get the vial and get out.

She scanned the room again. Purple scarf, purple scarf, purple scarf. There!

A middle-aged man in a trench coat and purple scarf. His eyes scanned the crowd and she made a bee line for him. She saw the minute his eyes clocked her, and he stepped towards the wall where a display of microwaves was. She walked up to one of them and peered at the display, glancing over at the man. She shook her wand out of her sleeve to where he could just barely make it out and gave the signal. Dropping a coin. He picked up the coin and handed it back to her and she could feel something else being pressed into her hand.

“Thanks.” she muttered and turned to leave.

She was stopped by a young salesman on her way towards the door offering her a promotional price on something in the store. She excused herself as inconspicuously as she could and headed out. She stepped out onto the windy street and walked to the end of the street. The nearest apparition point was about a block away. She headed down the side street closest to her destination. One hand clutched the vial in her pocket and the other clutched her wand still hidden in her sleeve.

She was half a block away when she heard “Crucio” and dropped to the pavement.

She was on fire again. Searing pain shot through her body as she writhed on the ground. Calandra screamed, her voice echoing in her ears.

“You thought the Dark Lord didn’t know of your plans?” she heard a man’s voice say.

A woman cackled and her voice sang as she repeated the curse over and over.

The brief seconds in between the pain made it a thousand times worse. She had to think, had to get out.

“Crucio.”

Pain. Horrible pain.

One second of freedom.

_Leave_

“Crucio.”

Fire. Burning, scorching fire.

Another brief respite.

_Had to leave._

The man was saying something to the woman. He was shaking his head at her.

“Crucio.”

Agony. Absolute agony.

During the third lull she finally remembered.

_Portkey_

“Crucio.”

Lightning. Buzzing and electrocuting her veins.

Her hand shook as she reached for the bottom button on her jacket. Her fingers touched the button and she felt herself being jerked away, the woman’s laughter ringing in her ears, the man admonishing her for playing when they had a job to do.

She lay panting. Calandra looked over and she was by the ocean, on a beach somewhere. She couldn’t remember where the portkey took her, but it got her away from them, so she couldn’t bring herself to care. She looked up at the stars.

She had to get back. They’d send someone after her if she didn’t get back. She couldn’t let that happen. She staggered to her feet and spun. 

She stumbled up the hill to the Longbottom’s house and knocked on the door. Frank met her there and trained his wand on her.

“What did you tell me when I asked you what to give Alice for Christmas her seventh year at school?”

“A proper snog.” she choked out a laugh and collapsed into his arms.

“They knew. They were there.” She trembled in his hands.

She heard footsteps come up the hall.

“Calandra! Callie! You’re back. …What happened?” Alice pulled Frank away and wrapped her arms around her friend.

“I knew I should never have let you go. I’ll never forgive you for this. Either of you.” she scolded them.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…I just, need a minute to get a grip on myself.” Calandra said, shaking.

Frank conjured steaming mugs of tea and nudged one in her hand.

“You’re safe here.” he said soothingly. “Take your time. You’re safe. They can’t get you here.”

She sipped the tea slowly as Alice’s hands stroked her hair. She could feel the effects of the potion wearing off. When she had drank half the tea in her cup, she told them what happened.

Her voice was unfamiliar to her ears as she recounted the events of the night.

“Must’ve been Lestrange. She’s been sighted with the others at multiple muggle killings.” Frank said. “The other could’ve been Lucius Malfoy, but he hasn’t been sighted with any of them. I still say he’s working with them, but from behind the scenes somehow…must not want to get his hands dirty.”

She shrugged. She never saw their faces, so she really couldn’t say. She explained how she got away and Frank chuckled.

“Dumbledore’s an old fool if he’s never tried to recruit you to the Order. Look at the last time you went out; stunning three Death Eaters wandlessly, using occlumency, keeping a level head while they tortured you then, and portkeying out in the middle of it tonight…well damn.”

“He’s never asked, and I haven’t volunteered yet.” she said stubbornly. “My father has ways of finding me. We found that out the hard way, and we all know which side of this he’d be on. If he knew what all I could do he’d have already found me and taken me straight to Voldemort. He told me he already told him what I am.”

“I know,” Frank said as Alice shot him a look “I just…”

He trailed off and looked at his wife.

Calandra sat up and leaned against their sofa.

“It won’t be forever. I’ve already decided to join when I figure out how my father keeps finding ways to contact me. I’ve gotten rid of everything that came from the house and everything he ever gave me. I’ll find the connection and sever it, then I can join without worrying about being a liability.”

She set her mug down and pulled her coat around herself. She felt a lump in her pocket and she suddenly remembered.

“Oh, here. I almost forgot.” She held out the vial.

Frank stared at it then burst out laughing as he took it from her.

“Of course, you bloody well have it. Don’t know what else I expected.”

He shook his head and left the room chuckling.

Calandra smiled to herself. At least she brought it back to them. She looked up at Alice to see her friend staring at her with tears streaming down her face.

“Hey,” she said scooting over to where Alice knelt. “Its O-

“Don’t you dare say it’s ok,” Alice choked out. “Don’t you dare.”

There was fire behind those amber eyes as Alice swallowed and continued.

“You were tortured, Callie.” She whispered.

Calandra stared at her, her eyes pricking with tears she wouldn’t let fall.

“For me.” Alice whispered.

“No!” Calandra said taking hold of Alice’s hand. “No. You can’t blame yourself for this. I volunteered for this. I knew what could happen.”

Her voice was fierce, and she grabbed hold of her friend’s shoulders.

“Look at me.” Calandra searched Alice’s eyes as she spoke. “This is not your fault.”

Alice started to shake her head

“Listen to me.” Calandra said, impassioned. “Even if I knew for a fact that I would’ve been Crucioed going into tonight, I would have still done it. I would’ve marched right up to them and told them to do their worst to keep you from it.”

She wiped a tear away from her friend’s eye and said softly, “And I know you would do the same, even though you have so much more to lose than I do.”

The young witch sniffed.

“No more of this, ok? No more apologies, no more regrets, no more guilt. We’re doing what we can to make this world a better place. For this little one.” she nudged Alice’s stomach.

Alice let out a half laugh, half sob. “I love you. I was so worried.”

“You know it’ll take more than a few Death Eaters to get rid of me, you dolt.” Calandra grinned.

“You better not go looking for more trouble,” Alice wagged a finger in Calandra’s face as she wiped her tears with her other hand. “The baby needs a godmother who’s all in one piece.”

“Yeah, yeah mum-wait, what?” Calandra’s mouth dropped in surprise.

“Well, who else did you think I’d ask? Frank’s mum?” Alice giggled, then sobered. “But really. Frank and I have jobs that can be quite dangerous, especially now. I know that you’d love our child like they're your own….that is, if you want….”

The rest of her words were muffled as she was gathered in a bone crushing hug.

“Of course. Of course. Of course I’ll be godmother. I love you, Alice.”

“Well, I guess you told her,” Frank smirked at the two women from the doorway to the kitchen. “We truly couldn’t think of anyone we’d rather have.”

The striking of the clock broke the happy atmosphere and Calandra jumped up.

“I have to get going. I didn’t realize how late it was,” she said reaching for her wand and her bag she left before she went out as Alice earlier.

“You know you’re welcome to stay the night.” Alice said as Frank helped her up.

“I know, but I really have to go.” she kissed her cheek and hugged Frank. “I’ll see you guys later, probably next week.”

Alice wrapped the scarf tighter around Calandra neck and said, “Don’t forget to-”

“Let you know when I make it home.” Calandra finished, “I know, I’ll write as soon as I get home. If the journal doesn’t glow within half an hour send someone after me. I love you! Bye.”

“Bye,” Alice called as Calandra swirled through the fireplace.

* * *

June 20, 1980

Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table when she stepped through the floo. She dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her shoes. Sirius didn’t say a word as she walked toward him. Calandra reached a hand toward him when she got close enough.

“Don’t.” he said quietly. “Just don’t. Please.”

Calandra pulled her hand back and shifted her feet.

“You went out for her.” He said.

Calandra opened her mouth but was silenced by the look her gave her.

“What was Longbottom thinking? This wasn’t just for the Order. That was Auror business.” Sirius said. “Don’t bother trying to deny it. Your eyes are still brown and you’re three inches shorter than normal.”

“I wasn’t going to deny it.” Calandra said.

“Do you have any idea the danger you put yourself in tonight?” he stared at the table.

“Of course.” Calandra replied. “Why do you think I went?”

“Oh, so you went specifically for the danger.” Sirius said condescendingly. “That’s rich.”

“You’re one to talk.” Calandra retorted. “Don’t pretend like you don’t love the thrill of it all when you have to go out.”

“I don’t!” Sirius said, looking up at her. “Not anymore! Not when I always wonder what’s going to happen to you.”

Calandra pulled his chair out from the table and knelt in front of him.

“Sirius. Look at me.” She said. “I couldn’t let Alice go. Think of what you’d do, if it were James.”

Sirius didn’t meet her eyes.

“We used as many masking spells as we knew. I polyjuiced. We even left some of my things and traces of my magic as a decoy about five hundred miles away. I didn’t just rush into it.”

He finally looked at her. The emotion in his eyes took her breath away.

“I couldn’t let her go.” Calandra repeated. “She’s pregnant, Sirius. What if something happened to her? To the baby?”

Sirius lifted a hand and stroked her cheek.

“What if something happened to you?” he said. “I can’t… Cal…I won’t….”

“I’m fine.” Calandra said. “Sirius, please listen.”

She grabbed his hands and held them in her own.

“I didn’t do this because I feel cooped up or because I wanted out of the flat. I did this for Alice. Her maternity leave starts in a few days, I won’t need to do it again.” She said.

“Why didn’t you call for me?” he asked. “I would’ve gone. I would’ve done it.”

Calandra’s heart squeezed.

“I know you would’ve.” She said. “That’s why I didn’t.”

“I know what could’ve happened.” Calandra said. “But I’m fine. I’m here. Alice is safe. I’m safe, with you, and that’s as much as I’m willing to ask for right now.”

Sirius’s hands reached up and cradled her face. He leant forward and kissed her. Calandra twined her arms around his neck as he picked her up. One day, there would be more, she promised herself. One day she’d ask for more than their safety. But for now, it was all she wanted.


	43. Chapter 43

July 17, 1980

Calandra flipped through a photo album on the table by the couch. She'd seen many of the pictures before; photos of James in school. She was even in some of them. She flipped through pictures of him and his friends playing quidditch and flying their brooms over water.

The pages grew less organized as Calandra flipped through the book. Polaroids were stuck to the page haphazardly, little scribbles written along their white bottoms. Calandra peered down at the page, watching as Remus and James herded cats toward a sleeping Sirius.

She remembered these photos. It was the end of fourth year and Peter had just gotten a new camera. He took photos of everything. Mary had gone to find her cat and James overheard Alice tell her to check the seventh floor because she'd seen the elves feeding a bunch of the felines up there. A few bits of salmon later, and James and Remus had coaxed about twelve cats to perch on and around Sirius.

Calandra smiled at the memory and flipped the page. She looked up, startled when she heard a noise coming from the fireplace. She grabbed her wand and sat silently, waiting for more noise. Suddenly, the fireplace glowed green and flames filled the space.

James stumbled through the fireplace and collapsed on the sofa next to Calandra. His arm was bloody, and he cradled his wrist close to his body. His face was scratched all to pieces, his glasses cracked, and his eye swollen and black.

"Thank Merlin you're still here." He said. "Pads said you'd be here for a bit; he's with Lily right now."

Calandra gingerly pushed his hair back from his face and examined the scratches.

"What on earth did you get into, James?" she asked, waving her wand over his face to cleanse and close the scrapes.

"Death Eater trap." He said with a grimace as she leaned him back on the sofa.

Calandra vanished his jumper and peered at his arm. It had a pretty decent gash, but it wasn't anything she couldn't fix. She summoned the box of healing supplies she knew the Potter's kept in the kitchen. She dug around in it until she found murtlap essence and rolls of bandages. Calandra set to work, closing the wound while she soaked the bandages in the healing liquid.

"I was meeting with Diggle in Hogsmeade." James said as she healed the worst of his injuries. "I bought a great lot of invisibility cloaks for Moody to pass out. We were supposed to meet at the edge of the village, near the apparition point, but a few Death Eaters had gotten there first. They cursed the area around the apparition point to explode when someone without a dark mark approached."

Calandra shook her head, horrified.

"We're lucky no one really uses that apparition point. The one beside Rosemerta's is much more convenient."

"The apparition points are a waste of time if you ask me." Calandra said. "If Death Eater's show up everyone funnels to one spot. It makes no sense."

"Yeah, well the Ministry only listens to so much." He said. "Maybe now they'll give up on the idea."

He gestured to his injuries.

"Oh, James." Calandra said. "I'm so sorry."

He waved her off.

"You're making me right as rain. Diggle is checking the rest of them." He shrugged. "No real harm done; just a few scrapes. I've had worse than this at school."

Calandra smiled and shook her head, wrapping a bandage around his arm.

"I remember." She said.

"You taking a little stroll down memory lane?" he nodded towards the open photo album.

"Yeah." She said. "You don't mind, do you? It was already laid out on the table."

James rolled his eyes.

"You're in half the pictures, Cals. I don't care if you go looking through them. It's not as if I'd keep naughty pictures out on the coffee table."

He glanced at the page she'd been looking at.

"You could've jumped ahead a bit, though. I'm much better about two years down the road."

He winked at her and she laughed.

"Do you mean your looks or your personality?" she asked.

"Ouch!" James laughed, then shook his head. "Both. I was a right prat there for a bit."

Calandra watched as regret flickered briefly across his eyes.

"What changed?" she asked.

"Sometimes someone makes you want to be a better person." He said wistfully. "It just takes something to open your eyes."

"What did he do?" Calandra asked.

James's eyes shot up to hers. He studied her, a bemused expression on his face.

"I know it was him." She said. "What did he do?"

James shook his head and sat the picture down on the couch.

"He left home." He said. "Or, he came home, is how I always think of it."

Calandra nodded and continued wrapping the material around his elbow, waiting for him to continue.

"You saw him that day." James said. "You saw the look in his eyes. Well, it was ten times worse when he first showed up. It was like he was dead inside."

James shook his head and frowned at the floor.

"I've seen him look a lot of different ways, Cals, but never like that. It was like he was a shell; like something had sucked all the life right out of him."

James gave her a rueful smile.

"He didn't need a prat of a mate to get him into trouble and help him break the rules. He needed a brother."

Calandra watched his face soften and felt some of the tension leave his body.

"Someone to be there. Someone to show him kindness and compassion and everything he never got."

Calandra waved her wand over the bandage on James's arm and sat back on the couch. She rolled up his other shirt sleeve and set to work healing his hand.

"I always wanted a brother." James said wistfully. "I kind of considered Sirius my brother since about second year, but never really said it out loud. He had Regulus. But when he left, I knew. I knew that whatever had happened, had been enough to make him leave him. I knew he'd lost Regulus. And I knew that he needed a brother; one who would always have his back. One who would always be there."

"We still got into scrapes, but that was the start of it. I started thinking about who I was. Wondering if I was doing good enough to have him call me his brother."

He laughed to himself.

"Mum sat me down that Christmas and told me what it really meant to be an older brother. Even though Sirius was older than me. Told me it was a privilege I shouldn't take lightly."

He met her gaze.

"And I didn't."

Calandra smiled at him and squeezed his good hand.

"How'd you know?" James looked at her curiously. "Everyone thinks it was Lily. Even Remus and Pete."

Calandra raised her eyebrows.

"If it was because of her you'd have stopped what you were doing that day by the lake." Calandra said.

James bit his lip and looked a bit shamefaced.

"But it's more than that." She said, softly. "Sirius loves you more than anything on the face of this earth. More than his parents, more than Remus or Peter, more than me."

James opened his mouth to object, but Calandra held up a hand.

"He does." She said. "I'm perfectly fine with that. I know I'm a close second. And if you're honest with yourself you probably love him a little bit more than you love Lily."

"It's just different." James said. "I don't want to shag Pads."

"You should." Calandra laughed. "He's a great shag."

"He loves you, Cals." James said intently. "He does. He loves you so much."

"I know, James." Calandra said. "I know that. That's what I was getting to before. Sirius loves you, more than anything, and I know you feel the same about him. He might have left on his own, but he came to you a bit shattered and cast out and you opened up yourself and said take what you want. Not just your home, but you. You offered him safety and love and kindness."

Calandra swallowed and continued.

"He might've gone back." She said. "He might've gone back. If you had not welcomed him in, shown him what it truly means to be a family, he might've gone right back. But he didn't. You both grew up a bit and started improving yourselves. You can pretend like you did it for Lily. Sirius can pretend like he did it to distance himself from his family."

"But you did it for each other. You both wanted to be the brother that the other deserved."

"When I look at the two of you." Calandra eyes focused on something in the distance. "I count myself so lucky that I get some of that. I know he loves me, but even if he only loved me half as much as he cares about you it would be more than I deserve."

"You're wrong." James said softly. "Not about me loving Pads or him loving me or any of that mush."

He reached over and lay a hand on her knee.

"He loves you just as much. That day in the alley he begged me to stay to help look for you. Every other time he's told me to go on. He's stepped in front of Death Eaters for me before and I know he'll probably do it again. But that day, he didn't tell me to leave. He asked me to stay. To find you."

Calandra felt her heart thud loudly in her chest. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and patted James's hand.

"You're a great brother, James." She said.

He smiled a devastating smile at her, and Calandra found herself wondering, not for the first time, what on earth she'd done to deserve the presence of James Potter in her life.

* * *

July 24, 1980

_**Callie, Frank is probably going to write to you and tell you I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I AM NOT CRAZY.** _

_Why does he think you're crazy?_

_**We just had a huge row over whether we should get a cat or a dog. I cried on him, Callie. I don't even want a pet. Neither does he. What is wrong with us?** _

_Nothing, Alice. You're pregnant. It's normal to be emotional._

_**No one ever said it would be like this. I'm sick all the time, I have to pee all the time, I fall asleep in the middle of meetings.** _

_You'll have to tough it out for a few more months. Come on! Buck up and show this kid whose boss. Babies can smell weakness, Alice!_

_**He gets this from you.** _

_Who?_

_**The baby.** _

_He? You know it's a boy!? When did you find out?_

_**Just this week. We went to the muggle doctor and they showed us a scan. Frank read about it in a book.** _

_I'm so excited! Was it Babies: Everything you Need To Know? I read about it, too. I was going to tell you at dinner._

_**Why are you reading that-** _

_**Callie! Are you pregnant?** _

_No! Of course not! Unlike some, I take a potion and use a contraceptive charm faithfully. I was reading it because my best friend is having a baby, of course._

_**I almost peed on myself Callie. You can't do stuff like that. I have to go to the loo. Come over around seven. XOXOXOXO** _

_XOXOXOXOXO_

* * *

July 28, 1980

Calandra cleared her throat and ran a hand along her neck. Her throat was tingling again. She sighed and leant against the counter. It had been a while since this happened. She'd hoped that whatever it was, had just been a fluke. But apparently it wasn't just a fluke.

She set her tea down and reached for a bottle of tequila. Alcohol usually numbed it. She tilted the glass up and grimaced as the familiar heat worked its way down her chest. She had no idea what to do about the feeling. She was sure it had something to do with the Siren in her, but she didn't have a clue what it meant. It did no good to let her mind linger on it now. There were more important matters at hand.

She swigged another mouthful down and looked over the items spread out on the table. Occamy skin lay folded over on itself, bottles of Acromantula venom held down patterns of cloaks. Bundles of thunderbird feathers and bits of unicorn horn lay with Demiguise fur and dragon scales.

She and Sirius had been working on magical cloaks for the Order of the Phoenix. They'd soaked Occamy skin in a mixture of crushed unicorn horn and dragon's blood and were testing out the effects on the cloaks ability to shrink or expand to fit the wearer. The cloaks they'd made with the thunderbird feathers proved very useful. They hummed and vibrated when the wearer was in danger, but the humming was too loud to use stealthily. They were working on silencing charms for all of them.

Calandra sat down and ran her hands through her hair. She pulled a parchment forward and read over the notes they'd made. The tingling in her throat persisted and she tried to wash it away with the alcohol. She pulled the latest copy of Magical Beasts out of the box of books on the floor and flipped through it. Calandra read until the words started swimming together on the page. She took another drink and laid her head down on the table.

Sirius found her like that when he came home. Hair fanned out over the magical materials; book still propped up in front of her. He shrugged his jacket off and picked Calandra up. She woke just enough to wrap her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed, then was asleep again almost before her head hit the pillow.


	44. Chapter 44

July 30, 1980

Calandra sat in the living room of the Longbottom's bouncing her leg nervously. The midwife had assured her it wouldn't be too much longer. She glanced at the clock on the mantle and winced. It had been hours. Couldn't they do something? She felt so useless. She didn't have the first inkling about childbirth, but Alice had asked her to be here, so here she was.

Frank stuck his head out of the bedroom door and called for her. She ran down the hall.

"She's asking for you." Frank said. He looked weary and a bit shell shocked.

Calandra followed him into the room and looked around, surprised. The room had been extended and a metal bed had been placed against the wall. Alice sat on it, panting. A table with water spigots stood by the bed and a long counter had been placed against one wall. On it, Calandra saw a number of medical tools; some muggle, some magic, as well as a pile of neatly folded towels and blankets.

"Callie!" Alice gasped from the bed.

Calandra rushed over to her and grabbed her hand. Frank stood on Alice's other side. The midwife stood at the foot of the bed, patting Alice's knee soothingly.

"I can't do this." Alice said desperately to Calandra. "I have no idea how to be a Mum."

"Yes, you do!" Calandra said. "Alice, you've been taking care of me for years. You're a perfect Mum. You're going to be so wonderful."

"Yes, love! You're doing marvelous." Frank echoed from his side of the bed.

"What if I mess up?" Alice's eyes welled with tears. "What if the baby grows up to hate me? What if-"

"No!" Calandra cut her off. "You can do this. You're going to have this baby and you're going to be the best Mum anyone has ever seen. This little guy is going to absolutely adore you."

Alice nodded and swallowed.

"I'll make sure of it." Calandra said resolutely. "I'm his godmother, you know."

Alice laughed and winced in pain. She gripped Calandra's hand so hard the young witch thought it would break. Calandra looked over to Frank to find him grimacing as Alice gripped his hand, too.

"Alright now, love." The midwife said from the foot of the bed. "It's time to push. You'll meet your young man soon enough now."

* * *

July 30, 1980

Calandra had never seen anything like it before. She held Alice's hand for dear life as the midwife gave Alice directions on when to breathe and when to push. Alice was incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Calandra looked to Frank and she imagined she wore the same look he had on his face. One of absolute awe. Alice gripped their hands and grit her teeth. The midwife gave her encouragement and all of a sudden Alice's face shone with relief. Calandra couldn't tear her eyes away from her friend.

A small cry rang out through the room and the midwife placed a baby wrapped in a blanket in Alice's arms. Calandra backed away from the bed as the midwife walked around to check on Alice. Frank wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulders and placed a hand atop the baby's head. He blinked rapidly and Calandra saw tears on his cheeks.

"You were marvelous. I love you so much. I love both of you so much." Frank said, placing a kiss on Alice's forehead, then another on the top of the baby's head.

Alice looked up at her husband and burst into tears. She smiled and stared down at the bundle in her arms with wonder.

"We have a baby!" she said unbelievingly.

Calandra's heart clenched at the sight of the three of them. Their own little family. She felt tears in her eyes and knew that, even though she was over the moon with excitement and love for Alice, some of her tears weren't out of happiness for her best friend. Some of them were tears for what she knew she'd never have.

* * *

July 30, 1980

Calandra cradled the bundle in her arms. She stared down at the small little hands scrunched up beside his perfect little face. Alice beamed at her, exhaustedly from the bed. Calandra reached over with her free arm and grasped Alice's hand.

"He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She whispered.

"He is, isn't he?" Alice smiled.

Calandra smoothed Neville's tufty hair back from his forehead. He wriggled down in the blankets and let out a little baby sigh. She rocked him gently, leaning her head down to graze the top of his head with her lips. She breathed in his baby smell and felt her heart melt. She stared down, lost to everything in the world but the tiny boy.

A small whiffling snore jolted her out of her reverie. Calandra looked over and found Alice sleeping soundly, propped up against her pillows. The poor thing was exhausted. Calandra settled herself back in the chair and went back to studying Neville.

"It's just you and me, little chap." She whispered. "Mummy's off to dreamland."

Neville stared up at her with dark hazel eyes. She ran a finger down his cheek and was rewarded with a little baby smile, a dimple playing at the corner of his tiny mouth. Neville let out a gurgle and wriggled in her arms again. Calandra stood and swayed with him.

"I love you, Neville." She whispered. "Aunt Callie loves you, so much."

She had no idea how long she stood there, rocking the bundle in her arms. She got lost in him. In a thousand little ways. The way he yawned and stretched his tiny arms. The way his eyelashes sat against his cheeks when he closed his eyes. The little baby sounds he made in his sleep. Calandra swayed to an unheard rhythm as she memorized every detail of her godson. The rest of the world faded away as she drank him in.

When Frank came in to take Neville from her, her heart squeezed as she handed him off. She could've stayed that way, with him in her arms for weeks, months, or years. She dropped a kiss to Neville's forehead and brushed Frank's cheek, telling him to let Alice know she'd be back. She kissed her friend's sleeping head and let herself out of the house.

* * *

July 31, 1980

Calandra collapsed into bed as soon as she got back home. She was absolutely knackered. She could only imagine how Alice felt, the poor thing was the one who'd done all the work. Calandra slept like the dead. She woke around eight in the evening, to a note from Sirius saying he was going to James's.

She knew he had gone to the Potter's earlier that day, she vaguely remembered him speaking to her and kissing her goodbye. He had wanted to talk to James about something, but it should not have taken this long. Calandra was starting to get worried about him. She paced the kitchen, glancing at the clock on the wall every few minutes.

She jumped when the floo roared to life and Sirius's face shown in the flames.

She knelt down on the hearth and peered at his face.

"Are you ok?" She asked, quickly. "What's going on?"

Sirius's face broke into a huge smile.

"Floo on over to Prongs's." he said. "I'm still here."

She grabbed her bag and waited until his face was gone from the fireplace and tossed the floo powder in. She stepped out of the fireplace at the Potter's and was immediately scooped into a crushing hug. James Potter swung her around before setting her back on her feet.

She looked confusedly around for Sirius. Lily was propped up on pillows on the sofa looking over to her right with a tender smile on her face. Calandra followed her gaze and found herself looking at Sirius. More specifically, a beaming Sirius with a small bundle of blankets held carefully in his arms.

Calandra took a step toward him and Sirius looked up from where he stared into the blankets. He laughed and tilted the little bundle up to where she could see a tuft of jet-black hair.

"I'd like to introduce you to Calandra, Harry." Sirius said, leaning his head down to the baby's head. "She's the fittest bird you'll ever lay eyes on."

She smiled down at the sleeping baby and listened to Sirius talk to him.

"You'll come over for dinner with us and we'll give you all the sweets your parents hide from you, and Cals will sing songs to you, and old Padfoot will teach you how to drive a motorbike."

Calandra looked up over at James and Lily. James's hair was wilder than she'd ever seen it. He kept running his hands through it absentmindedly, as if he were trying to ground himself to the fact that he had a baby. Lily looked a bit like Alice; exhausted, but absolutely euphoric. Calandra walked over and gave Lily a gentle hug.

"Congratulations." She said. "He's gorgeous."

Lily beamed and James's face looked as if it would burst with how big he was smiling.

"We've asked Pads to be godfather." James said.

Calandra looked back over to where Sirius was, still holding the tiny baby carefully in his arms. He was oblivious to the world around him, talking softly to the little bundle, swaying back and forth unintentionally.

"I couldn't think of a anyone better." She said.

She stood and watched Sirius with Harry, and her heart felt like it would burst. She'd never be able to give him this. It wasn't fair to him, no matter how much he insisted that he didn't care. He deserved someone who could give him this.

She smiled and blinked the tears away, then reached over and squeezed Lily's hand.

"I'll go make some tea." She said. "You must be exhausted."

"Oh, you don't have to do that." Lily said, readjusting herself against the pillows.

"My pleasure!" Calandra said. "Have you eaten anything at all today?"

"What?" James said, tearing his gaze away from his son. "No, she hasn't. Sorry, love, I'll go grab something."

"No." Calandra pushed him back down on the couch. "You stay. Rest. Stare at your beautiful baby boy. I've got it covered."

Calandra pecked Sirius on the cheek as she went into the kitchen. With a flick of her wand she filled the teakettle and looked through the cabinets. What should she fix Lily? Were you supposed to stay away from certain foods after having a baby? Was there anything you should definitely eat?

Finally, Calandra settled on eggs and toast. She put plates and mugs on a tray and reminded herself to ask Alice what kinds of foods she could fix to help the two women out. She levitated the tray into the room where the others were and handed out steaming mugs of tea.

Lily took a sip and settled back against the pillows next to James who now held Harry. Sirius held a camera up and snapped pictures, as happy as a child on Christmas morning.

"Would you like to hold him, Cals?" James asked Calandra.

"Of course." she said and moved to sit beside him.

James tucked Harry's blanket more snugly around him and gently eased him into Calandra's arms. He sat back and put an arm around Lily, pulling her close. Calandra looked down at the baby in her arms and smiled. Bright green eyes stared up at her. Harry's little nose scrunched up and he let out a yawn. She felt the sofa dip beside her, and Sirius stroked a finger across Harry's head.

"He's something else, isn't he?" he asked.

Calandra nodded and leaned against Sirius. They sat back against the cushions and cooed at Harry, telling him sweet whispers of their love, and tickling his chin. Calandra felt like crying tears of her own when Harry let out a wail. She handed him back to his mother and Lily rocked her son.

"Ohh, what's the matter little love?" Lily asked, checking his nappy. "You're not wet my sweet boy. Are you hungry?"

Calandra smiled as James shuffled from foot to foot, asking if Lily needed anything. She and Sirius excused themselves, promising to come visit again the next day. Sirius pulled James in for a fierce hug and kissed Lily's cheek. They bid their goodbyes and swirled back to the flat in the green flames of the floo.

Sirius turned to Calandra with a radiant smile on his face and let out a breath. He shook his head in wonder and laughed.

"Prongs has a baby." He said. "Little Prongslet. James is a dad."

Calandra smiled and nodded.

"A bit hard to actually believe, really." Sirius walked toward the kitchen. "I knew eventually they'd have a baby, but now that he's here, it's just…. I can't really believe it. He's so tiny."

She watched him walk absentmindedly around the room, his face still glowing. She thought about the future, his future with her. It would always be missing something for him. There would never be any babies with grey eyes and dark hair for her, no matter how badly she wanted him to have them.

"Love."

Calandra came to, realizing Sirius had been speaking to her.

"Sorry." She said with a quick smile.

"Want tea?" he asked, holding out a cup.

"No thanks." Calandra shook her head. "I'm going to head back to bed. It's been a crazy couple of days."

"You sure?" Sirius peered at her.

She nodded and kissed his cheek. She went to their bedroom and kicked her shoes off, lost in thought. She changed into pajamas and curled up in the bed, pulling the duvet up around her. Tears leaked out of her eyes.

She wouldn't ever have children. There was no way she'd ever take a chance of another little girl feeling like she did growing up. Did Sirius think she'd change her mind now? Did he really understand why she'd never do that?

She felt the duvet shift and soft hands pulled her back against a long warm body. Sirius rested his head in the crook of her neck and twined his fingers with hers. She pressed her feet against his legs and listened to him breathe behind her.

"I know what you're thinking." He said softly.

"I doubt it." Calandra said. "We've never studied Divination."

"I don't need a crystal ball to know what you're thinking." He replied.

His thumb stroked her hand.

"It doesn't change anything." He said.

She remained silent.

"I don't want anything but you." Sirius said. "I meant what I said."

"That was before you realized what you could have. What you'd be missing out on." Calandra said quietly.

Sirius shifted and climbed over her, turning to lay face to face with her. He slid an arm under her head and looked at her.

"I always knew." He said. "I thought about what you said, long and hard. I didn't take it lightly. Just ask James."

He brushed Calandra's hair out of her face.

"You're not the only one with reasons for not wanting children, Cals."

Calandra looked up at him and searched his eyes.

"It's bad enough having to live with a name like mine, I don't want to saddle a kid with that." He said.

She shook her head.

"You can change your name." she said.

"I could," he replied. "But they'd all still know. My heir would either be the laughingstock of pureblood society or the dark stain on the rest of the wizarding world. Either way, a whole slew of people would hate them."

"I don't want that." He said.

"What if you wake up one day and regret it?" she asked. "I couldn't live with myself; it would be my fault."

He pulled her close and kissed he forehead. His hands came up to cradle her face as he looked into her eyes.

"I'll never regret a life lived with you." he whispered.


	45. Chapter 45

November 2, 1980

"Want to do anything special for your birthday?" Calandra asked as she lined up a stack of books on the shelf.

"Mmmm." came Sirius's noncommittal reply.

"I can invite the boys over. Make special dinner. Mix margaritas so you can all can get deliriously drunk together."

"No thanks." Sirius said.

"You want to go out? See a film? Sneak into a concert?"

"Nah."

"You want to go out with James and get into some trouble, then come home and unwrap your presents? There's petrol in your motorcycle."

Sirius looked up.

"Well, I was thinking of a quiet night in with you, being showered with affection, but that offer does sound intriguing. What presents would I be unwrapping after painting the town red?" he gave her a knowing look.

She smirked at him.

"That will just have to be a surprise."

"What are the rules for my night of devilment?" he sauntered over to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"No dying." She said.

"That's a given." He replied pecking her on the lips.

"No arse tattoos."

"I wouldn't dream of doing that without you."

"Have fun."

"That's it?" he asked.

"You deserve a bit of fun, don't you think? It's been ages since you and James just got to out and have a boy's night."

She watched his eyes light up. He theatrically dipped her and planted a kiss right onto her smiling lips.

* * *

November 3, 1980

The journal on the table glowed a brilliant blue and Calandra hopped up from where she sat on the floor to grab it. She stepped over the pots of paint and cups of half drunk tea and snatched it off the table, flipping it open. She scanned the last page she wrote in and flipped to the next one. Alice's handwriting scribbled across the page.

_**The ministry needs a duplicate portrait of The Minister from 1790 to hang in an Auror office. I told them I knew of an expert who could get the job finished by the end of the week. It pays twenty galleons. I'll bring the original home with me tonight.** _

_**Let me know if you need any potion ingredients from Diagon Alley; I have to go this evening. Also, Frank's making your favorite tonight, it'll be ready by 8. Loverboy is welcome, too!** _

_**Love you-Alice.** _

Calandra smiled and wrote out a reply.

_I'll have it finished in two days' time! Thanks so much! I'll bring dessert!_

_Love you- Callie_

**_XOXOXOX_ **

Twenty galleons. Alice was always looking out for her. Calandra glanced to the bowl on the table where she kept a pile of coins. There were a suspicious number of galleons already there, when she specifically remembered dumping mostly knuts and sickles. Sirius's work, no doubt.

She had a vault at Gringotts with a bit of gold in it, placed there by her mother years ago, but was reluctant to use it. Calandra still did not know how her father kept finding her and every time she pulled money out of that vault, he always managed to show up soon after.

Sirius had told her to forget about the vault. Just let the goblins seal it and never go back. He had enough money for the both of them fifty times over, but Calandra didn't feel right using his gold. At first, when she'd objected, he'd rolled his eyes and told her to stop being ridiculous. But, after he saw how much she hated it, he'd never said another word about it.

He'd done other things, though. Sirius was always the one to buy supplies for potions. He'd come home a couple days a week with a box of dried daisy petals or jars of frog spawn. Calandra always put in the grocery order at the local market, but Sirius usually picked it up and deposited an unusually large amount of coins in the bowl on the table that should've been just change out of the money she'd given him to use.

He'd watch her as she worked out a budget for herself for weeks at a time and claim that he also needed some of the items on her list, then offer to pick them up the next time he was out.

It might have been harder for him to get away with it if Calandra wasn't stuck inside so much. About every fourth time she dared venture outside their flat, or a select few other houses, her father always managed to contact her. A note here, a picture of her there, sometimes sending people after her. He always managed to find her.

Calandra hated it. She read through every book she could find on tracing magic. She cast every concealment spell she could on herself when she went out. Nothing worked, though. He always found her, and try as she might, she couldn't make herself stay inside all the time.

* * *

November 5, 1980

Calandra woke to the sound of music and the smells of coffee and bacon. She stretched and rolled out of bed, wrapping a robe around her as she went. She padded through the living room into the kitchen and bit her lip to keep from laughing.

Sirius stood in front of the stove, a spatula in hand singing along to The Police. He'd tied his hair back with the sash to her dressing gown and wore a flowered apron. She leaned against the wall and watched him flip the bacon and pull two pieces of toast from the oven.

He grabbed a pan and carefully turned the knob on the stove, making sure that the gas flame appeared. She smiled. He still worried when it came to muggle ways of cooking. Always thinking he'd burn the house down. He put butter in the pan and grabbed a blue bowl from the counter. She watched him pour eggs into the pan and stir them around. He jumped when grease from the bacon popped out of the pan.

"Bloody." she heard him mutter and chuckled. He wheeled around and shot her a smile.

"Happy Birthday. Enjoying the view?" He asked.

"Immensely." she replied, walking toward him. "Need help?"

"Nope." he said popping the p. "I've got it all covered. You're supposed to still be in bed. How am I supposed to treat you to breakfast in bed, when you don't hold up your end of the bargain?"

"You can do it some other time." she said wrapping her arm around his waist.

"Hmpf." he grumbled. "A bloke wakes up an hour early, makes breakfast, and she doesn't even appreciate it."

"Who says I don't appreciate it?" she smirked at him. "Your bacon is going to burn."

He jumped back and moved the pan off the heat. "Merlin, woman, stop distracting me. I've got a job to do."

She rolled her eyes at his wink and moved to pour herself a cup of coffee. Sirius made plates with the breakfast food and sat them down on the table. She just realized he'd set it with champagne glasses and had fresh flowers in the vase there.

"This is all very sweet." She said with a smile. "Thank you."

"Well," he said holding out her chair. "I am quite the romantic."

"When you want to be." She laughed as she sat down.

"And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean?" he said sitting down.

"I'm just thinking back to my birthdays before." She said taking a bite of toast.

"Matching tattoos aren't romantic to you?" he questioned pouring champagne in their glasses.

"Not all that much." she admitted. "They were fun, and I love them. However, it's not really moonlit strolls and roses is it? But I don't need all that."

He raised a haughty brow.

"Three rebuttals. One," he held up a finger. "We did take a moonlit stroll to that little shop."

"Two," another finger. "There were roses all over that man's arm. It's beside the point that there was also a mermaid, a skull, and what appeared to be two pigeons fighting each other."

"And three," the final finger. "I put something of your choosing on my glorious body, marking it forever."

He handed her a glass of champagne. "I think that is pretty romantic."

She scooted her chair over to him and ran a finger on the tattoo that peaked out from behind the apron.

"You know," she said thoughtfully. "You're right. They are dreadfully romantic, aren't they?"

He smiled smugly and forked eggs and bacon into his mouth.

"What say we go get another in a few days?" she asked sipping her drink.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked laughing.

"You can decide this year." She said, then narrowed her eyes at him. "Within reason."

"I'll have to think on it then. Since I don't think I can convince you to tattoo 'Sirius Black is a sex god' on your arse." He laughed when she rolled her eyes at him.

She propped her feet up in his lap and crunched a piece of bacon happily.

"Finish up!" He said downing his champagne. "You've got presents!"

She swallowed her bite and smiled. "Presents? As in more than one?"

He raised his eyebrows at her and snagged her last piece of bacon. "Blacks don't do anything by halves, love. Besides, they aren't all from me."

He picked up their plates and set them in the sink. "Fawcett's owl came while you were still asleep."

"You know she's a Longbottom now." Calandra pointed out, standing and stretching. "Has been for well over a year."

"Yes, the poor thing." Sirius said with mock severity. "To be stuck with a name like that."

He pulled off the apron and flung it on the counter. "Consider yourself lucky that you'll never be saddled with a name so ghastly."

"If that's your proposal, Black, I'm a bit disappointed." Calandra said heading to the table in the living room where the small pile of presents was stacked. "Here I thought you were quite the romantic."

Sirius climbed over the back of the couch and sat himself on it. "Trust me, White, you'll know when I'm proposing. It will blow your mind."

"I'm sure it will. Be a pity when I say no won't it?" she smirked at him.

He batted his hand at her.

"You won't be able to resist my charm." He said smugly.

"When could I ever?" she laughed and sat with him. "So, tell me, what is from who?"

He waved his wand toward the gifts and a large red wrapped package floated over to her.

"That's from Moony. It came with Fawcett's owl."

"Hmm." Calandra said. "Why didn't he just send it here? Was it too big for his owl to carry?"

Sirius shrugged and didn't say anything.

Calandra tore the paper off to find a box full of her favorite things from Zonko's and Honeydukes. She laughed and opened a pack of Pepper Imps. Sirius propped his feet up on her legs and floated another parcel over to her. A small cardboard box tied up with golden ribbons lay in her lap. Calandra slipped the ribbons off and opened the box. A small piece of parchment lay rolled up inside. She pulled it out and noticed a small square notecard under it.

She picked up the notecard and smiled. Sirius leant up to read over her shoulder.

"Hope you enjoy this part of your gift. Owl me to set up a date for the other half." He looked over at her. "Your yearly tradition of dinner and some weird muggle activity?"

Calandra nodded. She and Alice had been having birthday celebrations of dinner and roller skating since they'd come of age. She unrolled the parchment in her hand and read the small text written on it. Tears sprang to her eyes as she realized what it was. She looked around the flat and nodded. She looked over at Sirius watching her and held up the parchment.

"It's a containing spell." She said. "A completely soundproofing one. I can use it on the flat."

Sirius smiled at her. "You can sing. Without silencing yourself."

She nodded. She'd never be able to top that. Alice had given her another priceless gift. She looked up as another gift floated over to her. She carefully set the parchment aside and opened up the blue box on her lap.

Inside lay leather pants, a pair of boots, and a small bottle of green liquid. She lifted out the card that lay in the box and opened it up. Inside were a small stack of pictures. She flipped through them. There were some of her and Sirius dancing, one of them toasting champagne, two of them laughing together, and one of Sirius gazing across the table at her. All of them were from the Potter's wedding.

Calandra read the card from Lily and set it aside. She lifted out the other items and found a small white piece of paper sticking out of one of the boots. She unfolded it and read the familiar scribble.

" _Happy Birthday, Cals!_

_Have fun with your gifts both inside the bedroom and on the bike. I know, I know; the trousers and the boots could be considered more of a gift to Pads (we know his fixation with leather) but you both can have fun with them! The potion is all for you, though! Dose a little in his drink and enjoy._

_Love,_

_Your Favorite Potter_

_P.S. Please take pictures._

_P.P.S. Please incinerate this note before Sirius can read it."_

Calandra smiled and stole a glance at Sirius. She danced her fingers across the page and turned the last line and his extra notes invisible. Sirius laughed when he read the note and conjured up frames for the pictures. He sent them flying toward the mantel and sat up.

"These two," he said pulling forward a very small packet and a larger box. "Are from me."

He handed her the small packet first and she opened it to find a tiny orb of glass. She held it in her palm and peered at it. The inside was inky blue, almost black and a bright spark of light flickered in the center of the orb. She looked up at him, curious.

"It's the brightest star in Canis Major. A replica of it, that it." He said a bit nervously.

He'd given her a star. His star.

"You can make it into jewelry, or keep it like that, or…well, really whatever you like-" She cut off his rambling with a kiss.

"It's absolutely wonderful. I love it." He smiled at her then nodded towards the other bundle.

"Go on, you've got another."

She drew the box into her lap and tore off the paper. She lifted the flaps of the box and stared. Anima Nell'arte rested in the box. She reached in and pulled the old volume out. She flipped it open and stared down at the inside cover. Handwriting filled the left corner and she caught the name at the end of the paragraph. _Lorenzo Romano._ The magical painter from Italy she'd studied when they'd visited. She blinked and felt tears in her eyes. She heard Sirius cough beside her.

"I know you've wanted to paint your mother," he said hesitantly. "But the paintings we know how to animate aren't quite what you want. So, I tracked down this. I know you loved the other book you have of his and thought maybe this would help."

She set the book and the small orb down carefully on the table and turned to him. He leant a bit away from her, giving her space. His grey eyes searching her face to see if he'd overstepped. As if that were possible. She flung her arms around him, kissing his face.

"That's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me." She said between kisses on his cheekbones. He laughed and rubbed her back. "I love it! Thank you!"

"I'm glad," he said when she leant back. "You want some tea? So, you can dig into your book?"

"You know," she said. "As much as I love these gifts, I think there's something else I want for my birthday."

She winked at him.

"Oh," he said raising his eyebrow. "Do tell."

* * *

November 6, 1980

The motorbike flew down the winding lane, a silver and black streak against the green hillside. Calandra's hair flew out behind her in wild curls.

"We really should be wearing helmets, you know." Calandra said as they came to a stop sign.

Sirius harumphed. They shot forward again and Calandra grabbed ahold of his jacket. The world passed by in a blur of grays and green and she got lost in it. She let the colors wash over her and breathed in the fresh air.

"Hold on." Sirius turned his head to her. "We're going up."

She reached around and locked her arms around his middle as they flew up into the sky. This was the best part of riding with him on the bike. The road below them shrank to a thin line as they floated among the clouds. Calandra shifted and hooked a foot in front of Sirius's. She poked her head under his arm, and he lifted it, letting her swing around until she was in front of him, and they sat face to face.

"Fancy meeting you here." Sirius said, kissing her nose. "Do you come here often?"

"Here above the clouds?" Calandra asked, looking around. "Not as much as I used to, no."

"We should do this more, then." Sirius said. "Date nights can be snogging, dinner, more snogging, a ride on the bike, even more snogging, then a ride on me."

Calandra laughed.

"Only if you let me drive the bike." She said with a grin.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. He screwed up his face, then smiled.

"Deal!" he said kissing her forehead.

"Really?" Calandra said in surprise. "You'll let me drive it again?"

"Of course. You think I'd pass up a chance to cop a feel." He winked at her.

"No! None of that. That's what got us into the mess we were in last time!" she insisted.

"Relax," he said with a laugh. "I put a few extra charms on the old gal. And I promise, I'll be quite tame, I learned my lesson."

Calandra scoffed.

"I doubt you've learned any lesson at all." She muttered.

"I'll thank you to remember I sat just as many N.E.W.T.'s as you did." Sirius said haughtily.

"Yeah," she said swinging back under his arm to sit behind him as they descended. "And how many O's did you get?"

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?" he asked chuckling.

"Me getting a better mark than you in Astronomy. Absolutely not! You'll have to live with me gloating over that fact for the rest of your life."

"You know, the only reason you got an O and I didn't is because you actually tried, right?" Sirius asked as the wheels touched back down on the pavement.

"Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, Black." Calandra said.

Sirius gunned the motorbike up on one wheel. Calandra laughed and wrapped her arms around him to keep from sliding back. She pressed her cheek against his back as he switched gears and sped down the lane. The familiar scent of leather, cigarettes, and caramel filled her head. She breathed it in and loved the feeling it always gave her. The feeling that she'd come home.


	46. Chapter 46

October 2, 1998

Calandra lay on the bed in the empty room. She stared at the wall and wished things had gone differently. Wished that she'd figured things out sooner. Wished that she could've done more. But all that wishing didn't do any good. It couldn't bring them back. It couldn't bring any of them back.

* * *

February 13, 1981

She sat with Gideon on the bathroom floor. He leant against the wall, breaths coming in short puffs and sweat forming a sheen on his forehead. His eyes were glassy and a bit unfocused.

"You have to take it again." Calandra said. "I'm sorry, Gideon, but you have to take it again."

She held the small glass out towards him.

"It's almost over, I promise." she said, soothingly. "Just a couple more sips and it will be over."

Gideon tilted his head back and she brought the potion up to his lips. He swallowed and grimaced, clutching his stomach. Calandra leant him forward and wiped the sweat from his forehead with a hand towel. Gideon breathed heavily and let out a groan.

Calandra turned her head as he retched into the toilet. She vanished the sick every few minutes and patted Gideon on the back. He leant back and she wiped his face with the cloth.

"One more, Gideon. Just one more." she said encouragingly.

Gideon shook hushed, frowning.

"Just one more. "Calandra said. "I promise. It'll spread if you don't. Just one more."

Gideon opened his eyes and gave a slight nod. Calandra tipped the potion to his lips again and he gulped down the last bit of potion. She watched as his eyes became clearer and more focused. His breathing evened out and the tension left his shoulders. He gave a sigh of relief and sagged back against the bathroom wall.

"Thanks, White." he said, shakily.

"No problem." Calandra said, patting his leg. "You'll need to drink the restorative once a day for five days. It won't make you sick or anything; it'll just rebuild your stomach lining."

Gideon nodded.

"You'll need to eat plain things, too. Just for a bit. No sausages."

He nodded again and leant his head against the wall. Calandra reached into her pocket and pulled out a small ball wrapped in shining green paper. She held it out to Gideon and watched as he took it and unwrapped it, a puzzled look on his face.

"It will help with the nausea." she said. "It's just a peppermint."

He shot her a smile and tossed the sweet up in the air. Calandra laughed when he caught it in his mouth. She gathered up the vials and glasses on the floor and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen. Fabian, Remus, Sirius, and Dorcas all looked up when she entered the room.

"How is he?" Fabian jumped down off the counter.

"He's fine. He'll need to take a potion once a day for a bit, but he's good." she replied.

Fabian rushed past her down the hallway. Dorcas grinned and shook her head, then winced and rubbed her neck. Calandra dumped all the glasses in the sink and went over to check on her friend.

"I'm fine." Dorcas said as Calandra took her head in her hands and tilted it so she could get a better view of her neck.

"Mmhmm." Calandra murmured. "Who healed this?"

Dorcas wouldn't look her in the eye.

"Dorcas!" Calandra admonished. "You know not to try to heal curses on your own. It's on your left side, too! Did you use your off hand?"

Dorcas looked sheepish.

"The others were worse off!" she exclaimed. "You saw Gideon. Fabian and Lupin weren't much better off."

Calandra rolled her eyes and muttered counter curse as she waved her wand over the splotchy red skin on Dorcas's neck. She rifled though a cabinet and pulled down a vial with a light orange potion in it. She uncorked it and shoved it toward Dorcas.

"Drink this." she said in a huff.

Dorcas peered in the cabinet and shook her head.

"It's the last one." she said.

Calandra rolled her eyes and held the potion closer to Dorcas's face.

"Lily will have more ready by tomorrow. I'll go help her brew them myself if it comes down to it. Drink it, or I'll make you drink it." Calandra threatened.

Dorcas huffed, but swallowed the potion.

Calandra turned toward Sirius and Remus and gave them a shrewd look. Remus held up his hands and Sirius shot her a smirk.

"We used the Bubblehead Charm. Sirius got one around Fabian pretty quick, but by the time we got one around Gideon it was too late." he explained.

"They got both of us with some burning curse." he motioned between himself and Dorcas. "It could've been worse."

"Yeah, it could've!" Calandra threw her hands up. "Especially if you don't heal them properly. Let me see yours."

She stepped toward Remus and moved him around, searching for evidence of the curse. He held her hands and spoke gently.

"Pads already took care of it." he said. "By the time we had Fabian in decent shape I'd almost forgotten about it. We didn't even realize Meadows had been hit. You're right. We should've checked one another better."

Calandra gave him a stern look and turned back to Dorcas.

"You feeling ok?" she asked.

Dorcas nodded.

"I feel loads better now. If Pomphrey knew you were this good at healing, she'd have been after you as an apprentice."

"Imagine that." Remus said, slinging an arm across her shoulder. "Matron Callie, mending bones and fixing boils on specky little first years."

Calandra rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"I wasn't particularly good at healing charms in school. You should know it as well as anyone, Dor. You cleaned me and Alice up many a time after a duel."

She glanced around the safe house kitchen.

"Life has a way of honing certain skills, you know." she said sadly.

Remus squeezed her shoulder and Dorcas nodded.

"I'm going to go check on the wonder twins." Dorcas said, setting the vial she still held down on the counter.

She left the room and Calandra leaned back against the counter. Remus ruffled her hair and strode to the cabinet that usually contained a variety of drinks. Sirius stood watching Calandra, his arms crossed across his chest, a wistful expression on his face.

Remus pulled a few bottles of butterbeer out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. He took a long swig from his bottle and ran a hand through his hair. Calandra thought he looked pretty good considering what he'd been living through the past few months. He gave her a tight smile.

"How you holding up, Remus?" she asked.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." he said.

"Two peas in a pod, aren't we?" she said with a sad smile.

Remus looked away from her and upended his bottle, swigging down the rest of the contents. Sirius watched his friend with a curious expression. Calandra wished that her healing charms were still rudimentary. She wished that she'd never had to learn how to heal cursed wounds or mix healing potions. She wished that this blasted war would've honed other skills. Skills she could use if she could actually go out on assignment, instead of being stuck inside.

* * *

March 10, 1981

The journal glowed beside Calandra. She picked it up and flicked to the last page she'd written on. Alice's handwriting worked its way across the page, glowing faintly blue, then darkening to black.

**_Floo to mine when you can._ **

Calandra waited for more, but no more words appeared on the page. She hopped up and grabbed her wand. She jotted down a quick note to Sirius and stuck it on the mantle, then grabbed some floo powder and went to Alice's.

She stepped out of the fireplace into her friend's living room. Calandra looked around, nothing seemed out of place. She walked down the hall, searching for her friend. Calandra peered in the kitchen and found Alice there, a bottle of Odgen's open in front of her and a tumbler full of amber liquid in her hand.

"Alice." Calandra said, moving towards her. "I got your message. What's wrong?"

Alice looked up at Calandra with tears in her eyes. She shook her head and a frown creased her face.

"Dorcas is dead." She said.

Calandra staggered back.

"He killed her himself." Alice said bitterly, then choked.

Calandra took the glass from Alice's hands and wrapped her arms around her friend. She stood there numb, letting Alice cry as she tried to make sense of what she just heard. Dorcas was the most talented witch in the Order. She was the last person Calandra would ever have expected to die. She could duel three Death Eaters on her own without breaking a sweat.

Calandra's throat closed up as she thought of her friend. Of her quick laugh and bold personality. What had happened? How had he found her?

A sound reverberated through the kitchen and Alice jumped. She grabbed a small paperweight off the counter and peered at it. It turned from its normal white color to a vibrant red. Alice wiped her nose and rubbed her eyes.

"That's the ministry." She said. "I have to go."

Calandra held onto her as she moved to leave the kitchen.

"Neville's with Augusta. Will you send her an owl letting her know Frank will stop by and get him this evening? I have to go Callie. I'm sorry, but I have to." Alice looked pained.

Calandra gathered herself up and nodded.

"Of course. Go. I'll let Augusta know." She said.

Alice gave her a hug and disappeared down the hall. Calandra stood there in the kitchen staring at the countertops trying to fight the urge to _Confringo_ something. She grabbed a notepad off the counter and wrote a note to Augusta. She whistled for Button and attached the page to his leg.

"Go to Augusta." She said and turned back to the counter.

Calandra swallowed and grabbed the bottle of firewhisky off the counter. She took a long swig as she walked to the fireplace. She took another one as the green flames swept her back home. Calandra strode to the window as soon as she stepped into the flat. She stared at the graying sky and drank, trying not to picture Dorcas's lifeless body out there somewhere.

Tears streamed down her face as she tried to make sense of it all. Dorcas was younger than she was. She had her whole life ahead of her. She wasn't supposed to die. Not like this. She was supposed to die old and gray and wrinkled after a long life full of adventure. Dorcas wasn't supposed to die. Dorcas was supposed to live.

Calandra held onto the windowsill and cried. She turned the bottle up once more and swallowed the burning liquid. She should've been there. She should've joined the Order; her father be damned. If she'd joined, they might have sent her out. She could've helped. She could've done something. Calandra shook her head in disgust. Footsteps sounded behind her and Calandra smelled Sirius's familiar scent of cigarettes and caramel.

"Cal." He said softly.

"How?" she turned to him.

Sirius looked pained. He took in her bloodshot eyes and tearstained face. His eyes flicked down toward the bottle in her hand and he sighed. He ran his hands through his hair, then stuffed them into his pockets.

"He found her in Dover." He swallowed. "She was working on defensive warding. The Aurors found her there. Traces of his magic were everywhere."

"Alice?" Calandra swallowed.

"No." he said. "Moody went with Taylor and Davies. Someone reported a….a disturbance. The place was….he wasn't around when they got there. He'd destroyed it."

"How did he do it?" she asked, needing to know.

Sirius shook his head at her. Calandra put the bottle to her lips and swallowed her pain. She wiped her mouth and stared at Sirius, eyes burning into his.

"Tell me." She demanded.

"Cal." Sirius's eyes pleaded with hers.

"Tell me." She repeated.

"It won't change anything." Sirius said. "It won't-"

"Damn it, Sirius!" Calandra cried. "She was one of my best friends. Tell me what he did to her!"

Sirius swallowed and looked away.

"Infinita Ignem." He whispered.

Calandra tried to swallow, but her throat felt numb. Her shoulders trembled as she shook her head. She gulped down the rest of the bottle and threw it against the wall. Tears streamed down her face. She slid down the wall with the dregs of the firewhiskey and sat among the glass, sobbing.

Infinite Fire. He'd burned her alive. Calandra clutched her hair in her hands and tried to keep herself from shaking. Dorcas. Sweet, impulsive, courageous Dorcas. Who never backed down from a fight. Who knew more curses and spells than the entire Auror department put together. Who could put ten Death Eaters in a full body bind. Who always looked for the brighter side of things. Burning alive.

It was horrible. The incantation didn't actually cause death. It kept the victim alive, constantly burning from the inside out until the caster stopped. Stopping is what caused death. Who knows how long it lasted? How long did Dorcas suffer? How long was she stuck in that hell?

Calandra felt soft hands on her shoulders, and she jerked away. She couldn't touch anyone right now. She couldn't have anyone hold her while she swallowed her grief. It wasn't fair to Dorcas. Not when Dorcas had been so completely alone. So, Calandra sat there on the floor, broken as the glass beside her.

* * *

April 2, 1981

She had nightmares for weeks after. Horrible dreams where she was standing outside a small house with large windows. When she looked inside, she could see Dorcas standing in front of a thin cloaked figure. Calandra would run to the door and try everything in her power to open it, but it always remained shut. The cloaked figure would raise a wand and Dorcas would scream. Horrible, awful screams that tore Calandra's mind apart. She'd use every spell she could think of to get inside. She'd slam herself against the windows, she'd _Bombarda_ the walls, she'd use everything; even the Unforgivables, just to see if they'd work. They never did. She was always stuck outside as Dorcas writhed in the air, burning alive, and begging Calandra for help.

Sirius tried everything he could think of to help her get one night of sleep. He went to St. Mungo's and brought back a dozen different bottles; sleeping draughts and comfort concoctions. Calandra took more potions than she could count. None of them worked. Dreamless sleep didn't even work. Lily brewed an extra strong batch, but all it managed to do was make Calandra numb in her dream. That night was the worst. She just stood, frozen outside the window as Dorcas begged her for help.

Every time she'd drift off, she'd live through Dorcas's screams. She was going crazy without sleep. It took everything in her to make it through the day. She begged Sirius to stun her, but he refused. She tried to stun herself but none of the spells were strong enough to knock her out for longer than five minutes. She stumbled into the Potters' house later that week and asked James to do it. Calandra knew Lily wouldn't, but James might. He gathered her up and took her to Alice's.

Alice didn't look much better than Calandra. Her round face was thin and hollow. Her eyes were tired and sunken. Alice broke down and cried all over Calandra, and Calandra followed suit. They shared their regrets with one another. Wishing they could've done something to stop the horrible thing that had happened.

The two women holed themselves in the bedroom and shared bottles of Odgen's, toasting in remembrance of Dorcas. They reminisced of times in school and told story after story of happy times they had shared with their friend. It was the first time Calandra had laughed since she'd heard the news. She fell asleep with Alice's head on her shoulder, resting her cheek against Alice's soft hair.

Sirius found her there, later that day. Frank told her afterward that when Sirius saw that she was peacefully asleep he had uttered "Thank God" then sunk to his knees against the wall and offered Frank all the gold in his vault at Gringotts if Alice were to ever decide she wanted it.

Calandra went home that night and pulled out her photo albums. She and Sirius sat in bed, eating sweets and laughing over pictures. She leaned against his side and flipped through the pages, telling him stories of shenanigans she and Dorcas and Alice go up to in school. Some of them rivalled his and James's. She set some photos aside from the others and Sirius shuffled through them.

"What are you doing with these?" he asked.

"I thought Rhea might like to have them." Calandra said.

A guarded expression passed over Sirius's face. Calandra felt her heart drop. She sat up and studied him.

"Sirius." She said carefully.

He rubbed his hand across his face and picked up one of the pictures.

"Rhea's been missing for the past three weeks." He said. "They just got word from her this morning."

"What happened?" Calandra asked. "Is she ok? Did he go after her, too?"

Sirius shook his head.

"She's in America. Meadows sent her to the states." He said.

Calandra sagged back against the bedpost.

"She gave her a bag." He said. "It was a portkey. Took her to somewhere in Montana. Meadows knew someone out there."

"Rodney." Calandra said. "He was her uncle."

Sirius nodded.

"Rhea showed up on the doorstep of his old house. It wasn't even locked. She could get through the wards, easily. She found a note in there from Meadows telling her to stay there until she sent word it was safe. She tried apparating out but couldn't. She would've splinched herself trying to go that far, anyway."

"How'd she get back?" Calandra asked.

"She didn't." Sirius said wearily. "She found some old addresses in a book. Went down the list. Wrote to everyone. Left owl treats on the windowsill and caught one. Fawcett's mum got the letter about seven this morning. The Macdonald's got one not long after."

Calandra stared down at the pictures on the bed.

"She knew, didn't she?" she asked tearfully.

"She's known for months that he was after her. After what happened in Kent, it would be foolish to think he wouldn't come for her. For all of us." Sirius said. "From what we know he didn't know about Rhea, though."

"She sent her away." Calandra said. "To keep her safe."

Sirius nodded. Calandra looked down at the photo she held in her hand. Dorcas flew into the frame and turned upside down on her broom. She made a funny face at the camera, then righted herself laughing. Calandra stared at Dorcas's smile, thinking back to how easy it was when she'd introduced them to Rhea. How Rhea had made her light up. Calandra stacked up all the photos and closed the photo album.

"Send these to her." She held them out to Sirius. "She should have them."


	47. Chapter 47

April 10, 1981

Calandra tore open the package the owl left on the windowsill. She slid a paring knife under the tape that held the cardboard flap down and pulled the book from the box. She immediately flipped the volume open and leant against the wall as her eyes flew over the words. She didn't even hear Sirius pad into the room. He yawned and rubbed his eyes.

"What do you have there, love?" Sirius asked sleepily.

Calandra glanced up at him.

"The new book I ordered." She murmured, flipping the page. "Abba just delivered it."

"Mmm." He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "It's got to be close to five in the morning. Come back to bed."

Calandra smiled and pecked him on the cheek. She followed him into the bedroom and propped herself up on the bed. Sirius flung an arm around her and nuzzled close. Calandra ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair as she read. Soon, Sirius drifted back off to sleep, soft snores echoing around the room. Calandra snuggled close to him and continued reading. Hope surged through her just like it did every single time she opened a new book.

_Surely, the answer would be in here. This would be the key to get her out of the box._

But the book led her no nowhere. 

She groaned in frustration and tossed it to the foot of the bed. None of the books ever held any of the answers. She had no idea how her father kept finding her. She concealed herself when she went anywhere. She and Sirius carved new wards into amethyst and moonstone pendants for her to wear when she went out. It helped, she couldn't deny that. It took him longer to find her when she wore them, but just barely. And he still always found her. 

Calandra sighed and pulled the book from the nightstand over to her. Anima Nell'arte. She went back to it all the time, this book Sirius had gotten her for her birthday. It was so beautiful. Not just the paintings that were illustrated on the pages, but the words. Lorenzo Romano had written more about his life in this book. His first book was very technical and offered great advice on magical paintings, but this one was full of stories about the painter's life. 

It was quite tragic, Lorenzo's lot in life. His mother died when he was a child, then his fiancé died a week before their wedding. He painted her hundreds of times in every medium he could get his hands on. He insisted that she would come back to him if only he could paint her clearly enough. 

Calandra felt a pang of sympathy wash over her. Sometimes she felt the same way. If she could just paint her mother lifelike enough, she could just step right out of the painting and wrap Calandra in her arms. But she never tried. Her mother's portrait was the one she never even attempted. Because she knew it couldn't bring her back. Lorenzo summed it up quite well in his book; _Death guards her; Death always guards her. Had not Death come for my love she would be here._

* * *

May 9, 1981

"I've got to do something!" Calandra said, frustrated.

"Do you know how much danger you're already in?" he asked. "Officially joining would be a death wish. You might as well put a target right on your forehead."

"Well, I won't just sit here and do nothing!" her voice rose. "You don't know what it's like, watching everyone you care about go off on assignments and all you can do is sit at home hoping they get back safe."

"That's not all you do." He turned away from her. "You're always at the safe house helping with the wounded. Always helping Fawcett."

"Because that's all I can do!" she practically screamed. "I can't go out with you. It would lead them right to you. I'm stuck in unplottable boxes, having to help clean up or research. I need to be able to help."

"You need to stay safe!" he grabbed her.

"Like you?" she bit out, lifting her chin.

His shoulders sagged, but he didn't let go of her arms.

"That feeling, right there." She said. "What you're feeling right now. Wanting me to stay safe, not wanting me to join. I want that for you, too. But I'm too late. You're already a part of it all and I spend every single day not knowing if you'll come home."

"I spend every day not knowing if you'll be there when I get back." He said. "Constantly worried that he'll find you."

"But you have a choice!" she said. "You get to choose to go fight. I don't even get that choice! He's already taken so much away from me. I don't want him to take this."

He wrapped his arms around her, and his voice shook.

"It's not that I don't want you to join. I know you want to fight for what's right."

His hand came up and tangled in her hair. She pulled away from him and squeezed his arm.

"Then why are you fighting it so much?" she asked.

He ran a hand through his hair and breathed a deep breath.

"Everyone that I care about is in danger. Everyone. I don't have a bloody clue how to keep anyone safe and sometimes it feels like we're fighting a losing battle. People are dying left and right and I can't stop it."

He turned away and paced to the table.

"All I want to do is keep them safe, and I can't." Sirius clenched his head in his hands. "He, _he himself_ , went after James last month, Cal. And it wasn't even the first time."

"That's why I want to help, Sirius. I want to help keep him safe. James is my friend, too!"

"He's my brother!" Sirius's voice rose, then he paused and went on quietly. "My brother. And there's an army out there trying to kill him. They weren't satisfied taking the one from my childhood. They want this one, too!"

Sirius gripped the back of the chair in front of him, his shoulders shaking. Calandra watched as he shook his head and tried to compose himself. He looked up at her and his eyes were shining.

"It's bad enough that I can't keep my own brother safe, Calandra. I'll be damned if I don't keep you safe."

He jerked out the chair and collapsed into it. He stared at the floor.

"I can't stop you from joining. I'm not trying to trap you here. But I'm begging you. Please. Don't join until we figure out how he's tracking you. Please."

Calandra stared at his trembling hands and his slumped shoulders. She went and leaned him back in the chair until she could sit with him. She studied him, this wonderful, courageous, witty, beautiful man. The man she'd do anything for.

"Ok." She said. "When we find out how he's tracking me and get rid of it I'm joining. Until then I'll lay low."

She leant her head forward until their foreheads touched. They sat there like that, breathing each other in while the clock in the kitchen ticked the seconds away. Calandra wished he never had to leave.

* * *

May 20, 1981

"Longbottom wanted to know if you want to have dinner with them tomorrow." Sirius said as he flipped through the post.

"Sure." Calandra said absently. "You coming, too?"

"Can't." he said. "Have to go out to the country."

"Where?" Calandra asked.

"Scotland." he said vaguely.

Calandra studied him, then. His face was drawn and his lips were pressed into a thin line. There were large shadows under his eyes. She chewed on her lip and wondered where exactly he had to go. She knew not to press for all the details. The Order were becoming more and more secretive with everything. He already pushed his luck more than he should with her listening in on conversations she probably shouldn't hear and going with him to the safe house.

He glanced up and gave her a quick smile. Her heart melted at the gesture and she smiled back.

"I won't be gone long." he said. "Just a day or so. You'll hardly miss me."

She rolled her eyes and dropped a kiss to his cheek. She sat on his leg and wrapped an arm around his neck.

"You say that every time." she said. "And every time I always miss you."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." he quipped. "Isn't that a famous muggle saying."

"It is," she said. "But I'd rather not know if it's factual or not. My heart is plenty fond of you when you're right beside of me."

"I'll hurry home, then." he said with a twinkle in his eye.


	48. Chapter 48

June 3, 1981

A knock on the door made them all jump. They weren't expecting anyone. Calandra passed Harry off to his mother and stood, drawing her wand. Sirius threw the invisibility cloak to Lily and stood next to James. James opened the door and Calandra saw his shoulders drop their taught tension.

"Moony!" he breathed. "What in Godric's balls are you doing here?"

Lily tore the cloak off Harry and set it aside, giving the baby back to Calandra as she rose to greet Remus. Sirius stood by the doorway and clapped a hand on Remus's shoulder, but offered no other greeting.

"I didn't know the next time I'd be able to come by. I couldn't let the month pass without some sort of celebration. The anniversary of when we joined the cause!" Remus said drawing a small parcel out of his pocket and tapping it with his wand. It grew to normal size and he sat the case of butterbeer on the table.

"The place was crawling with Death Eaters, but I managed to slip by them for this."

"Merlin's fucking beard, Remus." Calandra said, covering Harry's ears. "Death Eaters crawling about and you go for a butterbeer run. Are you mad?"

"I missed you, too." He said kissing her cheek.

She rolled her eyes and turned Harry to face Remus. The baby reached out a chubby hand and grasped Remus's finger, pulling and tugging. Remus laughed and scooped Harry up.

"Quite a grip, you have there, mate." He said, chuckling.

Calandra looked up to find Lily and James whispering with Sirius. Lily peeled off from the two men and came over to where her friends sat. She watched Remus and Harry with a tired smile. Calandra got up and squeezed her arm.

"You two can visit. I'll go open the drinks and make sandwiches." Calandra said, walking towards the kitchen.

She busied herself in the kitchen, slicing roast beef and trying to hear James and Sirius's muted conversation. They seemed to be talking about some recent meeting. Something about hiding. Calandra rummaged through drawers for a bottle opener before she gave up and used her wand. She arranged food on plates and carried them back out to the others, levitating drinks to follow behind her.

Calandra sat the food and beverages down on the coffee table and sat in the armchair next to Remus. He was telling them something about the Prewett twins. They'd extended the shield charms some way. Fabian was engaged to Emmaline Vance now. Moody brought Fawley in for questioning, they were expecting him to give up the names of Death Eaters. Rhea had sent word to Emmaline that she was doing fine in America. Harry reached toward Calandra and she slid off her chair to sit in the floor at Remus's knee.

He bounced Harry and Calandra played pat-a-cake with him as everyone talked and visited with one another. Lily and Sirius got into some debate about Bubotuber Puss and whether its uses could be extended if mixed with dragon's blood. Calandra tuned them out as Remus slid down next to her when Harry reached for her.

The small boy fisted his hands in Calandra's hair and babbled with laughter. Calandra laughed and extricated his hands from her hair. Remus turned Harry to face him and wagged a finger in his face.

"Now, mate." He warned good naturedly. "That isn't any way to treat a lady."

Calandra laughed leant toward them.

"Uncle Moony's a good one to talk, Harry." She said, tickling the small boy. "He was horrid to Aunt Callie in school. He cast a spell on Aunt Callie that made her speak only in French for two whole days."

Remus threw his head back and laughed.

"You deserved it." He said with a smile. "You charmed all my schoolbooks to sing when I opened them. It took me a week to figure out the counter spell. I got two detentions that week and had to borrow books for days."

Calandra grinned and raised her eyebrows at the memory.

"Didn't do me any good to get you back, though." Remus said. "I forgot Pads knows French."

"Yeah." Calandra smiled and ruffled Harry's hair. "He never let you live it down afterwards."

Remus rolled his eyes and hoisted Harry above his head.

"You'll be much more well behaved, won't you?" he asked Harry.

Calandra snorted.

"Doubtful." She said, motioning to where James and Sirius had wrestled each other to the ground.

"No no no, Prongs." Sirius was saying as James tried to wrap his arm around Sirius's neck. "This won't do anything."

Sirius wriggled out from under James and slung his legs over him. He shook his hair back, put an elbow to James's throat, and smirked down at him.

"This is much more efficient." He said.

"Fuck off!" James said and flipped Sirius off to the side. "It didn't take anything to get your sorry arse off of me."

"Fascinating as this may be." Lily said grabbing a sandwich and sitting on the couch. "I doubt the Death Eaters will resort to fisticuffs with you lot. Far too muggle for them."

James and Sirius looked at one another and pulled a face.

"Fair enough, Lilypad." Sirius said and turned to Harry.

"Oi! Prongslet!" he said. "Come over here to Padfoot. You haven't slobbered on me near enough. My collar's barely wet."

Harry turned to Sirius and squealed. He wriggled free of Remus's grasp and tottered over to Sirius, little hands reaching up. Sirius scooped him up and blew raspberries on his cheeks. Harry grabbed a handful of Sirius's hair and laughed. Calandra smiled at the picture they made. Sirius was always ecstatic to spend time with Harry.

"How long can you stay Moony?" James asked taking a sip of butterbeer.

"Not very long." Remus frowned. "I've got to get back to the forest before long."

"How is everything going?" Lily asked.

"About as well as can be expected." Remus sighed. "The werewolves want change; he's promised it to them. Not many of them like what I'm having to say."

James nodded gravely and hopped up. He held a hand out to Remus.

"I've got something to show you, Moony. Come with me for a bit."

James led him down the hall and Lily got up to follow them. Calandra got up and perched on the chair arm beside Sirius. She waved her wand and made small clouds shaped like different animals emerge from the end of it for Harry.

"Ahh, mate." Sirius said, nuzzling Harry's head. "Uncle Padfoot's going to have to go home soon. Wish you could come with us."

Calandra ran her hand down Sirius's hair.

"Why don't you stay with James tonight?" she asked. "Play with Harry, annoy Lily, duel with James. You'll be in heaven."

"Not tonight." Sirius shook his head. "I've got an early morning tomorrow. Maybe Friday or next week."

Lily came back into the room and Sirius tossed Harry over to her.

"I guess I'll give him up, Red." He said. "We've got to hit the road."

Lily nodded and gave them both a hug. They were kissing Harry's cheeks when James and Remus came back down the hallway. James clapped Remus on the back.

"You're all more than welcome to stay." He said.

Sirius nodded and ruffled James's hair.

"Can't tonight, but stock the cupboards with Caramel Cobwebs. I'll be back round Friday." Sirius said.

Remus hugged Lily and tickled Harry's chin. Calandra looped her arm in his and reached for the bags they'd brought.

"Walk with us. I hardly ever see you anymore." She said.

Sirius swung his knapsack over his shoulder and gave the Potters a salute as he shut their door. They walked down the steps and headed toward the apparition point. Remus asked Calandra questions about the research she'd been doing; about the new books she'd read and if she thought about checking with the ministry about blood ties her father. Sirius seemed to grow more upset the longer they walked.

"Why are you asking so many questions, Moony?" Sirius said, walking down the lane.

Remus shot him a look. Calandra dropped Remus's arm and stared at the two of them. What was going on?

"I'm trying to stay one step ahead of them, just like you." Remus replied evenly.

"Mmmhmm." Sirius murmured, noncommittally.

"Well," Remus said, turning back to Calandra. "As, I was saying, I think it could boil down to just blood."

Sirius scoffed, but Remus continued.

"Ancient magic recognizes blood bonds in ways we don't really know about. It could be that."

"You think we haven't already thought of that?" Sirius said. "Why is it just her? My family can't trace me through blood bonds, and Godric knows they want to. It has to be something more."

"I'm just trying to help." Remus said, holding his hands up.

"Yeah, mate?" Sirius barked, turning on him. "You want to know how you can help? Start by telling us who your contact was for the information on the attack on the Howards."

"Sirius." Calandra warned.

Remus glared at him.

"Or how about telling us where you were last week? Why you missed the meeting." Sirius went on.

"You know I can't tell yo-" Remus said, his voice full of anger.

"Like hell you can't!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Sirius!" Calandra spoke up sharply.

"I could ask you some of the same question, Pads." Remus said Sirius's nickname like a slur.

"Where have you gone for days at a time, not telling anyone; even Calandra?" Remus practically snarled. "How do you know your family can't trace you through blood bonds? Been having little reunions, have we?"

"Remus!" Calandra expostulated.

Remus turned to Calandra and his eyes softened. She drew herself up and stood, toe to toe, with him. She poked a finger in his chest and watched the shadows dance over the scars on his face.

"You're just being cruel, and it stops now!" Calandra bit out.

Remus looked contrite and drew a deep breath.

"Being cruel comes quite naturally to him, didn't you know love?" Sirius said.

Remus's eyes flicked up to Sirius and she saw rage simmering beneath the surface. He looked back down at her and bit out a goodbye before turning and stalking off.

"You insolent prat!" Calandra hit Sirius's arm. "That was uncalled for! Go apologize."

"What?" Sirius rounded on her.

"You heard me! He knew he took it too far. He was going to apologize." Sirius shook his head, but she carried on. "I know you were talking about his condition and he does, too. Go! Now!"

Sirius shook his head and followed Remus's retreating figure. Calandra gathered the things she'd dropped and walked down the lane. She heard murmured voices, then shouting. She picked her pace up when she saw flashes of light. She ran upon the two of them just as Remus was turning on his heel to dissaparate. He was gone with a pop, and Calandra turned to Sirius.

"What happened?" she asked.

"What do you know," Sirius said running a hand along his jaw. "Moony has a mean right hook."

"He hit you?" Calandra breathed.

Sirius just reached for the packages dangling from Calandra's wrists.

"I can carry these." He said.

"No." she dropped everything and grabbed his hands. "What's going on between you two?"

She looked down and saw that Sirius's knuckles were bruising. She ran a thumb across the back of his hand and stared at the purple splotch slowly spreading across his cheek. His eyes were dead when he spoke.

"I don't know. But he's hiding something."

"Maybe it's for Dumbledore." Calandra said, hopefully.

"Maybe." Sirius said, then followed with a whisper. "Or maybe not."

Calandra stared up at him. He smiled down at her and ran his thumb across her cheek. Sirius leant forward and kissed her forehead, then leant down to grab the bags and packages.

"Come on, love. Let's go home."


	49. Chapter 49

June 28, 1981

Calandra read and reread every book she could get her hands on regarding tracing magic. Nothing in them helped. An article in the paper about St. Mungo's new experimental techniques regarding blood curses piqued her interest. Sirius seemed to have the same idea when he read the paper and offered to help.

Armed with bottles of blood replenishing potion they went to Alice's and told her what they were doing. She was scared that something would go wrong, but offered to help them, nonetheless. It didn't matter, though. Even with Sirius's blood running through her, the letters came.

They tried it again a few weeks later, this time with better understanding of how to do it. Alice stepped in, pulling her sleeves up and holding her arms out. She said that they needed someone new to determine if it would really work or not. Sirius had balked at the idea, but conceded when Alice listed off reasons they should try a different person. It was all in vain. He still managed to find her.

Calandra went through all of her belongings three times over to see if there was anything left from her time at her father's house. She tossed aside every piece of clothing she was wearing every time he'd found her over the years. She threw out every single pair of socks she had, not knowing which ones she'd had on. She was going through Sirius's sock drawer to see if there were any of hers mixed among them, when she came across her mother's wand.

Fear washed over her. Calandra held the cherry wood in her shaking hands and thought about the odds. Could her father trace her through her mother's wand? She poured over spell books looking for the answer. James brought boxes of books that were in his parent's house to Sirius for her to check, but none of them held any answers.

Calandra ended up sitting on the floor with books all around her; parchment, notepads, ink pens, quills, and pencils scattered among them. Holding her mother's wand as if gripping it tight enough would magical answer her questions. Without a definite answer Calandra couldn't take the chance. She whispered an apology and snapped the wand into.

* * *

August 14, 1981

The paper was depressing. Every day held a new story of someone missing, someone injured, or someone dead. But they couldn't not read it. Sometimes there was actual information to glean from all the hearsay. Calandra sat with Sirius on the couch and flicked through the prophet. Sirius read the articles while Calandra scanned the obituaries, then they'd switch.

Calandra caught a familiar name and sadness washed over her.

"The McKinnons." She whispered. "All of them. The whole family; Matthew and Marlene and their parents."

Sirius draped his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.

"Peter's going to be gutted." She said. "He always seemed to be sweet on her."

Sirius put his paper down and read with her, his head leaning against hers. There were other names; so many other names. She counted herself incredibly lucky that his name wasn't among them. That Alice's wasn't there. That Frank and James and Remus and Lily and Peter and Mary weren't listed there. She squashed away the question that always lingered in her mind and focused on the words on the page.

_How long would it be before those names would be listed?_

* * *

August 28, 1981

Sirius had gone with her to visit Alice. He said he wanted to meet with Frank and discuss Order business, but Calandra had the suspicion that he was just reluctant to let her go anywhere alone. He'd been going with her more and more, even when she'd visit Alice. But he'd have come today either way; they were giving Neville his birthday present and having a celebratory dinner afterwards.

Calandra sat in the nursery and clapped her hands as Neville took wobbly baby steps toward her. He fell into her arms with a giggle and she tickled him, singing praises. He grabbed hold of the toy wand she'd brought him. He swished the little thing around and bubbles flew out of the end of it. Alice stood up and ruffled his hair, excusing herself for a moment.

Calandra grabbed Neville's new toys and danced them around him, letting his baby babble wash over her. She marched the stuffed animals up and down his chubby legs, happy to live in his little world, until a voice rang out from the hallway. Someone shushed loudly.

Calandra scooped Neville up and moved toward the door; it was cracked open and when she stood close she could hear the conversation from the hall. Sirius and Alice spoke in furious undertones, not quite whispering at each other.

"When's the last time she's seen the light of day outside that secret flat of yours?" Alice demanded.

"She's not a prisoner, Alice!" Sirius retorted. "You know what's waiting out there when she leaves."

"He hasn't tried to contact her in months." Alice bit out.

"Why do you think that is? As long as she stays somewhere he can't find her, she's safe. I'm trying to keep her safe!"

"And you think I'm not?" Alice asked.

"No! I know you are!" Sirius vehemently replied.

"Then why can't anyone come to her?" Alice asked furiously.

"Because it's bloody unplottable!" Sirius fought to keep his voice even. "I haven't told anyone where it is. I've had to put up a dozen protective charms and just as many masking spells to make sure she can't be found."

"You put masking spells here, too. Frank and I update the wards twice every week and we recast the charms just like you said." Alice said. "We even got Moody to show us a couple of his own personal ones."

"And she comes to visit, doesn't she?" Sirius asked.

"Not nearly enough!" Alice replied.

"You'll have to take that up with her, then, Fawcett." Sirius ground out.

"Oh, I will." Alice said menacingly, then her voice softened. "It's killing her, Sirius. You know how she feels about being trapped."

"I know. I'm trying, Alice." Sirius's voice lowered. "I'm trying."

Calandra took a step back and dropped to sit down on the floor. She placed Neville on her legs and bounced him up and down. No wonder Sirius insisted on doing the wards himself. She added her own, of course, but they weren't half as extensive as his apparently were.

Alice was right. She hadn't been to visit enough. She was so tired of the rigamarole it was to travel. Every single time she left the flat and went somewhere that wasn't warded her father found her. It used to just be sporadically, but over the past few months it had been every single time. Johan would swoop down and deliver a letter moments after she stepped outside. Each one was always the same.

_You can't hide forever._

She hardly left the flat at all these days. She came to Alice's, she'd visit the Potter's, and she'd check in at the safe house once a week to see if they needed help. Other than that, her life consisted of the rooms at the flat and the research she did tirelessly to try to find a way out of her father's grasp.

* * *

September 19, 1981

Calandra made it a priority to visit Alice more often. She'd floo through four days a week and stay with Neville while Alice and Frank went to work. Alice was supposed to be doing half-days now, but she rarely ever followed those instructions. She'd be gone from eight in the morning until six in the evening some days.

It broke her heart, Calandra knew. Alice had cried on Calandra's shoulder more than once over missing out on Neville's day to day life. Calandra took photos all the time. She'd sit with Neville in his room and listen to Alice read stories from the painting that hung above the rocking chair. Calandra would tidy the house and cook dinner, so the only thing Alice had to do when she got home was spend time with Neville.

One day as she and Neville watered Alice's plants in the garden at Augusta's, a small square letter floated down to Calandra. She stared down at the parchment and clutched Neville tightly to her. Calandra quickly turned to go back in the house, and that's when she saw him.

Standing a little way down the path, leaning against a tree was her Father. He smiled at her. Calandra's heart thudded dully in her chest. Where could she go? She spun on her heel quickly and apparated to Hogsmeade. She ran to Honeydukes and cast a disillusionment charm over herself and Neville.

Her heart raced as she knocked over boxes by the front window so the shop owner wouldn't notice her opening and closing the door to the basement. Neville whimpered as she ran through the dusty passage. She emerged into the corridor and ran up the stairs to the seventh floor. She paced in front of the wall, holding Neville tightly against her chest.

_I need a room with a secure floo. I need a room with a secure floo. I need a room with a secure floo._

Calandra stopped as soon as she saw the door. She opened it and quickly stepped inside. She leaned against the wall and looked around. The room she stood in was small, just as it was last time she'd been there. A stone fireplace ran almost the entire length of one wall, a small red pot sat on the mantle.

Calandra ran over and lifted the lid of the pot. Floo powder rested inside. Calandra breathed a sigh of relief and loosened her grip on Neville. She looked down at the small boy and stroked his hair. Calandra grabbed a handful of floo powder and stepped in the fireplace. She flung the powder down and whispered the address.

Neville laughed as the green flames swept them away. She stepped out of the flames in the living room of the flat. Neville grabbed her hair and blew raspberries on her cheek. Calandra breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to the fireplace. She took floo powder from her own bowl and stepped back into the fireplace. With a kiss to Neville's head she tossed the powder down and took them to Alice's.

Calandra whistled for Alice's owl as soon as she stepped in the Longbottom's living room. She wrote out a note to Augusta and a separate one for Alice. She tossed Button a treat and sent him on his way. With that taken care of, Calandra scooped Neville up and took him to his room. She sat him on the floor with his favorite toys and warded the room. Calandra put up every enchantment she knew. She didn't think he would find her here; she'd gone back to the flat first. If he tried to trace her through Hogwart's floo, if he even knew to get in the castle, he'd go to the flat. The floo at the flat was untraceable. He couldn't get them here.

Even so, Calandra sat with her back against the wall. Neville tucked beside her, her wand trained on the window, her hand trained on the door. She waited. Neville played happily beside her, marching Hippogriffs along her leg. She sat silently, listening for movement.

She heard the fireplace roar to life and cast a shield charm around Neville. Calandra stood and waited. Hurried footsteps ran down the hall and the doorknob jiggled. Calandra stepped in front of Neville.

"Callie!" Alice's voice sounded through the door. "Callie! Are you in there?"

Calandra's shoulders sagged with relief as she scooped Neville up and moved toward the door. She started undoing the wards then froze. She held her wand out toward the door once more, and called to Alice.

"Alice! When did I sneak in to Sirius's parent's house?"

"The summer before sixth year. We were at my mum's and you snuck out." Alice called. "Callie, are you ok? What's going on? Is Neville alright?"

Calandra finished removing the wards and Alice tore into the room. She grabbed Calandra by the shoulder and ran a hand over Neville's hair. Concern and worry clouded her face. Calandra held Neville out to Alice and gave her a quick smile.

"He's fine. We're fine." She breathed.

"What happened?" Alice asked.

"We were at Augusta's. I was letting him water your plants." Calandra swallowed. "I thought it was warded. I'm so sorry Alice. I thought it was warded."

Alice reached out a hand and pulled Calandra close.

"It's ok. It's ok." She said.

"He found me there." Calandra said. "My father. He showed up. We were watering the flowers and a letter came. I didn't touch it. I was taking Neville back in the house when I saw him."

Calandra felt tears in her eyes.

"He saw Neville. I'm so sorry Alice. I would've never. I didn't…."

She rubbed her face and took a breath.

"I apparated us out. I didn't know where to go. I couldn't take him anywhere I knew was safe. You can't apparate inside any of those places, and if I apparated close to them and tried to get inside, he could've found me."

"I took him to Hogsmeade. We used one of the secret passages to get into Hogwarts."

Alice looked shocked.

"We were concealed." Calandra said. "No one saw us. We went up to the seventh floor."

"The room." Alice said.

"I'd only ever been inside once." Calandra said. "It was a hiding place. It was always a hiding place. But I had to try."

Alice nodded.

"There was a fireplace inside. If there hadn't have been one, I would've gone to McGonagall. I promise, Alice. I would've kept Neville safe."

"I know." Alice said. "I know."

"I went back to my flat." Calandra said. "I didn't even come here. If he tries to follow me, he won't come here."

"Callie." Alice said. "It's ok. You're ok. It's ok."

Calandra pulled Alice into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I'm so sorry. I thought it was warded." She said.


	50. Chapter 50

October 10, 1981

"Calandra!"

Sirius's voice rang out through the apartment. Calandra jumped out of bed and threw a dressing gown on. She ran to the kitchen and found him grabbing pots and bottles from one of the shelves there.

"Sirius!" she exclaimed as soon as she saw him. "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"We've got to go to Longbottom's," he said, pulling more bottles down and throwing them in a box. "They'll need help. A few are hurt pretty badly."

Calandra went to the bathroom and grabbed the tray of plants in their tiny pots from the windowsill. Alice would know if they'd be of use. She grabbed muggle pain relievers and went back to the fireplace. Sirius was waiting on her.

A few seconds later they stepped out of the green flames into the Longbottom's house. People sat in chairs and on the sofa in various states of injury. Some had bandages on their arms and legs, others were helping take care of them. Sirius made a beeline for the kitchen and handed off his items to her. Calandra went straight down the hallway and into the guest room at the back of the house. Whoever desperately needed help would be back there.

She found Alice leaning over Mary on the bed. Calandra rushed over and looked at Alice.

"Mulciber got her with some dark spell. We don't know what it is. Frank's going to get the list Dorcas gave us to see if any of them match." Alice said in answer to Calandra unspoken question.

Calandra's throat constricted at the mention of her friend's name. She put a knee on the bed and knelt over Mary. Mary's veins shone through the skin of her hands, snaking up her arms, a sickly green color. Her breathing came in short gasps. A foul odor rose up all around them.

"It's in her blood." Calandra said. "It's rotting her from the inside out."

Alice looked horrified.

"How long has it been since the curse was cast?" Calandra asked.

"Not even three minutes. I apparated her out." Alice replied.

"Blood replenishing potion. She'll need it, and a goblin made blade." Calandra listed off, rolling her sleeves up and transfiguring Mary's robes into a thin nightgown.

Alice hurried out the door while Calandra cast silencing charms around the room and stasis spells on Mary. Alice came back and thrust the objects in Calandra's hands. Calandra recognized Sirius's knife.

"Petrificus Totalus." Calandra waved her wand over Mary.

"She can't move." She told Alice. "It will be awful for a bit. We're lucky they went for a slow grueling death."

Calandra handed the glass of blood replenishing potion to Alice and grabbed the knife.

"Make her drink it as soon as I tell you." she said.

Alice nodded.

Calandra walked over to the bedside and waved her wand over Mary's arms, straightening them out. She drew the blade down the side of her friend's arm and watched as thick green blood oozed out. She cast her wand over it and siphoned it out, watching the spidery lines of Mary's veins disappear under her skin. Mary cried out, but Calandra set her jaw and continued. When the last of the cursed blood was siphoned out, she moved to the other arm, repeating the actions. Alice moved to heal the incision, but Calandra stopped her.

"Not yet. I won't let her bleed out, I promise."

Calandra vanished the cursed blood and drew the knife across her own arm. Alice gasped. Calandra siphoned out about a teaspoon of her own blood and sent it into the cuts on Mary's arm with a flick of her wand. Mary whimpered and Alice closed up the wounds at Calandra's nod.

"The potion. Now." she said.

Alice opened Mary's mouth and tipped the vial back. She took her wand and made sure Mary swallowed. The two witches sat there, waiting and watching as Mary's breathing slowed to normal and some color came back to her. Calandra breathed a sigh of relief.

"What was that?" Alice asked.

"I came across it when I was looking for answers. Talked about how witches and wizards who have Veela in them have a bit more magic in their blood. Doesn't make them better at magic, it just manifests in their blood. Blood curses are harder to cast on them. Don't ask me anything else about it, because I don't know. I don't even know if it's true or not. I just had to try in case it helps."

She rubbed her face and felt a trickle down her arm. She'd forgotten to heal it. She held her arm out to Alice and watched as her friend closed the wound.

"Thanks." She said.

"You could have done a neater job of it yourself." Alice said.

"You're not supposed to do healing magic with your off hand," Calandra said with a smile. "You know that."

"Will she….." Alice didn't finish her sentence.

"No." Calandra said softly and shook her head. "It won't change her. She won't be what I am."

Calandra rose to her feet and patted Mary's arm.

"I'm going to check on everyone else." She said, walking out the door.

She passed by Neville's room and peeked inside. He was asleep in in his bed, tiny cheek pressed against his arm, blanket around his feet. Calandra's heart beat loudly in her chest as she thought of the letter she'd received two days ago. Her father had written her asking when he'd be seeing her again and offering his favorite café as a meeting point. He'd included a small stuffed hippogriff with the letter. One Calandra recognized immediately.

She'd gone immediately to Alice and showed her the letter. Alice reassured her that Neville was safe and sound in his room and showed her that he still had his hippogriff. Calandra's father was just trying to intimidate her. Calandra went back home appeased, until she noticed writing on the back of the letter. Her heart hardened to stone when she read the words written there.

_If I can find you, I can find him too._

* * *

October 15, 1981

"I want a set of mirrors like that." Calandra said, nodding to the hand mirror that lay beside him.

"It'll take a few days to charm them properly." Sirius replied. "It takes pretty powerful casting to make sure the spells and charms hold. Otherwise they stop working after a while."

"I want to use them as emergency communication. Just once to send a message, then done. How long do you think it would take to spell them like that?"

"Maybe twenty minutes. An hour at most. Why?" he looked up from the map on the table.

"I want to contact my father." She said evenly.

He dropped the cigarette he was holding.

"What! No! Absolutely not!" he rose from the table.

"Yes." She said.

"No! Cal, you can't be serious." He grabbed her shoulders. "That's far too dangerous."

"He keeps threatening me." Calandra said.

"Exactly! What about that fact makes you think you should seek him out?" He asked incredulously.

"It's always been on his terms. He's always found me. If I can rattle him, he'll let something slip." She removed his arms from her shoulders.

Sirius shook his head.

"He's doing the exact same thing he did with my mother." Calandra said quietly. "I can't keep living trapped in his boxes."

Calandra watched Sirius's face harden. His eyes turned to molten steel and his jaw grew taunt. His nostrils flared ever so slightly.

"Alright." He said. "But I want to be there."

Calandra opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off.

"I won't show my face, I won't say a word. I know he already knows who I am, but I'll do whatever you tell me to. I just want to be there."

Calandra nodded.

"Ok. What do I need to get started?" she asked.

"Just your wand, darling. Let's see how rusty your charm work is."

* * *

October 17, 1981

Calandra stared at herself in the mirror. She waited, staring into blue eyes burning with determination. They narrowed as her reflection faded and a familiar face appeared in the glass.

"Hello Johnathon." She said.

"Well." Her father's face smiled back out at her from the mirror. "What a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe this honor?"

"You left me a rather important message. The societal etiquette you had drilled into me, deigns a reply."

Sirius stood poised with his wand and a portkey beside the mirror. He watched Calandra's face with careful eyes.

"Ahh, yes." Johnathon said, pouring himself a tumbler of brandy. "It's good to hear from you. I do admit, it's getting rather tricky lately, finding you. But one just has to have patience. You're not very good at staying indoors."

"Yes." Calandra agreed. "You couldn't ever keep _me_ in a box, could you?"

Johnathon's eyes flashed. His jaw clenched and Calandra could see a vein throb in his forehead. It only lasted a brief moment, but she saw. She always saw. He hated that he couldn't control her like her mother. His face settled back to amused disinterest and he took a sip of his drink.

"Tell me. How is the boy?" Johnathon smirked.

Calandra leant in as close as she could get to the mirror.

"I'll tell you this one time, and one time only, _Father_." she spat the word. "If you so much as disturb one hair on his head I'll kill you myself."

Johnathon laughed. She continued.

"I'll make sure all the Death Eaters know what really happened with mother. All of your weaknesses. I'll kill you."

Johnathon rolled his eyes and gave her a pitying look.

"And how will you do that?" he asked.

"Evan Avery's been dying to get a taste of me." Calandra said.

She heard Sirius draw a ragged breath.

"What do you reckon he'd do to get one?" she asked. "I have an in, _Father_. And if I use it, I'll raze the whole fucking thing to the ground and go down with it. Even if it means Avery for me."

Johnathon's eyes grew wide. She saw fear in them, actual fear, before he was able to put his mask back in place.

"You'd never. You're far too sentimental. Too much like your mother to ever do something so dark. She left her weakness with you."

She stared into unfeeling eyes for a second, then smiled.

"You're wrong."

Calandra smashed the mirror with her fist. She dropped to the floor and rocked back and forth, shaking with tears and hysterical laughter. Sirius vanished the shards of glass and cast a finite charm in the room surrounding them. He gathered her in his arms and apparated them directly into the kitchen of the flat.

He sank with her to the floor and held her, running his hand over her hair and soothing her sobs. He murmured the spells to reward the flat against apparition as she cried. When she was finally spent, she pulled back and looked at him.

"It's the memories." She whispered.

Sirius stroked her cheek and unclasped the chain that was around her neck. The small vial fell into her palm and she stared down at it. Silvery-blue mist swirled around inside the glass. The last connection she had to her mother. She brought it up to her lips then handed it to Sirius.

"Do whatever you like." She said, sadly.

He hesitated; his hand gripped around the small glass.

"We can put them in a vault. Lock them up until it's all over." He said gently.

Calandra shook her head.

"No, it'll never be over. Not with him." She said.

Sirius studied her eyes, searching for something.

"I'm tired of being kept in a box, Sirius." Calandra said, her voice soft and broken.

He nodded and kissed her forehead. He scooped one arm around her and the other under her knees, lifting her up. He carried her to the bedroom and sat her on the bed.

"I'm going to take care of this." He said. "I'll be back soon. Just rest."

Calandra nodded and laid back on the pillow, closing her eyes. She felt warm lips brush her temple and heard the door close.

Sirius came back into the room a few moments later. Calandra was sitting with her legs close to her chest, resting her head against her knees. She looked up at him with a small smile. He sank down to the bed beside of her and wrapped an arm around her.

"I'm sorry, Cal." He whispered.

Calandra shook her said.

"I'm free." She said. "Finally."

Sirius rubbed a hand up and down her arm.

"I'm free." She repeated. "He can't get to me anymore."

She shook her head in wonder.

"I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel. It doesn't feel real."

Sirius pressed a kiss to her temple.

"I'm joining the Order, now." She said, looking up at him. "He can't get to me now. I'm joining as soon as I can."

Sirius drew a breath.

"You knew I would." Calandra said, holding his hand. "I know the risks."

"You could die." Sirius said softly.

Calandra reached out and brushed his hair away from his face. She rubbed her hand across his cheek. He hadn't shaved.

"Some things are worth dying for." She said just as softly.


	51. Chapter 51

October 22, 1981

Calandra slid a mug of tea in front of Sirius and pulled out the chair next to him. She stirred her own tea and watched him mutter to himself as he crossed out things on the parchment in front of him and flipped through an ancient looking spell book.

"What happened today?" she asked, taking a sip of tea.

Sirius looked up and sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his palms and ran his hands up through his hair. Calandra watched him, concern clouding her features. Meetings with James didn't usually cause him to come home looking like this.

"Dumbledore met with Prongs yesterday." He said, staring at the wall.

"He's coming after Harry." Sirius said.

It took Calandra just a moment to understand what Sirius was saying. Her heart skipped a beat and she had to set her teacup down, her hands were shaking so much.

"How?" she asked. "How does he know?"

Sirius shook his head.

"I don't know. He just told them that he was certain You-Know-Who was going to come for Harry. That they were all in danger."

Calandra's mind raced.

"They've been in hiding for months." She said. "What could he want with Harry?"

"I don't know." Sirius said.

"We could send them to America." She said. "He might not think to look for them there. Or Egypt; they say there's a whole city down there that's unplottable."

"Dumbledore's offered to cast the Fidelius Charm for them." Sirius said.

Calandra breathed a sigh of relief. She'd forgotten about the Fidelius Charm.

"That's perfect, then." She said, sitting forward. "Even if he was standing right in front of them, he couldn't get to them with the charm."

Sirius nodded.

"Hey." Calandra laid a hand on his arm. "What's wrong?"

"I offered to be secret keeper." He said.

"Ok." Calandra said slowly.

"Prongs didn't say yes yet." He said. "He was concerned."

Sirius shook his head and let out a bark of laughter.

"Concerned." He repeated. "For me."

"He didn't want me to be a target because of him." Sirius said. "Told Dumbledore I'd offered, but didn't tell him if he'd agreed yet."

Calandra looked down at the paper in front of Sirius. He'd scribbled names and places all over the paper. Thick lines crossed out most of the names. Calandra saw Dorcas's name on the page with a harsh black line through it. Benjy's name was slashed out. Gideon's and Fabian's were the same. Calandra swallowed and looked back to Sirius. Was he picturing James and Lily and Harry as names on the page? Bisected by deadly black ink.

"I'm going to talk to him, again." Sirius said, standing up. "Keeping Harry safe is the most important thing."

Calandra nodded and lifted her face when he leant toward her to kiss her cheek.

"I'll be home in a bit, love." He murmured.

"Be safe." Calandra said, and watched him disappear though the fireplace.

She sat at the table for almost an hour, staring at the teacup in front of her, lost in thought. The Fidelius Charm was bonding. The secret keeper had to willingly give up the information. She knew Sirius would never do that.

What if they came after him, though? Sirius would be in incredible danger. They'd try to torture it out of him for sure. What would happen when that didn't work? What if they killed him? Would the charm break with his death? Sirius would be the first person they'd go after. Everyone in the Order would be a suspect, really.

Calandra nodded as the idea started to take form in her mind. She wasn't a member of the Order.

* * *

October 23, 1981

"Sirius." Calandra said the next morning.

Sirius hummed acknowledgement as he read the paper.

"I'll be the secret keeper." She said.

Sirius looked at her and shook his head.

"I will." Calandra said. "You can talk to James and explain the advantages of it being someone who isn't a member of the Order."

"No." Sirius said.

"I can do this." Calandra said.

"No!" Sirius shook his head.

"You said yourself that James was worried about you." she said. "This will keep all of you safe."

"NO!" Sirius said. "James and I talked about it last night. Dumbledore's casting the spell, there's a plan in place."

"I can do it." Calandra said quietly. "He may not be my brother, but he's still my friend. They both are. I'd never do anything that would put them in danger."

Sirius's face softened and he nodded.

"I know." He said. "I know you'd never tell a soul."

He kissed her cheek and ran a hand down her arm.

"But, like I said." He gave her a quick smile. "There's no need. Prongs and I already talked it over."

Calandra drew back and searched his face. He was trying to keep his voice light and unbothered, but she saw right through it. He squeezed her hand and kissed her nose.

"I've got to go take care of some things today." He said, standing and shrugging on his jacket. "Please don't go outside anywhere without me. I know you think it's over and he can't find you anymore, but I want to be absolutely sure. Especially now."

Calandra nodded and tossed him the keys to his motorbike. He caught them with a grin and leant down to her.

"I love you." he said against her mouth.

"I love you, too." Calandra replied.

The more Calandra thought about the state of things, the more worried she got. She couldn't figure out why Voldemort would want anything with Harry. He was just a kid, still a baby. What sort of threat could he possibly pose?

Calandra tidied up the flat and sat on the floor of the bedroom, spreading parchment out in front of her. She scribbled dates and times and places, trying to figure out what connection Harry could possibly have to Voldemort that would make him be a target. She sat, gazing down at the parchment when a note caught her eye.

Last spring Voldemort and Death Eaters went after the Undersecretary to the Minister. James & Lily smuggled her out. James had transfigured them all into falcons and they'd flown away. Calandra paused and thought back. James and Lily had taken the her to Edinburgh.

No. That couldn't be right.

She'd had been written up in the Daily Prophet the very next day. They'd been photographed outside of the House of Commons in London. But Calandra was sure, they'd taken someone to Edinburgh. Then she remembered.

Alice.

Alice and Frank had taken someone to Edinburgh. They'd helped Moody capture one of the Notts and had apparated Bartemius Crouch out just as Voldemort arrived. Alice had come home shaking that night. She could barely write in the journal. It was her first run in with him.

Calandra's blood ran cold as she looked back down at the parchment in front of her. They were in the Order. Alice and Frank had rescued someone Voldemort wanted, too. They had a baby, too. A little boy. A little boy whose birthday was almost the exact same as Harry's. What if Dumbledore got it wrong? What if it wasn't Harry at all? What if it was Neville? What if Voldemort came after Neville and there was no Fidelius Charm to keep him safe?

Calandra stood up and threw on the first jacket she came to; one of Sirius's old riding jackets. She tore through the house and jumped in the fireplace, flinging floo powder inside and nearly shouting the address. She whirled out of the fireplace in the Longbottom's living room. Frank poked his head in from the hall and gave her a puzzled look.

"Hey, Callie." He said. "Everything ok? We weren't expecting you."

"I need to talk to you. And Alice." Calandra said.

"She's in Neville's room." Frank motioned down the hall.

Calandra rushed down the hallway and into Neville's room. Alice was reading him a book, gently rocking back and forth in the rocking chair. She looked up in surprise when Calandra entered the room.

"Callie!" she said. "What's going on?"

"You all have to go." Calandra said.

Frank and Alice exchanged puzzled glances with each other.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked.

"You-Know-Who is coming after someone." Calandra said. "I don't know if I'm allowed to say who and I don't even know why. They seem confident that they know who he's coming after."

Calandra knelt in front of Alice.

"But if they're wrong, I think Neville is in danger."

Alice clutched Neville to her and stared at Calandra.

"Callie." She said. "Are you ok? What is all this?"

"I don't know." Calandra felt tears well up in her eyes. "All I know, is that I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that you're not safe."

Frank came to stand beside Alice. He laid a hand on her shoulder and knelt down to face Calandra.

"Callie." He said softly. "We're safe here. We've got the best protection the Aurors can give. You should know that."

Calandra pursed her lips and shook her head.

"I know." She said. "I know. But something's wrong. I can feel it."

Alice passed Neville off to Frank and sank beside Calandra.

"Callie. What happened?" she asked.

"You-Know-Who is coming after someone. I don't know why, but he's coming for them. We both know that's as good as a death sentence." Calandra said.

Alice nodded.

"The person who relayed the information seems to be certain that they know who he's coming for. But I can't take that chance." Calandra gripped Alice's hands. "If they're wrong, he might come for you. For all of you; Frank and Neville, too. I can't lose you all Alice. I can't."

Alice wrapped an arm around Calandra and looked up to her husband.

"Frank's mum has a few different properties throughout the country." She said slowly. "We could make one a safe house with the Auror department and go there for a bit."

Frank nodded and stroked Neville's hair.

"Use every concealment charm you can." Calandra said. "Everything. Every ward, every deflection spell, everything. Ok?"

Alice and Frank nodded.

"Wherever it is, I can keep it secret." She said, willing Alice to understand.

Alice cocked her head to the side and studied Calandra.

"That's what's happening to the others isn't it?" she asked. "They're using the Fidelius Charm?"

Calandra nodded. Frank hoisted Neville up on his shoulder and patted his back. Alice's eyes flicked between Calandra's for a moment and she nodded.

"We'll go." She said. "We'll ward it and conceal it, but I can't ask you to do that."

"I'm offering." Calandra said quickly. "I'm offering. You don't have to ask."

Alice held Calandra's hands in her own.

"You'd be the first person they'd go to, Callie." She said. "If they had any sense at all, they'd know you would be the one. I can't do that to you."

"I'll go into hiding, too." Calandra said. "I already am. I don't care if they come for me."

Alice shook her head firmly.

"No, Callie. You're not doing this for me, too." She said. "You promised, remember?"

Calandra wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes. She stared at Alice's pretty round face and wished that there was some magical answer that could keep them all safe. Calandra wrapped her arms around her friend and whispered in her ear.

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you, too Callie."

"You have to stay safe, ok?"

"That's my line, remember?"

Calandra choked out a laugh and pulled back.

"We'll pack everything tonight and let Moody know tomorrow. He and Frank's mum and Dumbledore will be the only ones to know, besides you." Alice said.

Calandra nodded. Frank reached out a hand and helped her to her feet. Neville opened his eyes sleepily and reached for Calandra. Calandra held him, without a moment's hesitation. She held him to her chest and felt the thumping of his heart against her own.

Alice and Frank moved to the doorway, whispering to one another, discussing what they'd pack and how long they'd be gone. But Calandra just stood there, with Neville. He settled against her contentedly and let out a soft sigh. Calandra closed her eyes and rubbed his back. For a moment everything was alright with the world. There was no dark wizard hunting people down. There was no horrid father trying to lock people up in boxes. There were no Death Eaters torturing friends. There was just her and Neville.


	52. Chapter 52

October 2, 1998

She stared up at the white ceiling and took a moment to gather herself. She didn't have to try to remember these thoughts. She couldn't forget them if she tried. And she had tried. If she didn't remember them during the day, they came to her at night as nightmares.

* * *

October 31, 1981

Calandra was just pulling on her cloak when it appeared. A shaggy silver dog wisping through the window.

"They're gone."

His voice broke when he said the word gone. She'd never heard it sound like that in her life. It tore her heart apart as the words finally sunk in.

She knew exactly who he was talking about.

No.

No. It couldn't be true.

She had to go check on him. On them. See for herself. She ran out of the flat, not bothering to set the wards and went running down to the corner where she apparated to Godric's Hollow. She sprinted down the road. It was a clear night, but hardly any people were out. She looked around, a few people peered out of their windows; faces peeking out from behind clutched curtains.

She almost fell over when she saw the house. The house she'd visited so many times. The house she'd helped paint. It was a wreck. Part of it demolished completely.

They're gone. That's what he'd said. He didn't say what had happened. They could've left before the attack. Where was Sirius? He'd obviously already been here if he knew they were gone. Was he with them?

She stepped through the doorway and choked back a sob. James Potter lay at her feet. Black hair messy as ever, glasses askew, face peaceful as if he'd laid down to go to sleep. The charm didn't work. Why didn't the charm work? She knelt beside him, hands shaking. She wanted to hold him, to bring him back, to do something to help. She straightened his glasses. She held his lifeless hand. She felt for a pulse she knew wasn't there and felt tears on her cheeks. She couldn't help him.

Lily. She couldn't help James, but she needed to find Lily. To help her.

She rose and rushed past the doorway to the kitchen down the hall towards the stairs. She took them two at a time hoping and praying she wouldn't find her up here.

She made it to the landing and looked up at the open doorway to Harry's room. She was going to be sick. A figure in a long black cloak lay in the doorway. She stepped over it and saw the pale face and immediately felt bile churn in her stomach.

Her last glimmer of hope died when she saw Lily. Sprawled in front of the crib, red hair fanned out around her, one arm seeming to reach for the small bed. Calandra knelt by her side and cried. She smoothed her hair back and caressed her cheek. She felt like she was dying inside. Her heart broke for her friends; new parents with their whole life ahead of them. Her heart broke for Sirius. His brother ripped away from him.

She looked up at the crib. It was empty; that didn't surprise her. Sirius would have Harry. She needed to find them. She looked back down at her friend. She couldn't just leave them like broken furniture on the floor.

Calandra stood up and went to the dresser next to the crib and pulled out two clean white sheets. She knelt down next to Lily and smoothed her hair out once more. She straightened her jumper and made sure her eyes were closed, then draped the sheet over her. She walked past the figure in the doorway. If she could've stomached touching it, she would've given it a proper thrashing. But she couldn't. She made her way down the stairs and kneeled beside James. She pushed his glasses up his nose and straightened his collar. She smoothed her hand over his hair knowing it wouldn't make it lay flat. She made sure his eyes, like his wife's, were closed and draped the second sheet over him.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered to them. "I'm so sorry. I loved you both so much. He loved you both so much."

She cast a weather protection charm on the house and walked out the door. The ministry would be there soon. Sirius had probably already sent word. They probably wouldn't like what she'd done, but she could always submit memories if they wanted them. It just didn't seem right to leave them like that.

She felt a spattering of raindrops hit her head as she looked around. She had to find him.

She apparated back on the corner where their flat was and ran up the stairs. He still wasn't home. She had to get to him. They had to figure out why the charm didn't work.

She had to think. He'd have taken Harry someplace safe.

She apparated to his Uncle's old house in the country and searched the house. She knew there were wards set up to trick the revealing spells. So she searched the property herself. She searched the guest house and the barn, too. He wasn't there.

She went to Alice's. It was dark there. Then she remembered they'd gone to Frank's mother's place. Sirius didn't know where they went, so she was certain he hadn't gone to them.

She apparated to the forest beside Peter's hideout and ran to the little cottage he was living in. The door was open, and no one was in the house. He wasn't there.

It was nearing morning. She had to find him.

She checked the muggle mechanic shop where Sirius had befriended the welder. He wasn't there.

She apparated to the decoy flat he bought. Not there either.

She took out the bottlecap he'd given her for emergencies and tore off her glove. She felt a jerk behind her navel as soon as her skin touched the metal. She stood in the shrieking shack. So, this is where her portkey went. She looked around the room, but he wasn't there. She went down the tunnel, but it was empty.

She walked outside and looked at the sky.

"Where are you?" she whispered.

Was he safe enough for her to send an owl or a Patronus? Were Death Eaters after them still? He'd taken his bike…they could be anywhere.

She searched everywhere she could think of. Every place magic or muggle that he might hide. Her feet ached and her lungs burned from running so much. She searched well into the day, but it was no use. She couldn't find them.

There was one other place she could go. She knew Sirius was wary. Knew that they'd argued over something and he'd had doubts, but Calandra had to try. She glanced up at the sky. It should be safe enough. She took a deep breath, focused on the spot Lily had mentioned, and apparated to the south forest. She marched into the woods and made her way to the tiny cabin that sat at the edge of the hillside. She walked up the rickety steps and pounded on the door.

"Remus! Remus! Open the door, please."

The door swung open and Remus Lupin stood on the other side, looking tired and wan. He cast an appraising glance over her as she rushed over her next words.

"Remus! Please, I need help. I have to find him."

She was sobbing now. She'd been so worried about Remus for months, and here he was. James and Lily were dead. Sirius was missing. It was all hitting her. Remus just stared at her.

"Didn't you hear me!" she said, her voice rising with each word. "You have to help me find him. You have to help me help him!"

He gave her a cold look, and his voice was acid when he spoke.

"After all he's done, you'd still go to him?"

She winced, thinking back to how hurt she'd been when Sirius left. How she'd gone to Remus looking like death warmed over. Of how he'd never responded to any of her owls after that fight with Sirius.

"Of course. I love him." she said getting ready to tell him everything she'd seen that day, but he barked out a cruel laugh.

"Go home." he said and slammed the door in her face.

"Remus Please! Please!" she begged, beating on the door. "Please, I know you argued, I know you don't want to see me, but please! I have to find him. Please! Please!"

She begged and screamed and pounded the door. She drew her wand and tried to blast it open, tried to jinx the lock, tried everything to open it but he'd warded it too well.

She cried as she ran through the forest and apparated back to London. Gray clouds rolled overhead.

She found herself on the street leading back up to her house when she overheard two people talking in low voices. The words "wand" and "muggle" made her look up looked and she realized they were wizards. One was a middle-aged man in a green hat and the other an old man with a long white beard.

"Apparently was secretly working for You Know Who the whole time." The man in the green hat said.

"Well, what do you expect from a Black." The other murmured.

She stopped, confused, Regulus joining the Death Eaters wasn't a secret. Why would they think it was?

"Straight to Azkaban with him, Crouch said." The old man said, and her blood ran cold.

Regulus was dead, he couldn't be in Azkaban.

That meant.

No.

No. No. No.

She disapparated on the spot, focusing on the apparition point near the North Sea.

Why would they take him? He had nothing to do with Voldemort. The wind whipped her hair around her face as she gazed out at her surroundings. She heard waves crash somewhere off to her right, so she followed the sound. She came upon a rather forlorn beach. Seaweed littered the shore and the grey of the sky met the grey of the ocean, giving the whole scene an overwhelmingly melancholy feeling.

She stumbled down a sand dune and looked out at sea. Fog and mist clouded her vision, but she knew it was out there somewhere. She pushed her hair out of her face as she scanned the horizon. Her vision swam with dreary grey. She had to get to him.

She ran down the long dock and pried up a board. She transfigured it into a boat with her wand and jumped in. She stuck her wand in the water and chanted the speed incantation over and over, willing the little boat to go faster. Farther and farther she went out to sea. The spray from the waves fell against her face as she looked straight into the distance. The mist got thicker. The farther out she went, the colder the air got. She shivered as she felt the water grow icier around her hand.

She strained to see through the heavy fog and felt despair creep through her bones. She shook her head to clear it and kept going into the mist. She was very close. She could feel it. Calandra felt her chest burn as she focused her mind on the prison she knew was out here. She had to find it.

The little boat rocked in the waves and Calandra looked down. She was no longer moving. The boat was just floating there on the stormy water. She gazed out around her, but there was nothing. Of course there was nothing. Azkaban was unplottable.

Calandra let out a scream of frustration and stared at the mist in front of her. It was there. She knew it. She cast revealing charms and tried to apparate in. Nothing. Calandra screamed into the fog. Her throat burned.

"Show yourself!"

All of a sudden, the prison loomed up out of the water in front of her.

She looked up and could see figures on the top landing of that huge stone structure. Dementors with their ragged robes floated, but people were there too. They moved inside.

She had to get to him. She had to.

Her boat knocked against a mooring at the bottom of the prison. She cursed herself and conjured a broom, she should've done that in the first place. She flew up to the precipice where she saw people earlier and found herself standing at a doorway.

She felt the chill of the dementors and shivered. She had to get him out of there. Calandra squared her shoulders and ran inside. Something tugged at her arm so hard it nearly popped her shoulder out of socket. She spun around expecting to find a dementor or some sort of guard, but there was no one. She yanked her arm, but she couldn't enter. Well she could, all except her right hand. She tugged and tugged but it was stuck outside by some invisible force. She looked down and realized it was her wand. She couldn't take her wand with her.

She dropped it, turned around, and ran.

She skirted along the wall and turned towards the hallway where a faint light was coming from. She heard people talking and ran to see who it was.

She burst into a huge corridor with cells all along either side and a cell at the main end. She saw two dementors dragging a person toward the cell at the end of the corridor. He was laughing and sobbing and shaking his head. Black hair fanned and fell into his face with each turn of his head.

The dementors threw Sirius in the cell and the bars clanged shut.

"No!" she screamed, and he looked up, his face showing amazement through the curtain of dark hair.

"No! Expecto Patronum!" she yelled and the dementors faded back at the light that burst out of her outstretched palm.

She ran to him and pulled on the bars.

"I won't let this happen! I love you. I love you." She panted trying to budge the bars.

"What is the meaning of this?" she whirled around and saw Bartemius Crouch at the end of the corridor with Dumbledore not far behind him.

"He is innocent. You can't keep him here. He's innocent" she cried

"This man is a murderer and is getting everything he deserves." Crouch roared at her and called for more guards.

"No, No, No, you can't do this. No!" She cried as a wave of iciness crashed over her.

Her heart pumped thickly in her chest as she tried to fight through the despair she felt. Her mother's laugh echoed in her mind and was swiftly replaced by her father's cruel sneer. She was being enveloped by darkness and had to get out.

An icy chill washed over her as she relived drowning in freezing water. Deeper and deeper the chill went into her mind until she thought she'd never be happy again. Crouch stalked towards her and she looked up to see dementors crowding the corridor and the cells around her. She looked back at those grey eyes and she felt like her soul was ripping open.

She felt cold clammy hands wrap around her arms.

"NOOOOOO!" she screamed.

Her voice like she'd never heard it before, bouncing off the walls of the prison and back to her. It was savage; full of rage, but strangely beautiful. There was an echo of something ethereal to it. Her voice wrenched from her body and she flung her hands out in front of her. Fire was burning inside her, and she had to get it out. She had to get him out. Blue and silver sparks shot out from her fingertips and spread in wide circle. She saw the dementors fade back and the force of the silver light knocked Sirius back from the bars. She heard the men behind her stumble and fall.

Her voice roared and reverberated against the stone, then cracked. She felt something in her shatter and the wind went out of her.

She could feel her nose bleeding and her eyes were wet, but when she wiped her face a blueish silvery substance came away on her hand. Her hands were shaking, and she was having trouble standing. She fell to her knees and crawled toward Sirius.

"I…Love…You." she gasped.

Her voice. Something was wrong with her voice.

He gazed at her. Pressed his face up to the bars. She could see glittering wisps in the corners of his eyes.

"No, No," she rasped. "I'll get you out"

She heard Crouch getting to his feet behind her.

"Please," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers through the bars.

She choked out a sob as she reached up and grasped the wisps in her hand. She pressed her lips to his and forced herself to speak.

"Don't you dare...die in here, Black. I...promise I'll -"

"Get away from the prisoner. You'll see him again soon enough, don't worry." Crouch dragged her back.

She fought against him, but something was wrong with her. She couldn't even stand.

She clutched the wisps to her lips and breathed them in. She struggled against Crouch and looked back at Sirius.

"I love you." she managed to croak.

Calandra watched his lips move and she barely caught the words "I love you" before her world went black.


	53. Chapter 53

November 3, 1981

Calandra opened her eyes to find a white ceiling above her. _Home_. She closed her eyes again to rest, then they snapped back open. She wasn't at home. Where was she? She blinked and turned her head. Grey walls and a tile floor. There were no windows in the room and very little furniture; the bed she must be laying on and a chair pushed under a desk, that was it. To her left was a doorway with no door. She saw a sink and a bathtub in the room beyond the doorway. To her right was a door with a very small window in it, except the window wasn't made of glass, it was made of something else. It shone blue.

Where was she? How did she get here?

She tried to sit up and felt an aching in her head. Her throat hurt horribly. She felt like she'd been in a duel. Her ribs were sore, and her arms felt like they'd been pulled from their sockets.

What had happened? How did she get here?

She heard a noise and saw the door open. Albus Dumbledore entered the room and it all came flooding back.

Sirius.

They'd thrown him in Azkaban. She had to get him out.

"I see you're awake, Ms. White." Dumbledore said calmly. "I want to inform you that you are safe here and will receive the best of care."

"You have…. to….get ….Sirius… out." Each word was torture, ripped from her throat.

"You know, as well as I do, that I cannot do that." Dumbledore said, holding his hands together.

"He…didn't ….do it." Her voice was hoarse, barely a whisper, and wholly unfamiliar. "Charm….didn't work."

"I can assure you, the charm worked. I know it for a fact." Dumbledore said.

Calandra shook her head.

"He.….didn't" she croaked.

"Ms. White," Dumbledore said gently. "The charm worked. James himself told me he'd trust Sirius with his life. There's no other way they could've been found."

"No….No…He….wouldn't." she struggled with each word.

Dumbledore just shook his head. He peered at her over his glasses.

"You exhibited quite remarkable magic back there. Very powerful magic." His voice was measured, his eyes guarded. "I hadn't realized just how powerful while you were at school."

"Get him….out. Harry…needs him." She closed her eyes, focusing on forcing the words out.

"Harry is quite safe. He was retrieved by Hagrid on my orders and brought to his family's house. He will be safe there." Dumbledore pulled out the only chair in the room and settled himself in it.

Calandra shook her head. She raised herself up on the bed, panting with the effort.

"Awful…can't stay…there." She rasped. "Pleas-"

Her voice broke and she coughed.

Dumbledore gave her a shrewd look.

"Ms. White, apart from the fact that Harry is safest with his family, there is nowhere else for him to go. Now, I am here to speak to you on your behalf. When you were taken out of Azkaban, Mr. Crouch was quite insistent on you ending up back there. I interceded due to your condition and he agreed for you to come here, since the only real harm you inflicted was on yourself."

She opened her mouth to tell him to send her back, but he held up a long, thin finger.

"You will not be going back to Azkaban." Dumbledore said firmly. "It will take some time for you to recuperate. You did a lot of damage to yourself. Your magic is unstable, and your health is also not up to par right now. I've checked you into St. Mungos and spoken with the healer most seasoned with injuries such as yours. It is possible that you will make a full recovery, but it will take time. Lots of time."

She put in all the effort she had and sat up. She threw her feet over the edge of the bed, breathing hard. She swallowed and winced at the pain. She couldn't stay here. She had to get him out and had to help him get to Harry.

"I….won't…stay." She swallowed forcing the words out. "Can't make…..me…..he's inn…cent."

Dumbledore's mouth set in a thin line.

"I implore you, Ms. White, to think for a moment." He stood and walked over to the bed. "Can you prove that Sirius Black is innocent? Were you with him the entire week that followed the cast of the Fidelius Charm? Did the Potters explicitly tell you Sirius was not their secret keeper?"

She stared at him, her lips trembling.

"No." She whispered. "But..."

"He all but admitted to killing James and Lily Potter. Sometimes the people we trust hide things about their selves, do they not?" he gave her a pointed look. "Your focuses should be on healing."

"I'll find…a way." She breathed heavily. "I'll….get…him out…..Har…ry needs…him."

Dumbledore sighed a heavy sigh.

"Harry is safe. You're in no shape to leave this room, Ms. White."

"I…will….be." she glared at him.

Dumbledore pushed his glasses up his nose. He walked over to the door and put his hand on the knob. He didn't turn back to look at her when he spoke.

"Ms. White, I ask you once again, focus on your healing and not on Sirius Black."

He swept through the door and Calandra was alone again. She fell back against the pillows, exhausted. Dumbledore was wrong. Sirius was innocent. Her head swam and her heart beat madly. She'd convince them. She'd get him out. Her last thought was of warm grey eyes before she faded out of consciousness.

* * *

November 4, 1981

She woke to find herself staring at a white ceiling. For about half a second Calandra was at home, lying in bed with Sirius. Then reality crashed down around her. She looked around the room. St Mungo's. She needed to get out of here. She tried sitting up in her bed but couldn't. She grunted and pushed her arms against the mattress, forcing herself up. Her head rolled to her shoulder. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to hold it upright. Everything in her burned with the effort.

Calandra felt her arms trembling and swung her right leg out of the bed. She gripped the edge of the bed and sat there breathing heavily. She grabbed her left leg and forced it over the edge of the bed. She had to get to the door. Had to get out. She placed her feet flat on the ground and stood, still clutching the edge of the bed.

She stood up straight and slid one foot forward, not trusting herself enough to pick it up off the floor. She wobbled and steadied herself. Calandra took a breath. She moved her other foot forward and crumbled to the floor. She lay there in a heap, panting trying to think through the burning pain.

She got to her knees and slowly inched her way to the door. She collapsed when she got to it, her cheek against the cold tile floor. She lay there gasping for breath for what felt like an eternity.

 _Get up_ , she thought. _You have to get up. Go get him._

She rolled onto her side and dug one elbow into the floor. She grunted and pushed herself up until she was sitting. She leaned against the wall and reached her hand up feeling for the doorknob. Her fingers closed around it and she smiled faintly.

_Now get up. You can't crawl out of here. Get up._

She sucked a deep rattling breath in and used everything in her to stand, still gripping the doorknob. She placed a hand against the wall, bracing herself and turned the knob. It was locked. Locked. They'd locked her in.

She let out a half sob. She pulled her hand back and pointed a couple shaking fingers at the knob. She choked out "Alohamora" and listened for the click.

Nothing happened.

She tried again. Still nothing. She went through all the opening and unlocking spells she knew, but nothing happened. Her magic wasn't working. She slid back down to the floor and cried. She beat her fists limply on the door.

"Please." she forced her voice out. "Please."

Her head ached with the effort of forcing herself to talk and her vision blurred. She fell back against the wall. She reached her hands out one more time and focused on the door. She used all her strength to make her voice anything other than a raspy whisper.

"Anoixe." echoed off the walls.

The door swung open as Calandra's head hit the floor.

* * *

November 15, 1981

She heard someone talking. She couldn't make out their words. Her head felt like it was stuffed with wet cotton. She tried to swallow but her throat burned. She coughed and tried to open her eyes. They were so heavy. She felt hands on her face. They turned her head from side to side.

Calandra finally opened her eyes. She saw a woman in front of her using a wand to measure out different potions. The vials clinked together, and the sound echoed in her head. This was the only other person she'd seen besides Dumbledore. She had to tell her.

"Out." she whispered.

The lady's head jerked up. She frowned at Calandra.

"No talking dear. You've done quite the number on yourself. If you ever want to be able to use your voice again, no talking. Not for about another week. After that we can see."

The woman raised her wand in front of Calandra and she saw a bright light. She closed her eyes; it was too much. She didn't have the energy to do anything else.

The woman in front of her held something to her lips and said, "Drink up. This will help."

She didn't know if she swallowed or not. Her throat burned and she wanted to go home. Finally, her head stopped aching and she slipped into a deep sleep.

* * *

November 22, 1981

Calandra felt hands touch her face. They moved down her neck and tilted her head to one side. Try as she might, she couldn't get her eyes to open. The person holding her head lay it back on the pillow. Calandra saw bright colors dance behind her eyelids as the person moved along the bed.

The sheets rustled and Calandra felt someone lean over her legs. Someone touched her feet, then moved to her hands. Calandra heard them murmuring and tried to open her eyes.

She needed to talk to them. To tell them what happened. She had to speak to someone, had to make them listen to her.

_He is innocent! Sirius Black is innocent! Please listen to me!_

She begged the person in the room to listen to her. To hear her words and take them to the ministry.

_Please hear me. He's innocent._

Calandra heard the steady thump of footsteps quickly fade away and she knew she was alone again. Her head pounded and she slowly sank into darkness, her last thoughts echoing what she wanted so badly to say.

* * *

November 30, 1981

Calandra was groggy. She blinked her eyes open and turned her head to the side. A woman was using a quill to write something on a piece of parchment. She had bright green robes on. They hurt Calandra's eyes. She swallowed. Her throat was sore, but no longer had the burning sensation it had before. She swallowed and tried to clear her throat. The woman looked over at her. She finished her writing and turned around.

"Well, dear. We didn't expect you to really wake up for another eight or nine days." The woman spoke matter of factly.

"Don't try to speak. Not just yet." The witch bustled around her to the other side of the bed and drew a vial out of her pocket.

"Here, now." She said. "Drink this."

Calandra swallowed the liquid. It burned her throat. She winced and lay her head back on the pillows. She stared up at the white ceiling and thought of him. She replayed his last "I love you" over and over in her head until her eyes were too heavy to keep open.

"Just rest." She heard someone say.

She wanted to laugh. Rest was the furthest thing from her mind. Footsteps echoed through the room. The woman was leaving.

_Stop. Please, stop._

Calandra had to make her stay, had to make her understand. She had to stop the woman from leaving. Had to talk to her, had to tell her Sirius was innocent. She fought to stay awake but couldn't fight the exhaustion that pulled at her mind. Slowly she faded off to sleep.

* * *

December 7, 1981

Calandra opened her eyes to find a white ceiling, awash in a soft glowing light. She turned her head to the door, where the light was emanating from. Opaque blue shone out from the small square there. She blinked her eyes, waiting for the familiar headache to make its appearance.

Nothing.

She felt fine. Not great, but fine. Her throat still ached, but her head no longer felt stuffed full of cotton. There was no pounding in her temples. She lifted her hands up to look at them. Her arms didn't burn with pain when she moved them. She was still sore, but the pain was nothing like it had been before.

Calandra tried to sit up but couldn't move more than a couple inches. She leant back into the mattress and gathered her strength, holding onto the bed for support. She lifted her head and tried to sit up. Something held her down. She looked down at herself but saw no straps or binds.

Why was she bound? Was it because of Sirius? Because she tried to help him? She had to talk to the healers. Had to explain everything, had to get him out.

The door swung open and an elderly witch strode into the room.

"Please!" Calandra called to the woman.

Her voice wasn't as broken as before, but it still came out raspy and choked. It felt as if the loudest she could speak was a whisper.

"Why am I restrained? I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm trying to help him. I'm trying to help Sirius. He's innocent."

The witch shook her head at Calandra and pulled her wand from her pocket.

"You're restrained because it's safest for you and for your healer." The witch said.

"What?" Calandra asked, dazedly.

"Your magic has put us through the wringer." The witch explained while running her wand over Calandra. "You've stunned two healers and grew one's ears to the size of elephant ears."

"No. I'm sorry." Calandra stammered. "I never meant to do that."

"That's the problem, dear." The witch pocketed her wand and strode to the table beside Calandra's bed.

She poured out two vials of potion, one vivid blue, the other a dak swirling purple. The witch held out the blue potion first.

"Bottom's up, Ms. White."

Calandra tilted the vial back and winced as the potion slid down her throat. The witch handed the other glass to her and she swallowed it, enjoying the numbing sensation it sent down her throat. It stopped the burning of the first potion.

"How long until they heal my throat?" she asked the witch. "When can I leave? I need to meet with the ministry. I have to get him out."

The healer turned to Calandra.

"As long as the potion burns, your voice still isn't healed." She said. "You won't be able to leave until your magic is under control. It's quite dangerous at the moment, especially if you're upset or agitated."

"But, nothing's happened." Calandra said. "I haven't done anything. I was panicked before you even came in."

The healer glanced toward the vials on the table. With a wave of her wand she floated them over to her hand. Calandra waited for her to answer her question, but the witch didn't say a word. Calandra looked to where the vials of potion used to sit on the table by her bed. The blue one burned, horribly. But the purple one dulled the pain.

_No_

They couldn't. They weren't.

Calandra looked back to the healer.

"You're…you're..." her voice shook. "You're taking my magic. I don't have-"

"It is a necessary precaution, Ms. White." The healer said.

"No!" she tried to yell. "No! You can't do this! No!"

Calandra struggled in the invisible bonds that kept her on the bed. She pulled and scratched at her torso, trying to get a grip on what something that could free her. Her voice came out in ragged gasps and shrieks of pain as she cried "No!" over and over again.

The healer was speaking to her, but Calandra didn't hear her. She fought and kicked and tried to summon her magic to break the spell that held her down. She pulled with all her strength to lift her body off the bed. She made it four inches from the mattress when a stunning spell caught her in the stomach.

* * *

December 11, 1981

"Sirius Black is innocent. He did not harm the Potters." Calandra said to the ceiling, as the healer ran a wand over her body.

The healer did not respond.

"He is innocent. Please, let me speak to the Wizengemot."

The healer was silent.

"He is innocent." Calandra said, feeling her voice grow weaker.

The healer held a glass vial up to Calandra's lips. Calandra pursed her lips and shook her head. The healer cast her eyes toward the ceiling before prying Calandra's mouth open and tilting the vial up.

Calandra's throat burned and ached. She swallowed over and over again, trying to cool the burning feeling. She gasped for air and felt more liquid fill her mouth. A tear slid from her eye as the new potion coolly worked its way down her throat. The aching feeling faded away and the healer left. Calandra stared up at the white ceiling and cried.

* * *

December 17, 1981

"Can I sit up?" Calandra asked the healer.

The witch peered at Calandra and raised her eyebrows.

"Are you going try to escape?" she asked.

Calandra's heart stuttered, but she was a second too late with the shake of her head.

"I'm afraid I can't release the bonds." The healer said. "Your magic is far too dangerous."

* * *

December 28, 1981

Calandra swallowed the potion willingly. She'd not said anything else about Sirius for the past two weeks, biting her tongue every time the healer entered the room and every time she left. Calandra didn't struggle against the bonds anymore and opened her mouth obediently when the healer held the potions up. The healer nodded, approvingly at her and Calandra took a breath.

"Can I please sit up?" she asked.

The healer peered at her and narrowed her eyes.

"Please. I don't like being tied down."

The old witch studied Calandra and gave a resigned nod. She waved her wand and Calandra felt the tension leave her torso. Calandra sat up and swung her legs off the bed. She forced herself to smile at the witch.

"Thank you." she said.

The healer nodded and left the room.

Calandra stood up and clutched the table by the bed. Her legs were shaky, and her head swam, but she was finally out of the blasted bed. She leaned against the table and cautiously tested her strength. She took shuffling steps to the wall and gasped in pain at the cramps that made her right leg spasm.

She crumbled against the wall and went to her knees. Calandra gritted her teeth and turned to sit against the wall. She stretched her legs out in front of her and flexed her muscle, trying to find where the spasms originated from. She dug the heel of her palm into her upper thigh and rubbed the knot that had formed.

Calandra forced herself to knead her aching muscles until she collapsed with exhaustion from the whole ordeal. She lay on the floor staring at the feet of the tub in the bathroom until she fell asleep.

* * *

December 30, 1981

Two days later Calandra was up walking again. She made laps in the small room until her legs shook, trying to build herself back up. The healer came in everyday and gave her potions, then promptly left. Calandra never saw another human being. Food appeared twice a day on the tray by her bed. Toiletries seemed to replenish themselves after each use.

Calandra stared at the potions the healer left on the bedside table. She had to talk to someone else. The healer wouldn't listen to her, she didn't trust Calandra at all. Calandra's eyes twitched as she looked at the potions. If she stopped taking them, would they send in another healer? If this healer wasn't getting the job done they'd have to send in someone knew wouldn't they?

* * *

January 6, 1982

"I won't take them." Calandra crossed her arms.

The mediwitch flicked a bored glance at Calandra.

"I won't take the potions." Calandra repeated. "I want to speak to another healer about them. I want a second opinion."

The old witch rolled her eyes and set the potions down.

"You'll take them." She said.

"No." Calandra said, firmly. "I won't. Not that one."

She pointed to the vial with the swirling purple liquid.

"Suit yourself." The healer said and walked out the door.

Calandra sat on the edge of her bed glaring at the potions for hours. That night was the first night in a long time, she went to sleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

January 15, 1982

Calandra paced the room. The healer should've been here. She came every single day, probably at the same time, though Calandra couldn't be sure. Why wasn't she here today? Were they sending a new healer?

It had been eight days since Calandra had refused the magic suppressing potions. The healer didn't try to force her to take them or anything. She simply brought in new potions every day and took away the old ones. Calandra found out why after the third day.

If she didn't take the purple potions her throat burned constantly. It was horrible, it felt like her entire neck was on fire. No matter how much water she drank, the fire would not go away. Swallowing made it worse, but Calandra couldn't stop herself from trying to swallow the fire lodged in her throat.

Some days she lay the cold stone floor with her neck stretched out against the tiles, just to try to get some relief. The healer thought Calandra would give in and take the potions herself, but Calandra knew the old woman's patience was wearing thin. She could outlast her. She would outlast her.

No healer came that day. Or the next day. Or the day after that. Six more days went by and still no healer came to Calandra's room. She walked around the room, delirious with the pain in her throat and thought about Sirius. She'd get him out. She'd beg the healer the next time she saw her. She'd do anything they asked. Anything at all, if they'd just let her talk to someone.


	54. Chapter 54

January 25, 1982

"I promise, I'll take it!" Calandra said as soon as the healer came into the room.

"I promise. I'll take the potion, but you have to let me talk to someone." She pleaded.

The healer sighed heavily.

"You are not permitted visitors." The old witch said.

"Anyone!" Calandra said past the burning in her throat.

"Someone! Anyone! Please! Alice, Frank, Remus…Anyone! I promise I'll follow the healing plan. I'll take all the potions. The magic suppressants, everything. Just let me talk to someone!"

The healer lifted her eyes to the ceiling. She heaved another sigh and set the tray of little vials on the table by the bed. The broad old witch turned and placed her hands on her hips, giving Calandra a firm look.

"You know I cannot-" she began.

"Alice Longbottom!" Calandra said. "Please. Just let me speak to her."

The mediwitch sighed again, turned around, and walked straight out the door.

Calandra jumped out of bed and rushed to the door, trying to follow the other witch. The door was firmly in place by the time Calandra got there. She pounded on the door and pleaded.

"Please!" she raised her voice as much as she could.

Her vocal cords burned.

"Please! I promise! I'll take the potions! Please!"

Calandra flung her fists at the door, hoping someone, anyone would hear her. She opened her hands and slapped her palms against the door, tip toeing until her lips were at the corner of that blue glowing window.

"Please! I just want to talk! I'll take them! Please let me speak with Alice! I'll take them! I promise!" her voice caught in her throat.

"Please!" she yelled. "Please!"

She slid to her knees at the door, hands still pressed against the cool surface. She pressed her forehead against the door, willing it to open, but knew it would remain firmly shut. She sat there, as her head started to pound and ache. Her throat burned, and she had to press her hands hard against the door to stop them from shaking. How was she going to get out of here? How was she ever going to convince them to let Sirius out?

* * *

January 26, 1982

"You have a visitor." The healer said as soon as she came into the room. She handed two vials to Calandra. Calandra tilted the potions back and swallowed them quickly. The healer promptly turned around and walked back through the doorway.

Calandra barely noticed the relief in her throat as she ran to the doorway. Alice! They'd finally let Alice come. She had her hands out in front of her, ready to embrace her friend, when a tall wizard in midnight blue robes strode into the room. Calandra's arms fell to her sides.

"Hello, Ms. White." Dumbledore said calmly.

"I thought they were letting Alice visit me." Calandra said.

"I'm afraid that isn't possible." Dumbledore said, walking to the small table by the bed.

"Why not?" Calandra demanded. "I haven't signed anything regarding my admission here. I didn't even sign myself in. I know the regulations. They can only keep me ninety days."

Dumbledore nodded, running a hand along the table.

"Yes, under normal circumstances, you'd be able to leave within the week." He said, then gave her a shrewd look. "But these are hardly normal circumstances, are they Ms. White? Your magic is still extremely unstable. Linked as it is to your voice, I daresay that until your voice is healed your magic will be quite dangerous."

"I can get healing in my own home for that." Calandra said.

"Well, it isn't really your decision to make." Dumbledore said.

"What?" Calandra expostulated. "Of course it is. I'm of age!"

"Yes, but your care was put into the next of kin while you were indisposed. In the magical coma you put yourself into." Dumbledore explained.

"I don't hav…" Calandra trailed off, bringing her hand up to her mouth.

"No." she said, horrified. "No!"

Dumbledore pushed his glasses up his nose with a long, thin finger.

"Your father has graciously paid the expense for your ward here." Dumbledore said.

"No! He has no hold over me. He can't." Calandra shook her head.

"He's your father." Dumbledore explained. "He's your only blood relation left. He is your next of kin."

"Well, I'm better now!" Calandra exclaimed. "I can take care of myself. I can deal with the healers."

"You're far from better, Ms. White." Dumbledore shook his head. "It is my understanding that if not under suppressant potions your magic is unable to be properly channeled. You pose quite a threat to yourself and those around you."

"But that's just-" Calandra said desperately. "I already agreed to take the potions. I'll sign anything they need. I'll make an unbreakable vow."

"The healers are worried about more than just your magic, Ms. White." Dumbledore said.

"I'm not crazy. I haven't gone mad. I'm fine!" Calandra exclaimed.

"The healers think differently. I saw your unstable state myself when you first came here. You were raving on about matters that were quite speculative."

"It's true!" she cried. "Sirius is innocent! He'd never do that to James! I know! I know! So would you if you cared to think about it for a bloody minute."

"I cannot say that I share your beliefs, Ms. White." He said.

"He didn't even get a trial!" Calandra said, tears streaming down her face. "He wasn't even put up before the council. How can you stand for that?"

Dumbledore was silent.

"It was not my decision." He finally said and walked toward the door.

He paused at the door, peering at the blue light that glowed form the window.

"Neither is this." He said, gesturing around the room he stood in.

"Oh really?" Calandra asked, lips curling into a sneer.

"Who informed them of my next of kin? It isn't kept record anywhere but Gringott's and Hogwart's. St. Mungo's doesn't have the means to bribe the information from the goblins."

"My emergency contact has always been Alice." Calandra said. "Frank removed my father from my file here two years ago."

"I'm very sorry, Ms. White. I hope you feel better, soon." Dumbledore said, and strode out the door.

* * *

January 29, 1982

Calandra sat at the door and pounded her fists against it. She tried to yell but no sound came out. She'd been standing against the door for the past three days alternating between slamming her fists against it, screaming her head off, and ramming the bedside table against it.

She'd hoped that the noise would attract someone's attention and they'd come check on her. She just needed one person. Anyone besides the healer that Dumbledore had in his grip. Just one person to talk to. To explain that she was trapped.

Calandra pressed her temple against the door and begged someone to hear her. Tears streamed down her face as she stared at the gray stone in front of her. She slammed her fists against the door and listened for footsteps. The air was silent. No one was coming. She was alone.

* * *

February 4, 1982

Calandra stared at the two vials of potion on the bedside table. She had about five minutes to drink them on her own before the healer would come in and stun her. Trying to refuse them didn't work anymore. She couldn't dump them down the drain. She already tried. There was some sort of shield charm on the toilet, the bathtub, and the sink. Every time she tried to get rid of the potions that way, the liquid would hang suspended in the air above the drain or the toilet, then funnel itself back into the vial.

Calandra wracked her brain, trying to think of a way to escape. She couldn't take the suppressants; how would she ever get out without her magic? She paced the length of the room and collapsed on the edge of the bed when her legs started to shake.

The doorknob shook and the elderly witch came in. She glanced at the bedside table with a resigned expression and sighed. The healer waved her wand, and the two vials flew into her outstretched hand. She turned to Calandra and shook her head.

"It will be easier if you simply take the potions yourself, Ms. White. Having to stun you does not help your healing process."

Calandra stared coldly at the witch. She lifted her chin defiantly and the witch pursed her lips. She tried to push her magic out, tried to cast a shield charm on herself, but couldn't. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was the inky purple liquid that swirled in the vial.

* * *

February 12, 1982

Another week went by of Calandra trying and failing to shield herself from the potions. She asked the healer everyday if she could speak with someone else. Every single day she found herself repeating the same phrase over and over again

"He's innocent. Sirius Black is innocent."

Every day she prayed that the witch would finally listen to her.

The healer always pursed her lips and forced the potion down Calandra's throat. Then she would leave, and Calandra would be left alone. Alone with the thoughts that seemed to suffocate her. The thoughts of never getting Sirius out of that hell hole. The thoughts of her father trapping her here. The thoughts of Alice searching for her.

She had to get out. But how?

* * *

February 14, 1982

"I'll take it on my own." Calandra said numbly when the healer came into the room.

"Getting a bit tired of the headache that comes along with getting stunned?" the healer quipped.

Calandra sat on the edge of her bed.

"It's the only thing in my life I can control." She said quietly.

The healer sniffed and placed two vials on the bedside table.

Calandra immediately tilted the vial with the blue liquid back and swallowed it down. She winced at the pain as the healer shut the door. She had ten minutes, fifteen at most, before the healer would come back. Calandra sat on the edge of her bed and waited. She counted down the minutes in her mind.

When the doorknob turned Calandra quickly drank the purple vial and held out both glasses to the healer. The old witch nodded in approval and turned back to the door. As soon as she shut it behind her, Calandra ran to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet.

_Would it work?_

Calandra forced herself to retch into the toilet and she smiled a triumphant smile when the contents swirled away down the drain. She sat back on her heels and wiped her mouth. It would take a while, but it would work.

If what the healer said was true, the blue potion would heal her. When the potion stopped burning her throat, her voice would be healed. She had to hope that her magic would be as well. At least enough so she could control it. She'd take the blue potion as soon as the healer brought it. If she was going to vomit it back up later, she wanted as much of it in her system as she could get. The purple potion would always be last minute, that way it wouldn't dampen her magic very much. She needed her magic to get out.

Calandra had a plan. It was a gossamer thin shred of hope, but it was something. She wouldn't stop asking the healer for Alice and she wouldn't stop telling her Sirius was innocent, but she had a plan now if the healer never listened to her. It wasn't hopeless anymore. She could get out. She'd have to bide her time, but she would get out. And when she did, she would get him out.

* * *

February 17, 1982

Calandra woke screaming, drenched in sweat. She scrambled out of bed and fell to the floor. This specific nightmare hadn't been part of her dream repertoire for quite some time. Usually her nightmares centered around reliving the scene in Azkaban; watching Sirius be thrown in the cell and the dementors surrounding her, leaving her with a hollow feeling when she opened her eyes. On those days, she walked around numb.

This dream was the opposite. This dream placed her right back in the forest, with Regulus's eyes delving into hers, except this time Avery tortured her while she sat frozen, staring into those beautiful grey eyes. In her dream, they found him. There was no hidden message, no help clouding her mind. They knew exactly where he was, and they found him. Then they brought him to the forest.

The cruciatus in her dream hurt so much worse when Sirius was the one who cast it. His eyes were tortured and filled with self-loathing as Regulus made him turn his wand on Calandra. But it was nothing like the pain that stabbed her heart when they killed him, when he fell at her feet. When those grey eyes grew lifeless.

Calandra gasped for air, trying to shake the image from her head. It was just a dream. Just a horrible, wretched dream. Siris was alive. Stuck in Azkaban, but alive. Calandra would get him out. She pulled the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around herself, laying on the cold stone floor. She drifted off to sleep sometime early the next morning, and that's where the healer found her when she came in with that day's potions.

* * *

February 28, 1982

She paced the room. Eight steps across, eight steps back. Over and over and over again. Calandra tried to think about anything other than the pain in her throat. Her mind raced as she traced the same pattern on the tile. She thought of Alice.

What was she doing?

Did she miss her?

Did she think Calandra had anything to do with Voldemort?

Was she looking for her?

Did she go back to work fulltime?

She knew Alice missed Neville when she was at work.

Or did she decide to stay on part time and stay home with Neville?

How was he?

What was his favorite toy now?

Did he still play with the stuffed frog Calandra got him?

He loved it. It croaked when you squeezed it.

Calandra's mind strayed to Neville.

Those cheeks. Those absolutely adorable cheeks she wanted to kiss and tickle and squeeze.

His eyes. How they would light up when she held her arms out to him.

His little toddler run. Legs jerking out when he barreled toward her.

His laugh. The pitch of his voice as it rose and got caught in his throat when he was especially tickled at something.

The feel of him in her arms, heavy weight settling into her as he drifted off to sleep.

Neville.

Calandra stopped in her tracks and said his name out loud.

"Neville."

She stared at the wall and let her tears fall. She'd get out. She'd go to them. She'd see him again.

Her voice cracked when she repeated his name, but she had to say it. She had to say it out loud. Had to keep him real, the little boy she loved more than she loved herself. His name tasted sweet and pure and light against the salt of her tears on her tongue.

"Neville."

* * *

March 5th, 1982

"Can I please have an owl?" Calandra asked, knowing the answer.

"I'm sorry, Ms. White. The stipulations of your admission to the ward forfeited owls."

She swallowed the potion and stared at the ceiling.

* * *

March 17th, 1982

"I'd like my own personal belongings." Calandra said as soon as the healer stepped through the door.

"Your ward is furnished with everything you need for recovery." The witch smoothly replied.

"Please. Just a couple things. A journal, a picture, my own clothing." Calandra said.

"I'm afraid I can't." the healer said.

"Just the journal, then. Just it. One item." Calandra pleaded.

The mediwitch turned and left the room, leaving the vials of potion on the table by the bed.

* * *

March 21st, 1982

"Please." Calandra bit out. "I'll do whatever you ask. I'm following the plan. I'm taking the potions. Please let me have my journal."

"I do not have it. I cannot give it to you." the healer said, voice firm.

"I can tell you where to go. I'll give you the address." Calandra said.

"I'm afraid I cannot go into patient's homes." The healer said.

"Or someone could bring it to you. If you just let me talk to Alice, she can give it to you." Calandra pleaded.

"You know the terms of your admission." The healer said, setting the second vial down firmly on the bedside table.

"I just want the journal. Just my journal. Nothing else." Calandra lied. "Please."

The healer closed the door behind her.

* * *

March 30th, 1982

"I want an owl." Calandra said.

"You know I cannot do that Ms. White." The mediwitch didn't bother looking at her

"I want a calendar." She said.

"A calendar?" the healer echoed in surprise.

Calandra nodded.

"Please." She added as an afterthought.

The healer peered at her and left the room.

* * *

April 1st, 1982

Calandra stared at the date on the small calendar the healer had brought her. Her eyes followed the curve of the numbers and she re-read the words on the page over and over and over again, thankful to have something to look at.

April Fool's.

Sirius loved April Fool's Day. He and James and Remus and Peter went to any length to pull off their stunts. They planned some of them for weeks ahead of time.

Calandra ran a finger over the small square on the page, thinking back on years before. She'd been victim to many of their April Fool's pranks, but then again, who hadn't?

James had slipped croaking potion in Flitwick's tea once, and the tiny professor couldn't do anything but ribbit like a frog for the whole class period. Flitwick was pretty good natured about it and showed them all how to charm their desktops into tiny lakes, complete with lily pads and cattails.

Peter and Sirius brewed a large batch of sleeping draught fourth year and sprayed the whole cauldron over the Whomping Willow so they could climb it. They were almost successful, too. But the willow woke up and threw them all the way to the great lake. Between the two of them they had twenty-three broken bones.

One year, Remus had charmed the other boys' books to shout naughty things every time they turned a page. Peter, Sirius, and James all got detention that day and Remus never let them live it down.

James asked McGonagall to Hogsmeade sixth year and was bowled over when she actually said yes. Calandra saw Sirius slip her five galleons the next day during class. Turns out Peter, Remus, and Sirius had a bet going on if she'd actually say yes, and Sirius promised McGonagall half his winnings if he won. He never told her what outcome he was betting on, but somehow McGonagall figured it out.

Calandra stared down at the page in front of her, blocking out the stone walls around her and concentrating only on the page. If she only focused on the bold number one in front of her, she could pretend like she was back at Hogwarts, in her dorm, getting ready for the day. She thought of every single April Fool's Day prank she'd ever witnessed, and attempted to squash down the overwhelming sadness she felt in her very soul.


	55. Chapter 55

May 15, 1982

Calandra lay in the bed and tried to stop the coughs that wracked her body. She shivered and pulled the sheets tighter around her. Her throat burned and ached and she wanted nothing more than to take the purple potion and drift off into numbness.

But she couldn't do that.

She sipped from the cup of water that sat on the bedside table and tried to distract herself from the pain. She'd been trying for days now to bring the memories Sirius gave her to the front of her mind, but couldn't seem to get them to cooperate.

* * *

July 23, 1982

"May I please have an owl." Calandra asked the healer.

The little witch rolled her eyes.

Calandra lay still as the woman performed diagnostic spells on her. She stared at the wand in the healer's hand.

Her wand was probably in some box at the Ministry right now if it wasn't floating somewhere in the ocean. She'd probably never get it back. What had they done with Sirius's wand? Would he try to get it back if he got out? He loved that wand. Rowan with Unicorn hair core. It was a bit darker than hers, just barely, and half an inch longer. She'd accidentally picked his up from their bedside table more than once.

She looked over to the table that stood beside her new bed. She stared at the wood grain. Perhaps if she willed it strong enough she could transform this room into the room at home. The room with soft walls and a warm duvet. The room where his wand sat beside hers and when she rolled over, he would be there in bed with her. Perhaps if she thought hard enough, she could figure out a way to get back to that room. To get back to him.

* * *

September 7, 1982

"You're the only healer I ever see." Calandra said.

The little witch looked up at her in surprise.

"I'm your healer." she said.

"I had more than one at the beginning, though." Calandra said. "You said I accidentally stunned them."

"Yes, and they refused to work with you afterwards." the healer said primly.

"I'm much better now." Calandra said. "I haven't had any incidents in months."

"I'm afraid frst impressions are lasting, though, Ms. White."

* * *

November 3, 1982

It was his birthday today.

He was twenty-three.

He'd been in there a whole year. Over a year.

Calandra's lips trembled as she thought back to birthdays in years past. Tattoos and homemade breakfasts and gifts from friends. She couldn't give him anything this year. Not just yet.

* * *

December 10, 1982

Calandra drank the blue potion and stared at the empty vial in her hand. Not once had the vials ever actually disappeared or vanished. She could do it. Her throat still ached when she swallowed the potion, but it was nothing like it had been in the beginning. Surely, by now she had enough magic to get out. That's all she had to do; get out. She'd waited long enough; she couldn't wait anymore. He'd been stuck there too long already. She could do it, especially with a wand.

Calandra stood up and walked to the corner of the room. She ran her hand over the stone wall and lifted the vial up. She slammed the lip of the vial against the wall. A crack rang through the silence and Calandra looked quickly over her shoulder, watching the doorknob.

When it didn't move Calandra turned back to the vial in her hand. The lip had broken off and a jagged piece of glass rose up from the base of the vial. Calandra dashed over to the bedside table and scooped up the dark potion. She moved to stand beside the door, and she waited.

This was probably a sure ticket to Azkaban, but she didn't care. If she could just talk to Alice or Frank or Remus. Find them and explain that everyone was wrong, that Sirius was innocent. If she could get to one of them before Aurors found her, it would be worth it. Alice would help her appeal sentencing if she could. Calandra would probably only get a few years. Even if they threw her in there for good it would be worth it; she'd deserve it, but Sirius was innocent.

The doorknob turned and Calandra held her breath. The healer stepped into the room and Calandra pulled her to the corner, one hand holding the broken vial to the old witch's throat, the other tilting the vial full of dark potion to her lips.

"Open." She hissed.

The healer opened her mouth and Calandra tipped the potion inside, then tossed the vial down.

"Swallow." She said.

Calandra felt the witch's throat bob and she reached around with her free hand. She grabbed the healer's wand and shoved the healer toward the bed. The old woman coughed and sputtered as Calandra cast a binding curse at her.

Nothing happened.

Calandra waved the wand through the air and repeated the incantation. Still, noting happened. She spun toward the door and tried to unlock it, waving and jabbing the wand furiously. Nothing worked.

She turned back toward the healer and saw the old woman shaking her head at Calandra. Calandra turned back toward the door and tried to blast it open, tried to bring down the walls with reducto spells, tried every charm she could think of, tried to vanish the stones completely. Nothing worked.

Calandra pounded her fist on the door and the walls, screaming in outrage. She jabbed the wand into the wall and yelled curses. Calandra felt tears streaking down her face as she did everything in her power to gain access to the hallway beyond the door. All her efforts were in vain.

Calandra cursed and slid down the wall, burying her head in her knees. She threw the wand across the room and sobbed. Footsteps padded across the floor and she heard the healer pick up the wand. The old witch cast a spell to vanish the glass in the room and quickly levitated Calandra back to her bed.

A flick of the old lady's wand and Calandra felt the invisible bonds slide across her chest. She turned her head to stare at the white ceiling, pretending she was anywhere but here.

"It's in the food, too. Isn't it?" She asked.

"A necessary measure, obviously." The healer said and firmly shut the door.

Calandra lay numbly in the bed. Ten months. Ten months and nothing, absolutely nothing, to show for it. She had been deluding herself. Sirius was still stuck in Azkaban. She'd spent the past ten months trying to heal her voice, all for nothing. She should've tried to break out sooner. The magic suppressants had been in her food all along. Calandra choked out a strangled laugh as tears streamed down her face. Ten months, wasted. She'd failed. She'd failed him.

* * *

December 25, 1982

It was Christmas.

Calandra sat on her bed and ran her hands across the sheets. She wondered what had happened to the painting she'd planned to give Alice last year. It was three-quarters of the way finished. Had the Ministry raided the flat? Could they even find it? Had Sirius's wards held? Was the painting sitting in some basement as evidence? Alice would have loved it. It was her and Neville in the nursery rocking together in the blue rocking chair. She was going to add Neville's laugh. That beautiful little baby giggle that was a ray of sunshine in the dreary world. She fisted her hands in the sheets and fought the sadness that overwhelmed her. She'd do anything to hear that laugh again.


	56. Chapter 56

October 2, 1998

The grey walls started overwhelming her after that first year. She spent months in bed with the sheets pulled over her head to block out the grey. Day after day she holed herself away under white cotton, trying to shield herself from the guilt that choked her when she looked at that color.

Then, she would curse herself for hiding and force herself to look at it. Force herself to stare at those grey stone walls and face the consequences of her actions. Her hands shook and her fingers itched to curse herself into oblivion on those days.

Calandra went over every possibility in her mind. She tried everything she could think of to get out, to talk to someone. But nothing ever worked.

She never gave up; not entirely. When she'd exhausted all the options she thought of, she'd retreat back under the covers and hide from the world. She'd wallow in her desolation for a bit, then come back up fighting mad full of new possibilities.

* * *

January 16, 1983

"Does being a healer pay very well?" Calandra asked as the witch waved her wand down Calandra's body.

"It's enough to get by." The healer replied.

"One of my friends told me I should have been a healer." Calandra said. "I'm not sure I'd be quite cut out for it."

"Mmmm." The healer murmured.

* * *

January 31, 1983

"What's the latest?" Calandra asked. "With the wizarding world."

The healer just stared at Calandra.

"Has Nimbus released a new broom?" she asked.

The healer shook her head.

"What's Madam Malkin putting out these days?" Calandra pushed. "Any new robes for you this year?"

The small witch gave Calandra a peculiar look and shook her head once more.

"Not right now, no." she said.

Calandra nodded and drank the potions.

* * *

February 12, 1983

"I'd be happy to pay whatever fee my father is covering." Calandra said.

The healer ignored her.

"I have gold, you know." Calandra said.

The healer raised an eyebrow and gave Calandra an appraising look.

"I'd pay handsomely to send a letter." Calandra said, carefully. "Twenty galleons or more."

The witch turned on her heel and left the room.

* * *

May 10, 1983

"I'll give you the whole bloody vault." Calandra said. "I'll tell you exactly where the key is. You can have all of the gold. Every sodding galleon. Please, just let me send one letter."

The healer rolled her eyes and set the potions on the table.

"I'm serious." Calandra pleaded. "You can have it all. Just let Alice visit. Let me send a letter. Anything. You can have my entire vault."

The door closed firmly behind the witch and Calandra was left alone. She picked up the potions on the bedside table and threw the vials at the wall, screaming.

* * *

August 21, 1983

"I'm not crazy, you know." Calandra said softly.

The mediwitch made no sign that she heard Calandra's words.

"He is innocent." Calandra said. "Sirius Black is innocent."

The healer sighed and continued her diagnostics.

"He could sew." Calandra said. "He sewed me an apron. It had purple frills around the hem. And he sewed me a cloak. It was my favorite one."

* * *

October 8, 1983

Calandra stared at the small table that stood by the bed. It was smaller than the ones they kept at the flat, its corners just a bit sharper. The shape of it was familiar; almost perfectly square, but not quite. She had the vague feeling that she should clean it. That she should wipe it down and hold it up to her eyes.

A laugh sprang from her chest. Calandra held onto her stomach and doubled over, tears springing to her eyes.

No wonder she wanted to wipe it down. It reminded her of James's glasses. The shape was exactly the same.

"Oh, Merlin." she whispered to herself.

How many times had she wiped those glasses with the hem of her shirt? How many times had he leant over the table in Potions and asked her to clean them for him when his hands were full of frog spawn or salamander tails? How many times had she peered through them to see if all the specks and streaks were gone? How many times had she pulled them off his face and laid them on his nightstand seventh year? Far too many to count.

She held herself and thought back to those days in school. James had been a right pain there at the beginning; loud and annoying and so sure of himself, even at twelve and thirteen. She'd admired it in a way. That sense of belonging. He never seemed to question his place in the world.

He'd been the last to warm up to her completely. She'd befriended Remus first, and a bit by association Peter although they were never more than friendly aquantinces. Calandra paused on that thought. Even after she and Sirius had gotten together and she spent more and more time with all of them, she and Peter never really passed that stage. He came over for supper sometimes and they visited him, but they were never really close; she was just an extension of one of his other mates.

Maybe that should've bothered her. Perhaps she should've been offended that he only saw her as a part of Sirius, but she wasn't. There were too many other things to worry about at the time and before that, back in school, she was too wrapped up figuring out life to pay much attention.

She ran her hand along the bedside table and thought back to days at school. Back when she and James danced around one another, only orbiting the same space because of Sirius. They'd joked around and tolerated one another for a while before actually becoming friends. She knew he was waiting to see what happened between her and Sirius before welcoming her into his group of friends. Waiting to see if she hurt his friend or took advantage of him before he approved. As arrogant of a prat as he could be, James Potter was nothing but loyal to the people he loved.

She told him what she was sixth year. The same year she told Dorcas. Dorcas had laughed and told Calandra it was no wonder she was so good at wandless magic, with a voice like that. James had gone silent and stared at Sirius's bed.

_"I'm not going to hurt him." she said. "I'm always really careful. I never ask him for anything when I'm upset. I don't ask him for anything anyways, but I'm always careful not to then."_

_James nodded and chewed on his bottom lip._

_"He knows?" he asked._

_"Of course." Calandra said. "He's known for almost a year."_

_James nodded and crossed his arms._

_"I don't care." he said. "You should know that I don't care about that. Moony's one of my best friends and you know about his furry little problem."_

_She nodded._

_"So you know that I don't care about_ _that." he said. "But I do care about my mates. Sirius has had a shit life and if you're just trying to use him just give it up now. Whatever you want from him I'll give you. If it's gold or whatever."_

_Part of Calandra was furious that he'd assume she'd do that. She drew herself up to argue with him, but saw the look in his eyes._

_"I'm not using him." she said. "I didn't even want...I tried to..."_

_Calandra broke off and rubbed her face._

_"I'm not going to do anything to him." she said. "If things don't work out I'm not going to do anything. If he decides he wants someone else or whatever, I'm not going to try to hurt him or hex him or cast a spell on him."_

_James rolled his eyes and shook his head, muttering to himself._

_"If he ever decides...load of bollocks..."_

_"You two are ridiculous, you know that?" he looked up at her._

_Calandra narrowed her eyes._

_"I told you because you're my friend, and because you're his best friend." she said. "And so you'd stop this whole 'Why is White always around?' bit that you've got going on."_

_"I know why you're always around." he said, scoffing. "You and Pads finally decided to have conversations with your clothes off and he-"_

_"That is none of your business!" she bit out, face flushing. "Absolutely none of your-"_

_She cut off and he looked at her curiously._

_"Is it?" she asked. "Is that it?"_

_James looked at her like she'd grown three heads._

_"Bloody fucking hell, Cals." he laughed. "You think he snuck any other birds into that house? You think he turned down twenty offers to go to Hogsmeade last year just to get in your knickers? You think he threatened his own brother just for laughs? You think he kept your secret just to get you in a broom closet? He didn't even tell me about it."_

_Calandra didn't say anything._

_"I know why you're always around." He shook his head. "And if you plan on sticking around, you'll just have to get used to the bit."_

_"Will I?" she scoffed._

_He smirked and nodded._

_"Well, that's too bad." Calandra said airily._

_"Why's that?" James asked._

_"Lily hates it." Calandra smirked. "And I do rather like spending time with her."_

_James ran his tongue across his teeth and nodded, a small smile spreading across his face._

_"Touché, Cals." he held out a hand. "I think having you around is going to be enlightening."_

_Calandra laughed and shook his hand._

* * *

November 18, 1983

Two years.

She'd been in here over two years.

It had been more than two years since she'd heard Alice's laugh. Since she'd kissed Neville's cheeks. Since she'd tickled Harry's legs. Since she'd cleaned James's glasses for him. Since she'd seen Remus. Since she'd looked into beautiful grey eyes.

How could two years feel like forever?

* * *

February 2, 1984

The cotton scratched against her skin. The color of the sheets was too light. Nothing in this room was right. The walls were too dark, the floor too hard, the bathroom too big. It was as if they'd tried their hardest to make every single detail the opposite of what she'd called home.

At home, the sheets were silk. She'd laughed when Sirius had bought them. He admitted that this was one of "very few, thank you very much" fancy pureblood tastes he'd not compromise on. Burgundy silk sheets that slid against her skin and always smelled of him.

At home, the walls were light. Soft colors that seemed to glow when the sunrise hit them. A few of the walls had designs on them. A few of the corners had bits of paintings on them; flowers that sprouted up from the floor, broomsticks that looked like they were just leaning against the wall instead of painted onto it, constellations that twinkled on the one dark splotch above the mantel.

At home, the floor was wood. Polished by thousands of steps in socked feet. Ever so much softer than stone. Cold in winter mornings. So cold, in fact, they'd gotten matching slippers to wear in the mornings when they got out of bed and shared tea together.

If she closed her eyes she was there. She could walk through each room and be the girl that lived there. But when she opened her eyes it was never home she saw. And that made it so much worse.

* * *

June 18, 1984

"I'll make an Unbreakable Vow for whatever you ask of me, if you'll let me see Alice." Calandra said.

The healer pursed her lips.

"Anything." She repeated. "I'll do anything."

"Your magic seems to be healing according to plan." the healer said.

"I'm sure it would go much quicker if it weren't being suppressed." Calandra quipped.

The healer gave her a sharp look and bustled out of the room.

* * *

October 31, 1984

She tried not to think of this day. Years ago, she'd loved Halloween. She'd dress up and go trick-or-treating with her mother. Then, at school, there was always the feast and usually a dance or some other celebration.

Not all of her friends knew the traditions muggles had for Halloween; the costumes and the candy and all. But they'd embraced them and made them their own. They'd stocked candy in their dorm third year, and anyone who was dressed in a costume and knocked on the door got sweets.

The rest of Gryffindor followed suit the next year. Gideon and Fabian had given out exploding bonbons disguised as regular chocolates. It had made a huge mess, and everyone steered clear of their treats the next year.

Sixth year, Sirius had gone all in for the holiday. He begged Calandra to dress up with him as a counterpart to his costume. She'd already agreed to dress up with Alice so he'd bribed Alice into dressing up with him, too.

Sirius had broken down in laughter at the look on Remus Lupin's face when they showed up at his dormitory in their costumes.

_"Do you know what we are, Moony?" Sirius wheezed._

_"I'm sure I could guess." Remus said wryly as he took in their costumes. "You're all wolves. How original."_

_"Not just any wolves." Sirius said. "I'm a Pear-Wolf."_

_He gestured to his costume._

_Calandra sighed and raised her hand._

_"Chair-Wolf."_

_Alice piped up next._

_"Prayer-Wolf."_

_"Reaching a bit, there. Aren't you?" Remus asked._

_Sirius doubled over in laughter. Calandra and Alice had gone along with him for the first little bit, then transfigured their costumes into bottles of hair product and collected their payment from Remus for doing so._

So, yes. There had been a time in her life when this date brought mischief and joy and laughter. But now it brought none of those things. It brought pain and sorrow and regret and heartache.


	57. Chapter 57

January 21, 1985

The blue square in the door intrigued Calandra. She had no idea what it really was. Perhaps it was a code for the type of room she was in. Maybe it marked her as a Siren. Maybe it was just meant to represent the sky since there were no windows in these rooms. Whatever it was, she spent far too much time studying it.

* * *

March 13, 1985

Calandra woke up in the early hours of the morning and sat next to the bed, on the floor. She had to get out. She had to figure out a way out. She chewed her thumbnail and thought about all of her attempts to get out of the hospital and where they'd gone wrong. She rolled facts around in her mind trying to see every aspect of them.

The healer had said her magic was returning. She could not feel the hum of it in her veins, but that was probably due to the magic suppressants. If she didn't have those, she might stand a chance.

She glanced at the food tray on the bedside table and grit her teeth. She'd refused food before, but they'd ended up giving her potions to make her eat anyway. She'd eaten the food and made herself sick to try to dampen the suppressant effects. The healer figured it out after a few months and gave her potions that kept her from doing it.

She had already tried to bribe the healer. Tried to threaten her, tried to barter with her, even flat out begged. Nothing made the slightest difference. She was here and he was there, and it felt as though they'd never get out.

* * *

May 21, 1985

She sat in the corner of the room and stared at the grey walls. Her mind was full of fog and her limbs felt heavy and her heart was stone. She'd felt numb before, but nothing like this. Calandra looked around the room and tried to feel anything. She thought of Alice and Sirius and Neville, but couldn't summon any emotion.

Everything in her life was grey. Not sparkling grey, either. Sad, dreary grey. The kind of grey that wilted flower petals. The kind of grey that splashed on your face as thunder rolled. The kind of grey that sucked you down below the surface and stole your breath. The kind of grey that looms up out of the sea and drains the life out of you.

Somewhere back in the far corners of her mind she knew she loved the color. But here, in the corner of this room, it was the most horrid color she'd ever laid her eyes on.

* * *

June 11, 1985

Calandra held her hands under the running water in the sink. She'd put it as hot as it would go. Her hands were red and tingled with pain, but she didn't move them. That water was the first thing that made her feel anything other than numb in weeks.

She felt tears drip down her cheeks as she stood there in the bathroom. When she opened her eyes, her vision was watery and blurred. She stood there and cried for a few minutes, letting the water rush over her hands.

To anyone else, her tears probably seemed like tears of pain from the scalding water. But Calandra knew they weren't. Those tears were tears of relief.

* * *

June 15, 1985

Calandra was tucking in the sheet at the foot of the bed when the idea came to her. She'd tried everything she could think of to find a way to get out or to get to communicate with Alice. Nothing ever worked. Perhaps she should try to contact someone else.

They wouldn't let her see Frank. She'd already tried. Same with Remus, if he even wanted to see her in the first place. She'd asked to see Mary and Peter and Rhea and Emmaline, too. Each day she wracked her brain trying to figure out who she could talk to. So many of her friends were dead. She asked for Andromeda and McGonagall. Hell, she asked for Walburga one day just to get a reaction out of the healer. But the healer's words never changed.

Calandra straightened up and stared straight at the blue square in the door. There was another person she could try to contact. Her heart thudded dully in her chest and she felt her jaw tense at the mere thought.

There was one person she could try talk to. The only person she didn't want to talk to.

* * *

June 19, 1985

"I'd like to send a letter to my next of kin." Calandra said.

The healer glanced up at her and set vials of potion on the bedside table.

"You know I cannot-"

"I want to speak with my next of kin." Calandra said firmly. "I'll send a letter. Whether or not they reply is up to them."

The healer did not say anything more.

* * *

June 22, 1985

"Your father gave us instructions to allow you the use of parchment and quill to contact him," the healer said.

Calandra sat up in the bed and turned eagerly toward the healer.

The old woman gestured to the potions on the bedside table and Calandra rolled her eyes. She reached over and drank both potions quickly and wiped her mouth. She turned back to the healer and held out her hands.

The healer sighed and placed a small roll of parchment and a self-inking quill in Calandra's lap. Calandra stared down at the materials she held. She ran her thumb along the parchment reverently.

She carefully placed the items on the bed in front of her and picked up the quill. She ran her finger along the length of it and brought it up to her face. She breathed in and almost cried at the smell of the ink. She grabbed the parchment and buried her face in it.

It smelled of new books, carefully sought-after spells, special journals, and battle plans. It was heavenly. Calandra probably would've stayed in that position the entire day if it hadn't been for the healer clearing her throat by Calandra's bed.

"I'll be back tomorrow for your letter." She said, giving the parchment and quill a pointed look.

Calandra nodded and clutched the quill and parchment to her chest. She watched the healer leave the room, then pulled the bedside table closer to her side. She flattened the parchment out on it and picked up the quill.

She had one chance at this. She had to get it right.


	58. Chapter 58

June 23, 1985

Calandra didn't sleep the entire night. She thought long and hard about what she should write. She scribbled a few things on the parchment trying to figure out a way to get everything she wanted, then crossed them all out. Finally, she settled on what she thought would work.

She wrote a letter to her father and carefully folded the parchment to perforate it. She made sure the edges of the letter were as clean and straight as they could be, then she folded it up and laid it aside.

_Dear Father,_

_I'm writing this letter to you from St. Mungo's, where I've been staying for the past little while due to an unfortunate accident. The healer assures me I am recovering, and I would like to reach out to you. I want to make this letter as clear as possible._

_I will do anything you want if you allow them to let me send one letter to a friend. I'll send it to you to revise, I'll take any potion you want, I'll make an Unbreakable Vow, I'll marry Evan Avery, I'll stay here for as long as you want me to. My only request is one letter._

_You can keep me in any box you like. I'll follow any rule you give me. All I ask is one letter. Just one._

_I patiently wait your reply._

_Your Daughter,_

_Calandra White_

Calandra took a deep breath as she thought about the contents of her letter. The beginning proved she could play his charade. She knew he wouldn't let her out. She'd not even asked for it. She knew he wouldn't petition the Wizengamot. That would have been laughable. She knew he wouldn't give her anything that allowed her freedom. But he _might_ give her one letter.

If he did, it would be enough. She could contact Alice and let her know what happened. She'd write it in code if she had to. Alice would figure it out. If he gave her this, she could get him out. She could explain everything to Alice and tell her she loved her and get Sirius out of Azkaban.

She unfurled the scraps of parchment in front of her and pulled them close. She brought the quill to the parchment and drew broad lines across the bits of paper. She started with something easy. Eyes she always got right.

Something came alive in her as she filled in brows and pupils. She bit her lip and flicked lashes onto the page. There, staring up at her was the eyes she used to wake up to every morning. The eyes that held her whole world in them.

She let out a shaky breath and pulled another scrap of paper forward. Tiny fingers to tiny hands that held her heart and squeezed it tight. Chubby little hands that liked to pat her cheeks and reached out for her. She laid her finger against the little hand on the page and could almost feel its softness.

One more scrap of paper lay on the table. Calandra carefully smoothed it out and ran the quill across it. She drew curves and edges and gentle lines. She bit her tongue as she painstakingly held the quill steady enough to draw the details. She leant back and stared at the picture.

She finally got it right.

Alice's smile shone on the page. It filled the room with warmth and washed over Calandra's soul as the most healing balm she'd ever felt. This bit of ink on the page was a far cry from the beautiful color that was her friend's smile, but even in black ink on a yellowed parchment it made all the difference.

She lay on the bed and held the bits of parchment in her hands. With her head against the pillow and the pictures of pieces of the things she loved close to her face, she felt almost peaceful that night. She studied the images closely as the night wore on. Her eyes hardly ever left them. It was only when she heard the doorknob turn the next day, did she lay the drawings aside.

She sat up on the bed and addressed the healer as soon as she walked into the room.

"Thank you very much for the parchment and quill," she said quickly. "I have the letter, right here, for you."

She patted the folded-up piece of parchment. The healer nodded and set potions on the bedside table. Calandra scooped them up at once and took them, lest they spill and ruin her only chance at communicating with the outside world.

The healer pocketed the letter and the quill, then left the room without saying a word. Calandra pulled the bits of parchment from under her pillow and stared at them until she fell asleep.

* * *

June 30, 1985

She was back to pacing the room again. Calandra chewed on her nails and walked from wall to wall turning over scenarios in her mind on what her father would say. There had been no reply. She'd asked the healer every single day if her father had written her, but no letter had come for her.

She spent hours studying the bits of parchment she'd hidden. She traced the curves with her fingers and blinked back tears at the piercing gaze in those inky eyes. They grounded her. She felt real again. She felt like she was a person and she might actually be able to get out of here one day.

It all depended on that letter. If it ever came.

* * *

July 7, 1985

"Something arrived in the post today for you," the healer said.

Calandra shot out of bed and almost smacked the healer in the face with her forehead.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry. What is it?"

The healer held out a thick envelope.

"It's still sealed." Calandra said in surprise.

"We aren't authorized to check your mail."

Calandra drew the envelope close to her chest and waited for the healer to leave. The old woman looked at her, waiting. Calandra narrowed her eyes and sat up straighter. The healer busied herself with vials of potion and set them on the bedside table. Calandra noticed that the woman took her sweet time today.

Calandra drank the potions and held the vials out to the healer. The old witch sighed and swept out of the room. Calandra waited until the door was firmly closed, then ripped open the black seal on the envelope. A copy of the Prophet fell out.

She shook the envelope, expecting a letter to accompany the newspaper, but nothing else was in the package. Calandra spread the pages of the Prophet open and scanned it. It was just the announcements pages. She read each one carefully, searching for some clue as to why her father sent it to her.

Aurors were looking into an explosion in Brighton. The muggle police had suspects in custody, but the Aurors decided to comb the area and check for rogue Death Eater activity. Anyone with helpful information was urged to come forward.

A couple ministry officials had drafted new clauses on what exactly was considered Muggle Artefacts. One of the members of the Wizengamot retired. There was a job opening in Magical Transportation.

Calandra read on down the paper. Announcements of engagement and weddings filled the page. Local news of Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley sales littered the bottom of the print. It was just an everyday newspaper. She flipped the page over and read down the obituaries.

Bellamy Klestus. Died June 31st, 1985 peacefully at home surrounded by family and friends. He leaves behind a host of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who promise to uphold his famous gobstone legacy.

Rebecca Millon. Passed away July 2nd, 1985 in the care of her beloved house elf Zip. She leaves behind her a life-long passion for charmed teacups and bequeaths her estate to her house elf.

Roger Ritter. Died July 1st, 1985 while in the field studying Manticores. He is survived by a host of family and friends who loved him dearly. Family asks if anyone should like to pay their respects, please do so in the form of donations to Roger Ritter's Manticore Charity instead of funeral gifts.

Cecelia Strafford. Died July 6th, 1985 due to complications from childbirth. She is survived by her loving husband, Steven and newborn baby Cecelia. She will be dearly missed.

William Vance. Left this world July 5th, 1985 while resting at a friend's house. Mr. Vance had been ill for quite some time and it was his last wish to view a program on a muggle television set before he passed. He died with a smile on his face while watching commercials for toaster ovens.

Calandra White. Passed away July 7th, 1985 in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries from complications of permanent spell damage.

She went completely numb.

If Alice was looking for her somewhere, she'd stop now. Who bothers looking for a dead person? He'd finally found a box he could keep her locked in forever; a coffin. The only problem was, she wasn't dead.


	59. Chapter 59

October 2, 1998

She couldn't remember anything of the next few years. She knew she must have gotten up and taken potions and bathed and walked around the room, but she couldn't remember a single detail.

Calandra drummed her fingers against the wooden top of the bedside table and tried her hardest to remember anything between the time she saw her name there in the paper, and when she heard he'd escaped.

She couldn't remember any of it. It didn't really matter; it wasn't as if there was anything to remember during that time anyway. It was just endless days of the same grey walls and white ceilings.

She thought back to the first time she'd heard voices in the hallway. The first time there was any sign of other people on the same floor as her.

* * *

August 16, 1993

There were voices coming from the corridor. That was new. Every time before, when the healer would come into the room, the place beyond the door was quiet. Calandra listened from where she sat against the wall, as the healer measured out vials of potions.

The little old woman waved her wand around the room and Calandra watched her, disinterestedly. The witch walked toward the door and drew it open.

"Remember to take your potions." She said to Calandra.

Calandra nodded, focused on hearing more from outside the door.

"He's out…. First time…Dementors…..Escaped."

The healer stuck her wand in her pocket. Calandra tilted her head closer to the door.

"Extra security….no one alone….catch Sirius Black."

The door shut firmly behind the old witch and Calandra sprang to her feet, trying to tug it open.

They'd said his name. They'd said Sirius Black.

What else had they said. She thought back to the bits of conversations. He'd escaped. A laugh bubbled up inside of her.

He'd done it!

That brilliant sneaky bastard! He'd done it! He'd gotten out!

Calandra's hands shook and she looked around the room as if for the first time. He'd done it. He'd finally gotten out of there.

She walked over to the bedside table and tilted the potions into her mouth.

He'd done it!

* * *

September 2, 1993

Calandra sat up as the healer came into the room.

"What's going on?" she asked. "What's the latest news?"

"Nothing of interest Ms. White." The healer said.

"I've heard people in the hallway." Calandra said. "Something's going on."

"Yes, well." The healer poured potions into vials. "New procedures the hospital is implementing. Nothing exciting."

Calandra ground her teeth together.

* * *

September 18, 1993

"I know he got out." Calandra said.

The healer paused pouring potions into the vials.

"I heard them." Calandra said. "I know he escaped."

"Not for long." The witch replied. "They've got Dementors looking for them. Even at Hogwarts. He'll be back in there soon enough."

Calandra bit her tongue and drank the potions. He wouldn't. She was sure of it. If he got out of there, there was no way he'd ever go back.

* * *

September 30, 1993

Her head swam anytime she sat up. Calandra had no idea what was wrong with her, but something was going on. Her brain felt foggy and she got dizzy very easily. Lifting her head off the pillow exhausted her. Her days were spent in bed with the covers over her head, trying to rest.

Her dreams grew odd. Different colors and shapes permeated ones she knew she'd had before. Voices she couldn't remember hearing interrupted conversations she was familiar with. Calandra clutched the sheets in her hands tightly. Was she going crazy?

She dreamt of a snowball fight that night. Back at school. She remembered the snowball fight. Remus had asked her if she wanted to join in and Dorcas had agreed before Calandra had a chance to say anything.

But this dream had it wrong. The voices were almost a different pitch in the dream. The colors looked wrong, just barely off. And Calandra noticed details she hadn't noticed before when she thought back to the memory.

She threw a snowball and it hit Alice in the back of the head. She laughed and ran from Alice, tossing snowballs at the others. One hit Sirius square in the face and she asked him if he was ok. James Potter gave her a high five and told her it was a good hit, then the others chased them down the hill.

Calandra woke up with a pounding headache. She lay on the bed and watched the blue light softly glow on the ceiling. She tried counting potion ingredients or Quidditch stats to distract her from the pounding in her head, but it overwhelmed her. She retreated under the covers and clenched her hands together until she fell asleep again.

* * *

November 16, 1993

The headaches got so much worse. Calandra's ears popped from some unseen pressure. She cried and banged her forehead against the stone wall to try to relieve some of the pressure in her skull, but just ended up with a worse headache.

Her eyes often became unfocused and images seemed to dance in front of her vision. Cloudy figures going through motions that seemed so familiar. She tried to focus on them, to bring them into full view and see what they were, but that just made her head hurt.

She lay in bed trying to see the image that was walking in front of her. It was a blurry outline of two people. Voices floated through her mind and she felt an odd sense of Déjà vu. Whatever these memories or visions or hallucinations were, she recognized most of them. Even the ones that didn't feel familiar to her had a sense of belonging; like she knew the characters, but not what they said.

Alice's laugh rang out in her head and it almost made her jump. She sat up and looked around the room. That laugh had been so real. It was as if Alice was in the room with her. Calandra got up and, ignoring the pounding in her head, looked under the bed and in the bathroom to see if Alice had somehow snuck in.

She padded over to the door and pressed her ear up against it. Maybe Alice had figured out where she was! Maybe she was talking to the nurse right now, out in the hallway. Calandra leant against the door and strained her ears for some sound that would prove Alice was there. Her mind drifted back to years before as she listened for her friend's voice.

_Calandra stood in the chapel grasping a bouquet of wildflowers. She watched, rapt as Alice repeated the vicar's words. Frank's face shone with love. Calandra had never seen him look as handsome as he did tonight. His eyes never left Alice's face. Alice slid a ring over his finger and his face broke out in a huge smile. Calandra felt a tear run down her face as the couple kissed._

_The vicar announced the two as husband and wife and the chapel erupted in applause. Alice turned to Calandra and enveloped her in a hug. Calandra returned the embrace with everything in her. They pulled apart and Calandra studied her friend's face. Alice had teared up, her lips curved in a euphoric smile. Her cheeks shone and her eyes danced with happiness. Calandra tried to memorize every single detail. The next time she painted Alice, she wanted it to be this. This moment._

_Calandra kissed her friend's cheek and pushed her back toward Frank. The couple walked down the aisle among the cheering and applause. Calandra took the arm of Frank's best man, a good-natured bloke named Christopher, who was a year above her in school. They made their way back down the aisle and stopped for pictures with the bride and groom. Soon, the photos were finished, and everyone made their way to the marquee lit up behind the chapel._

_Calandra sat down at her designated chair and pulled out her wand. She recast the cushioning charms on her feet and applauded with the rest of the guests as Alice and Frank made their way to main table. She watched as her friend sat her bouquet off to the side and leant in close to Frank. Alice was starting a whole new life. Calandra was so incredibly happy for her. Alice deserved the world._

_Food appeared on the plates in front of everyone and champagne floated over in buckets of ice. The guests settled themselves happily to their meals as soft music played. Somewhere near the front of the tables a voice cleared, and a small ding ding ding rang out. Frank's best man stood up and he raised his glass to give his toast. His eyes twinkled and he kept smoothing down his tie as he joked about his time at school with Frank and wished the couple his best. He sat back down and that was her cue._

_All eyes turned to Calandra as she stood up. She swallowed and smiled at the crowd._

" _Alice is the best friend I've ever had in my life. She's closer than a sister to me and seeing her here tonight so happy and in love is one of the greatest honors I could ever have."_

_Calandra looked up at Alice and continued._

" _I got to have a front row seat in her and Frank's love story and, let me tell you, its impossibly sweet."_

_The crowd chuckled._

" _But it isn't just the good times that make you fall in love with someone. It's the hard times as well, the ones that challenge you and make your love grow strong enough to withstand anything. Alice and Frank have that love."_

_Alice wiped a tear from her eye and nodded at Calandra._

" _And I wish them a lifetime full of that love and all the happiness it will bring. I love you both."_

_Calandra lifted her champagne glass in a toast and looked out over the tables of people as she brought her glass up to her mouth. Her eyes locked on a pair of grey ones at the back of the marquee. He made it. Calandra tilted her glass back and smiled, watching as the person she shared that love with strode toward her with his signature mischievous smirk._

" _I didn't know if you'd make it!" she said, wrapping an arm around Sirius._

" _You must be joking." He said, pulling her chair out for her. "Great food, free booze, you looking fitter than anyone ever should in that dress. I wouldn't miss it for a thousand galleons."_

_Calandra laughed as she sat down and spread her napkin over her knee._

" _You know that compliment would mean more if you didn't already have more galleons than you know what to do with." She said._

" _I stopped by Gringotts just a few days ago, and I'll have you know that my gold only goes halfway up the wall." He said haughtily. "The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black hasn't been this destitute since Rigel Black lost four vaults worth of gold in a drunken bet over eight hundred years ago."_

_Calandra entwined an arm through his and patted his elbow._

" _Try not to nick the silver then, you penniless cretin."_

_Sirius held up his fork and gave her a withering look._

" _Please. It's not even goblin made."_

_Calandra laughed and went back to her meal. She listened as Sirius told her the latest news of their friends. Lily had created a makeshift potions lab in the new house and was brewing all throughout the day, she was coming tonight as soon as James got back. James met with the Prewett's the day before yesterday and they compiled a list of all the pureblood families that might have ties to the Death Eaters. The twins were going to meet with Aurors to discuss it. Remus was moving closer to the forest soon, he sent his love to Calandra and invited them over for supper before he left. Peter took a job at the apothecary and was tracking the ingredients that sold out the quickest for Dumbledore._

" _I'd love to go see Remus." She said. "I figured he might show up tonight, but I guess he had other plans. I miss him."_

" _Old Moony's psyching himself up for his new assignment." Sirius said, slicing his piece of chicken. "Dumbledore's asked him to be a sort of envoy to the werewolf pack in the North Forest."_

" _What?" Calandra almost dropped her knife._

_Sirius nodded._

" _Seems to think that the other side are opening ranks to the werewolves. He's probably not wrong, a lot of them are bloodthirsty and want power. Remus is going to offer them Dumbledore's protection in exchange for them joining the Order."_

" _And what if they turn on Remus?" Calandra hissed. "If they're already working with You-Know-Who, then what makes Dumbledore think Remus is going to convince them to change? Doesn't he know how dangerous it will be for him?"_

" _Remus signed up, Cal." Sirius said. "He knew what he was getting into. Dumbledore told him what he would be asking before Remus ever agreed to join the Order. He could've said no."_

" _What a load of tripe!" Calandra stabbed a potato. "As if he would say no! As if any of you would say no! You know Remus thinks he can do no wrong."_

" _He is an extremely powerful wizard." Sirius pointed out. "And you'd join too, if you didn't have to tell anyone where your dulcet tones come from."_

" _Not if he asked too much of me." She said. "Not if I had to stay with my father."_

_Sirius reached over and squeezed her hand._

" _Moony knows what he's doing." He said, softly. "You worrying about him isn't going to change anything. We'll go see him soon. You can fuss over him all you like, then. But tonight, is a night of celebration. Enjoy yourself."_

_Calandra sat back into her seat, thinking of Remus. It was so incredibly dangerous, what he'd agreed to. How on earth was he coping with it? She pasted a smile on her face when Dorcas came over to them and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She stood when Sirius grabbed the photographer's arm and motioned him forward. Dorcas waved to Alice and soon she was standing arm in arm with her friends, smiling toward the camera. Calandra hoped the picture didn't show how worried she was._

* * *

_Frank twirled Alice around the dance floor. The guests looked fondly at the couple as the music floated on the air around them. The song ended and the couple kissed and took a bow. Calandra clapped along with the other guests and smiled a wide smile at her friend._

_Frank opened up the dance floor to the rest of the guests and a few couples stood and swayed along to the music. Frank turned to his mother and offered his hand. Alice bounced over to Calandra's table and leant down._

" _Come dance with me, Callie!"_

" _Trying to steal my date, Fawcett?" Sirius teased._

" _Please." Alice scoffed. "As if she wouldn't come willingly."_

_Sirius laughed and pulled Calandra's chair out for her. He leaned over and gave Alice a hug._

" _Congratulations. I'm chuffed as can be for you, Fawcett." He said, warmly._

_Alice smiled at him and pulled Calandra out on the dance floor. She threw her arms around Calandra and spun her around. Calandra laughed and hooked an arm under Alice's, resting her hand on Alice's shoulder._

" _You look beautiful, Alice." Calandra said._

" _So do you." Alice said. "You know, I could've been cruel and put you in some peach colored monstrosity so you wouldn't upstage me. But, me being the good friend I am, chose this beautiful silver frock."_

" _As if I could ever upstage you." Calandra rolled her eyes. "You're the envy of every witch here tonight."_

" _You do look lovely, Callie." Alice said._

" _Why, thank you Mrs. Longbottom." Calandra said and pulled Alice into an exaggerated dip._

" _Ergh." Alice grimaced as she stood back up. "That makes me sound like Frank's mum."_

_Calandra laughed and spun them around._

" _You better get used to it." She said. "You are married to him after all."_

" _Yeah." Alice smiled. "I am, aren't I?"_

_Calandra smiled fondly at her friend and Alice pulled her in for a hug. The song faded out and a new one started to play. Alice spun them around theatrically._

" _I think someone is getting jealous." Alice laughed and nodded behind her._

_Calandra looked over her shoulder and saw Sirius standing at the edge of the dance floor smirking at the two of them._

" _Well, this is our song." Calandra said with a smile._

_Alice winked at her and motioned for Sirius to come forward._

" _I know." Alice whispered and gave Calandra a kiss. "Who do you think added it to the list?"_

_Sirius swooped in a kissed Alice's hand._

" _You're looking ravishing tonight Alice. Frank's the luckiest guy in the world." He said._

_Alice laughed and motioned Sirius toward Calandra, weaving back through the couples on the dance floor to find Frank. Sirius pulled Calandra into his arms and whispered in her ear._

" _Behind me, that is. I'm the luckiest bloke ever." He said._

_Calandra smiled up at him and rested her hand at the nape of his neck, twirling his hair around her fingers. He glided them across the floor, effortlessly leading Calandra in a complicated step. Calandra caught sight of Alice over his shoulder and Alice smiled at her. Calandra smiled and looked back to Sirius. It didn't dawn on her until she saw a picture of them later on, that the color of her dress was the exact color of Sirius's eyes glinting in the candlelight._

* * *

_Calandra flicked her wand at the small group of tables under the marquee. The dishes and cutlery sparkled and shone as they packed themselves neatly into the box at the corner of the tent. The tablecloths folded themselves and floated over to a separate box. Alice came out of the chapel and skipped toward her. Calandra smiled at her friend. Alice changed into light blue robes that seemed to float around her. She looked like she felt as light as a feather._

" _No, no!" Alice said, batting her hands at Calandra. "None of that! It's fine!"_

" _I'm just putting them in boxes. The marquee people will be here soon and it's one less thing for them to do." Calandra replied._

_Alice rolled her eyes and swept Calandra into a hug, spinning them around._

" _I can hardly believe it." Alice said. "I'm married!"_

" _Feel any different?" Calandra smirked._

" _Doesn't feel real yet." Alice admitted. "It probably won't for a while."_

" _You're happy, though. Right?" Calandra gazed at her friend._

_Alice nodded, and her face split into a wide smile._

" _I am." She said. "I'm the happiest I've ever been."_

_Calandra nodded a firm nod, then wrapped her arms around her friend._

" _Good." She said. "That's what matters."_

_Alice's eyes softened as she pulled back and looked at Calandra._

" _Are you happy?" she asked softly._

_Calandra thought about her friend's question._

" _Most of the time." She said._

_Alice shook her head._

" _You're not really, though are you?" she asked._

_Calandra smiled._

" _I have friends who are absolutely wonderful and a man who I love to bits. If the world wasn't such a shit show I think I'd be perfectly happy." She said._

_Alice studied her and pulled her back in for another hug. Frank called out from somewhere in the chapel looking for her. Calandra nodded her head toward the church doors, motioning for Alice to go. Alice took a step back then reached for Calandra's hand._

" _It's not a trap." She said, big amber eyes staring into Calandra's very soul. "Not when it's with the right person."_

_Calandra nodded._

" _I know." She said. "I really do."_

_Alice squeezed her hand and ran toward the chapel. She turned around on the step and blew Calandra a kiss, before disappearing behind the doors. Calandra smiled after her friend and looked around the empty marquee. Sirius popped around the corner levitating a stack of chairs behind him. He shot her a smile._

_**It's not a trap. Not if it's the right person.** _

_She knew that it wouldn't be a trap with Sirius, not for her. But what if it was for him?_

* * *

November 16, 1993

The pounding in her head dulled the tiniest bit. Calandra pressed her head against the wall and thought back to that night. She'd been trapped in lots of different places before. But being with him had never been a trap; it had been the most freeing thing on earth.


	60. Chapter 60

December 12, 1993

Calandra's drive to escape dwindled as the pain her head grew. There were times when she still tried to bribe the healer or hex the door open, but none of the attempts ever worked, and she was too tired to care all that much. Sirius had escaped. That was enough for now. When she could figure out how to make it through one day without passing out from pain, she'd figure out a way to get out, too.

* * *

December 28, 1993

Bright lights spotted her vision. Familiar, yet unfamiliar voices rang in her ears. She clenched her hands to her temples and tried to relieve the unbearable pressure there. Her vision grew blurry and a different setting replaced the grey walls of her room.

She was painting there. Her hands were covered in different colors. Pots of paint and mugs of water lay scattered around her where she sat in front of the canvas. She had a streak of paint on her cheek.

The pressure in her head grew and she hissed in pain. Blinding light flashed across her eyes and she thought she saw flashing grey eyes before drifting into nothing.

* * *

January 8, 1994

Calandra tied the sheet tightly around her forehead. She could feel a vein throbbing at her temple and focused on counting the beats. The pressure grew and grew, but the sheet helped a bit. She bit her lip and tried to think through the pain. Bright lights clouded her vision and she slipped away again.

* * *

January 15, 1994

She filled the bathtub with water and plunged her head in. Calandra opened her mouth and screamed with everything in her. Her ears popped and she felt relief surge through her.

Finally, the pressure had let up. She raised up and leant against the tub, her hair dripping water down her robes. Her labored breaths grew easier. She fell into a restful sleep there with her cheek against the porcelain, and dreamt a dream she'd never had before.

Two small boys sat in a bedroom in her dream. Both were skinny little things with dark hair. They were so familiar. Calandra couldn't figure out how she knew them. They were studying a sheet of paper as if it held all the answers in the universe.

One pointed down at the paper and nudged the other one.

"That one's you!" he said.

The boy's voice was so sweet. Calandra wished she could hear him talk more. The other little boy nodded and stuck a small hand toward the page.

"And that's you?" he asked tentatively.

The older one nodded. He smiled at the other boy, and his smile was familiar. He scooted closer to his friend and held the page up for them both to get a better look. Calandra craned her neck to see what they were looking at, but fog clouded through her dream. She heard the boy with the sweet voice say something and started running toward them. She wanted to get back to them. She wanted to see what they were looking at.

The fog grew thicker and Calandra's head pounded. She had to get back to those little boys. Something in her heart tugged at the thought of the older one. She knew him. She'd seen him before. She needed to get them out of this fog. What if the fog wasn't safe?

She ran and ran, but got nowhere. Her footsteps echoed and the noise thudded painfully in her head with each step. She had to get to the boys. She forced herself to continue running, trying to think of where she knew the boys form. She tried to remember their names, but her mind wouldn't cooperate.

The pounding in her head grew to an unbearable amount and with an agonized scream she jolted awake. Calandra sat back from the edge of the tub and shivered at the cool air on her wet skin. She wrapped her arms around her knees and rocked back and forth.

She knew she'd seen those boys somewhere before, but where? The oldest one couldn't have been more than six or seven. They weren't any of the boys she went to primary school with. They weren't from the neighborhood she used to live in, but she could have sworn she knew them. At least the oldest one.

Calandra leant forward and rested her chin on her knees. She let her mind wander. Colors and voices swirled lazily in her mind. Bits of music floated through her thoughts like feathers in air. She hummed a familiar tune and let herself get lost in the memories.

_A napkin folded in the shape of a swan._

_Purple. Royal purple. Lacy royal purple._

" _Hi, there. How are you?"_

_The minty taste of toothpaste._

_Burgundy. Rich and expensive._

" _It's been a long time."_

_Hair ties scattered over the countertop in the bathroom._

_Laughter as long lanky legs tangled with hers and someone else._

" _Seems like we've come a long way."_

_Red. Dark red. Fanning out in a wide arc._

_A bag at her feet with sunglasses and a book in it._

" _My, but we learn so slow."_

_Turquoise. Cool and soothing._

_The taste of pina coladas._

" _And heroes, they come and they go."_

_The smell of cigarettes._

_Grey. Flashing grey eyes._

" _And leave us behind."_

_A pair of blue striped swimming shorts._

_White sand beaches._

" _As if we're supposed to know."_

_Black._

_A tiny black ponytail._

Calandra's eyes shot open and she sat straight up. That was the boy. The little boy from her dream was the boy she'd seen that day on the beach. When she thought about the future and realized she'd never have children, that little boy was the one with Sirius's eyes.

She leant her cheek against the edge of the tub and stared into the water . Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. It was just a dream. The little boy was just a dream. A dream she'd never have come true, even if she wanted it. She was stuck in here.

But he wasn't.

The thought brought a faint smile to her face and a pang to her chest. He wasn't stuck anymore. Maybe one day there would be a little boy. A little boy with grey eyes and a quick smile, who would try to make his friends laugh. A little boy that would only know love, and never cruelty, from his parents. Maybe he'd walk hand in hand with them as they splashed their feet in the water. Maybe matching grey eyes would look to the stars and map them.

Maybe one day there'd be someone who'd replace her. That would be ok. Maybe one day, new tattoos would cover the ones that matched hers and someone else would memorize them all. Maybe one day, someone else would sit on the back of that motorcycle and breathe in the smell of cigarettes and caramel. Maybe one day, someone else would run their fingers through his hair and scratch his head. Maybe she'd try to convince him chop it all off. Calandra almost laughed at the thought of Sirius with a shaved head.

Maybe one day there would be a wife and a little boy or a little girl, and they'd be a family and they'd be happy. He would be free. And maybe that would be enough.


	61. Chapter 61

October 2, 1998

It took her far too long to realize what was happening. Calandra tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled to herself. Far too long. She'd had the headaches and the strange dreams for months before she understood what they were.

"That's old age, for you I guess." She said to the wall.

* * *

February 6, 1994

Calandra was puzzled at the dreams she'd been having. Her headaches weren't as bad as before, but they still pounded behind her temples. When they faded away Calandra would drift off to sleep and dream those strange dreams.

She lay in the bed and stared at the white ceiling, thinking about the dream she'd just had. She'd been standing in the flat, singing an old Air Supply song. That song had been on the radio all the time. She was stirring something, maybe soup, and dancing about the kitchen.

Calandra watched herself in her dream. Her hair was wild. It looked like she hadn't even run a comb through it. She seemed softer somehow; as if someone had taken a paintbrush and smoothed all her edges. Her eyes looked bigger than they did when she caught her reflection in the water of the tub, and the small details she always noticed about herself didn't seem to be here in this dream. Other details stood out instead.

The Calandra in the dream turned back over her shoulder and smiled a devastating smile at whatever stood there. Calandra was awestruck by the look on her own face. She reached out a hand to touch the dream version of herself, but the dream dissolved into fog before she got the chance.

* * *

February 27, 1994

The healer didn't speak very much, now. She came into the room, cast her diagnostics, gave Calandra potions, and left. Calandra didn't try to make conversation. There was nothing she could say to the old woman that she hadn't said before.

She stared at the potions on the bedside table and thought back to when she'd asked the witch why she was keeping her here. The conversation would be one she took to the grave.

" _So, is my magic all better?" Calandra asked._

" _It's healing nicely." The healer said. "It'll probably never be what it was, you can't exercise it. But it's coming along."_

" _Doesn't that go against what the hospital is all about?" Calandra quipped. "Shouldn't you be encouraging me to practice?"_

" _In your case," the healer said. "No."_

" _Why is my case different?" Calandra asked._

_The healer looked shrewdly at Calandra._

" _Dumbledore informed me of your condition upon arrival. It is my duty to ensure the safety of my staff and the other patients."_

" _So, it's because I'm part Siren?" she asked. "That's it?"_

" _That's it?" the healer repeated, a bit incredulous. "What? Do you think it's just a case of Mumblemumps? You shouldn't even be here."_

" _Then let me go." Calandra said._

" _I couldn't even if I wanted to." The healer said. "Your father's donation to the hospital has paid for the renovation of six wards."_

" _Besides," the healer went on. "Dumbledore gave me strict orders to keep you here."_

" _And he's the boss of you, is he?" Calandra spat._

" _I recommended snipping your vocal cords." The healer fixed a cold gaze on Calandra. "Would you rather we go that route?"_

_Calandra was silent for a few moments. If her father knew the healer's intentions, he probably would've given her the go ahead on it._

" _If I let you do that, will you let me go?" Calandra asked quietly._

_The healer looked up in surprise. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth turned down in disgust._

" _It's not my decision to make." She said and walked out the door._

She'd have gone through with it, too. If there was a guarantee they'd let her out, she'd have done it herself. But her father would never let her out. Not even if she was silenced.

* * *

March 13, 1994

Calandra paced the room. Eight steps across. Eight steps back. She thought of Remus. Some of the strange dreams had him in them. Times and places where she couldn't remember being, but were so real, she could swear she'd lived them before.

Him falling asleep on the sofa in the common room with things piled on him, walking back up from the Whomping Willow, sitting at a desk in class whispering to his friends. Calandra tried to remember the specifics of those times and places but couldn't get her brain to cooperate with her. So, she thought of things she could remember about her friend.

He'd had a soft spot for Dorcas. Calandra didn't know what it was about her, but Dorcas could always squeak by without him being cross with her.

He was absolute shit at Arithmancy that first year. It had taken him forever to get the hang of those formulas.

He took great pride in pranking Peeves.

Filch was the one who gave him most of his detentions. The teachers mostly felt sorry for him but Filch granted him no leniency.

He always went easy on her when they dueled, and she hated it. It made her so angry that she'd hit him with stinging hexes to piss him off and make him fight her.

He liked sitting by the lake at school but didn't care for going into the forest.

He let her pierce his ear to win a bet with Peter and James sixth year. She'd healed it a few days later, but for a couple days he wore a fetching dangly silver hoop.

They'd tried to teach Sirius how to drive his mother's old car once. It had been a disaster. They had ended up in a ditch after driving the wrong way through the little town and Remus had talked his way out of trouble with the traffic wardens. He'd said that he was trying to teach his simpleton cousin how to drive because it had been his greatest wish. Sirius was sputtering and flustered, and they'd believed Remus.

When she made steaks, she cooked his medium rare, even though he usually preferred rare. She knew that he hated the fact he liked them that way.

He'd never treated her any different than any of his other friends because of what she was.

He liked The Rolling Stones and always sang along to the Bee Gees.

He'd offered to walk her down the aisle if she ever got married. She'd laughed and told him if the day ever came, she'd make him wear solid gold robes and one of McGonagall's dress hats.

His hair had started to go grey at the temples about a year after they left school. He hated it. Calandra said it was distinguished. They'd gone out to the pub that night and a couple of pretty young girls had chatted him up, so they called him a silver fox for weeks afterward.

He was always scared that people would cast him aside. Because of what he was.

He never forgot her birthday. Even if all he sent was a simple card, he always remembered.

He'd used the mirrors Sirius and James had charmed to call her the first time he babysat Harry. He'd begged her to come over and help him properly do up the nappy. Harry had peed on the sofa and on Remus and on the cat before she got there and showed him how to fix it.

He'd never answered any of her letters after he and Sirius had fought that night at Godric's Hollow.

She'd missed him terribly. Every time Abba would come back home with no letter, her heart would break a little more.

She pressed her forehead against the wall and swallowed the grief that washed over her. He held such a special place in her heart. He was the first person she'd willingly and intentionally shared her secret with. He was the person that intertwined her life with Sirius. He was the person who understood how she felt about what she was. And she would probably never see him again.

* * *

March 30, 1994

She held her breath and waited for the pain to subside. It didn't last as long as it used to. There were even some days when she could go hours without feeling the pounding in her head. Those were the days she tried to figure out how to leave that blasted room.

She couldn't think of anything new to try. No complicated schemes or grand escape plans. Her head hurt too much to think about it for too long, so she just tried all the things she'd tried before.

She hid behind the door and held it so it wouldn't close, but when she tried to step through the doorway she could only get as far as the frame. Some invisible barrier kept her inside. She tried pulling the toilet and the sink up in the bathroom, but they wouldn't budge. She didn't really think they would. She'd managed to get the sink up in the bathroom once and had rammed the door with it repeatedly hoping to bust it open, but all she'd managed to do was bash the porcelain to bits.

She used the bedside table to break off a chunk of the bathtub and spent weeks scraping away at the wall around the door, trying to get out. The healer was impressed with that one. She hadn't huffed or sighed or anything when she figured it out. She'd just repaired the tub and placed unbreakable spells on it.

Calandra ran her hands along the walls and hummed to herself, sifting through previous escape attempts in her mind and wondering which one might actually have half a chance of working this go around. None of them seemed to jump out at her.

* * *

April 9, 1994

The dreams continued. They were especially vivid when she'd nod off during the day. She could almost figure them out then, so Calandra kept herself awake as long as she could, so she'd have a better chance at examining the dreams. The only problem with that, was it sent her right back to those weeks she couldn't sleep, after Dorcas's death.

She was right back outside that small house with those huge windows. Calandra knew what was coming. She closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn't bear to watch it again. Dorcas's screams filled her head and she pressed her hands to her ears, trying to block out the sounds. She held herself through the screams and waited for the other dreams. If she could make it through the awful ones, she could figure out the others.

Thankfully, the screams faded away and new sounds took their place. Calandra studied her surroundings and tried to make sense of the dream. She was in a bedroom. Quidditch posters lined the walls and two beds sat on either side of a window. Each bed had a small figure lying in it, covered up with a fluffy duvet.

Calandra walked forward and peered down at the sleeping figures. One of them rolled over and Calandra stopped in her tracks. She was looking down at James Potter. He was about thirteen, his hair was sticking up every which way, long lanky arms spread out across the bed, his glasses crooked on his face. Calandra drew her brows together and glanced around the room. Why was she dreaming about this? She didn't even really know James back then.

She looked over to the second bed to find Sirius curled up there. She took a step toward him just as the door opened. Euphemia Potter walked in and checked on each bed. Calandra peered around her as she tucked James's covers around him, and found herself looking into a small grey eye only half open. Euphemia turned back towards Sirius's bed and he closed his eyes very quickly. Euphemia ran her hand across the dark hair that fanned out over his pillow and tucked the covers around him

"Sleep tight, my boys." She whispered and left the room.

Calandra stayed where she was, staring down at him. He'd opened his eyes again, and was staring up at the ceiling. Calandra reached out a hand and tried to touch him, but her fingers just sank right through his hair as if she was nothing more than mist. She drew her hand back and gazed at the look on his face. His smile was the loveliest thing in the world. His eyes fluttered closed and Calandra watched as his breathing evened out.

The dream suddenly grew hazy and Calandra found herself surrounded by fog again. She tried to wave it away, but it grew thicker and thicker until she couldn't see anything else. Why couldn't she get back to them? Calandra tried to banish the fog in her dream. She ran, looking for a wall or a door. There was nothing. She was stuck there, until the fog completely enveloped her. Then she woke up.

She lifted her head from her knees and rubbed her eyes. Why had she dreamed that dream? It didn't make any sense. She wasn't friends with Sirius or James back then, she wasn't even friends with Remus. Most of her dreams centered around places in time she wished she could go back to. Memories she played over and over in her-

Memories.

Most of her dreams were her memories.

There was no way she could have remembered that scenario. She hadn't even lived it. But Sirius had. They weren't her memories; they were his.

She laughed out loud. These were the memories; the memories he'd given her. She could finally see them. She leant her head back against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't going crazy.

She closed her eyes and smiled. She'd take every headache that came her way if she could see the rest of them. She wanted to see every single one he gave her. Calandra hummed softly to herself as she let her mind wander over the possibilities of what she'd see. She had a connection to him again.


	62. Chapter 62

May 17, 1994

Calandra drank the potions and sat on the edge of the bed. The headaches eased off a bit. Sometimes they were nothing more than a soft ache at the back of her mind, but they always came back with a vengeance.

They puzzled her, those headaches. Why were they just happening now? Was it because her magic was getting stronger? Was it because those memories weren't really her memories and her mind was trying to push them out? Were they just intruders her brain was trying to fight?

She didn't have any of the answers to those questions, and most of the time she was too focused on trying to control the memories to care. But sometimes, late at night, she wondered. She'd lay in bed and stare at the ceiling and try to work out different possibilities. But she never figured it out.

* * *

July 12, 1994

Calandra hummed softly to herself, trying to figure out the tune that swam through all the brief glimpses of memories that flashed in her mind. She paced the room and ran her fingers along the wall, trying to piece together bits of melody.

It wasn't something that reminded her of her mother. Her mother preferred more upbeat music. Music she could dance to. This wasn't very fast. The song that floated through those memories was slower, more mellow.

It wasn't anything that Alice played. She had very specific tastes. She preferred Elton John, and only listened to other music when Calandra played it and sang along.

It wasn't rock. It wasn't the Rolling Stones or Pink Floyd or Zeppelin. It was smooth and a bit twangy. Far too tame for those bands.

Calandra hummed a bit of it again and pursed her lips. It wasn't Queen. It wasn't nearly complicated enough to be one of their songs. None of that fanfare or anything. Whatever it was, was simple and beautiful.

It wasn't the Exile song they played over and over. Good Godric, Sirius had played that song all the time. Calandra shook her head at the memory.

" _You know, we do have other albums." Calandra said, putting plates away in the cupboard._

" _Why play any of those when this one has the perfect song on it?" Sirius asked, setting the needle on the record again._

" _I wouldn't call this the perfect song." Calandra laughed._

_Sirius moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, swaying along to the music._

" _But it is perfect. Just listen." He said and sang along to the music._

" _Gonna wrap my arms around you." He gave her a smirk._

" _Hold you close to me." He leant in and kissed her, singing against her lips._

" _Wanna taste your lips, wanna be your fantasy."_

_Calandra laughed against his mouth and pulled back, twirling him around._

" _Do you really like the song that much or are you just gunning for a shag?" she asked._

" _Both." He winked._

_Calandra laughed and he spun them around, waltzing all through the kitchen._

She smiled and bit her lip. It wasn't that song, but she almost wished it was.

* * *

July 30, 1994

Calandra ran her finger over the calendar. There were small smudges on the corners of most of the squares from where she'd put bits of soap to mark the different days. The healer hadn't given her a magical calendar; she was still using the one she'd asked for years ago, but Calandra thought she'd counted right. She couldn't quite remember much of anything between her father's response to her letter and last year, but even if she miscounted, she'd only be a year off. That wasn't so bad, all things considering.

It was Neville's birthday today. He was a teenager now. Calandra traced her fingers over the letters that made up the word _July_ on the calendar. She wondered what kind of cake Alice was baking him. Did Frank show Neville how to fling those cards and hit the gnomes in their garden, yet?

Calandra pressed her lips together and stared at the page.

Did Alice ever tell him stories of her? Did she show him any of the pictures of himself as a little baby reaching out for Calandra? Did he even know she ever existed? Or did Alice keep her hidden; his godmother he never really knew? Did it cause too much pain to show him the pictures or the paintings or the sketches?

She could understand if it did. If she were in Alice's spot, Calandra didn't know if she could look at pictures without crying. It was ok if Neville didn't know her more than a name that was mentioned in passing. It was ok if he didn't know his nursery was painted by her. It was ok if he didn't know she used to sing him to sleep and bounce him on her knee. It was ok if he didn't know he used to reach for her when she swirled through the fireplace.

"It's ok." She told herself as tears slid down her nose.

He was safe and it was ok.

* * *

August 21, 1994

The healer was scribbling on parchment when she came into the room. Calandra looked at her with curiosity. She didn't usually bring anything but the potions these days. Calandra craned her neck to try to see what the parchments were, but couldn't tell.

"Lots of paperwork today?" she asked pleasantly.

The healer glanced up at Calandra and continued scribbling her quill across the parchment.

"Yes, a bit." She said shortly.

"Anything I need to sign?" Calandra asked, hopefully.

The healer rolled her eyes.

"No." she said, waving her wand over the vials on the table.

Calandra sighed and reached for the potions.

* * *

September 1, 1994

They were off to school. Calandra propped her chin in her hand and tapped a finger to the calendar. Neville and Harry were off to school. They were probably already on the train. Alice was probably straightening Neville's robes and tucking permission slips and extra parchment in his trunk.

Perhaps he and Harry were friends. Merlin knows they probably would've been if circumstances had been different. The two of them would probably be over at the flat all the time, getting into mischief with one another. Maybe the two of them were friends now, even though life hadn't gone as planned. Maybe they'd both been sorted into the same house. Calandra chuckled to herself. Maybe it had been Gryffindor.

Calandra pictured them there, now. Neville with Frank's eyes and Alice's smile, tugging a trunk along. Harry, his hair sticking up in every direction, just like James's. Both of them in Gryffindor robes, waving to one another. Maybe next year (or perhaps this year, Calandra wasn't sure) one of them would be made Prefect. Lily would've been over the moon if it happened to Harry. James would probably have teased him about it but would've been as chuffed as could be. Alice would cry if it were Neville. She'd laugh and fling her arms around him like she always did when she was excited, and he would probably try to wriggle free.

Calandra smiled and closed her eyes, dreaming of children she loved as if they were her own. Lost in a world that she had no part of anymore.

* * *

November 28, 1994

Calandra tried to bring the memories forward on her own. She tried and tried to bend them to her will and pull them to the forefront of her mind so she could watch them herself, but of course they refused. What else should she have expected from his memories? They were just like him; vibrant, and insufferably independent, and so very warm when she did get to glimpse them.

She leant her head back against the wall and wiped the sweat from her forehead. The ache in her mind drummed a steady rhythm that beat in time to her heart beats. She took deep breaths and focused her mind on the dream she'd woken up from.

A stag had been in the middle of the road. Someone had laughed in the distance. The moon was reflected on the water in a puddle by the road. The sound of an animal snorting. Then she'd woken up.

Calandra focused on the laugh. The sound was warm and full of light. She thought of the moon reflected in the puddle and watched the image ripple when someone walked through it. Stars dotted the black water surrounding the moon. The laugh rang out again and Calandra felt her chest grow warm with the sound. She smiled to herself without even realizing it and looked around to see where it came from.

She couldn't see anything, though. There was just her and the puddle and the moon. She stood there quietly, waiting for something more. Calandra stared down at the reflection of the moon and drifted off to sleep again. The last thing she could remember was the stars laughing.

* * *

January 21, 1995

Calandra pressed her head against the cold stone wall and grit her teeth.

"Come on." She muttered to herself. "Are you a witch or are you a walrus? Get it together."

She focused her mind and concentrated on pushing her own memories back, behind Occlumency walls. If she could file her own away, the others would surface. She sorted through her thoughts and carefully sealed them behind brick walls of nothing. She meditated and emptied her mind, waiting for his memories to return.

"Prongs…" a voice called out in her mind.

She drew a deep breath and continued her Occlumency. All her memories were shoved away, hidden behind tall walls. Her mind was a blank canvas ready to be painted with his memories. Stark whiteness ready for colors and shapes and sounds.

Laughter. Familiar laughter, but it wasn't his. His laughter was a punch in the gut; sharp and sweet and devastating. This laughter wasn't as biting. It was like playing exploding snap beside the fire. It was comforting but had an edge to it.

Calandra tried to figure it out without destroying her walls. She rolled it around in her mind and tried to move on from it and let her mind go blank, but it was too late. Her Occlumency walls shattered and her own memories flew forward. Laughter filled her mind and she listened for the right one.

It was Remus. Of course, she should've known. His laugh almost always held something back. It could change in an instant. One moment he could be laughing along to a joke, then the next minute catch you off guard with a witty, sarcastic remark.

Calandra sighed and brought her hands up to her temples. Her head pounded horribly, and she knew she wouldn't get anywhere with the memories tonight. She'd just have to be satisfied with her own.

* * *

March 10, 1995

This day had some sort of significance. Calandra couldn't quite remember what it was, but she knew they'd celebrated something. They'd toasted one another with sip cups full of champagne and sang songs for Harry.

Calandra thought back and tried to make sense of the memory. They were babysitting Harry. Was that why they were celebrating? Why would that be a celebration? She remembered Harry crawling all over the living room floor and almost making it to the fireplace.

Sirius had swooped in and corralled him back toward the couch then shielded the fireplace so Harry couldn't get inside. He'd tickled Harry with his beard scruff and Harry had shrieked with laughter.

Calandra smirked at the memory. She'd jumped him almost before they'd gotten through the fireplace later than night.

" _Whoa, Cal." Sirius said laughing. "What's got you all riled up?"_

" _You look good with a baby." She said pulling his mouth to hers._

" _Wonder if James will let me borrow Prongslet tomorrow, too." He shrugged off his jacket and lifted her onto the kitchen counter, a devastating smile on his face._

* * *

June 5, 1995

Calandra drank the potions the healer gave her and lay back as the woman cast her diagnostic spells. She gazed up at the white ceiling and wondered just how her magic was healing. The healer probably wouldn't tell her the truth if she asked, so she didn't.

She'd been taking magic suppressants for years, now. She had no idea what the long-term effects of that would be. Maybe she'd never be able to do magic again. What would life be like if that were true? A life without magic. Calandra chewed the inside of her cheek and thought about the possibilities.

Maybe they'd let her out if she couldn't perform magic anymore. If she wasn't a threat to anyone maybe her father wouldn't care enough about her to keep her here. She shook her head and sighed. That wouldn't happen. There was no use pretending it would.

* * *

August 19, 1995

There was apple cider with dinner. Calandra peered at the goblet suspiciously. It was always water before now. She lifted it to her nose and sniffed it, looking for hints of potion ingredients. It smelled normal. She dipped her finger in it and brought it to her lips. It tasted normal, too.

Calandra set the goblet back down and pushed her plate away from her. She didn't really have an appetite. She hadn't really had an appetite in a decade. Eating was just something she did so the healer wouldn't give her more potions.

She rested her elbows on the bedside table and watched the blue light glow on the grey walls. Blue and grey. Once upon a time, blue light shining on grey walls might have been romantic. It might have reminded her of poetry of lover's eyes or pictures of wedding dates. But, in this room, it wasn't romantic at all. It was suffocating.

* * *

October 30, 1995

She lay in bed with the sheets over her head, hiding from everything. Calandra closed her eyes and wished that tomorrow wouldn't come. She wished that they could just skip the day and go straight to November 1st. But that wasn't how it worked. Tomorrow always came, no matter how much she dreaded it.

* * *

December 17, 1995

Calandra pulled the scrap of paper with the tiny hands on toward her. She ran a finger down the edge and across the curves. Those little hands weren't little anymore. Her heart clenched at that knowledge.

She'd missed out on thousands of hugs from those chubby little arms. Missed out on a decade's worth of walks in the park grasping those little hands. She only ever knew the soft baby hands that wrapped around her fingers. She only ever got to feel them change from soft baby hands to chubby toddler hands that liked to play with her hair. She never got to feel them change from toddler hands to scraped up little boy hands or awkward teenage hands that felt like they were too big.

Calandra swallowed and held the bit of parchment in both hands. This was all she had left of him; of that beautiful little boy with big amber eyes who looked at her like she had all the answers in the world. This was all she had left of the little boy she loved more than herself. This was all she had left of Neville.

A tear dropped onto the parchment and Calandra patted it dry and quickly put it away so it nothing else could damage it. It was all she had left and she'd be damned if she lost it too.

* * *

January 2, 1996

She stirred the cup of tea on the bedside table and brought the spoon to her mouth, trying to focus her mind on the memories. Her head pounded and her eyes grew blurry. She sipped the tea, trying to ground herself and breathe through the pain. It was almost always the worst a few minutes after she woke up.

She lay her head back against the pillow and curled into a ball, letting the pain overtake her. She wouldn't fight it today; she'd let it consume her. And when she inevitably passed out from it, hopefully her dreams would be of him.


	63. Chapter 63

March 5, 1996

Calandra sat with her elbows resting on her knees, her chin in her hand, staring down at the eyes on the scrap of parchment. She was surprised that the healer hadn't found them before now. It had been years since she'd drawn them. The edges of the tiny bits of parchment were curled and the lines of ink not as pristine and crisp as they once were. But they were still his eyes. She could pick them out of a room in a heartbeat.

She chewed on her lip as she tried to focus her mind enough to bring his memories to the surface. She stared down into his eyes and tried pushing her other memories to the back of her mind, tried burying them away under Occlumency walls again, but it didn't do much. He was right, she was shit at Occlumency.

Her head started its steady thump-thump of dull ache that always happened when she tried to wrestle the memories into her will. She shut her eyes and focused on the pain. She pushed and prodded at her mind, causing the ache to grow. Sometimes, if she pushed hard enough, the pain would give way to a glimpse of a memory.

Not today, though. The pain just settled behind her eyes and made her dizzy. She lay on the bed and brought the scrap of parchment close to her face. She'd try again tomorrow. Tonight she'd sleep and, with any luck, the image of those eyes would keep the nightmares away.

* * *

April 10, 1996

Calandra washed her hands at the sink in the bathroom. She flung her hands out to her sides to shake the water from them and smiled at the gesture. It reminded her of a shaggy black dog that used to walk by her side at the park near the flat. A black dog that would splash in the water and chase the ducks, then stand beside her and fling water all over her. A shaggy black dog that used to run in forests with a stag and get into trouble. A dog that would never get the chance to do it again, because the stag was gone.

The thought sobered her. It brought everything into stark focus. Calandra counted quickly in her head, guessing at the years. He'd only gotten ten years with his best friend. With the one person who meant more to him than anything else. And he'd been stuck in that prison for...twelve years. He'd been stuck there for longer than he'd had his best friend. The unfairness of it all made her shake with fury. He and James had been cheated out of a lifetime of each other, and even though he'd escaped it couldn't bring that blasted stag back.

Calandra sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself and cried. She didn't cry for herself; those tears were long gone. She cried for brothers that never got to live the life they deserved.

* * *

May 4, 1996

She was finally able to pull one of his memories forward at will. It made her head pound and her eyes go blurry, but she could do it.

It was quick; barely even a memory, just a glimpse into the past, but it was something. It meant she could do it if she worked hard enough. She sat against the wall and focused her mind on the Gryffindor common room. Soon, misty tendrils formed familiar shapes and she was looking at James, Lily, and Sirius sitting on a couch.

James leant toward Lily and whispered something that made her blush, then Sirius sat up and told a joke. Lily threw her head back in laughter and James tousled Sirius hair.

That was all it was.

Calandra couldn't hear what they said, not yet, but it was enough.

* * *

May 12, 1996

Calandra chewed her lip as she paced the room. The healer had watched her anxiously when she took the potions today. Calandra wondered if it meant something was going wrong with her magic or if it meant that her magic was healing quicker than the healer wanted it to.

She ran her hands along the stone walls and tried different charms on them. She tried turning them yellow, making them glass, and as many other charms as she could think of. Nothing happened.

She stepped back and surveyed the wall. That large expanse of grey stone. Calandra bit her lip and reached a shaking hand out. She splayed her fingers wide across the stone and pressed her palm firmly against the wall. She cleared her throat and concentrated on her voice. She hummed to herself and swallowed.

"Colovaria," she said in a firm voice.

Something inside her hummed faintly. She startled at the feeling and grit her teeth.

"Colovaria," she said, louder this time.

That same feeling buzzed inside her, barely noticeable. Calandra smiled and lifted her chin.

"Colovaria," she repeated, not quite singing, but not simply speaking, either.

She pulled her hand away, and there on the grey stone where her palm rested moments before, was the faintest hint of yellow. In the shape of her hand. Calandra held her hand close to her chest and sank to the floor.

She knelt there, surrounded by grey stone, and wept tears of joy.

* * *

May 28, 1996

Calandra watched the healer peer around the room. The woman's eyes studied the floor and the walls suspiciously, then glanced at Calandra. Calandra swallowed, but didn't say a word. The healer handed Calandra two vials of potions and watched her closely as she drank them down.

"Anything new happening out there?" Calandra asked.

The healer cast a long appraising look over Calandra.

"Nothing of interest?" Calandra asked.

The healer shook her head and left the room. Calandra sat back against the pillow on the bed and studied the wall. The yellow handprint had faded not even a minute after she'd taken her hand away. There was no way the healer knew what to look for.

* * *

June 1, 1996

The images shifted in Calandra's mind and she stood in the bedroom of the flat staring down at herself sleeping. She had on an old vest and what looked like a pair of Sirius's pants. Her hair was wild on the pillow and one of her arms stretched out across burgundy sheets, feeling for something.

A sound behind her made her turn. Sirius stood at the end of the bed, toeing his shoes off. He kicked them to the side and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it at the basket in the corner. Calandra reached a hand out toward him, and he walked forward. For a moment she was filled with hopeful anticipation. Then, he walked straight through her and shucked his trousers off before sliding under the duvet.

He pulled the Calandra on the bed close to him and wrapped an arm around her, burying his face in her hair. He closed his eyes as her arm wrapped around his waist. He murmured against her hair, a smile on his face.

Perfect." He breathed.

Calandra stood there, hoping that the memory wouldn't fade away, staring down at a version of herself she almost didn't recognize. But, as always, white mist clouded her thoughts until the vision of her and Sirius wrapped around one another was nothing but fog.

* * *

June 10, 1996

There was a pattern to the headaches now. When she first woke up, they were just dull aches followed by a horrible burst of pain that seemed to ebb back off just a bit after a few moments. But then it grew and grew throughout the day, culminating in horrible jolts of pain around what she assumed was midday. Evenings were bearable. Calandra spent her days waiting for the food to appear on the dishes that sat on the tray in her room. When the food appeared, the headaches usually faded a bit.

Nights were varied. Some nights, she could sleep somewhat peacefully. Other nights were unbearable. It was as if all of her worst nightmares lurked in the shadows of her mind and were waiting to trap her there in the darkness with them forever.

Calandra tried to figure out what the pattern meant. She pretended to be asleep when the healer brought in the potions, so she could take them at a different time than normal. But that didn't change anything. The same pattern held. She changed her sleeping patterns, she changed when she ate, she changed everything that she had the power to change. But the pattern still held. The headaches were worse during the day, then eased off at dinnertime.

Calandra chewed on her fingernails and wondered what it meant.

* * *

June 14, 1996

Calandra ate her dinner in silence. Her head had stopped its pounding. Flashes of memories floated across her mind and she tried to focus on seeing them clearly.

_Playing with Harry on the Potters' sofa._

_Climbing a tree at school._

_Hugging Alice._

_Fireworks exploding in the sky._

_Snowballs flying through the air._

_Remus whispering to James._

_Sirius eating a biscuit._

_A stag walking across the road._

_The Whomping Willow._

She let herself get lost in them, relishing the brief glimpses into a life she used to be a part of. Waiting for the pain and the fog to return.

* * *

June 16, 1996

The bottles of soap and shampoo in the bathroom sat on the floor beside the tub. Calandra gazed at them with sad eyes and a hollow heart. The soap bottle was lighter than the shampoo bottle; Calandra had held it in her hands turning it around and around as she had done many times before.

If she brought it out into the light it was light brown, golden highlights catching on the light. Bright amber that took her back to late night conversations and reassuring nods. It was the color of feeling loved and secure and accepted. It was a pretty, open face and skinny arms wrapped around her shoulders.

If she set the bottle back in the shadow from the tub it was darker. Deep amber that always made sympathy well up in her chest. It took her back to library books and sarcastic jabs and gentle hands that always patted her back. It was the color of trust and understanding and protection. It was long scars and curly brown hair and knitted jumpers.

The shampoo bottle had hints of green in it when she tilted it from side to side. Light brown with streaks of gold and bright spots of green. It almost always made her want to smile, especially the irony of it. It took her back to jokes and pranks and bone crushing hugs when there was something to celebrate. It was the color of laughter and hope and family. It was quick smiles, messy hair, and an incredible talent for transfiguration.

Then there were the walls. Those grey walls. Under the lights of the bathroom, the walls were almost right. They weren't dark and stormy like the room where her bed was. Here they were light, and when Calandra splashed water from the tub on them, they almost sparkled. It took her back to early mornings and late nights and lazy Sunday afternoons. It was the color of hope and desire and love. It was dark ink and silky hair and the taste of caramel on her tongue. It was home.

* * *

June 18, 1996

Her head pounded and her heart raced. She drew herself into a ball and lay on the bed, pressing her hands against her temples. Calandra grit her teeth and counted the heartbeats that throbbed in her skull. She focused on the memories that she knew swirled somewhere in her mind and tried to bring them forward.

Bits of conversation floated to the forefront of her mind and she focused on them instead of the pain.

_A small voice._

" _Brightest ones…"_

_A man, reminding her of when she'd go to Diagon Alley and would see street vendors selling things at stalls._

" _New line of Juggling Jumpers….."_

_Remus's voice full of laughter._

" _Nice one."_

_Calandra's voice echoing through her own mind._

" _Do this on my own…"_

_Sirius scoffing._

" _Better than that…"_

_James laughing._

" _Of course you are…"_

_McGonagall's prim voice._

" _Very proud..."_

_Little baby laughs._

Calandra waited for the fog to cloud her mind like it always did. The ache in her head grew worse than it had ever been before and she cried out in pain. She pulled the pillow over her head and tried to focus on her breathing.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The vein in her temple throbbed and she felt like there were knives stabbing through her mind. The pounding built to a horrible crescendo and Calandra bit her lip so hard it drew blood. She clenched her fists together and focused once again on her breathing.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe ou-

Her hands went limp and she sagged against the bed.

The pounding had stopped. The ache was gone. Calandra gasped for breath and sat up in bed. She swallowed and held shaking fingers to her head. There was no pain at all. Not even the dullest ache. Nothing. She let out a shaky breath and lay back against the pillow.

Calandra felt oddly alone. The pain had accompanied her for so long. It felt like an extension of her, and now that it was gone Calandra felt as if a part of herself was missing. She closed her eyes and mulled on the simultaneous feelings of relief and loneliness.


	64. Chapter 64

October 2, 1998

Calandra folded the duvet and placed it on the end of the bed. Her head hadn't hurt since that night. She sat on the edge of the mattress and pulled the memories forward. They came easily now; she could sift through them at will with no resistance at all.

She knew them by heart, the memories. She knew every single detail about each and every one of them. They'd been her haven for the past two years. When the grey walls overwhelmed her, she'd get lost in those memories.

A sound came from the door and Calandra opened her eyes. The knob turned and the healer came into the room. Calandra waited for her to fill the vials of potion and leave them on the bedside table, but the old witch didn't. The healer cast her eyes nervously around the room and waved her wand over Calandra, performing her diagnostic spells.

The healer nodded and bustled back out of the room, quickly. Calandra's forehead wrinkled in confusion. That was odd. The healer always left the potions. She chewed on her lip as possibilities whirled through her mind.

Perhaps they were releasing her. Perhaps her father had had a change of heart. Calandra snorted and shook her head. That was unlikely. Perhaps the healer knew her magic was getting stronger. Even with the suppressants Calandra could make the stone walls change color or turn on the taps to the bathtub if she said the spells loud enough.

She'd been practicing for over two years with her magic. She couldn't do any great damage or open the door, but it was there. She could feel the hum of it in her veins. Perhaps the healer knew that, and they were figuring out a larger dose of the purple potion. Calandra felt her throat close at the thought. She'd just gotten her magic back and they were going to take it away from her again.

Calandra ground her teeth and shook her head.

Not again. They wouldn't do that to her again. She'd figure out a way.

* * *

October 10, 1998

The healer glanced around the room nervously as she cast her diagnostic spells. Calandra watched the old woman's eye twitch and wondered what was going through her mind. She swallowed the potions the healer gave her and looked about the room, following the old woman's gaze as it darted back and forth across the walls.

The healer didn't say a word. She just waved her wand over Calandra and chewed on her lip. Then she turned on her heel and walked out the door. Calandra stared at the door long after the old woman was gone. What was going on?

She chewed her thumb and puzzled over the healer's anxiousness. Calandra had seen her restless and full of agitation many times over the years, especially the past couple. There were days when the healer wouldn't bring the potions in until after dinner, looking rushed and harried. But she always seemed preoccupied with something else. Now it seemed like whatever it was that she was worried about dealt directly with Calandra.

Calandra propped her elbow on the bedside table and twirled a strand of hair around her finger, mulling over the healer's actions.

* * *

October 19, 1998

Calandra leaned against the edge of the bed, her arms crossed over her chest and her foot tapping a familiar rhythm against the stone floor. The healer hadn't been in for the past three days. Calandra hummed to herself and smiled at the thrill that rushed through her. In the absence of the purple potion, her magic was getting stronger every day. If they were going to try to do something to her, they should've kept giving her the potions.

She could levitate the table now. She couldn't make the bed do more than shake and rattle, but it was a start. There were wards up to keep her in the room, but she'd always known there would be. She could apparate to the bathroom and back if she focused hard enough, though.

Calandra stood there; eyes focused on the door. It wouldn't unlock or open for her, no matter how loud she said the spells. But it would have to open at some point. The healer would have to come back in eventually. When she did, Calandra would be ready for her.

* * *

October 21, 1998

The doorknob creaked and Calandra's head jerked up from where she'd been tracing her feet along the floor. The door swung open and the healer shuffled into the room, carrying a roll of parchments and levitating a few different vials. She set all her things down on the bedside table and turned to Calandra.

"Here are your potions." She said, waving a wand over the vials and filling them with liquid.

"What's all that?" Calandra gestured toward the parchment.

The healer glanced at the papers on the table and Calandra noticed the old woman's throat bob. The healer held the potions out to Calandra and shrugged her shoulders.

"Just some paperwork I'm having to process. Here," she pushed the potions closer to Calandra. "Drink up."

"Paperwork about what?" Calandra asked, narrowing her eyes on the old woman.

The healer glanced toward the door and sighed. She pushed the potions into Calandra's hands and turned back toward the bedside table. Calandra stared down into the inky purple liquid in the larger vial. Her hand shook and she had to steady her breathing.

"You know, it's easier on everyone if you take them yourself, Ms. White." The healer said. "I haven't had to stun you in quite some time to get you to take your potions."

"Maybe I'm through with making it easy on you." Calandra bit out, meeting the woman's gaze.

"Ms. White." The healer sighed. "We really don't need to do this."

The old woman swallowed and glanced at the potions in Calandra's hands. Calandra studied the healer. What was she waiting for? She'd never hesitated in stunning her before. Calandra tossed the potions on the bed.

"I'm not taking them." She said flatly.

The healer's eyes grew round.

"You know you have to." She said, pursing her lips. "If you don't take them yourself, we'll just have to stun you and give them to you that way."

Calandra's eyes caught the movement of the healer's hands, clenched tightly around the parchment. She lifted her chin and flexed her hands at her sides.

"Stun me, then." She said.

The healer's nostrils flared. Calandra stood ramrod straight and stared the old woman down.

"If you leave me no choice…" the healer sighed. "I'll have to. Last chance, Ms. White. Take your potions."

The healer waved her wand over the vials on Calandra's bed. They shot up into the air and floated by Calandra's shoulder. Calandra stepped around them and stood face to face with the old woman.

"Go on." She snarled. "Stun me."

A muscle in the old woman's jaw twitched and Calandra saw fire behind the healer's eyes.

"Scared to face me, now that I have magic?" Calandra sneered. "Scared of the big bad Siren."

The healer's eyes immediately went cold and flinty. Calandra quirked an eyebrow and waited to see what the woman would do. The healer drew herself up primly and straightened her robes. She spread the parchment out on the table and conjured a quill.

"If you take your potions I'm willing to negotiate the terms of your stay here." The healer lifted a brow. "That all depends on your cooperation."

Calandra felt the breath leave her lungs. She glanced down at the parchment on the table and back up to the healer.

"You'd…let me go?" she asked numbly. "He'll let me go?"

"That is not what I said." The healer said. "I said, I would negotiate. Compromise. If you take your potions, you can be allowed a visitor. I'll also allow you the use of an owl once a month."

Calandra forced herself to breathe. She could see Alice. They'd let her see Alice. She could send letters to Sirius. Surely the owl could find him, wherever he was. She could make sure he was safe. They could petition the Wizengamot to hold a trial for him.

Calandra took a step back and swallowed. She reached for the potions, still floating beside her, then caught the look of relief on the healer's face. Calandra paused. She turned back toward the healer and narrowed her eyes.

"Why are you willing to negotiate the terms of my stay now?" she asked.

"Would you rather things stay the way they were before?" the healer sidestepped the question.

"No. That's not what I asked." Calandra swallowed. "What changed? Why now?"

The healer glanced at the parchment spread out on the bedside table. The bottom of the roll was flat on the table, large blank spaces ready to be filled in with terms and conditions of her treatment and a place for a signature. But the top of the parchment was still tightly rolled up. Calandra saw the healer bite the inside of her cheek.

"This is the documentation necessary for such changes to occur, correct?" she asked.

The healer sighed and nodded.

"And in order for it to be official my next of kin has to sign it. My father."

The healer glanced at the document.

"They require the signature of the responsible party, yes." She finally said.

"Can I read it?" Calandra asked bluntly.

The old woman looked up at the ceiling.

"Yes."

Calandra snatched the parchment up and unfurled it, looking for snares and traps that would make her life even more suffocating than it already was. It had to be a trick. Her father would never grant her any freedom. She'd be trading the use of an owl for some potion that made her forget who she was or something of the like.

She quickly read over the page, eyes stumbling over words that shouldn't have been there. Her brow furrowed and she felt something drop in her stomach. Calandra drew a ragged breath and read back over the paragraphs.

It was admission forms regarding her stay. Admission forms with the day's date.

She read over payment options and dietary restriction options and her eye caught on a clause tucked away in the jumble of medical jargon and legal phrases.

Obligation of Responsible Party.

It was a clause outlining what her father was responsible for with her under his care. But his name was not listed under the heading.

Calandra looked up to find the healer watching her with a cool expression. She swallowed and held the paper tightly in her hand.

"Why isn't there anyone listed as my next of kin?" she asked.

The healer raised her eyebrows and motioned toward the parchment rolled up alongside the one she held. Calandra unfurled it to find a certificate of death. Blood rushed to Calandra's ears as she read the name on the page.

Johnathon Nicholas White

Deceased: October 15, 1998

He was dead. He was gone. Calandra swallowed and tried to keep herself from smiling. Her father was gone. He couldn't keep her in a box anymore. She felt tears behind her eyes and read the rest of the parchment. He was gone. He couldn't keep her there anymore. She could leave.

"Well," Calandra said, straightening up. "I don't think this will be necessary."

She tossed the parchment back on the bedside table.

"Being as I have no next of kin to oversee my treatment, the chore falls to me." She took a deep breath. "And I won't be needing admission forms."

"You're not in charge of your own care." The healer said, raising a wrinkled brow at Calandra.

"What?" Calandra laughed. "Of course I am. I have no other relatives."

"Well, you would be," the healer smirked. "If not for your…unstable…disposition."

Calandra clenched her teeth together and snatched the paperwork back up. She read down the forms and jabbed a finger at the parchment.

"It says so right here." Calandra said. "The responsibility of the patient shall fall to the patient in the case of next of kin responsible party's passing, given that the patient has no other living relatives to oversee care."

She hit the parchment with the back of her hand.

"I'm in charge of my own treatment, now."

"Only if a healer signs off on your mental health." The old woman quipped. "Did you forget about that?"

Calandra saw red. She crumpled the parchment and threw it at the floor, stomping over to stand toe to toe with the healer. Calandra stuck her nose inches from the old woman's face.

"You are not keeping me in here." She seethed. "Whatever Dumbledore is bribing you with, I'll match it. Top it. I've just inherited an obscene amount of gold and you can name your pric-"

She was cut off by the healer's laugh; cold and cruel.

"You think Dumbledore is the reason you're still here?" she asked. "He died years ago. No one's bribing me with anything."

Calandra felt rage simmer beneath her skin. The old man had died. And she was still stuck here. She leaned in close to the healer and clenched her fists, cracking her knuckles under her thumbs.

"Sign the forms." She said through clenched teeth.

The healer laughed and Calandra felt her whole body tremble in fury. She reached out and grabbed the healer's wand and snapped it in two. The healer's eyes grew wide and she made a move to rush around Calandra but Calandra's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"STOP!"

Calandra swallowed and brought her eyes back to the healer's.

"You've kept me here. Locked away. For years. I haven't seen the sun in almost two decades. You took away everything that I..."

She shook her head and took a deep breath to steady herself.

"And now you're going to sign the paper saying that I am capable of my own care."

The healer lifted her chin defiantly, but Calandra paid it no mind.

"Because, if you don't." she clenched her fists. "I'll kill you right here in this room."

The healer's eyes grew round and frightened. Calandra forced herself to breathe.

"I have magic." She said. "You know I do. And I'll use every last drop of it to get out of this place. So you can either sign those papers and let me walk out of here myself, with you alive. Or I can walk out of here in Auror binds, with you cold on the floor."

The old witch swallowed.

"Either way." Calandra said. "I'm getting out of here."

Calandra flung her hands out wide and the furniture in the room flew to the walls, splintering into hundreds of small pieces. The sink and the toilet and the bathtub swirled into the room and crashed against the grey stone, sending porcelain shrapnel hissing through the air. The healer flinched and trembled in front of Calandra. Calandra summoned the parchment and quill to her without ever taking her eyes off the healer. She smoothed out the page and held it out.

"Sign it." She said.

The healer reached out a shaking hand and scribbled her name on the parchment. It flashed gold before returning to black. Calandra turned around and strode to the door. She pulled it open and stuck her right foot forward. She smiled as her foot passed the threshold.

Calandra turned back toward the healer and motioned her to come closer. The old woman shuffled forward and glanced at Calandra.

"It would be in your best interest to leave." She whispered. "Because the next time I see you, I can't guarantee that there won't be any accidental outbursts of magic."

The healer drew in a shaky breath.

"You know, unhinged Siren that I am." Calandra smiled and walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had originally planned to have her father die earlier and make the healer keep her there until the old woman died. But I really wanted Cal to be able to have some sort of say in her own release. I wanted to give a little power back to her. She can be pretty scary when she wants to. :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy the story!


	65. Chapter 65

October 21, 1998

Calandra stepped out onto the street. Fresh air filled her lungs and different sights and smells assaulted her senses. All the different colors caused her to go dizzy. People bustled in front of her and her head swam with all the noise they made. She closed her eyes and focused her thoughts.

Her first thought was of him. Grey eyes and a mischievous smile flashed through her mind.

She needed to go find him. She had no idea where he was. Had no idea if the ministry was still tailing him, but she needed to find him. She thought for a moment then turned and walked down the alley by the hospital. She'd not tried apparition of more than ten feet in years, and she'd just now gotten the hang of that. She hummed and felt the buzz of her magic. She couldn't floo in, so it was this or walk. She'd take her chances.

Calandra walked to the corner and focused on the flat. She turned on her heel and the world spun. She stumbled a bit and looked down at herself. She no longer had her socks, and her hair was a few inches shorter than it had been, but everything else seemed to be in working order. She straightened herself and walked down the familiar road. She looked up at the window where she loved to sit and read. He probably wouldn't be there. She had no idea if all of their things were still there or not, but it didn't matter.

She climbed the stairs and walked up to the door. The paint was faded, and the door knocker was barely hanging on. She could tell there were charms on it, though she didn't know what kind. Perhaps Alice had found the flat. As soon as she found him and made sure he was safe, she'd go find Alice. She turned the knob, but it was locked.

"Alohamora." she whispered and heard a click.

She slowly turned the knob and the door swung open.

It all came flooding back.

Her eyes locked on small details as she took in the room. His old leather jacket flung over a kitchen chair; he'd always take it off as soon as he got in and come wrap his arms around her. Her slippers under the sofa where she'd toe them off and nudge her feet under his legs to get warm. Their books everywhere. Muggle mechanic books stacked with magical painting books, novels sitting next to spell books. That awful stuffed moose he'd won at the fair she'd taken him to when he wanted to know what a ferris wheel was. The constellation tapestry they'd smuggled out of his parent's house the night he snuck her in.

There was a thick layer of dust on everything, but there were footprints leading through it. They weren't fresh. They were covered over in more dust, as if someone had come through years ago and never returned. She followed the footprints to the bedroom. They stopped at the dresser. The top drawer had been left open. She peered inside and found herself looking at odds and ends of their life together. A spare quill, a pocket watch, the broken pieces of her mother's wand. She looked for the mirror she knew he kept there but didn't see it. The small mahogany box that he kept there was gone, too.

She pulled the drawer out a bit further and saw a remembrall, a sneakoscope, and the necklace he'd given her on her seventeenth birthday. She'd found out later he'd nicked it from his Father's vault; a Black family heirloom. They laughed about how angry it would make his mother when she found out. He'd given her a different one when they moved into the flat together and told her it was to replace the first one; something from him and him alone. It wasn't there.

She looked through the rest of the drawers and the nightstands but couldn't find the necklace. It was gone. Did he come back? Was he the one that took it? Nothing else had been disturbed, nothing else taken. Maybe he'd come looking for her. Her heart clenched.

She knew he wasn't here, but she still checked. She went from room to room opening every door as if it was a game of hide and seek and he was just waiting to jump out and scare her. But he wasn't there.

The rooms started to suffocate her. She had to get out. She wrenched open the door and walked back out into the sunlight. Calandra breathed deeply and pressed herself firmly against the brick wall of the building gathering her thoughts.

She'd come back and breathe in all the memories, but first she needed to find him. She left and headed to the decoy flat, but when she looked in the window, she saw a young couple there. It had been rented out or sold. She retraced the steps she'd taken the last night she went looking for him. His Uncle Alphard's property was still vacant. Peter's cottage was torn down, the cabin where the werewolves used to stay dilapidated.

She found herself wandering through the park close by the flat, unable to properly see anything, lost in thought. She sat on a bench and watched two children swing while their mothers pushed them. She caught tidbits of their conversation as she tried to put herself in his shoes.

"Like I tell my Mark, there's nothing like going home after a long day."

Where would he have gone?

"Too true."

Maybe he was still on the run.

"I tell you, Margaret, I used to hate it when I was a girl, but there's just something about that old place.

Perhaps she should try to reach out to Remus or Alice. She desperately wanted to see Alice. Maybe if she told them everything, they'd listen to her and-

Home.

The Potter's old place was sold long ago.

Home.

Did that mean? Would he have gone back there? He hated it, but there was a chance. Regulus was dead, so the house would go to him when his parents kicked the bucket. Maybe he went back there. Calandra stood up and held her shaking hands close to her chest. She had check. She walked back to the apparition point and stood there thinking. She knew how to get through the wards to his room, but they'd probably changed. She could always just go up and knock on the door, but what if his old bat of a mother was still around. She didn't need her sticking her nose in Sirius's business if he wanted by the ministry. No, she'd get in, check for him then get out.

Should she just take her chances with apparition? She chewed on her thumb then startled. Of course, the old vault. Orion didn't trust the Goblins as far as he could throw them. He had a few family vaults that connected to the townhouse. One led up to his study. It's how Sirius had snuck her in. Orion was dead, so his wards wouldn't be set, and she doubted that Walburga cared enough to set new ones. She was perfectly content with keeping her gold in Gringotts.

Calandra grinned. She had a way in.

She apparated out to Grimmauld place and walked down the alley behind it. She ducked under the fence and headed toward the maintenance entrance. The door was unlocked, so she went on in. Calandra walked to the back of the room and tried the door there; also unlocked. She slipped inside and walked down the narrow corridor, between pipes and cables, until she came to a small round porthole type object in the wall.

Calandra pressed her hand against it.

"Ouvert." She murmured.

The small opening widened and turned into an archway. Calandra ducked through it and walked through the dusty space to the door at the far wall. Black vines and branches covered the entire wall, but Calandra knew there was a door there.

She waved her hand and the branches pulled back, revealing a door with lots of tiny crystals imbedded in the stone surface. She smiled and tapped her finger to the crystals in a familiar pattern.

Orion.

One by one the crystals lit up, and when she tapped the last one the whole door glowed faintly. She heard a rumble and it slid to one side revealing a good-sized room filled with dusty objects. She didn't look around. There would be ancient Black Family artefacts, rolls of parchments, old paintings, stacks of books, and probably a good amount of gold.

She turned to her right and saw what she was looking for. The small crystal orb sat on a shelf among candles and teacups. She walked over to it and gazed inside. She focused her mind on the door she knew was in the room. The crystal ball started clouding, white smoke twisting and turning inside the orb, slowly taking the shape of the door. When the last tendrils of white settled in to form the bottom of the door, she heard a faint pop and smiled. When she turned back around to face the wall at the back of the room, the door had appeared.

"Just like old times," she said to herself as she opened the door and climbed the stairs behind it. She picked her way through the cobwebs and made her way up to a small opening in an otherwise smooth expanse of wall.

"Pouvior."

She muttered the words, confident that the password hadn't changed. Sure enough, a second later another constellation glowed on the square and she pushed it open.

She crawled out of the opening and found herself in an unfamiliar room. Maybe Sirius _had_ come back. Where his father's desk had been now sat a small bed. The bookshelves had all been removed. The cabinet that used to stand there had been replaced with a small table. The dark curtains were gone, and in their place hung light yellow panels. The only thing that remained the same was the large painting of stars in the night sky that opened up to the passageway she'd just traveled through.

She stood in the room for a moment, taking it all in before she remembered why she was here. She roused herself and walked to the door leading to the hallway. She found herself in more familiar territory here. The wallpaper was the same gray and green as it always was. Same carpeting, too. She walked to the stairs and had just started to descend when she heard someone at the front door.

This was it. She'd finally get to see him.

She stopped a few steps from the front hall, waiting. The doorknob turned and she felt her heart clench. She held her breath and clasped her hands as the door swung open.

She caught a glimpse of familiar black hair, sticking up in every direction. The young man closed the door and shucked off his gloves, throwing them on the bench beside the front door. His glasses were a bit foggy and had slid down his nose.

"Jam-" she whispered, staring at him in confusion.

His head jerked up and he stiffened. His eyes met hers over those foggy glasses and she knew this wasn't James. Those weren't James's eyes.

Harry.

Of course, Sirius would've let Harry stay here. He'd probably given the house to him. He hated this old place and he'd fly to the moon for the boy. Harry looked at her with caution. She saw him grip his wand in his hand.

She cleared her throat and slowly held her hands up in front of her.

"I'm terribly sorry to intrude on you. I'm looking for someone who used to live here. I thought he might be here."

He didn't say anything, and she continued.

"I'm not going to harm you. I've not taken anything either, I promise. You can search me if you'd like."

He took a step toward her and looked at her curiously.

"How did you get in here?" he asked.

"There's a vault, with a passage that leads into the house. You can get to it through the constellation painting in the study." She answered, hands still in the air.

"I always wondered why I could never get that thing off the wall." He said with a half-smile.

She returned his smile and introduced herself.

"My name is Calandra White. It's wonderful to see you, Harry, although I'm sorry it had to be with me breaking into your home."

He cocked his head to the side.

"How do you know who I am?" he asked.

Calandra smiled sadly at him; this young man who didn't know her. Images of a little boy with bright eyes and a wide grin flashed in her mind.

"I was friends with your parents."

"Oh, right." he said, then looked at her kind of sheepishly. "You, err, you can put your hands down. I'm not going to hex you."

She laughed and lowered her hands. She stepped down the last few stairs and had to clasp her hands together to keep from embracing him.

"Harry, I really do want to sit and have a proper conversation with you, but I've been waiting years to see him, and I need to find him." her voice shook with emotion. "Can you please tell me where Sirius Black is?"

Harry looked absolutely thrown.

"What?" he asked.

"Please." she intoned. "He used to live here. I'm not looking to hurt him or to turn him in to the ministry or anything. I just want to see him."

He looked at her warily. Maybe he didn't know.

"Harry!" she said suddenly, gripping his arms. "Sirius did not betray your parents. He would've never done that to James. James was his brother. He-"

Harry gently cut her off.

"No, I know. I know he didn't do it."

His eyes danced across her face.

"Please." she pleaded, stepping back. "I promise, I mean him no harm. I'll make an unbreakable vow. I just want to see him."

Harry's gaze softened and he scratched his arm. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

Finally, his eyes met hers and he said, "I'm so sorry. But, Sirius. He's dead."

Her smile trembled. Her heart shattered into a million pieces. She shook her head. No. No. He couldn't be dead. Tears smarted her eyes and her hands shook. She'd made him promise not to die in there.

"You're wrong." she said.

She smiled through her tears and rushed on, "You're wrong. He escaped. He escaped. I know! I heard them say it myself."

She reached out to him again. "He got out. It's been five years now, but he got out of Azkaban!"

Her voice was hysterical, but she had to make him understand. Had to make him realize. Sirius wasn't dead. She had to find him.

Harry nodded his head slightly and held her arm gently.

"I know he escaped. He found me."

"Of course he did." she squeezed his arms. "He loved you. I knew he'd get out."

She looked into Harry's eyes and saw an overwhelming amount of sadness there.

"Please," she begged. "Please just tell me where he is. I don't care if he's married. It doesn't matter. I don't even have to speak to him. Please. Please just tell me where he is. Just show him to me. If I can just see him. Just see that he's happy, it'll be enough."

Her eyes pleaded with him. Her hands gripped his arms. She'd give anything if he'd just tell her how to find him.

"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm so sorry. He's gone."

She let go of his arms and stepped back.

"No." she said, her throat restricting.

"No. You're lying." She shook her head and felt tears on her cheeks.

He just softly shook his head.

"You're lying." She repeated.

She was so close to the edge.

"You're lying."

She saw him swallow and she fell down on the stairs behind her, holding onto herself to keep from falling apart.

"Please be lying," she sobbed. "Please. Please be lying. I'll do anything. I have gold. You can have it all. You can have everything. Please. Please. Please be lying."

He stepped towards her and laid hand on her arm.

"I wish I was," he said, his voice thick. "I wish I was."

Her whole world crumbled. She buried her face in her arms and bawled into them. She never wanted to get up from these stairs. She wanted to die right there. She heard the stairs creak and felt someone sit beside her. A hand patted her on the back.

He was gone. This was worth than death. This was a torture greater than the Cruciatus Curse. This was her worst nightmare. She'd never see him again. Never feel his hands run along her legs as they sat reading together. Never slip her fingers through his hair. Never feel his arms around her. Never feel his lips on hers. Never again.

She raised her head and saw Harry beside her, tears in his eyes.

"He loved you." she said. "So much. He was wrapped around your tiny little fingers."

Harry smiled.

"You'd sit on his shoulders and tangle your hands in his hair, and he'd laugh like it was the best thing in the world."

Harry swallowed and shifted on the step.

"Would you like a glass of water, or a cup of tea?"

"No, thanks." she said straightening up.

She'd been here too long. She needed to leave.

"I'll be on my way. I'm very sorry to have bothered you. It was great seeing you."

She stood and brushed away the tears in her eyes.

He stood with her and gave her an appraising look.

"We could have that chat now." He said conversationally.

"What?" she asked numbly.

"You said you'd love to have a proper chat with me." He nodded towards the kitchen. "We could talk over a cup of tea."

"I really don't want to bother you anymore." she said. "I've caused enough grief as it is."

He seemed a bit abashed when he looked back at her.

"You said you were friends with my parents. And you obviously cared for Sirius a great deal. I'd love to get to know you and to hear about them."

She smiled at him. Of course he wanted to know everything about them. His time with them all had been too short. Well, she could give him this. She stepped toward the kitchen and looked back at him.

"What do you want to know?"

"Everything." The word seemed to slip out of him before he could help it.

She laughed. "Let's get that tea then."

* * *

October 21, 1998

They sat at the table for hours. Tea service in front of them grown cold. Calandra explained to him how she met his parents. The first time she ever saw Sirius. Told him story after story of her interactions with them at school. Made him laugh with the antics they used to get up to. He had an easy laugh, much like his father, but reminded her overwhelmingly of Lily with the way he sat and listened to her.

She was telling him of the bet she made with Lily, when she kissed the giant squid. He laughed when she got to the part where the squid threw his mother back onto the bank by the lake.

"How did you win the bet?" he asked. "If the squid wouldn't let you all catch him."

"I learned a bit of Mermish sixth year, so I called down to the merfolk and asked them to tell the squid I just wanted to bestow a kiss on such a beautiful creature." She leaned her elbows on the table. "It rolled it's eye at us but gave me a tentacle."

He chuckled and pulled the tea tray in front of him. His eyes wistful and distant.

Without words to distract her the pain sliced through her again, cutting deep. She craved some sort of concrete connection to Sirius apart from this house and the ghosts of memories in the flat. She wanted to go to Azkaban and sit in his cell. Wanted to follow the same path he took when he escaped. Wanted to go to his grave; wanted any scrap of connection she could get to Sirius.

"Harry," she began tentatively. "Could you…that is…would you show me where he's buried?"

He winced

"I can't." he said. "There wasn't…He…We couldn't…couldn't bury him. There wasn't a body."

She swallowed and nodded sadly.

"Could you show me where he died?" she asked quietly.

He shot her an apprehensive look.

"I…I don't know." He said. "It happened in the ministry. In the department of mysteries. No one's really allowed down there. I can talk to Kingsley, see if maybe he'll let you…."

He trailed off and she gave him a half smile. She'd never get to see it. She should go. Go home to the flat one last time and soak it all in. Go see Alice one last time. She didn't know how she'd survive this.

Harry cleared his throat and spoke.

"Thank you. For telling me about them."

Her heart ached for him. She wished she could give him time with his parents, with Sirius, with all the people he'd lost.

"You're more than welcome, dear boy." She said, then a thought came to her. "I'll do you one better, too."

He cocked his head to the side, his brows furrowed in question.

"I'll give you my memories." She said.

His eyes grew round and he stammered. "No, you don't have to-"

She laid her hand over his.

"I've lived with nothing but these memories for the past seventeen years. I don't need them anymore."

She looked down at their hands then back up at her, eyes a bit wet.

"You'd do that for someone you just met?"

"For you, yes. But I met you a long, long time ago." She squeezed his hand. "I helped pick out your first broom."

He just sat there speechless, his eyes on their hands again. He grasped hers with his other hand and looked up at her eyes determined.

"I'll take you there," he said with resolve. "I'll take you to where he died. I'll convince Kingsley and figure out the red tape. Call in a few favors."

She shook her head.

"I didn't offer the memories for you to give me something in return. I offered them because you deserve to have every connection to the people you love."

"I know." he said. "Give me a couple days. I'll owl Kingsley tonight to get everything started." He patted her hand and stood up, taking the teapot and the tray over to the sink.

She couldn't find the words to thank him. Couldn't tell him what it meant to her. She'd have one more connection to Sirius. One more before she faded into oblivion like she knew she would.

She just watched him as he busied himself with the cups at the sink. He reached up to scratch his head, his hair sticking up in all directions. His glasses slid down his nose as he poured the tea down the drain and she was taken back to a different place and time.

_A young man stood at the sink holding a bottle. His glasses had fallen down towards the end of his nose and he ran a hand through his messy hair. She was standing with her back to the counter and had her arms crossed over her chest, smirking at him fondly._

" _You don't think this is too hot, do you?" he held out the bottle, his skinny wrist protruding from the sleeve of his sweater._

_She leaned forward and pressed a hand against the bottle before taking it and saying, "James, you know you can check it against your wrist, right?"_

_She tilted the bottle and spilled a few drops on the inside of her wrist. Just warm; not too hot._

" _Yeah, but I'm still always worried that it'll hurt him." He said anxiously._

" _Just use a spell to maintain whatever temperature you want," she said handing the bottle back. "It's fine."_

" _I did use a spell." He shot back at her. "I just always double check."_

" _You mean quadruple check." she raised an eyebrow._

_He shot her a glance then laughed at himself._

" _Yeah, maybe."_

_She laid a hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze._

" _You're doing great James."_

_He gave her a lopsided grin._

When she blinked James was gone. In front of her stood Harry, drying his hands on a tea towel.

* * *

October 21, 1998

Harry invited Calandra to stay at Grimmauld Place that night. With the sidelong glances he gave her, she suspected he wanted her around as a link to his parents and to Sirius. She couldn't blame him. Half the time she looked at him she saw James.

She'd readily accepted. Being alone in the flat was too much right now. She could go back during the day and walk through the rooms of her old life, but nighttime was different. She didn't think she could bear sleeping in that bed alone.

"I don't know which room you'd like." Harry said leading her up the stairs.

Calandra smiled. She had a feeling that the room she wanted was probably being occupied by Harry himself.

"Doesn't matter to me." she said following him up the hall and stopping outside the only room she was really familiar with.

"Well, I've moved most of the old stuff out of a couple of them." he said pointing to the door directly across from Sirius's old room and another up the hall.

"I've…er….put all my things in here." He pointed to the door to his right.

"Sounds wonderful." she smiled at him. "I'll bunk here for tonight. I can't thank you enough for your kindness."

"Don't mention it." He waved his hands shoved them in his pockets.

"Did you change it very much?" she asked.

"Yeah, I took loads of the furniture out." he said walking over and opening the door to the room she had chosen. "Everything was always so dark-"

"I meant that room." she pointed to Sirius's door.

"Oh." he said stepping back out of the room. "Err, no. Not really. I couldn't really bring myself to."

"You can come in and take a look if you like." he said and turned the knob.

She said nothing as she followed him into the room. She laughed when she took everything in. Pictures of her sixteen-year-old self in bikinis stared down at her, scattered among posters of motorcycles. She almost blushed but knew that to everyone else they'd look like Farrah Fawcet, Twiggy, and others. Alice had talked her into those. She clocked the bare spot where his favorite one had been. There was a ragged edge of white paper where it had ripped along one side. That had been the only one he'd brought with him when he left.

"They're…err…stuck on with permanent sticking charms." Harry said, nodding his head towards the walls.

"Of course they are." she shook her head.

She looked around the room. Red and gold shone back at her. She clocked a small bureau in the corner; a leather jacket laid carefully out on the top of it. The faces of his friends laughed all around her. She noticed that Peter Pettigrew had been removed from every picture. Scorch marks littered the photographs where he should've been. Realization dawned on her.

"It was him wasn't it?" she pointed to where Peter should've been standing in a picture. "He was the secret keeper?"

Harry nodded.

"Rat bastard." she muttered, thinking of Sirius sitting at the kitchen table trying to figure out the best way to keep his best friend safe. "I wish he'd have told me it wasn't him. I could've helped."

Harry just looked at her.

"I always thought that there was something wrong with the spell." She pursed her lips. "I thought Sirius was the secret keeper this whole time."

"You never doubted him?" Harry asked curiously.

"No." she said running a finger along a picture of Sirius and James. "James was his brother."

"Everyone else thought it was him." Harry said quietly. "They all thought he did it."

She gave him a soft smile.

"There's not a force on earth that could have made him betray your father. Trust me, I know."

She walked over and ran a hand across a different picture of James and Sirius, their arms flung around each other and goofy smiles on their faces.

"I offered to be secret keeper. I wasn't really a part of the Order. I never got to officially join." She said. "It might have been safer, with me not being affiliated with them. Or it might not have, without their protection, I don't know. But he refused. Wouldn't even tell James."

She stared at the boys in the picture. Sirius more handsome than a gangly fifteen-year-old should be and James shining with laughter.

"It was you wasn't it?" Harry asked.

She just looked at him, not knowing where he was going with his question.

"You were the reason. Why he joined the Order." Harry looked at her, then stared around the room she was soaking in.

"I couldn't imagine I was." she said with a laugh. "Sirius always had a bit of a penchant for danger. Loved the thrill of it. He didn't join the Order for me."

She smiled back at Harry and cocked her head towards the bureau with the leather jacket on it.

"Have you looked through it?"

He followed her eyes and nodded.

"Yeah, it was mostly clothes."

She grinned. "There's a secret drawer."

She crossed over to the bureau and ran her hand along the knobs. The face of a lion had been carved in each one.

"It's an undetectable extension charm hidden behind a few layers of enchantments." She chuckled to herself. "Sirius and James really were remarkable wizards. It's too bad they spent so much time in detention."

Harry smiled a lopsided grin and watched her trace her finger between the first and second shelves. She murmured the revealing spell and gave the password.

"Ringo." She said softly.

Before their eyes a second drawer squeezed directly below the top one. Harry's eyes widened and he stepped over to her. She twisted the small knob on the drawer until the lion was upside down and heard a click. She pulled open the drawer and was overwhelmed as the scent of cigarettes and caramel wafted up to her.

Harry peered down into the drawer. He lifted out a few scraps of paper.

"Concert tickets." he said, reading the faint type on them. "To a muggle band."

"Our first date." she smiled at the memory.

He looked back in the drawer. Stacks of envelopes sat bundled in twine, all with the same handwriting on them. He saw a golden wrapper to some sweet carefully smoothed out and laid on top of the letters. A small mahogany box sat inside; its lid propped beside it. Harry glanced up at her before reaching in and picking something out. He held up lock of violently purple hair.

"What's this from?" he asked.

She laughed. "From Sirius. I replaced his shampoo with a hair potion that turned his hair purple seventh year. He sulked for two days, but he got me back."

She reached into the drawer and searched around, if he kept his he probably had hers, too. She pulled out another lock of hair and handed it to him.

"He turned mine green."

Harry laughed at the bright glaring lock of hair. He carefully folded them up and laid them back in the drawer. He pushed a few more scraps of paper out of the way and picked up two pictures. One was a muggle photograph of two people smiling toward the camera. Sirius as handsome as he'd ever been. His dark hair falling down past his ears and his gray eyes flashing. His cheek was pressed against a young woman's head. She was beautiful; smiling and glowing and happy. Her hair cascaded in waves down her shoulders.

The other was a magical photograph. The same couple were sitting in what looked to be the Gryffindor common room. They were laughing together with their heads close to one another. The young man reached out a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind the girl's ear and she put her hand up to his and looked up into his eyes. They were oblivious to the fact they'd been photographed.

Harry stared at the photographs before clearing his throat and handing them to Calandra.

She just stared at the pictures. She thought he'd gotten rid of them after he left. Getting rid of evidence. Trying to cut her out of his life to keep her safe. Where had he hidden them all that time?

She looked up when she heard Harry give an embarrassed cough. His eyes quickly moved from the corner of the drawer to the ceiling. She peered into the drawer towards the spot his eyes had been and snorted.

Red lace lay folded up. She went back in time to the night she wore them.

" _I'm keeping these." Sirius said resolutely, grabbing her underthings and tossing them in the drawer._

" _Excuse me!" she said, laughing and wrapping a dressing gown around herself. "Those are mine and you've no right to them."_

" _Not anymore, love." he said._

_He wrapped his arms around her and looked down at her._

" _Besides, I think I earned them." He winked at her and she threw her head back in a laugh._

Oh Sirius.

She reached in and moved her bra and underwear to the side and lifted out the blue jeans beneath them.

"I left a change of clothes here." she said, trying to relieve some of the boy's embarrassment. "In case I ever got to come back. I never did. He left home about a week after."

"He went to your dad's house." She said looking up at Harry.

His head bobbed up and down.

"Yeah, I know. He told me."

"I'd have given James all the gold in my father's vault for getting him out of that house, if he would've taken it." She admitted.

"Not that he needed it." she'd added.

"He hated it here." Harry agreed. "But he ran away, my dad didn't get him out?"

"Oh, Sirius left on his own alright. But James had been offering for years for Sirius to live with him. Offered to pack up for him and everything so he wouldn't have to come back. He always gave him the option."

"Why'd he stay so long?" Harry wondered aloud.

"He'd never say. Didn't even tell James as far as I know. But if I had to wager a bet, I'd put my money on Regulus." She folded the jeans and put them back in the drawer, suddenly exhausted.

"I think I'll head to bed, now." She said and gave Harry a smile.

"I can sleep in one of the other rooms." he said softly. "If you want to stay in here and look through the rest of it."

He nodded at the bureau.

She looked around the familiar room and shook her head. He should stay here, his time with Sirius had been far shorter than hers.

"That's ok." she said. "There's too many memories here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a long one, but I didn't like the flow of it when I split it up so I hope you bear with me just this once!
> 
> Harry Potter makes his first appearance since he was a toddler! Harry has shown time and again throughout the books, that he's extremely compassionate to people he doesn't even know very well. That, along with his overwhelming desire to have a connection to his parents drove his character in this chapter. I've tried to keep all the people in character, the way they're described in canon, and I don't feel like I strayed from that in this chapter. I could see him doing all those things.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! I hope you're enjoying the story!


	66. Chapter 66

October 22, 1998

Calandra woke early the next morning and met Harry in the kitchen. She gave him the address of the flat and told him she'd be there if he needed to find her. He gave her a hug and promised he'd talk to the Minister for Magic first thing.

She went back to the flat and cleared out all the dust. She practiced her cleaning charms a bit, but was pretty rusty at them. She resorted to cleaning the muggle way and got lost in the mundane tasks that gave her hands something to do. She stopped frequently, coming across a piece of her old life that triggered a memory and reduced her to tears.

She ran a cloth over a picture of Alice and Frank on their wedding day and her heart gave a tug. Alice. Calandra stopped her cleaning. She'd love to see Alice. She hadn't seen her in so long. Calandra shook her head and smiled. There was nothing stopping her, she'd go do that now.

She grabbed a quill and a piece of parchment and wrote a quick note. She kept it vague, saying that she was a schoolmate from Hogwarts and would like to catch up over dinner. Her father had broadcast her death as publicly as he could. She'd read her own obituary in the prophet. She didn't want Alice to think this was some prank.

She folded the note and grabbed a handful of coins from the bowl on the table, thankful she wouldn't have to go to Gringotts and deal with that headache. Calandra straightened her robes and set out for Hogsmeade. Buying her own owl would be less of a hassle, but what was the point in buying an owl now? She felt that at any moment she'd just wither away.

Calandra walked through the bustle of the little village, keeping herself close to the buildings. The open space was wonderous, but it made her nervous. She strode purposefully down the street, making her way to the Owlry. It was full of witches and wizards bustling about. She walked over to the line in front of the perches where the tiny owls for local deliveries sat, and looked around at all the people. It had been ages since she'd been around so many people.

A young witch was holding on to the hands of two little boys, both clutching papers in their small fists and bouncing with excitement. A wizard with long red hair leaned against the counter and filled out some sort of forms. Two elderly witches chatted as they waited, their bags sat at their feet from shopping they must've done earlier. Calandra saw what was definitely a vampire in the far corner, purchasing wax and a stamp. She stepped forward as the line moved and caught the conversation between the Owlry witch and a young wizard at the front of the line next to her.

"I'm sorry, sir. I'm not sure if it will be safe for the owls to carry it." She gestured down to some sort of plant on the counter in front of them.

"I'll box it up and make sure it's charmed to sleep." the wizard said. "It's not a long journey, just a few hours. I just need to know how much it will cost."

The witch looked down at the plant.

"Well, you'll have to fill out the forms for it in case it wakes back up in flight. It'll be 10 sickles, Mr. Longbottom."

Calandra's head jerked up to the young wizard. Her eyes roved over him, looking for similarities. He was a tall young bloke, with sandy colored hair and a strong jaw line. That was all she could tell from where she stood.

"Thanks," he said gathering up the plant. "I'll fill out the forms now if you have them."

"Miss…Miss…Can I help you?"

She turned her head and looked in front of her. An Owlry wizard was gesturing to her impatiently. She just shook her head and turned back to where the young wizard stood, but he wasn't there.

"Hey Neville!" she heard a voice and whipped around.

Did she hear that right? Was her mind playing tricks on her?

The wizard with the long red hair clapped a hand on the young man's shoulder as he took his papers to the counter and leaned in to speak with him. She couldn't hear what they said from this distance, and started weaving through people to get to the counter. The red-haired wizard laughed and sent his papers over to a slot in the wall with a wave of his wand. He lifted his hand and headed out the door.

Calandra took a step forward. The young wizard with the plant bent over the counter, carefully filling in the sections of the form.

"Excuse me." she said, and he looked up. "Are you Neville Longbottom?"

He smiled a weary smile, as if this wasn't the first time someone had asked him that question, and nodded.

"I am." he held out his hand. "What can I do for you?"

She didn't actually think it would be him. She thought he'd tell her she had the wrong person.

"You're Neville!" she said excitement filling her voice.

He nodded again and stumbled back. She'd thrown herself forward and wrapped her arms around him. He seemed flabbergasted by her display. Calandra stared up into his face, mapping it and finding familiar cheeks and eyes.

"I'm sorry." she said stepping back. "I don't know what came over me. It's been a long time since I've seen you."

He looked at her curiously and something flickered behind his eyes.

"I'm sorry." he said shaking his head. "You seem very familiar, but I'm horrible with names."

"No, you don't have to apologize, you wouldn't remember me. I haven't laid eyes on you since you were a baby. I was friends with your parents. My name is Calandra." She held out a hand.

"Oh, well…" he stammered, taking it.

"Your mother was my best friend." Calandra said, eyes shining. "I'd love to see her again. I was actually just mailing a letter to her, to ask her if she'd like to meet up."

He stared at her his mouth open. He looked like he was having a hard time breathing.

"Neville? Dear boy, are you alright?" she asked, concerned.

"You…you were friends with my mum?" he choked.

Hadn't he seen any pictures? Didn't Alice ever mention her? Ever at all?

"Yes." Calandra said, searching his eyes for the answers to her unspoken questions. "Alice was my best friend, the best friend I've ever had. We were closer than sisters. She let me stay with her for a bit during school and after we left."

He couldn't seem to find words. He was trying to piece something together in his mind as he looked her.

"How did you talk to her?" he asked.

Something in his voice reached out to her.

"What?" she asked brows furrowing together.

"How did the two of you talk to each other?"

His eyes were focused on her and she realized what he was asking.

He must have found it.

"We had journals." She answered. "Both were bound in dark brown leather. We charmed them to glow when the other person wrote in them. After we left school, we used them as a way to make sure the other made it home safely."

His shoulders fell and braced himself against the counter.

"You're Callie?" he asked.

She nodded. His next question took her by surprise.

"Why did you stop writing to her?" he demanded.

"I….I…"

What could she say? She still didn't even know half of what went on the day she left. She didn't even know if anyone other than Harry knew Sirius was innocent. She looked into Neville's eyes and hated the anger and pain she saw.

"I was locked up. Taken to St. Mungo's after an accident." She said quietly, unable to tell him anything but the truth. "I just got out. I didn't have the journal."

"You were in St. Mungo's?" he asked, unbelievingly.

She looked him straight in the eye. "For the past seventeen years. Top floor. Private ward."

He looked like the wind had been taken out of his sails.

"I missed your mother every single day." Calandra said gently. "Believe me, I begged for that journal. I asked the healer every day for years if I could have an owl, if I could talk to someone. I offered the keys to my vault in Gringott's if they'd just give me two minutes with your mum."

A wave of that familiar desolation washed over her. "They never let me."

"I'd appreciate it if I had the chance to apologize to her. Explain everything."

His eyes met hers and he shook his head. She went on.

"If you think she wouldn't want to see me that's ok. But please, will you give her a letter for me. I want her to know how sorry I am. How much I love her."

He shook his head again and cleared his throat. He looked at a point somewhere over her head.

"Mum and dad are both in St. Mungo's…..they…they don't… They're in the Janus Thickey Ward."

Janus Thickey Ward. Permanent spell damage.

Her voice caught in her throat and she tried to swallow her tears. Permanent Spell Damage. She wondered what had happened. She wanted to go see Alice. To hold her hand and smooth down her hair and tell her everything would be alright, but Neville obviously didn't want her going near them.

Had Alice gone looking for her? Is that what caused their injuries? Perhaps Neville blamed her. Calandra certainly would.

She squeezed Neville's arm and forced her voice to remain light.

"Well, I'm sure they won't want me bothering them. Just pass on my love next time you go, if you will."

He was still looking over her head.

"They don't really recognize most people."

He meant him.

They don't recognize him. She wondered how many times her heart could break before she just dissolved into nothing. She stared up at the young man in front of her and saw his mother in so many small things. His mouth, his cheeks, the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes.

"Well," she said slowly. "It would be impossible for me not to recognize Alice, so I'll stop in and see them if you don't think they'd be upset."

He nodded.

"Does your mother still like Drooble's Gum and Jelly Buttons? And I think Frank was pretty partial to the Chocolate Frogs?"

Neville nodded still not meeting her eye.

"Well, it was wonderful seeing you, Neville. If you need anything just send an owl. Anything at all. I'll head on up to Honeydukes, then."

She turned to leave but his voice stopped her.

"You're going now?" he asked.

"I've waited seventeen years to see Alice. I don't think my patience will hold out much longer. I'd love to sit down and have a chat with you. Anytime you'd like, we can grab a drink or have lunch."

She gave him a wave and walked outside.

She turned and started up the lane to Honeydukes; walking slowly, her mind on her friend. She heard hurried footsteps behind her and suddenly someone was walking with her, slightly out of breath.

"I'll go with you." he said.

She offered him a smile and they made their way to Honeydukes.

She asked him questions about school and his interests while she picked out sweets for her friends. He answered her easily, telling her of interesting things that had happened at Hogwarts and talking about strange plants. She paid the clerk, and they headed to the apparition point. He asked her a few tentative questions about his parents at school and she told him a couple stories as they made their way to the old storefront. She paused before going in and Neville waited with his hand on the door.

"Neville." Calandra said, hesitantly. "Before we go in. Did they….did she…."

Calandra took a deep breath and looked up at Neville.

"Did your mum, go looking for me? Is that why she got injured?" Calandra asked.

Neville shook his head.

Calandra nodded and turned back to the door. She stared at it for a moment. She'd just gotten out. Could she go back in? What if they tried to make her stay? What if they tried to lock her back in that box?

She looked at Neville's face; guarded but a bit hopeful, and she decided it didn't matter. She was going to see Alice.

She let Neville guide her up to the fourth floor and onto the right ward. He gave a light knock on the door then opened it. She waited a beat then followed him in, standing a bit behind him. He walked over and pulled a curtain back, revealing two beds.

"Hi mum. Hi dad. It's me Neville." he said, words coming out in light tones. She imagined he'd greeted his parents with those exact same words hundreds of times, perhaps hoping they'd trigger something sooner or later.

"I've brought a friend today. She's excited to see you." Neville said and looked back at her. He motioned her forward and she stepped to the side.

A thin man laid propped up in one of the beds in the room. His hair was mostly gray, though a few streaks of brown showed through here and there. His hands were clasped on top of the blanket that covered his legs and he stared at the wall.

A small woman with very fine white hair sat on the edge of the other bed. She wore a blue nightgown and slippers. Her feet barely brushed the floor. She looked up at them. Her face was thin and peaked. But Calandra was staring at her eyes.

Big amber eyes.

Alice's eyes.

This was Alice.

Calandra slowly stepped forward and sat on the edge of the bed next to the small woman. She reached into her pockets and grabbed two of the candies she'd bought. She put one in each hand, her eyes never leaving Alice's.

She held out two fists and cleared her throat. She forced her voice to be light when she spoke.

"I'll buy you a month's worth if you guess which hand the sweet is in."

The woman stared at her. Calandra swallowed. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe she should've introduced herself first and just given them the candy. She felt the faintest tap on her right hand and looked down. A small, thin finger rested on her closed fist. She turned her hand upwards and opened her fist. A piece of bubble gum rested on her palm.

"You always could get it right." Calandra said, holding her hand up to Alice. "I guess I owe you a few boxes now."

The corner of the woman's lip moved up an infinitesimal amount. It was barely noticeable. She took the sweet and carefully unwrapped it. She popped it in her mouth. Her hands fell to her lap and she fidgeted a bit. Calandra wanted to embrace her but was unsure if it would upset her. She laid a hand on Alice's knee then moved to Frank's bed.

"Long time no see, Frank." she said jovially. "I brought you something."

She tossed a chocolate frog box on his lap near his hands, and he slowly reached for it. He turned it over in his hands and lifted the flap. He drew the card out that came with it and flicked it away before he shook the frog out of the box. She smiled.

"Sorry." Neville whispered. "He always does that."

"Don't be." she said still looking at Frank. "He always has. He could hit a snitch from thirty meters away."

"Oh." Neville looked at his father.

"Oi! Frank!" she said squaring up. "What say we open all these frogs and you and Neville here can have a bit of a go at each other?"

Frank took a bite of his chocolate frog and looked up at the wall. He didn't say anything. He didn't make any move to show he even noticed they were there, but his hand laid out palm up on the bed. Calandra grabbed one of the bags she'd dropped on the floor at the end of the bed. She handed about half the boxes to Neville and laid the rest on Frank's bed, placing one directly on his upturned palm.

"Have at it, boys." she said. "Alice and I will spectate."

Calandra grabbed another bag and settled herself on one edge of Alice's bed. She shook out a few different sweets on the spot between them and sat back. Neville had taken a few of the cards from the boxes, carefully closing the boxes back so the frogs wouldn't jump out. He waited until Frank opened his box and flicked the card away, then he lightly flicked his card towards his father. It landed on the bed. Frank opened another box and flicked the card away. It landed on the floor. Neville flicked another card forward.

She looked down at a rustling sound and saw Alice's finger running through the pile of candies. There didn't seem to be any sort of sense to the pattern she was tracing. Just round and round through the candies. Calandra watched her small hand grab hold of something and bring it to her lap. She'd found another bubble gum.

She looked back over at the two men in the room. They were flicking cards together now. Frank's cards didn't seem to have any specific purpose, they just flew out and fell. But Neville's always fell on Frank's bed.

"I have to say Alice," Calandra said in a low, conversational voice. "I think Neville is going to be taller than Frank."

Alice concentrated on the candy in her hands.

"Reminds me a bit of you though when it comes to Herbology." She went on. "I'll never forget the time we tried to crossbreed Coruscare Clematis with Popping Pods. You nearly singed my eyebrows off."

Calandra chuckled at the memory.

"Anyhow, Neville knows the names of plants I've never even seen. Probably took your spot as Sprout's favorite."

She looked up and saw Neville looking over at them, his throat bobbing. She gave him a smile and gasped when a card flew up and got him on the chin.

His head snapped back to his father. Calandra threw her head back and laughed.

"Go easy on the boy, Frank! He's got to practice for quite a while before he can hold his own with you when it comes to those cards."

Neville stared at his father. Frank's head was turned toward Neville. Calandra wasn't sure if he was looking at him or not, but it didn't matter. Neville looked at Frank like he hung the moon.

She reached out and held Alice's hand. Alice just stared down at their entwined fingers. Calandra reached up with her other hand and brushed a strand of that fine wispy hair back from Alice's face.

"I've missed you Alice. It's lovely to see you again. I'm sorry it's been so long. You look as beautiful as ever."

Big amber eyes found hers and she stared into their depths. Eyes she'd looked to so many times. Eyes that had reassured her when she felt weak. Eyes that promised she'd always be there. Eyes that probably didn't recognize her.

Alice closed her eyes and sat back. Calandra looked back toward Frank and Neville. They took turns throwing cards. Frank's cards still just fell randomly. His movements were slower now and Neville slowed down to match his father's pace. Soon, Frank laid his hands on the blanket and rested his head against the pillow with his eyes closed. Calandra watched Neville pick up the cards his father had thrown. He put one in each of the open chocolate frog boxes and left one on the bed by Frank's hand.

She felt a slight squeeze to her hand and looked back at Alice. The woman's eyes tracked Neville's every movement. Calandra squeezed her hand in return and slid off the bed. She walked over and helped Neville gather the few empty boxes and put them in the bin.

"I'll leave in just a moment." she told him quietly. "I don't want to overwhelm them."

He nodded.

"Me, too. Our visits are usually kind of short."

They finished cleaning up and sat the rest of their gifts on the table. She gave Alice a hug with one arm and walked to the foot of the bed. She turned and looked at her old friends.

"I'm going to head out, now. It was wonderful to see you. I loved every second of our visit."

She glanced over at Neville and went on.

"I love you. Keep Alice in line for me, Frank."

Alice popped out of bed and shuffled over to Neville. She reached out and Calandra saw her press something into his hand.

"Thanks, Mum." He said softly. "I'll come visit you again tomorrow."

Alice shuffle back to the bed and sat down.

Neville picked up the bag with his plant in it and followed Calandra out of the room, softly shutting the door behind him. He stood staring at the papers in his hand. They stood there, unmoving in the hallway, until Calandra laid a hand on Neville's arm.

He didn't look up at her when he spoke.

"She's never given me two at the same time before."

He held up the papers. They were the silver wrappers to the Drooble's Bubble Gum they'd brought her.

She thought back to a gold wrapper exchanging hands and Alice's quick laugh.

_"That was the moment I knew he'd fallen for you." Alice lay next to Calandra on the bed. "It was the sweetest thing."_

_"You're dreaming, Alice." Calandra chuckled. "He didn't tell me he loved me until months afterwards."_

_"I saw his eyes, Callie." Alice said. "He was gone for you, even then."_

_"Come off it, it was just a laugh." She rolled her eyes, looking at her friend. "Just a bit of flirting."_

_"No." Alice shook her head. "He loved you then. He just didn't know how to say it."_

She knew who he was, and she loved him. Those silver wrappers said all the words she couldn't say.

"If you've got time for a drink, I'd like to tell you a story." Calandra said with a smile.

He needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter tugged at my heart like crazy. Neville's parents' situation always broke my heart and this helped ease that hurt the tiniest bit. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy!


	67. Chapter 67

October 25, 1998

It only took Harry three days to convince the ministry to allow her inside the Department of Mysteries. Calandra didn't have any idea of how many favors he called in or what strings he pulled, or really even why he did it in the first place, but she would be eternally grateful.

She walked beside him through the ministry atrium. She was a bit nervous if she were being honest with herself. She hadn't asked Harry any details about Sirius's death, she didn't quite trust herself with the knowledge. She desperately wanted to know but couldn't bring herself to ask. Harry would probably tell her all about it today.

The pair traveled down the lifts and through long corridors. Harry met up with a tall wizard with ebony skin and the two had a short, whispered conversation. She watched as the wizard drew his wand and tapped the door he stood in front of. It slid back and led down a winding corridor.

"Kingsley charmed the corridor to look different than it normally does. All the rooms are charmed to look different as well." Harry said as he led her through. "It was a stipulation in our agreement. That way you couldn't find your way back to areas only Unspeakables are allowed in."

She nodded and followed him. He took her through three different doors, then they came to another long hallway. At the end of the hallway was a door where Harry stopped. He tapped his wand in some sort of pattern on the door and it slowly swung open. She stepped inside.

The room was circular and dark. Shadows crept out from all around toward the only item there; a stone arch that faintly glowed standing in the center of the room. Calandra looked at the arch. She could feel vibrations in the air and soft whispers kissed her skin. Sirius's voice echoed in her mind and she stood rooted to her spot just inside the door.

"This is it." Harry said softly. "He passed through the veil."

She took a step forward. The misty air that glowed in the arch flowed and drifted like silk. The veil. She slowly walked forward until she was one step away from the veil. Harry stood by the door, giving her space. She felt the soft caress of Sirius's voice and knew.

She was finally going to see him again. She knew it would be the end. She'd go willingly. Neville didn't need her; he was all grown up with a life of his own. She'd left him everything in her will. He could give his parents the best of care. Everything in her life was settled. Everything but this. She smiled and stepped quickly forward with her hand outstretched.

She crashed against thin air.

Realization dawned on her and she crumbled to her knees with a sob. She clenched her fists tightly and tried to push through the mist. She pounded the invisible barrier that kept her from him.

"Please." She sobbed softly. "Please, let me go."

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She rested her head against the solid sheet of air and watched the veil mist and sway. The voices sang the sweetest song she'd ever heard. If only she could get to them. She lay her hands flat against the barrier and went through a series of vanishing spells. Nothing happened. Harry came up softly behind her and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She sat back on her heels and stared at the veil in the archway.

"They didn't put the protection up because of you." Harry said. "It's been there since that night as far as I know."

"I tried the same thing." He said softly. "Remus Lupin held me back."

She smiled at the mention of her old friend.

"He was one of my best friends." She said wiping her tears. She looked up at Harry and saw the sadness in his eyes. "He's dead, too isn't he?"

Harry nodded.

"He died in the final battle at Hogwarts. So did his wife."

"He got married? To who?" Calandra asked, confused about the mention of a battle, but happily surprised.

"Tonks. Nymphadora Tonks was her name. She was great. Always joking around." Harry smiled at the memory.

_Tonks?_

Calandra laughed.

"How'd she talk him into it?" she asked.

Harry chuckled. "She finally convinced him she didn't care."

Calandra smiled and remembered her drunken promise to her friend.

She held her hand out and thought of a happy memory. The boys dormitory seventh year. Playing a muggle board game Lily had brought.

"Expecto Patronum." she whispered.

A gray wolf emerged from her palm. She brought the wolf close to her face and basked in the warmth.

"I told you so, Remus. Sorry I'm a bit late, but Tonks is a keeper." She said softly and flung her hand toward the arch.

The silvery creature ran forward and disappeared into the mist. Harry sucked in a breath. Calandra smiled.

"Will it…Where does…" Harry couldn't figure out what he wanted to ask.

"I don't know." She said. "But I always told him I'd tell him."

The gray wolf emerged from the veil and trotted back over to her. It stared into her eyes as if it could see her and slowly disappeared. She smiled a sad smile.

"What happened?" she asked. "I'd like to know."

Harry eased himself down to the floor and sat beside her with his legs crossed. He told her of what Voldemort had turned himself into all those years ago. How Harry himself had accidentally become connected to Voldemort. Calandra was horrified. She had thought that he'd died back at Godric's Hollow that night. She'd seen his body there, plain as day. But he hadn't died. Not completely.

Harry told the story of how Voldemort had used the connection to manipulate him. He told her all about becoming the snake in his dream and how much it unnerved him. How he'd come to the ministry the moment he thought they had Sirius.

He might as well have been James Potter sitting next to her. Calandra almost smiled. Harry was the spitting image of his father and it was exactly the same thing James would have done; gone helter skelter trying to get to Sirius if there was even an inkling he'd been in danger.

"He wasn't really here." Harry said. "It was a trap. The Death Eaters were here, and they ambushed us."

Harry stared at the veil.

"The Order came not that long after we got here. Sirius punched Lucius Malfoy in the face first thing."

Calandra choked out a laugh. A fully capable wizard with remarkable skill and he decked the snake.

"Everyone fought. Bellatrix Lestrange came for me and Sirius got in the way. She dueled him. It was insane, curses flying everywhere. One hit him."

Harry swallowed staring at the floor.

"He just fell through and drifted away."

She stared at the spot on the floor Harry couldn't take his eyes off of. His own family, the death of him. She caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and looked up to find Harry shaking his head.

"That's what I can't stop reliving." He said, tears dripping down to his cheeks. "Him just falling into oblivion. If he'd been anywhere else, it wouldn't have happened."

"What do you mean?" Calandra asked.

Harry looked up at her and then over to the arch.

"She hit him with a stunning spell."

She stared at the glowing arch. A stunning spell. He'd been alive when he passed through. He hadn't died on this side of the veil. Her heart clenched at the unfairness of it all.

They sat there, deep in thought, until Harry slowly rose to his feet and held out a hand to her. She let him help her to her feet and they walked toward the door. Calandra stopped a couple steps from the door and turned back to the veil. Voices floated over to her and she breathed them in.

Her eyes shot open at the thought.

_He didn't die on this side of the veil._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that it is not technically canon that Sirius was hit with a stunning spell, but it also isn't technically not-canon. It's never explicitly specified what he was hit with. The spell that Bellatrix cast right before the one that hit Sirius was one with a red flash of light. I took the artistic liberty of making the second one be the same. 
> 
> The past couple chapters have been tear jerkers, so maybe here's a little hope for you all!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy! :)


	68. Chapter 68

October 26, 1998

"I asked Hermione about the books you wanted. She said that they're not at Hogwarts, and trust me, she'd know. But there are a few personal libraries that probably have them. She sent a list." Harry told Calandra.

He held out a scrap of parchment with five names on it.

 _Laibros, Marcell, Chaprese, Nott_ , and _Malfoy._

Old wizarding families. Two of the names were unfamiliar to her, possibly from other countries on the continent. Marcell seemed to ring a bell, it might be English. Calandra looked down at the last names on the list. She definitely recognized those names.

"You want to go, don't you?" Harry just looked at her.

"I'll write them." She said laying the paper on the table. "I'm not even sure where some of them are."

"I'm going there day after tomorrow." he said pointing to the last name on the list. "I'm picking up a load of artifacts the ministry wants to investigate. You can come along if you'd like."

She looked curiously at him. "The Malfoys don't seem like the type to just open up their library to anyone."

"Narcissa Malfoy is more approachable these days now that her husband is in Azkaban. I specifically requested to be the one to go, I have a meeting with her."

Calandra's eyes shot up. "There's a story there."

He nodded. "Quite a long one, actually. But I'd say she'll let you look through the books. They've been very accommodating since their trials."

"How'd she escape Azkaban?" Calandra asked.

"I spoke at her trial. Her son's, too." He said. "So did Hermione."

"Even though she joined the dark side?" The question was heavy.

"We'd have died if not for them." He said simply.

Her brows shot up. She nodded.

"If you think she'll let me in, I'd like to go." She said finally.

"Be ready at seven on Wednesday." He said.

* * *

October 28, 1998

They walked through the gate at Malfoy Manor. Sprawling rosebushes flocked either side of the heavy iron bars and edged the path up to the estate. Calandra looked around. It hadn't changed all that much since she'd seen it last. The grounds were pretty much the same. Maybe a new wing had been added to the great stone building towards the back, she couldn't tell.

She saw a tall, thin figure walk from one of the small buildings at the rear of the manor up to the side of the behemoth. She looked over to Harry and saw his shoulders a bit tense.

"You've been here before?" she asked.

"Yeah, once. It wasn't very pleasant experience for me." He grimaced. "You?"

"Yeah," she said climbing the steps to the door. "Me either."

Harry knocked on the door and after a moment it swung open. Narcissa Malfoy stood before her in deep blue robes, diamonds at her ears. She faltered just a step when she noticed Calandra, but regained her composure and invited them in.

"I brought along a friend of mine who has a favor to ask." Harry said, looking at Narcissa pointedly.

"Of course." Narcissa murmured. "You know we're in full compliance with the ministry."

"It isn't ministry business." he said nodding towards Calandra.

She stepped forward and held out her hand.

"Mrs. Malfoy, I'm Calandra White. We went to school together, though you may not remember me, I was a few years behind you."

"Of course," Narcissa said, eyes widening in recognition at the name. "What can I do for you?" She looked between Calandra and Harry.

"I was wondering if I could use your library. I'm looking for some rare texts and the manor library is one of the most extensive collections of magical works in the world, I'm told."

Narcissa's let down her guard just a bit. It was obvious Calandra wasn't here to hex her or try to threaten her. Flattery didn't hurt either.

"Of course, I'll show you to it. I would like just a moment to speak with Mr. Potter, though. Would you wait for us in the corridor?" she swept a hand toward the main hallway.

"Yes, thank you." Calandra replied and walked down the hall.

Narcissa and Harry walked with her just a way then Narcissa guided him up a staircase to her right and into a small room. Calandra noticed she left the door open and could see a writing desk and a couple arm chairs from where she stood.

She looked around her. Marble floors stretched out before her. Tapestries hung on the walls in thick sheets of silk and velvet. White stone pillars dotted the hallway. She noticed a few doors open and walked closer. She found herself first looking in a room that was completely bare. There was absolutely nothing in it. Blank walls, stark white ceilings, and a bare stone floor; not even marble, just grey stone. It looked as if someone had gutted it down to its bare bones. She took a step forward and felt the frisson of wards as she stepped through.

Interesting.

She backed out of the room and walked a few steps further down the corridor and peeked inside another room. Memories flashed before her eyes as she took in the familiar pattern of the floor. Avery's hands on her. Sirius dancing with her under the chandelier. Her father's harsh words spat at her when she dismissed chances at a betrothal.

" _You seem to think that you have more choice than you actually do in the matter." Her father bit out through clenched teeth._

_She was silent. Staring at the sparks from the fireworks as they showered down._

" _Do you think you have any other option in this world? With what you are?" her father's voice grated on her eardrums._

" _If you cooperate with me, you can live in luxury for the rest of your life." Her father's grip on her arm tightened. She'd probably have bruises. "Are you so stupid that you don't realize what your lot in life would be if anyone found out what you are?"_

_The stars shone through the window. She tried to pick out a constellation, any constellation._

" _Let me remind you. You'd be cast out. Nothing. No self-respecting person wants what you are."_

"Can I help you?" a voice drawled.

Her head snapped up to a figure leaning against the bottom of the staircase. A boy, blonde, probably about nineteen raised an eyebrow at her. She locked eyes with him, and her heart clenched. Those damn grey eyes would follow her everywhere. She swallowed and barely shook her head.

"I'm waiting for Narcissa Malfoy. She's going to allow me the use of the manor's library."

His brow lowered. "I can call an elf to find her."

"No need. I know where she is." Calandra nodded towards the spot where Narcissa had led Harry. "She's meeting with Mr. Potter."

"She's meeting Harry Potter?" the boy questioned.

She nodded. "In the west sitting room, I think. The door is open if you want to join them."

He laughed a hollow laugh.

"No thanks," he said and stood up straight. "I'll show you the library if you'd like."

"Oh," she glanced towards the room the others had entered. "I wouldn't want to insult Mrs. Malfoy's hospitality. I can wait"

"Mother won't care." he shrugged.

She raised her eyebrows at him and swept her hand out, "Lead the way."

She followed him down the corridor and stopped as he pushed open two grand wooden doors and stepped aside for her to enter.

She walked in, looking around in amazement. Shelves of books lined every wall, up to the ceiling. Rolling ladders were scattered through the room, leaning against the shelves. Rows and rows of dark wood created a maze of books. A couple desks and chairs sat next to a glowing fireplace. Pillows lined a window seat.

"I can show you the legend." He stood behind her looking bored.

"The legend?" she echoed, walking over to a shelf and running a finger along the spine of a book.

"All the books are catalogued." He said moving to a large stone slab mounted on a pedestal. "You can search for the types of books you want."

He looked over at her and said a bit impatiently, "Well, what are you looking for?"

"Old texts. Egyptian, Indian, and Italian especially." She said.

He muttered a spell and waved his wand over the stone. Books glowed all around them. A hundred or more.

"That's a lot, what subject?" he asked.

She thought for a moment and said, "Magical sources, how magic is derived and transferred."

He nodded and cast his wand again.

"I'd also like to look at any books you have on magical paintings. Same countries of origins." she said quickly.

He looked a bit surprised but complied. A few more books glowed.

"Marvelous." she said a walking over to peer at the stone. There were runes carved into it in neat lines. "Where did you get it?"

"I made it." He said.

"Extraordinary." She breathed, then grinned at him. "You must've been a right swot in school. Top of your classes, I bet." She joked.

A corner of his lip turned up. "Something like that."

"You went to Hogwarts, yeah?"

He nodded.

"You should've convinced Madam Pince to let you catalogue the Library there with a legend like that. This is wonderful."

She turned to the closest shelf and grabbed a ladder. The boy shifted on his feet and she looked sharply at him.

"Are there curses on any of them?"

He furrowed his brows.

"Will they hex me if I'm not pureblood?" she asked bluntly.

He clenched his jaw and shook his head.

"No."

Calandra nodded and stepped up on the first rung of the ladder.

"You can accio them," he said. "Levitate them to you, whatever you'd like. There's no charms on them that prevent it."

"Oh." Calandra blinked in surprise.

She didn't have a wand, and no one really knew about how adept she was at wandless magic. She didn't particularly want anyone to know either, least of all the Malfoys. She knew Lucius was in Azkaban, but that didn't mean she wanted his family to know her secrets.

"I don't mind to get them like this. I don't have a wand."

His brows furrowed and he just stared at her. She climbed up and got two of the glowing books, then pushed off the bookshelf to roll the ladder a bit to the left and grabbed another. Just as she was reaching for the fourth book it lifted out of the bookshelf. She felt the books she was holding lift out of her hands. She looked around her and about twenty glowing books were levitating towards a table in the corner. When they stacked themselves neatly on the table, the boy lowered his wand.

"Thanks," she said sincerely as she climbed down the ladder.

He nodded and picked a piece of lint off of his shirt.

"Did I miss one?" he clocked the book in her hand and her focused stare at the cover.

She hmpfed and held it up. Albus Dumbledore gazed out of the cover of the book.

"No," She said staring at the book. "You didn't."

A familiar fire boiled her blood.

The boy stared at her as she looked back down at the book. Her knuckles were white where she gripped the spine. She slowly shook her head.

"I wanted to kill you." she said quietly, to the picture. "I used to plan out the different ways I would do it if I had the chance."

She frowned and threw the book down on the table. "I never got it."

She looked up and saw that the boy's face had gone white.

"Sorry," she said and pulled out a chair.

Calandra started flipping through a book. She frowned at the page she was reading and flipped to a different section. She marked a page she found interesting with a bookmark that was lying on the table and kept reading. She picked up another book out of the stack and looked at the table of contents. She'd come back to it. She was paging through a large volume about Egyptian Hieroglyphics when she finally looked up to find the boy studying her, his hands resting on the back of a chair.

"What?" she asked, holding the book up. "I'm being careful. I'm not going to nick them."

He shook his head and said, "I just thought you'd be on his side."

He jerked his head toward the book with Dumbledore on the front.

"Friends with Potter and all."

He scratched his arm.

"His side?" she mused. "Of the war?"

She shook her head.

"He kept me locked in a box for years. I didn't get the opportunity to fight in your war. It doesn't matter though; I saw enough of it the first go around to last a lifetime."

He was silent.

"I'd say you have too by the looks of it." she nodded to his hands.

He looked down and found them trembling a bit. He didn't look surprised. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

"They say the healers have better stuff these days," she said, turning a page in her book. "I haven't tried it myself, so I couldn't say."

"You can guess which side of this my family was on," he said, a sneer in his voice. "I'm sure the healers would be less than enthusiastic if I showed up at St. Mungo's looking for help with torture tremors."

Calandra cast a long appraising look over him.

"How old where you?" she asked, voice steady, looking him in the eye.

"Care to elaborate?" he asked, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

He didn't fool her; he knew what she meant.

"When he branded you," she nodded toward his left arm, covered by his robes. "How old were you?"

He stared at the fire in the fireplace.

"Sixteen." he said, finally.

She scoffed and shook her head.

She gazed out the window and muttered, "Weren't even of age. Just a kid. And they put war right on your shoulders."

"I was old enough to make the choice." he said bitterly.

"Oh yeah?" she said leaning forward in her chair. "Some choice."

"Tell me something, then. When you took that mark, did you do it because you thought you were better than everyone else? That muggles deserved nothing but to be slaves to wizards? That muggleborns and half breeds and blood traitors deserved to die? By your hand? That anyone whose blood wasn't pure was beneath you?"

He didn't meet her gaze.

"I'm not asking if you've ever thought it before. I knew your father well enough to know the types of things I'm sure he drilled into your head. I've no doubt you tried to live up to all those expectations. I'm asking if they're the reason why you've got a skull on your arm?"

She watched him blink.

"Or did you do it because you were scared? Because you'd been told your whole life to uphold family honor and that this would keep you safe? Keep your family safe? That it would protect you and the people you cared about?"

He swallowed. The corners of his lips turned down and his eyes shown with pain and regret and confusion.

"You don't have to answer." she said softly. "It's written all over your face."

He blinked and shook his head.

"Doesn't matter." he said. "It's there. It's what I am. I'll always be a Death Eater to everyone."

"The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters, love." She frowned when he shook his head again.

Calandra lay a hand on his arm and he flinched, but she didn't pull away.

"Which side you think I would've been on if I could fight in your war? Which side you think I was on way back when? The 'good side' right?" she asked softly, then her voice hardened. "But I'd kill him today if I saw him." Calandra tapped a knuckle on the face of the grey-haired wizard on the cover of the book. "I would."

"And I knew a Death Eater who risked his life to save me. To keep a member of The Order safe. At the time it seemed like such a small act of defiance in the face of that darkness, but it made all the difference."

His head shot up and grey eyes met blue eyes. Those eyes would be the death of her.

"You've got your whole life in front of you, kid. Don't let the darkness ruin it for you."

He looked away and she followed his gaze. A portrait of Lucious Malfoy leered down at them from over the fireplace.

He cleared his throat and said, "I'll let you get back to it. You can call for an elf if you need any assistance. I'll let mother know you're already in here."

He turned to leave, and Calandra called out.

"You're not him, you know."

He stopped and looked back at her. She jerked her head towards the portrait.

"There was a point in my life where I'd consider that an insult." He said, raising his eyebrows.

"You might look an awful lot like him, but you're not him."

"Everything about me seems to prove otherwise." he said sadly.

"Nah, you've got the Black family eyes." she said and winked.

"My father's eyes are grey, too."

"Yeah, but there's light behind yours." she replied.

He smiled to himself and walked out the doors.

* * *

October 28, 1998

The books written by the Italian masters were the most helpful. She pulled a quill and parchment from the drawer of the desk and copied down information. Calandra ran her fingers over the legend and called forth some specific texts on the different stories and magical myths about the veil. She even found a couple rare books about the Romano family and their paintings. The manor library really was quite extensive. She copied down different incantations to research and made notes of references in the Italian books.

She was searching through a battered old book of spells when a footnote about wards caught her eye. She flipped through another book with a similar reference and raised her eyebrows. She startled when she heard voices in the hallway. Calandra sent half the books flying back towards the shelves, tidying the table a bit. A moment later Harry entered the library with Narcissa Malfoy close behind.

"Sorry, it took us so long." he apologized walking over to the table. "Malfoy came in and told us he'd shown you the library, and then I lost track of time. Did you find anything you were looking for?"

"Yes," she said smiling.

"Your library is amazing." She added to Narcissa.

"Thank you, Draco spends lots of time in here. He's added to the collection quite a bit." Narcissa waved a hand around.

Calandra's mind snagged onto that sentence. Another celestial name. Another haughty wizard. Another set of grey eyes.

She gathered up her parchments and turned to Harry.

"We can leave if you've finished."

Harry nodded and waved a wand toward the books on the table, causing them to lift and re-shelve themselves. She tucked the parchments into her robes as Harry took Narcissa's hand.

"Thank you for meeting with me," he said shaking it politely. "I'll be sure to let the ministry know of our conversation."

Calandra stepped up and held out a hand saying, "Thank you so much for allowing me the use of your library. I very much appreciate it."

Narcissa took her hand and gazed at her.

"You're welcome. Feel free to come by again if the need arises." She said.

Calandra nodded and followed Harry out of the library. Narcissa followed them out and closed the doors. The three of them walked down the hallway, with Narcissa in the lead. Calandra watched the witch glance at her and take a breath.

"I understand that condolences are in order, Ms. White." Narcissa said. "I was very sorry to hear of your father's passing."

Calandra could have laughed. If there was one thing in the world she wasn't sorry about, it was that man dying. She took in the woman next to her. Narcissa was clearly trying to be civil and put a good foot forward, probably to bolster her reputation in front of Harry. But there was no malice in her words. Johnathon had done business with Lucius before Calandra was even out of school. Narcissa probably knew him fairly well. Maybe she was sorry. Maybe not. Pure blood and pure-bred manners through and through. Well, Calandra had had enough of that from her father.

"Don't be," she said. "He was a horrid old beast and the world's not missing anything with him gone. And please, call me Calandra."

Harry looked a bit taken aback but Calandra saw him smother a smile. Narcissa's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to apologize, and Calandra just couldn't help herself when she caught sight of a slim figure in a doorway along the corridor.

"Don't apologize," she said turning to Narcissa. "I feel I can speak freely with you about him. That's what family is for. After all, who could I confide in but a fellow Black?"

Calandra smiled when she heard a surprised chuckle from the doorway and swung the main door open wide. She turned and waved, then walked down the steps. Harry said goodbye and followed close behind her; mouth curved into a smile he was no longer trying to hide.

"Are you really?" he asked. "A Black?"

"I shouldn't think so." she said smiling. "We were never married. But sometimes the old magic in families like that recognizes someone as blood when their magic is bonded."

"Your magic was bonded to Sirius's?" Harry asked.

"I don't know." Calandra admitted. "But I could pass through Black family wards back there."

"Wow." Harry said. "That's interesting. Which wards did you pass through?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know what the room was. It was bare; there was nothing in it." Calandra said thinking back to the room. "But it was warded separately from the rest of the manor, and since you said Lucius is in Azkaban, that means that the wards are his wife's."

"Or his son's." Harry pointed out.

"Either way," she smiled. "Black family wards."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's expand on those tiny redemption arcs a couple of the Malfoy's got in the Harry Potter books. ;)


	69. Chapter 69

October 30, 1998

Calandra went back to the flat and searched through her books. She went down the list she’d made while in the Malfoy library and was pleased to see that she had about a third of the books she’d made a note to re-read. She’d forgotten about most of them.

She sent off an order to Flourish and Blotts for the rest of the books, promising extra money if the books could be sent to her the same day. It had taken an extra twenty galleons, but the books arrived late that night. Five owls carried the boxes between them and sat them on the windowsill.

Calandra tore open the box and immediately set to reading through the books about the veil. She immersed herself in the old texts, reading and re-reading the books written by magical philosophers and explorers. There were clues everywhere. Hints of it; a spell here, a reference there. But try as she might, Calandra could not piece it together.

She poured over the books Sirius had gotten her for her birthday. They were the reason she’d thought of it in the first place. Lorenzo had tried painting his fiancé back to life but couldn’t because she had died. He seemed so sure that he could do it though, if she hadn’t actually died. How did he know?

She stared down at her notes and rubbed her eyes. Focus. She had to focus. The answer was here, she just had to find it. Go over the facts and work from there.

Mellifluous. A Book of Poetry:

Turas Máthair

“And they take you to the shadow place.

Where death does naught to hide his face.

I suffer through that great divide.

Long it may take, my time I’ll bide.

That realm may hide you, but do not fear.

Mother comes, her way is clear.

Your hand I take and lead you home.

Safe, secure, no more to roam.

We shall sing back in the sun.

This breath you’ll breathe, my little one.

Gone you were, yet here we are.

The brightest light, my morning star.

Remember this, my love so true.

For half of me, is all of you.”

-Niamh Byrne

_Mother went to the shadow place to rescue her child. I can’t do that. They shielded the fucking veil._

La vita Nell’arte: “When one knows completely that which they create, they bring them forth; both in medium and in life.”-Michelangelo

_If you know every single detail you can paint them. But what brings them to life?_

Magical Paintings; A Guide to Italy’s Greatest Treasures of the 15th Century: “Some wizards claimed Lorenzo’s portrait to be so lifelike, that she actually got up and stepped out of the frames, onto the ground.” -Guiseppi

_I don’t even know. He states clearly in his book that he isn’t able to bring his love to life. But the portraits are more lifelike than anything anyone has ever seen._

To Péplo: “Though the veil has never been confirmed to exist, wizards and witches across the world hold true that the barrier between this world and what is beyond the veil is thinnest on All Hallows Eve.”-Adamos

_Ok. So if I ever figure the bloody thing out, I’ll do it on Halloween for best chances. I’ve got about two days to figure it out, then. Also, you twit, the veil exists._

Axis Mundi: Wizarding Edition: “Few have lived to tell the tale of the great between. Travelling through the misty land is treacherous and most do not come out alive. It is for this reason wizards create their own doors to the abyss.”-Meru

_It’s dangerous beyond the veil. Who would’ve ever thought? But you don’t have to actually go beyond the veil to reach it. How do you make the doorway?_

The Oracle. A Guide to Divination: “That which was once sealed, is unlocked. It is now to converse with them, those spirits who whisper beyond the fabric of now.”-Bouier

_I don’t even know. It sounded like the veil._

Anima Nell’arte: “Death is final. That is my only regret. That death is final.”-Lorenzo.

_Right. Death. Sirius didn’t actually die._

Anima Nell’arte: “The soul is there, ready for new breath. But Death guards her; Death always guards her. Had not Death come for my love she would be here. I would make it so.”-Lorenzo

_He knows!!!!! He knows how to do it. He as good as says so. If his love had not died, he’d bring her to life. But she died, and he didn’t bother writing it out for anyone else. Bloody git._

Michelangelo Romano. Pittore Straordianrio. Magical Edition: “I found the answer as a child. My mother told it to me in the sweetest voice. But the answer is not that to my own question. If it only were.”-Michelangelo

_So his dad and gran knew, too. This whole sodding family knows, but no one else does._

Nexum Magicae (Most Ancient and Powerful Magical Tethers): “It is unknown all the different links magic creates; passing through time and not bound by death. Bonds of blood are strongest, but magic is not limited to only one bond. Unity ties, marriage, inter-species bonds, emotions, and shared magic all create ties that transcend the basic rules of magic.”-Suarez

_Shared magic. Interesting._

Anima Nell’arte: “I cannot go to the place where Death abides, but that matters not. One does not have to seek Death to seek life. Life is creation. So is my work.” -Lorenzo

_Ok. So you don’t have to go past the veil if you can create what you want to bring back. I can do that. I can paint him. If they’d just spell it out!_

Lorenzo Romano (Lorenzo di Michalangelo) Famiglia di Artisti. Magical Edition: “It is there though,” I asked him, plainly. “It can be done.”

“Always.” Lorenzo said. “I have found all the keys. I have painted with my soul. My tether is secure. I have made magic from the hues. If I could, I would summon life from my own lungs. But these keys do not unlock my prison.”-Vassar

_Once again, he knows how to do it, but his love is dead!!!_

Calandra leant back against the sofa and rubbed her temples. Michelangelo knew how to do it. So did his son. Lorenzo tried over and over again to do it but couldn’t get it to work because his love had died. He knew all the steps, and he as good as laid them all out except one. Paint the person and bring them back. What was the spell that did it? Calandra scanned the notes and scratched her head. Something was here.

She grabbed a pen and circled all the words that were similar.

Paint. Create. Hue.

Tether. Link. Bond.

Children. Mother. Child. Little one.

Breathe. Breath. Lungs.

She tilted her head and looked at the words on the page. Something sparked in the far recesses of her mind. She almost laughed when she realized what it was. This was almost exactly what she’d done when she’d tried to figure out the meaning behind her Patronus. She smiled and thought back to Sirius telling her stories from his childhood, trying to reassure her.

A chord of recognition struck deep within her. Stories from his childhood. He’d told her stories from his childhood. Michelangelo’s mother gave him the answer when he was a child. She’d _told_ him when he was a child.

Children’s stories.

It was preposterous. The answers she needed wouldn’t be in a story book.

Would they?

She stood and stomped to the bedroom. She dug in boxes under the bed until she got to the box she wanted. The box that held Sirius’s life from Grimmauld Place. He hadn’t opened it in years, back when they lived here together. He told her that he already got the important stuff out of it. Calandra pushed aside everything in the box and pulled out the books that lay inside.

She walked back into the living room and brushed the dust off the small books. One was an old spell book, but two were story books. _Fernsby Fantasies_ and _Sullivan Scéalaí: Truest Tales of the Emerald Isle._ She sat the fantasy book down and opened the other. Calandra sat absorbed in the book, feeling like she was seven years old again listening to her mother read her a bedtime story.

She found what she was looking for four stories in.

**Spiritus Vitae**

**One snowy winter evening, a young mother sat rocking her child to sleep in front of the hearth. The child nodded off as the mother sang, so she put him to bed and tended the fire. When she turned back to the bed in the corner of the room, the boy was gone.**

**The mother ran to the door and what she saw struck her heart. The Fae had come. They had taken her son. The mother cried out to them, but they ran with the child, still peacefully a slumber.**

**The mother ran with them. She followed as the Fae twisted and turned through the countryside. Her hair caught and pulled in the brambles. Her feet cracked and bled in the bitter cold. Still she ran.**

**She followed the Fae to the Saolbás. The misty place that mortals fear. The shadow realm of Fae and creatures of the between. The resting place of Death himself.**

**The mother begged. She pleaded with the Fae. She offered herself but it was not she they wanted. The Fae passed through the Arch of Yew and took the boy with them.**

**The mother soon followed. She crossed the threshold between the trees and sought the Fae which had her son. For days she walked, bloody footsteps painting a crimson path behind her. She sang for her son, sweet lullabies to call him to her.**

**She found him there among the shadows. Her heart cried out in thanks as she cradled him to her bosom. He was there and he was hers. She carried him through the mist and back to the threshold. It was Death who stopped her there.**

**He wore no cloak and hid beneath no hood, here. His words weren’t riddles and he put on no airs. In this shadow place, Death was himself. He stood before the mother, blocking her path.**

**She bid him to move aside, but Death there remained. He reached a hand toward the boy, but the mother clutched him close to her and stood up to Death.**

**“He is mine!” she said. “Stolen from me and brought here.”**

**Death considered the mother in front of him. Somehow alive and mortal and bleeding in this shadow place. He nodded to her and held out his hand.**

**“He shall be yours again.” Death said. “But he comes at a price.”**

**“Name it.” The mother said without hesitation.**

**Death was surprised. Never before had anyone who passed through his shadow land and faced him without fear. Never before had one so boldly addressed him.**

**“Half your life.” He said solemnly.**

**“It is yours.” The mother said and took Death’s hand.**

**He led her through the threshold and brought his hand up to her mouth. Death plucked the mother’s breath from her lungs and split it in half. He sent half back to her lips and instead of taking the other half for his own, he placed it in her hand. Then Death stepped back and watched the mother.**

**She knelt to the ground and cradled the boy to her chest. Tenderly and carefully she placed her breath to the boy’s lips. She whispered a prayer over him.**

**“Spiritus Vitae.” Her soft voice floated on air. “Spiritus Vitae, my little one.”**

**The boy’s sleeping form stirred, and he woke. The mother cried tears of joy and thanked Death profusely.**

**Death bid her goodbye and stepped back into the mist, watching as the mother carried the boy towards home.**

**Just this once, Death mused, he’d not take them for his own. Not yet. They would be back, soon enough.**

Calandra sat there, numb.

She could do it. Her hands started shaking and she burst out in hysterical laughter. She could do it. Her breaths came in short gasps. Tears ran down her cheeks. She could do it. She could actually do it.

 _Spiritus Vitae._ The Breath of Life. Half her life.

She flipped back through the Nell’arte books, scanning for details. She’d have to paint him. Lorenzo said he painted every detail of his love and she was ready for life, but Death guarded her. She could do that. She could paint him. She flipped further into the book, eyes darting over the words. She would paint him and use the incantations. The painting was the doorway. That was what he’d been talking about.

She could do it.

She stood at once. Books tumbled out of her lap. Calandra strode toward the door. She had to go get supplies. She’d need canvas and fresh paint and new brushes. Diagon Alley would have most of it. She’d check Hogsmeade, too. Hell, she’d go to Italy and buy it all if that’s what it took. She flipped the lock and turned the knob, then stopped.

What time was it?

She glanced out the window and disappointment welled in her chest. It was nighttime. She looked at the old clock on the counter. She tapped a finger to it, and its hands whirred around, settling on a quarter past three. She’d have to wait.

Calandra was almost furious; she was a breath away from being catatonic with frustration. Then she paused and looked around the flat. She could do it. She finally knew she could do it. She breathed a sigh that was almost content. She’d waited seventeen years; what was a few more hours?

She was nervous with excitement. She kept pacing the flat reaching out and touching mementos from her former life. She passed the bookshelf by the fireplace and an old leather-bound journal caught her eye.

The edges of the pages glowed the faintest hint of blue. Calandra swallowed and reached for it. She didn’t know what Alice had done that day or any of the days after it. All of her questions were unspoken whisps of regret and if Alice had any of the answers, they were buried under years of confusion and fog born from the pain of dark magic.

Still, Calandra wanted to know. Did Alice blame her for what happened? Did she think Calandra had a part in it? Did anyone, anyone at all, believe Sirius was innocent? Did her father lie to them about her?

Calandra stroked the leather binding. She rested her hands on the old book and breathed a deep, steadying breath. Calandra flipped the book to the bookmark she’d placed in it. The last time she’d talked to Alice. The day it had all happened. She closed her eyes and tried to gather herself. Then, like she’d done so many times before, looking for answers, she read.

**_We’re fine. Frank’s mum keeps popping in to check on us. She seems to think we’re on the run from someone, even though we’ve told her time and again that we’re just laying low for a bit._ **

**** ****

**_Callie! Floo to me as soon as you get this!!_ **

****

**_There was an attack! Please write back._ **

****

**** ****

**_Something’s happened, Callie. Something bad. They haven’t told us what yet. Please let me know when you get this. Please floo as soon as you can._ **

****

****

**_Callie, where are you?_ **

****

****

**_Please let me know you’re safe._ **

****

****

**_CALLIE! YOU HAVE TO COME TO MY HOUSE NOW! YOU’RE NOT SAFE!_ **

****

****

**_DON’T GO TO POTTER! COME TO ME! PLEASE!!!_ **

****

****

**_PLEASE CALLIE! WRITE BACK! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE SAFE!_ **

****

****

**_Callie, please tell me where you are. I’ll come get you if you’re scared. He can’t get to you now. He’s locked up. We’ll go to Frank’s mum. We’ll keep you safe. Please write me, Callie._ **

****

****

**_I’ll help, Callie. It’s not your fault, ok. If he made you do something, I won’t blame you. I’ll help. Whatever happened you don’t have to hide from me. I love you, Callie. Please write. I just want you back._ **

****

****

**_Frank’s turned the garden shed into a guest house for you. We extended it and shielded it. It’s got every charm on it that Moody knows. We’ve made it unplottable and silenced it. It’s yours, Callie. It’s got great light for painting. We put a gramophone in it. Come back to me, Callie._ **

****

****

**_Please Callie. Please write to me. Please. I’m begging. I’ve looked everywhere. I went to the lighthouse. I even went back to Hogwarts. Please._ **

****

****

**_Remus said you went looking for him that day. No one has any idea where you are. Please tell me you’re alright. Please tell me you didn’t find him._ **

****

****

**_CALLIE! COME TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW OR I’LL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU EVER AGAIN._ **

****

****

**_I lied Callie. I lied. I’ll speak to you. Please. Please just write. I’ll talk to you, I promise._ **

****

****

**_You won’t be in trouble. I’ll take care of everything. No matter what happened. No one thinks you were part of anything. The Wizengamot didn’t even know you were with him. It’s ok. I promise you don’t have to hide._ **

****

****

**_Please write back. Just let me know you’re safe._ **

****

****

**_Why’d you go after him, Callie? Why? I tracked Remus down again. He said you were going after him because you love him. Why? Callie, please. Why did you go? You knew what he did…_ **

****

****

**_I know you’re out there, Callie. I know it. I know it._ **

****

****

**_Please be out there._ **

****

****

**_I don’t know how to make you talk to me. Please talk to me, Callie._ **

****

****

**_If you don’t talk to me, I’ll never let you see Neville again!!!!!! I’m serious Callie. If you’re there and you don’t answer me, you are gone from his life. I need you to come for Neville. He needs his Aunt Callie. I’ll give you two days._ **

****

****

**_Please._ **

****

****

**_No No No No No_ **

****

**** ****

**_Please No._ **

****

****

**_Callie, Please._ **

****

****

**_Frank wants me to stop writing. He says that it’s wrecking me. Maybe it is. But what if you’re there? That’s what I keep asking myself. I pack this stupid thing with me everywhere I go, hoping and praying that it glows. But it won’t will it, Callie? I knew it as soon as the sun came up that second day and your handwriting wasn’t under mine. You always come for Neville._ **

****

****

**_I miss you, Callie. What happened? Did you find him? Did he hurt you? I petitioned to visit him, but it’s been denied every single time. I’ll get to him. I’ll make him pay. Moody is going to try to pull some strings to get me in to see him. I need to know, Callie._ **

****

****

**_I love you, Callie. I’ll find you. I promise. I’ll bring you home. You can be here with us; in my family plot. It’s where you belong. You’re my sister. You always have been. No boxes, I promise. I know you don’t want to spend eternity in a box. Charmed silk sound nice to you? Hand painted by yours truly. I painted it. It looks a mess, but it’s yours. I love you._ **

****

****

**_I’m sorry, Callie. I’m so so sorry. I should have never told you to go back. I should have fought and begged you to stay with me. It’s my fault you’re gone. I told you to go back. After what he did to you. I’m so sorry, Callie. I’m so sorry. Please. Please forgive me. Please be there. Please come home._ **

****

****

**_I want to stop writing, but I can’t. I just can’t bring myself to say goodbye, Callie._ **

****

Calandra shut the journal and curled up on the couch, pressing it against her chest. Tears ran down her face, but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She let them wash over her. Let them fill the empty places in her where joy used to reside.

“I love you, Alice.” She whispered to the journal. “I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's one of the chapters that made me cry while writing it. Alice's entries in the journal broke my heart. 
> 
> The attacks on the Longbottoms came just when everyone thought they were safe; months after that night at Godric's Hollow. It made me wonder, in my story, how Alice would've felt all those weeks with no word from Calandra. 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoy!


	70. Chapter 70

October 30, 1998

Calandra wrote a letter to Harry and a letter to Neville. She didn't meet with either of them, or anyone else, before she undertook the endeavor. She didn't want anyone to try to talk her out of it, or to offer assistance. If she succeeded everyone would know soon enough. If she didn't, she didn't want anyone blaming themselves for it. She settled her affairs, wrote her love down on paper, sealed the parchment with their names, and went to work.

Her first stop was Diagon Alley to get a new wand. As she opened the door to Ollivanders, she went back in time to when she was a girl coming here with her mother. Calandra peered around the dusty shelves of boxes and waited for the old wizard to appear. Soon enough, a familiar face peered at her around the corner of a shelf.

"Hello, there." Mr. Ollivander said. "What can I do for you today? In for a repair?"

"No." Calandra said with a smile. "I'm here to buy a wand."

"Well, then." Mr. Ollivander's eyes widened with excitement. "Let's get hop to it."

He walked over to the counter and pulled a quill out of an inkpot.

"Tell me a bit about yourself, dear." Mr. Ollivander said, peering down at his parchment. "What is your name?"

"Calandra White." She said, watching and waiting for him to recognize her.

Mr. Ollivander nodded, and Calandra saw that he'd made it all the way to her surname before his quill paused. He looked up at her and back down at the name, then laid his quill to the side. Mr. Ollivander stepped down from the box he stood on and walked around the counter. He peered at Calandra for a long while before he spoke.

"I knew it." He said finally, clapping his hands together. "Eight and a half inches. Unicorn hair and pine."

Calandra smiled.

"You don't seem very surprised to see me Mr. Ollivander."

"I admit I thought it most curious to read of your passing in the Prophet. I always wondered if perhaps we should've tried a few more wands. But I see plainly that the wand chose correctly. Pine, my dear. Pine has a sense for longevity."

"Well, I'm sad to say that my old wand is long gone." Calandra said. "Do you think a new one will pick me?"

Mr. Ollivander stroked his chin and studied her for a moment.

"I am quite certain of it. The wand picks the witch, does it not? And I daresay you are not the same witch that came into my shop all those years ago. It stands to prove that a new wand will find its home in your hand."

Calandra nodded her agreement and stood to the side as Mr. Ollivander climbed a ladder and pulled down two different wand boxes. He set them on the counter and bent down to the lowest shelf to retrieve another.

"I don't think it will be as simple as the first go-round." He said, standing up straight.

"No, I'm probably a bit more complicated now." Calandra smiled.

Mr. Ollivander waved a hand through the air and shook his head.

"Oh, no, dear." He reached for another box. "That's not my meaning at all. You showed extraordinary skill when you came into my shop almost thirty years ago. I've no doubt you could cast spells with any of these wands."

He sat a pile of dusty boxes on the counter and coughed.

"The real question is; which wand is _the_ wand."

Calandra watched as he opened a box. He held the wand up to her and raised a brow. She took it and felt magic hum in her veins. She conjured a top hat and handed to Mr. Ollivander with a flourish. He smiled and perched the hat on his head but held his hand out for the wand. She pulled a face and gave it back; it didn't feel right. Mr. Ollivander replaced the wand in its box and held another up to his eye. He studied it and handed it to her. This time she transfigured a quill into a feather duster. She handed the wand back to Mr. Ollivander before he even reached for it; it wasn't the right one either.

She went through three more wands, testing their compatibility, growing a bit disheartened. Mr. Ollivander gave her a curious look before opening the next box on the pile. He balanced the wand across his finger, then presented it to her. She took it in her hand and felt herself come alive. It fit in her palm like it was made specifically for her hand. She gripped it and cast it upwards. Flowers rained down from the ceiling. She smiled and sent sparks flying through the air.

This was the one.

Mr. Ollivander held the box out to her and moved to the counter. He studied her with a curious expression before tapping the box in front of her.

"A hair bigger than you had before." He said. "Nine inches. Phoenix feather and elder. Quite the combination."

Calandra studied the wand in her hand. Mr. Ollivander continued talking.

"I spent three months on this one." He said. "I'm glad to see it's found a home with you."

"Thank you, sir." Calandra said, counting out coins. "I'll take great care with it."

Mr. Ollivander nodded at her and they said their goodbyes. Calandra stepped back out onto the street with her new wand clutched in her hand feeling exactly like she did so many years ago, like the whole world lay before her. She set her shoulders and strode down the pavement to purchase all the other items she needed.

Calandra spent two sacks of galleons on seven feet of canvas made out woven unicorn hair. She needed all the magic she could muster for this and was taking no chances. She stopped in Wiseacres Wizarding Equipment and bought every color of paint they had. All different shades of pink, derived from Horklump skin, greens made from the tentacles of Flitterbloom, reds made from Hippocampus scales and Witch's Ganglion, blue made from the shells of sapphire fire crabs and Billywig wings, and so many others. She got two paintbrushes with bristles of puffskein hair and handles made of yew. She stayed up through the night and brewed the potions she needed to make the painting move. When they were finished, she mixed them directly into the paint.

Then Calandra took a deep breath and painted.

* * *

October 31, 1998

She sang the incantations as she painted. Poured out every single bit of magic that she had into the strokes of the brushes. She'd never focused so hard on anything in her life, willing the incantation to work. She painted tirelessly for hours, never stopping to do anything more than take a sip of tea or water to wet her throat so she could continue saying the spell.

Layer upon layer of paint covered the canvas as she painted late into the night. Calandra didn't skip a single detail. Every single hair on his head, every single scar, right down to the tattoos that darkened his skin. She saved the finishing details of his eyes for last. Calandra knew that if she could look up into them, she'd be distracted, and she couldn't afford distractions.

Calandra mixed a drop of unicorn blood into a spot of gray paint on the back of her hand. It shimmered, then lit up and Calandra smiled. She took her paintbrush and carefully added the color to the canvas. She felt a tear spill down her cheek as she gazed into his eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes. The eyes she always got right.

Calandra took a step back and stared at him.

Sirius.

He was bold and handsome and wonderful, staring out of the canvas, just as she remembered him. She had no idea if it would work. Had no idea if he'd even choose it if it did work, but she had to try. If it didn't work, Harry could take the portrait.

She grasped the wand in her hand and said the incantation. She breathed into the tip of the wand and stepped forward. Gently, Calandra tapped the wand to the spot on the canvas where she painted Sirius's mouth and repeated the words once more. She stepped back and waited.

The painting shimmered, which was to be expected with any sort of magic infused art. She watched light glitter its way through the different colors and held her breath. It had to work. It had to. She stared at Sirius's eyes, holding her breath, not daring to move a muscle.

He blinked. Her heart froze. He blinked again and shook his hair back. Calandra stepped forward and held onto the frame surrounding the canvas. She swallowed as she took him in. He looked at her, his eyes studied her, and then he smiled.

"Hi there. How are you?" she asked.

"It's been a long time." he grinned.

She choked out a laugh that suddenly turned into a sob.

"It's you!"

"Who did you expect? The Queen?" he smirked at her.

"I missed you. So much. I'm so sorry. I love you."

"I know." he said kneeling down in the portrait. "I know. I love you."

Calandra laughed through her tears.

"It worked!"

She shook her head and closed her eyes. Please don't let this be a dream. Please be real. Please. PLEASE. Let him be real. She opened her eyes and there he was still, looking out at her from the painting.

"You're here! It worked!" she sobbed.

"What worked?" he asked tilting his head to the side. "Where are you? Why are you there? You should've been here, Cal! You died!"

She shook her head.

"I've been in St. Mungo's. I just got out."

"What?" he breathed, his eyes wide. "Cal, I had no….I'm so sorry. I would've never-"

"I know." she cut him off. "I know. It's ok. I'm ok. Because it worked!"

"Right, you said that. What worked?"

Here it goes. The hard part.

"I've been reading a few new books on the subject of magical paintings." She said, trying to stop crying. "I found references in the book you gave me for my birthday, to other texts that spoke of ancient magic that would bring paintings to life."

He nodded and she went on.

"We always thought they meant make the paintings reflect the life of the subject and give them characteristics and mannerisms of the people. Make them move and stuff. But that's only part of it."

She smiled, remembering her hope when she figured it out.

"It was a guide on how to actually bring the paintings to life."

He looked incredulous.

"That's not possible." He said. "You can't bring people back from the dead. Magic can't reach that far."

She shook her head.

"We can't bring people back from the dead. You're right. But there are ways to bring people back to this side of life. You're more than just a magical painting, even you should be able to tell that."

"You could come back. Really. If it works, you can come back and live here if you want to. I'll explain everything to you, give you all the details, but that's it in a nutshell. You could come back."

He didn't speak, so she began.

"I found it in a children's story." She laughed through her tears. "Then read back over the books I had. It's pretty rare to ever happen. The most recent instance I could find was mentions of it in a poem of an Irish witch in 1659. A mother followed the Fae into Saolbás to get her child back."

"The shadow realm was beyond the veil, so they were always thought to be as good as dead. But they never actually died on earth. Just like you."

His eyes grew wide.

"I found two instances of similar things happening. Mothers going after shadow creatures to get to their children. It makes a lot of sense that the ones able to pull it off were mothers. There are so many aspects of the ancient magic, it's incredibly difficult."

"Like what?"

"First off, you have to know the subject. Really know them. Know them inside and out. Only knowing someone so completely can allow you to reach them through the veil."

"And you did it with me?" he asked softly.

"I could do it with you." she nodded. "I know you better than myself. Every sodding inch of you."

He shot her a devilish smirk.

"You also have to share magical bond with them. Share an element of the ancient magic to tie yourself to them. I've found a few different magical bonds, but the most common is blood."

"We're not related, though." Sirius shook his head.

"No," she agreed. "But you bonded our magic when you gave me your memories. Your magic and my magic coincided for years and bonded. I didn't realize that could happen."

"What else?" he asked softly.

"You either have to follow them through the veil and find them, or you have to create them. From nothing." She said. "I couldn't get to you through the veil. I tried, but I couldn't get in. So, I painted you."

"That part shouldn't come as a surprise. I've been painting you in my mind for the past two decades." Calandra smiled and rubbed her nose.

"You tried to pass through the veil?" he asked, eyes wide.

"I did." She nodded. "I asked Harry to show me where you died. It was protected; shielded to where I couldn't pass through."

"You brave, stupid, beautiful thing." Sirius placed his hand against the canvas where her head was. She felt warmth radiate from the canvas.

"I still don't know a lot about it all. It's so rare. I was lucky to find what I did, and you need to know everything before you decide. All the uncertainties."

"What don't you know?"

"I painted you the way I remember you. You're in your early twenties. If you decide to exist here, I don't know if you'll be twenty-something when you get here or if you'll age forward. I don't know what will happen since I didn't paint you as you were when you passed through the veil. I don't know if me painting you, a version of you that did live and did exist, is enough. It might not be."

He nodded.

"I don't know what it's like where you are. I don't know if you're a soul or a person or what on that side of the veil. If James and Lily and Remus and your Mum are there, you may want to stay and that's fine. I don't mind if you do." She said fervently.

"But if you do come to this side, I don't know if you'll remember that side. I don't know how the magic of the veil works with consciousness."

He ran a hand through his hair and held his chin in his hand, nodding.

"I don't know how long you'll have here. It's half of the rest of my life, I know that, but I don't know how long it is."

He looked confused. "Half your life?"

"That's another reason it's so rare; not many people want to give half their life to someone else." She said with a smile.

His head jerked up. "Half of your life? That's the breath of life? You gave up half of your life for this."

"Only if you choose to come to this side." She lied. Calandra was pretty sure half her life was gone the moment she said the spell. "You can always choose to stay. And if you do choose to stay, there's only one thing I want to ask of you."

He waited to hear what she said.

"Let me come, too." She begged.

"What?" he breathed.

"This painting acts as something like a magical doorway. You can choose to come to this side. You take my hand, the hand of the person that is breathing life, and you can exist here. But if you don't want to, please Sirius, let me come to you."

He knelt down until they were eye to eye.

"You're telling me that I can live again." He said reverently.

She nodded.

"You're telling me that I can live again. That I can spend my life with you. That I can watch over Harry and breathe fresh air and hold you in my arms and kiss you. And you think there's a chance I'd say no?"

"I told you, I don't know what happens if you choose this side. We may only have a year together. You may want to stay with James. What if you stay twenty forever while I continue to age? I don't know so many things." She babbled.

"Look at me, Cal."

She looked up into those beautiful grey eyes.

"I'll take any amount of time you'll give me."

She swallowed thickly.

"Everything on this side will be waiting for me again someday. For us."

Tears flowed down Calandra's cheeks.

"And…let me tell you, love. Looking at you now, I think I may be developing a thing for witches older than me."

Calandra laughed. Always the jokester, he was.

"There's no going back from this." She said, running a finger across his face, wishing she could feel his skin instead of canvas. "You've got to be absolutely sure."

"You, of all people, should know by now. I'm serious." He winked at her.

"Sirius or serious?" she smiled.

"Both." He stood up tall and reached out a hand.

She stood up and stared at him.

"I love you." he said, his voice ringing loud and sure.

"I love you." she said.

Then Calandra plunged her hand into the painting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not posting yesterday. Covid has hit our household and we're juggling working from home, Dr. visits, and virtual school. 
> 
> I'll try my best to post a chapter per day, though! Not too much longer til the end. 
> 
> Maybe there's still hope for that happy ending!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy! :)


	71. Chapter 71

October 31, 1998

It felt like water. The canvas rippled out from where her hand was submerged in the magic. She held her hand steady, waiting. She stared into grey eyes on the canvas and held her breath.

_Please work. Please work. Please work._

She almost gasped when something grabbed her hand. She knew that touch. She gripped the hand holding hers and stepped firmly back. Tattooed knuckles held onto her hand. An arm emerged from the painting and she stood still, watching and waiting for the rest to follow. She watched as a long, lean leg came into view and then there he was.

Sirius Black, as handsome as she'd ever seen him, stood before her. Glowing with youth and grinning at her. She flung her arms around his neck and sobbed. It worked. It worked! He was here! He'd come back to her. She leaned back and cradled his face in her hands. He gripped her elbows and stared into her eyes.

She couldn't speak. She just drank him in. Seventeen years of waiting. Seventeen years of dreaming and hoping and praying and longing and she was finally in his arms again. It didn't seem real. He had to be a dream. She couldn't let him go, because he'd definitely drift away into mist if she released him.

His thumbs stroked over her arms and he leant his forehead against hers. His voice was low when he spoke.

"I definitely have a fancy for older witches."

She threw her arms around him and laughed, crying into his shirt. He threaded his hands through her hair and leant his cheek against her head.

"I missed you so much." He breathed against her hair.

She drew back to look at him again and her eyes widened. She gripped his shirtfront. Small lines snaked their way from the corners of his eyes. His hair grew longer than she'd ever seen it. He leant back and looked at her curiously.

"Love, what's wrong?"

"You're aging." She said worriedly.

He looked down at his hands. They were lined now too. Calandra looked back up to his face and was appalled to find it gaunt and haunted. His cheeks were hollow, and his hair was as long as hers. She watched, scared to breathe, as his cheek bones jutted out, almost piercing his skin. His facial hair was bedraggled, his skin deathly pale.

What had she done wrong?

He cupped her cheeks in his hands as he watched her watch him. Slowly, so very slowly, his features started to fill out again. She relaxed in his arms as his cheeks lost their hollowness and his hair took on a healthier sheen. She stared at him, searching his face until she could see no other changes. His eyes sought hers and she let out a breath.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

"Never better." He smiled.

She drank him in, this Sirius she didn't have the chance to learn. His hair fell in long waves past his collar, his eyes and mouth lined. His youth left in the past, he no longer looked like the handsome boy she'd fallen for. He was weathered and worn, but his eyes were the same. Grey sparks of fire with mischief and love held in them. Her heart squeezed when she found something else there, too. Something almost blank, almost numb. Azkaban must have done that to him.

"Do I pass inspection, love?" he teased.

"I think I painted you wrong." she said. "You're far too handsome."

He gathered her in his arms and his chest shook with laughter. She smiled and reached a hand up to stroke his face. She watched a tear drop snake its way down his weathered cheek. He held a hand at the base of her neck, cradling her head.

"Really, Cal. I'm not the same man I was all those years ago." His eyes searched hers.

She nodded and smiled through her tears.

"I know, you have a mustache."

His eyes darted back and forth between hers and he gathered her in his arms laughing and kissing her.

"I quite like it." She said against his chest. "And you're right. You're not the man you were all those years ago. You're so much more."

Sirius brushed his thumbs under her eyes, wiping her tears away.

"And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life re-memorizing every single thing about you."

She watched his eyes. Watched those grey pools spark and burn. She watched as that blank quality slowly lifted from them, driving away whatever nightmares he'd still been reliving. She got lost in those eyes, for the first or the five hundredth time. She watched as he drank her in, like a man lost in the desert who just stumbled upon water.

A peace settled over her for the first time in almost twenty years. She'd finally come home.

* * *

Calandra sat with Sirius on the old blue sofa, her hand clasped firmly in his. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him. She wanted to etch every single detail in her brain. Wanted to brand his image in the forefront of her mind forever. He smiled at her and her heart stuttered. Even now, after all this time.

"I'm so sorry." She said, squeezing his hand. "I'm so sorry I couldn't get you out of there. I tried. I promise I did. I tried so long to get you out."

Sirius shook his head at her and held both of her hands.

"You don't have to apologize to me for that."

"I do!" she said. "I'm the reason you were stuck in there. If I had never attacked Mr. Crouch, I could've gotten you out. I didn't even mean to do it. I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to help you, and I ruined it all."

"No." Sirius said, cutting her rambling off. "You have no blame in that."

"I do." She said, shaking her head. "If I'd have kept my head, I could've petitioned the council. I could've gotten you out. But I went and got myself locked up, too. I'm so sorry, Sirius. I'm so sorry."

Sirius stroked her cheek and ran his thumb over her hand.

"I deserved to be in there, Cal." Sirius said, gruffly. "James died because of me. I suggested Peter. It was me."

Calandra grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and shook him.

"You look at me." She said, fiercely. "You did every single thing in your power to keep James safe. It is not your fault that someone the both of you trusted betrayed him. Not only that, you protected Harry. You escaped Azkaban and the first thing you decided to do was go straight to Harry. He told me he saw you that night. You could have gone straight for Peter, but you chose Harry. You did not deserve to be locked in that cell. You did not deserve that."

Sirius smiled at her and cocked his head.

"I quite like it when you get all riled up. I'd forgotten how your eyes flash when you're angry. Some of my fondest memories are of you fighting mad. You're gorgeous when you're angry."

She rolled her eyes, but they softened when she looked back at him. He brushed her hair back from her forehead.

"I'm sorry I didn't come for you." he said softly.

"You couldn't have known." She said.

"I thought about you all the time. I went to the flat, but you weren't there. I thought maybe you'd moved. Maybe you'd met someone new."

Calandra swallowed thickly and shook her head.

"You ruined me for everyone, you horrid old fool." She said.

"I know the feeling." He said ruefully.

Calandra smiled a tight smile and Sirius shook his head.

"I didn't look for you like I should have." He said bitterly. "Not at first. When I first got out all I could think of was going after Wormtail. Keeping Harry safe. I thought you were safe somewhere. I had no idea-"

"Of course." Calandra stroked her thumb across his hand. "You're his Godfather; I'd expect no less."

"But then he found out." Sirius gave a small smile. "Remus found us and realized what had happened. Harry knew I wasn't….he knew I didn't betray Prongs."

Calandra squeezed his hand and put his palm to her cheek.

"I did look for you." he said. "Things went wrong that night. Wormtail got away and I had to go on the run, but I did look for you. I looked all over England but couldn't find a single trace. I thought you might have gone back to Greece or Italy. Thought you might try to find more answers, about your voice."

"I spent months in France." He said. "Combing over the places we'd been. I half hoped you be there, lying on the beach somewhere. But you weren't. When I couldn't find you, I resigned myself to thinking you'd met someone else, got married, and moved away."

She shook her head at him.

"I asked Moony about it once, when I came back. When the Order formed again."

Sirius swallowed and his hand tightened against her neck.

"He told me you died."

His eyes took on a distant look, reliving some moment in the past.

"I laughed in his face, I did. He showed me your obituary. He'd kept it. All that time. Yours and Prongs's and Lily's, all tucked away in that briefcase we bought him. I'll never forget those words typed on that paper. It's like they were burned right into my memories. Calandra White. Passed away July 7th, 1985 in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries from complications of permanent spell damage."

He shook his head and blinked rapidly.

"That was it. Nothing else. Your whole life reduced to that one line."

"I couldn't talk about it after that. I just shut that part of me down. It was like half of my heart was frozen over. I just, stopped caring as much. Moony, he tried to talk to me a bit. Tried to ask me what had happened, but I couldn't. I just couldn't explain it all to him. So, he stopped trying after a bit."

Calandra felt tears roll down her cheeks.

"You'll be happy to know we made amends." Sirius said haughtily.

"Good." Calandra smiled through her tears. "That's exactly what I wanted. Ol' Moony and Padfoot, thick as thieves again."

"Well, we tried." Sirius said wistfully. "I wasn't the best company. The Order used the town house for headquarters because it was unplottable and there I was, back in the _Most Noble and Ancient House of Black_ once again."

Calandra smiled a sad watery smile at him.

"As you can imagine, that did wonders for my already sunny disposition." Sirius said wryly. "I spent most of my time holed away in my old room, trying to forget where I was."

"About that." Calandra fixed him with a stern look. "You really must take those photographs down! Harry is sleeping in there!"

Sirius laughed.

"I put a permanent sticking charm on them. They won't come off. I tried. I couldn't bear to look at them. Felt weird anyway; you were what? Sixteen? Seventeen? I charmed them to all look like the photo we used to keep above the mantel at the flat."

"Well, they're back to normal now." She said shrewdly.

"Perhaps I'll get updated ones for my Christmas gift this year." He said with a wink.

Calandra laughed and shook her head at him. He could ask for anything in the world for his Christmas gift. She'd give him the moon if he wanted it. After all he'd been through, she'd walk through fire to make him happy.

"I'm sorry you were there, though." She said. "I know how unhappy being back there must have made you."

He shrugged.

"The luck of the draw." He said. "Moony helped, though. There were little things. A bookmark he'd use that used to be yours. Prongs's comb. A joke he'd mutter under his breath at meetings that I know you'd told him. The planner Red gave him."

He smiled at the memory.

"We were going over plans one day at the kitchen table. I was pacing about as usual, and he was sitting there pouring over some book, going on about whatever it was he was reading. I made some remark about him being an insufferable swot. Then I saw him roll his eyes, turn to his right, and start to say something."

Sirius swallowed.

"It was you. He was getting ready to ask you why you put up with me, or if you were sure you weren't after me for my gold, or to tell you to put me in line. I know it. I know it because I was looking for you there, too Cal."

"I could hear your voice as plain as day, but you weren't there. It absolutely gutted me to know that all I had left of you were those bits and pieces you'd left in someone else. That the only way I could see you was in my memories. And even those had been wrecked by the Dementors."

Calandra wiped her nose. She brushed Sirius's hair back from his temple and ran her hand along his collar.

"I forgot I gave them to you, you know." He said. "When I got out and everything rushed back, I waited. I remembered so much. I felt, well not really happy, more content for the first time in years. But I kept waiting for them. I forgot I gave them to you. That I'd severed them."

"It took me years to be able to see them." Calandra said. "My magic was wrecked after that night. It took forever for me to be able to focus my magic enough to bring them to the front of my mind."

Sirius wrapped an arm around her.

"I thought you gave me the wrong ones." She laughed.

His chest rumbled as he chuckled. She pulled back and stared into his eyes.

"Did you?" she asked.

Sirius shook his head.

"Why those?" she asked. "They're so normal. I watched them over and over and over, for years. Almost all of them are ordinary memories."

"You know that feeling you get, in the very bottom of your heart? When you're perfectly happy with your lot in life? Like the world is just made of light?"

Calandra nodded.

"I felt that." Sirius said. "In each of those memories. I felt that feeling."

Calandra smiled as tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. She vowed to herself, in that moment, she'd do everything in her power to make sure he had thousands of those types of memories to look back on. She sat back and reached for her wand. She put it up to her forehead and concentrated on bringing up the memories she'd spent years dissecting. He could finally have them back.

* * *

_Sirius sat on the bed with Regulus and pointed out the stars on the map._

" _That one's you!" he said proudly._

_Regulus peered at the parchment and pointed to another one._

" _And that's you?"_

_Sirius nodded and leant closer to his brother._

" _The brightest ones in the lot!" he said firmly._

_Regulus smiled and nodded. The two boys went back to studying the map, heads close together, knees touching, unaware of anything else in the world._

* * *

_Sirius walked beside James into Zonko's. Fleamont and Euphemia followed them through, and they stomped the snow from their feet. James grabbed Sirius's arm and pointed to the fireworks whizzing through the air._

" _Ello, there ma'am." A salesman greeted Euphemia. "We've got a new line of Juggling Jumpers in stock. You and your sons interested?"_

_Euphemia smiled at the salesman._

" _I daresay they are, the little troublemakers." She said with a chuckle and turned to the others._

" _What do you say, boys?" she asked._

_Sirius's face broke out in a grin as he peered into the box the salesman held out._

* * *

_Remus sat beside Sirius in transfiguration. Professor McGonagall had called James up to her desk to demonstrate their homework; turning a candle into a comb. Remus nudged Sirius and nodded his head towards James. He held his wand under his desk and whispered spells, as James flourished his wand in the air._

" _Mr. Potter." McGonagall's voice was flummoxed. "I asked for a comb, not a cup."_

_James looked down at the desk in surprise._

" _Sorry, Professor."_

_He waved his wand again, but this time the cup turned into a candelabra._

" _Nice one." Remus muttered to Sirius._

" _Mr. Potter?" McGonagall's voice was stern. "I asked for a comb. Unless a giant were to use this candelabra as such, I do not think it fits the assignment. Can you, or can you not, transfigure a candle into a comb?"_

" _Yes, Professor, I can. I'm sorry." James said, waving his wand over the candelabra._

_The candelabra turned into a cabbage and Sirius snickered. James's eyes narrowed and he turned to face the other students. Sirius pointed to a random object in the textbook Remus had open in front of them and Remus nodded. McGonagall shook her head at James._

" _Twelve inches of parchment on correct pronunciation and wand movement, Mr. Potter. I expect you to be able to successfully transfigure a candlestick into a comb next class period. Back to your seat."_

_James peered at his wand as he walked back down the aisle between the rows of desks._

" _I'd hoped you would ask for another chance." Remus whispered to him as he slid into his seat. "The next one was going to be a codfish."_

_Sirius dissolved into laughter at the look on James's face._

* * *

_Calandra tossed a snowball and it hit Sirius square in the jaw. Her eyes grew round and she asked if he was alright before dissolving into laughter. James gave her a high five and then the two of them shrieked and ran down the hill as Remus, Alice, and Dorcas charged at them, throwing snowballs wildly._

* * *

_Sirius flew across the quidditch pitch and tossed a firecracker into the air. James flew up beside him and tossed up his own. Sparks rained down on them as the fireworks exploded and the two boys laughed as they used their wands to light up more._

* * *

_James and Sirius flattened themselves against the wall in the tiny alcove. It was dark in the corridor, the lanterns on the wall flickered, throwing shadows down the long hallway. The voices grew louder as the people passed by the tapestry._

" _Maybe we could go to Madam Puddifoot's." Alice said._

" _Merlin, Alice." Calandra muttered. "If you want the bloke to snog you just go up to him and kiss him."_

_Dorcas laughed and Cecilia snorted._

" _Reckon that would work on Sirius Black. He's in your house, pretty handsome don't you think?" Cecilia said._

_James rolled his eyes at Sirius._

" _Who doesn't?" Calandra replied as the girls turned the corner._

* * *

_Euphemia peered in the room. Sirius pretended like he was asleep. Euphemia waved her wand and the Christmas tree in the corner stopped singing carols. She walked over to where James lay and pulled his glasses gently off his face. She lay them on the nightstand and moved to the other bed. Euphemia ran a gentle hand across Sirius's head and tucked his covers in around him._

" _Sleep tight, my boys." She whispered and padded out of the room._

_Sirius opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. When he finally drifted off to sleep, he had a smile on his face._

* * *

_James and Remus emerged from the tunnel jogged toward the castle. Sirius hopped up from the steps and fell into step beside Remus._

" _Did you see Prongs tonight, Moony?"_

_Remus laughed and looked at James. James rolled his eyes and turned to the both of them._

" _It is not that big of a deal. It was a bit of grass, that's all." He said._

_Sirius and Remus burst into laughter._

" _It's ok, Prongs. We won't tell anyone you like to graze." Sirius said, laughing._

* * *

" _I can do this one by myself!" Calandra said. "It's one of my favorites!"_

_Sirius watched her as she pointed her wand to the sky and illuminated each star in the Canis Major constellation. Her face lit up when she was finished._

" _No mistakes on that one!" she said._

* * *

_James nudged Sirius and gestured to where Remus sat, asleep on the couch. He'd stacked two folded jumpers, three books, a chessboard, a gobstone kit, and a mug on him._

" _A new record, don't you think?" James asked._

" _Yeah, but we can do better than that." Sirius said, grabbing a quill and a handful of chess pieces._

* * *

_Calandra stacked her items on the counter at Honeydukes. She looked over at Sirius and smiled. After she counted out her coins she dug in her bag and handed him a pack of Caramel Cobwebs. Her smile grew wider when he immediately opened the packet and tossed the candy in his mouth._

" _Thanks!" he said._

* * *

_Lily kissed James on the cheek and he leaned in close to her._

" _You're the most gorgeous witch in the room tonight, Evans. It's enough to make a bloke's heart stop." James said._

_Sirius sat up and leaned across James._

" _Notice he said witch and not person there, Lilypad. Even old Prongs knows I'm the most beautiful creature to grace the planet." Sirius said._

_Lily threw her head back in laughter and James mussed up Sirius's hair._

* * *

_Calandra concentrated on the canvas in front of her. There was a smudge of yellow paint on her cheek and a dab of blue on her forehead. The backs of her hands were covered in paint from where she like to mix colors together and she had her tongue stuck between her lips in concentration._

_She reached up and absentmindedly scratched her temple. When she pulled her hand away, Sirius could see a streak of orange tangled in her curls. He smiled behind his book and watched her make magic out of a few pots of paint._

* * *

" _It was stuck in the tree!" Calandra said from between the branches._

" _You're a witch, Cals." James said. "Why didn't you just use magic?"_

" _I forgot, OK." Calandra snapped and reached for the cat. "It was meowing, and I just wanted to help."_

_James rolled his eyes. Calandra tucked the cat under one arm and stepped down to the lower branch. A loud crack rang out and Calandra grappled for something to hold on to, but her hand never found anything. She felt herself falling and let out a yell. A figure ran down the path toward them._

_James whipped out his wand and barely got the spell out before she crashed at his feet. He grabbed her arm with his free hand. Calandra looked around. She was levitating about a foot off the ground. James had her arm in his hand and one of her shoelaces was looped around the end of his wand._

_They both burst into laughter. Calandra righted herself and the cat scampered off toward the castle._

" _Thanks!" Calandra said, still laughing._

" _How jealous you reckon Pads will get when I tell him I managed to make you fall for me?" James asked._

_Calandra snorted._

" _I fell for the cat." She said._

" _What is it with all you birds and those bloody cats?" James asked._

" _Well, I'm really more of a dog person honestly." Calandra said._

_James shook his head and laughed even harder._

" _Of course you are!" he said and threw a hand up to Sirius who was walking towards them down the path._

* * *

" _I'm very proud of you, Mr. Black." McGonagall said from behind her desk._

_Sirius turned back around to face her. He shot her a smirk and ran a hand through his hair._

" _I think we're on a first name basis now, don't you Minnie?" he asked._

_McGonagall pursed her lips, but she couldn't hide the smile completely._

" _You really are the most tiring thing, Mr. Black. But seeing as we're so close to the end of the term I won't punish you by taking any points away from Gryffindor." She said._

_Sirius leaned against her desk._

" _Admit it, Minnie. You want to win the house cup." He said with a grin. "You'll be glad to know that I earned us fifty points from Professor Vector for cleaning up dungbombs that somebody dropped in front of Filch's office, all for you of course."_

" _As I said." Professor McGonagall smiled. "I'm very proud of you…..Sirius."_

_Sirius gave her a wink and sauntered away crunching on a biscuit._

* * *

_Calandra stood in the kitchen, waving a wooden spoon in the air and bouncing lightly on her feet. Air Supply played over the radio and Calandra sang along. She stirred the gravy in the pan and reached up in the cabinet for a couple bowls. She caught sight of something over her shoulder and looked back. Her eyes lit up and she smiled when she saw Sirius leaning in the doorway._

* * *

_Sirius followed a large stag down the road. He stumbled a bit and righted himself, walking toward the animal. The creature walked like it was a newborn foal, legs wobbling and crisscrossing. Sirius laughed and took a swig of the drink he was holding._

" _Oi!" he called. "Prongs! Hooves straight, mate!"_

_The stag turned its head and snorted. It turned back towards the road and shook its head. Sirius came up behind it and slapped it on the rear. The stag lurched forward then stumbled off to the right. Sirius laughed as it rolled into a ditch. He walked over and pulled on its antlers._

" _Come on. I'll help you up." He said._

_The stag shook its antlers out of his grasp and shakily got to its feet. It climbed back up on the road and wobbly walked forward. Headlights shone around a curve and soon an old station wagon pulled up beside them. Lily peered out of the driver's side window. Calandra got out of the passenger side._

" _Where is my husband?" Lily asked._

_Sirius laughed and pointed toward the side of the road. The stag stumbled forward and swiped its tongue up the side of Lily's face. Calandra snorted with laughter. Lily wiped her face and fixed Sirius with a stern look._

" _Can he change back?" she asked._

_Sirius laughed and shook his head. Lily sighed and Calandra opened the car door. She cast a charm over the car and grabbed the stag's neck._

" _In you go, James." She said and pushed him toward the car._

* * *

_Calandra scooped Alice into a hug and fixed a strand of hair that had fallen into her face. She stood back and surveyed her friend. Alice glowed with happiness; she looked positively radiant in her white gown. Calandra smiled and drew Alice in for another embrace._

" _I love you, Alice." She said into her friend's hair._

" _I love you too, Callie." Alice said._

* * *

_James rifled through a drawer and handed Sirius a small white stick. Sirius looked down at the thing in his hands and turned it over. He looked back up at James confusedly._

" _What's this?" he asked._

" _That's exactly what I asked." James laughed. "It's a muggle thing. For women."_

" _Ok…so why hand it to me? You've seen me in the bath, Prongs. You know I've got a-"_

" _Yeah, alright. I know you're a bloke." James said and leaned back against the counter._

_He ran his hands through his hair and looked at Sirius with an incredulous expression._

" _We're having a baby." He said._

" _What?" Sirius asked._

" _Me and Lily. We're having a baby." He gestured to the stick Sirius was holding. "That thing proves it. Lily peed on it and it showed that there's a baby in there."_

" _You're having a baby?" Sirius asked, excitedly. "There's going to be a little Prongslet!"_

_James smiled and nodded. Sirius clapped him on the back and grabbed him by the shoulders._

" _You only told me like this to trick me into holding the piss stick, didn't you?" he asked._

_James grinned and burst into laughter, nodding. Sirius put an arm around James's neck and pulled him down to ruffle his hair._

* * *

_Calandra rolled over in her sleep and reached an arm out in the bed. She felt around for something, but whatever it was wasn't there. Her brows creased and her hand continued slowly sweeping the bed._

_Sirius kicked his shoes off and pulled his shirt over his head. He undressed and crawled under the covers. As soon as Calandra's hand found him, her face settled. She scooted closer and draped and arm across his stomach, wrapping herself around him._

_Sirius slid an arm under her head and drew her close, dropping a kiss in her hair. Calandra breathed a contended sigh and rested her cheek on his shoulder._

" _Perfect." She murmured, sleepily._

_Sirius closed his eyes and rested a cheek against her head._

" _Perfect." He agreed._

* * *

_Sirius stared down at the bundle in his arms. He swayed back and forth and just drank in the tiny thing he held. He brought a hand up to the front of the blankets and pulled them back away from Harry's little face._

_A tiny hand shot out of the blankets and Sirius ran a single finger over the small balled up fist. Five tiny fingers flexed and closed around Sirius's finger. He stood there, lost in thought as those tiny fingers gripped his._

" _Pads." James said. "We have something we want to ask you."_

_Sirius nodded, still staring at the bundle in his arms._

" _We wanted to know if you'd be Harry's Godfather." James said. "If something happens to us….well we want him to be with someone who loves him."_

_Sirius's head shot up and his eyes widened. He looked back down at the baby in his arms. His throat bobbed and he swallowed. When he spoke, his voice was gruff._

" _Yeah." He said. "Yeah, I can do that."_

* * *

_Calandra held Harry in her lap, cooing at him and making funny faces._

" _You're Aunt Callie's perfect little man, aren't you?" she asked in a sing song voice._

_She kissed his cheeks and tickled his stomach._

" _You're just Aunt Callie's itty bitty boy!"_

_Harry let out a squeal and blew spit bubbles. He grabbed hold of Calandra's hair when she bent down to blow raspberries on his stomach. Calandra laughed and held Harry up._

" _Aunt Callie loves you, you little beast."_

_Sirius walked over and scooped Harry up into his arms, tickling him until he squealed in laughter._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...you finally get to see all the memories! 
> 
> I love this chapter! It made me so happy while writing it!
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!


	72. Chapter 72

October 31, 1998

Calandra and Sirius stayed up through the night talking. Neither of them wanted to waste a single moment they had together with sleep. Sirius told her of his time in Azkaban and Calandra recounted her stories from St. Mungo's.

Then, she asked Sirius all the questions she still had. She asked him about the Fidelius charm. About that night back when Harry was a baby. She asked him about everything that happened when he escaped.

"I knew as soon as I checked on Wormtail that something was wrong." He said shaking his head. "His door was wide open, but nothing was missing from the house. So, I went to check on James."

Calandra swallowed, remembering what she'd found when she'd gone to Godric's Hollow.

"Hagrid was there." Sirius said. "He had Harry. I found him when I went in the house. I already knew what had happened, but I didn't want to believe it. James was…he was just lying there, Cal."

"I know." She stroked his cheek. "I went there, too. Looking for you."

"Hagrid came down the stairs and I tried to get him to give Harry to me, but he said Dumbledore told him to bring Harry straight to him." Sirius said.

He stared at the wall.

"So, I gave him my bike. Told him to take it. I knew I was going to kill Wormtail. I didn't want you to find out from someone else, but I couldn't seem to think straight. So, I sent you a Patronus."

Sirius held his head in his hands.

"That was the hardest Patronus I've ever cast. Trying to find a memory to use when James was…when he'd sold them out...when Harry." He swallowed. "I don't even remember what I said."

"I caught up to him on a muggle street. I didn't think he had it in him, but he blasted the whole thing open. Carried on about how I was a traitor, then he disappeared. I went spare."

"I kept telling myself it was a joke. It had to be a dream or a joke. But it wasn't. I just….went spare. The Aurors showed up. They disarmed me and took me away."

He looked over at Calandra and gave her a small smile.

"I didn't know what to think when you showed up in that corridor." He said. "I've never seen anything like that before in my life, Cal. You didn't even have a wand, and you obliterated almost a hundred dementors."

He shook his head disbelievingly.

"That sound you made. I couldn't take my eyes off you. You were practically glowing."

Calandra nodded.

"Then something happened, and you just fell. Then they dragged you away from me."

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I relived that moment every day for years, them dragging you away." He reached over and held her hand. "The only consolation I had, was that you told me you loved me in that memory. It wasn't happy. They'd have sucked it right out of me if it was, but it was there. I've never doubted for a second that you loved me."

He held her hand up to his face and pressed his lips against it.

"What happened to you that day, Cal?" he asked.

"I think it was my song." She said. "What else could it have been? What else could've caused that burst of magic? Why else would Dumbledore be so scared that he'd keep me locked up?"

"What?" Sirius barked.

Calandra studied him. His eyes sparked and his brow furrowed. She nodded.

"He came to see me. In St. Mungo's, as soon as I woke up. He told me that Mr. Crouch wanted me in Azkaban for it, but he convinced him to keep me in St. Mungo's because my magic was so volatile. Something broke inside me in that corridor and my magic was unpredictable. Dumbledore seemed almost scared when he spoke of it. He tried to get me to forget about you. Tried to convince me you were guilty."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and gathered her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry." He breathed.

"No." Calandra said. "It isn't your fault. And it gets worse."

She took a deep breath and continued her story.

"I tried to get out right after Dumbledore left. I was so battered, I felt like I'd been trampled by an Erupment. When I finally made it to the door it was locked. They'd locked me in. All I could think of was getting out. I know I made the door open. I know I used my magic, but I don't remember anything after that for quite a while."

Sirius listened; his attention focused on her.

"They told me I put myself into a magical coma. I remember waking up a few times, but it always felt like a dream. When I finally came to, months had passed. My throat was absolute agony, whatever had happened to my magic had ruined my voice. They gave me potions for it, but…" she trailed off and clench her fists together.

"One of the potions was a suppressant.' She whispered.

Sirius stared at her, his jaw tense.

"I refused to take it. I lasted a couple weeks. It was awful. I told the healer I'd take it if they let me have a visitor. Just let me talk to Alice and I'd take any of the potions they wanted. Well, I guess it worked, because they let me have a visitor."

Calandra's fingernails pressed into her palms.

"Only it wasn't Alice." She said. "It was Dumbledore. He came back to tell me that my care at St. Mungo's was in control of my next of kin."

Sirius frowned at her then his eyes widened. Calandra nodded.

"He finally got me in a box he could keep locked." She said.

Sirius scooped her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. She clung to him, as he apologized to her over and over again. When they drew apart there were tears on both of their faces.

"Listen." Calandra said, wiping the tears from his face. "We have to stop. I could apologize to you for years and it still wouldn't tell you how sorry I am that I couldn't get you out of there. You're here now. We're together."

He slid a thumb under her eye and across her cheek. She leaned into his hand and relished the warmth of it.

"We need to meet with Harry." She said. "Neither of us know everything that happened. We need to talk with him. To explain how you're here, and to sit down and go over everything that happened during the war. Did you now that Remus died? Do you remember him on the other side?"

Sirius shook his head.

"The last thing I remember is that night. At the ministry." He said.

"We need to know." Calandra said. "Besides, I'm sure you're absolutely gagging to see Harry."

Sirius shot her a smile and pulled her legs over his.

"I am. But Harry will have to wait just a bit longer."

Sirius hooked one arm under Calandra's legs and wrapped another around her waist. He stood up and kicked the door to the bedroom open, carrying her inside.

"It's been seventeen years, since I've had a good shag. I plan on making up for lost time." He winked at her.

* * *

November 1, 1998

"He'll be here any minute." Calandra said. "Remember the plan."

"I know, I know." Sirius said. "Stay in the bedroom until you tell him."

"It'll only be for a few minutes." She said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Then no more having to hide. No more being stuck inside, ok."

Sirius kissed her forehead.

"You can keep me wherever you want to, love. Long as I'm with you, I'll be happy." He said.

A sharp rap came from the door. Calandra and Sirius sprang apart. He chucked her under the chin and went into the bedroom. Calandra smoothed her jumper down and opened the door.

Harry stood in the doorway, holding a case of butterbeer. He smiled at Calandra and stepped inside when she motioned him in. He looked around the flat and Calandra realized that this was his first time there. Perhaps she should've done this at Grimmauld Place.

"Please." Calandra said, taking the case of drinks from him. "Make yourself at home. I'll open us a drink. Thank you so much for bringing them."

Harry sat on the old blue couch as Calandra opened two butterbeers and brought them over to the living room. She sat on the couch next to Harry and they clinked glasses.

"I guess it was a bit of a surprise. Me asking you to visit, just out of the blue." Calandra said.

"Well, I've been curious about this place." Harry said with a laugh. "But I didn't want to invite myself."

He tapped his finger against his bottle and looked over at Calandra pensively.

"You've seemed a bit, shaken the past little while." He said carefully. "But, now, you're…."

He trailed off and Calandra smiled at him.

"I'm more put together now." She finished for him and he gave her a crooked smile.

"I won't lie." Calandra said. "I haven't been in the best of sorts since I got out of St. Mungo's. Everything keeps hitting me all at once."

"You seem a lot better now." Harry said sincerely. "You look well rested."

"Everything is still a bit confusing. I don't exactly know what all has happened in the past decade and a half. That's part of the reason I asked you over. To help me figure out exactly what happened in the world."

Harry nodded.

"Of course. I'll tell you everything."

Calandra smiled and patted Harry's knee.

"That's only part of the reason. There's a bit more to it than that."

Harry cocked his head and Calandra plunged ahead.

"I paint things. You've probably been able to guess that, based on the books I've been ordering and the authors you've asked your friend, Hermione, about for me."

Calandra looked to the canvas where she painted Sirius.

"I painted Sirius." She said.

"I'd love to see it." Harry said gently.

"I used a bit of old magic in the painting." Calandra said. "I got the idea after you showed me where he died. After you told me what happened."

"You see," Calandra went on. "This bit of magic acts as a veil itself."

Harry just listened to Calandra, a confused look on his face. There was no easy way to do this.

"The gist of it is, I brought Sirius back to life." She said.

Harry looked at Calandra warily. He set his butterbeer down and reached for hers as well. Harry turned and faced Calandra. He took a breath and placed his hands on his knees.

"I know you miss him." He said. "I do, too. I would love to see your painting. I truly would. But those paintings are just paintings. As much happiness and comfort that Sirius's portrait will give us, it won't bring him back."

Calandra smiled.

"I know it sounds crazy, but please listen to me Harry." She said. "It's true. I promise. He's here."

Harry looked at Calandra sadly and started to speak. A movement from the doorway to the bedroom caught his eye and he did a double take. Sirius stood in the doorway smiling at Harry. Harry's mouth dropped open and he sat frozen on the couch. Sirius closed the space between them and knelt down in front of Harry.

"You think a few nasty Death Eaters are all it takes to get rid of me?" Sirius asked.

Harry reached for him and Sirius clapped his arms around Harry in a bone crushing hug. Tears pooled at the corners of Calandra's eyes as she took in the sight before her. Harry shook his head, still holding onto Sirius as if he was afraid to let him go.

"I saw you." he said. "I watched you fall. You never came back."

"I know." Sirius said.

Harry pulled back and gripped Sirius's elbows.

"I watched you. I watched you fall through the veil." He said. "How did you…"

"Cal." Sirius said, nodding toward Calandra. "She can tell you all about it. But I promise you. I'm real. I'm here."

Harry reached up with one hand and wiped his eyes. He looked at Calandra with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Can you bring everyone back?" he asked.

Calandra's heart broke and her smile faded from her face. She shook her head sadly.

"I wish I could. I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I can't." she said. "Sirius never actually died on this side of the veil. That's the only reason I could do it."

Harry nodded and gripped Sirius even harder. He looked back at his godfather and wiped his nose.

"I'm sorry, Sirius." He said. "I should've never gone to the ministry. It was all a trap."

"No." Sirius said. "None of that, mate. We both got ourselves into a right bit of trouble. I'm here now."

"How?" Harry said, looking back at Calandra. "How did you do it? Is this what all that time in the libraries was for?"

Calandra nodded.

"I had to find the right spells. Had to make sure I did it right. Had to make sure it could actually be done." She said. "It's ancient magic _._ If someone has gone beyond the veil, but were still alive when it happened, they can be brought back. It's difficult, but possible. It boils down to me painting Sirius and breathing life back into him."

Harry looked between the two of them. He reached for his butterbeer and took a long swig. Finally, he sat back on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. He looked around the room, flummoxed.

"Ok." He said, sitting back up. "Tell me everything."

Calandra looked at Sirius and reached for his hand. He sat between her and Harry on the couch as she explained the entire process. The research she did, the supplies she bought, the whole ordeal. She handed him the letter she wrote him and told him her plans if Sirius had decided to stay beyond the veil.

Harry listened, intently. He let out sounds of disbelief at certain parts of the story and ran his hands through his hair more than a few times. When Calandra had finished, he just stared at her. Abruptly, he leaned across Sirius and wrapped his arms around her. Calandra brought hers up and patted him on the back. When they drew apart Sirius was grinning at them.

"I've got something to show you, Harry." Sirius said, reaching into his pocket.

He pulled out an old photograph. Calandra peered over his shoulder at it and smiled to herself. She was in the photograph, sitting next to Sirius on the Potter's sofa. Sirius was laughing and bouncing Harry in his lap. The small boy turned and reached for Calandra. Calandra leant down and scooped Harry into a hug as Sirius drew her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Harry looked up at the both of them, the picture held firmly in his hands. He swallowed and looked back down at the picture. Sirius draped an arm round his back and squeezed his shoulder.

"We're here for you, Harry. In any way you need us. We love you." Sirius said.

* * *

Between the three of them, they pieced together all the events that had happened, starting from the fall of 1981 to that very day. Calandra finally realized why Remus had said those words to her in the cabin. Word had spread quickly through the Order when the Potters died and everyone thought Sirius was the secret keeper. Harry was shocked to learn about the events that happened that day in Azkaban. Sirius was still getting over the fact that Calandra had been in St. Mungo's the whole time.

They filled Calandra in on what happened when Sirius escaped. Harry told them of his time at Hogwarts with Remus as his Professor. Calandra and Sirius looked at one another and burst into laughter. Harry looked between the two of them, puzzled at what he could've said that could be taken as hilarity.

"Of course." Calandra said. "Remus would've been a professor."

"Don't kid yourself, Cal." Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Moony was hardly the picture of decorum. He told me himself. Harry, tell Calandra about Neville's boggart."

Harry smiled and told the story.

Calandra laughed until she cried. She wiped her eyes and shook her head.

"He put Snape in drag?" she crowed. "Oh, he's brilliant."

They told Calandra more bits of information. Harry told her all about the Weasley family, and their role in the Order. Sirius told both of them what went on at Grimmauld Place while Harry was at school. Then the two older people grew quiet, having nothing else to add, and Harry led the conversation.

He explained what had happened his last year at school. Then he told them of going on the run with Ron and Hermione. Calandra's eyes grew wide, and even Sirius seemed awestruck at some of the tales. Sirius squeezed Calandra's hand when Harry told them about the locket. Then, Harry recounted all the events that night at Hogwarts when Voldemort attacked. He told them about Snape and what he saw in the memories.

Calandra and Sirius glanced between each other but didn't say anything. Both of them still loathed the man, but he had obviously helped keep Harry safe. They'd never think of him in a fond light, but if Harry had made peace with him, they wouldn't speak about him.

Harry looked at Sirius when he got to the part in his story where he went into the woods.

"I saw you that night." He said. "I had the stone, you were there. You and Remus. My mum and dad. You were all there."

Sirius shook his head.

"I don't remember anything after that night in the ministry, Harry. I'm so sorry."

"You all spoke to me. Told me it was ok. I asked you if it hurt. If dying hurt." Harry said.

Sirius placed a hand on Harry's knee.

"You told me it was easier than falling asleep." Harry said. "I've thought about that night a lot, since then."

"It wasn't really you." Harry said. "It wasn't really any of you. My mum died to protect me from Voldemort. Why would she tell me it was ok to go? It was just like the story about the brothers. You were there, but you weren't."

"When I finally admitted that to myself it helped."

He coughed and continued his story. He told them of meeting Dumbledore on the platform and Narcissa lying to Voldemort. He told them of Hagrid carrying him back and the crowd of people who were there when Voldemort came to the castle. Calandra felt pride bloom in her very soul when Harry spoke of Neville's defiance. Of his bravery in the face of that evil.

When his story was done, he sat back and shrugged.

"And here we are." He said.

"Here we are." Echoed Sirius, reaching for Calandra's hand.

"Here we are." She agreed.

The three of them sat there on the sofa. Sirius threw his arm around Harry and drew him close. Calandra looked between the two of them with so much love she felt her heart would burst. Sirius had been right, all those years ago. She'd never need to have children to have a family. A part of her family was right in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go! It's a little bittersweet to me. I've cut out a few chapters from the story because I didn't think they helped the flow, so maybe I can make a compilation of chapters that didn't make the cut. I almost cut this one, but when I went back and read through, I felt like Harry meeting Sirius really needed to be included. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy.


	73. Chapter 73

January 21, 1999

The evening was absolutely beautiful. Calandra looked out at the small crowd of people that gathered in the orchard of Uncle Alphard's country estate. They'd thought about using a few other places, but this one seemed to be the most appropriate. It was neutral territory and absolutely perfect. Besides, both she and Sirius had a soft spot for the mad old man.

Neville had come out to help them the previous week. The house was already taken care of, so he'd helped them clear out the gardens and the orchard. The three of them made quick work of it; she, Sirius, and Neville. Calandra and Neville traded stories, with Sirius chiming in on both parts. Calandra told Neville of her school days with his mother and Sirius recounted the scrapes he and Frank got into with the Order. Neville told them stories from his childhood and of everything Harry got up to at Hogwarts, with Sirius adding his side into some of the stories. As the daylight faded, the conversation centered mostly around Frank and Alice and how they were faring.

Her friends were doing well. They still didn't talk, but Neville said they made eye contact a lot more than before. Calandra visited them multiple times every week. She brought lots of items from their past and spoke of things she knew they were once familiar with, and it seemed that they were slowly starting to recognize some things. Alice actually laughed out loud once, when Neville told her a joke that Calandra told him had always been his mother's favorite.

She'd approached Neville last month about moving his parents into a private ward with specialized healers she'd met with and approved of. She handed him the keys to her father's vault and told him to use up every single galleon. He'd protested at first, but Calandra assured him she'd never need the money. Later that very same week a large eagle owl deposited a sack of galleons in her lap. Calandra suspected it was Harry's doing, but he never let on. She'd used some of the gold to buy supplies and painted a portrait of Neville and his parents. She'd taught Neville the spells that activated her paintings and he'd moved most of them to his parents' new room at St. Mungo's. The one of Alice reading a story resided in his own home.

They settled into easy conversation as Calandra showed him the little twinkling stars Sirius had flung up into the trees. They danced in little their little glass balls and bathed the orchard in tiny, shimmering lights. Neville had smiled and told her he'd like to add something, too. He acciod the bag he brought with him and pulled tiny plants out of it. They were Flutterby Bushes. He planted them for her on either side of the path that led to the orchard and gave her a modified aguamenti charm that would make them grow quicker.

The effect was wondrous. The bushes swayed and glittered in the breeze, barely waist high now. The flowers that covered the ground of the orchard sent up sweet perfume, music played softly, and the stars above them twinkled brightly, suspended in the trees. But most wonderful of all, were their guests.

The entire Weasley family had made it out for the special occasion. Sirius had personally invited them all. Actually, he'd invited almost all of the guests, most of which were admittedly Weasleys. There were so few people left in her life, she could count them on one hand. She watched as a sea of ginger hair rippled throughout the rest of the guests. George Weasley reminded her so much of James when he was young. She smiled when she saw him charm his brother's hat to change colors.

Harry's friend Ron chatted with Hagrid and Neville, who stood close beside his parents. Alice and Frank didn't speak to anyone. They just sat in the comfortable chairs Calandra had placed for them right in front of the wildflowers that popped up from the orchard floor.

Sirius stood laughing with Charlie Weasley. Calandra had met him for the first time earlier that day and immediately liked the young man. He had an easy-going personality and absolutely lit up when he told them about his work. Dragon taming. Calandra shook her head at the thought. No wonder Sirius got on so well with him.

Harry stood with Andromeda Tonks off to one side conversing with the oldest Weasley and his beautiful wife. Sirius had wanted his favorite cousin here and Calandra had readily agreed. She'd brought along little Teddy and the young boy was busy climbing all over Harry. Calandra smiled at the little one. His hair had been changing all night, from vibrant blue to green to red to white blonde to black. Andromeda said he was his mother made over, but Calandra knew that when he fell asleep his face would look almost exactly like Remus's.

Another figure stood with the group, close to her sister. Calandra had insisted on inviting the Malfoys. She told Sirius in no uncertain terms that she'd have never gotten him back if it hadn't been for them. He'd been so torn. She could see it plainly on his face. In the end, his affection for her won out over his disdain for his family. He'd even reached out to both of his cousins to arrange a meeting before the evening.

" _Are you mad?" he asked incredulously._

" _No." Calandra grit her teeth. The accusation still stung, even though she was no longer trapped inside that grey box._

" _They hosted Voldemort right in their home." Sirius exclaimed._

" _Lucius Malfoy hosted Voldemort in their home." Calandra corrected. "You heard what Harry said. Both of them defied him."_

" _Only when they knew he couldn't win." Sirius spat._

_Calandra ran a hand down his arm._

" _You know that isn't true." She said softly._

" _What about Harry and Neville?" Sirius asked. "How do you think they'll feel about it?"_

" _I've already spoken with both of them." Calandra said easily. "I'm sure they won't be overly friendly, but they assured me they were fine with it."_

" _Why, Cal?" he asked. "You know how I feel about them."_

" _I know." She nodded. "And I think it's time to fix that."_

_Sirius let out a harsh sigh and ran his hand through his hair._

" _They won't change." He said. "She's always been just like the rest of them."_

" _You thought that about Regulus, too." Calandra said gently. "I told you what he did that night. He could've found you. He didn't on purpose."_

_Sirius drew a deep breath and Calandra forged ahead._

" _And that doesn't even touch on what Harry told us. About everything Regulus sacrificed."_

_Sirius swallowed thickly._

" _He was just a kid Sirius. Probably the same age as Regulus was when he got branded. Let the kid heal."_

_Sirius pursed his lips._

" _How would you want people to treat him if he was Regulus?" she asked softly. "Blame him for everything his family was? Or let him prove he can do better?"_

_Sirius ran his hands through his hair and nodded. He looked down at her with soft eyes._

" _You've gone soft on me, Cal." He said against her hair._

Sirius didn't let that stop him from threatening colorful curses, though. He only agreed on their invitation to the events of the evening on the condition that he could hex them to oblivion if they misbehaved, and made sure all the guests knew of that fact. Calandra really didn't care if Narcissa attended or not. She was glad Andromeda had the chance to see her sister, but really only wanted to give the young Malfoy boy the opportunity to heal and move forward. She was glad he came.

He stood close to the group where his mother was. Roped into conversation with Professor McGonagall, Arthur Weasley, a young blonde girl named Luna, and Harry's friend Hermione. Harry had actually asked if they minded Luna coming after Calandra told them she'd be inviting the Malfoys. He said Luna could talk to anybody and he was right.

Sirius practically demanded that McGonagall be in attendance, not that Calandra had objections to it. He'd coordinated with Harry and Hermione to inform her of the news of his resumed life on earth and invited her to dinner. She'd burst into tears as soon as she walked into the kitchen of Grimmauld Place and saw Calandra and Sirius holding hands. She'd hugged them both within an inch of their lives and laughed until she cried again at Sirius's antics.

" _Now Minnie, I know I asked you to marry me seventh year." Sirius said. "But I don't want there to be any bad blood between you and Cal here, so I'm officially letting you off the hook."_

_McGonagall set her lips in a thin line, quaking with silent laughter._

" _If you'll recall, Mr. Black," she said. "You missed an engagement window with me narrowly due to the proposal of a young James Potter just minutes before."_

_Sirius smiled and she went on._

" _I'll tell you now, what I told the both of you at the time."_

_She smiled and reached for his hand._

" _You're a bit young for me, so I'll have to decline. But I'll forgo a detention if I receive an invitation to your nuptials one day."_

" _Consider this a personal invitation, Minnie." Sirius said._

Calandra felt an arm wrap around her and looked up into a pair of beautiful grey eyes.

"You look lovely." He said into her ear.

She turned to him and brushed his hair back from his face.

"Funny that," she smiled. "I was thinking the same thing about you."

He pulled her into his arms, and she leaned into his chest, marveling at the feeling of his arms around her. Calandra knew that she'd never take his embraces for granted, not after everything they'd been through.

"Sirius?" she said.

"Mmmm."

"I think, tonight, I'm going to dance the night away, get a bit drunk with my best friend, go home with the most handsome wizard here, and charm the trousers right off him."

Sirius smiled down at her, then looked around.

"Hmmm. I'm not as young as I once was, love. I might have a bit of competition from a few of these blokes."

"They can't hold a candle to you." she leaned up and kissed him.

* * *

The ceremony was simple. Calandra charmed the instruments to play soft music and everyone took their seats. Ginny Weasley placed Alice's chair off to the side of the aisle, at the front of the assembly and Luna lead Frank to the soft chair reserved for him. Darkness was approaching, but the ceremony glowed with warmth. McGonagall positioned herself at the front of all the guests, and Sirius stood in front of her with Harry by his side.

Each guest held a small orb of glowing light, except Frank and Alice. Their orbs floated next to their chairs. Upon closer inspection, names of family and friends who had died shone brightly on the orbs, as if carved into the light itself. Most of the attendees chose their own orbs, carrying those they loved with them back to their seats.

Sirius held James's gently in his hand then, with a smile, flipped it like a coin to have it rest on his shoulder. Next to him Harry held Lily's. Molly and Arthur held Gideon's and Fabian's, respectively. Neville placed Regulus Black's beside his mother's chair and Dorcas Meadows's beside his father. He held Alastair Moody's himself. George spun Fred Weasley's round and round in his hand, never taking his eyes off it.

Teddy Lupin let his orb hover in his hand, bouncing it up and down and laughing as it twirled around his head and came rest on his palm. His father's name shone brightly out at him, _Remus Lupin_. Andromeda held her daughter's orb in her lap, gazing down at the name written in light. She handed the orb with the name Ted Tonks to her sister. Narcissa Malfoy did not hesitate when she accepted and cradled the orb in both hands.

Calandra saw one of the guests hesitate to get up and pick an orb or summon one. She took the orb that rested just above her bouquet and, with a wave of her hand, sent it floating over to the boy. He looked surprised as the ball of light hovered above his lap. Tentatively, he reached out and placed his hands around the orb. She watched him read the name, _Thalia White_ , and look back at her. She smiled and nodded.

The music swelled and a curtain of ivy toward the back of the chairs fanned open. Guests turned in their seats. Little Teddy scampered up the aisle holding a charmed bouquet of daisies that sent petals cascading in his wake. Neville stepped in the aisle, his mother on his arm looking younger than he'd ever seen her in light cotton robes of sky blue. Her eyes never left her son's face as she walked slowly alongside him. He led Alice to her chair and sat in the front row near her.

Calandra stepped out from behind the ivy and her world narrowed to one thing.

Sirius.

Those grey eyes.

She met his gaze as she stepped forward. All the years, all the pain, all the loneliness, all the heartache, all the loss. It just faded away. She was thirteen again, facing him in a duel. She was fifteen again, meeting his eyes over a cauldron. She was eighteen again, running towards him in the snow. She was twenty again, kissing him in the kitchen.

She stood in front of him and softly placed her bouquet in Alice's lap. She turned and reached for Sirius's hands; a smile stretched across her face. He held onto her for dear life. McGonagall spoke, and the words warmed Calandra's heart, but she couldn't hear them. She was focused only on the man in front of her.

Sirius nodded at McGonagall and cleared his throat.

"I have loved you since you transfigured Alice's inkpot into an octopus and McGonagall blamed James and I for the mess it made, back in fourth year. I didn't realize it back then but looking back it's so obvious."

McGonagall smiled and the rest of the crowd chuckled.

"I spent my entire detention thinking about all the pranks I wanted to pull _with_ you, not _on_ you. I came up with a lifetime's worth that night. And when I finally figured out what that meant, I made it my mission to convince you to partner up with me."

Her face hurt from smiling so much.

"I've waited all my life." Tears sprang to his eyes as he spoke. "And half of yours to be able to do this."

"You breathed life into me, and I promise you; I'll spend every single day pouring every ounce of love I have back into you. I love you."

Sniffles went through the crowd. McGonagall said Calandra's name.

She swallowed.

"I grew up never wanting to get married. Never wanting to love someone, out of fear for what they would do to me. I had my entire life planned out completely avoiding love. Then you came along. You were impossible to avoid."

Sirius laughed along with the crowd.

"And impossible not love." Calandra added.

"I've spent the last seventeen years dreaming of you; of a life with you. Wishing and praying and hoping. After today, I don't have to dream anymore. I'll be living it."

A tear leaked out of her eye and she swallowed.

"I'd do it all over again. Even if I knew I'd only get one day to spend with you, I'd choose you. I love you. More than life itself. I love you."

He nodded.

She didn't hear McGonagall's words, didn't even know if she said any. She didn't see the crowd wiping away tears, didn't see the orbs float up to hover in the night air like stars. She didn't even hear the music. All she knew was the love in Sirius's eyes and the feel of his lips on hers. The night was full of light and the stars sang above them. She was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	74. Epilogue

“You’re supposed to be falling asleep.” Calandra smiled down at the young boy in her arms.

“Not tired.” He squirmed and yawned.

“I don’t think that excuse is going to fly with your Mum.” She laughed.

“A story?” he looked hopefully up at her, as if she’d ever be able to tell him no.

“Hmmm,” she said pretending to think about it. “I suppose I could tell you a story. What story do you want to hear?”

“Lion.” He said through another yawn, settling down in her arms.

She smiled. He asked for this story all the time.

“You’ve heard that one a hundred times, you sure you don’t want to hear a different one?”

He shook his head.

“Alright, then.” She conceded. “One story, then it’s off to bed with you or your parents will have my head.”

She sat back in the rocking chair and held the small boy close to her.

“Once upon a time, in a magical land, there lived a young lion,” she started.

The little boy nodded and said, “Special lion.”

“That’s right, love. This lion was a special lion. He was made of light. This lion was a handsome thing, too. He had a great long mane and a lovely smile, but he hardly ever showed it. See, this lion lived in a den of snakes. These snakes were horrid things. They were cruel to the lion. They tried to strike at him and hurt him and poison him to take away his smile. They hated the lion, those snakes. They liked the dark and tried to snuff out the lion’s light.”

She rocked slowly in the chair, holding the boy close.

“Soon, the lion left the den of snakes and went off into the world. That’s where the lion met his very best friend, a young tiger. The two of them were inseparable. The tiger showed the lion that not all of the animals were like those snakes, not even all of the snakes were like those from the den. The lion and the tiger became closer than brothers. They were always by each other’s side. They spent their days playing together and enjoying their freedom.”

The little boy sighed against her as she told the story. She rubbed his back as she rocked.

“It wasn’t all fun and games for the lion, though. A great darkness had settled over the land. Shadows covered the forests and the deserts and jungles, and none of the animals that shone with light were safe. The lion, brave thing that he was, fought that darkness. So did the tiger. They bit back the shadows and helped the other animals hide. Soon, though, the shadows came for them. The darkness took the tiger and it was such a sad time.”

She breathed in the smell of the boy and her mind went back to twenty some years ago when she’d rocked another small boy with a tuft of that same black hair.

“It was especially sad because everyone thought the lion was the reason why. They knew he’d been raised by those snakes who loved the darkness, and the other animals thought that he’d been poisoned by them. They thought he’d turned on the tiger and led the darkness to him.”

She stroked the boy’s messy hair.

“They couldn’t have been more wrong. The lion loved that tiger. He’d have laid down his life for him. But they locked him away. They threw him in a cave so deep and so dark, they thought he’d never find his way out.”

“He got out.” The little boy smiled.

“He did,” she nodded, rocking. “It took him years and years, but he got out. Do you know why?”

“The tiger cub.” The boy answered.

“That’s right! His friend, the tiger, had a little cub and the lion heard that the cub was in danger, so he found his way out of that cave and he went to the cub. The cub was so like his dear friend. The cub loved the lion and came to him for everything. He looked to the lion like a father. The lion vowed he’d never let anything happen to the cub, that he’d keep him safe. And that’s just what he did. When the darkness came for the cub, the lion fought it. He ran out of his own safety and took on the darkness.”

The little boy rested his head against her shoulder.

“The snakes he grew up with were hiding in that darkness, though. They saw the lion fighting for the tiger cub and they attacked. They enveloped him in the darkness until he was nothing but mist. The snakes left him there, transparent and faded. But he had saved the tiger cub. He’d kept him safe. The lion floated up into the night sky. There he stayed for years among the stars. The lion was trapped there, softly glowing, watching over the tiger cub.”

The little boy’s breathing slowed. She caressed his cheek.

“The lion watched the tiger cub grow and fight the darkness. He was so proud when the cub defeated those dark shadows and light filled the world again. The sun shown again, and the animals were safe.”

“The lion was content with his lot; his tiger was safe and that was enough. The sun watched the lion smile down on the cub and her heart went out to him, for he had lost so much. She came to him and breathed light back into him, making him whole again. He floated back down to earth, as radiant as he always was. The tiger cub was overjoyed to see him again, and that brave lion lived out the rest of his days basking in the glow of light and happiness.”

The little boy yawned and sleepily said, “I’m glad, lion came back.”

A creak of the floor made Calandra look up toward the door. She smiled when she met the grey eyes that held her entire life in them.

“Me, too, James.” Calandra said. “Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated on posting an epilogue because I thought the last chapter ended the story on a good note.
> 
> But.....
> 
> This story was a Christmas gift to my sister (who had no idea I wrote it until she finished it) and she asked me to add the epilogue in. 
> 
> Once again, thank you all so so so so very much for reading and leaving your feedback on my story. I am slowly going back through and correcting all the grammar and punctuation mistakes that I made trying to crank the story out before Christmas.
> 
> Merry Christmas, Sis! 
> 
> Thanks so much! Happy reading!!! :)


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